Chapter Text
It’s been half an hour since the warning sirens blared throughout the island.
The waves are huge and foaming, breaking roughly against the shore, sweeping whatever they can submerge out to sea. The ocean spray on his face and salty wind ruffling his green hair is calming, though the quiet of the inky black sky is periodically interrupted by cracks of lightning or thunder.
He’s wondering why he hasn’t felt this peaceful in years when he’s reminded by heavy footsteps shaking the house and an incomprehensible shout as the balcony door flies open.
Zoro barely has time to register a red blur before it slams directly into his chest and clamps onto him.
He staggers backwards, trying to stabilise while the squirming mess of curly hair and jorts attached to his torso shakes his shoulders and screams at him.
“The waves, Zoro! The waves!”
“Okay, alright, I got it! Can you get off me?” He grunts.
Luffy ignores him, only springing off when a particularly bright fork of lightning flashes in the sky. He bounds over to the window, practically vibrating with excitement and continues blabbing about the ocean.
“We've gotta try them out! They’ve never been this big before!”
“Can you slow down for a second,” Zoro says as he moves his swords from the table to their mount on the wall, ‘coincidentally’ placed out of his hyperactive friend’s reach. “What’re you on about?”
“Surfing!” He answers cheerfully, like it’s obvious. “Okay, you get changed, I’ll get the boards then we can-”
“Sit your ass down, we're not surfing that.”
Luffy partially deflates, his smile wavering slightly. “What, why?”
Zoro steals a quick glance at his phone, the lock screen being steadily flooded with increasingly violent threats from Nami to lock the doors, take care of Luffy and not do anything dumb.
“Aren’t cyclones supposed to be… dangerous, or something?” He tries.
“Meh, I could probably out-swim it. C’mon, it’d be fun!” They stare at each other until Luffy realises Zoro couldn’t give less of a shit and switches tactics, “Well, you can’t stop me, so, sit here and be boring or we can go surf.”
He can’t really argue with that.
“Ace’ll kill me if I let you die.” He muses.
Luffy's eyes light up “Uh huh. Sabo too! And what if I got bitten by a shark or something? You’d have to explain to everyone that I didn't have arms or legs because you were lazy and slept through it-”
Zoro tunes out of the rant, rolling his eyes as if he didn’t know this was exactly how the conversation would go the second Luffy asked.
“Fine, go get the boards. I’ll be out in five.” Zoro says, interrupting the very visual story of everything that could physically go wrong if he refuses.
“Really?” Luffy’s face splits into a grin, even though he’s frozen in the middle of demonstrating a fight against the Loch Ness monster.
“You’re taking the blame if Nami finds out, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah I promise. You gotta hurry though!” With that assuring statement, he turns on his heel, wrenches the door open and sprints into the rain.
Zoro watches as Luffy cartwheels into the shack their surfboards are kept and for some reason, Mihawk’s voice echoes through his head.
“That boy is going to be the death of you.”
The first but nowhere near the last time he had ever been told that was when he was eleven.
Lip busted and knuckles bruised, grinning in the passenger seat of Mihawk’s luxury car, he had just gotten into a fistfight (and won by a landslide) with a boy two years older who had problems with Ace, so decided to take it out on the younger brother. Luffy delivered a very fucking solid sucker punch to the face before Zoro even stepped in, really the guy never stood a chance.
What Mihawk didn’t know was Zoro had actually accepted and made peace with that possibility a very long time ago. If the situation arose he wouldn’t think fucking twice.
There’s a shout from the driveway. “Oi, Zoro, hurry up! What are you doing? I’m gonna leave without you!”
***
After nearly an hour of surfing, which was just countless wipeouts and continuously being abused by the ocean, the weather has gotten so bad Zoro is ready to admit this was a very shitty idea and call it a day, but as expected, Luffy is not.
“But nothing’s gone wrong!” He whines, “We haven’t even fought any sea monsters yet!”
“If you come back to the house you can fight me all you want.”
“But it’s not the same!” Luffy’s focus shifts and he frowns as his eyes lock onto something above Zoro’s shoulder, “What’s that?”
“I’m not an idiot.” He scowls, “You can’t keep pulling that in difficult conversations and run away while I’m not looking.”
