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denial

Summary:

Seungcheol wants to play around with orgasm denial while overseas. What he doesn’t realize is that after three months apart, you’re feeling denied in a whole lot of other ways, too.

Notes:

Happy Seungcheol Day! I wrote this while dealing with a migraine which is the only explanation I have for why I dipped my toes into daddy kink. I make no apologies.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

You’ve never been a fan of phone sex–at least, not until Seungcheol.  Dating an idol means that 70% of the time you’re in a long distance relationship and that requires being creative.  And that’s one thing he definitely is: creative.  

That’s why you have your favorite vibrator pressed hard against your clit, waiting for his permission to come, while he’s currently in a hotel room in Europe.  He’s sharing with someone, you can’t remember who right now, but he sent them out sight-seeing without him so he could spend quality time with you instead.

“Turn it up higher,” he orders.

Clicking the tiny button on your toy, the vibrations intensify and you get a second of relief before the pressure of your building orgasm returns tenfold.  Your instinct is to pull away, but you force your hips to remain still, knowing that it’ll be worth it if you can push past your sensitivity.

Seungcheol doesn’t sound any better off.  You can hear the slick sounds of his hand moving rapidly up and down his cock and the image is enough to make you moan.

“Feels that good, baby?”

“Feels good,” you say, “but I’m thinking about you, Daddy.  Wish it was my hand instead.”

He swears under his breath, almost choking on the word.  “Wish it was your pretty little mouth, angel.”

His words go straight to your clit and you can feel it pulsing under the assault from your vibrator.  Your wrist is sore from holding it in place and your thighs are shaking.  Seungcheol has dragged out your little play session for almost twenty minutes and your nerves are raw .

He doesn’t sound much better though, his normally stoic demeanor cracking with every huffed breath and stifled groan.

“Are you close?”

“Mhm,” you say, feeling the tight coil of pleasure deep in your belly.  “Can I come, Daddy?  Please?”

“No.”

You’re not expecting his response so for a moment you nearly crest; thankfully, you have enough brain power left to pull the vibrator away just in time, your hips rising to meet empty air.

“Did you stop yourself, baby?”

“Y-yes.”

“Good girl.  Turn it off.”

Panting, you swallow against your dry tongue, trying to hold yourself under control.  Is he really going to make you get yourself off with your fucking fingers ?  He knows you hate fingering yourself, that it’s never as satisfying as when he does it.  If he’s going to give you a shitty orgasm, why bother at all?

“I can still hear it vibrating.”

Fuck you , you think, holding back the curse just barely.  You want to come and being angry about it isn’t going to help you right now.  Obediently, you shut off the toy, mourning the loss of stimulation.

“Daddy, it’s off.  But my fingers aren’t as good,” you plead.

You swear you can hear his smirk.  “I know, angel.  But no fingers, either.”

No fingers?  How does he expect you to–oh.  Oh no.

“I’m going to make you come so hard,” he promises.  “You just have to wait for me.”

“Wait?”  He’s still got one more concert before the flight home but according to your schedule, that’s still four days away.  Unless something changed?  “Are you coming home sooner?”

Seungcheol chuckles.  “No, baby.  You’ve gotta hold off for the next four days.  Can you do that for me?”

Four days.  He got you to the very edge of an incredible orgasm and now he wants to deny you for four fucking days !?  In your confusion and rage, you haven’t responded, and he’s starting to sound concerned.

“Baby?  Can you do it?”

“I can fucking do it.”

“Language,” he chides, his dominant voice coming out to challenge you.  

“What, are you going to punish me?” you retort.  It’s not like he can deny you an orgasm, because he’s already fucking doing that .

“I will if you keep that up.  If you can’t do it, you know the word.  Say it and you can come tonight.”

You know your word and you both know you won’t use it.  After all, you’re not in distress, you’re just pissed off right now.  You haven’t seen him in months and it’s left you edgy and restless.  This bit of intimacy over the phone is the most attention you’ve had in far too long and now he’s stripped away your pleasure.  It’s unfair.

Biting down on your lip, you refuse to respond.

Seungcheol’s voice softens.  “You can handle it, baby girl.  I’ll more than make it up to you, I promise.  And just so you know, I didn’t come either.  I’m going to wait until I can come inside your perfect little pussy.”

His words send jitters of excitement through your core and you throw your head back onto the pillows, hating the power he has over your body.

“Good?”

“Mhm.”

“Clear response, please.”

“Good.  I’m good.  We’re good.”

“Thank you, baby.  I can’t wait to see you.”

