Work Text:
"Love you."
Words are the easiest for you to deal with. When you actually take the time to think, you’re capable of forming them more thoroughly, more *meaningfully* without rushing. Numbers, not so much. Calculations? You’d rather give up entirely.
To you, "i love you's" are easy to say. Just three words, and it didn't matter how much you meant it. It didn't matter how heavy the weight of the syllables are because at the end of the day, it's just a sentence. Required no effort at all, a formality of some sort, an established norm. You say it to your family, your friends, your relatives, strangers on the internet you’ll never get to meet.
Actually showing it however, is a different story wholly.
"I love you, too."
When Kento says it, it's genuine, sprinkled in with fondness and that hard to miss change of tone directed at you. And you know it's genuine because Kento doesn't say things unless he really means it. It makes every word coming out of his mouth all the more precious. Your stomach still tightens with butterflies just reminiscing the very first time he had uttered it.
To be fair, he's a more action than words kind of guy. His i love you's are silent, hugs, kisses and little gifts when he's unafraid to prove it. Kento cooks heart shaped pancakes when he feels like it, sometimes.
Sometimes, you wish you could be the same. It's funny, really, wanting to hate saying I love you to someone else. The idea of reserving it only for those who deserve it leaves an ache that's hard to ignore. The fact that Kento has heard you say i love you before, and he's been the receiver of it back then when the two of you were still friends, pining after each other, it pains you. You had said it, but he stared at you and proceeded unfazed by it. Sometimes, you wonder what it's like to not wear a heart on a sleeve.
Really, what difference does it make to the I love you now? That he says it back?
Kento understood, he always did. He told you it was alright when you vaguely brought up the topic after dinner. He kissed your forehead and went back to fiddling with the pages of his book, but the atmosphere was heavy with the weight of a silent i love you.
You try harder these days because of it, deciding to do the simple things. You know Kento loves the little things. Like now, helping him bake a sweet treat. It's infuriating to mess up, even when he's patient in his guidance. You carry on, however, swatting Kento’s hand away when he insists on doing it all by himself.
"It's a nice change to bake beside you instead of gawking." You attempt to humor.
"Well, I sure am grateful for my assistant." He stares fixated out the window. You feel your heart clench at his side profile.
"You know I'm in love with you, right?"
"Hm?" He's surprised at the suddenness of the question. "Of course," He pauses, gaze sharpening, "What's this about?"
You don’t like this at all, never did. Emotions took over as the driver. You overthink and overthink until your mind explodes in the passenger seat, until you have to bring the issue up again even after you’ve turned that lane already.
"Just reminding you." You laugh when met with a soft groan. As you tilt your head back, the ceiling sways in your vision, and Kento catches you just in time to notice the slick path of a tear.
Seriously?
Your grip tightens around him, a plea of forgiveness perhaps for destroying such a beautiful morning with foolishness, unable to even do a simple thing like helping out with baking. Rushing, as always. Heading first into the battlefield before thinking, failing and never trying again.
"My love, what's wrong?"
A guttural sound leaves your throat at the endearment, rooted from Kento’s way of comforting. You’re against his collarbone, muttering out "I love yous" that never seems right nor meaningful enough no matter how many times you repeat it. Kento is quiet, thankfully, and soothingly rubs your back up and down.
"Is this a new trend I’m missing out on?" He tries to joke, lighten the mood, and it always works. You smile through weeps and stop repeating words that have lost value.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be."
"Why not?"
"You're sad, sweetheart. You shouldn't be sorry for being sad." Warmth clasps your cheek, and a finger darts back and forth to wipe incoming tears. Blood starts rushing to your ears at the gentleness alongside the firm grip around your waistline. "Are you alright now?"
"I... I think so..."
"Great, let's clean up before we talk about it."
"Understanding as always." You smile at his comforting chuckle while reluctantly separating from the warmth that never seems to leave him.