“No! I’m serious this time, there’s a boat over there.” He insists.
Zoro hesitantly follows the guide of Luffy’s finger to an expensive looking fishing boat being thrown around by waves at least twice its size.
“Do we help them?” Luffy yells over the wind.
“They’d run us over before we could do anything helpful. They’ll be fine, if they’re rich enough to get a boat like that they’re rich enough to know how to sail it. For now, we need to get out of here.”
He still looks sceptical “Okay, but-”
A wall of water they were too distracted to see crashes down on them, effectively ending the conversation.
Zoro has to drag his half-drowned best friend out of the surf, dumping him on the shore and standing over him like a soaking wet, menacing guardian angel as Luffy coughs up seawater.
“Not a fucking word of this to Nami.”
***
He’s dimly aware of a door opening, he’s too warm to care.
“Jesus,” Someone kicks his leg. “What the fuck happened to you?”
He opens an eye, just to make sure it’s no one breaking in and stealing their shit, not that there’s much to steal anyway. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes, catching a glimpse of orange hair disappearing down the hallway and a pillow flying towards his face at unhealthy speeds.
“Get up!”
He catches the pillow with no problem and hurls it back the way it came, feeling satisfied with the dull smacking sound and yelp produced. He sits up, trying to get his bearings and wondering why the fuck there’s a piece of kelp in his hair.
“Good morning to you too, dickhead.” Usopp wheezes from the floor, the pillow-turned projectile lying beside him.
Zoro grunts in response, wondering how pissed off Nami would be if he went back to sleep and debating if it’s worth it.
He looks around Garp’s bungalow, it’s small and wooden, surrounded by verandas and built on the shoreline of the marsh that runs through almost the whole island. The interior is cushy and worn down, the fraying couch he’s been crashing on for the past few years is opposite to the TV and kitchen, the dinner table is a little bit further to the right.
It feels much more like a home rather than Mihawk’s depressing manor on the other side of the island, where he technically should be living.
Luffy bounds into the room, from where Zoro’s sitting it actually looks like there’s golden light radiating off him. His head swivels around excitedly until finally clocking Usopp on the ground and belly flopping on top of him.
Luffy wraps around Usopp like a koala and presses his face into his chest. Even though they saw each other yesterday, Luffy greets everyone like an excited puppy who hasn’t seen its owner for years.
“This is cute and all, but you need to get up, we’ve got shit to do. Also, you’re suffocating Usopp.” Nami emerges from the hallway, then walks into the kitchen and starts rifling through the cupboards, probably looking for anything edible, as if she doesn’t know Luffy constantly clears them out.
Luffy detaches himself, leaving Usopp gasping for air as he jumps to his feet, pushing himself up to sit in the middle of the table. “Namiii, can you make pancakes with that tangerine sauce?”
“Do you have money?”
He groans. “Can’t I have a friend discount or something?”
“Even if I wanted to, the power’s out and you literally have no ingredients. Anyway, the hurricane pushed all the fish into the marsh, we can sell them to Zeff if they’re freshly caught. Chopper always brings snacks, eat some of those.”
“All he ever gives me is carrot sticks! It's always-” he sits up, pitching up his voice and widening his eyes, “‘You can’t just eat meat. Balanced diets and vegetables are healthy!’” He slumps back in his chair, “I’m no hippie.”
Usopp stares at him in awe. “How don’t you have at least one heart condition?”
Zoro begrudgingly accepts he won’t be getting any more sleep, or peace for that matter, at least not until someone forces Luffy to take his meds. He gets up from the couch, stretching and swiping a box of Cheerios off the coffee table.
“Here, take these for the road.” Zoro tosses the cereal into Luffy’s lap.
“Awh,” He pouts at the box, “they’re all stale.”
“You’ll live.” Nami rolls her eyes, throwing an unbothered “Are you guys coming or not?” over her shoulder before she steps out of the door.
Luffy looks up from his nutritious breakfast, a few Cheerios falling out of his mouth. “Now?”
“Two minutes and I’m leaving.”
“But it’s my boat?” He yells after her, which is ultimately ignored.
“You guys ready?” Luffy starts to open his mouth, Usopp just sighs. “Yes Luffy, you have to wear shoes. No, they can’t be sandals.”
