Chapter Text
Nat is 28 when he receives the wedding invitation in the mail. He’s in the kitchen when he opens the letter, leaning against the counter. It’s a brightly decorated card, with a picture of Charlotte Matthews and Laura Lee in the center, looking into a sunset, with a big white Great Pyrenees up on its hind legs pawing at them. It’s a nice photo and looks to be professionally taken, but when he sees it he feels bile crawl up his throat, threatening to come out. He clutches the edge of the counter, knuckles white and hands shaky.
Whose fucked up decision was it to send this to Nat? The only word for it was cruel. A cruel reminder of everything he could have had, and everything he did not have now. It’s like they were fucking taunting him. He was never able to make it out of the clutches of Wiskayok. He had tried so hard, so very hard. But he didn’t have money like Lottie or a stable family like Laura Lee did, or anything really. What he did have was a dead father, an alcoholic mother, and the addict gene he inherited from the both of them.
He’d made it into the same college that Lottie and Laura Lee had, but he never would have been able to scrape up the funds to actually go. He had money saved up from the various minimum wage jobs he’d had in high school, but it wasn’t even enough to pay for one semester. The bank wouldn’t even approve his request for student loans just because of how bad his parents’ credit scores were. Lottie would have offered but her dad wouldn’t have agreed to actually pay for him. So he was stuck.
The first two years after high school, he had dropped into a depressive state, and had spent many of his days drunk at the bar. Everyone knew he wasn’t of age yet, but they accepted his fake ID anyway out of pity. He lived in a state of in-between, never spending more than a couple hours at a time sober. Life was too painful to face head on; it was easier to just numb it all. It was only when the owner of the bar made a comment about him being just like his dad one day that made him clean up his act.
He had spent so long growing up telling himself that he would never become like his father, and look where it got him.
Nat pulled himself together, starting the long road to recovery. It took him a while, but he began attending AA meetings and would be 5 years sober in May. He started working at his old middle school, as a janitor. Not the most glamorous job, not by a long shot, but the kids who attended were so full of love for life, not yet affected by the ugly world. At least, most of them were.
There was a little girl who reminded him of himself that attended the school. He had known her for 2 years now, her name was Lisa, and she was 10 years old, riddled with teen angst. She was trans, like him, and was bullied for it by some kids. She had come out to him when she was 9, and Nat immediately showed her support and later revealed that he was also trans. Nat had tried to report the bullying to the school administration, but was largely ignored. So he took her under his wing, letting her hide and eat lunch with him. The other kids weren’t so bold as to try to bully her in front of him.
Sometimes, when he noticed she hadn’t brought a lunch, he would give his to her. Honestly, if it weren’t for her, he’d have quit long ago. He had gotten an offer from the bar owner to bartend when he had seen Nat clean himself up, and Nat had taken it up and had been bartending some nights and the weekends for a year now.
It surprised him at first, how much bartending didn’t bother him. Even with the close proximity to alcohol, he was stable enough that it didn’t matter. (The image of his dad slumped at the bar also helped.) He made decent money there, and could likely quit his janitor job to work at the bar full time if he wanted. But Lisa needed him, and if he were honest, he needed her too. She kept him going on the bad days, and he kept her safe.
He had bought an apartment two months ago with the money he had saved up- and it was a decent amount, considering he didn’t really have anything or anyone to spend it on. He splurged only once when he was 22, after two years of working at the middle school, to get top surgery. After that, it was only the money he paid for his testosterone prescription. He’d long since given up on college already.
(And if he were being even more honest, he’d be able to admit that it was in hopes of one day being able to adopt Lisa. So what if she was basically half his age already? She’d spoken about her parents before to him, and he needed to get her out. It was another thing they had in common. Fuck the authorities for not doing anything when he brought up these concerns.)
It was in this apartment that he found himself, itching for a drink. He’d long since thrown out any alcohol he kept in his trailer, and he’d never had any at all at his apartment. He was grateful for this, because if he had easy access, he didn’t think he’d be sober. What the fuck were they thinking, sending him this shit? After what had happened, after how they ended?
