Chapter Text
A/N: Why do so many of my stories start out with giant coincidences? It’s probably laziness.
The first time it happened, they were still practically strangers with nothing in common but three students and adjacently assigned practice fields for the day.
A sudden and very familiar wailing had interrupted Iruka’s first sparing practice with his new class of rowdy pre-Genin, startling even the birds out of the trees. He couldn’t make out the words, but he had ordered his teaching assistant to stay with the class while he made sure it was okay. With Naruto that amount of noise could mean the world was actually ending or that he found extra money in his pocket. Iruka had to check either way.
“Naruto?” Iruka asked as he jogged up to the blonde standing with Sakura and Sasuke. The three Genin seemed to be huddled around something on the ground, “What – ?”
At that moment Naruto turned and saw Iruka, big blue eyes widening dramatically as he said, “Sakura killed Kakashi-sensei!”
“I didn’t mean to!” Sakura squeaked tearfully right as Sasuke said, “He’s not dead, idiot,” and Naruto followed up with, “Well, he’s gonna be!”
Iruka decided to ignore all three of them for the moment in favor of seeing to the heap of Jounin he could make out in the center of the kids’ half-circle.
Kakashi-sensei was sitting on his heels and swaying, one hand to his forehead, and the other cradled against his chest. “Kakashi-sensei?” Iruka asked as he pushed between Naruto and Sasuke, “What happened?”
He meant for Kakashi to answer but the Jounin just looked up at him and blinked, “Who’re you?”
Sasuke took that as a cue and explained for him, “Kakashi-sensei was showing us how to make and use poison senbon.” It wasn’t much but all the information Iruka needed as he glanced down at Kakashi’s red and swollen hand.
“Great – Hang on,” Iruka paused in surprise and turned to Sakura, “You hit a Jounin with a poison senbon?” He shouldn’t have sounded impressed, but . . . damn.
Sakura’s eyes shifted as she said tremulously, “Not exactly . . .”
“She accidentally stabbed Kakashi-sensei in the hand with one while he was showing her how to prep it,” Sasuke supplied.
“Ah,” Iruka would get more details on that one later, “What kind of poison was it?” He was speaking exclusively to the kids now, because Kakashi had continued to just . . . stare at him. It was getting a little creepy.
Iruka started rummaging in his pockets for a syringe while Sakura rushed to the mat full of supplies Kakashi had apparently set up. There were trays and several boxes of senbon, some of which were still soaking in various liquids. A book of herbs sat open on one corner the pages flapping in the breeze.
Sakura came back and thrust a small brown bottle in Iruka’s face, “This one. It was this one.” Her voice was breathy and panicked but Iruka saw immediately from the bottle’s label that she had nothing to worry about.
“It’s okay, you three,” Iruka said and thought Sakura might burst into tears. Naruto let out a breath. Sasuke . . . didn’t change much. “It’s non-lethal and Kakashi-sensei probably has the antidote in his supplies.” Just like every other Shinobi, Iruka refrained from saying out loud as he pulled the aforementioned antidote from his own vest pocket, And surely the man’s not crazy enough to allow any real poisons around inexperienced Genin in the first place.
“Oh, thank goodness,” Sakura sighed.
“Yeah, how hard is it to get a new Jounin-sensei if you kill the first one?” Naruto wondered out loud.
“I told you so,” Sasuke grumbled.
“You’re cute,” Kakashi piped up.
Iruka stopped and slowly looked up from measuring a dose of the antitoxin. Kakashi-sensei was still staring right at him. Iruka couldn’t see the kids behind him but all three were suddenly very quiet.
Then Kakashi started listing to one side and Iruka had to lunge to catch him before the Jounin had a rough meeting with the hard-packed ground of the training field.
“You’re really, really cute,” Kakashi mumbled as Iruka sat him up-right again and heard Naruto snicker behind him.
Iruka smiled kindly, “Thanks, so are you,” he started pushing up one of Kakashi’s sleeves.