You can’t wait to have his mouth on your pussy, finishing what he started in the flesh.  It’s a small reassurance knowing that he’s just as wired and dissatisfied as you are right now.  That’s one thing about Seungcheol that you appreciate: he’s never willing to put you through anything he wouldn’t do to himself.  He’s big on equality.

And torture, you think, feeling your sweat tacky on your skin now.  “I’m going to go take a cold fucking shower,” you grumble.

Seungcheol just laughs.  “Me too.  It’ll be worth it.”

You know it will.  He always makes it up to you.  But you’re not quite done being a brat yet.  “It better be.”

“When have I ever failed to keep my promise to you?”

“There’s always a first time.”

“So negative, baby.”

You lean over so you can rest your chin on his pillow, which no longer smells like him.  He’s left you a bottle of his cologne so you can refresh his things when you miss him too much, but it doesn’t capture his full scent.

“Hurry home, Cheolie.”

“Counting down every second, angel.  I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

After you hang up, you lay there, feeling the ache between your legs only slightly stronger than the ache in your chest.  Time can’t pass quickly enough.

 


 

You wish you could say that work has kept you distracted, but it hasn’t.  The ache hasn’t left you alone ever since Seungcheol’s last call.  Every quiet moment is ruined by your brain conjuring up fantasies of his hands on your body, pulling pleasure from every inch of you.  It doesn’t help that you went and sprayed his cologne all over the bed and inside his side of the closet, so now you smell him throughout the apartment.  Every time you catch a whiff, you immediately turn to look for him.

But soon he’ll be home and you can jump into his arms and eat with him and laugh with him and sleep with him again.  You can’t fucking wait.

Your phone rings with his custom ringtone and you answer it in seconds.

“Cheolie!”

“How are you feeling, baby?”

“Horny.  Please tell me you’re getting on the plane,” you say, moving around the room with excitement.  You’ve got everything ready: new lingerie, clean bedding on the bed and a spare set on the chair because you’re definitely going to make a mess, and dinner already prepped and stacked in the fridge to be heated up when you’re done.  

“Baby…”

Something in his tone makes you pause.  “What is it?  Is your flight delayed?”

“Not delayed, but the company booked us some additional schedules.  I won’t be able to come see you right away.”

“Okay,” you say slowly, trying to slow your anxious heartbeat.  Why does he sound so worried?  “When can I see you?”

“We’re scheduled to be here another week.”

A week ?  Another full fucking week ?  You’ve barely survived this long and now he’s not even going to be in the country for seven more days.  The crushing weight of your disappointment feels suffocating.

“I’m sorry, angel.  I didn’t expect this at all.”

He’s saying something about an extra performance and how it’s never been done there and they’ll be the first and blah blah blah.  You want to be happy for him and deep down, you are, but you also want to cry.  

“That’s good,” you say dully, not sure if that’s the right response at this stage in the conversation.  Your head is on the fridge full of food that isn’t going to get eaten.  Maybe you can freeze it?  But you also stocked the freezer with his favorite things, so there’s not enough space for more containers, and this is really a minor thing in the face of the world but right now it’s enough to overwhelm you.

Seungcheol goes quiet.  The silence is uncomfortable and it rarely is between you two.  But neither of you know how to address the situation.

“You did a lot, didn’t you?”

“Not much,” you lie.

He sighs.  “I’m sorry.  You know I don’t have much, if any control over these things.  And the guys are so excited.  I mean, we’re all tired and ready to go home, but excited, too.”

Which is fair.  But you were also excited at the thought of having him home.  Your world is broken into two spheres: with Seungcheol and without Seungcheol.  And you’re so tired of being without him.

There’s a rustling sound as he shifts his phone to his other shoulder.  “You can come tonight, sweetheart.  I can talk you through it, if you want.  You can use your favorite toy and that warming lube you enjoy.  Let Daddy help?”

He feels so guilty.  It’s obvious from his conciliatory tone, from the fact that he’s willing to end your shared misery early.

“I have some time now,” he says.

You’re not sure how you feel about being fit into his schedule like an afterthought.

“If I’d known about this, I wouldn’t have denied you.  Come on, sweetheart.  Are you getting ready?”

You haven’t moved.  You haven’t replied.  In a few more seconds, he’s going to get angry, then worried.  You should say something.  But there’s nothing you can say without wanting to cry and he doesn’t need that guilt now, too.  He needs to focus on his job and his team and not on his emotional girlfriend back home who wants more to hold at night than a scented pillow.

So you do the one thing you absolutely should not do: you hang up.