Laura Lee and Lottie threw him out of their lives as if he were rotten. He wouldn’t even have cared so much if they had just broken up with him and gotten it over with. But no. They didn’t come back. Not ever. All of their promises of “we’ll be back during break!” and “we’ll call every night!” were fucking lies. He didn’t get a single call, and they never returned for any break. They just didn’t come back once they were gone. They didn’t have the decency to at the very least give him closure and tell him that they were done. So for them to send this ? Were they fucking rubbing it in his face?
Truthfully, the pain of being abandoned and discarded had long since subsided. He was used to it by then, even if he had never expected it from them. It was like an old wound that had healed over, only aching at times when he was reminded of one of them. When he drove by the church in his beat-up car and thought about Laura Lee’s warmth, or when a deer ran across the street in front of him and he was reminded of Lottie’s love for the graceful animals. He didn’t think about them often anymore, and was grateful for it. He was preoccupied with worrying about Lisa and going through the motions of life.
This invitation was like someone had stuck a knife into the wound and twisted it, reminding him viscerally of pain he hadn’t given much thought to in years. They literally had not spoken in 10 years, what was the point in sending him an invitation?
He paused.
How did they even know where to send the letter? He’d moved out of his old trailer, the one his mother was still rotting in. He hadn’t been in contact with anyone from highschool for years. How much fucking effort were his ex-girlfriends willing to put into torturing him? Did they truly hate him so much?
He couldn’t hold back anymore, and thankfully was able to make it to the kitchen sink before throwing up. He gagged and cried and coughed until he couldn’t breathe. Once everything had been expelled from his body, he frantically rinsed his mouth out before sitting down on the kitchen floor, tears still streaming down his face.
He curled in on himself, feeling small in a way that he hadn’t felt since his father died. He supposed he wasn’t as healed as he thought he was, if a stupid card was making him spiral this much. Nat pulled himself up, gripping the side of the counter, reaching for the invitation.
“Charlotte Matthews + Laura Lee
Save The Date!
May 31
RSVP @ 212 - 865 - 9032”
There was more information about the venue and timing on the back, but Nat could only focus on one thing. 212 was a New York City area code. Suddenly he felt sick once more, and had to suppress the urge to throw up again. The only reason he didn’t was because he knew he would be in a world of pain throwing up just bile, and he’d had enough of that from the years he spent permanently drunk.
NYC was so, so close to Jersey. They were so close the entire time, and they hadn’t tried once to reach out to him before this. His eyes were burning at this point- he hadn’t cried this hard since his 3rd year being sober, when he’d had a particularly rough day and couldn’t have alcohol to use as a crutch as he usually did.
Good god, he had to pull himself together. It was only Thursday night still, and he had work tomorrow. What would Lisa say if she could see him now? He needed to be strong, for her.
Nat trudged toward the bathroom, which was attached to his bedroom. He turned the shower on, pushing the lever to the maximum heat. Without even bothering to take off his clothes, he stepped into the shower and sat down. He couldn’t. Everything was just too much. He curled up into the fetal position and just tried to breathe.
Eventually, when the water ran cold, he pushed himself off of the ground and stripped off his clothes, pulling on an old Pierce the Veil t-shirt to sleep in. He flopped face first onto his bed and burrowed into his sheets, too exhausted to do any of his pre-sleep rituals.
Nat slipped into a deep sleep, dreaming of two people he hadn’t seen in a decade.
-
When he woke up, he was bone-tired and felt as if he hadn’t gone to sleep in the first place. This deep seated tiredness was nothing new to him, he had been dealing with depression for years now and he was used to feeling this way by now. Somehow he was in an even worse mood than the night before, the dreams of his past loves making him bitter. Anger swelled within him. Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with them? The thought had been on repeat inside his head ever since he opened the damned thing.
