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It was an early, tranquil morning when Miri decided to turn their world upside down.
The three of them were having breakfast in their private kitchen, enjoying the morning breeze coming through the opened window, smelling of grass and sea salt. Birds were singing in the bushes, and Rei wondered if Kiwi was once more out of his cage; he wouldn't be surprised.
Rei looked outside while he chewed on his cereals. Still a little sleepy, he watched the palm trees slightly shift in the wind and the distant waves roll onto the shore. The clinking of cutlery and the dull thud as Kazuki placed the teapot back on the table resounded. He was sitting next to Rei, his hair already combed and his beard shaved in shape; quite unlike Rei, whose long hair managed to stick out on all sides.
It was a morning like so many others they had shared together, yet today was the day Miri decided it was the right time to ask, "Why don't you two get married?" before taking another bite of her toast.
Kazuki began to choke on his tea; Rei cocked an eyebrow and squinted at him from the side.
"Where did that come from all of a sudden?" Kazuki asked, clearing his throat and dabbing the remnants of tea from his mouth before using the same tissue to wipe the table around his plate without there being any stain that needed to be wiped away.
Miri gave him a confused look. "Kazuki-papa," she said with a light frown, "we live together since twelve years, you know? Isn't that a natural development for my papas to marry?"
Kazuki scowled. "Where did you pick that up?" he muttered, but Miri just shrugged. "Don't tell me you expected us to ma–marry?" he asked.
Rei frowned. "Why the stutter?" he asked, his voice still gruff from sleep.
In response Kazuki glared at him before he looked back at their daughter. "But you got a point."
For some reason his words made Rei strangely tense. He perked up and looked at his boyfriend in confusion.
"We lived like this for so long, why should we marry out of nowhere?" Kazuki asked.
Rei nodded. "We get along just fine."
"It's not about getting along, Rei-papa." Miri rolled her eyes, but she smiled.
"Then what?" Rei asked, still puzzled, and shoved another spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
"It's about you two! I think you should marry."
Kazuki and Rei exchanged a look, Kazuki with a hesitant expression, Rei chewing.
"That's the whole reason?" Kazuki asked.
Miri shrugged. "I'm you daughter?" she offered. "Does that count?"
Kazuki simply cocked an eyebrow.
"I'm not?" Miri frowned.
"You are, you are! It's just… Ma–marrying is not related to you being our daughter, Miri. It's just… it's, uh… Rei?"
Rei was still munching on his cereals. "Hm?" he asked, which earned him a kick against his shin under the table. He glared at Kazuki and asked, "What?", resulting in some cereals falling out of his mouth and back into the bowl.
"Eww," Miri said.
Rei ignored it and took a new spoonful.
"Don't you have something to say to that?" Kazuki asked.
"You don't want to get married again?" Rei replied.
"That's…" Kazuki hesitated, then shook his head. "It's… not about that."
"Then what?"
Miri looked from one to the other.
"Well, would you want to get married?" Kazuki asked bluntly.
Not having reckoned with that question, Rei swallowed his cereals far too early. His throat felt tight as he tried to get it down it.
The two men stared at each other. Rei could feel the realisation slowly dawning over them, making their eyes widen and their cheeks fill with a rosy colour. Slowly, he let his still full spoon slide back into the bowl. He couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was, but he could feel that this was no regular conversational topic over breakfast, 23 minutes before Miri had to leave for school.
"Did… did you just–" Rei started, but Kazuki abruptly shook his head exactly once.
"No, that was a hypothetical question, Rei!" he barked a tad too loud, blushed hard and kicked Rei again for good measure.
This time, however, Rei barely noticed the dull pain. His mind was elsewhere, drifting off to distant stories about marriage and rings and living long and happily ever after. His thoughts were cut off when Kazuki said, "Miri, I'm 40 years old! I'm way too old for that."
Miri shifted her bottom lip into a pout. "Why? You're never too old to get married or divorced."
"Thanks for adding the latter," Kazuki replied drily.
"Come on, Kazuki-papa, it will be fun!" Her usual cheerful smile was back and she hopped on her chair, just like she did when she had been four years old.
"I'll pick out your suits," she continued happily. "Which colours would be best? Summer is almost over; in autumn we can go for blue and gold, like the sea and the sun! Kazuki-papa gets gold, and blue for Rei-papa, that still suits you best, don't you think?"
Kazuki opened his mouth to reply, but he didn't seem to have any idea of what to say, because he remained silent, just like Rei.
Miri looked from one to the other. "You don't want to?" she asked with an almost disappointed frown. "You love each other, don't you?"
The silence between the two men continued as they exchanged another look.
"Isn't that reason enough?" Miri added.
"Well, that is, uhm…" Kazuki mumbled, fiddling with his spoon.
"There's also tax benefits," Rei mumbled and shoved a new spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
"Oi."
"Wha'?" Rei asked around his cereals.
"At least stay on the romantic level."
Rei swallowed. "I thought we agreed that you're responsible for that."
Kazuki's eyebrows twitched in irritation. "If that's the case, why don't you hack into the town hall's system and make us married already?" He joked with a scowl.
Frowning, Rei lowered his spoon. "Because you're the better hacker?"
A sigh escaped Kazuki's lips and without answering he looked back at their daughter. "Miri, what made you think we should marry?"
"Because you love each other!"
Rei couldn't help but be surprised. "Just that?" he asked; it earned him another scowl from Kazuki.
"Isn't that reason for most people?" Miri said, shrugging.
For a moment it became silent. Kazuki bit his bottom lip and Rei let his spoon hover over his half empty bowl.
"You don't?" Worry appeared in Miri's eyes as she waited for a response.
Rei carefully glanced at Kazuki, who did the same.
"Well…" Kazuki began, but trailed off.
"I guess," Rei mumbled.
"See?" Happy again, Miri smiled brightly. "So there's no problem! I'll chose your suits!"
Her cheerful voice and grin made Rei smile, Kazuki even chuckled.
"It's not that easy, Miri," Kazuki then said in a quieter voice. "Let us think about it, okay?"
"What's there to think about?"
"We too thought about you when we decided to keep you, Miri," he reminded her.
Miri bit her lip and tilted her head.
"It's a very private matter, Miri, we have to decide on our own. Just the two of us."
"You don't wanna?" Miri asked, physically deflating and with a light pout.
Half panicking, Kazuki hurried to say, "No, that's not it! It's just… sudden."
"Kazuki-papa, do I need to remember you how old I am?"
"Yes, I know that! Rei, why are you–"
"We'll consider it," Rei said with a definite undertone and continued eating.
Kazuki gazed at him, satisfied for once, and nodded.
"Yeah," he said while still looking at Rei. "We will." Then he turned towards Miri. "We'll let you know, Miri."
She nodded. "Alright. But hurry!"
Kazuki chuckled and picked up his toast again, not seeing Rei's gaze on him.
* * *
Nightfall had come, and after a long, busy day at the diner, they had shared a calm, restful evening in their private rooms upstairs.
Rei switched off the tap and returned his toothbrush to the little plastic holder in toast-shape – a gift that Miri had given him to his birthday. Then he switched off the light and walked down the corridor, stretching his shoulders and yawning. He felt exhausted, not only from working behind the counter all day, preparing all sorts of orders, but also from the many thoughts that hadn't stopped flooding his mind as soon as he had gotten up from the breakfast table.
Once he reached their shared bedroom – the other was supposed to be transformed into a nicer guestroom than the one they had now, they just didn't have the time to do that yet – he saw that Kazuki was already in bed. He leaned against the headrest, propped up on a pillow, and leafed through a magazine about décor and cake recipes, marking pages with sticky notes. Only the small standard lamp on his bedside table was switched on, casting soft light over the sheets.
Rei paused in the doorway, watching his boyfriend's concentrated frown and the way he pressed his lips together as his eyes registered each page's content. His golden hair sparkled in the light; a few white hairs underneath. For sleeping, Kazuki wore a thin, long-sleeved sweatshirt which, although it was two sizes too big, emphasised his sinewy figure.
