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"Hwa?" Hongjoong was slowly blinking with an attempt to understand who exactly was trying to hug him under the blanket. Long arms wrapped around his body, pulling closer, and he felt a cold nose against his neck. Hongjoong slowly - vividly bright green figures on the clock shone three in the morning - turned and tried to see through the night darkness. Seonghwa pursed his lips, looking away. His eyes were glowing even in the deep night shadow. "What happened?" He whispered.
Seonghwa slightly moved his head, looking at the captain with such sorrow, that Hongjoong could only sigh, pulling him closer. His slow breath at collarbones, soft hair tickling younger's cheek. Hongjoong gently, carefully patted Seonghwa's back, feeling the movement of the muscles that strained for a moment. If it was anybody else - he would be already at the other side of the door after such a spontaneous visit.
Seonghwa gradually calmed down - not that he had been crying or his pulse had been beating like drums - but something with the taste of relief filled his body and let him fall asleep. Hongjoong frowned a little bit, hugging tighter and leaving a feather-like kiss on the top of his head. Maybe, it was a bad day. Not the worst , but bad enough, if Seonghwa had fought his hesitation and doubts and came to him.
They were not so frequent - those bad days.
Seonghwa was always himself: eerily clean, admiringly caring and worrying. Understanding. Most often aside from the schedule he could be easily found with somebody else - with San, Wooyoung or Mingi - watching dramas on the couch in the common room. Sometimes he played with Yunho, cooked and explored new recipes. He could do lego for hours, murmuring something under the nose. Hongjoong's heart was swelling especially hard when Seonghwa came to his studio with a book and headphones. Sat on the couch, turning on his own music. Just being there. And then - when it was too late - he softly rubbed the captain's shoulder to remind about the time.
Anybody could always go to Seonghwa in search of support and love. Soft, warm and gentle like his smile.
Almost always.
But sometimes the bad days happened.
At those days Seonghwa talked less, smiled shortly, if struggling and with the bitterness in the depth of his eyes. He accepted cuddles with thirst, but never came for them first worrying about something meaningless and unnecessary. At those days he didn't go to the studio, cooked silently and spent time mostly in the bedroom reading and watching movies.
Once - when bad days stopped being an awkwardly hidden secret - Seonghwa told them that was his way of running away from reality. From himself.
Hongjoong rubbed his back one more time, listening to even breath. Everything would be alright. Others said it, he said it. And Seonghwa wanted to believe it.
"Joong-ah." Seonghwa was calling from behind, putting hands over his shoulders and leaned closer. Captain twitched, looked away from the laptop and slightly squinted his eyes.
"What?"
"Nothing." Seonghwa smiled brightly, if a little bit in pain, hugging Hongjoong more. He was sure that it was uncomfortable, considering that the rapper was sitting. He hummed, turning back and thinking that a little break wouldn't be harmful. This song was still very complicated. Seonghwa was forced to let him go so as not to fall aside and then their faces were in front of each other.
"Are you sure that nothing's wrong?" Hongjoong raised his eyebrow smiling with satisfaction, when Seonghwa sat on his lap. His hands immediately flew to an incredibly gorgeous, slim waist pulling closer. The elder ran through dark hair with his fingers, slightly - almost sweetly - scratching.
"Mhm" Seonghwa replied, leaning down and leaving a short, light kiss on the captain's lips. "I don't know, I feel strange." He waved his hand in the air and then put back on the shoulder, tilting his head. "I'm just… happy? Like… everything is how it should be. With the group, with children and with us, I mean, with me and with you, and with us together, and…" Seonghwa inhaled deeply, realizing that he couldn't control his own words. Hongjoong laughed quietly, making Seonghwa squirm and blush on his lap.
"I'm glad." He smiled again and then moved his hand higher to the shoulder blades, pressing slightly to get Seonghwa closer. Their smiles and love spread in veins through a gentle, soft, slow kiss. God, Seonghwa was so beautiful - breathtaking - right now. With shining eyes, kissed lips, in his arms, so-so bright that Hongjoong sometimes felt the real need to squint.
Quiet tranquility and care were glowing under his skin.
Hongjoong wasn't a believer, but at times savoring and preserving this Seonghwa in the memory alleys he prayed for bad days to never come.
For Seonghwa - that he would always be so glaringly happy.
