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Mid-august is still overly hot, somehow.
But, considering how it's frequently difficult for them to distinguish the time of the day — since they're usually trapped inside a training room —, bathing in the sunlight and feeling the slight burning sensation on his skin is still somewhat satisfactory, no matter how much the grass is awkwardly poking his ribs here and there.
He had just finished drinking a can of lemon soda, the wind was blowing just strong enough, and the rest of the members were scattered around the big lawn. One could even think of it as free time — if it wasn't for the constant chattering of the staff in the background; because, of course, it wasn't free time. Rookies shouldn't have free time if they wanted to succeed; having schedules back to back meant they were doing well, even if he was exhausted to the core.
That didn't mean he would refuse a day or two just to catch up on some lost nap time, because god knew how much he wanted to just lay down and relax without being hyper aware of the fact that his alarm would probably go off in the next two hours. That would be heavenly.
If he tried hard enough, he could steal a few minutes of sleep before they were called again to resume shooting. He just needed to close his eyes for a moment—
“Don't fall asleep now, jagi. ” A known voice called. Daeyoung opened his eyes, coming face to face with its owner.
Riku’s face blocked the sunlight, his smile competing against it, so bright the younger had a thought to close his eyes again. Instead, he smiled slightly, tapping the ground beside him.
“Let's nap together a little, hyung.” He gave the idea. Riku obliged without hesitation, likely just as tired as Daeyoung himself, carefully laying by his side, an arm under his head. “Did you finish your lunch?”
“Ryo stole most of it!” The older replied in a whiny voice. Daeyoung giggled at it, looking at him just in time to catch the image of his pouting lips.
“Stop letting him, then.” Daeyoung scolded him with no real heat. It was a known fact that Riku would do whatever Ryo wanted, supposedly incapable of denying the younger boy anything. “He’ll end up being a spoiled brat if you keep on indulging him like this.”
Riku looked at him with a pitiful expression. “Have you seen how big and sparkly his eyes are? I can't just say no when he asks me for food. I think I'll open a restaurant for him and his plushies.” Still pouting, Riku rolled to the side, looking directly at Daeyoung.
The sunlight spread across his face, the depths in his features wearing shadows in contrast. He looked angelic, soft and cozy. Daeyoung wanted to give him a big hug.
“I know.” He smiled, endeared at the genuine intention behind the playful tone of the other’s complaints. “I just want you to eat well.”
In his words, honesty took no disguise.
Daeyoung couldn't stop himself from paying attention every time the older refused to eat something or skipped a meal — not because he did it frequently, but because Daeyoung couldn't help worrying about the other in ways he didn’t even worry about himself. It came naturally for him; “ Riku hyung didn’t eat yet”, “I should get him more water”, “He seems like he didn’t get enough sleep today” and a hundred more thoughts that crossed his mind every day without him even acknowledging.
Riku smiled at him, sweet honey dripping from his expression, and Daeyoung simply couldn’t get used to it.
“You should eat well too, Daeyoungie” He sighed, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. “Let’s both eat well, okay?”
Daeyoung hummed in response, heart picking up speed for no reason.
He wondered how much time it would take for him to get used to it. It started happening long ago, when they first crossed eyes in one of the training rooms. Riku looked so angelic even then, messy and sweaty in his training clothes, a smile so bright Daeyoung almost felt blinded by it. He was gentle and sweet, and their timid approach to each other made the friendship between them somehow easier.
“I feel like I can trust you” Riku said one night, a week before the final lineup decision, as they were walking to the bus stop side by side, shoulders brushing. “It’s weird, right? We haven’t known each other for a long time, but I feel like I can trust you…”
Honesty had no disguise, once again.
“It’s not weird…” His voice sounded faint. “ I feel like that, too. As you can understand me. ” Daeyoung confessed, trying not to get behind on his step, avoiding the big, dark eyes that burned the side of his face with their attention. He kicked a pebble on the pavement, a weird tightness taking over his chest all of a sudden. “Like we’re similar, somehow” .
And wasn’t it a strange thing to say? Riku was older, stronger, strikingly brilliant, confident and talented. Daeyoung was less than a shadow of him — felt like it, at least.
There was no comparison between a star and mere galactic dust, but Riku smiled at him even then.
“Yeah… we’re similar, aren’t we?” The star said, and he looked dazzling, enchanting, lovable.
Daeyoung burned under the orange lighting of the silent street. It happened then.
It’s been happening for a long time.