The combination of relaxation that came from being at home and the utter focus that Rei remembered well enough from the job they had had in the past, while Kazuki read the magazine gave him an odd feeling of familiarity.
Rei wanted to stand there forever and watch his boyfriend search for new cakes they could try out and offer in their diner, but the exhaustion caught up with him and eventually he trailed over to his side of the bed.
He slid under the blanket and noticed that Kazuki's eyes flicked up to look at him; a little longer than usual.
"Hm?" Rei asked, pausing as he settled.
"Mhm," Kazuki replied in a dismissive sound and continued reading.
For a moment Rei gazed at his boyfriend from out of the corner of his eye. As Kazuki showed no sign of further elaboration, Rei picked up his phone from the bedside table and continued playing the new game he had downloaded a few days ago. However, his focus disappeared somewhere in the middle and he kept loosing, no matter how hard he tried. With a sigh, he put his phone back, and as he turned to Kazuki, Kazuki's eyes were already on him.
"Should we sleep?" Kazuki asked, magazine halfway folded on his lap.
"Or just… Yes."
"Just what?" Kazuki chuckled softly, the sound quiet and private.
Rei hesitated. "Talk?" he carefully offered, watching the hem of the blanket. There was no instant reply, and when he looked at his boyfriend again, he saw into a stunned expression. "You don't want to?"
"No, it's okay, it's just…" Kazuki put the magazine down, his eyes roaming over Rei's face, as if he could find the words he was looking for written on his skin. "Rare for you to suggest," he finally said.
Rei didn't reply. He lay on his back and tugged the blanket over his chest, then he turned on his side to face his boyfriend. Kazuki was still looking at him, but eventually he put the magazine away, lay down as well, and dimmed the standard lamp to the lowest level. He pushed his arm under the pillow and thus Rei's shoulder, silently inviting Rei to rest his head on his shoulder, which he accepted. After a moment, Rei tentatively extended his arm and slid it across Kazuki's chest, who gently grasped his fingers, slowly interlacing them with his own and resting them on his chest.
For a while they lay there in silence, Kazuki's thumb slowly stroking Rei's shoulder while Rei was gazing across Kazuki's chest, their fingers slowly moving on their own.
Eventually Kazuki asked in a quiet voice, "Is it about what Miri said?"
Rei hummed in confirmation. He frowned, thinking about what he could say, where he could start this conversation they ought to have. He could trust that Kazuki would wait for him finding those words.
Finally, he asked, "would you be opposed of marrying me?"
Kazuki spluttered and turned his head to stare at him. "Where did that come from?"
Confused, Rei frowned. "It was about us marrying, wasn't it?"
Kazuki's stare turned into a pondering expression. "Well… yes," he said, his tone careful.
"You said you love me," Rei added.
A soft blush spread across Kazuki's cheeks and his eyes widened a tad.
"You said that," Rei repeated, partly searching for confirmation. He could feel his boyfriend swallowing and saw his Adam's apple jump.
Still there was no response, those big, warm eyes just kept watching him.
So Rei continued, "You said, and I quote, 'maybe I do love you two too much'."
Rei watched Kazuki, waiting for his reaction. When none came, he added, "that's what you said, not too long ago, on your birth–"
"I remember, I remember, geez!" Kazuki laughed and his palm grasped Rei's shoulder for a moment.
"Then why did you not say anything?" Rei tried not to pout.
"Hey, shouldn't it be me asking?"
"What do you mean?" Rei asked, confused.
"At breakfast you said, and I quote," Kazuki mimicked him with a smirk on his lips, then he feigned a shrug and mumbled in Rei's tone, "'I guess'."
Rei indeed had said that; the realisation of which made his cheeks fill with blood.
"What was that about, huh?" Kazuki cocked his eyebrows. "I never heard such a half-assed confession of feelings before."
"You know how I feel," Rei muttered and evaded his eyes to stare across Kazuki's chest at the wall.
"I do," Kazuki said softly and let go of Rei's hand to gently touch his chin instead.
Startled by the sudden gesture, Rei jerked his head up, but soon relaxed into the touch. His eyes found Kazuki's, who was looking at him tenderly.
"But I wanted to hear that from you. Not because Miri coaxed it out of you."
Kazuki was probably right, Rei should have done it differently after all. "I'm sorry," he said.
A hum resounded and Kazuki gave him a soft smile.
Rei knew what it prompted, but he needed a moment to gather his thoughts and wits. His feelings were in order, alright, but putting those in words felt a lot different than just experiencing them, knowing them. The situation right now wasn't the same as it had been at breakfast, when it had been the three of them and he had just woken up – he wasn't a morning person, after all. This was their bedroom, where it was just the two of them, Kazuki and him, a place where they could talk about anything, where someone would always listen to him, no matter the subject; he just had to find the right words to get started.
Feeling what he felt was one thing, but saying it out loud was a lot harder than he had expected.
After a few moments, he realised that he had unconsciously continued to stroke Kazuki's chest with his fingers. Now that he was aware of it, he deliberately did so while thinking about his words, feeling the warm skin, listening to the calm breathing, noticing the gentle rise and fall.
Eventually he swallowed and glanced up. Kazuki had his eyes closed, but Rei knew he was awake.
"Kazuki," he said, his voice almost a whisper, so quiet and small.
"Hm?" Kazuki replied, equally quietly.
Rei paused, watching his boyfriend, who eventually opened his eyes to look at him. The light made his eyes gleam much softer than usual, and Rei knew right this moment that there was no one else he would ever say such words to, that there was no one else he could ever confide such feelings to. If there was someone he could entrust his innermost feelings with, it would be this man. And if there were no better words to state that, he had to go with the ones he knew, the words that were in so many books Miri loved as a child.
And thus he said, "I love you."
For a moment there was no reaction at all, neither of the two moved, neither made a sound. They simply continued to stare at each other. And although Kazuki's eyes eventually widened, he still didn't say anything.
"Did you hear me?" Rei asked, trying his hardest to swallow the sudden fear that made his lungs ache.
"Y–yeah," Kazuki breathed out.
"Then why–"
"Gimme a second."
"Okay."
Rei watched his boyfriend take a shaky breath and then squeeze his eyes shut. When he opened them again, they gleamed much more moistly than before in the light of the lamp. He smiled when he placed his palm against Rei's cheek, and even when he kissed him. Rei was still a little puzzled, but he complied nonetheless.
When they parted, Kazuki's hand was still resting against Rei's skin, stroking it with his thumb.
"I love you too, you know?" he said quietly.
"Mhm," Rei hummed. "Maybe a bit too much," he added, repeating Kazuki's words, which elicited a chuckle from his boyfriend.
A few heartbeats passed; Rei wanted to kiss again, his gaze flicked down to Kazuki's lips, but Kazuki didn't see it and Rei wanted to talk about the new subject anyway.
"You still don't want to marry me?" he asked.
"Wha– Rei!" Kazuki stared at him with a startled expression. "I never said that!"
Puzzled, Rei began, "But you…" He paused; he did not know where wanted to go with these words.
"Do you want to marry?" Kazuki asked instead.
Rei looked at him and opened his mouth, but no words would come. He simply had no idea. "I don't know," he whispered honestly.
He was still confused. Although his feelings were in order concerning Kazuki – despite the lack of the ability to express them on a regular basis – he wasn't sure how those were connected to marriage.
It was Kazuki, alright, he knew he didn't want to be with anyone else, didn't want to part from the home they had built, and didn't want to not see Kazuki or Miri every day. There were traces of affection in so many things throughout their daily lives that he would not want to miss, whether it was seeing Kazuki's broad back as he rummaged through the kitchen drawer at dawn while he prepared breakfast or when brushing his teeth in the bathroom, listening to him hum a song as he chopped heads of lettuce and carrots for the diner, or seeing him chat and laugh with their regulars – there was a slight difference in the way he laughed, depending on who made a joke, a customer or Rei. But there were also personal occasions, intimate scenes; like the gentle touches on his skin when Kazuki traced old scars, his limbs and his joints, which still ached from time to time, or the warm embrace every night, every morning. Rei did not want to miss that grounding feeling he had whenever he looked into Kazuki's eyes, the knowledge that he could be at peace now.
