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Today was supposed to be a simple and relaxing day off for Mr. Green. He was supposed to wake up at 5:30 and get ready to go for a hike in Eden College's woods and, if he's lucky enough, see the beautiful sunset in Stella Lake. There is no modern technology, no snotty children running around, and no distractions that a teacher from the most prestigious school in Ostania could possibly imagine. Just him and nature, just like the good old days.
There's something in the sound of the chirping early birds, the warm feeling of the cool wind against a waterproof jacket, and the nostalgic smell of soggy earth that makes Mr. Green reminiscent of his prime days in the navy.
Things were tough during the war, he lost a lot of friends and family to westalian soldiers and airstrikes. He remembers the feeling of paranoia and fear that ruled over rationality in the nation, and wanting it or not, it still does.
However, there are some memories that he cherishes deeply. One of them is a patrol he used to do with his peers, where he would wake up about the same time and search for potential enemies and deserters while making plans for a future with no hunger, poverty, or human greed. Even though most of them either died in combat or deserted to Westalis, he still keeps doing this ritual every free day he has. Old habits die hard, just like the memories of those who are now gone.
And there he is, standing at the entrance of the woods with a hiking backpack and expectations for a calm and relaxing walk. He would walk all the way up to the river while admiring the scenery. Hunt some rabbits or go fishing the old-fashioned way for lunch. Collect some plants that might be useful for cooking or medicine. And, after all of that, see the sunset at one of the most beautiful places he has ever been: Stella Lake.
Well, this was how it was supposed to happen, because now, lying in the grass right in front of him and away from the safety of Eden, is a teenager with messy dark brown hair and hazel eyes holding a pen and notebook.
Wait, he knew this boy.
“Damian, what are you doing here, awake, son? You weren't supposed to be outside the dorms at this hour.”
“Oh, Mister Green! I-I didn't see you approaching,” the teen stuttered. “ I was only...Uh... Taking an air, yeah! Too much studying without a proper pause is bad for my academic performance, you told me this, remember?”
Mr. Green had known this kid since he was an arrogant six-year-old whose dream was to become the fastest Imperial Scholar in Eden history. Being true to his word, he became one of the youngest students to achieve such merit at the tender age of 13. He is intelligent, athletic, respectful and the second son of one of the most influential families in Ostania. He is the perfect model student, so stuttering and avoiding eye contact is completely unexpected for somebody like him.
“Son, you know very well how dangerous it is to stay in the middle of the woods, all by yourself and without proper equipment.” His eyebrows frowned as his eyes started to analyze the lad. His uniform and hair (hich are usually clean and flawlessly organized) were disheveled, and there were some leaves in some of his dark brown locks. The face was covered in dirt, and his eyes, which previously shone like gold, are cloudy like those of someone in great sorrow.
He was a mess.
“I forgot my notebook here after yesterday's field trip. So I came to pick it up and I kinda tripped on a rock”
“You could get a Tonintrus bolt for this, you know”
“I-I know, sorry, sir...” Damian stood up, head down, already waiting for the scolding of his lifetime.
Mr. Green thought for a second. He could give the boy a scold that even his grandchildren would remember, and take him to the dormitories by the ear. But would make him lose track of time and possibly lose the only opportunity that he had in months of being in touch with nature like he wanted. Besides, the boy looked like he had been going through a lot now, and it would only make it worse.
He could leave him here and continue his route, but again, something about Damian just smelled fishy, and it is his duty as a teacher to guide the students and make sure of their protection. It also helped the fact that something in him told his ears that he may need this more than him.
After a moment of contemplation, Mr. Green decidedly opened the front zipper of his backpack and took out of the bag a lantern, handling it over to Damian.
“Here, son, you'll need this for where we're going”
“Wait, what? Weren't you going to scold me for this?” The teen looked up at the old man, confused hazel eyes met the teacher's apprehensive looks.
“I think you don't need one, besides you won't want to stay here until Madam Schlag comes in and gives you three bolts or worse,” Mr. Green added with a smile. “Also, clean your face, son, it looks like you were being chased by a bear!”
And so they started their journey with only the faint morning sunlight, two lanterns, and the company of one another.
As they went deeper through the forest, Damian's distraction started to bother him more and more. His only responses were short answers (when he answered), kicked rocks every three minutes, refused to eat, and almost fell three times because he was too lost in thought to hear any of his warnings.
It was only by the end of the trip that Mr. Green understood what was happening: messed up clothes, mindless behavior and lovestruck eyes could only mean one thing.
The kid is in love.
And he doesn't seem to like it.
“You have been quiet for quite some time, hum?” Mr. Green broke the silence. “Tell me, kid, who's the lucky girl that captured your heart?”
This phrase was enough to make the young boy blush furiously. Mr. Green chucked, 'It seems I'm right, then'.
