Chapter Text
Luo Binghe’s memories are hazy. He is drifting through an empty space that is sometimes black, sometimes red, and other times made of smoke or confusing images that could be his memories ─ or his nightmares. He’s not sure where one ends and the other begins. At some point, he’s pretty sure that everything around him begins collapsing. As it probably should. There are many details he is not clear on, but one thing he knows for certain.
I destroyed Xin Mo.
The black blade wrought with dark power that has accompanied him for so long that it’s merged together with his very soul ─ he shattered into a million shard pieces.
What does it mean, destroying a sword powerful enough to merge the realms? Destroying a part of his soul? Is it even possible? Or did he, in the end, only end up destroying himself?
Shizun ─
In reality, the only thing Binghe knows for sure is that he destroyed Shizun.
He doesn’t remember it, not really. A few flashing images squeezed between rare moments of clarity, all cruelly ripped out of his hands in a wave of demonic power tearing him apart from the inside.
He can't escape the aftermath.
Shizun’s trembling body under him, pale and sweaty skin exposed under the clothing that was ripped to shreds. Shizun’s hands, desperately holding onto him with the strength of a butterfly. And the blood…
There was so much blood.
A light flashes in the corner of his eye.
[The advanced System function ‘Reload’ was successfully activated! Role binding successfully completed. Role bound: ‘the Protagonist’. The user’s life points have been restored to their maximum value! We welcome you to the System!]
The blinking lights cloud his vision. Luo Binghe sees the words for what they are, but he doesn’t understand their meaning. What is it saying? Does it even matter? Shizun is… Shizun…
Luo Binghe closes his eyes and the sight of Shizun once again sacrificing his life to run from Luo Binghe consumes him. Shizun is… Shizun…
Luo Binghe feels Shizun’s body going limp in his arms, warmth leaving his skin, the same way it did back in Huayue city. Not again. Please. Please, please. Not again─
A sudden, sharp screech sends goosebumps down his arms. Before Luo Binghe can bring himself to look for the source, metal clangs against metal and wood crashes against wood, devastatingly loud in the wake of his empty misery. But there is no hellfire to make him suffer and no monsters to feed on his flesh. There is just a gasp. A surprised, high-pitched noise, slipping out in a moment of carelessness.
“A-Luo!”
Luo Binghe can’t remember anyone addressing him that way, so gently, so fondly, so fearfully .
What is happening? Hasn’t he just destroyed Xin Mo deep inside the Maigu Ridge? Who could have possibly lived through that? Luo Binghe remembers clinging onto Shizun’s body desperately as he risked destroying their entire existence in a single desperate move, but now there’s nobody in his arms. In fact, his arms are stretched up quite uncomfortably. He can’t move. Twitching his fingers feels like pushing at a mountain.
Shizun is gone from his grasp, but somebody else is there when there should have only been death ─ so Luo Binghe puts everything he's got into opening his heavy eyelids.
At first, all he sees is darkness.
It’s not absolute blackness, nor is it the deep shadow of the dream realm. It is… darkness of the night. It takes a few moments for his eyes to adjust and the vague human shape in front of him begins to take a more concrete, more familiar form of a person. The longer he stares, the clearer it gets. The face of the girl shrouded in moonlight and her many braids, the trembling hands covering her mouth and the tears glistening in her eyes.
“A-Luo… what… why…” Her voice shakes. “When Ming Fan said it, I didn’t believe it… I couldn’t believe it… how is this… How could Shizun do this to you?”
Funny. If Shizun strung him up by the arms and whipped him with a spiked metal whip, Luo Binghe wouldn’t mind. Shizun can do anything. Hit him, stab him, destroy him. If that’s what Shizun wants to do, then Luo Binghe will not oppose it, even if Shizun decides to permanently end him.
But there’s something accusatory in this voice that Luo Binghe doesn’t like. A tinge of fear and desperation that upsets him, because the person it’s coming from has no right whatsoever to speak of Shizun so disrespectfully.
“Ning Yingying─” he says warningly, but his voice breaks, scratchy and too weak to make a sound.
Instantly, the girl is beside him, experimentally tugging at the ropes binding his wrists to the overhead beam. She speaks through her tears, but her words are unclear, disjointed and lost in her sobs ─ Luo Binghe is getting a headache just trying to follow what she’s saying. It’s annoying, because there are things he wants to ask her urgently, but he isn’t getting a chance.
If he was tied up by Shizun, does that mean Shizun is still alive? How is Shizun doing? Has he recovered from Binghe’s─
But he can’t ask any of it, because Ning Yingying won’t stop rambling. He catches the tail-end of her words, however, and they’re as confusing as it gets.
“Even if Shizun gave the order, I don’t care! This can’t be happening! A-Luo, brace yourself! Shijie will free you now.”