Their relationship started strangely. Not immediately - Hongjoong admitted to himself and sometimes, being drunk, to Seonghwa that he had been a jerk - but they got together. First, as friends. The elder was always there, softening internal tickling nervousness. He never demanded extra attention, sometimes he just became obviously happier when the captain talked to him.
At that time Hongjoong could only look at it with a painfully swollen heart and breath taken away from lungs. Because Seonghwa was unacceptably beautiful. Not only his appearance, though he was ready to sign any papers saying that Seonghwa was handsome. He was just… luminous, soft, always with an understanding smile. In the beginning Hongjoong simply didn't believe and waited for some trick, but then - when he finally understood that he was wrong - he was afraid to reach first.
Yeosang was thought to be the most attentive in the group and the captain wouldn't deny younger's perceptiveness, but he saw how Seonghwa looked at insignificant details, analyzing one's behavior. He just never verbalized it in his parent manner asking others to rest before they fall. He started a conversation about something passing, but somehow always led to things he wanted to hear or talk about. Even Jongho - stubborn and often closed - couldn't resist.
It was admiring and scary at the same time. For some time, feeling the youngers' glares, who had already bet behind their backs, they played 'I know that you know that I know'. And still didn't talk. He continued to avoid the elder in life and funnily waved him away in front of the camera. He saw blinks of the pain in black eyes and then hid himself in the studio blaming himself for stupidity.
All of that eventually led to the day when - the stars in Seonghwa's eyes had been quietly fading - he just came to their room, sat in front of surprised Seonghwa. And stayed silent.
"Hongjoong? Did something happen?" Seonghwa asked with confusion and raised eyebrows, when he noticed how the face of the captain became white. "Is everything Okay?"
Hongjoong shaked his head, trying to find words in the storm of thoughts. Enough of running. Enough. He wanted to hold Seonghwa so badly, that there was a tickle under his skin, fingers were twitching.
"I…" His voice broke to rasp, forcing to clear his throat. "I like you, Seonghwa." Hongjoong expected a lot of things, but not a surprised, confused face as if someone slapped Seonghwa. "I truly tried not to think about this, tried to deny this obvious fact, running away from you. I should have finally sorted this out and told you instead of hurting you with my behavior."
Hongjoong didn't really understand what was happening, but Seonghwa's expression was becoming darker with each passing second.
"You owe me nothing, Hongjoong." Seonghwa quietly said, looking at his own hands. "And, ahm, I… I'm glad that you like me." He added with a whisper. Silence - awkward, sticky - drowned them.
"Do you like me?" Hongjoong tilted his head in an attempt to catch Seonghwa's eyes. "You know, usually people respond to the confessions like this, or reject."
He tried to make it sound funny and light - pretending and artificial - but even these tiny bits disappeared, when Seonghwa raised his almost broken eyes. Strange longing and guilt were splashing in them.
"I like you too." Barely audible. He bit his lip.
"Why are you so sad?" Hongjoong found himself at a complete loss of understanding.
Seonghwa flinched and exhaled. He thought for some seconds and then forced a smile shaking his head.
"It doesn't matter, everything is alright." He swallowed, watching the captain with hesitation. "Can I hug you?"
Hongjoong felt a strange lump in his throat, because something was off. In the shining eyes that recently were somehow tired the glass continued cracking. Seonghwa looked like a kitten taken from the street. With the hunted hope deep in the eyes. Hongjoong pursed lips in a thin line, realizing that partially he was to blame, and then nodded with determination, leaned closer first pulling Seonghwa in his arms and holding tightly, exactly like he had been dreaming for months.
On bad - not very bad, but enough - days Seonghwa didn't eat much. With dim, faded eyes he was poking his salad with a fork at lunch, considering that he hadn't eaten anything in the morning. These days might last for week, two, even three. He could visibly lose weight, his cheekbones became sharper, collarbones shone. He could look exhausted.
"Seonghwa-hyung!" Wooyoung jumped to the elder earning a soft, tired smile with his mischief. "San forgot about me. Again."
Seonghwa laughed quietly at the younger's played hurt. San was just going through the choreo with Yunho. Others were sitting in the different corners resting and having lunch.
"Why won't you join them, Wooyoung-ah?" Hongjoong was silently watching them from aside, how Wooyoung lay next to Seonghwa and - expectedly - the elder messed his hair with his hand. There was so much gentle care in his voice, tired - he was trying so hard to hold on for them - that the heart stung.
