Work Text:
It started with chips. Danhausen knew Hook liked chips, and nothing else about him. So Danhausen found him backstage and gave him a bag of chips. It was funny, Hook guessed. A weird token of friendship.
Then came the failed curses. That was less funny, more annoying. Who did this guy even think he was? He was popping up all over the place.
Hook just wanted to be left alone. By everyone.
Danhausen had other plans.
---
Hook stood at a vending machine backstage, trying to decide what kind of chips he wanted.
“Buy Danhausen something,” a voice said from behind him.
Hook sighed and turned to see Danhausen standing on his tiptoes, hands clasped in front of his chest and studying the vending machine over Hook’s shoulder.
“What do you want?” Hook asked, mildly irritated.
“Danhausen likes candy.”
“No, I mean, what do you want with me,” Hook said, an edge of annoyance entering his voice.
Danhausen had the audacity to be exasperated as he replied, “Danhausen just said, he wants Hook to buy him candy! Sheesh.” He made one of those awkward grimacing faces.
Hook sighed and put his money in the machine, then held his hand out as if to say well fine then, go. Danhausen excitedly pressed a letter and number, then a Twix bar came tumbling down. “Yes, thank you,” Danhausen said as he grabbed the candy from the bottom of the machine. He looked very pleased.
Hook rolled his eyes and shook his head before shoving more coins into the machine and picking his chips.
“Yes, yes,” Danhausen was saying as he extracted a Twix from the wrapper and put it in his mouth. He always chewed so awkwardly, Hook couldn’t tell if it was to be mindful of his face paint or that’s just…how he was.
Hook turned to leave, but stopped as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Danhausen holding out the other Twix. “Hook can take the right Twix. Danhausen likes the left one best.” He looked at him expectantly.
Hook took the Twix from Danhausen’s hand, looking at him blankly. “Thanks, I guess,” Hook replied.
Danhausen’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Goodbye, Hook,” he said before scampering away.
---
Weeks later, Danhausen found Hook backstage again. “Present for Hook,” Danhausen said, pushing cardboard and plastic packaging into his hands. It was an ECW-era figure of Taz, proclaiming Pivot Punch action and complete with folding chair accessory.
“Danhausen found it toy-hunting,” he told him.
“I actually had one of these when I was a kid,” Hook said, looking down at the toy in surprise. He couldn’t help but give a lopsided smile. “This brings back some memories.” He looked back up at Danhausen. “…Thanks.”
Danhausen grinned and ran off.
---
Another show, another city, Hook happened to walk by a craft services table and noticed some packaged candy. He didn’t see Twix, so he grabbed a Snickers bar. He walked outside and saw Danhausen sitting on the steps, muttering to himself.
“Here,” Hook said, dropping the candy into his lap.
“Ohh!” Danhausen exclaimed in delight, holding up his new prize. “How did Hook know to get this for Danhausen?”
Hook stared at him. He didn’t know what to say to the other man sometimes.
Danhausen grinned at him. “I see, Hook is trying to seduce Danhausen! Seduce him with the sugar, because Hook knows Danhausen loves candies.”
Hook felt like he was never prepared for what was going to come out of Danhausen’s mouth. “What? No—I—what?” Hook replied, flustered.
Danhausen hummed happily to himself as he ripped the wrapper.
Hook threw his hands up and walked away.
---
Everyone called Hook a nepo baby, that he was only here because of his dad. He'd been working so hard to get out of his father's shadow and prove himself on his own. Danhausen seemed like one of the few people that didn't really care that he was Taz's son, and was just interested in Hook for Hook.
Hook hated people assuming things about him. Because he’s pretty, he can’t fight. Because he’s quiet, he’s dumb and can be pushed around. Because he’s wiry, he couldn’t suplex the hell out of someone. But Danhausen’s assumptions were different. He assumed Hook was very strong, very powerful. That he got his powers from chips. That he’d make a good tag team partner. Hook didn’t mind those assumptions so much.