--
The two of you are on the couch after breakfast, basking in each other's warmth. It's a weekend routine to spend as much time as possible with each other after all, considering Kento’s tight schedule. You take turns deciding what to do for the day. Much to his surprise, you answer with a quick 'nothing', but he knows exactly what that entails.
Using a large hand on the small of your back, Kento rubs circles against the fabric of your clothes as he asks what's been on his mind since early morning.
"So... are you comfortable talking about it now?" His voice is soft, but it doesn't help calm your increasing nerves.
"Mhm... I guess I am."
You muffle an exasperated sigh on the firmness of his chest. Kento is well built because of sorcery, but underneath that well-dressed suit and tie is a litter of dried scars from his line of work. It's something that you had grown accustomed to the point you barely ogle anymore, but on lazy days, he lets you trace the worst of them as he recounts stories. He adds embellished details to make you smile. He always gives without expecting anything in return.
It's another thing you fear, that one of these days Kento would meet another person interesting enough for him to look back on your stumbles, like earlier today. That he'd realize how undeserving you are of being spoiled in his arms. The thought is ridiculous retrospectively, knowing that loyalty is embedded in Kento's heart. In self-sabotage, you imagine him saying I love you to someone else, and your tiny resolve to explain turns into a teardrop absorbed immediately by white fabric.
Kento notices before you do, and he shifts positions so that the two of you are lying down instead of sitting up. Your entire body is draped across his own, tensing when your chests press together. Close like this, you could hear the drumming of your heartbeats gradually synchronizing with each other. You rest your ear directly above where his heart would be.
Upon hearing the rhythm, you relax and feel Kento wring his hands comfortably on your waist.
"Thanks for letting me bake with you. I enjoyed it, even though I kept measuring the ingredients wrong."
"Mhm, of course. You're long overdue baking lessons, sweetheart." You laugh at that.
"Oh... You're too good for me, Ken."
"...Do you really think that?"
"Yeah... I'm sorry, I know you don't like it when I doubt myself."
He sighs softly, "Is this related to what happened earlier?"
You nod, ashamed to say more. He kisses the crown of your head in response.
"What brought this on?"
"Well, you know... I feel like... you do so much and I do the opposite. When you take a step forward, I take two steps back. That kind of thing, and well, I don't want that of course."
You pause to cup his cheek with a trembling hand, "You deserve the best, Kento. Sometimes, I think I give so little to you, and eventually you'll... start to want what I don't have." It's a delicate confession.
Kento stays silent. It's only when you remove your hand does he speak and maneuver you two in a sitting position. You’re terrified to look at his expression and see what’s brimming on the surface of a gentle face.
"Yet I'm content like this." He whispers into your ear. "Content with you by my side. I won't ask for anything else when you're everything I'll ever need."
You burrow your face against his shoulder after hearing such a proclamation. Kento could never grasp the overwhelming power he has over words, and you know it’s better that way. You’d dive into deep water if he ordered.
"But still I want to do better, Kento."
"Then do that, but never say you're not enough for me when you are."
He parts to stare at your eyes. You find his gaze and involuntarily frown at the sternness of his expression. "Are... you mad?" Kento's sharp expression softens, shaking his head and pressing your head back against his chest.
"I'm not mad. Just upset. You've been feeling this way for a while, haven't you?"
"Yeah... I felt courageous enough to bring it up today."
"Then, I want you to bake with me later."
"Hmm?"
"You said you'll do better right? Join me in the kitchen again later. I'll teach you."
A familiar warmth blossoms in your chest, the kind that appears after Kento makes it well known that he cares as much as he loves. You smile at him in delight at his understanding.
"I'll prove myself, watch me.”
He smiles back at that and ghosts your lips with his, "You already have, my love. This will just be a bonus for me. I love you. I love you so much."
And for the first time in a long while, you say it back without any doubt crashing into you. How freeing it is to love someone like Nanami Kento, and how lucky you are to be loved likewise.