When the existence of such periods in Seonghwa's life was discovered by all of them - they had become family after all - they tried to ease this burden that was put on the eldest by life and his own soul. They said that everything would be alright - not directly and not with these exact words - but with actions. One day in deep thoughts Jongho told him in the studio that his eldest hyung became especially vulnerable, almost fragile on such days. They were always grateful, always loved him, always took care in response, but on these days even more. In different ways: San hugged him more (and it seemed impossible), Wooyoung distracted from heavy, dark thoughts, Yeosang and Jongho helped with some housework, Yunho and Mingi flattered Seonghwa with sudden compliments. Because he needed them.
Hongjoong tried to be there, overcoming himself and confessing over and over again that he loved Seonghwa. It was difficult. Not because it was a lie - never and not in this reality or universe. But because it was the elder's role to talk about feelings.
Loud, cheerful laughter distracted him from his thoughts. He watched how joyful Wooyoung was chirping something to Seonghwa, who started to get up to join the practice.
"Hyung, if I remember correctly it was you who made Hongjoong-hyung eat vegetables in the morning?" Wooyoung had a sly smile on his lips and Seonghwa just rolled his eyes and put the remaining salad in mouth, raising an eyebrow and looking at the other with 'and what will you say now, Jung Wooyoung?' in the eyes.
The younger one just laughed, pulling his favorite hyung in the center of the room, already calling San at the next moment. But Hongjoong noticed slight relief in his eyes when Seonghwa finished lunch.
And he absolutely didn't mind the fact that Seonghwa is the favorite hyung. After all, even he - the captain - couldn't resist him.
Why Seonghwa was so indecisive in everything connected to their relationships - though they had confessed, Hongjoong hugged him and they were lying together but nothing more - was found after nearly a month. A month, when Seonghwa had been getting more and more tired, exhausted and so strangely sad. As if he was not there.
Hongjoong had warned others that he would spend a night and a part of the next day in the studio, so he didn't expect any calls. Eleven in the morning, others should have already eaten by the time and do their own stuff - they didn't have anything until six.
"Yeah, Yeosang-ah?"
"Hyung." Yeosang's voice was odd, shaking a little, while someone was saying something in the background. Silence fell. Strained.
"What happened?" Hongjoong gathered himself, ready to run to the dorm.
"I don't know." Now he was definitely coming back. Yeosang never was at a loss of words.
"Something is wrong with Seonghwa-hyung." After some muffled noises there was Yunho's worried voice. Hongjoong felt his breath taken away. He already closed his bag, throwing it over his shoulder and quickly nodded.
"I'll be soon." And hung up.
He reached the dorm faster than ever. Everyone except Seonghwa was sitting in the common room frowning. Thoughts were flying and messing with his head.
"What happened to Seonghwa?"
Wooyoung stood up nervously, started to pass through the room and explained.
"We got up early in the morning, maybe it was eight. You know, usually hyung is already cooking something for breakfast by that time, though he loves to sleep, doesn't he?" Wooyoung chuckled edgily. Hongjoong didn't understand anything. "But today he wasn't there. We thought he decided to sleep more and didn't bother him, but he never left the room. And when we knocked there was no answer.
"I took a look in case hyung fell ill," San started from the couch, "But he didn't. I saw that he didn't sleep. He is just lying."
Hongjoong felt how the giant rock was falling from his posture and anger, curling from the very inside. Why did they scare him so much?"
"Do you want me to lose my mind with such calls?"
"Hyung," Mingi was quiet and serious. "You don't get it. He is just lying . Hyung doesn't read, doesn't listen to music, doesn't sleep, doesn't talk, he barely moves." Mingi uncomfortably shivered, hugging himself. "He gives almost no reaction to the questions, just looks at us and answers 'don't know'."
"His eyes are so empty," Yeosang sighed.
And now his heart stopped. He nervously nodded, going to their room.
That was how they learnt that there were not just bad days, but very bad days.
At those days - like today - Seonghwa lay in bed with intertwined fingers on his belly, trying to explore something hidden from others. He was somewhere deep, where even the sunlight had no access to.
Later they found out that on very bad days Seonghwa barely could get up, because he simply had no energy. He didn't have an appetite, hardly slept. Occasionally he woke up at dawn, sat in front of the window in the common room, observing the sunrise in the fog of thoughts and scaring groupmates. He almost didn't speak.
But then Hongjoong could only swallow, closing the door and sitting on the bed next to Seonghwa.
"I loved you." Suddenly an even, lifeless voice squeezed the captain's soul.