Kazuki's voice brought him back to where he was.
"You just mentioned the tax benefits," he said and made a vague gesture with his hand.
Rei blinked and needed a second to recollect his mind. He frowned. "Sorry," he muttered.
"I mean, you're right about that," Kazuki said, amused, "but that isn't a reason why I would marry. Besides, I can already make us married already in the system, just like you said, but it's not about that, you know? It's not about a piece of paper I sign for the sake of bureaucracy, it's not about getting to wear a ring and show off my husband every time a new customer comes in, and it's not about simply living together, since we're doing that since a long time already anyway."
For a moment, Rei's thoughts were stuck on the ring.
"It's about… us," Kazuki ended quietly and his eyes flicked to Rei, who nodded, taking a moment to consider.
"You asked me if I would want to get married," Rei eventually said quietly.
"Mhm," Kazuki made an affirmative sound, his eyes resting on Rei.
"I… thought about that. About your question."
As he didn't continue right away, Kazuki asked, "and?", sounding a little tense.
The movements of Rei's fingers on his chest paused. "When we were younger," he began, expecting to be interrupted by a quip, but when he looked at Kazuki, Kazuki's expression didn't change. So Rei continued, "we were doing all sorts of jobs, sometimes risking our lives."
"What do you mean, 'sometimes'," Kazuki mumbled.
"You were married once," Rei continued, unperturbed. He hadn't meant to shut him up, but Kazuki sure did, his eyes watching Rei with an indistinct look.
"I never was," Rei said, he was simply stating the truth. He knew that Kazuki had healed. It wasn't that everything was in perfect order – a human being had died, after all – but Kazuki had grown stronger over the years. And now the two of them were here, in their bed, talking about a potential marriage.
"I never was married," Rei repeated, "and I never felt like this was something that belonged into my life. I never considered the possibility. It was a thing other people did, normal people."
He gathered his thoughts and licked his lips. "If anything," he continued, "I would have married – would have had to marry," he corrected himself, "for the sake of the organisation, to produce an heir, although I wouldn't necessarily have had to marry for that. I might have had a mistress and perhaps married some rich woman my father would have chosen for me." He shook his head to get rid of those vague pictures of his imagination and looked back at Kazuki. "But then Miri came into our lives and things got complicated. I didn't want to continue the life I had. I didn't want to follow my bloodline."
Kazuki nodded.
"We quit the job and moved here and now we're… here."
He felt how Kazuki's fingers resumed stroking his shoulder; the contact calmed his inner thoughts, grounded him. He took a deep breath before he continued.
"Back then I… I never thought I would get this far anyway," he said quietly.
"You mean us?" Kazuki asked after a moment.
"Yeah," Rei breathed out. "Which is why, I think, I never really thought about marriage in general."
"In all these years?" Kazuki asked quietly.
"It's not about whether I want to marry you or not," Rei said hastily, fearing that Kazuki took it the wrong way given how his eyes widened. "It's just that it took time to get here and my mind wasn't really… thinking about it. I don't know how to explain that, Kazuki, I just… it never occurred to me that I could do that, that I could ask you and go to the registry office and buy rings or pay less taxes. I just never thought that… that…"
"Hey, hey, it's okay, you know?" Kazuki moved a little closer, quickly touching Rei's cheek and stroking his shoulder. His eyes were full of concern and gentle care. "I don't blame you, Rei, I would never. I understand what you want to say."
Rei blinked a few times, his eyes stung a bit and his view was obscured by blurry blotches. "You do?" His own voice sounded rough.
"Yeah," Kazuki whispered and leaned forward to brush his lips against the tip of Rei's nose and forehead. "I too thought a lot about it when I married Yuzuko."
"I see."
They paused for a break, gazing over each other's features.
"This topic was suddenly dropped on us by our daughter," Kazuki said, cocking his eyebrows.
Rei chuckled, his tight throat relaxed again.
"And if you don't see us getting married but continue the way we are now, that's perfectly okay. Nothing will change anyway, right?"
"Right," Rei confirmed.
"Let's…" Kazuki trailed off as he settled back into his pillow. "Let's give us some time to think about it. How is that? That's not something we should decide within 24 hours anyway."
"You're right." Rei nodded and put his head back on Kazuki's shoulder. "You're right, let's give it some time."
Another pause.
"Wanna go to sleep?" Kazuki asked.
Rei hummed.
They shifted a little so that Kazuki could pull his arm out from under Rei's head. Finally, they were facing each other. As usual, Rei moved closer, pulled his knees further up, and buried his head in Kazuki's chest. He felt Kazuki's kiss on his temple, heard the click of the light switch and noticed that darkness fell over them. When Kazuki wrapped his arm around Rei's shoulder, Rei reached out to touch it.
Eventually Rei fell asleep.
* * *
Two sounds blared from different directions, one a recently popular song, the other an advertising slogan, praising today's offer of salmon. The scents, which ranged from a clinical cleanliness of the more or less spotless floor to the fried tofu offered by the staff in brightly coloured aprons, itched in his nose. Disinfectant was sticking to Rei's hand, which was holding the shopping list, while he had a packet of oatmeal in the other.
Ten days had passed without anyone even mentioning the word 'wedding'. Rei felt relieved about Kazuki's words; they didn't have to get married to stay together, and this took away the pressure that Miri had suddenly, although unintentionally, dropped on them. Still, there was something that bugged him, he just hadn't figured out yet what it was. However, as he kept staring at the suggested recipes on the packet in his hand, he felt that he was getting closer to the solution he sought.
"Kazuki," he said.
The shopping trolley squeaked when Kazuki turned it around to face Rei. "Hm?"
"Married couples will always take care of each other, right? No matter what?"
There was a pause, much longer than Rei had expected it to be. When he looked up, he saw that Kazuki was staring at him. He stepped aside to let a woman, who glanced at them curiously, pass by. Then he came closer and whispered, "you want to discuss that now?"
Rei returned the look blankly. "It just came to my mind."
"Why now?" Kazuki shot a glance down the aisle of the supermarket where they were doing their weekly shop. When he looked back, his gaze fell on the packet in Rei's hand.
"They remind me of it," Rei explained.
Kazuki frowned and cocked an eyebrow. "Half a kilo of oatmeal remind you of getting married?"
"Yes," Rei replied matter-of-factly. "Remember when you made me that porridge when I had the flu? You would always do that if we were married."
"Rei," Kazuki sighed, "I would still do that for you, even if we weren't married. I want to make you feel better when you're sick, no matter our relationship status. I don't want to break up with you, you know?"
"Never ever?"
"Of course not!" Suddenly Kazuki sounded startled. "We've talked about this, haven't we? Wait," he paused, "do you?" And his expression turned to panic.
Rei shook his head. "No, I don't want to break up," he said to calm his boyfriend down, watching in relief the fear ebb away in Kazuki's eyes. "I just… Isn't that what they always talk about?"
"What? And where do they talk about it?"
"In the books."
"Books?" Kazuki repeated with a puzzled expression.
"The books we read to Miri to fall asleep."
Kazuki hummed. "You mean those princess and prince sort of books?"
Rei nodded.
"The 'they live long and forever after' stories?"
Rei nodded again.
"Hang on." Kazuki raised his hands flat in the air, his brow furrowed. "So you thought that because they got married, they could live happily together forever, take care of each other and would never part?"
"I… Kinda?" Rei admitted slowly. "Isn't that why you married Yuzuko?"
Taken aback, Kazuki's reply came a bit late. "I… well, I suppose," he mumbled.
"When I read the books to Miri, I thought… I thought marriage would be like that," Rei explained.
The wistful look in Kazuki's eyes disappeared and his eyes wrinkled as he chuckled. "As someone who was already married once, believe me, it isn't."
"I'm not an idiot," Rei said, "I know that it's not a fairy tale."