He calls you back immediately.  Reflexively, you hover over the green button before letting it ring out.  He’s going to be so annoyed with you.

Your phone rings again, but you flip it over and let it vibrate against the bed.  There’s no real benefit to being petulant but you can’t bear to speak to him right now.  Instead, you take a bath.

You use up the bath bomb you were saving for your post-sex reunion with Cheol, sinking morosely into the citrus-scented water and feeling angry.  At Cheol, at his company, at yourself for being so childish, at the ache between your legs that hasn’t gone away in four fucking days .

You could get yourself off if you want, you have his permission after all, but you don’t really care.  What’s the point if it’s not with him?  You’ve gone this long, may as well wait another week.  

Another fucking week.

Sniffling, you drain the tub and wrap yourself up in the fuzzy white robe that Seungcheol likes to tease you about.  He says it makes you look like a polar bear bunking down for the winter.  There’s no point in worrying about your nighttime routine because it’s not like there’s anyone around to see you these days, so you just go straight into the bedroom and flop down on the bed, robe and all.

Your phone is quiet and you don’t dare flip it over.  It’s still early in the evening, but there’s nothing you want to do now that your plans have been shattered.  You curl up on his side of the bed, staring your phone down.

You haven’t slept well since Seungcheol left on tour.  When he’s home, he lets you cling to his arm like a koala.  You’ve been using a body pillow in the interim, but it’s not the same, not even a little.

At some point you do manage to fall asleep, harassed by anxious, nonsensical dreams that leave you feeling uncomfortable and nauseated when you wake up.  You make a cup of hot tea and finally check your phone.

You’ve got five missed calls from him and a slew of texts.  There’s even a voicemail, which you ignore in favor of the texts.

Cheolie: Did you lose service or are you ignoring me?

Cheolie: Baby girl I know youre upset but let me help you

Cheolie: Being childish is not helping

Cheolie: You know this isnt my choice I would be there with you if I could

Cheolie: I am worried.  Stop ignoring me please

Cheolie: I’m being serious now. text me. 

The voicemail is over a minute long and you feel your stomach drop to hear his firm tone.  

“I’m going to assume that you’re okay and you’re just angry with me, which is fine.  You’re allowed to be disappointed.  I am, too.  But behaving like a child and ignoring me isn’t helping the situation.  We both agreed to put our careers first and while I’d love to be home with you, I have responsibilities that remain regardless of my feelings.  You said that you could handle that, but if you’re going to get this bratty over a delayed orgasm then–”

You don’t even bother to listen to rest, your anxiety immediately replaced with fury.  Does he really think this is just about a stupid orgasm?  Yes, you’re frustrated, but more than that, you’re heartbroken.  You’ve been waiting and waiting for him and it’s never-ending.  And yes, he’ll be home in another week, but for how long?  You’re not sure how much longer you can wait for him like this, how much disappointment you can swallow.

You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to date him, but you also didn’t.  It was impossible to predict just how lonely the nights alone would be, how listless the days would feel.  How you can’t bring him to your company events because he’s never free, which leaves your coworkers to whisper amongst themselves about your imaginary boyfriend.  Originally he would send flowers to your work, but after the fifth time you got accused of sending them to yourself and you begged him to stop.

Among all your friends, you’re the only one who can say they’re in a solid long-term relationship, and yet you show up to all the dinners and parties alone.  And you don’t begrudge him any of this, because you love Seungcheol and you know what that means.  But sometimes, sometimes you feel so goddamn alone.

And it would be nice for him to acknowledge that, instead of assuming you’re being a petulant brat over a sex game.

You think I’m a brat, I’ll be a brat .  Finishing your tea, you leave your phone in the kitchen and go on with your day, getting ready for work even though you’re working remotely today.  Still, you’re the best-dressed person on those damn video calls.  It isn’t until around lunch time that you wander back into the kitchen and realize you’ve left your phone there most of the day.

There’s just one new text from Seungcheol: Please just tell me you’re okay

You can’t keep ignoring him forever and some of the earlier rage has abated, so you respond.

You: Im fine

You see him typing immediately.

Cheolie: I have been up most of the night worried

Cheolie: you can be mad at me all you want but at least respond to my texts

That’s right.  While you’ve been working, he should have been sleeping.  Time differences still mess with your head.  You don’t like not being on the same schedule.

You: sorry.  I didn’t want to talk

Cheolie:  you scared me

You: sorry.  We can talk now?

Cheolie: I have interviews ill text you later

You stare down at your phone feeling the sharp sting of tears.  It’s not his fault he’s busy and now he has to do interviews while exhausted, because you decided to be petulant.  You know he worries and there was no reason to ignore him.

