Chapter Text
It was Chris. Of course Eddie’s phone rang mid-washing up. Of course it would ring while his hands were dripping wet. But it was Chris. It was Chris, trying to facetime Eddie. Buck, who’d just carried in the last few dishes from their dinner spotted the phone too. He stared for a second, then backed out the room, leaving Eddie in private with the ringing phone. Eddie scrambled to wipe soap of his fingers. He needed to answer the phone.
Shakily Eddie tapped his code into his phone. There he was, Eddie’s son. All in one piece, at least as far as Eddie could tell from what was in frame. A fourteen year old boy in his new bedroom, shuffled into the corner of his bed. This wasn’t an emergency call then. Good.
“Chris.”, Eddie exhaled. Speaking to Chris. That was releasing the breath he had held in since the disastrous birthday call. “Hi.”, mumbled Chris. Cold. Short. So Chris was still mad at him.
Eddie ventured into the dark. “Hey, buddy. I’m glad you called. You doing alright?”, he inquired softly. Chris’s eyes trailed off to some point beyond the screen. “I’m good.”, he mumbled, pulled the duvet over his legs. Eddie could tell something was up. Eddie could tell and it put him on edge. How should he go about asking. Eddie was afraid Chris would retreat again. He nervously rolled the seam of his dishtowel between his fingers.
“What’s up?”, Eddie pleaded again, softly. He knew he wasn’t allowed to ask, but seeing Chris struggle, so far away, that broke him. It broke him that he wasn’t allowed to know.
Finally, Christopher relented. “I wanted to talk to you about something, dad.”, Chris grimaced. “Of course. Anything, bud.” Eddie didn’t allow himself to let the worry rise to his voice. He’d always be strong for his son.
Eddie pulled a chair out from the counter, propped his phone up against a bottle of ketchup that he hadn’t tidied away yet. Eddie sat, so he’d be attentive to whatever Chris was about to tell him. Eddie was making an effort. This was all about listening to what Chris wanted. And whatever he was about to say, it would matter, Eddie could feel it.
He just couldn’t panic about it. He needed to be there for Chris. Listen to him. That’s what he had promised. “Okay.”, Chris said. But he didn’t immediately follow up. Eddie watched him pluck lint from his duvet cover. They stared at each other in silence. Two Diaz boys watching each other intently.
“I love you.”, Eddie said, because that was really all that mattered. Just for a second it looked like Chris was going to roll his eyes at him. The tiniest smile crept into his face, before he could remember to pull his mouth back into a teenage frown. Maybe they would be okay. Eddie did not dare to hope, exactly, but he felt like finally he’d said a good thing. He focused on that. Waited for Chris to continue at his own speed.
“Okay, so.”, Chris sighed, “I called you because we don’t keep secrets.” That too was a good sign, Eddie thought. But there was a little bit of bitterness to Chris’s statements, letting Eddie know, that he had broken Chris’s trust in that regard. “And I wanted to tell you myself. So you don’t hear it from abuela first.”, Chris added. Eddie nodded, calm on the outside. Yet his stomach was filled with acid, bubbling acid. He could feel it rise into his throat. Eddie swallowed. He nodded again, making sure Chris knew he was listening, that he could continue with whatever he wanted to say.
“Abuela told you I made new friends, right?” Chris looked off into the distance again. Eddie was nodding so much nodding. Agreeing to whatever Chris wanted. Whatever he needed. “Yeah, she told me.”, Eddie said, “They are treating you nice, right?” Yes, he wanted Chris back. He missed him every day. But he didn’t want him to flee Texas because he was lonely or he was being bullied at school. He wanted Chris to come back because they had put their conflict aside.
Surprisingly Eddie asking if his friends were treating him well made Chris chuckle. It was only like a half chuckle, still fighting to keep his stoic persona. But Eddie could tell. There was some joke that Eddie didn’t quite get yet. Maybe he’d learn why that made Chris laugh. Maybe his cheery son was coming back to him. “My friends are nice, dad. Stop worrying.” Chris adjusted his glasses, he half laughed again. “Well. Especially one of them. Izzy’s very nice to me.”
There was something in Chris’s voice now. Eddie could tell they were reaching the point of this call. He didn’t want to interrupt. Eddie tried to listen to his boy, but he himself was still an anxious kid. He wasn’t ready for Chris to tell him he’d made new friends in Texas and didn’t want to come back home. That Chris was happier with his grandparents. The words slipped his mouth before he could stop himself. “You’re staying.”, Eddie sighed, “You want to stay in Texas. With your new friends.” What was more cruel than having to discover that someone doesn’t miss you as much as you miss them? Eddie remembered how comforting it had been last time. That though they’d been apart they had both missed each other.
Chris stared at him. For a second Eddie thought the call had frozen again. “What?”, Chris exclaimed, then shook his head. “Dad, no.”