"No, you're right," Kazuki said quietly. "It's so much more than that."
Surprised, Rei watched Kazuki's expression turn thoughtful, but when he raised his gaze at Rei, he was smiling again.
"What was it like, being married?" Rei wanted to know.
For a moment Kazuki bit his lip. "It was…" His voice trailed off and he glanced around. "Let's finish shopping before we continue this, okay?"
Rei looked around; they were still in their local supermarket, after all. There was no one near them in the aisle that was stacked with boxes of cereals and oatmeal, but he had to agree that Kazuki was right.
"Fair enough," he said.
Kazuki visible relaxed, then he nodded to the packet in Rei's hand. "Wanna buy that?"
"Do we still have some?"
Kazuki tilted his head, remembering. "I don't think so."
"In case someone gets sick," Rei said and placed the box in their shopping trolley.
"Or, you know, wants a healthy breakfast."
Rei paused, his hands hovering over the oatmeal packet while he eyed the cereals he had placed in the trolley earlier.
"Should I put that back?" he asked, but Kazuki smiled and patted his back.
"It's fine, keep that."
"It's nostalgic." Rei felt like he had to defend himself.
"From when? Yesterday's breakfast?"
"I only eat it on our days off," Rei said, pouting.
"I know, Rei, I don't mind a treat once in a while."
"In that case we need some beer for you."
Kazuki's reply was a hearty laugh, and he followed Rei, pushing the trolley along.
Eventually they had everything they needed and went to the checkout, where Kazuki chatted with the cashier while Rei packed the goods into their bags. Finally out of the supermarket, they put everything into the cargo bay of their car – a used 2018 Honda N-Box in dark green – before settling into the front seats. Kazuki pushed the key in the ignition switch, but didn't start they car.
The silence grew tense. People walked around them, pushing their shopping trolleys or carrying baskets, eco-bags or huge boxes with bottled water. A car was about to be parked out, a child wanted to be picked up, the sun poked out between specks of clouds.
"Can we continue?" Rei asked quietly.
Kazuki glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, then nodded.
"So what is it like to be married with someone?"
Despite his agreement, it took a moment before Kazuki responded. He took a deep breath, seemingly considering his words.
"It's like," he began, but paused again, making a gesture Rei couldn't interpret, then frowned. "It's like when you're sick and someone is there to check up on you, cook you porridge and bring you water and medicine."
Rei vividly – or not so vividly, given the high fever he had had – remembered the awful flu he had caught last winter and nodded in understanding.
"It's like waking up in the middle of the night," Kazuki continued, his eyes fixed on the tachometer without really looking at it, "and being comforted when you had a bad dream."
It had taken a while for Kazuki and Rei to settle in their new place on this distant island in southern Japan; there had been many things to consider, to plan, to put into action, to worry about while processing what had happened in their pasts.
"It's like," Kazuki said, his voice raspy and quieter now, "when you come home in the dark of night, covered in blood and whatnot, and being taken care of. Even when you don't want to be."
"It's knowing that you can come home," Kazuki whispered, "no matter what happened or what you did. It's sometimes not asking questions; sometimes knowing the answer and pretending you don't."
Rei looked at his boyfriend, still talking to the tachometer.
"It's accepting the other just the way they are, because that's why you fell for them, that's why you know you can rely on them, your partner in crime."
Rei nodded.
"But…" Kazuki trailed off, slightly cocking his head to the side. "It's also changing. Changing together, I mean."
"We changed," Rei said quietly.
It was then that Kazuki turned his head, turning his gaze from the tachometer and the steering wheel towards him.
"Yeah," he breathed out, "we did."
For a long moment they gazed at each other.
"Didn't know we were married since we were in our twenties," Kazuki joked with a dry voice.
Rei felt his own mouth distort into a grim smirk, but he didn't feel like chuckling. "So marriage is practically someone caring for you?" he concluded instead.
But Kazuki shook his head.
"No, not that. It's rather the feeling of, no matter what happens, you know there is someone there, waiting for you, accepting you, trying to make your world better. Its pledging to be with someone you trust more than anyone else."
Trying to grasp the meaning, Rei kept gazing at his boyfriend while his thoughts began to drift off, trying to imagine how an actual marriage would look like. "But," he said slowly, still frowning thoughtfully, "you don't have to get married to experience all of that, right? We experienced all of that, but we never married."
"Right." Kazuki smiled faintly. "You don't have to," he agreed. "Apart from bureaucratic benefits, it's whether the people involved want to have the ceremony or not, if they want to vow that they won't ever part, that they will always care for each other, no matter the circumstances. Most often people want to do that in front of their friends and families, having a big party and such." He shrugged.
Rei nodded again, remembering the pictures in Miri's books with lots of decorations in a great hall and food for a whole village.
"It's an expression of love," Kazuki said, pulling Rei back to their conversation in the car. "Of course on a formal level, but also in terms of addressing."
"Addressing?" Rei repeated, confused.
"Well…" Kazuki leaned back in his seat. He shot Rei a quick glance, blushing a little, and pushed his palms over the steering wheel, fumbling with the worn leather. Seeing Kazuki struggling for words was rare; Rei had no other way but to gaze at him in amazement.
"I wouldn't just call you 'my boyfriend' anymore, I would…" Kazuki made a gesture with his hand, shrugging. "Well, you would be 'my husband' instead."
Rei stared at Kazuki, who shot him a glance.
Feeling that he had to give a reply of sorts, Rei stuttered, "I–I see."
"How does it sound?"
After quick consideration, Rei nodded. "Appealing?"
Surprise flicked across Kazuki's expression, but then his soft smile returned. "I think so too," he said quietly.
They watched the car in front of them pull out and drive away.
"Wanna go home and unpack?" Kazuki then suggested.
Sudden realisation shot through Rei like ice-cold water from Miri's water pistols, soaking his t-shirt in seconds.
"What? Rei, what is it?" Kazuki urged, sounding slightly panicked.
Rei turned his head to look at Kazuki with wide eyes. "Kazuki," he said hoarsely.
"Y–yeah?"
"We bought ice cream."
The same feeling Rei had seemed to seep into his boyfriend's body.
"Gosh, Rei! Why didn't you remind me sooner!?"
"It was your idea to buy ice cream!" Rei barked back.
"It was Miri, she wrote it on the list!" Kazuki yelped and turned the key to start the car, but it was a false start, so he had to try again.
"Get it going, it's melting!"
"I am! Stop distracting me."
"I'm not distracting!" Rei countered.
"You are!"
"I thought you were the better driver?"
"Let's switch then."
"I don't have my drivers license with me today."
"Oh, Rei!"
* * *
With swift movements and deft movements, Rei picked up the spoon, measured out a portion of the aromatic beans, filled them into the compartment on the machine and pressed a button. As the noise of milling sounded, he reached for the filter and inserted it under the device. Finally, he took a clean cup from the shelf, slid it under the opening and pressed the next button.
As the fresh scent of coffee filled his nostrils, Rei let his gaze roam around the room. The diner was bathed in bright sunlight, and as it was Saturday afternoon, most of the seats were taken. Many faces had become familiar to Rei by now, he could also spot a few regulars. It made Rei relieved to see that everybody was enjoying themselves. Many were engaged in conversation, one woman was showing something on her mobile phone to her friend, others and those who had come alone were reading the newspaper or books, listening to the subtle background music or, or silently watching the glittering ocean through the large windows.
Rei's eyes too wandered to the window front, gazing at the waves that rolled onto the shore, but when the coffee machine made a buzzing sound to let him know the beverage was done, he removed the cup and finished the order.
The little bell above the entrance door jingled and Rei turned his head. A young couple came in, a man and a woman, holding hands and peeking around the room.
"Welcome," Rei said, raising his voice a little.
"Welcome to the NEST!" Kazuki chirped up from where he was restocking saucers on the shelf behind the counter. He straightened his apron and walked with sweeping strides towards the new customers to accompany them to a free table.