He huffs and jumps off the table, crossing the kitchen and reaching into the freezer, pulling out the only pair of enclosed shoes he owns: ratty red Converse Sabo got him for his twelfth birthday.
“Why…?” Usopp trails off, frowning at the shoes Luffy is whacking against the kitchen counter.
“It’s hot outside,” He shrugs, scrunching the stiff laces and showering the floorboards with ice. “They keep my feet cold.”
“I don’t even know why I’m surprised.” Usopp turns to leave, “Zoro, you coming?”
“I’ve been trying to leave for the past three braindead interactions-” He tries to push open the fly screen, which magically gained a handle overnight.
“Wrong door.”
“...I know that.” He turns around, Usopp smirks as he holds the back door open, which he could have sworn wasn’t there a second ago.
“You’ve lived here for how many years again?” The prick asks smugly as Zoro passes.
“What, you stay at Nami’s for a night and now you’re high society?”
Usopp ignores his comment, sucking in a breath as they step off the balcony, “Shit the hurricane really did a number on this place.”
Now that he mentions it, something does seem off. For starters, there’s a huge tree lying uprooted on the ground, along with a ton of loose branches, leaves and the occasional clump of seaweed scattered throughout the yard.
“Is this ours?” Zoro picks up a battered deck chair.
“Absolutely not but we’re keeping it. Free shit is free shit.”
They continue towards the jetty, ignoring Luffy’s panicked ‘Wait for me!’ shouts.
“Didn’t leave without us?” Zoro says as he steps onto the Merry.
Nami glares at him, “No, cleaning and getting a boat into water takes a little longer than a few minutes. You or Luffy couldn’t have taken two seconds to cover her? The hurricane could have caused serious damage.”
“Nah, Merry’s strong.” Usopp grins down at the ship, “A little cyclone’s got nothing on her.”
Luffy finally bursts out of the house, hurtling over the stairs and sprinting towards them, trying to pull his shoes on at the same time.
“Wait, wait, wait!” He hops in a little circle, stepping on his laces and face-planting in the process.
He scrambles up and sprints across the pier, leaping onto the Merry just as it pulls away from the dock.
He doesn’t miss a beat before turning on Nami and dumping himself on the bench in front of the wheel so he can give her his attempt at puppy dog eyes, which is actually just pouting while staring unblinkingly at someone until they get creeped out and give in.
He starts to open his mouth, but she cuts in. “No.”
“But I haven’t even-”
She sighs, “No we’re not going to a drive-thru, there are none for boats. If you’re really hungry, have some of the bait.”
He narrows his eyes, “...What kind?”
Usopp interrupts, probably saving Luffy’s life because Nami looks about two seconds away from throwing him off the side.
“Wait, Nami I forgot to tell you, do you remember Helmeppo? The entitled one with a buttchin? We’ve been praying on his downfall?”
Nami perks up. “Oh my fucking god, did you see his haircut?”
“Right?! I don’t know what could possess you to walk into the barber and ask for that.” Usopp shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thought. “But I wasn’t talking about that, it gets better-”
Her eyebrows shoot up, “Luffy, take the wheel.”
He furrows his eyebrows, “But I thought I lost driving privileges?”
“If I let Zoro steer we’d end up in fucking Atlantis.”
She doesn’t give an ounce of attention to his grumbled: “Fuck you.”
Luffy, apparently unable to argue with that, takes over from Nami as she practically flies to Usopp’s side. As they both get comfortable on the bow, Zoro mentally prepares to hear the most jail-time worthy secrets the two of them dug up from the darkest corners of the island.
“So, it was when I came to pick you up from your shift at Baratie, right before the storm, I overheard these guys in some booth talking. Turns out, Helmeppo’s dad, the decorated war hero he never shuts up about, is a fucking deserter.” He drops the last sentence with more glee than necessary.
Nami’s mouth slides open, “He ditched?”
“Gone. Awol.” Usopp shrugs, still looking far too happy. “He disappeared, no one knows where he went because he’s sure as shit not on the island-”
“Jesus Christ, he didn’t come back for his son?” Nami frowns disbelievingly, “I don’t even know why I’m surprised. Have you seen the way they interact? I have never hated anyone more but it makes me feel bad. He will not stop thirsting for approval.”