"Loved?" Hongjoong quietly asked, looking at the pale face.
"Yes, loved." Empty black eyes were looking right inside his soul. "And I will love you. I just can't understand if I feel anything right now ."
Hongjoong nodded, shivers were going through his nerves and veins as if he was walking on a tightrope in a circus under a dome and without a safety net. Without training.
"I love you, Seonghwa." He softly rubbed the backside of the elder's hand, who didn't react.
"That's good," he exhaled looking away at something above. Somewhere with otherworldly thoughts, far and unknown. "That's why I didn't want anything."
Hongjoong hummed lightly, still patting his hand. Seonghwa fell silent and Hongjoong didn't know if there would be a further explanation.
"Can I lie down next to you?"
Seonghwa just shrugged, proceeding his observations behind their reality. Captain was close, didn't press himself into Seonghwa too much, but took fingers in his own hands. They were lying silently for some long minutes and then Seonghwa spoke again.
"At times I feel as if the world is disgusted by me." Hongjoong's breath stopped for a second. "As if everything that I've done is for nothing. And everyone talks to me out of pity. " Hongjoong squeezed his hand tightly, still not getting anything in response. "That I am useless and unwanted and everything will be better without me." Seonghwa sighed deeply, but continued with the same unwavering voice. "And sometimes, like now, I feel nothing. Just emptiness, pain and feeling that I don't belong anywhere."
They were quiet for some more moments while Hongjoong tried his best to blink away incoming tears, because this was not what he had expected from this day, when he woke up with the intention to finish up some records. Not the fact that his beloved was living through this all alone hiding from others.
"I'm broken, Hongjoong." Cold hand finally squeezed his fingers in response. "I saw that you knew." Seonghwa turned his head and now the tips of their noses were touching each other. "You knew that I loved you. But you did nothing and, actually, I thought it's for good. That's why I was scared, when you confessed." Seonghwa swallowed, searching for something in Hongjoong's face. "Why did you confess?" He whispered.
"Because I love you," Such an obvious stupid answer. "You are too bright and wonderful, you know?" Hongjoong smiled softly, while everything inside was torn apart and soaked in blood from the sharp longning instead of stars in the black eyes. "I was an idiot, who ignored your feelings and tried to run away from mine." He gently bumped his forehead against Seonghwa's. "You are not broken, Seonghwa. You are incredible and the very least that I can do is to remind you of that at the right moment."
Quiet "Okay" was drowned in cuddles, warm, needed and secure.
On bad days Seonghwa occasionally cried. Dragged into the kitchen - to the family and care - he pulled up his knees, dropping his head on them, scratched a mug with his nail, observing steam from hot drink, and in the next second there were tears on his cheeks. Sometimes they didn't even notice, when exactly he started crying.
Then someone - often Hongjoong or San - grabbed him - fragile, vulnerable, barely responsive - on their lap, silently wiping his tears so that the skin wouldn't sting later.
Seonghwa told them - after he got relatively back to himself - that this was not something new. Unfortunately, it wouldn't go away. But there was some help - necessary medicine especially during hard periods and conversations with the specialist. Apparently, some of Seonghwa's long walks had been calls to his therapist. The whole room to himself also helped.
Seonghwa lowered his head with guilt, apologizing for his defect. They were so mad and angry. Not at him, of course not. Just at life. Because this person had to go through all these thorns of his mind just to enjoy his life fully and believe that he is worthy of everything he has and even more.
The cruel thought said by Jongho.
"These are always the brightest and the warmest. Always the best."
Sometimes there were periods when conversations and reassurances that he is loved, not awful and not hopeless were enough. Sometimes to get rid of coming apathy he needed hugs on the couch in the studio and gentle kisses.
There were bad days, when the only one who could get a reaction from Seonghwa was Hongjoong. He had admitted that he loved listening to the process of creating music. And Hongjoong just told him everything - with details, maybe mechanically, maybe with emotions - he desperately needed to hear Seonghwa's voice in response.
And at times there were terrifying days, when Seonghwa didn't respond to anything. He didn't have strength to get up, eat or take a shower, he didn't care about anything. On those days Hongjoong was afraid even to let Seonghwa out of his sight. Irrationally, because the elder didn't move , but fear remained.
They were not so frequent - far more often, forty or fifty times more - Seonghwa reminded him of a giant fluffy cloud. Or some Greek god, nymph, siren and other beings who seduced pirate captains.