The couple were perhaps in their 30s, Rei guessed, though he was pretty bad at such things. They smiled cheerfully and followed Kazuki to a window seat, where they settled down and curiously picked up the menu.
"Let me know when you have decided," Kazuki said with a smile before he went back to the counter to pick up the coffee Rei had prepared and take it to the customer in the far corner. Once Kazuki returned, he finished the saucers and checked up on the cakes available in the display case.
Rei glanced furtively at the new couple; the woman pointed to something on the menu, and the man nodded and smiled as he agreed to something she said. They seemed comfortable around each other and chatted quietly while they discussed the available selection.
Eventually they called for Kazuki.
"I'll have a cappuccino with cream," the woman said, "and my husband an iced cafe latte; cream, no sugar."
Rei had by now totally forgotten about the spoon in his hand as he was still gazing at the couple. The man gave his wife a fond look as she placed the order, and it was only when he raised his hand to close the menu and hand it back to Kazuki that Rei noticed the ring on his finger.
Something tingled inside of Rei, like an itch under his skin, too deep to scratch, but not unpleasant. He frowned, trying to figure it out what it was, but the more he tried, the harder he frowned and his forehead began to hurt.
"–ei?"
It was about this couple, about this wife and husband, about cappuccino and iced cafe latte. Cream, no sugar.
"Rei? You in there?"
Something soft brushed the back of his head, which Rei startled. He turned to look at Kazuki, who stood next to him. A smile was on his boyfriend's lips, although it seemed a little weak.
"I'm fine," Rei said.
"Alright," Kazuki replied, but he didn't look quite convinced. "We got a new order for table five, cappuccino and iced cafe latte."
"Cream, no sugar, alright."
Kazuki cocked an eyebrow, but Rei only shrugged.
"You sure you're okay?" Kazuki asked as he handed Rei the note with the order.
Rei nodded almost out of reflex.
"Rei."
Rei raised his eyes from the note and saw Kazuki frowning thoughtfully at him; he wasn't genuinely concerned, and again this strange tingling sensation went through his body.
He tried a smile. "I'm okay," Rei said quietly and subconsciously reached out to touch Kazuki's arm, his fingertip brushed the hem of the black t-shirt.
The quick contact seemed to ground Kazuki and he visibly relaxed again. "Alright," he said. "I'll go back in the kitchen to get the apple pie; manage here for a few minutes?"
Rei nodded. "I'm okay," he said again, which elicited a chuckle from his boyfriend.
Kazuki put a hand on Rei's back, right between his shoulder blades, and stroked him, then went to the kitchen.
After he left, Rei could still feel Kazuki's warm palm on his back for a while. Rei gazed down at his left hand, felt with his thumb for the ring finger, and began to wonder.
* * *
Waves rolled softly over the beach; the surface of the sea reflected the silvery moonlight. Hundreds of lights flickered in the distance, where the town appeared to merge with the depths of the ocean. Hermit crabs chased each other in the tiny sandy valleys left behind by the flood; they hid when two shadows walked by, their fingers intertwined.
The afternoon was busy most of the time, but the evenings were calm, which is why most of the dishes could already be done during opening hours. After closing time, the daily cash check, and storing the money in the safe in their tiny office, Rei, Kazuki and Miri had had dinner together. Finally, the two men had left their daughter at home by herself to finish her schoolwork and headed out for a walk at the beach.
During typhoon season, life by the sea wasn't so pleasant, but as summer was almost over, the chance of a typhoon heading their way had decreased and temperatures had dropped from hot to comfortably warm. The wind was gentle today and the sky above their heads as clear as in August.
Still, the beach was sandy, that fact never changed, and because Rei wasn't quite fond of the sand, he usually wore aqua boots when he went to the shore, as he did today as well. He glanced at Kazuki's feet, bare and partly burying in the ground with each step he took, and frowned.
"Are you comfortable?" Rei asked.
Kazuki turned his head, a soft smile on his lips; it had stayed there ever since they had left the house together, as if he kept thinking about good food.
"I am?" he said, intoned to a question, and chuckled. "Why do you ask?"
Rei pointed at the spot where Kazuki's toes disappeared into the soft ground.
"My feet?" Kazuki asked.
Rei nodded.
"My feet are comfortable, yes."
"Don't they hurt?"
"Well, I walked a lot today," Kazuki said with a shrug. "Walking barefoot actually feels a little weird, but it's relaxing. You should try and–"
"No."
Kazuki gave him a knowing smile.
"You don't fear stepping on a shell or glass?" Rei asked instead.
"Not really, no."
Confused, Rei looked down at his feet. He could see his pale skin between the edge of his aqua shoes and the hem of his long pants. Then he looked at Kazuki's bare feet. His skin wasn't as tanned as that of the farmers or fishermen, but it wasn't as pale as Rei's. In the end, he accepted the facts, no matter how they puzzled him, and hummed.
"Are you comfortable though?" Kazuki asked this time.
"Yeah, why? I'm wearing them since–"
"I'm not talking about the shoes," Kazuki corrected.
"But?"
"About… walking here, with me, instead of being inside playing a game or so."
"I didn't want to distract Miri from doing her homework," Rei explained, which resulted in a pained smile from Kazuki; it changed, however, when Rei added, "And I didn't want you to walk alone."
There was surprise on Kazuki's face when he looked up at him.
"I… I wanted to come here," Rei said quietly. "With you," he added, feeling his cheeks grow hotter as they had been before.
"You do?" Kazuki asked in a whisper.
"Kazuki," Rei deadpanned, "we talked about marriage the other day."
Now it was Kazuki who blushed.
"I want to be with you," Rei clarified. Saying his feelings out loud still felt odd, but he liked the way his boyfriend blushed whenever he did it.
"You're not here because of the scenery," Kazuki noticed.
"It's night," Rei remarked, "and apart from a couples stars and all those lights up there," he gave the town a quick look, "there's not that much we'll see anyway."
A soft chuckle made Kazuki's features relax and laughing wrinkles dig into the skin around his eyes and mouth. "Guess you're right," he said.
"You asked me to join you because you wanted me to be here, didn't you?"
Kazuki hummed. "I wanted to go for a walk with you, yeah."
Rei kept his eyes on his boyfriend.
"Maybe I am the romantic one after all," Kazuki mumbled.
Rei didn't quite understand what being romantic and a late-night walk on the beach had to do with each other, but he nodded anyway.
As their feet hit the sand, the waves kept rolling on the shore and the town made its own noises. Blinking lights of the buoys swayed at the horizon, all boats were moored in the harbour.
"You know," Kazuki then said quietly. Rei turned his head to look at him. "Miri had already been looking for available appointments at the registry office," Kazuki informed him with a soft chuckle. "She showed me the website the other day."
"She also showed me a fashion magazine, asking which colours for a suit I like best," Rei added quietly.
They exchanged a look.
"She can't be subtle, can't she?" Kazuki said.
"I told her I like blue."
Sudden surprise flitted across Kazuki's face and he laughed.
"What?" Rei asked with a frown.
"Please don't wear a blue suit."
"Why?"
For a heartbeat Kazuki gazed at him. "You look better in a black one."
Rei looked down at himself. He had worn black suits for so long, it was easy to picture himself in one of those. He felt pleased to know that Kazuki was fond of them, but ever since he had stopped wearing them the day they had quit the organisation, black suits were now connected – apart from wearing them or an occasional funeral of the neighbourhood's old folk – to a past he didn't want to think of.
Still, Rei hummed, mostly due to the lack of knowing a better response.
They walked on, the waves rolled onto the shore, the wind let the leaves of the palm trees rustle.
It took another 500 metres until Rei had gathered enough courage to look at Kazuki, who was watching the waves with a thoughtful expression.
"Kazuki."
"Hm?"
A wave rolled so far that their feet got wet.
"Did you think about it?" Rei eventually asked.
Kazuki gave him a sideways glance before his eyes observed the shore. He hummed affirmative. "You too?" he asked.
"Yeah."
Another wave, two more heartbeats.
"Are you… opposed to it?" Rei asked.