It was by pure persistence that Danhausen got Hook to team up with him. The failed curses, the gifts. Hook originally had no interest in being his friend, but when he saw Tony Nese stomping Danhausen after their pitifully short match, Hook couldn't help but go out and save him. It felt like Danhausen kinda needed him. Hook knew he wasn't easy to be friends with, but Danhausen kept at it, and something about that was a little endearing to him. Danhausen was nothing if not persistent.
---
After their triumphant tag team match in Vegas for Double or Nothing, Danhausen was amped and enthusiastic about their win. He cut a promo backstage espousing the strengths of Hookhausen and chattering excitedly about how they were going to go out on the town and eat chips together—he mentioned chips twice, it was an important part of the plan. Hook couldn’t help but smile, thankful Danhausen did enough talking for the both of them.
Hook usually didn’t like being touched. He had a very short list of people that he was okay with touching him. Recently, he'd secretly added Danhausen to that list. He'd started to realize how much the other man used physical touch to connect with people. He originally thought Danhausen was doing it to be annoying, but eventually realized he's just an extremely tactile person. So when Danhausen tapped him on the chest, multiple times throughout the recorded segment, for once Hook didn’t mind.
Their match had been on the pre-show, so they stuck around for the rest of the pay-per-view. They watched the rest of the matches from backstage, sharing a bag of Doritos. Danhausen’s friends won their matches, but Hook’s fellow Team Taz members, whose match was near the end of the show, lost theirs.
So while Hook had every intention of doing something with his tag team partner after the show was over, his friends had other ideas.
“C’mon man, we gotta go take shots and dance it out with some girls,” Ricky huffed when he got backstage.
Hook looked over at Danhausen, who was smiling politely but didn’t look particularly enthusiastic at the prospect of going to loud clubs. It honestly was never Hook’s first choice either, but he just went because that’s what his teammates were doing.
Hook wasn’t a follower exactly, but he sure as hell wasn’t a leader. He had a tendency to go with the flow, and listen to people if they had enough confidence and charisma to back it up. Strangely, Danhausen had both of those traits in spades, just not in the way most other guys in the locker room did.
“Hook can go with his friends,” Danhausen told him. “It’s okay, Danhausen was going to go toy hunting with his friends tomorrow anyway. No late night partying or gambling for Danhausen.” He gave an easy smile to Hook and flapped his hands in dismissal.
Hook felt a pang of guilt, and realized that he kinda felt like maybe he’d enjoy hanging out with Danhausen more for some reason. But then Ricky was pulling on his arm and as always, he just went with the flow. He looked over his shoulder to see Danhausen waving as he walked away.
---
Hook returned to the hotel just a little after 2 o’clock in the morning. Vegas doesn’t have a last call time, it goes hard all day and night long, but he maintained a rule of thumb that nothing good ever happens after 2 AM. No matter what was going on, by 2:00 AM it was time to get a taxi back to the hotel. Starks wasn’t good about following this rule, and it was always a coin flip to would see how he was feeling when it was time to hit the road the next day.
Hook paid his cab driver silently and shuffled his way through the lobby, hood up, head down. He made it to the elevator with no issue, thankful for not having to run into anyone who wanted a selfie while he was boozy and tired.
He reached into his hoodie pocket, pulling out a pack of Red Vines he happened to pick up while they were out. They stopped by a convenience store for 5 Hour Energy shots in between clubs (Hobbs’ terrible idea), and Hook found himself buying some candy on autopilot. Hobbs watched him, expecting him to open them (and probably ask for one), but Hook tucked them, unopened, into his hoodie for later.
At the time he didn’t think much about it directly, but looking at them now, he knew exactly why he bought them. It’s the only reason why he found himself picking up sugary snacks lately. He figured maybe he could give them to Danhausen as a lame apology for not going out with him.
As the tension of worrying whether he would make it back to his hotel room unbothered or not left him, Hook started to relax enough in the safe haven of the empty elevator to realize he was, in fact, a little keyed up. He felt buzzy and good, a little reckless in a headstrong way.
He pulled his phone out and idly opened a text chain with Danhausen with a last sent message of “Good luck Hookhausen!!” from much earlier in the day, before they got to the arena. Based on the time, he imagined Danhausen sent it as soon as he got up in the morning to get ready. Hook started typing.
i had fun tonight
Hook was surprised to see an ellipsis form almost immediately, before a reply quickly came: Did Hook dance on the bar with pretty ladies?