“I-I- AM NOT IN-” he breathed, “Was it that obvious?”
“Not so much, but it was still noticeable.” He glanced at the teen, seeing his awkwardness as he tapped his back. “Relax, kid, you are sixteen! You won't be punished for having a crush, it's not a crime to like someone!”
Damian blushed even harder.
“I-I- guess so,” he muttered under his breath. If the idea Damian Desmond liking someone aroused his curiosity, that response only made it skyrocket.
He better keep it to himself now, though. That would only make the boy more uncomfortable and make the whole trip awkward. Also, they'll arrive at Stella Lake in about ten minutes, way sooner than he expected and right on time for the sunset.
While doing that, he should change the subject to something else.
“You know, when I was your age, I also used to have a crush on a girl.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” Mr. Green sighed. Memories of his old self started to flow through his mind. “We were classmates at the time. I was too much of a coward to actually make a move, and we lost touch after I joined the navy”.
“I can't imagine you being afraid to talk to a girl”
“Trust me, I was”
“… Do you still think about her?”
“Sometimes, you can't forget your first love, even if you try to.” His gaze fell on the horizon. Silence says more words than an ent could ever say, “Look, we arrived.”
As the sun slowly sets on the horizon, the sky explodes in a mixture of cold and flaming colors, the blue slowly being replaced by shades of purple and yellow, with a pinkish touch in the orange-tinted atmosphere. The fluffy white clouds and peaceful waves of the lake only contributed to the breathtaking view that they are privileged to have.
"Wow, this is...”
“Breathtaking, I know,” Mr. Green added, “Why don't we sit here and enjoy the view before going back?”
“Alright then,” Damian said, sitting on the grass, feeling like all the weight of the past few days had disappeared as he relaxed against the floor. “... If you had a chance to tell that girl you liked her at that time, would you do it? Even if she were, hypothetically speaking, worlds apart from you?”
“Probably yes, even if she were worlds apart from me, that doesn't mean that I couldn't find a way to get to her”
“I see…”
“You never told me who you are in love with,” he glanced over the boy. “You can trust me, I won't tell anyone. Maybe you will feel better if someone else knows; I can even give you some advice if you want”.
“Thanks, but I don't think I'll need love advices from you, no offenses, of course”
“Hey, I'm not that old!” the teacher jokes. “Feel free to share it, only if you want to, of course”.
“The girl I like-no, the girl that I have been loving for the past ten years of my lifetime is...” he swallowed his pride in every meaning possible, “… Anya Forger”
“Anya Forger? That pink-haired girl that punched you in first grade?” Mr. Green stared at him with surprise, he already heard some humors about Damian liking Forger and the other way back. He would also be lying if he said that he didn't bet with Mr. Henderson on who's going to confess first (he bet 50 dalc on Damian because Mr. Henderson said that the boy didn't have the elegance to do it).
“The one and only.” Damian glanced at the pink dots on the horizon that reminded him of her silky hair, and he desperately wanted to caress them. “You wanna know what the worst part is? I only realized it now, after probably pushing her away for good”.
Tears started to drop from his eyes, and his hand started to tremble as his intrusive thoughts flooded his mind and he reflected on his past actions, recalling everything with a bitter smile on his face. He made years of mistakes and misunderstandings on his way to her heart. He used to think that he had a faint but real chance with her if he showed her what a great boyfriend he could be. How intelligent, handsome, and talented he is—how he could make her the happiest woman in the world if she accepted him as more than a friend.
Unfortunately, fate had other plans for him. Being a Desmond meant more than influence and money, he had responsibilities and an image to keep, and dating a commoner would ruin what he spent years of his life building. It's true that their parents were friends, now that his dad is out of the picture. And Melinda had openly shared her hopes of having Anya as a daughter-in-law, and even his brother hinted that he should make a move on her. However, he was a Desmond, and he-
No. If he's trying to solve all his problems now, he should stop putting the blame on others and face the reality: he did absolutely nothing to make her change her mind and was too scared to do something about it. All he did was be a jerk to her and Blackbell. Holding on to the fact that they were “friends”, even if he desperately wanted something more. Even if the idea of her giving the attention he craved to another man kept his anxiety in check.
How many sleepless nights did he spend thinking about their future together? He planned their dates. The type of ring he should get her for the proposal, and where and how marriage would take place. He even has a full list of potential names to give to their future children (all of them starting with an D, of course) in hopes of actually using them. He planned their lives from start to finish, the only problem was that he didn't have the courage to actually make it a reality.
It's not like he didn't try, though. One time, Damian bought flowers and imported peanuts to ask her out, but he got nervous and gave up at the last minute. Actually, it has happened more than ten times already. It happened more than one time. He had also planned on taking her to one fancy party as his partner by making her jealous. But it all backfired, and he ended up having to painfully watch Anya dancing with Crowley (an image that still makes his blood boil) and him having to stand the most annoying woman clinging to him like a child.