"Still this question?" Kazuki chuckled.
Rei shrugged and looked at Kazuki, who finally turned his head to gaze at him while he wore a soft smile on his lips. "I'm… not opposed to it," he whispered.
Rei stopped walking, but since Kazuki didn't, he was a step ahead when he noticed that Rei didn't follow. Their fingers, though, were still interlaced, and so they stood a little apart on the beach, arms slightly raised.
"How about you?" Kazuki asked back, his voice a little deeper, a little more tender than usual.
"I… I'm not either," Rei replied.
They didn't blink, didn't utter a word; the wind tousled their hair, let it dance.
"I think I understand why people marry," Rei said quietly. "Aside from bureaucratic benefits, I mean."
"Yeah?" Kazuki asked, whispering.
Rei nodded. "I think I can understand why people want to express that they will be with each other forever by signing a piece of paper and exchanging rings and possibly names."
"That sounded very romantic."
But Rei ignored him and continued.
"Two people express that they know each other," he said, thinking about the many things his mind had been busy with whenever he was doing the dishes or storing away packages of coffee beans, sugar, and flour. "That they can rely on each other, no matter the situation."
He tilted his head, his gaze dropping from Kazuki's eyes to his shoulder.
"That they have a home they can come back to, a place, safest of all. Someone is waiting for them there, someone who accepts the other, yet is willing to change together."
He looked up.
"That there is no other person they could trust more than this one."
Their eyes met. Kazuki was staring at him; his eyes were shimmering in the moonlight.
"That's at least… the conclusion I came to," Rei muttered and averted his gaze, suddenly embarrassed under the continuous stare of familiar warm eyes.
The pause dragged on, there was only the wind letting the palm trees sing.
And then Kazuki grasped Rei's fingers a little firmer. He took a step back to stand directly in front of him.
"I think so too," he mumbled.
"You do?"
"Mhm, yeah." Kazuki leaned forward and slowly tilted his head to indicate what he was up to before he gently kissed Rei.
After they parted, they gazed at each other, the tips of their noses almost touching. Kazuki's eyes roamed slowly across Rei's face, drinking in his features with a smile, but Rei could only stare at Kazuki's eyes, for his mind was focused on the man in itself, the man he trusted more than anyone else. That's when he knew.
"Kazuki," he said.
Kazuki's eyes flitted back and fixed on Rei's. This time Rei no longer felt embarrassed, he no longer felt odd about any of this. He understood now.
And that's why he asked, "Would you like to marry me?"
One moment nothing happened. But then Kazuki's eyes widened and he stared at Rei for a few seconds before he began to tear up; he wiped an arm over his face and turned his body a bit to the side.
"Ka–Kazuki?" Startled, Rei reached out to feel for his boyfriend's shoulder. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"'m fine," Kazuki mumbled.
Rei pushed his palm down Kazuki's arm, his eyes searching his boyfriend's face for any hint of pain or discomfort.
Eventually Kazuki cleared his throat, straightened his back and looked back at Rei.
"Once again someone proposed to me," he said with a chuckle; his eyes were still gleaming.
"What do you mean?" Rei asked in confusion. "Didn't you propose to Yuzuko?"
"No," Kazuki replied softly, his gaze falling on Rei's shoulder instead, "she proposed to me." A smile was on his lips when he looked at Rei again, but the dreamy expression shifted into a firm look, as if Kazuki clearly saw who was standing in front of him. Yet he said nothing.
Rei hesitated; should he ask again? What was the etiquette anyway? They definitely weren't doing this like in any of Miri's books. Well, both of them were men to begin with, neither of them had lost a shoe made of glass, slept for a hundred years or kissed a frog – Rei had always found the eccentricity of the tales rather peculiar.
"I would," Kazuki suddenly said.
"Would what?" Rei asked.
Kazuki laughed shortly. "Marry you," he elaborated; or rather: finally replied.
"You– Oh."
"Yeah," Kazuki breathed out.
The two gazed at each other, ignoring the waves gently enveloping their feet or the lights of the last ferry that finally left the harbour.
"So we're gonna do it?" Rei asked, verified.
"Yeah," Kazuki said once more, "let's do it." A grin split his lips and suddenly he surged forward to wrap his arms around Rei. The air was pressed out of Rei's lungs and he opened his mouth in surprise, though, he didn't let out a sound. He placed his hands on Kazuki's shoulders, seeking for support as Kazuki began to spin him around.
"Let me down!" Rei demanded, but he ended up laughing too.
After another spin, Kazuki complied and Rei was back on the sand. A few seconds passed in which they just gazed at each other, then they leaned forward, meeting in a kiss. Rei thought that this seemed to be the proper etiquette when agreeing to a marriage proposal – just like in the books – but other than that, he wouldn't have known any other response, how else his body should express what he felt if not using words.
And so they both stood on the beach, arms wrapped around each other and kissing. Rei didn't mind the water gently cradling his ankles; Kazuki's feet were completely encased in the waves steadily rolling onto the beach. Rei pushed his hands over Kazuki's chest, then took two fists of fabric, carefully tugging them. Kazuki's hand was at Rei's jaw, another on his arm.
Apart from the proposal, the wet sand in his aqua boots and a tickling beard, Rei would always remember the feeling he had had when he had decided that this had been the right moment, the right man, to ask this question.
* * *
Miri was a little disappointed when they told her she couldn't chose the suits for them as they decided not to wear any.
"It's not about the clothes, Miri," Kazuki told her, "but the meaning itself."
"Can we have a party at least?" she asked, still pouting.
"The three of us?"
"What about Kyu-chan?"
Rei raised his head from his gaming console to meet Kazuki's eyes.
"We should probably tell him," Kazuki said.
"Knowing him, he already knows anyway," Rei mumbled.
"You're right. But let's do it the proper way."
Kazuki was quick to fetch the phone and dial the number, and while he walked through their living room, Rei watched him inform their friend of their wedding plans. Against their expectations, Kyutaro was surprised, though not so much if Rei interpreted Kazuki's reaction correctly.
Suddenly, Kazuki looked at Rei with a startled expression.
"What?" Rei asked from where he was sitting on the couch.
"He wants to know the date."
Apparently, Rei wasn't the only one who hadn't thought about such detail before inviting others. "Uhh…" he intelligently said.
"Tell him in two months, on the 22nd!" Miri chirped.
Kazuki and Rei both turned to look at her where she was still leaning against the door frame, her phone in hand.
"Why?" both men asked.
"There're still an open appointment a that day," she said with a shrug and raised her phone. "And because I have no school that day, you know? How else am I supposed to attend?"
Kazuki shrugged.
"We would have written you a note," Rei said.
"Yeah," Kazuki agreed. "Your parents getting married sounds like a good excuse."
Miri's eyes widened. "In that case–," she said and began tapping on her phone.
"Nope, the 22nd sounds good, let's do it," Kazuki said and confirmed by looking at Rei.
"Fine by me," he mumbled.
"Hey!" Miri put her hands on her hip, pouting.
Rei couldn't help but chuckle, finding their daughter too adorable. Of course she heard him and glared at him, but it turned out softer than probably intended.
"Sorry, Kyu-chan," Kazuki turned back to the phone. "It's gonna be the 22nd. No, in two months."
They talked a little more about a few related things, then hung up.
"He said he will check for flights and come a day in advance," Kazuki said. "We should get the guest room dust-free by then."
"Alright."
"No day off for me?" Miri asked, apparently still mulling over not having another day off school.
With a soft smile on his lips, Kazuki walked over to her and ruffled her hair. She squawked, but didn't bat his hand away, just glared at him from beneath.
"No, dear. You're too smart not to go to school."
"Wouldn't it be the contrary?" Rei thought out loud.
"I heard that, Rei-papa." Miri scowled at him.
"So?"
She sighed.
"You like going to school, don't you Miri?" Kazuki tried.
"I like meeting my friends," she corrected him. "But fine, as long as you marry."
Kazuki and Rei exchanged another look.
"Fair enough," Rei said with a shrug and picked up his gaming console again.