Hook scoffed. no, dude. i meant w/ u He paused for a moment, thinking that was plenty. But against his better judgement, he clarified, ur a fun tag partner. we make a good team
The ellipsis appeared again quickly. Then stopped. Then returned. Then stopped again.
By now the elevator had arrived at his floor. Hook stepped out, staring down at his phone.
He decided not to wait for the ever-revising reply. As he walked toward his room, he typed, what room are you?
The ellipsis stopped. Then, 317
Hook looked up to discover he was standing directly in front of 317. Because his room was 318, just one more door down. He didn’t even realize their rooms had been right next to each other. He would have gone to bed without even realizing his tag team partner had been there next door this whole time. Without taking any time to overthink it, he knocked on the door.
Hook couldn’t help but laugh to himself as he could hear a startled exclamation of "nyehh!" on the other side of the door. Then, footsteps.
The door opened a crack, chain lock engaged. A face, one he was not expecting, peeked through the crack. "Hook?" Danhausen asked incredulously, voice raising comically in surprise as his eyes widened like a cartoon character. He quickly shut the door, disengaged the chain, then opened the door wide. "Come in, come in," he said, ushering the other man into his room, head bowed.
"Hook startled Danhausen," the man admonished him as he closed the door. "Danhausen was watching a movie and wasn't expecting a knock so suddenly." He pushed his way past Hook to the main room. It was pretty dark, all of the lights off aside from the soft glow from the hotel room TV. But in the light of the television, Hook could see exactly why he was unsure of who had answered the door.
Standing before him, looking more than a little apprehensive, was a face both familiar and unfamiliar. The man standing in front of him stood in a pair of sweatpants, a loose-fitting tank top, and a very distinct lack of black-and-white face paint. Were it not for the tattoos, hunched shoulders, and odd way of holding his hands, Hook almost wouldn’t have recognized him.
Hook realized belatedly that he’d only ever seen the man backstage, usually in his gear though sometimes in street clothes, but always with face paint and never without. It also occurred to Hook that Danhausen’s face paint tended to hold better than most—it didn’t often flake off his face mid-match like Darby Allin or Jeff Hardy. At most, it smudged. The supposed demon insisted so often that was his real face, Hook had almost started to accept it.
Danhausen’s face, bare of the black and white face paint, was handsome, and it made Hook wonder why he covered it up. He still seemed to have dark circles under his eyes, and Hook couldn’t tell if it was because he was extremely tired, or just bad at removing all of his makeup. Hook felt like he was peeking behind a curtain most never had the opportunity to.
Danhausen gave him an uneasy smile, looking exposed. “Hello,” he said with a wave. “It’s Danhausen’s human CGI makeup. Very advanced, very expensive.” His voice would have been the dead giveaway on its own. Even without the paint, he sounded exactly the same. Guess that part wasn’t an affectation either. He was just like that.
“I didn’t wake you up?” Hook asked. Though the lights were off, the TV was at a loud enough volume that it was obvious something was actually being watched, not just being used as miscellaneous white noise to lull someone to sleep.
“No, no,” Danhausen waved his hand in response. “Danhausen was watching scary movies on cable. Best parts are censored, but it’s better than nothing.”
Hook looked at the other man, standing awkwardly in the middle of his hotel room “Sorry if I’m interrupting,” Hook mumbled, suddenly starting to come to the realization that he just entered someone’s personal space. If you had a hotel room to yourself during travel, it was your one haven away from everyone else on tour. Kinda private. He’d been in other Team Taz members’ rooms because they were hanging out or borrowing something from one another. He’d never been in Danhausen’s room. No reason to.
Now he couldn’t remember why he was here. It just…seemed like a good idea at the time. The other man was obviously still up, and Hook wasn’t ready to go to sleep yet. He reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out the package of licorice. “…I brought you Red Vines,” he said, feeling a little foolish.
But Danhausen’s reaction had made him feel anything but, as he reacted with such extreme delight it was infectious. “Oh! Perfect!” he exclaimed, grabbing the treat. “Thanks to Hook.”