“It’s genuinely painful to watch- Oh my god,” His eyes light up, “you know that time he was trying to start a fight, talked himself up for like, ten minutes, tried to bitch slap Luffy, point blank, missed and then got one tapped by that five foot nothing dude with pink hair?”
“Yes. Remember when we were kids and we were doing that family tree assignment and he was making fun of me, so we fucked with his poster and convinced him he was adopted too?”
“And then we bribed Zoro to try and welcome him to the club and he started crying?”
(In his thirteen-year-old self’s defence, he was offered ear piercings.)
They both crack up. Something to know about Nami and Usopp is you should never cross either of them. They might not try and physically fight you but you best believe they will tear down your reputation, expose you for shit you never thought would see the light of day, and depending on how much you fucked up, they can and will ruin your chances of getting employed or accepted into any colleges within the tri-state area.
They know everything about everyone and they do not try to hide it in the least. No one is safe either. It doesn’t matter if you’re a classmate, complete stranger, or someone respectable with an insane amount of influence, literally nothing can stop them.
He tries to block the two of them out but there are some people on the island that he genuinely can’t look in the eye anymore.
“No, I feel bad for him obviously-” Nami says once they both stop cackling.
Usopp nods, “Yeah, for sure, it must be super shitty and I kinda feel like it’s his parents' fault for the way he turned out. But, that’s not really an excuse to be that much of a dickhead.”
Nami nods vigorously. “Actually! Like, Luffy’s grandpa is a fucking vice admiral and Zoro lives in a castle-”
“It’s not a castle!” Zoro snaps.
“Sure it’s not, buddy.” Usopp dismissively waves a hand at him. “But you’re right, you don’t see them throwing it in everyone's face.”
“CHOPPER!”
He almost jumps out of his skin at Luffy’s yell, too caught up in Usopp and Nami’s conversation to realise they had arrived.
They pull up to the jetty out the back of Chopper’s house. He’s carefully loading a bunch of white plastic bags onto a boat, so wrapped up in what he’s doing he doesn’t notice them until they’re right in front of him.
“Hey Chopper!” Luffy calls, “We’re gonna go fishing, wanna come?”
His head snaps up, he carefully places the bags onto a table before hanging off the side of the railing to talk to them.
“I can’t. Kureha has some-” He stops himself, looks around and lowers his voice before continuing. “Uh, substances for me to… legally transport.”
“Chopper, it’s fine.” Zoro lounges back on the benches, “We truly couldn’t give less of a fuck if you’re Kureha’s drug mule.”
He squawks, “I’m not a drug-”
“I thought I heard screaming.” The old smuggler emerges from the back door, carrying a tower of precariously stacked parcels. “At least try to talk normally, I’d like not to get arrested today.”
“Hey, witch!” Luffy jumps up. “Can we borrow your son if we help move your drugs?”
“You’re lucky I tolerate you, kid.” She puts the tower of packages down on the table, “Oi Kermit, catch.”
She grabs a bag from the floor and hoists it over the railing, sending it flying towards Zoro.
His hand snaps out and grabs it before it can fall into the water. The glass bottles clinking inside tell him it’s a six-pack before he even has to look.
“Would it have killed you to be a bit more careful, hag?”
Nami shoots him a death stare, “Can you be polite for once in your life?!”
“But she called me-!” He points an accusatory finger at the woman, now leaning on the rails watching the scene unfold, a little too entertained.
Nami slaps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry about him, he’s emotionally stunted. We’re going fishing. Chopper, do you want to come?”
“Yeah! But-” He hesitates, looking at Kureha pleadingly.
“Alright, alright.” She folds. “Go on. You can do your chores tomorrow.
He breaks into a smile, slinging his backpack over his shoulders before rushing to the Merry, “Thank you!”
Zoro shakes his face away from Nami’s hand, who quickly turns on him. “Do I genuinely need to give you etiquette lessons?”
Chopper barely steps on when Luffy hurriedly yells, “THANKS, BYE!” and starts gunning it, like he’s scared Kureha could change her mind.
Zoro has to grab hold of Chopper’s arm so he doesn’t fall off the edge.
By the time Nami manages to wrestle the wheel from Luffy and take away his driving privileges again, they’re practically in the marsh.