A knot inside of Eddie’s stomach released. He could feel his fingernails, dug into his palm, his feet against the kitchen floor. Eddie was brought back to Earth when Chris corrected: “I mean, I don’t know. I’m not coming back yet.” Eddie wasn’t fully forgiven yet. Of course he wasn’t. But he’d take a small win. Run through the entire phone call with the entire 118. First with Buck than with everyone in excruciating detail. What did it mean? When was his son coming home? Just not with Gerrard, maybe.
He inhaled. It smelled like dish soap. “Okay.”, Eddie said, “Sorry, I interrupted. You were telling me about your new friends.” Chris pulled his knees up to his chin. “I was telling you about Izzy.”, he corrected. Eddie couldn’t place why this particular friend mattered. He replied: “Yeah, alright. Izzy.”, anyway. He would show how much he cared, because he did care. Chris just had to see that too. “What about Izzy, bud? He’s a nice friend?” Chris huffed. Then he seemed to kind of smile. He reseted his chin on his knees, tilted his head a little and smiled a crooked, maybe nervous smile. “Dad…”, Chris sighed, “Izzy’s my boyfriend.”
Oh. Eddie’s knee bumped into the table. His phone slipped from its improvised ketchup stand. Eddie cursed as the phone tumbled to the floor. “That’s great!”, he shouted quickly, hoping Chris could hear him while he scrambled under the table for his phone. For a moment he felt disoriented. Then he felt very silly for how surprised he was. “I mean.”, Eddie hustled to say the right things, “That’s okay. I love you. Thanks for telling me.” That were the right things to say, he thought. And of course he meant them. But Chris also knew that. He knew it was fine. Eddie hoped. Well, either way he’d said the. And it was true. He loved Chris no matter what. He just wanted him to be happy.
He managed to prop his phone back up. Chris on the screen readjusted his glasses again, watching his flustered dad. Eddie let out a nervous chuckle. “Wow. Chris. I didn’t expect this.” Chris was very good at rolling his eyes. He must have learned that from Buck. “Yeah. I can tell.” Teenagers with their constant snark. But it was a good sign that Chris was joking with him again.
“You said he’s nice?”, Eddie inquired, once he caught himself again. “Yeah.”, Chris deadpanned. Eddie smiled at him encouragingly. “So. Izzy. Do I get to know anything else about your boyfriend? You met him at the pool club?” Chris regarded him cooly. He hesitated, deciding how much more he would allow Eddie to know “No.”, Chris said. Eddie wasn’t sure if that was a ‘No, you don’t get to know anything else or a ‘No, we didn’t meet at pool club.’ He waited for Chris’s judgement. “He lives down the street.”, Chris relented, “His sister’s in my class.”
Eddie regarded his son on his small phone screen, cuddled up in bed. When Chris had been small they had often talked while Eddie tucked him into bed. They’d talk about the day, Eddie would read him a story. Chris really wasn’t small anymore.
“The boy next door, huh?”, Eddie smiled. Eddie remembered the street that he had grown up in. He’d been friends with the kids that lived on his street, too. They’d spent the summers together, all the kids from the cul-de-sac. He hoped Chris was having that kind of fun too. Well, Chris’s kind of fun anyway. Chris wouldn’t go riding bikes and climbing trees. But his son was good at finding stuff to do anyway. Maybe he’d finally go play outside, or maybe he was hiding away in his grandparents’ basement playing video games with Izzy.
Eddie and Chris chatted a bit more about Izzy. Izzy was 14, like his twin sister Gianna, but he was doing homeschooling this year, so no classes together. “He’s super smart. But he was in a car accident a few months ago. So he didn’t finish last school year.”, Chris filled Eddie in. It was nice, still stilted, somehow, but Chris seemed to have melted a little. That Izzy guy was important to Chris, Eddie could tell. It was disorienting to learn about this person that was a stranger to Eddie but significant to the person most significant to him.
Eddie got to see a picture after a little bit of begging. He craved information, needed context. Eddie felt as though he was learning so much about his son, that he had never known. It was a privilege, he realized. He wanted to cry, but didn’t, because it would confuse Chris.
In the photo Chris was smiling, leaning against a boy’s shoulder. They looked so grown up, thought Eddie, swallowed the fear that he was missing out on his son’s childhood. Chris swiped, pointed another photo at the camera. Izzy was tall for his age, dark brown curls sticking out from under a cowboy hat. Very Texan. Apparently, he even rode horses. At least he used to, not right now. The boy’s left foot disappeared in a large white cast.
Another photo. Two kids with crutches at the pool club. “So, you did hang out at the pool club.”, Eddie dared to joke. “Abuela asked and he didn’t want to say no to her.”, Chris smiled, “Even though he isn’t allowed in the water with his leg.”