Danhausen had made a little nest for himself on the bed, pillows rearranged to create a little fort, bed blankets bunched up at the end of the bed. Sheets pooled around the center point where Danhausen had obviously been sitting. He had an open bag of sour gummy worms and another of M&Ms sitting on the nightstand. He opened the Red Vines and took one out, chewing happily as he set the package with his other candy.
Danhausen cleared his throat. “Would Hook like to watch movies with Danhausen?” He didn’t even wait for a response before starting to rearrange the pillows to make more room for a second person to fit. He grabbed an unopened single serving bag of Lay’s original potato chips off the table in the corner. “Look! Danhausen has chips for Hook! They came with Danhausen’s lunch from catering, but he never got the chance to eat them.” He patted the bed enthusiastically with his free hand.
Hook wasn’t sure he was going to stay, but after being immediately catered to so enthusiastically, he figured he’d have to, otherwise he’d feel bad. Didn’t want to be rude a second time tonight. Plus, the salty allure of the chips sounded very nice in contrast to his boozy haze. He gave a small smile and nodded.
Hook kicked off his shoes and settled onto the bed, hood still pulled up over his messy hair, insulating his personal space. Danhausen watched him expectantly, then clambered onto the bed next to him, being careful to leave room so as not to disturb Hook’s personal space. He handed Hook the chips.
Danhausen was watching him openly, like studying a wild animal. He looked both excited and unsure. Hook was realizing how strange it felt sitting in a hotel room with Danhausen, bare-faced and in his sweatpants in the dark. “…So, uh, what are we watching?” he finally asked, unable to stand the awkward silence.
“Killer Klowns From Outer Space!” Danhausen exclaimed jubilantly. “Scary! Funny! Weird! Everything you could want in a movie,” he said confidently. “Cult classic.”
That earned a surprised chuckle from Hook. “Sure, okay.”
Danhausen nodded, then finally turned back to face the TV, releasing Hook from his focus for the first time since he’d knocked on the door.
The movie was definitely weird, Hook thought. It felt very Danhausen. That balance of comedy and horror, very camp, strange, and surreal.
Hook was having a hard time focusing on the movie, because he was extremely aware of Danhausen’s fidgeting on the other side of the bed. He kept readjusting his legs, moving his hands, tapping his fingers on the bed.
“You okay?” Hook asked, giving him a sideways glance.
“Oh, um, yes, yes,” Danhausen lied. He was still for a moment, but it was abundantly obvious that it took great concentration on his part.
“It’s fine,” Hook tried to reassure him, and without thinking, reached over and grabbed Danhausen’s hand. Danhausen didn’t pull his hand back or slap him away. Hook sort of wished he did, because instead, they just sat there for a few long, heavy moments, holding hands in silence, not making eye contact. Hook was finally the one to let go. He said nothing.
Danhausen’s fingers started to tap the outside of his own thigh, fidgeting even more intensely.
Hook sat forward to look at him face-on. Danhausen seemed to be having a hard time making eye contact with him. Even when he tried to look at him, Danhausen was distinctly looking at some spot off in the distance on the wall behind Hook’s hood.
“Hey,” Hook said, and that got Danhausen to look at him, briefly. He locked eyes with him for one intense moment, then they flicked away just off and above his ear. He looked like a cornered animal. Hook couldn’t help but use the opportunity to study his face. While Danhausen didn’t look like what Hook was used to right now, he could still see the man in his uneasy grimace and awkward posture.
Hook had been thinking about this man for weeks now. He originally had no intention of interacting with him, let alone befriending him, or having him as a tag team partner. This utterly strange man had wormed his way into Hook’s thoughts, his life, his career, and dare he admit—his heart.
It was simultaneously exciting and infuriating.
“Hey, uh, just tell me if you don’t want this,” Hook finally said, moving into Danhausen’s personal space.
“Just push me away if you want to,” he continued in a hushed whisper as he put his hands on Danhausen’s shoulders and pushed him back into one of the pillows. “It’s chill,” he said, leaning down, “if you don’t,” his lips brushing against Danhausen’s, “…it’s cool either way,” breathing into the other man’s mouth.