Chopper retrieves a bottle opener from his neatly organised backpack, giving Zoro a small smile as he hands it over.
“Thanks for not letting me fall.”
“‘S fine, don’t worry about it.” He mumbles, pulling the cap off one of the beers.
“You know underage drinking is really bad.” Chopper says for the thousandth time.
Zoro, for the thousandth time, shrugs it off. “Well, thank god if my liver ever gives out I know there’s someone nearby who can fix me.”
He hides a grin as Chopper punches his arm and calls him an idiot, saying that flattery won’t work on him even though he’s smiling from ear to ear and completely forgets the topic.
There’s a smacking sound on the other side of the boat. “Stop trying to cook the worms! They’re for fishing, not snacks.”
Chopper’s head whips around, “What? You can’t use live worms as bait, that’s just cruel!”
He watches as the younger boy hurries over to Usopp and Luffy and starts scolding them.
Not to be dramatic but he would kill a bitch for Chopper.
He tunes out of the ensuing argument, he’s gotten so used to the constant fighting it’s become white noise for him, he can never be fully relaxed unless someone is yelling in the background. He’s contemplating whether or not to have a quick nap when Usopp steps over him, almost knocking the beer out of his hand.
“Hold on, I wasn’t serious. Be careful!” Chopper calls at Usopp’s back as he steps up onto the stern.
Zoro sits up, not quite sure what he missed but sensing it would be entertaining nonetheless.
“Don’t worry, Chopper.” Nami laughs, “He’s just living out his titanic fantasies.”
“Goddamn right I am,” Usopp yells over his shoulder. “Zoro get up here, come be my Jack!”
“Absolutely fucking not.”
“You’re so boring! Whatever, come on Luffy!”
His head snaps to attention when he hears his name “Okay!” he definitely doesn’t know what he’s agreeing to.
Not that it matters, Luffy doesn't even make it to his feet before Merry crashes into something below, jerking forward and catapulting Usopp, sending him flying before the engine gives out, stopping dead in her tracks.
Nami was hanging onto the steering wheel for dear life, she was jolted a little but only slightly messed up her hair. Chopper on the other hand, is lying unmoving, face down on the hull. Since he was already on the edge of his seat, ready to grab Usopp in case he lost his balance, he was thrown face-first into the floor.
Luffy’s back decided to snap itself in half. He fell right back on the bench, flat on his ass, then just kept going, catching himself in a backbend at the last second so now he’s doing a bridge over his seat, looking slightly dazed and very fucking confused but overall okay. Zoro hasn’t moved an inch, he’s gripping the edge with one hand, the other now empty as his smashed bottle of beer pools at his feet.
“Everyone alright?” Nami calls.
Luffy kicks his legs up into a handstand, then does a flip that defies all laws of gravity, somehow ending upright. He completely ignores the question, instead rushing to the front to scour the murky water for Usopp.
Chopper manages to produce a painful-sounding wheeze, sticking his thumb up nonetheless. Zoro continues staring disappointedly at the spilled booze, muttering a depressed -
“My beer.”
“I’ll take what I can get.” She sighs.
With a loud gasp and an unnecessary amount of flailing, Usopp breaks the surface.
“What- the fuck- was that.” He splutters in between fits of hacking up water.
“Probably a sandbank.” Nami winces, “The storm must’ve changed the current. Could you check Merry for damage?”
“Could you at least pretend to give a shit if I'm injured?”
Chopper’s head snaps up and he does a clearly excruciating commando crawl to the bow. “You’re injured?”
“Well, no. But-”
Chopper’s eyes catch on something in the water, “What’s that big thing under you?”
Usopp goes very still, all traces of blood and humour vanish from his face “What- WHat do you mean by that?”
“Whatever you’re swimming over. The big white thing.”
“Chopper you better be fucking with me. Please, dear god, tell me you’re fucking with me.”
“Just look down-”
Zoro didn’t believe flying was possible but he genuinely can’t think of another explanation of how Usopp got from treading water to heaving on the deck in two seconds flat.
“Holy shit.” He gasps, “My life- just flashed before my eyes. It- tried to kill me.”
“What?!” Chopper’s eyes practically fall out of his head, “Are you hurt? What was it?”