He quietly got ready for a day at the school, taking his T-shot and packing his lunch along with an extra one for Lisa. At times like these he truly felt like a dad, with Lisa as his daughter. How he wished. The thought made him smile, and he felt happier than he had since the night before. He shrugged on his coat before heading out of his apartment building, shivering at the crisp February air. He glanced at his watch: 6:32, he had time before he had to get to school.
He stopped by a gas station to buy Lisa a sweet treat for the day, getting the feeling that she’d need it. He bought her favorite candy, 100 Grand.
Nat pulled into the school parking lot around 7:00, and headed in to start his day. He had around an hour before students started to arrive, and he had to check all the bathrooms and make sure they’re all clean before then. He plugged in his headphones and turned on his favorite Foo Fighters album- The Color and the Shape.
-
He had finished cleaning all the toilets 15 minutes before 8:00, and went back to his office space to rest before continuing on with his day. He pushed the door open and went to his bag to pull out the lunch he packed, grabbing a protein bar out of it to eat. He had just sat down at his desk when the phone rang.
“Hello?” he asked into the phone, voice rough from disuse and the hours of crying he had done the previous night.
“Hey Mr. Scatorccio, I know it’s not your job but there’s this boy at the office asking for you. He’s pretty banged up and he can’t say anything but your name. I do hope you realize that as soon as this is sorted out, we’ll have to speak about how he knows you,” the voice of his boss says. Shit.
Hang on…who? Wait.
Lisa.
Nat sprang up in a panic, rushing out of his office and running through the halls to get to the principal’s office. That was his girl, his kid. Pretty banged up? He swore- her parents?
He slowed to a walk when he could see the office in sight, not wanting to appear too frazzled. His boss was already concerned about him knowing Lisa, no need to add fuel to the flames by looking too worked up. The last thing he needed was any sort of accusation. He walked up to the door and knocked firmly, waiting outside even though every fiber of his body was telling him to move, telling him to go make sure his kid was alright.
The door swung open and he scrambled to get into the room. Nat’s eyes found Lisa, sitting on a chair with bruises all over her body and a cut on her face above her eyebrow. His heart dropped to his stomach and he felt deeply ashamed. He knew she wasn’t the safest at home, and he hadn’t pushed hard enough to get her out of it. And now she’d been hurt, more so than usual.
Lisa’s eyes lit up when she saw Nat walk through the door, looking like her savior. Nat was disgruntled and in a janitor's uniform, but she had never seen someone that inspired a greater feeling of safety to her. She jumped out of her chair and ran towards Nat, hugging him tightly, though the top of her head only reached to his stomach. He hugged her back just as tightly, before dropping down to his knees to make eye contact and asking if she was alright.
“I’m fine Natty, he just got mad at me again. Said I was too old to be playing dress up. Mommy was too sleepy to stop him this time and he threw one of her bottles at me. I got out of the way but still got scraped a little… I tried to run but he caught me Natty, he caught me,” Lisa told him, clutching his shirt tightly while sobbing. He pulled her in tighter, his own tears welling up in his eyes. He’d had enough, he was getting her out of there, authorities be damned.
"I’m so sorry Lisa, I’m so very, very sorry. It’s alright now, you’re safe, I’m here. I’m here,” he cradled her to his chest, careful not to grip her hard, lest he agitate her bruises.
As Lisa sobbed against his chest, he looked up to make eye contact with the principal. Mr. Brown was an imposing man, broad shouldered and tall. His presence was booming and intruding. As intimidating as he was, however, he was still an adolescent educator. He was in the profession for a reason, and he felt responsibility for the kids who attended his school. In his eyes was guilt and sorrow at letting this child get hurt, and confusion at the use of the name “Lisa.” Nat knew she wasn’t out to everyone yet, and he didn’t mean to out her, but he knew it would help her feel better.