Hongjoong admired each emotion in starry galaxies, which looked at him with such tenderness and fondness that he doubted his own existence. He kissed sharp collarbones, neck, cheeks, lips, wrists, caramel thighs, tightly wrapping hands around slim waist. Blush on Seonghwa's cheeks never stopped being adorable.
He loved pushing Seonghwa to the very edge, savoring his moans with little pleas, kissing away his own name and confessions from his lips.
After the shower they liked to lie together, drawing some patterns on each other's skin. In the room - their own little universe measured by a couple of square meters.
"I love you, Hongjoong." Seonghwa repeated with sparkles in dark eyes over and over again during such calm, soft nights.
And Hongjoong was too weak not to respond, pulling him closer, listening to a light, deep laugh.
"Seonghwa?" They were in Hongjoong's studio. He tried to find a suitable melody, but one torturing thought refused to abandon his mind. Poisonous, but once he thought about it he couldn't stop.
"Mm?"
Seonghwa was lying on the couch scrolling his phone. Hongjoong noticed something like a Lego logo.
"It's about bad days…" Hongjoong swallowed, not having enough courage to ask. Seonghwa hummed again, still looking at the screen. They had had some conversations, even if in the beginning Seonghwa was very awkward while sharing the details of the maze of his mind. But eventually he stopped being embarrassed. Hongjoong knew that all this confidence and the ability to smile and cheer is the result of constant fight with himself. And when they all - apart, under the blanket in the night, worrying - had learnt what this was and how, admiration and fear squeezed their hearts.
"Have you never thought about…" Captain hesitated, not knowing how to phrase correctly.
"About death?" Seonghwa helped him, turning off the phone and sitting up. "No. Well, I have many thoughts. A lot." He clumsy waved a hand, when he noticed how Hongjoong's face paled. "But not suicidal. Just about death. You know, how if there is a beginning, there is also an end." He pulled his legs to himself, hugging knees. "Suicidal thoughts frequently occur with my condition, but not always. I thought about this one day, but despite the heavy feeling that I'm not here, that I'm a stranger, I never wanted this."
Hongjoong missed some heartbeats while listening to Seonhgwa. He said everything so easily and the captain felt his guts grabbed by mythical claws. There was one good part though: Seonghwa didn't want to die.
"And how often do you think about the universe?"
"Constantly. These thoughts - what is happiness, what is life, what is existence and the meaning, what is the goal of this timepiece, how did life appear and for what, when and how will it dissipate in billions of years - are always at the back of my mind."
Seonghwa's gaze was consumed by a fog of musings, but he was still here. Too many existential questions suddenly fell on Hongjoong's brains.
"Now I also will think about this and not about the song." He playfully sighed, leaning back in the chair.
Seonghwa seemed to return chuckling. Ha stood up, got around, hugging Hongjoong from behind and turning him to the equipment.
"Come on, you still have some hours to finish your next masterpiece." Seonghwa leaned down to him, burning his ear with a hot exhale and touch of his lips. Sometimes Hongjoong was so amused by the changes in his behavior, but loved them to no end. Seonghwa kissed him on the neck, whispering. "And you better go home with me." Captain felt his smirk with his skin. "Of course, if you want to hear others complaining about how they couldn't sleep because of your name again."
Hongjoong sharply inhaled, almost stuttering. He looked aside meeting an innocent smile. God, Hongjoong fell so deeply.
"I thought," his voice became raspy, "that you were embarrassed by this kind of attention. It was you who grumbled about how we corrupted children."
Seonghwa laughed, kissing his cheek and then going back to the couch.
"They are younger by one year, and who exactly corrupts who." Seonghwa took a couple of octaves higher without malice, portraying a well-known little demon. "Aaah, San, yes, yeah, go on!"
"God, where is my innocent blushing from kisses angel," Hongjoong shook his head and with the music of iridescent laughter tried to remember where he had finished.
Seonghwa could motivate very well.
On terrifying days Seonghwa didn't get up from bed, barely reacted to others' words and slowly, thoughtfully spoke. He looked at something not there, above, in his eyes - a net of longing, eternal doubts and howling void. Sometimes there was bitter guilt, sometimes - absolute, vivid nothing. At times he frowned a little, as if not understanding questions or answering it after long moments, much later than usual.
"I'm exhausted." Seonghwa said it with a quiet, even voice. Slowly. "And I don't know how to rest. I haven't slept for two days." Sentences were small, without complicated phrases and words, without anything. With pauses. "Can't fall asleep."
