Chapter Text
Arthur sat at his desk, the flickering candlelight casting long shadows across the parchment strewn before him. Reports, letters, and messages from all corners of Camelot lay in disarray, their contents a blur to his weary mind. He tried to focus, but the words danced on the pages, their meaning eluding him. His thoughts were a tangled mess, a maelstrom of recent events that refused to settle.
Elyan's possession by the tormented spirit of the druid boy was haunting him. The oath he had made to the spirit and the teachings of his father, were developing conflicting emotions within him. It all weighed heavily on his conscience and he didn’t know what was right and what was wrong anymore. But it was Gwen's betrayal that cut the deepest. The image of her, standing with Lancelot, seared into his memory, gnawed at his heart like a relentless beast.
The sound of clanking of armour drew his attention to his maidservant. He had forgotten that she was there. They had arrived back to the castle a candle mark ago and she had trailed behind him to his chambers. Merlin had offered him a goblet of wine and poured one for herself as well. He shot her a disapproving look, but she merely flashed a playful grin and continued sipping from her cup while tending to her tasks. Arthur shook his head at her blatant disregard for the decorum expected of a servant, a behavior he had long since grown accustomed to, and settled down at his desk.
Since then, they had lapsed into a rare companionable silence, a rarity when Merlin was around. She kept refilling their goblets in between her chores and they both were well into their cups. The tasks she had taken on were fruitless and could easily wait until the next day. Arthur knew what Merlin was trying to achieve. She was trying to coax him into discussing everything that had transpired with Gwen, but he had been skillfully deflecting her attempts to get him to express his feelings. Now, it seemed she had resorted to getting him drunk enough to loosen his tongue.
But her plan was flawed. He was Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, and a few goblets of wine was not going to be enough for him to pour his heart out to her. ‘Ha! She was going to lose this game’ he chuckled to himself.
Though he could easily command her to leave him alone, he found her presence somewhat comforting to his lonely heart. For the moment, he appreciated the silence, however brief it might be, before eventually sending her on her way. He watched as Merlin filled her cup again and returned to the mindless task of polishing his chainmail, a chore he had only assigned her the day before. He sighed and redirected his focus to the reports he was pretending to read.
His thoughts drifted back to Guinevere. Some days, he regretted his decision of sending her away, while on others, he was consumed with rage from her betrayal. Moreover, seeing the man who had come between them every day made it increasingly difficult to move on.
After Gwen’s banishment, Merlin had revealed to Arthur the truth about the bracelet and how Lancelot was merely a shade conjured by Morgana to ruin Arthur and Gwen's bond. It hadn’t changed the fact that Gwen had still betrayed him, because shade or not, bracelet or not, Gwen still had feelings for Lancelot. It had been reflected in the way she had protected Lancelot from him.
And even though in that instant he found the idea of Lancelot being dead more appealing, he knew he would regret it later. So he had asked Gaius and Merlin to do whatever was necessary in order to save him. Gaius had succeeded in finding the right herb which curbed Morgana’s magic, allowing the true Lancelot to return to life. Arthur didn’t bother questioning how an herb could achieve such a feat even though it had left him puzzled at the time.
After Lancelot had woken up, he had informed them, well he had shared with Merlin – Arthur had not been in the mood to listen – that he remembered Morgana's resurrection but nothing beyond the spell she cast. He had sworn that he would never betray Arthur like that, even if he still harbored feelings for Gwen.
And hadn’t that been a stab to the heart to listen to one of his knight, whom he had thought was the most loyal to him, to confess having feelings to Camelot’s would-have-been Queen. Arthur had offered Lancelot to relieve him from his services, if he wished to go after Gwen, after he had calmed down a few days later. But Lancelot had refused his offer saying his oath to his king came first. Since then Arthur had been cordial to him but kept himself at a distance from the knight.
"What are you thinking, Arthur?" Well, there went his peace. It was too good to last forever. Arthur looked up from the parchment, his eyes meeting Merlin's inquisitive gaze. His gaze felt a bit blurred, the wine had dulled his senses, making everything feel slightly hazy.
"I'm thinking about how you should be polishing that chainmail again tomorrow," he replied with a half-hearted smirk, trying to deflect her question. But Merlin was not so easily deterred. She set down the goblet and crossed the room, her footsteps a bit clumsy, more so than her usual self. So he was not the only one who was feeling the effects of wine.
“So tell me you are not thinking about Gwen.” She leaned against his desk, locking eyes with him. He scoffed internally, like it was this simple to get answers out of him. He had been training since birth to remain aloof, to mask his feelings from the world. A little wine wouldn't break through the defenses he had built.
“I’m thinking that Lancelot is an idiot.” Okay, that was not what he wanted to say. He was taken aback by his own words, and judging by Merlin's expression, she did not expect him to answer so easily as well.
“And what exactly has Lancelot done to deserve to be called an idiot, Sire?” she inquired, her eyebrows raised which would truly rival Gaius’s in few years. He found himself momentarily distracted by them. Her amused prompt of “Arthur” had him blinking his eyes and refocusing. The wine was clearly clouding his judgment.