"I knew it," Kazuki sighed, "it's me who's gotta be the romantic one."
"Don't worry, he'll get to it," Miri tried to console him.
"No," Rei muttered, pressing the buttons.
"He won't," Kazuki agreed. "But that's okay, because I like him how he is."
Even though Rei continued his game, he could still feel how his boyfriend – no, fiancé – gazed at him for far too long.
Rei just looked up to verify that when Miri said, "gross." But she had a smile on her lips. "I'll leave you to it," she said with a wink and went out.
By the time she was already halfway down the hallway, Kazuki belatedly mumbled an "alright". His eyes were still on Rei, who was shifting on the couch, unsure what to make of that. He relaxed a little when Kazuki eventually put the phone back on the charging station.
"Do you…" Kazuki began, glancing back at Rei, who met his eyes once more. "Do you want to tell your… family?"
Surprised, Rei lowered the gaming console and considered it. However, the answer was quickly found. "Maybe later."
Kazuki hummed.
"If I feel like it," Rei added.
Another hum. Then Kazuki came over to settle next to Rei on the couch. He fiddled with his fingers, frowning thoughtfully.
"Is that okay?" Rei asked, concerned about the sudden silence.
Kazuki raised his head. "Yes, of course," he said earnestly. "I'm not too eager either, you know? It's about us anyway."
For a moment, Rei lost himself in thoughts about his fiancé's words. He was still busy thinking, when without warning a weight dropped against his shoulder. Startled, he looked to the side, noticing that Kazuki had put his head there.
"I'm already tired," Kazuki mumbled.
"We only invited one person."
"But it's our wedding, that makes me nervous."
"Why?" Rei was genuinely stunned. "Shouldn't that be the easiest thing?"
"No way, Rei," Kazuki groaned, then he yawned and buried his face in Rei's upper arm.
Rei watched how the light caught in golden hair while he felt hot breath being exhaled through the fabric of his t-shirt. Without knowing what else to do, he reached out to pat Kazuki's head. It was clumsy, he knew that much, but Kazuki didn't complain.
"You want to go to bed?" Rei asked quietly.
"Mhm." Kazuki shook his head slightly before turning it so that his words were clearer when he said, "let's stay like this for a while."
"Alright."
Out of the corner of his eye, Rei gave his fiancé a last look, smiling to himself, before he picked up his console again.
"Don't complain when you get a stiff neck," he warned.
It elicited a chuckle from Kazuki.
* * *
On a day off, they bought their rings from a jeweller in the next town.
It didn't take long to decide on a pair. Made of pale gold, the rings weren't as thick as the standard; there were also no stones or other things set into them. They were simply stainless steel rings into which the jeweller would engrave their names.
It was just a piece of metal, but for some reason Rei was looking forward to seeing it on his finger when the engraving was done. He wondered if the new weight would bother him while working at the diner, when he prepared the food or the drinks, handled the new coffee machine or counted changes. Would the metal leave scratches on the ring?
The more he thought about it, the more he lost focus of what he was actually doing at the kitchen counter. He felt his palms, his fingers, his whole hands and raised them to gaze at them. There were small scars, a cut here, a burn there. Handling guns had left a fine dent on his index finger; and then there was this odd sensation he still felt whenever he used his right arm. All in all, his hands were a familiar sight; but how would that change with a ring?
"You okay?"
Startled, Rei looked over his shoulder and saw Kazuki leaning against the door-frame. He was still wearing his pyjamas, long trousers and an oversized sweater.
"You know," Kazuki said before Rei could begin to explain why he was gazing at his hands instead of cutting the bread in front of him, "we don't actually have any engagement rings."
Rei relaxed his shoulders. "Do we need them?" he asked, frowning.
"Not really." His fiancé shrugged. "I just noticed that."
Rei hummed; he was about to lower his hands, when Kazuki asked, "what were you doing with your hands anyway?"
"Nothing."
Maybe he had replied a bit too quick, since Kazuki returned a very disbelieving, "U–huh."
Feigning to go back to work, Rei felt that Kazuki was approaching him until he eventually slipped his arms between Rei's and his ribcage. He pushed forward, letting his palms slide over Rei's elbows before gently taking his hands in his.
"Didn't look like nothing to me," Kazuki mumbled into Rei's ear.
A pleasant shudder ran down Rei's spine upon hearing his fiancé's dark voice so close. However, fiancé or not, Kazuki would always be the only one able to approach him in such a vulnerable position.
Out of the corner of his eye, Rei glanced at Kazuki, who returned it with a mischievous look. He kept silent, waiting for an explanation.
"Just wondering what it would be like wearing a ring every day," Rei mumbled.
"Hmm," Kazuki hummed. "That sure is a good question."
"You didn't wear a ring?"
"I did. Just… not for that long," he said quietly.
"You will now."
The smile returned, reaching Kazuki's eyes.
"For a very long time," Rei added, watching in amusement as Kazuki began to blush and buried his face in Rei's back for a moment, so that only his golden hair could be seen. Then he looked up again.
"Hey, you know what?" he asked.
"Hm?" Rei replied.
"I got another good use of your fingers."
"Yeah?" Rei had to laugh, quietly and raspily, and he didn't stop when Kazuki craned his neck to kiss his jaw.
Finally, Rei turned around, and only for a second they exchanged a look before Rei placed his hands on Kazuki's shoulder, feeling the soft fabric beneath his skin. Kazuki wrapped his arms around Rei's back and pulled him in for another kiss, this time on the mouth, which Rei returned with pleasure.
"Can't you wait until you're married?"
Still in their embrace, both men turned their heads to look at the door.
"This was your idea, Miri," Kazuki remembered their daughter.
"Marrying, yes," Miri said with a frown. "Not making out in the kitchen in your underwear before having breakfast." She said that, but she wore a smile on her face, half disgusted, half amused.
"'m not wearing just underwear," Rei protested weakly.
"Can't I kiss my fiancé whenever I want?" Kazuki asked with mock offence.
"No," Rei said.
"No," Miri said.
Kazuki made a shocked face. "Rei, why?"
Rei shrugged. "I wanna pee in silence, you know?"
"Can I have breakfast now?" Miri interrupted them.
"Sure, go ahead," Kazuki told her, but didn't move, neither did Rei.
Miri looked from one to the other.
"I think I'll eat in the diner today."
"Aww, come on, Miri, it was you who made us think about marriage."
"I didn't know it would turn out like this."
"Like what?" Kazuki asked, puzzled.
"You two getting all lovey-dovey with each other before breakfast."
"Lovey-dovey," Rei repeated, confused. "If you mean the kiss, we did that lots of times already."
"But not when I'm around."
"Right, we usually do that before you get up or after you go to bed," Rei agreed with her, nodding thoughtfully.
"Rei!" Kazuki protested.
"What?"
"Not that I already knew that," Miri said, "but I didn't want it confirmed. Thanks, Rei-papa."
"You're welcome."
Miri stared at him. "I…" she began, her lips twitching. "I'll just get my cereal bowl."
"How about French toast?" Rei offered.
"It's alright, I need to go to school soon anyway."
It was only then that Rei noticed her school uniform she was already wearing.
"I prepared your bento box," Kazuki chirped up.
"Thanks, Kazuki-papa!" Miri flashed him a smile, then she grabbed a bowl, the package of cereals and a milk carton before returning to the door. She gave them one last look and said, "you can continue now," before she left the kitchen.
"Thanks," Kazuki said, but Rei could hear sarcasm in his voice. He was more surprised about actually being able to detect it than thinking about its meaning.
It was silent for a moment during which Rei watched Kazuki watch the door.
"Wanna continue?" Rei eventually asked.
Kazuki glanced back at him, making a face as if he was considering it. "Later?" he then offered.
"Fine by me."
They detached, but Kazuki let his fingers trail slowly down over Rei's arms before he finally let go of them.
"You gotta show me what your fingers can do anyway," he said, smirking.
"Sure," Rei replied with a smile.
"Oh, come on!" Miri cried out from the next room.