“I could feel it, must have been at least fifty feet. But don’t worry! I managed to fight it off.” He looks determinedly to the sky, like he’s genuinely accomplished something. “It was no match for the great-!“
“Hey Zoro, isn’t that the boat you said would be fine in the hurricane?” Luffy butts in, peering over the edge of the boat, oblivious to another ‘heroic’ rant he just saved them from.
Everyone moves to Luffy’s side with the exception of Usopp, who stands on his tiptoes and cranes his neck from a safe distance. Sure enough, a brand new, pristine white fishing boat is resting on the sand.
“Well shit.” Zoro mutters, “Yeah, it's the same-”
“You were outside in the hurricane?” Chopper frowns at them disbelievingly.
“Yup! We were surfing. A boat like that was out there too. Zoro said they’d be fine because they’re rich but-”
“Did he now?” Nami slowly turns on him.
Maybe he should have let the hurricane take him.
“Well, since Zoro knows everything, let's ask him why this ship sank. Is it because the driver wasn’t rich enough to steer properly, or is it because only morons go out onto the open sea during a cyclone?!”
“He was gonna go with or without me.” Zoro says, avoiding eye contact like his life depends on it.
Nami smacks him upside the head. “You were meant to keep an eye on him and not do anything stupid! Your idiot, your responsibility!”
He’s saved by Chopper pulling on his sleeve.
“I don’t like this.” He shakes his head nervously, “We should report it to the Coast Guard.”
Usopp steps forward, “Dude, I’m not willingly making myself an accessory to all this. Just let someone else run over it, not like it’ll take long.”
“We would be making ourselves accessories if we don’t report it!” Chopper exclaims, getting more antsy by the second.
“Or we could just pretend nothing happened. No interviews, no background checks, those of us who have sharp contraband objects displayed in a house that two residents aren’t legally allowed to live in aren’t put on their radar." He says, wildly gesticulating between himself and Zoro. "Chopper, I get it, but there’s a long list of stuff we do on a daily basis that could get us into shit. God forbid they figure out we were the ones who threw that huge party in one of Vinsmoke's auction houses where Ace got thrown through the wall.”
They sit in the rare silence that follows.
“...It’s too quiet.” Chopper's eyes flick between the three of them. “Where’s Luffy?”
The sentence hangs as everyone looks around, realising someone is in fact missing. Before anyone can start to panic Nami lets out a humourless laugh.
“There’s no goddamn way.” She mutters as she marches to the stern, picking up Luffy’s discarded shirt as she looks into the river, gaze hardening as she locks onto something. “Oh, that fucker.”
As everyone follows her example and looks into the river, the recognition is instant. A mop of dark hair contrasted against the fluorescent white of the boat is impossible to miss. He can’t tell if it’s the ship or water washing him out but Luffy looks a lot paler than usual.
“Is he moving?” Chopper’s voice wavers, “Why isn't he moving?”
“Shit, Zoro go!” Nami gives him a small shove.
He doesn’t need to be told twice. Zoro dives in, he’s never been an amazing swimmer but the way Luffy is starting to resemble a rag doll is enough motivation to reach the boat twice as fast as he usually would.
He grabs Luffy’s shoulders, turning him around much more forcefully than he should have. Luffy acts like this is completely ordinary behaviour. Despite looking lifeless a second ago, he grins at Zoro as he proudly shoves something in his face.
He’s almost blinded because of the light glinting off the object and the fact it’s not even two centimetres from his face. Zoro snatches it from him and his eyes adjust; he's finally able to make out the reason Luffy abandoned Merry with no warning and gave them all a heart attack.
A key. Nothing fancy, it’s silver and relatively small with a plastic yellow tag hanging off the keychain. He pockets it for later and begins to kick back to the surface, grabbing Luffy on the way past and disrupting the string of continuous backflips he was doing. He helpfully goes limp again, happy for Zoro to drag him along.
When they break the surface there’s a collective sigh of relief from their friends before they all start to yell.
“What the hell is wrong with you, you can’t just leave like that!” Nami explodes.
Usopp clutches at his chest. “At least give us a little warning. You looked like you were dead!”
“Why would you do that?!” Chopper exclaims shrilly, “You shouldn’t go into open water on your own, something really bad could have happened!”