He guessed he got his answer when Danhausen’s eyes fluttered closed in response, leaning up into it, soft unpainted lips sliding against his own with a sigh.
Hook was bold in many ways, in quiet ways. He was (of course) the one to open his mouth, tongue licking at the other man’s lips, delving in as they parted for him. Danhausen tasted like Red Vines. Hook didn’t kiss often, but he loved to do it when he did. Sloppy makeouts were his favorite. He started hot and heavy, starting a heavy grind against the other man’s body, then moved to drawn-out, languid kisses that left Danhausen gasping for air when he finished.
Danhausen seemed enthusiastic but outpaced, trying to keep up with the rhythm Hook had been setting. His lower half had frozen, and as Hook pulled back to get a look at him, he understood why. Danhausen was hopelessly, obviously, blatantly, extremely hard. His face was flushed and he panted, a difficult-to-read look on his face. It was both full of want and uncertainty. Horniness and confusion. Desire and unease.
“Hook,” Danhausen said, half questioning.
Hook lowered his face to Danhausen’s again, saying against his lips, “If you don’t want this either,” he said, sliding his open palm against the erection straining against the other man’s sweats, “now’s the time to say something.”
Danhausen gasped as Hook gently curled his fingers, tightening around him. Danhausen swallowed, voice uncertain as he said, shaky but with purpose, “Danhausen wants it.”
Hook kissed him then, hard, hand stroking up the fabric. Danhausen’s hips bucked in response. Hook grasped the elastic on either side of Danhausen’s waist and pulled down, sliding his sweatpants down to his knees. His erection swayed in the open air, heat-flushed and sticky on the head with precum. Hook maneuvered himself into an easy access position and made hard eye contact with him.
Something deep down in Hook kind of wanted to wreck this obnoxious man, make him suffer for pestering him so insistently and consistently that he had no choice but to open up and let him in. Now Hook had finally turned the tables, he was the one pushing and prodding and had Danhausen on his heels for once.
Hook wanted to finger him open, make him shake and cry for release. But as he stared up at a flushed and panting Danhausen, both hands covering his face, peeking down between his splayed fingers, who stuttered out in a small voice, quieter than he’d ever heard the other man speak, “Pl...please be gentle with Danhausen,” and the aggression immediately abated.
Hook took the other man into his mouth. Danhausen whimpered. His dick twitched. Hook smiled to himself and went to work.
Hook worked him with his mouth, his tongue, his hands. Based on the sounds Danhausen was making, he was quite enjoying himself. “Hook, oh—oh, Hook, Danhausen’s…I’m…” he mumbled, stumbling over his words with increasing frenetic urgency.
Danhausen had asked him to be gentle with him. Hook figured the most gentle thing he could do was swallow. He let Danhausen come in his mouth, the other man’s back hunched forward and curved as he stroked Hook’s hair affectionately. That, Hook didn’t mind either. He pulled back after swallowing him down, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.
“Danhausen thanks Hook,” Danhausen said, breathless. “How, um…” he trailed off, losing his train of consciousness as he stared at Hook’s heat-flushed lips, shiny with spit and cum. “How can Danhausen repay the favor?”
Hook had a bit of an exhibitionist streak in bed, and had a feeling it would be well-received here. He leaned back on the shitty hotel comforter, lifting his hips to push his basketball shorts down his thighs. His own erection stood proud and straining, and he jacked himself slowly with one hand while he leaned back on his other elbow. Soft puffs of air escaped between his pouting lips, hand stroking up and down, foreskin sliding in his hand. Danhausen stared at him, open-mouthed, enraptured.
“You can have a taste, if you want,” Hook said casually. “Or…” He paused thoughtfully, thrusting up into his fist a few times, head tilted back and eyes closed.
That caught Danhausen’s attention. “Or what?”
Hook cracked open one eye to look at him. “You ever been fucked?”
Danhausen looked scandalized, for multiple reasons. “No swearing,” he said, but it caught in his throat so hard he barely croaked it out.
“Or…I can just handle things myself,” Hook said with a shrug, quickening his pace.