Except that you didn’t think he’d actually stay up worried.  You figured he just wanted to be in control, like always.  He wouldn’t lie about waiting for your texts just to make you feel guilty, either.

How come you’re always the one fucking up?  You skip lunch and keep your camera off for the rest of your meetings.  You want to text Cheol but if he’s busy you’ll just be annoying him, so you wait and think that this must be how he felt all night waiting on you.  It’s not a great feeling.

You’re dozing on the sofa when your phone goes off in your hand.

Cheolie: Just got back to the hotel.exhausted.  Need to sleep.  You okay?

You: I’m okay.  Please sleep.

It’s still early evening for him, which means he’s missing out on sight-seeing and activities with the guys in order to catch up on sleep.  You feel sick.  You drag yourself to the bedroom and fall asleep still fully dressed.

 




The texts continue on much the same for the next four days.  A brief check-in where you both lie about being okay, a confirmation of your schedules for the day, a text when either of you are going to sleep.  Since you’re bad at sleeping, you pick a reasonable time to say good night and then stay off social media so he won’t know you’re lying.

The worst part, or maybe the best part, is that you’re not even horny anymore.  You’re just sad .  Even though you’re the one at home, you feel homesick.  It’s not the same when he’s not here and he hasn’t been here for the last three months.  An entire season has gone by since your boyfriend last kissed you, last held you in his arms.

You’re in bed, snuggled in Seungcheol’s hoodie that you’ve doused with cologne, when his text pops up on your phone.

Cheolie:  I know youre sleeping baby but im sorry

Cheolie:  I know youre upset

Cheolie:  I want to be home so badly

Before you’ve even thought about it, you’ve already responded.

You: I want you home so badly

Cheolie: why are you awake?

Shit.  He’s caught you red-handed. You can spin a story about how you heard his messages, but you sleep through texts all the time.  He’ll never believe it.  Thinking quickly, you’re about to respond when his second text comes through.

Cheolie: Dont bother lying, I already know you arent actually going to sleep when you say you are

You: How did you know?

Cheolie: You text me at the same time every night.  You’re never that consistent.

Idiot.  You set an alarm to tell him goodnight without even thinking that would look suspicious.

Cheolie:  You’ve been acting weird lately

Cheolie:  I know you’re mad atme

Cheolie: at me**

You: I’m not mad at you

You: I just didn’t want you to worry 

Cheolie: I worry more when you hide things

Is he accusing you now?  You’re just as quick to anger as he is, so it’s no surprise that you call him immediately.

“You’re so frustrating!” you hiss when he picks up.  “I’m not hiding things!”

“You’re not being honest, either,” he points out, sounding just as frustrated.  “You’re always squirrely about your day and now you’re lying about going to sleep.”

“I’m not squirrely!”

“When I ask you how your day was, it’s ‘did work, took a shower, eating dinner, going to sleep.’  Normally you at least play a game or tell me about a book you’re reading or something else .”

“That’s what my days look like right now.  I’m just tired.”

“But not sleeping.”

“Ugh!  Your days look the same, too!  ‘Did an interview, in the car, with the boys.’”

“That’s different and you know it.”

Huffing, you lean back against the pillows, blinking hard up at the ceiling to hold back your tears.  “What do you want me to say?  I miss you.  Okay?  Sorry my life isn’t super interesting right now.”

He starts to speak but you hear voices in the background.  Seungcheol acknowledges whoever’s talking and then tells you, “I have to go.  We can talk later.”

“Okay.  I l–”

But he’s already hung up.  You just stare at your phone as though he’ll magically call you back, but he doesn’t.  He never misses a chance to say “I love you.”  That feels more damning than the accusation of you hiding things from him.

You type out a long, angry paragraph, but by the time you get to the end, your frustration is gone.  Deleting it, you toss your phone onto his side of the bed and roll over away from it.  Maybe he doesn’t even miss you at all.  Maybe you’re just boring in comparison to all the people and places he’s experiencing now.

You lied, the anger is still there.  Flipping back over, you grab your phone and type out: really going to sleep this time b/c i’m climbing everest tomorrow and competing in the olympics afterwards

It takes a while for a response but finally he sends back no kisses if u don’t get gold

You: That’s fucking stingy

Cheolie: What can I say I have high expectations

Cheolie: Go to sleep

You: Elitist 

Cheolie: Sleep.  Thats an order

You: you’re not my boss

Cheolie:  We’ll see in 3 days

Your pulse jumps at that.  Three days until he’s home and you’ve been a nonstop brat lately.  The fact that he’s not engaging with your attempts to fight with him means that he’s eerily calm about it and you’re going to pay the price later.