Eddie felt so relieved, seeing that Chris really was doing fine. Yes, his parents had said so, but he hadn’t exactly trusted them. “Hanging out at a pool all day even though you can’t go in the water… I guess Izzy really likes you, huh?” Chris let out an exasperated “Daaaaaaad.” at that. But Eddie could see him blushing.
“And you like him too?”, Eddie double checked. Parents were allowed to ask annoying questions, Eddie thought. He’d never be the coolest dad. He just tried. “Yeah, dad. That’s why we are dating.”, Chris mumbled. Eddie watched his son on the screen again.
“So…”, he started another annoying question, “You’re gay? Or bi?” Maybe he wasn’t supposed to ask it. But Chris hadn’t clarified, and he wanted to know his son. “Bi, dad. Remember I had girlfriends.” Oh, Eddie remembered. But even so… “Just checking.”, Eddie smiled softly. Chris shrugged: “Okay.” They watched each other again for a few seconds. Parenting required you to learn something new every single day. Eddie knew that. How had that baby that he had left behind with Shannon turned into a fully independent and conscious human being? When had that happened? Eddie hadn’t payed attention. He continued to ask his questions: “How long… have you known?” Chris just shrugged again. “A while, I guess.” This made Eddie swallow. Had he done enough? He was afraid to ask the next question but knew he had to: “Before Texas?” “Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie tried not to feel hurt, that Chris had left him in the dark about this discovery so far “You know it’s fine.”, he added. Chris paused, then nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t want to make a thing out of it though.”, he mumbled, “It wasn’t urgent. And I didn’t have a boyfriend. So I had nothing to tell.” “You can tell me, though. I’m always interested to know more about you, bud.”, Eddie whispered softly, “You’re my son.” No 14-year-old would have known what to do with that sentence. Neither did Chris. “Okay.”, said Chris.
“I’m happy for you. Izzy sounds great”, Eddie encouraged. He could see the hesitation, the decision-making process, to determine if Chris was going to acknowledge that. Raising a teenager felt like playing 3D chess. Eddie sucked at chess. He didn’t allow himself to wish Shannon was here. So he didn’t wish Shannon was here. But he’d value Buck’s input later.
Chris finally shared the next sentence with his dad. How glad Eddie was that he did: “I am happy, too.” It meant everything. They would be fine, Eddie thought for the first time in months. It would be a long road home from Texas but they’d done the first steps.
With this confidence Eddie had one more annoying parent duty to fulfill: “You know, if you have any questions, I can have Buck or Tommy call you. I know we kind of glossed over this when we had The Talk, which is my mistake for making assumptions-“ “Dad!”, Christopher interrupted loudly, “Shut up. I’m going to hang up.”
To his own surprise, Eddie realized Chris didn’t mean that. He stayed on the phone with him.
Eddie continued his interview. “Can I tell Buck?”, he asked, “Or is it a secret?” Chris thought about that. “You can tell Buck.”, he relented, “But don’t tell Abuela and Abuelo yet.” This disturbed Eddie. “Chris, they don’t know?” Chris shook his head.
Eddie realized that maybe Chris hadn’t had anyone to share this with. Chris and him hadn’t talked in months. And Izzy and Christopher had been officially dating for three weeks. No one else but Eddie and Gianna knew. It made Eddie sad. “For what it’s worth I think Abuela suspects. But you know how Abuelo is.”, Chris mumbled. Eddie did know.
“Chris”, Eddie tried, “I don’t want you to have to sneak around.” He didn’t hit the right words this time. Chris got defensive. “We’re not sneaking around.” Secret relationships were a sore topic. Eddie grimaced. “Chris, listen. I just mean… If they make any trouble for you…” “I’m fine.”, Chris interrupted.
Chris didn’t know Helena and Ramon Diaz the way that Eddie did. Eddie wanted to give him space. As long as they agreed on the fundamentals. “If they make any trouble for you: Say a word and I’m coming. Or you can come back.”, Eddie exhaled, then quickly added: “Or I’m sending Buck if you don’t want me there. Just say the word.” Chris mumbled a half-hearted: “I know, dad.” At least he’d listened. “Okay.” “Thanks though.”, Chris added after a moment. ‘Of course’, Eddie wanted to shout, ‘Of course Chris, whatever you need.’ Instead, he just nodded his head. Chris knew Eddie cared. They could move on.
“For what it’s worth I think Buck is going to be thrilled.”, Eddie grinned. The mention of Buck softened Chris’s demeanor further. “Yeah?” Eddie never fully understood the connection between his son and his friend. But he also didn’t understand his own connection with Buck. Buck was just so easy to like. That man was so full of love. “He loves everything you two have in common.” Eddie said it casually. Like the fundamental truth about the universe it was. “I’ll call him.”, Chris realized. Eddie nodded vigorously at that. That could only be good for all of them. “He’s actually here.”, he told Chris, “Want me to call him over?”