“I offered him an out, to go live his life happily with her and yet he refused?” Not at all what he meant to say, but it seemed his mouth had a mind of its own. Damn this woman, the wine was totally doing its part. He cursed himself, for being foolish enough for falling into Merlin’s trap. And now that the dam had burst, it seemed he couldn’t stop himself from revealing his turmoil.
“So, what you are saying is that, Lancelot is an idiot, because he chose his duty towards Camelot, towards You over Gwen?? How is that fair Arthur?? Lancelot had always been loyal to you first, it is not his fault that fate dealt him with tough cards.”
“He had a chance to build a life, to be with someone who chose to be with him.” Over me, over a king was left unsaid, but he knew Merlin had perfectly heard it. He looked away from her eyes, he could not bear the pity they reflected.
“How can you be so sure that Gwen would have chosen Lance?? There was magic and Morgana involved, Arthur. ”
“That bracelet just brought out her long buried feelings for him, Merlin. Gaius explained it all. You were there. The bracelet just accelerated what was already brewing.” His voice rose, his frustration spilling. He knew, it was not Merlin’s fault but he could not help but lash out on her, because he knew she was the only one who would not bat an eye at his irrational anger.
A brief silence followed as he watched Merlin gather her thoughts. Eventually, she spoke again, "Perhaps you should have asked Gwen directly, instead of relying on what other people are saying?? She might still feel the same about you Arthur.”
Arthur clenched his jaw, his fingers drumming on the armrest. She might have been right, yet, the events of recent weeks had shaken him to his core, leaving him adrift in a sea of doubt. In this moment, he found it difficult to believe her words. He had always prided himself on his strength, his ability to carry the weight of the realm on his shoulders. But at this moment he did not wish to make himself any more vulnerable than he already was. And he says as much to Merlin.
"Every time I think of Gwen, the pain is unbearable. Gwen's betrayal... I loved her, Merlin. I trusted her. And she... she chose Lancelot. I don't know if I can forgive her, Merlin. May be someday, but…I can’t let myself be in a position where….I can’t handle another rejection, Merlin.”
Arthur noticed Merlin let out a resigned sigh, nodding twice before she moved to refill their glasses. This time, he was more than ready for the wine; the conversation ahead certainly warranted it. She settled into the chair across from him, saying, “Alright, I…I get it, Arthur. I may not agree with your approach, but I promise not to bring it up again.”
They sat in silence once more, both of them lost in their own thoughts when Merlin spoke up, “Do you remember the initial years when Uther made me your maidservant? You were so determined, so full of purpose. You knew exactly what you wanted to achieve, and nothing could sway you from your path."
He wanted to mock her for getting so melancholy, but he had already realized that his tongue had a mind of its own today and hence without his permission, his lips twitched into a faint smile. "And you were a thorn in my side from the very beginning," he retorted, his voice tinged with affection. "Always questioning, always pushing me to see things differently."
"And look where it's gotten us," Merlin said, a glimmer of pride in her eyes. "We've faced countless trials and emerged stronger each time. This is just another challenge, Arthur. One that we can overcome together."
He looked at her, seeing not just a maidservant, but a loyal friend who had stood by him through thick and thin. He nodded and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"Thank you, Merlin," he said, his voice steadier now. "For everything."
“Wow, that wine must be working wonders. You’re actually being polite,” Merlin teased, a playful grin lighting up her face, prompting Arthur to respond in kind. And just like that they were back to their usual self. They exchanged playful jabs and banter, and soon enough they were laughing and giggling like little children.
Arthur reached for the wine bottle, only to find it empty. "Damn it." "No more wine for you, sire." Merlin giggled, a soft, musical sound.
After finishing her drink, she stood up from her chair and reached out to him. “Come on, Sire, let’s get you into your nightclothes and then to bed.” It would have been a straightforward task only if Merlin had been any less inebriated than he was. As it was, she stumbled more than once while trying to lift him from his seat. “That was incredibly moving what you said at the shrine.”
“As long as Elyan’s going to be alright, it served its purpose.” She had finally managed to get him moving towards the bed.
“Wasn’t just about Elyan though was it?” She inquired as she settled him on the edge of his bed and started to remove his tunic.
“Does this have a point Merlin?” His voice was muffled by the fabric covering his mouth.
“Don’t think I have seen you cry before. Not like that.” She headed, more like stumbled towards his wardrobe to get his sleep tunic. “Tears running down your cheeks. It was nice to see this new sensitive, emotional side. It suits you.”
“Shut up, Merlin.” He knew, crying in front of her was a bad idea. Now she had an ultimate leverage over him.
“Ah! And I thought you had changed.”
“And you are stupid as you are ugly.” He knew his comeback was a bit childish, but that was best he could come up at the moment.
“So, there is no chance that we could have a hug.” She was standing in front of him with her arms spread in a mocking invitation for a hug.