Next to him Hongjoong sighed heavily, pursing lips and squeezing Seonghwa's pale hand. During these days - the rarest, the quietest - elder's schedule was canceled. Hongjoong didn't allow himself to let go of Seonghwa even for a second.
"Have you eaten since yesterday?"
Seonghwa frowned and only after a minute responded weakly.
"Don't remember. Don't know." He stopped talking for some more minutes. His voice is frighteningly hollow. "Doesn't matter."
During bad days when all the energy for smiles and even for self-care left his body, Seonghwa read books on the bed under the lamp. Camus, Heidegger and Marcel. Occasionally Nietzsche. He forgot about everything, concentrating on the book in his hands, glaring at it and squeezing so hard, Hongjoong thought the book might turn into stone or crumble into ashes.
Then he lifted his eyes - with the despair so deep, that one could choke.
"Why didn't philosophers, who had spent their entire lives searching, find the meaning of it?"
Hongjoong shivered each time he heard these questions, which tore his soul into pieces, from beloved lips. He never knew answers and that hurt even more.
Once Hongjoong - unintentionally - overheard how Wooyoung talked with Seonghwa. Younger brushed the elder's hair with his fingers, who put his head on Wooyoung's lap. They were talking quietly and Hongjoong had already decided to go away, but the question from Wooyoung made him stop.
"What do you think about when you can't get up from bed?"
The question was blunt - in Wooyoung's manner - and Hongjoong wanted to interrupt and scold him for being so shameless. Seonghwa hadn't felt very well, but tried his best to cover incoming scratches of his soul with reassuring smiles. But his thoughtful voice stopped Hongjoong.
"Are you so interested?"
"Mhm." Wooyoung - no way - awkwardly shifted, but continued. "It just… looks like your thoughts and you are far far away. So far, you can't hear us."
Seonghwa was silent for some time, but then twitched a little, still lying on younger's lap.
"It's close to what you've described, Wooyuong-ah. But I don't even think much. As if I'm in the cloud with a slow flow of time. To think with words or images is so hard, as if I try to grab something through the net of sharp metal threads. I hear you, every question." Seonghwa paused, swallowed and licked dried lips. "But your voices seem to be behind the thick glass. Though my mind is empty, so empty that it's frightening, I can't reach them. It's so hard to remember something, anything, to collect words, that I just keep silent. It's as if I'm drained of all energy: I can't lift my hand, I can't get up, I can't say anything clearly, I can't eat, I can't even think." Seonghwa lowered his voice to the shivering whisper. "I don't even have the strength to want all of this."
Wooyoung pursed his lips, leaning down and hugging his hyung, protecting from the whole cruel world. Hongjoong was afraid that his heartbeat was too loud and could be heard in the room. He softly, weakly pushed himself from the wall and went away, catching last words.
"But I always hear you. Always."
With all their schedules and sometimes anxious way of living the periods of bad days were as rare as they could be.
But despite the amount of days like today - boiling happiness, funny antics, loud laughter and, of course, sorting out clothes by color - they would always be marvelous dreams.
Hongjoong realized he was so deeply in Seonghwa that even his antics he found adorable . God, what was happening to him. The fact that he thought with words like this already said enough.
San, Wooyoung and Seonghwa were chirping and conspiring something on the couch in the common area. Somehow, being the eldest and responsible, with those two Seonghwa became another child. Hongjoong, who had come from the studio, leaned to the doorframe dropping down his bag.
The three were playing some game, laughing and overreacting. San and Wooyoung could pretend however they wanted that they didn't need hyung in their company on camera, but everyone could see how their eyes became brighter whenever Seonghwa joined them or supported a crazy idea. Especially when it wasn't approved by Hongjoong . Oh, their faces were full of inspiration and ecstasy if they succeeded in recruiting their eldest hyung.
"Hi, hyung!" San exclaimed, making other two distract from something very interesting in their hands. Wooyoung suddenly started giggling looking at two hyungs. Seonghwa swallowed. Captain didn't like this.
They definitely planned something and dragged Hwa into this.
"Hi." He came closer to them, looking around the common area. Cushions were lying on the floor, but neatly. "What are you doing?" He raised an eyebrow, when Woosan met each other's eyes and tried - unsuccessfully - to hold back a short laugh.
"We cleaned a little, then played playstation." Seonghwa was frowning more and more, but the glitter of joy never left his eyes.