“No!” Danhausen said a bit too hastily, reaching out to still Hook’s hand. He shifted his hips to the side, pushing out his ass, hanging bare out of his pushed-down sweats. “Hook can…enter Danhausen. Danhausen would like that…very much.” He flushed even darker and covered his mouth with a hand.
Hook grinned wickedly. Hook slid out of both his oversized hoodie and shirt, shucking off his shorts and underwear and tossing them to the floor. Danhausen slipped out of his clothes in the meantime, awkwardly laying naked on the bed while Hook undressed.
He didn’t have condoms or lube, and it didn’t seem like Danhausen did either. Guys in desperate situations knew how to make do. The complimentary travel-sized lotion that was always present in their hotel rooms, no matter what city they were in, worked in a pinch.
Hook smeared lotion on his fingers and started working Danhausen open, one finger prodding and eventually adding a second, scissoring them gently back and forth until the other man was making flustered, impatient noises.
“Hoooook,” he pleaded.
“Mmhm,” Hook said to him as he removed his fingers and lined up his cock to his hole. Hook pressed into Danhausen, sinking into the heat of him with gentle persistence, feeling his body give way to him gradually. By the time he pushed into him completely, his forehead rested against Danhausen’s. They panted quietly into each others’ mouths, breath mingling between them. Danhausen’s gaze was fixated solely downward, to where Hook’s body pressed into his. Hook was currently fixated on Danhausen’s open mouth and parted lips.
Danhausen’s eyes flickered up, looked at him directly. “Hook can move,” Danhausen told him.
Hook moved his hips backward, sliding out, then pushing back in. “’Kay,” was all he said. Again. Faster. Again. Quick snap of the hips. Again. Danhausen’s head lolled back. Again. A moan. Again.
“Mm you feel real good,” Hook mumbled, riding his sex high.
Danhausen held back sounds, turning his head to the side and throwing an arm over his face to hide it.
Hook wasn’t sure why he kept covering his face, but didn’t want to press the matter. He’d obviously caught the other man naked in more ways than one.
Hook pulled out of him completely, making some vague noises and gestured for him to lift his ass up. Hook stacked a couple pillows on the bed before turning Danhausen over on his stomach, using the pillows to prop his ass up into the air. Hook pressed back into him, a slow sweet easy slide. Danhausen grunted in a different way when Hook bottomed out in him this time. A slow wheeze with breath held at the end. Hook rolled his hips and Danhausen let out a low keen.
Facing away from Hook, he’d stopped trying to cover his face. Instead his hands were gripping the sheets, trying to find purchase so he could focus on angling his hips back and up. His head was turned to the side and Hook had a pretty good view of the side of his face, eyes screwed shut. Hook pounded into him, trying to encourage more sounds and expressions and interactions.
“Unh,” Danhausen muttered, grabbing at his own dick, hard again.
Hook lifted up, fucking down into Danhausen vigorously, his thrusts bouncing the other man’s hips off the pillows below.
Danhausen was whimpering frantic noises of approval and encouragement as his fingers flew over his cock, orgasm pulsing a fever pitch as he unloaded into his hand, hole twitching in aftershocks. Hook pushed deep, deep as he could while the wave of his own orgasm crested and he shot his load into the other man. Hook wondered if that was rude of him—most guys made it clear up front whether they were into that or not.
Danhausen was aimlessly groaning beneath him as he pulled out, barely coming back to his senses in a syrupy post-orgasm haze. “That was very good Hook, Danhausen thanks you,” an exhausted Danhausen muttered beneath him. “Danhausen hopes he proved what a very good lover he is.”
Hook marveled as Danhausen started to nestle down into the blankets, readjusting the pillows to tuck one under his head, and turning off the TV. The room was plunged into sudden darkness.
“Hook can stay in Danhausen’s room tonight if he wants. Danhausen needs to sleep, thank you goodnight.” True to his word, he almost immediately began slumbering peacefully, ass full of jizz and all. Hook was a little stunned. All of his prior sex partners seemed so high-maintenance all of a sudden.
Hook got up and poured some tap water into one of the hotel room’s glasses, taking a few gulps before feeling hydrated enough to get into bed. No surprise, Vegas had shitty tap water.