Kakashi’s eye widened as he reached his free hand up to his face and felt his mask. Then he scowled at Iruka, “Nice try, but I’m not that doped up.” Sakura joined in Naruto’s snickering.
Iruka bit back his own laugh as he pushed the needle into Kakashi’s arm, “Right, sorry about that.”
Kakashi blinked sluggishly before his eye crinkled into a smile, “Aw, I can’t stay mad at you, cutie.” There was a loud cough from Sasuke.
“I’m Iruka, by the way,” Iruka said mildly and pressed the plunger on the syringe, “Not ‘cutie’. I’m your Genin team’s former Sensei.”
Kakashi seemed to think about that for a minute as he watched Iruka pull the needle out of his arm and press his thumb to the puncture, “I-ru-ka,” Kakashi sounded out, “That’s adorable.”
“Should we take him to the hospital?” Sasuke asked slowly.
“Ew, no. Bad Genin,” Kakashi replied immediately, pointing an accusing finger at an unimpressed Sasuke, “I’ll just stay with Iruka-cutie. No hospital.”
“Yes, hospital,” Iruka laughed, “Just to be safe.” Kakashi let out a keening noise and Iruka patted his arm, “I’ll go with you, how’s that?” Kakashi brightened marginally.
Iruka instructed Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke to carefully collect the supplies Kakashi had laid out while he watched after the Jounin.
“I wanna stay here,” Kakashi slurred petulantly after a moment and Iruka shook his head.
“Kakashi-sensei, you’ve been poisoned,” Iruka tried to explain without laughing outright.
Kakashi flapped a hand through the air, “I’m mostly immune to everything I brought.” Iruka wondered if the definition of “immune” changed with rank. “And the trees are so shiny here,” Kakashi continued and started swaying dangerously again. Iruka steadied him as the Jounin eye-smiled, “Like your eyes. Pretty, shiny brown eyes.”
“I think we should hurry up, guys,” Iruka called over his shoulder to the Genin.
“I think you should kiss me,” Kakashi replied sincerely and leaned forward. Well, fell forward.
Iruka grunted, startled as the Jounin’s weight landed on him. Kakashi’s face ended up buried in Iruka’s shoulder, the Chunin’s arms instinctively going around the Copy-nin’s chest to hold him up.
“I missed,” Kakashi’s voice sounded surprised even muffled by Iruka’s flak jacket and the ever-present mask.
“I dodged,” Iruka tried to push the Copy-nin back into a sitting position but Kakashi seemed pretty content where he was. And he was heavier than his lanky frame looked.
“Was aiming for your mouth,” Kakashi explained into Iruka’s shoulder, “It’s a really nice mouth, you should be proud.”
“Thank you, I am,” Iruka replied absently and then called over his shoulder again, “How’re we doin’ back there, Naruto?”
“We’re ready Iruka-sensei,” Naruto said and trotted up with Sakura and Sasuke, supplies packed away a little haphazardly making Iruka itch to give a lecture on proper handling of poisoned weapons.
“Excellent,” Iruka thought he sounded more relieved than he should have, “Help me get Kakashi-sensei to his feet.”
Later, Iruka had deposited Kakashi with a few giggling nurses and Team Seven had insisted on staying in the waiting room even though a rather bemused doctor had told them Kakashi would be perfectly fine within the hour.
Iruka would have waited with them but he had neglected his own class (and his unfortunate, and probably traumatized, teaching assistant) long enough and the day was still young. He bid the kids goodbye and assured a sulking Naruto they would go for dinner later.
Once that was cleared away and Iruka was walking out of the hospital he caught his reflection in one of the large windows that lined the front of the building. A moment of pure vanity struck him and Iruka paused just long enough to frankly evaluate himself.
A beat passed and then Iruka huffed a small laugh before moving on. The poison in Kakashi’s system was a hallucinogenic, after all.
A/N: More brain vomit due to a boring work day. Thanks for putting up with me this far :D