"Hwa-hyung lost!" Wooyoung boasted.
"Because you and Sannie cooperated in the individual game against me. It was unfair." Seonghwa pouted lips and slightly pushed Wooyoung's shoulder, who couldn't stop giggling, squeezing something in hands.
"No excuses, you failed. That means you have to do punishment." San slyly blinked, pursing lips.
"And what is your punishment, Hwa?" Hongjoong asked with a strange feeling. Something like anticipation, but more odd. Seonghwa blushed firstly with the edge of his cheekbones, but then stood up with determination and smiled widely.
"Nothing." He winked, coming closer fast and pulling him for a kiss. Hongjoong was confused for some seconds, then responded with the same drive, forgetting about yelping Woosan. Soft lips brushed against his, a little bit sweet, the most tasteful, and he… fuck, was that mint ?
He quickly moved away from Seonghwa, collecting the taste from his lips with tongue. His whole mouth was tingling with cold. Seonghwa just smirked, blowing a little on the Hongjoong's open lips, who still hadn't fully realized the betrayal. And then ran to their room. Wooyoung - poor Wooyoung who would have a personal lecture tomorrow - was crying.
"You should have seen your face, hyung!" San squicked sliding off the couch while laughing.
Gums and tongue were tingling unpleasantly, lips were cold from the air. He hated mint exactly for this. Even his toothpaste was soft. These two little demons, who dragged Seonghwa into these, would pay for it.
"So it was you who corrupted him!" Hongjoong exclaimed loudly. Of course he didn't get mad seriously, the whole situation was definitely funny.
"And whose words are these? 'Joooong-ah'." Wooyoung sang, receiving a cushion at his face.
"Actually, it was Seonghwa-hyung's idea." San added, successfully dodging the cushion attack from Hongjoong.
Captain raised eyebrows, surprised. So it was Seonghwa who suggested it? Knowing well his relationships with mint? And at that very moment the mint chewing gum fell on the floor from Wooyoung's hand. Very very mint.
"I will handle you later." Hongjoong said, understanding that he would never find a way to handle these two. And despite everything, he loved them.
Captain took the gum from the floor, putting some pieces into mouth under youngers' glares.
"He wants mint, he will get it."
Not paying attention to the blushing cheeks of San and Wooyoung - amazing thing indeed - he firmly went to the room, closing the door behind. Seonghwa, who had been expecting a different reaction, squicked under the pressure of Hongjoong's lips and arms, which were undressing him. Full lips obediently opened, responding with the equal desire, and amused cry from familiar mint tingling was drowned by first soft moans.
And after Seonghwa - exhausted, with cold burns from Hongjoong's lips and tongue on the whole body - was trying to catch his breath with tears in the corners of his eyes and broken voice.
"And you say you love nothing with mint flavor." Whispered Seonghwa. His chest was rising quickly decorated with red marks.
"Nothing," Hongjoong slyly smiled, catching his breath as well and pulling Seonghwa closer. "But someone…"
Seonghwa shyly - the best time, laughed Hongjoong - shoved his face in Hongjoong's neck, mumbling something.
And there Hongjoong realized that he was absolutely lost.
Because Seonghwa was so-so adorable .
When they got new dorms - a little bit sad, but now they had individual rooms and the acknowledgement of their success - all eight of them often gathered together. It wasn't unusual to meet someone 'not from here' in any of the new apartments. Hongjoong preferred to visit Seonghwa, not vice versa: the elder's room was comfy, clean and the whole reminder of Seonghwa.
"You are just afraid that I'll see your mess." Stonghwa smirked, when the captain once again fell on his bed.
"I don't have a mess." Hongjoong mumbled, ignoring the 'yeah, you say it to me' part. "San and Yunho came to Wooyoung. It's quiet here."
Seonghwa chuckled, shaking his head, and continued to look at something on the laptop. The screen light slided on his gorgeous face making Hongjoong's heart stop for a second. Again. Like every day, every hour, every moment when he looked at Seonghwa.
"I love you."
Seonghwa flinched, watching Hongjoong with surprise. Captain just moved his head and smiled gently. God, and when had he become so sentimental?
"I love you too, Joong-ah" Wide-wide smile, in the eyes - bright stars and galaxies.
He didn't know how many bad and terrifying days would be in the future, but he would do everything and anything to lessen them. For these stars to always shine, leading Hongjoong.
Because he would always remind Seonghwa of how incredible he was.