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The little house on the island was aglow with candlelight. It was a beacon. Stede felt safe before he even stepped inside.
Things have been hard recently. There’s the whole uprooting his life to become a pirate thing. And now this: displaced through some kind of magic. Or, alternatively, drugged and tossed overboard by his crew. Neither sound great.
Stede trudges through the sand up to the little house and knocks on the door. Nothing. No footsteps. Just a faint wailing. Like one might imagine while reading a ghost story.
Great. Mutinied and now he’s got a ghost to deal with.
He cracks open the door and steps inside. “Um. Hello!” He calls. “Are you having a ghost problem?”
A pause in the wailing, like the ghost is considering what to do. Stede didn’t know he had such power over paranormal forces!
“Uh,” the ghost says from the other room. “Sorry. No ghosts.” And the most beautiful man Stede has ever seen walks out from the other room, draped in silk.
“Just… you. Uh.” The most beautiful man Stede has ever seen goes pale. “Stede?” he calls.
“How do you know my—“
And next to the most beautiful man is Stede. Well. A Stede. Not him Stede. Certainly. Him Stede wouldn’t grow such a horrific beard.
“Hm,” Other Stede says.
“That’s you, right? You don’t have, like, a twin brother?”
“No, that’s me,” Other Stede says, considering. He’s dressed scantily. Just a pair of short pants and what looks like a bite mark on his neck. Stede would never wear that. Or, rather, he’s never been given the opportunity to. “Most certainly me.”
“You’re certainly me, I should think.”
“Well, this is my house. So. I should think you’re me.”
“God, this sucks,” Beautiful Man says. “How about we say you’re both each other and move on. Are you okay?”
A beat. Then Stede realizes he’s talking to him. “Oh, me? I’m fine.” Then Stede realizes that he’s very lightheaded and promptly loses consciousness.
“He’s waking up,” Stede hears himself say as he wakes up. Kind of odd to announce oneself that way.
“I mean, I’m waking up,” Stede corrects himself.
“Pfft,” someone laughs.
“You weren’t talking. That was me,” his own voice replies bitchily.
Stede opens his eyes to see Beautiful Man and Himself With Ugly Beard staring down at him.
“You passed out,” BM (maybe not the best acronym) says, eyes sparkling. “We tried to catch you but you went down too fast. You kind of hit your head on our front desk. But you’re not bleeding.”
“That’s good,” Stede says, drowning in BM’s BEs (Beautiful Eyes).
“I’m Ed,” BM puts his hand out. “Stede, er, you, uh, he,” he tilts his head back toward Other Stede, “told me I should introduce myself when you wake up. Since you don’t know me yet.”
Stede takes Ed’s hand in his and shakes it. It’s rougher than his, but still soft. Like he moisturizes daily. That’s nice. Stede brings his hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles.
“I think he’s concussed,” Other Him says.
“Oh, I think he’s just being sweet,” Ed says, pressing his palm to Stede’s cheek. “You’re not concussed, are you?”
“Maybe,” Stede says. “I haven’t been concussed in a while. I don’t remember what it’s like.”
“Not really something you forget,” himself says, clearly annoyed.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh, no, sweetie, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Ed coos.
“Stop treating him like a puppy,” Bearded Stede whines.
“He is a puppy,” Ed argues. “Look at him. He hasn’t even killed anyone yet.”
“Yet?” Stede chimes in.
“You blueballed him,” Ed explains. “Fuckin’ indigo, those things are.”
“Huh?”
Bearded Stede rolls his eyes, crosses his arms. His cheeks go pink. Stede stares at him, unable to make the wires in his brain connect.
Ed looks to Other Stede. “I don’t know what to say. He’s so innocent. I can’t believe he made two babies.”
Stede With Beard’s (SWB) nose wrinkles. “He’s not innocent. He’s just flustered.”
“Why? Oh, because of me? Oh, that’s so cuuuute,” Ed squeaks. “This is awesome. I mean other you was fucking me and you walked in and interrupted.”