Hook sighed, shuffling a hand through his unruly hair. He preferred to sleep with as little on as possible, but decided to put his underwear back on, feeling like he didn’t want to be too indecent.
He realized his modesty was comical, considering he’d just fully had his dick in the other man’s ass, not to mention the fact that Danhausen was snoozing out blissfully unaware making honk-shoos in a way that only a man who had been so well-fucked that he could fall asleep filled with another man’s semen could.
Danhausen left in his wake a kind of chaotic energy that both delighted and frightened Hook. He didn’t really like unpredictability, but something about the journey was better than the destination.
Hook’s thoughts were still swirling when his head hit the pillow and he was lulled into a deep relaxed sleep, one hand reaching out to brush against the unclenched fist of Danhausen.
---
Hook woke to an empty bed, but a presence in the room. Danhausen, face paint freshly applied, was bringing in a warm steaming bag of greasy hot breakfast comfort—he knew from the smell and the bag design that it was, in fact, McDonald’s breakfast. Hook could have fallen in love with him then.
“Danhausen told you about the McDonald’s Test, yes?” he was muttering, moving about the room in a puttering fashion, clearing some space on the side table for them to eat.
Hook realized he was being asked a question and nodded. He did remember Danhausen explaining it to him, his general rule for whether a restaurant is worth eating at again. If you finish the meal and realize you would’ve rather just had McDonald’s, then it doesn’t pass the test. Danhausen insisted you could substitute whatever your preferred large fast food chain was, but McDonald’s obviously was the best choice.
“Test applies to breakfast too,” Danhausen said as he held up the bag.
Hook got out of the bed and sat at the table, taking whatever Danhausen handed him. He was so thankful for oily hashbrowns and the deliciously greasy sausage egg McMuffin with cheese, he ate them voraciously.
“Thanks,” Hook told him sincerely. He realized he was sitting there in a pair of boxer-briefs and nothing else, hair fluffy and flopped over, unruly. Danhausen had been up long enough to get dressed, put his makeup on, and go acquire breakfast. How long had he been out for? “Sorry, you could have woken me up,” Hook told him.
“Oh, no,” Danhausen said dismissively. “Hook needed the sleeps. It was late last night, plus Danhausen noticed Hook had a bit of alcohol on his breath when they kissed,” he continued. “…Danhausen hopes that Hook doesn’t think that he took advantage of him.”
Hook stared at him dumbly, near slack-jaw. “Are you serious.” More a statement than a question. “If anything, I took advantage of you. …But I didn’t mean to. I hope you don’t think…” he trailed off.
“It’s okay,” Danhausen said, trying to act casual but pointedly avoiding eye contact. “Danhausen knows sometimes friends do things that are confusing and they don’t mean, so he doesn’t want to make things…’weird’…or whatever.” He made exaggerated air quotes with his hands, held at chest level as always.
Hook didn’t fully understand the significance of Danhausen’s words at the time. He looked at the other man, confused. “It’s…only weird if you want it to be weird,” he told him. “But I meant it last night, and I mean it now.”
Danhausen’s expressive face told too much at times, and it was distracting. Hook was full of warm salty food, and it was making him feel pleasantly languid. He wanted to show he meant it.
“Hey,” he said, reaching out a hand. “You, uh…up for a round two, maybe?”
Danhausen’s eyes widened in delighted surprise. Then he made a regretful whining sound, batting Hook’s hand away half-heartedly. “Danhausen’s too sore, Hook ruined him,” he groaned, apologetic.
Hook cocked his head before narrowing his eyes. “Maybe Danhausen would like to return the favor?” he suggested slyly.
The other man’s eyes lit up as he crushed a hash brown sleeve in his fist. “Hook wants to be penetrated by Danhausen?”
Hook grimaced. “I mean, less so when you say it like that, but…yeah.”
They made for the bed quickly. Based on Danhausen’s performance last night, Hook anticipated him to be a fussy top, he was surprised to see how matter-of-fact the other man was when he knew he had a job to do.