But Chris shook his head. “I’ve answered enough questions about Izzy today.” Eddie nodded in acknowledgement. Fair enough, kid.
Chris shuffled his legs out from under his blanket. “Listen, dad. I have to go.” Eddie’s heart sank a little. But they should finish while Eddie was ahead. This call had gone significantly better than any of their previous ones since Chris had left. “Oh. Okay.”, Eddie sighed, “Love you, bud. Call soon okay?” “Uh huh. Sure.”, Chris grumbled, remembering that he was supposed to be mad at his dad. They were working on it.
Eddie stared at his reflection in his now black phone screen. Without the scrutiny of Chris’s eyes on him he felt all the emotion of the call sink in. He focused on his breathing. So his son had a boyfriend. Eddie’s fears were coming true. He was missing out on it.
Eddie had sworn that he’d never miss another of Chris’s firsts, but here he was, missing Christopher’s first queer relationship. He hated himself for getting himself into that situation. But he also knew Buck and Bobby would get mad at him for leaning into that self hatred. Sometimes it was easier to be kind to yourself for the benefit of others.
Also, who could have guessed? Chris had been such a player, with the girls, just a few months ago. Then again maybe that was just Eddie being presumptuous. He’d been right. Chris was so much like Buck. Maybe it should concern him, but Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to be worried about that. Buck and Chris. His favorite boys, he realized.
Just as if he had felt he was being thought about Buck poked his head back into the kitchen. “Chris hung up?”, Buck inquired. Okay, so maybe the silence, not his mind reading powers had summoned Buck. He knew Eddie would never voluntarily let his son go.
“Yeah. But it was good though.”, Eddie sighed. Buck reached out for Eddie, who leaned into the touch. “You talked for a while.”, Buck remarked, while he rubbed the stress out of Eddie’s shoulder. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”, Eddie said even though he knew Buck hadn’t meant that.
They shared their space for a moment longer. What was personal space to them anyway? After all these years? “You’ll never guess what Chris told me.”, Eddie finally grinned. He hadn’t realized how much he was looking forward to telling Buck about this. But first, he’d need to manage expectations.
“He comin’ home?” Eddie could hear the hope in Buck’s voice. That man missed his son so much too. Eddie would never be able to articulate how much that meant to him. Buck and he just were on the same wavelength. “Not yet.”, Eddie sighed, “I told you, you won’t guess.” “Just tell me, Eddie.”, Buck resigned.
He pulled the dishtowel from Eddie’s grasp. Eddie hadn’t noticed he was still clutching it. Without further comment Buck started drying off the dishes that Eddie had left half done. Just two steps away from Eddie suddenly felt like a too large distance between them. “Well?”, Buck pushed.
“Christopher has a boyfriend.”, Eddie revealed. He delighted in watching Buck’s eyes go big, his mouth fall open in shock. They grinned at each other. Suddenly they were both giggling. “Dang. I owe Hen five dollars…”, Buck mumbled. Eddie slipped out of his chair. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You’re betting on my son?” Eddie got proof that Chris and Buck rolled their eyes the same way. “No. Basically she said we’d have someone else come out before the end of the year. I betted against her.”, Buck explained, “I mean there aren’t even that many straight people left in our circle. You’re becoming a rarity, Diaz.” He playfully slapped in Eddie’s direction with the towel, then threw it over his shoulder to fish the rest of the plates and cups out the sink.
“So, Chris has a boyfriend.”, Buck considered. “How’d your son end up with so much pull? You’re a disaster when it comes to love.”, he teased. “He gets it from you.”, Eddie teased right back. Buck seemed to take it as a compliment. He shrugged and grinned his stupid grin.
“His name is Izzy. Tall kid. From down the street. Wears Cowboy hats.”, Eddie filled Buck in on the details. Buck listened intently as he made quick work of the chores. He even swooped in to tidy away the ketchup before Eddie could find it in him to lift a finger. Having Buck in his space felt so natural. “You gonna stay the night?”, Eddie asked Buck. Buck hesitated. Eddie wondered if he had plans with Tommy. “You don’t have to.”, Eddie assured him. “I think I’ll head home tonight. Sorry Eds.”, Buck sighed. Eddie understood. But he was jealous too. They finished the kitchen and moved to the hallway where Buck slipped into his boots and jacket.
“Hey. Don’t tell Hen, yet.”, Eddie clarified, “I want Chris to be able to decide how he tells his story.”, Buck nodded. “Hen will tell Chim, Chim will tell Maddie and probably everyone else. I know the drill.”, he chuckled in agreement. They trusted each other. They hugged goodbye. “If he hurts Chris I am flying to Texas.”, Buck mumbled, his arms wrapped protectively about Eddie. He’d chase Eddie there, Eddie realized.