Wait, wait, wait a moment! Shizun is issuing this punishment for a reason, he’s doing this─
But with a single swing of her training sword, Ning Yingying cuts the ropes holding Luo Binghe upright. With trembling legs unable to sustain his weight, he topples over to the ground, his head caught by Ning Yingying a moment before it hits the dirt. Before his barely functional voice can protest, the girl removes the remnants of the ropes around his wrists and it hurts . Burns, as if the ropes have been digging into his skin for a long time, leaving deep red marks and traces of blood.
It’s not Immortal Binding Cables. Even so, after the ropes are removed, Luo Binghe’s skin doesn’t begin to heal.
Gently, Ning Yingying brushes the sweat-damp hair away from his forehead. “A-Luo, do you need a medic?”
Luo Binghe wants to decline, his body is perfectly able to fix itself no matter the calamity it encounters, but for some reason, he doesn’t even have the arm strength to support himself, or god forbid, stand .
Ning Yingying continues rambling. “I can’t believe Shizun would do something like this. He has to have had a reason, right? Something happened that makes sense, right? Because otherwise, why would Shizun do this to you? A-Luo has been the most devoted ever since he joined Qing Jing Peak, what could you have possibly done to upset Shizun so?”
Oh, if you could only imagine ─
But Luo Binghe doesn’t say it. He manages, with difficulty, to break out of her hold and gather enough strength to arrange his body into a sitting position. Almost immediately, his back leans against a wooden wall at an awkward angle and Ning Yingying rushes to help, but at least she’s not obstructing his movements.
From his scorching dry throat, Luo Binghe manages to croak out a few words: “How… is… Shizun?”
Rapidly, Ning Yingying shakes her head, her many braids swinging wildly in all directions as she does, no rhyme or reason to it. “It’s true then? That Shizun collapsed inside the woodshed? Ming Fan said so, but I really can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore… ah, but Mu-shishu says it was a Qi deviation. Well, his explanation was much longer, but the gist of it is, Shizun cultivated some dangerous techniques in the past and now the consequences hurt his body. He’s still unconscious. They’re not sure when he will wake up.”
Luo Binghe wrecks his mind to figure out what a woodshed has to do with the Maigu Ridge, but something in his brain doesn’t work, so he gives up. Anyway, there’s the other, far more alarming part of what she’s said to address.
“Qi… deviation?” he croaks out, and curses his barely functioning throat. Why does he sound like a breathless child?
“That’s what they say,” Ning Yingying says. “Quite a deviation, too. You could feel it on the whole mountain.”
What? That’s not how Qi deviations work.
Luo Binghe says, “Will he… get better?”
Ning Yingying sighs solemnly. “Mu-shishu says he’s done all he could and the Sect Leader hasn’t left Shizun’s side for a moment over the last few days since it happened. Everything’s been so chaotic, no one even realized you were missing until Ming Fan just casually mentioned at dinner that Shizun locked you up. A-Luo, this Shijie, I… this is truly unfair to you.”
Luo Binghe grimaces. And what has not been unfair to him? Life has always been unfair and the odds were stacked against him from the start. He’s gotten used to it. Watching someone who contributed to his troubles over the years suddenly regret it all doesn’t make him feel any different. Luo Binghe cares about one thing and one thing only.
“Did Shizun… talk… about me?”
Does Shizun want to kill him? Does Shizun want to punish him? Whatever it is, Luo Binghe will accept it. He just wants one chance. One chance to explain, one chance to express his feelings. Dark and dangerous as they may be, it’s the one thing that’s kept him going for many, many years and Luo Binghe just wants Shizun to know ─ it didn’t start out so twisted that way. If Shizun won’t accept him, well… Luo Binghe doesn’t deserve it anyway. He will make do. Xin Mo no longer controls his mind, so Luo Binghe can understand the lines he’s crossed go beyond Shizun’s capacity for forgiveness.
It’s not fine , but if Shizun is alive, then… It’s enough. Luo Binghe doesn’t dare ask for more.
But the way Ning Yingying is staring at him, so cluelessly confused, reminds him back of his childhood, the long forgotten disciple days, where a clueless expression such as this one so often led him directly into heaps of trouble.
“A-Luo,” she says slowly and very carefully, “what could Shizun possibly have said? He suffered a Qi deviation right while whipping you. See? That nasty thing is still on the ground. Obviously, he can’t have hurt you because he wanted to.”
“But… he was fine… before? He’s… recovered, before?”
“... what did Shizun need to recover from? A-Luo, what are you saying? Are you confused after being locked up for so many days? Shijie promises it’s not that bad. You’re not injured. Shizun must have done this to scare you, but the whipping wasn’t that bad. If you let me look, it probably didn’t even leave bruises.”