“Oh! I will give you a hug.” He snacked his arm around her waist and lifted her up in the air. She squealed and squirmed to get free from his hold. Arthur was not stable enough on his feet and they tumbled back on his bed. He continued his assault by pinning her down and tickling her. She was helpless and bursting with laughter, having no way to overpower him.
“Do you yield?” he asked. “Yes….Yes, I yield.” she gasped between giggles, struggling for breath.
Smirking, Arthur let her go and laid down on the bed, facing her. She was still recovering from his attack, trying to regain her composure. They laid in silence for a while, both watching the other. Arthur's gaze softened as he gazed at her. "You always know how to make me feel better, Merlin. Even when everything is falling apart."
Merlin's smile faded, replaced by a look of earnest concern. "Because I care about you, Arthur. More than you'll ever know."
Propping himself up on one elbow, Arthur swayed slightly as he reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You're always here for me," he murmured, his fingers lingering on her cheek. "Always."
Merlin's breath hitched at the touch, her heart pounding in her chest. "Arthur..."
Before she could continue, Arthur leaned in, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. The kiss was tentative yet tender. He pulled back to gauge her reaction, in case his advance was unwelcome. Instead, she drew him back into another kiss, her hands exploring the warmth of his bare chest. Initially cautious, their kiss soon deepened, becoming more fervent and desperate. Arthur responded in kind, his hands gliding over her back, pulling her closer.
In the back of his mind, Arthur recognized the potential consequences of their actions, aware that they might be crossing a line. Yet, the alcohol and his yearning for comfort clouded his judgment. He craved the feeling of being desired, and in that moment, Merlin was the one who could fill that void.
They finally broke apart when Merlin gasped for air. Arthur shifted his lips to her jawline, trailing kisses down her neck. "Arthur…we…are drunk…maybe we…shouldn’t…Arthurr” she stammered, her words faltering as he nibbled a sensitive spot on her neck.
Warnings blared in his mind, urging him to halt, to refrain from going any further, but all rational thought vanished the instant he heard Merlin moan his name. Yet, a flicker of reason remained, prompting him to lift his gaze to meet hers. “Tell me to stop, Merlin. And I will.” Merlin hesitated for a moment before pulling him back for a fleeting kiss.
They parted, both panting heavily. Arthur's eyes were filled with longing as he studied her. "Are you certain about this?"
Merlin nodded, her voice barely a whisper. "Yes."
That single word flipped a switch within him. He removed her neckerchief and gently flipped her on her stomach, and began working on the laces of her gown, his movements a bit hindered due to alcohol in his system. Before long, he had stripped her down of her clothing, leaving her only in her small clothes. Standing up, swaying precariously, he hastily removed his pants, desperation fueling his actions. He stood before her, bare, his eyes locked onto Merlin’s exposed form. She flushed under his intense gaze and averted her eyes.
He made quick work of removing her small clothes and joined Merlin back in bed, covering her body with his, plundering her mouth relentlessly while one of his hands explored along the curve of her thighs. He broke away from her lips to focus on her breasts, while his hand moved away from her thighs inching toward her center, close enough but not yet touching. Merlin gasped, her fingers weaving through his hair in a desperate plea for more.
Without any warning, Arthur pushed one finger inside, pumping it in and out, drawing a scream from her lips. When he lifted his gaze from her breasts, he found Merlin flushed, her eyes sparkling with desire, her fingers clutching the sheets. He added another finger, stretching her, preparing her for what was to come. His mouth travelled across her body, leaving her a quivering mass of longing beneath him. Arthur's touch was both tender and demanding, as he cherished every part of her.
“Arthur…Arthur, I am ready.” Merlin begged. “Ready for what, Merlin?” he teased, pulling his fingers out of her. Merlin whined at the loss of his fingers, making her feel empty inside.
“You…..I am ready for you, Sire.” The word “Sire” did it. Arthur’s eyes turned dark and in the next moment he was pushing in slowly, giving her time to adjust to his girth. He paused, giving Merlin a moment to breathe, and at her nod, he began to move gently.
Merlin's soft moans filled the room, mingling with Arthur's whispered endearments. Merlin wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him further inside her. This lit a fire inside Arthur and soon he was pounding into her mercilessly. Merlin’s nails were scratching his back, but pleasure drove away the pain. He felt her thighs quivering around his waist and realized she was close enough. He increased the power of his thrusts and leaned close to her ear, “Cum for me, Merlin.”
And with a cry Merlin let go, her release washing over her. Arthur dominated her through it, seeking his own release, and soon enough he shuddered above her, shockwaves of pleasure pulsed through him, his own release filing Merlin with his seed. In that moment, they were lost to the world, finding solace in each other. The pain of betrayal, the weight of their responsibilities, all melted away, leaving only the two of them and the fiery connection they shared.
Arthur collapsed beside Merlin, drawing her into his arms. They lay there in silence, the only sound being of their shared breaths. The need fulfilled and body sated, the pull of sleep grew and soon enough they both were dragged into the deepest sleep they had in a while.