You hope you’re up for it.

 




Seungcheol gets home in the late afternoon three days later.  You’re ready, with your brand new lingerie under your casual house clothes.  The bedding is washed and prepped again.  You’ve got a sickening sense of deja vu as your phone rings, but this time it’s just him letting you know he’s landed and he’ll be there soon.

You anxiously while away an hour by going through the apartment and straightening things that don’t need to be straightened.  By the time the door opens, you’re about ready to fling yourself into the sun with how much you need to see him.

And suddenly, finally , he’s there in the doorway, travel-worn and sleepy, and you feel uncharacteristically shy.  After all, it’s been months.

Normally you’d leap into his arms, but you hover for a moment, unsure.  Seungcheol notices your hesitation.

“Are we strangers now?” he asks, exhaustion heavy in his voice.

“No,” you say, startled.  

Holding his arms open, he says, “Then come here.”

You immediately jump into them, wrapping your legs around his waist.  Now that he’s here, now that you’re actually in his arms, smelling his actual scent, you feel overwhelmed.  Tears spark in the corners of your eyes and you’re grateful he can’t see them.  

“There’s my baby girl,” he murmurs, resting his face in the crook of your neck.  After a moment, he inhales and sighs.  “You always smell so good.”

“That’s my line,” you reply, grateful that at least your voice sounds controlled.

Neither of you want to let go and he makes no move to put you down, even when you start to shift.

“Cheol…”

“In a minute.  I wanna stay like this.”

“Aren’t I heavy?”

“Not at all.  Light as a feather.”  

He’s lying, but you giggle in appreciation.

“I made food,” you say, leaning towards the kitchen.  “Or we can just sleep.  You look tired.”

“I haven’t seen you in three months.  I’m not coming home just to go to sleep.”

“I don’t mind.”

His expression softens as he looks at you.  “I slept on the plane, I promise.  You always take such good care of me and I think I owe you something important.”

There are butterflies in your stomach at the thought of being intimate with Seungcheol after so long.  What if you’re not good at pleasing him anymore?  

“There’s a lot to catch up on,” you say, trying to cover up how nervous you suddenly feel.  

“After I’m done making you feel good.”

“But–”

“How can I make anything else a priority when my baby has been waiting for me for so long?”  His eyes search yours for confirmation and you nod rapidly.

“I’ve been waiting, Daddy.  I’m your good girl.”

“You are,” he says, voice husky.  “My very good girl.”  

His thumb brushes across your lips and you obediently open your mouth so he can press against your tongue.  You suck against the digit as he pulls it free with a pop.  

“Is that the cherry lip gloss I like so much?”

Pouting your lips, you ask, “Wanna taste?”

“Wanna do more than that,” he replies, abandoning his luggage in the foyer and carrying you straight into the bedroom.

He eases you down onto the mattress, covering your body with his.  You manage one plaintive whine before his mouth is on yours, eager for contact.  It takes you both a moment to adjust, but only a moment.  Then the hunger takes over and he’s kissing you like a man starved within an inch of his life, lips hot and sticky from your lip gloss.  You can taste the cherry on his tongue as it presses into your mouth, licking against your teeth.

“Fucking missed you,” he says, pulling at your shirt, which is actually just one of his shirts that you refuse to return.  When he feels the telltale lace underneath, he freezes.  You take the ends of the shirt and pull it up and over your head, revealing your soft white bra.

“Missed you, too.”

“I didn’t see this charged to my card,” he says, stroking the lace over your nipples and making you shiver.

“I bought it with my own money, Daddy.”

You delight in how his expression darkens.  “Now, baby, you know the rule.  I pay for all your lingerie, so that way I don’t have to feel bad when it gets ruined.”

When he ruins it, you think.  “But then it wouldn’t be a surprise,” you point out.  As though it’s ever truly a surprise when you dress up for him, because you love to do it.

“Good point.  I’ll try to be gentle with this set then.”

Unlikely.  You can count on one hand the number of sets you’ve been able to wear twice.  And with the way his hands are roving over your chest and stomach, you doubt this one will survive, either.

He pauses for a moment, leaning back on his heels.  “I forgot to tell you to charge your vibrators.”

“Good thing I did it anyway,” you say happily.

He laughs.  “That’s my gold star girl.”

“Do I get a reward for that?”

“Depends on what you want.”