“She is not going back,” Nat mouthed at him, eyes wide with a deep sadness at the situation, and with anger at her parents. How someone could do this to their own child, he would never know. He’d ask his parents if they were still alive (or in his mother’s case, responsive) and if he had the confidence to.
The man just nodded, and stood up to exit the office, presumably to get this whole shit show all sorted out. They’d need to file a police report for abuse against Lisa’s parents and figure out who she would be staying with. He internally crossed his fingers and wished it was him.
What Nat hadn’t told Lisa was that for the last couple of months ever since he bought his apartment, he had taken a foster parent course and was now legally able to foster. If everything had gone to plan, he would have been able to adopt her within a few months, considering he was able to prove her own parents were unsuitable. Now though, the whole process was being expedited. He hated that it had to happen like this, that his little girl had to be hurt so violently before change could happen, but at least it meant she’d be with him sooner. Safe at last.
Once her tears dried up, he picked her up and set her on the chair she was previously on and then sat down next to her.
“You won’t have to go back there kid, I promise you,” he told her, trying to convey his sincerity. He wasn’t going to let her go back, not when this had happened, not when he could get her out. He had enough money to take care of her, and he could make enough time for her. He’d cut down his hours at the bar to just late weeknights, when she’d be asleep, and leaving his weekends free for her.
-
Three months had passed, and Lisa was more or less settled with Nat. They’d approved his request to foster her and she’d been living with him, under his care, for the past few months. He could visibly see her become happier as the days went by.
(His fellow faculty at the middle school would say the same about him. They hadn’t seen him this happy in, well, ever. For once there weren’t bags under his eyes, and he seemed to smile more often. Not the fake, pained smiles he usually wore when he was forced to, but genuine smiles.)
The school year had ended the previous week, so Nat had been taking Lisa out to see things he knew she had never seen before. He had taken her to an aquarium today, and he was sitting at the dining table figuring out where he could take her tomorrow when she tapped on him lightly.
“Natty, what’s this? Can we go, I wanna see the doggy!”
Nat froze.
She was holding the wedding invitation. He had honestly forgotten about it with the chaos of everything that went down with Lisa after he’d received it. He glanced at the calendar- May 13th. The wedding was a couple weeks away.
He gently snatched the card from Lisa. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. Nothing in the weeks of parenting classes he’d taken prepared him for this. “What to do if your child questions you about a wedding invitation to your exes’ wedding?” Not exactly a common topic.
“Sweetheart, I know the doggy is cute, but I don’t know about this one.” He paused, wildly unsure of what to say. His brain was actively killing itself trying to come up with an appropriate explanation as to why they couldn’t go see the cute dog. “I used to be friends with those people with the dog,” he said, pointing at Lottie and Laura Lee, “and they weren’t the nicest to me, they left me.”
Jesus, could he even say that to a kid? What if she developed some sort of complex from hearing about this shit. He didn’t necessarily think she would, but anything was possible with kids. Again, nothing from his parenting classes ever prepared him for something like this.
He watched as Lisa’s expression twisted into one of anger. “How dare they! Natty, that's not nice at all!” Her expression stayed angry for a couple of seconds before her face contorted once more into a sob. “I would never, never, never ever leave you Natty, I love you!”
Oh Jesus- now he was tearing up too.
“I love you too baby, so so much,” he gathered her into his arms, holding her close to him. And there was no statement truer than the one he just spoke. She was his kid, and nothing would ever change that. “I will always, always be here for you too.”
They stayed like that for a while before Lisa pulled away from him, reaching to pick the invitation back up from where he had set it down on the table. She studied it for a moment, tilting her head and peering closely at it.
She turned to face Nat again, and as soon as he saw her face, he knew he was screwed. She had put on her most devastating pout paired with puppy eyes he just couldn’t say no to. “Please, please, I still want to go see the dog! Look at how cute he is,” she whined at him, clutching his shirt.
Fuck.
What kind of asshole says no to that. He certainly wasn’t about to break her heart over this. He could suck it up- for his kid.