He just couldn't think straight every time she looked at him with her big green eyes that looked like emeralds with an innocent look on her face, unaware of the effects she has on his mind and body.
He could deny it however he could, but his heart belongs to only one person, and this person probably hates him now.
“If you don't mind telling me what happened, probably it isn't something that can't be fixed.”
Damian could feel the lump in his throat forbidding him to speak any further, but he has to. He needs to.
“We were having our normal arguments' *hic* about that stupid spy show and-and she told me something I can't quite recall now. But I remember I got defensive over it, and *hic* said some terrible, horrible things about her.”
Mr. Green quietly heard as Damian poured his feelings into his shoulder, his hand moving in circles to comfort his student.
“She looked so broken and left crying after that *hic*. I tried reaching out to her, but she and Blackbell keep avoiding me, and I-I just can't *hic* live another day knowing that I am the reason for all of this to happen in the first place.”
The tears streaming down his face were twisted in regret.
“I'm just so *hic* tired of holding back these feelings and being a jerk to her! I spent the whole night thinking about it over and over, and I'm so *hic* tired of always telling myself that I can't date her because she's a commoner or that she's not good enough for me.”
His voice was getting lower and faster at each word, as if he were trying to acknowledge the facts to himself instead of someone else.
“The truth is ... the one that doesn't deserve kindness is ME! She's my best friend and-and she's so gentle, kind, and lovable, and the only thing I do is *hic* make her cry and feel like crap.”
After what it seemed like a lifetime of tears and reflections, Damian finally calmed down and wiped his tears with his hand, “I wished that things were different between us”. Grass touched the tips of his fingers in an effort to calm him down as he stroked the leaves.
“And why can't they be?” Mr. Green softly replied, his sweetness in his tone didn't go unnoticed by Damian. “Your life isn't over, Damian. I know you said some things you regret to her, but if you don't apologize and tell her how you feel, things will be like this forever. Remember, kid, you are just sixteen! You have time to decide what you are going to do with your life, and if you really want things to change, you need to do something about it”.
Damian finally looked up, his eyes wet and puffing from crying his feelings out on his professor's shirt.
“... Do you still think I got a chance with her, even after all of this?” His hoarse voice was trembling with hope, the excitement spreading through his body. “That she can be with a jerk like me, even after all I've done to her?”
“That's up to her to decide, and as you said, she's your best friend! She'll probably hear you out if you try to apologize to her. Just apologize and tell her your true feelings towards her. Tell her how much she means to you and how much you cherish her smile. But forgiving is something that only she can do.”
Maybe all he needed was a push to make him realize the things he could do to win her heart and finally claim her as his girlfriend. Perhaps all he required was a confirmation from outside. Or maybe he just found the confidence to make all his dreams a reality.
“You... You are right, Mr. Green. If I don't do anything about it now, then nothing will change between us! I have to confess my feelings and apologize for the things I said our whole lives! Determination struck Damian as he stared to imagine his ways out of his current situation.
While he pondered what he could do, the last rays of sunshine were replaced by the cool shine of the Moon. The colorful and expressive sky is replaced by a steady dark night, with beautiful stars and sparkling constellations being reflected by the lake. Some fireflies finally started to show their true light as they danced through the night.
“I only need a place... She doesn't like expensive dinners and prefers her dad's cooking... Taking her to a theater also sounds like a bad idea, since she's not an opera fan.” Damian finally let go of Mr. Green's shoulder and looked at the harmonious background, coming to a realization. “THAT'S IT! The Stella Lake! I can try to convince Blackbell to help me out. I know she hates me, but there must be a little empathy in her heart that will make her help me! And after taking her to the lake and telling her everything, I can ask her out with a bouquet of roses, that's it! Thanks, Mr. Green!” He hugged the teacher, every cell of his body jumping in gratitude and anticipation.
“I'm only here to help, son,” he smiled, getting up from his seat in the grass. “Well, we better head back to Eden before you catch a cold again,” he chucked.
“That was one time when I was 6!” Damian whined.
“If you say so,” he shrugged.
After that, they walked all the way to the school, talking about everything that has been going on in their lives this past months. Accompanied only by the peaceful sound of cicadas and crickets.
When they both reached Eden, they parted ways, and Mr. Green wished the boy good luck on his confession.
Life is too short to be covered with ‘what if's’ and ‘why not's’. All those years he spent on the battle field, a place rotten by death and hatred, only justified his reason to live. Live for those who didn't have the chance to scape from that hell. Live for those who gave his life to give him a chance of surviving. Live to make sure that his generation's mistakes do not repeat over and over again.
Live for those who will need him.
Even if it's just for love advice.
Now, all alone under the serene moonlight, he watches the teen fade into the background.
'They really grow up fast, don't they?’