Tracing your finger across your collarbone, you say, “Decoration?”

Placing his warm mouth to your neck, Seungcheol sucks and bites at your skin all the way down to the edge of your bra, leaving behind swollen marks that you can’t see but you can feel .  You’re desperate for more stimulation, but every time you try to grab for him, he pushes your wrists back into the bed.

“Impatient, like always,” he chides.

“Ple-e-e-ase,” you whine.  “I need more.”

Nosing at your damp neck for a second, Seungcheol whispers into your ear, “What do you need, baby?”

“Touch me.”

“I am touching you.”

“Touch me more .”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

You can hear the amusement in his voice as he nuzzles the curve of your ear before nibbling at your earlobe.  It’s a sensitive spot for you and you gasp at the shock of pleasure that rushes through you.

“You want me to kiss your pretty mouth?  Suck on your pretty tits?  Fuck your pretty pussy?”

“Yes!”  After a second you add, “Please?”

He rewards you by kissing you so deeply that you’re sure your lips must be swollen already, all traces of cherry lip gloss gone at this point.  Nimble fingers slip under your bra to pinch and tease your nipples, making you wish you’d just gone naked underneath your outfit because it would speed things along.  

Being impatient never gets you what you want though, so you try your best not to fuss.

“Daddy…”

“You want this off?” he asks, snapping one of the straps and making you jump.  You nod and Seungcheol’s hands slip under your back, searching for the clasp.  What you didn’t remember, in your joy of picking out the prettiest lingerie, was your boyfriend’s absolute lack of patience for anything that gets between him and what he wants.  After approximately five seconds of searching for the hidden hooks, Seungcheol grabs the side of your bra and tears .

The flimsy, elegant lace gives way instantly.  You watch him fling it to the floor with a look of pride.  “Problem solved.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Didn’t you want my mouth on your tits?”

“I take it back,” you say quickly.  He’ll buy you a new set anyway.

“That’s what I thought.”

If you thought he would be gentle in his tiredness, you’re very wrong.  Seungcheol nips and tugs at your breasts, making you gasp from the stimulation.  He doesn’t stop until your nipples are sore and there are visible red marks sucked into your skin.  

Kissing a path down your stomach, he hooks his fingers under the sides of your matching lace underwear and tears those, too.  Glistening strands of your arousal cling to your panties as he pulls them away from your cunt; you can feel your own wetness in anticipation of his touch.

He yanks you towards the edge of the bed and you shriek, startled by the suddenness.

“I’ve got you, angel,” he assures you.  “I’m going to make you feel incredible.”

He starts to kneel but you grab for his shirt, not sure why you’re stopping him.  There’s a ball of fear in your stomach; you suddenly don’t want him out of your sight.

“What–?”

“Kiss,” you demand, practically yanking him down again.

He relents for a moment before pulling away.  “Am I going to have to tie you up?” he growls.

While you’re no stranger to that, you feel a surge of alarm at the thought of being restricted tonight.  You want to be close to him, as close as possible.  So you shake your head against the blankets.  “No.  I’ll be good.”

“Then keep your hands to yourself.”

“I just want to touch you, too,” is your quiet response.  

Seungcheol softens for a moment, stroking your cheek with his thumb.  “You okay, baby?”

You nod, but he adds, “Words, please.  You know the rules.”

“I’m okay.”

“Patient, baby.  You’ll get to touch me plenty later.  Right now, I want to spoil my baby girl.”

More like torture, you think, as his fingers trace your damp inner thighs, inching closer to your center.  He dips two fingers between your folds, running them through your wetness to flick your clit.  The sudden contact makes you gasp, your back arching off the bed.

You’re both a bit stunned at how sensitive you are.  Seungcheol just grins before pulling your legs apart and kneeling down.  Warm breath ghosts over your thighs, your cunt, the anticipation making you tremble.  Then, finally, blissfully, his tongue dips between your folds.  

It’s been so long since you’ve felt this good.  You almost can’t handle it, forcing Seungcheol to pin your hips down against the mattress as he eats you out, not wasting any time on teasing you anymore.  He seems just as eager to get you off, sucking and flicking at your clit with a focused intensity.  One arm goes across your hips, freeing his other hand to open your folds for better access.

Within only a few minutes you’re writhing, tossing your hair from side to side.  “Please, Cheolie–”

“Who?” he asks, his stern voice muffled.

“Daddy!”

“You close, baby girl?”

You almost don’t want to tell him, afraid that he’ll tear your orgasm away again.  You don’t think you can survive being edged tonight, not after all you’ve been through already.  But the words come out in a scrambled mess as your orgasm surges quicker than you’re expecting.