The blush on his cheeks, the slipping words of affection, the older’s voice saying the most mundane things like a loop on his mind and detaining him from sleeping. Riku’s touches lingered, and his words meant more than anyone’s. With him, Daeyoung could never feel out of place, unhappy or weak.
Still, he wondered if one day it would come to a stop — this, the growing pain of his feelings, like a crescendo that would finally reach a climax before the song died with its last notes. He wondered if, one day, he would wake up and his first thought would be anything but a whiskered smile and soft hands holding his. If not, would he just keep on falling, then? Unlimited, scarily profound, and he would learn to breathe underwater instead of just drowning in it.
Both options sounded scary. Falling out of love or falling deeper into it.
“We should go for a walk someday, when we finish promotions.” Riku talked again, breaking his train of thought.
It took a while for the younger to absorb his words, but when he finally did, a chuckle escaped his lips.
“What?” The older questioned.
“Promotions are gonna take months, hyung.”
Riku made a face at him. “Doesn’t mean it’s not gonna end one day.” He shrugged. A beat passed, the wind messing their hair. “We can take a blanket and eat by the river, buy some candies, watch the people pass by, take a few pictures…”
It sounded good. It’s been some time since they last went anywhere together without cameras surrounding them. Daeyoung couldn’t help but allow himself to daydream about it for a moment; being alone and able to talk without being afraid someone would hear them, without worrying about how they would sound to a viewer, not caring about the way they acted around each other.
To be the untrained, casual and lighter version of themselves.
“We can go to that spot Sion hyung showed us when we went biking there last time and buy tteokbokki from that one stall.”
“The one with the singing lady?” They both laughed at the mere mention of it, memories of simpler times crawling back into their minds. The times before the heavy schedules and daily makeup and fittings and shoots. Just the six of them, walking by the Han River, looking like a young group of friends, indistinguishable from all the other teenagers around.
Daeyoung turned to his side, looking directly at the reflections playing in the other boy’s eyes. They were huddled together, grass, expensive clothing and radiant sun. Riku had traces of a laugh lingering in his features, and Daeyoung wanted him to be that happy all the time.
“We should do that.” A little closer, Daeyoung whispered, “Let’s go together and not tell anyone.”
Riku beamed at him, a hand coming up to take a strand of hair out of Daeyoung’s eyes.
“Just us?” He said it like he hoped; like he wanted to be alone with him, too.
“Just you and me, hyung.” Daeyoung could hear the want in his own voice, the eagerness, the unleashed and pure joy that permeated each word, and it sounded unbearably sweet. He should at least try to hide it, make an effort to get his guard up once again, find a place to put all those feelings away, somewhere they couldn’t be found so easily.
But how could he? For a moment, all he wanted was there, and Daeyoung couldn’t stop himself from allowing his desire to be carefree to take over. Sunburned and beautiful, Riku didn’t look like he was troubled about it, either.
“Like a date, then.” Riku’s words came, wavering and unsure, but backed up by something so raw it made Daeyoung’s insides turn with a newfound feeling.
Time stopped and Daeyoung wished he could fake it just a little more. “Give me more time, I’m not brave enough” . He wished to be less obvious, less vulnerable.
But then again, it was day, sunlight, and Riku was looking directly at him, reading his mind and soul. On any other occasion, he would’ve fled, diverted the other's attention to some other topic, would’ve found the other members, joined their conversation, or said something about the song playing on the speakers. In the training room, at the dorms, at the bus stop, he had places to hide and pretend. At night, he could retreat, put the blame for the blush on his cheeks on the dance routine, say his faltering voice was caused by anxiety before a stage.
He could lie because, anywhere else, he wasn’t seen, and his truth could be swallowed, forgotten.
But, then again , it was day, sunlight.
Riku looked at him, and Daeyoung burned. Before him, honesty had no disguise.
Honesty was love and it couldn’t have any other name.
“Like a date.”
Just like that, it was real.
It shouldn’t be this simple. To hold hands, get closer and enjoy the rays of sunshine on their exposed skin. Shouldn’t be this simple to say ‘I love you’ without any of these words involved, and they shouldn't exchange looks like the secret they just shared wasn’t a truth that could get them into much, much bigger problems.
And it probably wasn’t that simple, but Daeyoung couldn’t find it in himself to be scared. Riku made it easy, and falling was unavoidable when gravity acted upon his feelings and pressed them together like puzzle pieces.
“Let’s take a nap first, jagi .”
Riku closed his eyes, snuggling just a little closer, warm, warm and warmer. They fit, hands clasped between their bodies.
Daeyoung could get used to being honest.