Luo Binghe isn’t sure how to explain to her that bruises are not at all what he’s worried about. In fact, the longer this conversation goes, the more he thinks that he and Ning Yingying are not at all understanding each other. The answers he’s getting don’t make any sense. Has he accidentally fallen into the dreamscape while unaware? But he’s usually pretty good at separating the dream realm's formations from the grim reality. This, as odd as it may be, feels very real.
“Ning Yingying.” He inhales, deciding that there’s no point in beating around the bush anymore. “What happened in Maigu Ridge?”
The response he gets is a blank stare and a highly eloquent, “What?” And then a hand is on his forehead, as if measuring his body temperature. “Is A-Luo delirious? Did you have a nightmare? Why would a disciple of a cultivator sect dream about a place from the demon realm? A-Luo, you shouldn’t talk so carelessly! If that’s what Shizun was beating you for, I can’t even be upset at him on your behalf!”
What?
Wait a damn minute.
A thought comes to Luo Binghe’s mind and he looks around himself, a little fearful. Stacked firewood in one corner, rusted tools and axes in the other, and a single set of folded bed sheets in the corner… For some reason, everything is just as he remembers it. But that’s not right. Luo Binghe burned those horrible bed sheets and only took the pillow with him when Shizun allowed him to move into the bamboo house. The pillow is the one his mother made for him back when he was still a child, so no matter how old and tattered, Luo Binghe would have never left it here─
But it’s here, together with the hole-streaked covers that the other disciples left him after Luo Binghe was denied a spot in the Qing Jing dormitories.
That shouldn’t be possible.
Unless it’s inside a dream realm, this shouldn’t be happening─
“Ning Yingying,” he says, and his voice trembles slightly. “How long has it been since I joined the Cang Qiong Mountain sect?”
Ning Yingying puts a finger to her chin thoughtfully, then says, “About three years? Give or take?”
Quickly, Luo Binghe does some mental math that makes his head spin. “Then… have we already gone to the mission in Shuang Hu city?”
Again, Ning Yingying stares at him blankly. “We were supposed to, but Shizun Qi deviated shortly before it. Was A-Luo supposed to join, too?”
Luo Binghe’s whole world is spinning. This can’t be. How can it be? It’s not possible. But it’s happening. How is it happening? He’s not dreaming, is he? He’s not losing his grip on reality, right? But when he closes his eyes and reaches into himself, for a power sufficient to shock him into awakening ─ there’s nothing. Not a single shred of demonic power inside him.
“A-Luo, is everything okay? Should I call someone over from Qian Cao Peak? You’re very pale.”
“No,” Luo Binghe says immediately. “I’m─I’m fine. I just… spent more time here than I thought.”
“Shijie will talk to Shizun for you,” Ning Yingying promises. “I believe Shizun would not punish you for no reason, but certainly there are better disciplining methods than this . Rest assured, A-Luo. Shijie will take care of this.”
“No, I…”
“Should I take you back to the dorms now?”
“I’d… rather stay.”
“Mhm, sure… wait, what? ”
Very carefully, Luo Binghe repeats, “I’m going to stay here. This is where I usually sleep anyway.” Although, perhaps saying that wasn’t the best idea. The sheer horror on the girl’s face is a surprise.
“You sleep here ? Not the dorms?”
Is it… possible that she had no idea? For so many years? Luo Binghe stares at her. Then again, it is Ning Yingying. If anyone can stay oblivious for so long, it’s definitely her.
“We can talk about it some other time,” he says, finally. “I’m going to stay here. Shijie should come and get me once Shizun wakes up. Don’t forget it. No matter what, once Shizun wakes up, I must see him.”
“Oh, okay. But, what about─”
“ Leave ,” Luo Binghe insists, leaving her no room for argument. She tries a few more times, but he is unrelenting. He gathers enough energy to get up and eventually push her all the way out of the woodshed before slamming the door shut in her face, then collapses down on the ground with his back against them, staring at his own hands in horror.
His very dirty, calloused, scarless hands.
Well, shit.
Somehow, he’s really been thrown back into his fourteen year old body. Luo Binghe closes his eyes, breathing rapidly. He doesn’t understand what is happening or how it is possible. But he is here now. In the past, living his life all over again, long before everything went wrong.
Has he died and been reborn? Or has he traveled through time? Is that possible? But how? Every ancient scroll he's ever gotten his hands on claimed otherwise. Was it perhaps something he'd done?
Luo Binghe’s memories between now and the Maigu Ridge events are as confusing and as hazy as they get. He can’t make head nor tail from any of it, nor does he have any clue on how he ended up here. He just knows that he’s still breathing, he is free from Xin Mo’s influence and Shizun….
Shizun has suffered a devastating Qi deviation.
That certainly hasn’t happened before. Not that Luo Binghe remembers it. Shizun did collapse from a fever once in his youth, roughly at around this same time, but he also recovered rather quickly. Definitely, the events didn’t go this way. In fact, at no point does Ning Yingying even visit him in the woodshed, ever.