“I found a key.” Luffy happily ignores every word they just said. “It was on a hook.”
“Of course you did.” Nami holds her hand out towards them, Zoro is grateful for a second before realising she wants the key.
He rummages through this pocket and passes it off to her before hauling himself and Luffy onto the Merry.
He pulls off his soaked shirt and begins to wring it out, listening to Luffy get chewed out by Usopp and Chopper. He knows he should be a lot more annoyed than he is, but at the end of the day Luffy’s going to do stupid shit whether they like it or not and at this point if his friend is alive it’s counted as a win. Doesn’t mean he’s not pissed off though.
He pushes himself to his feet, “Hey, Luffy.”
He turns around at just the right time so the sopping wet shirt Zoro pegged at him hits square in the face with a satisfying smacking noise, which echoes off the still water around them.
As Zoro walks past he pushes Luffy’s head, just enough to throw him off balance. “Don’t do that shit again.”
He steps past them to check if Nami has identified the key yet, leaving Usopp laughing hysterically as Luffy struggles to pry off the shirt that’s suctioned to his face.
“Do you know what it’s for?” Zoro asks as he sits beside her.
“I think so, do you see the numbers engraved at the top?” She holds it out for him to see, “It’s a room number, I’m pretty sure this is a motel key.”
“Uh huh, and what does this say?” He flicks the plastic tag.
Nami sighs. “That it’s the shithole on the south side.”
There is a wide variety of motels on the island, why someone with a boat worth that much would step within a kilometre (or mile, whatever) radius of The Island Resort he has no idea.
Its name does nothing to cover up the ridiculous amount of drug deals and car theft that happen on a regular basis.
His damp shirt is thrown back into his lap as the other three join them.
“The resort?” Luffy shakes his head like a dog, water from his hair flying in all directions. “Cool, let’s check it out!” He grins as everyone wipes themselves off and stares at him incredulously.
Nami looks astounded. “That might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”
“But it would be like an adventure!”
Nami’s hands begin to reach towards his neck, either to strangle or shake some sense into him, regardless, Luffy is blissfully unaware.
“What if the room had a whole bunch of treasure inside?”
She abruptly stops, thinking it over as if he’s just changed her perspective of the world. “I guess a quick detour couldn't hurt.”
“Or, and just hear me out for a second, we do none of that, throw that back into the water and never speak about it again?” Usopp suggests.
“But where’s the fun in that? C’mon Usopp. I know you wanna.” Luffy wiggles his eyebrows.
Based on previous experience, if Luffy’s already set his mind to it there’s no stopping him, Zoro honestly just wants to get this over with. “If we find a dead body or something we’ll call the police.”
“Oh, will you really Zoro? Well that makes me feel so much better about all this.” He says, Zoro’s partially surprised you can’t see the sarcasm dripping from his mouth. “Actually, why don’t we just go right now?”
Luffy perks up, “Really?”
“NO! Can you all use your brains for once? What happens if we walk in and they’re fully-“ he stops himself, throwing a glance at Luffy and Chopper before continuing, “uh- engaging in… sinful acts.“
Zoro raises an eyebrow, “Not a single person here was thinking that.”
“I’m just trying to be realistic!” Usopp raises his hands, “We have innocent eyes that shouldn’t be corrupted.”
“I know what sex is.” Chopper pipes up and is flat-out ignored.
“Look, all I'm saying is, I’m not gonna volunteer myself to go into a creepy motel room.”
Nami huffs, “You could have just said that. Now who is stupid enough to volunteer themselves?” Luffy’s hand shoots up. “Anyone else? … Great! So, Zoro and Luffy go in, the rest of us keep lookout while you two loot the motel room, then we’re all set!”
“Why am I always dragged along?” Zoro grumbles.
“Is that seriously the only thing you took away from that? This is a fucking felony, are you all crazy?” Usopp splutters, “We can’t just-”
Nami tilts her head at him. “Oh, sorry. Do you have something better to do?”
“More people that will put up with your bullshit?” Zoro chimes in helpfully.
“Other friends you can go hang out with?”
His eyes jump between the two of them for a solid ten seconds before his head sinks into his hands.
“...I hate you guys.”