He wasted no time bending Hook over on the bed and fingering him open with warm deft fingers. Danhausen did love prodding, Hook thought randomly. He gasped, feeling like he was about to have his shit rocked and thrilled at the idea.
“C’mon,” Hook whined, trying to spur the other man on. He couldn’t stand being edged like this on a Monday morning, he was fit to bust a nut and get it out of his system already.
“Ooh, lovely sounds,” Danhausen mused aloud as he worked. Hook almost shouted when Danhausen thrust his tongue into his hole.
“Fucking sheesh,” Hook exclaimed.
“No swearing,” Danhausen’s lips traced the words on the back of his thigh.
“You have to allow it in sexual situations,” Hook said, exasperated.
Danhausen pulled back as he considered this. “How come?”
“Because we’re already censored and off the air with the current activities,” Hook tried to reason. “Who cares about cursing when full-frontal male nudity is on display?”
Danhausen was considering this much more heavily than Hook had expected. “Danhausen can find no flaw in your logic,” he considered after a moment of consideration. “Swearing is allowed in NC-17 situations.”
“Good,” Hook thrilled at his little victory. He meant it so sincerely, “So fuck me already.”
It seemed to spur Danhausen on, the thrill of the forbidden swearing layered over top the already high-key tension. From behind, he pressed his thick cock into Hook’s slick hole and it slid in like it belonged there. Hook may have been a cold-hearted devil when the cameras were on, but even he couldn’t help but pant with need as Danhausen gave him a series of slow purposeful thrusts, jolting his hips and pressing his weeping cock into the pathetically floppy hotel pillow.
“Hook feels very good,” Danhausen whispered to him, fingers dancing a melody on the plane of skin on his back. Then his hand reached around to stroke Hook’s dick and he almost saw stars.
“Y-you feel good,” Hook stuttered awkwardly, realizing how sex-drunk he was already. He moaned helplessly. “But I’m gonna come quick if you keep doing that,” he warned.
Danhausen tutted and turned Hook over before pushing back into him again, faces pressed together. Hook’s moans were swallowed by Danhausen’s tongue in his mouth.
Danhausen was much bolder this morning than he was last night. Hook couldn’t quite put his finger on it until he realized that with his black and white paint on, Danhausen wasn’t trying to cover his face with his hands or avoid eye contact. He was fully present and completely focused on Hook. It was enough to make him bust, almost.
What was enough to make him bust was getting fucked so fluidly while Danhausen’s hand twined between them, fingers curling on Hook’s weeping cock and jacking him in time with his thrusts. Danhausen paused his thrusting long enough to fondle Hook to orgasm, cum spilling over his knuckles as he spurted with his mouth frozen in an open “o” of surprise. Danhausen removed his hand with the last of his pulses and placed each hand on Hook’s hips and just absolutely jackhammered into him until he came, shoulders hunched and dick pressed into him as hard as it could go.
“Holy shit,” Hook said in wonder and exhaustion, one hand clutching Danhausen’s back, other hand brushing his own messy hair back.
Danhausen’s posture straightened slightly as he pulled away and out. “Danhausen is the best lover,” the demon said with a lazy smile. “Hook understands now.”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Hook replied, slight smile dancing on his lips. “I sure lucked out, getting the best tag team partner and lover,” Hook said, playful grin creasing the edges of his eyes.
The genuine surprised smile Danhausen gave him in reply was worth everything in the world.
Hook rubbed his face as he relaxed back into the bed. “Hey wait, I thought you were going to some toy stores or something?” Hook asked.
Danhausen grinned. “Later, this afternoon. I told Bordy and Egon I’d meet them later.” He messed with his own hair, causing it to stick out at all angles. “Hook can come too…if he wants to.”
Hook nodded thoughtfully. “Sure, I’d like that. I don’t gotta be anywhere this afternoon, my flight leaves tonight. Plus, I still owe you some post-victory partying, don’t I?”
“Hook doesn’t owe Danhausen anything,” the demon said sheepishly.
“Well, then I’ll do it because I want to,” Hook said.
Danhausen grinned and gave Hook a kiss. “Perhaps Danhausen’s curse worked after all,” he said with a small tricky smile. “Perhaps Danhausen cursed Hook with friendship.”