Clearly, this has already deviated from the life that Luo Binghe once lived.
But that’s… that’s fine. If his assumption is correct and he truly has been reborn, then… then this is his second chance. Something he never thought would be possible. It’s a chance to fix things, a chance to save Shizun from a fate worse than death. A chance to get Shizun to actually look at him and do it right. Luo Binghe’s whole body trembles at the mere thought of it.
That’s… he’s not going to waste this chance. Not in a million years.
But first things first. He has to make sure Shizun is alive.
“System!” he barks into the empty night, fists clenching.
In the corner of his vision, a shiny rectangle appears.
[This System provides comprehensive 24 hour service and user friendly interface. Please, make your inquiry.]
Luo Binghe takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know what this System is yet, but it has already helped him destroy Xin Mo. Whatever it may be, it’s got power beyond his comprehension. Now, Luo Binghe isn’t silly enough to trust a power that he doesn’t understand, especially when it’s so different from anything he has ever known ─ but he is also not the type to not utilize every tool at his disposal.
“Tell me. Shizun ─ Shen Qingqiu. What’s wrong with him? Do you know?”
The answer is quick. A brand new shiny rectangle pops up in front of his eyes with a ding noise in his ears, many strange words filling the empty space.
[Currently, User Account 002 bound to role ‘Shen Qingqiu’ has been set to sleep mode. Does the Protagonist wish to engage Advanced System function 'Reload' for the inactive user instance?]
Wha… what? Again with words that sound like his language, but he doesn’t understand anything that’s been said. But… does that mean… that Shizun is asleep? Or what? Luo Binghe truly feels like he’s been reverted to his teenager self, stupid and naive and bafflingly ignorant. He doesn’t understand anything .
[Advanced System function 'Reload' allows the Administrator Account to activate all User Accounts currently set to sleep mode and reload them to their last save. Activate Protocol Reload for User Account 002 ‘Shen Qingqiu’?]
… right. So Luo Binghe doesn’t even need to speak for this damn System thing to know what he’s thinking. Fine, then! Stop messing with me! Either save Shizun or get lost!
[...]
[Activating Protocol 'Reload' for User Account 002. Loading default user account settings. Retrieving user data…]
[Warning! By activating Protocol 'Reload', the Protagonist role will automatically lose all the temporarily acquired administrator rights and be set back to default mode. Proceed with Protocol Reload?]
Proceed, proceed, proceed!
Luo Binghe has much more important things to worry about than some stupid administrators . Shizun is waiting for him.
[Protocol 'Reload' successfully activated for User Account 002! Data reload ongoing… … ETA: 06:50:39]
That… hopefully means that something will happen… in seven hours? Maybe? Is Luo Binghe interpreting this correctly? There was another countdown, shortly before he woke up here. At some point, it had gotten close to zero and the next thing Luo Binghe remembers is opening his eyes here. Is this the same thing?
Is Shizun going to be in as much pain as Binghe was, prior to waking up in this place? Is Shizun going to be reborn as well? Or is Luo Binghe just helping this world’s Shizun recover from his own troubles?
[...]
Yeah, fine, whatever. He'll figure it out. Luo Binghe is too exhausted to care much for the details now. Eventually, he turns to his side and closes his eyes, snuggling back into the old bed sheets like it hasn’t been well over a decade since he last used it. He digs his nose into his mother’s gift and breathes in the scent desperately. For some reason, the stupid, smelly cloth gives him the peace of mind that he didn’t know he needed.
When the rays of morning sun break through the cracks in the woodshed walls, Ning Yingying comes screaming at him that Shizun is awake. Still bleary from sleep and exhausted from the shocking realizations he’s encountered, Luo Binghe’s reaction is almost non-existent.
However, he doesn’t fail to notice that the countdown notice that’s been going in the corner of his vision since last night is sitting on a bunch of zeros. So Luo Binghe fixes his hair and clothes as he stands up and makes his way out of the woodshed. Ning Yingying rushes back towards the bamboo house, where a bunch of Peak Lords and disciples have already gathered, all too eager to hear the details. Luo Binghe lingers several steps behind, but even as he comes close, he dares not move forward. Frozen in fear, he stands and he waits, until even the Qian Cao Peak Lord steps outside, nodding his confirmation for the others to go in.
Luo Binghe does not move.
But on the inside, it feels like a tight knot in his chest has been undone.
Under his breath, Luo Binghe whispers, “Thank you, System, for saving Shizun for me.”
A window blinks in the corner of his eyes.
[♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡]
It’s a strange answer to see, but Luo Binghe doesn't give it much thought. His mind settles into a state of frigid calm after a very long time.
Shizun is awake. Shizun is alive. As long as that’s true, then Luo Binghe will make do with anything .