“I was,” Stede attempts, brain logged off.
“Should I have been gentler?” Ed looks to Other Stede. “We were making love,” he shrugs.
“We were,” Stede tries again.
And Stede always knew in theory that he was attracted to men. Theory is different from practice.
Ed puts his hands on Stede’s face. “You’re okay. And you’re gay. And both things can be true.”
“Okay,” Stede says.
“Good, now that we’ve got that covered. How about we all go back to bed and make some magic?” Ed says with a wink wink nudge nudge motion.
“I’m not doing that with him,” SWB says, nose turned up.
“Oh, come on. You’re really gonna deny the love of your life the opportunity to get fucked by two of you?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” Stede says.
Ed turns back to him. “Oh.”
“I mean I am.”
“Oh?”
“But. I’ll just need a lot of help.”
“Oh.”
“And I don’t want to be a burden.”
“Oh! So this is a self confidence thing. For both of you.”
“No,” SWB says just as Stede says “yes.”
“Well. Come on. Let’s go.” Ed puts out a hand to Stede. Stede takes it and stands when Ed pulls him forward. Then Ed puts a hand out for SWB.
SWB stares at it.
“I’m gonna fuck this you even if you don’t come along, soooo…”
SWB takes his hand. “Fine.”
“Yay!”
The three of them walk into the other room. There’s a nicely sized bed in the center, the room candlelit, the sheets mussed as if they were just the setting for some vigorous activity. Stede feels his mouth go dry.
“Okay,” Ed says, dropping their hands to clap his. “Who gets what hole?”
“What?”
SWB sighs.
“Hey. Lighten the fuck up, babe,” Ed says joyfully. “This is supposed to be fun. Imagine how happy I’m going to be in a Stede Sandwich.”
SWB cracks a smile. It looks good on him.
“Okay. I say you,” Ed points at him, “get my cunt. Because you’ve fucked one before.”
“Okay,” Stede peeps, feeling like he’s about to wake up any minute.
“Okay. I’m not going to undress you because I’m bad with all those little buttons. You,” Ed points at SWB. “Undress him.”
SWB looks at Ed as if he’s betrayed him.
“Come on, it’s just like undressing yourself.”
“Is it the lack of beard?” Stede chirps.
“What?” SWB says.
“Yeah, what?” Ed says.
“Do you not like me because I don’t have a beard?”
Ed smiles. SWB frowns.
“No. Why would it be - It’s just that. You’re.”
“Talk it through,” Stede says encouragingly.
SWB’s face screws up. “I feel like I lost part of me. The you part. Somewhere along the way.”
“I don’t think you have,” Ed says, nudging Stede’s shoulder with his nose. “I see him in you all the time.”
“What parts of me?”
“I don’t know,” SWB tilts his head to the side. “You seem so carefree, I suppose.”
“But I’m not,” Stede reminds him. “I’m actually care-full. Full of cares. I care about everything. Constantly caring. Remember?”
SWB purses his lips. “I think I need to shave.”
Ed looks back and forth between the two of them. “Well, there’s an idea. Maybe we save that until tomorrow, though? So we don’t get confused?”
SWB (soon to be SW/OB) snorts. He turns to Ed and kisses him. Stede feels every nerve ending in his body light up. He’s going to get to do that too.
Ed pulls back and kisses Stede. (Wow.) Then he pulls back and presses the two of them toward one another.
“Ed,” SWB says, cringing back.
“Come on. Just once. For me?”
Stede, who would instantly do anything for Ed, leans in. SWB, who must feel the same, takes a deep, heaving breath and leans in too. They meet in the middle. It’s weird. They move to pull back.
“No no no!” Ed exclaims. “More. Please?”
SWB brings a hand to Stede’s face and tilts him a little, really gets their lips situated together. Stede lets out a surprised squeak.