“Daddy, Daddy, please don’t tease me,” you beg.  “I can’t…”  Hold out, you think, a second before you come so hard your vision goes dark.

When you can focus again, you find Seungcheol sitting up on his knees looking smug.  His chin is wet with your essence.

“Did I squirt?” you ask, your mouth dry.

“Not quite,” he responds, showing you his glistening hand.  “But close.”

“Hmm…”  You feel a bit dazed still, so it takes you a moment to realize that he’s eased your legs open again and is pressing his finger to your slick opening.  It slides in easily and you moan at the sensation.

“You with me, baby?”

“Two, please.”

“Already?  Insatiable, aren’t you?  What baby wants…”  A second finger joins the first, wet, slippery sounds echoing in the room.  

You’re shocked at how quickly your second orgasm builds.  Seungcheol’s fingers reach deeper than yours ever could; you push your hips forward to meet his thrusts and he doesn’t try to hold you still this time.  Instead, he turns his hand so that his thumb presses hard into your sensitive clit, rubbing firm circles.

A choked sound leaves you and you’re coming again, breath catching in your throat over and over as you try to breathe through the pulses.  You don’t even get a second to come down though before Seungcheol is pressing your vibrator against your clit on the highest setting, sending you into a third, instant orgasm that almost hurts in its intensity.

“Too much,” you gasp out, trying to shift away from the constant stimulation.  There’s a ringing in your ears and you can taste salt on your lips.

“My bratty baby wanted to come,” says Seungcheol.  “So I’m going to let her.”

So that’s the punishment he was planning.  You knew he was being too calm.  It’s not the first time he’s overstimulated you, but you feel too brittle to handle it this time.  Words form and die on your tongue as you shake from the pleasure that borders on pain.

Seungcheol leans up to check on you and you realize that you’ve got tears streaking your cheeks.

“No, no ,” you mumble, pushing at his hands.  If he touches you for even a second longer, you’re going to scream.

Seungcheol must sense the shift because he immediately sits back, removing the toy.  “Safeword?”

It’s there, on the tip of your tongue. Cherry.   All you have to do is say it and everything stops.  You waver, frozen, unsure.

“Okay,” he says gently.  “I think we’re done.”

You know what he means.  You know and yet your brain panics, wondering if somehow he means done forever and that you’re about to lose him for good.  What if he’s disappointed in you for not holding out?

He’s been so frustrated with you lately and this is just another way you’ve let him down.  You feel yourself starting to crack like glass about to shatter.  Seungcheol’s brows tighten as he catches your gaze.

“Hey.  Baby, are you with me?  It’s okay.”

You sob .  Full, body-wracking sobs that catch in your throat and choke you.  All the times you’ve cried in the last two weeks are nothing compared to this intensity and Seungcheol doesn’t know what to do.  He wraps you up in his arms, petting your hair, your cheeks, anything to get you to calm down.

“Baby, baby, please,” he says frantically.  “You’re okay.  You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you weep.

“What are you sorry for?” he asks, unable to pull you any closer to his body but trying nonetheless.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I d-did!  I ignored your calls and you didn’t s-sleep and I hung up on you!  And I lied about sleeping because I didn’t want to stress you out but I can’t sleep when you’re not h-here!”

“Oh, sweetheart.  Did you think I was mad at you?”

“You weren’t?”

Giving you a rueful smile he says, “Maybe a little.  I just didn’t understand what was going on.  I thought you were sick of me.”

Shaking your head, you sniffle hard.  “I missed you, Cheol.  I miss you all the t-time and you’re not here and it’s not your fault but it hurts!”  You rub at your chest, just over your heart so he understands.  “It hurts…”

The barest “ oh ” escapes him.  He has you curled up in his arms as close as possible.  “I’m sorry I made you hurt.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep going.  Please don’t hate me.”

“Don’t apologize for that ,” he says firmly.  “I should have talked to you before we did anything.  I knew you were uncomfortable but I pushed us into sex anyway, thinking that was the problem.  You don’t have to prove anything to me, ever.”

“But I want to be your good girl,” you admit, trying to hide your reddened, messy face.

“You are.  You’re my best girl.  Give me a moment, okay?”

Seungcheol returns with tissues and water, refusing to engage until you’ve had most of a full bottle.  Then he hands over his own shirt because you’re feeling painfully exposed.

You sit there trading hurts from the last three months until your sobs become sniffles and even Seungcheol’s voice quavers.  He’s got a lot of his own insecurities, too, and it amazes you to think that all this time that you’ve been afraid of losing him, he’s just as afraid of losing you.