“This is so fucking cool,” Ed says, voice low. “Okay. Strip. Both of you.”
Before long there are two naked Stedes in the room. Stede carefully ignores all the extra scars that SWB has, the added muscle. Well, he appreciates that part. He looks good.
“Stede without beard, on the bed on your back.”
Stede scrabbles onto the bed, lies back on the bed, cock at attention.
“Alright, I’m just gonna—“ Ed climbs up and straddles Stede, starts to sink down on his cock. Stede’s hands fly to Ed’s hips. “Fuck, that’s good. Stede—“ Ed says, reaching back for SWB.
“Yes, sweet?”
“Your fingers, please."
SWB procures a vial of oil from their bedside table and uses it to slick up his fingers, which he slips one by one into Ed’s ass.
“Shiiit,” Ed hisses. “So full. I’m gonna be so fucking— daddy,” he gasps.
So daddy?
“Daddy’s here, darling,” his own voice says.
Stede’s vision goes white. He has to carefully think of the rowboat incident until he’s not right on the precipice.
When Stede returns to himself he’s greeted by pressure against his cock from inside Ed’s body. That’s SWB’s cock pressing into his ass. Ed cries out as he fully seats himself inside.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” he mumbles. “Oh fuck.”
“You’re okay,” SWB says. “Tell him he’s okay.”
“You’re okay,” Stede mumbles, pulling Ed down for a kiss. “You’re good.”
“I try,” Ed says tearily.
“You are. You’re great.”
“Nn,” Ed warbles. “Can you both. Just. Slow.”
They both fuck him, hips moving so slow it’s like they’re barely moving at all. There’s just the drag of the two of them inside of Ed, over and over again until Ed is twitching atop them.
“Uhhhnn,” Ed keeps up a low drone. The ghost sound from earlier.
SWB wraps an arm around Ed’s chest as he gets closer. “Aren’t you greedy?”
“Daddy,” Ed peeps.
“Which one of us are you talking to, angel?” SWB asks.
“You. Him. Both, both of you, you’re both—“ SWB’s hand moves down to rub at Ed’s cock. “Ohh. My god. I’m so close, I’m so—“
Ed bends forward, coming around the two of them. SWB grunts, pushing him forward onto Stede and coming inside him.
“Hey,” Ed whispers to Stede. Stede blinks up at him. “Fuck me, daddy.”
Stede’s breath catches in his throat, and then it’s one, two, three thrusts and he’s coming inside Ed too.
“Okay,” Ed says through harsh breaths as he comes down. “I need help getting up.”
Both Stedes put hands on him, pulling him up and off their softening cocks, placing him next to Stede on the mattress. Stede scoots over so Ed is in the center of the mattress, so SWB can cuddle up alongside him.
“Good, huh?”
Stede nods wordlessly.
“You’re always right,” SWB says sweetly, kissing Ed on the shoulder.
“I am always right. You should both always listen to me.”
“I will,” Stede says. “Once I meet you.”
“Mm,” Ed hums. “You will. Soon. Once you grow your sideburns in.”
“Oh, I have sideburns when I meet you?”
“Yep. Big bushy ones. Proper piratey.”
“So you’re a pirate too? Are you on my crew?”
SWB snorts.
“Something like that,” Ed sighs.
“I’m going to miss you until I find you,” Stede says, honestly.
“That’s sweet.” Ed pokes his nose. “You’re sweet. You’ll find me. Or, I’ll find you. It’ll be perfect.”
“Perfect is an interesting word,” SWB chimes in.
“It was perfect for me,” Ed coos. “Swinging in all dramatic, seeing you for the first time, all happy to see me.”
“You did save my life.”
“Literally or metaphorically?” Stede asks nervously.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. It’ll all work out,” Ed says, kissing Stede’s shoulder. “Look at us now. Innkeepers.”
“Is that what you are? Do you have a lot of guests?”
“Mm,” Ed hums noncommittally. “It all works out.”