“It’s unfair to you.  That’s why I was so afraid of a serious relationship.  I know I’m not here for you when I need to be and I’m constantly wondering is it worth it?  But then I look at my job and my team and everything feels so unclear.”

“I know you love your job,” you say softly.  “I knew what I signed up for and I’m not backing down, but I do miss you.  All the time.”

“I know, angel.  I miss you, too.  All the time.  And not just for sex.  I miss the sounds you make when you sleep and how you cling to my arm during the night.  The way you smile and how everything just lights up around you.  And your cooking–damn, I really miss your cooking.”

You laugh into his chest.  “I prepped a bunch of meals already.”

“You’re amazing, you know that, right?”

“I’m sorry I was a brat.”

He chuckles, running his fingers through your hair.  “You are, but you’re my brat.  I love you.  How about I run us a bath and we sleep early?”

As tempting as that sounds, there’s something else you want first.  You run your fingers over his sweatpants, feeling his still-hard cock pushing at the fabric.

Seungcheol tries to push your wrist away.  “Angel, don’t worry about it.”

“But you said you were going to come inside me.”

The look of shock on his handsome face is enough to make you want to laugh.

“You still want that?”

Pressing a gentle kiss against his soft bow lips, you say, “I’ll always want you.”

“And you’re not too sensitive?” he asks.

There’s a low ache between your legs, but you want him inside you tonight.  “I can take it,” you confirm.

Seungcheol nods.  “All right then.  But you need to promise me something.”

He’s using his serious voice and you think you know what’s coming already.  And he’s absolutely right.

“Earlier, you needed to use your safeword and you didn’t.  I need to trust that you’ll tell me when you’ve had enough.”

“I know.  I was overwhelmed.”

“Do we need to work out something else?  A hand signal?”

You give him a quick peace sign that you use when you’re restricted or gagged.  “I know my hand signal.  You can trust me.  I promise I will use it when I need to.”

Kissing your hair, he says, “Thank you.  I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

This time you get to touch him.  He lifts his hips as you pull his sweatpants down only to find him naked underneath.  Seeing your amusement, he explains, “I ran out of underwear on our last day.”

“Don’t some of the guys share underwear?” you ask.

“Are you suggesting I should have borrowed Jihoon’s pink–”  He inhales sharply as you curl your fingers around his cock.  The head is swollen and flushed and you can only imagine how tortured he must have felt this entire time.  The fact that he was ready to ignore his own pleasure for your comfort makes your heart swell.

He passes over the warming lube that you both enjoy and you squeeze some out into your hand.  This time, when you grip him, he lets out a deep groan.

“I’m not going to be able to handle much tonight,” he warns.

Still, you can’t help but exact a little revenge, stroking him until his thighs tremble from his attempts to keep himself under control.  Just when he’s about to scold you, you lift your hips up and slowly lower yourself onto him.

The sensation of his cock sliding into your slick warmth makes you both moan.  As nice as his fingers are, they can’t compare to how he feels, and the fullness makes you a bit lightheaded.

“You’re so tight,” he murmurs, brows pinched and body tense.

“You feel amazing, Cheolie.”  Carefully, you raise yourself up before slowly dropping down again, finding your rhythm.  Never one to sit still and receive pleasure, Seungcheol braces his heels into the mattress so he can meet your thrusts, drawing out whimpers of pleasure from you.

After a minute he tugs at the shirt he gave you, pulling it off so he can have an unobstructed view of where your bodies meet, how your tits shake with your movements, and the long line of hickeys he’s left from your neck down your sternum.

“You’re perfect, you know that?”  His voice is strained, almost languid with adoration.  “Absolutely perfect.”

“Gonna come,” you tell him.  He reaches down to rub at your clit but you push his hand back.  “No, too sensitive.”

You’ve never come without additional stimulation before, so you’re both surprised when your muscles tighten around him.  It’s like a gentle wave washing over you, so different from your earlier orgasms but no less enjoyable.  The pulse of your cunt sends Seungcheol over the edge and he grips your waist as he thrusts inside of you, filling you completely.

For a moment neither of you move.  You, with your head on his chest, still resting in his lap as he softens inside you.  He exhales gently, pressing chaste kisses to the shell of your ear.

“I’ll always come home to you, you know that right?”

You smile against his skin.  “Welcome home.”

Notes:

For those looking for more Jihoon and Seungcheol, I've got a few longer plotted fics in progress for both of them. :) Thanks for reading!