* * *
And then came the big day.
In fact it was a regular Wednesday, but due to a public holiday Miri had no school, and Kazuki and Rei didn't open the diner until the afternoon anyway.
The day before Kyutaro had arrived and stayed the night in their guest room before the four of them had breakfast in the morning. Afterwards, they had all put on proper clothes and gathered in the front garden where the green Honda was parked.
And now, a few minutes later, Rei didn't know what to do with his fingers; he kept fumbling with them, tying empty knots in his lap, or stretching them. He was glad that Kyutaro had offered to drive. Miri in the passenger seat acted as a lifelike navigation system, guiding Kyutaro through the narrow streets to the municipal office, a branch of the town hall, which was further away.
Contrary to his expectations, Rei felt neither excited nor jittery about something he was looking forward to. He felt more like he was on his way to a colonoscopy instead of his own wedding. Miri's books had never depicted the hour before the wedding, only the actual wedding, and then there had been only happy faces and smiles. Rei frowned, they ought to add another page to those stories.
He glanced to his right, where Kazuki didn't look his usual self either. He fingered the box with their rings, staring outside.
For a moment Rei considered saying something or reaching out, but he didn't, not wanting to make it awkward, given that they weren't alone. However, Kazuki noticed him looking and turned his head.
They gazed at each other before they eventually began to smile.
Rei nodded to himself and the thought crossed his mind that this was going to be fine; after all, it was Kazuki, the only one he would want to do this with. There was nothing odd about confirming that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this man. Why should he be nervous about it?
When Kazuki reached out, Rei met him halfway, and for the rest of the ride their fingers stayed intertwined. While Kazuki held the box with the rings securely in his hand, Rei propped his elbow on the space under the window and watched the glittering ocean pass by.
If Miri and Kyutaro exchanged a knowing look, the two wouldn't know.
* * *
"That was easy."
They stepped out of the small municipal office and onto the pavement before.
Kazuki nodded to agree with Rei. "Although I could've hacked into their system and make us married for however many years we wanted. But waiting for half an hour because the previous appointment ran late was much more romantic," he added sarcastically.
Rei snorted.
Aside from the waiting time, the procedure itself had been done relatively quickly. A whole series of documents and certificates had been necessary, some of which Rei had fortunately taken with him when he had finally moved out of the family manor. However, some were missing, and since Kazuki also had a few gaps, they had obtained them using familiar means, thanks to Kyutaro's help.
After the formalities came the big question, which Rei and Kazuki answered at the same time, making everyone smile. Eventually they exchanged rings; Rei would always remember the feeling when Kazuki had slipped the ring on his hand. In the end, the protocol was marked with the official seal of the town and the statement concerning the names was signed before they were dismissed.
Kazuki put his hands on his hips and sighed. "Though, we won't get our taxes back."
"Were we actually paying before we settled here?" Rei asked, glancing at Kazuki, who shrugged.
"You weren't," Kyutaro informed them with cocked eyebrows.
"How do you know that?" Kazuki asked, surprised.
"Who do you think I am?"
"Did you pay them?" Rei wanted to know.
"Of course. I had a shop, you know?" Kyutaro chuckled.
Rei frowned, but he didn't argue. Sometimes it was best not to argue with Kyu-chan, after all. Instead, he felt for the new object on his hand and a tingle went through him, just like a few minutes ago when Kazuki had given him the ring.
They were married now, they really were. He shot another glance at Kazuki, his husband, and had to smile. It wasn't just a question uttered on the sand anymore, an idea born at the breakfast table, a simple concept. It had become a reality. But among all the other sensations, there was also relief, so heavy that Rei heaved a deep sigh. "Fucking finally," he breathed out and put his head in his neck.
"Hm?" Kazuki sounded confused. "Couldn't wait to marry me, eh? You could've asked sooner, you know?"
Rei gave him a crooked smile. "No, not that. I'm just… I'm finally rid of that name."
Kazuki frowned. "So that's the real reason you asked, you mean?"
"No," Rei replied, "and you know that. Stop teasing."
A smirk appeared on Kazuki's face. "Well, I'm happy to help. I gladly share my name with you."
"Thanks for having me."
"Always."
Rei raised his hand with the ring and cocked an eyebrow. "I know," he replied, grinning.
"I will stay Unasaka though," Miri chirped.
The three men gave her a similar smile.
"You always will be, Miri," Kazuki said, a twinkle in his eyes.
Miri looked at him, then at Rei and Kyutaro, before she went to hug each of them tightly, finally hiding her face in Rei's chest, who stroked her hair. Then she raised her head and beamed at him and Kazuki.
"You're officially husbands now!"
Kazuki chuckled. "Guess we are, huh?" he said and exchanged a knowing look with Rei, who hummed, still smiling.
After a moment, Kazuki turned around to look at the façade of the municipal office. He exhaled a sigh similar to Rei before, though, not as heavy. "Gosh, we're finally done with that," he mumbled.
"Weren't you looking forward to it, Kazuki-papa?"
"I was! Just not about preparing so much stuff and waiting and talking to that poor registrar who looked like he will retire first thing tomorrow."
"He didn't rush though," Rei commented.
"You're right, he was kind," Kazuki admitted.
"Is it important who married us anyway?" Rei thought aloud, puzzled about such things. When there was no immediate reply, he looked at his husband, who was gazing at him with an expression of awe and wonder. "What?" Rei asked, even more confused.
"He married us," Kazuki mumbled.
The fog cleared and Rei smiled. "Yeah, I know, I was there," he murmured back, then he raised his hand so that pale gold glittered in the sun. "You put it on not five minutes ago, you kn– hmpf!"
Kazuki had put an arm around Rei's shoulder, pulled him in and kissed him square on the mouth. When he let go of his lips, he remained close and only turned his head to look at his own hand where his own ring sparkled. A grin began to breach his lips, wider and wider until most of his teeth were shimmering in the sunlight.
"We're married now!" he exclaimed happily.
"We are," Rei confirmed, gazing at his husband. His chest felt warm, his body tingled, his mind was buzzing yet transfixed on the look on Kazuki's face. He barely registered Kyutaro saying, "it just sinks in now, huh?"
"I'm glad I'll spend tonight at Akiko's place," Miri said.
"What do you mean?" Kyutaro asked.
Miri gave him a look, then turned to her fathers without replying.
"Papa-tachi, can we go now?"
"What do you mean, Miri?" Kyutaro urged to know. "I still have another night at your house."
"Sure, Miri!" Kazuki hollered; he grinned even wider when he looked at Rei again, pulled him closer once more, but kissed his temple this time. "Let's go home and celebrate!"
"How?" Rei wanted to know.
Kazuki tilted his head. "By making a good lunch?"
"How about some French toast?" Rei offered, but his words had his husband pause. "What?"
"Seriously? French toast? On our wedding day?" Kazuki asked.
"It's tasty," Rei said.
"It's nostalgic," Miri said.
"But–" Kazuki began.
"You said lunch," Rei reminded him.
"Yes, Rei. Lunch, not dessert."
"How about something healthy?" Kyutaro suggested.
"There are eggs in French toast," Rei muttered, gazing to the side while his shoulder was still held by Kazuki.
"And sugar, and cream on top," Kyutaro added.
But Miri was already convinced. "Let's have French toast!"
"Yes, let's have French toast," Rei mimicked her and tried to sound just as cheerful, but failed.
Kazuki and Kyutaro exchanged a look; eventually they both sighed in resignation.
"Guess it's decided." Kazuki shrugged.
Rei and Miri cheered, one of them quieter than the other, but no less happy.
Miri was the first to move and dragged Kyutaro to the car. Rei followed, but before that he turned towards his husband and reached out for his hand – the one with the ring. Kazuki gave him a smile, intertwined their fingers, and together they followed the other two to their green awaiting Honda.
Epilogue
It was still early morning when Rei woke up.
He drowsily opened his eyes and blinked towards the window. Through the slit in the curtain he could see the palm trees in the dawn, gently swaying in the wind. The sky was pale blue, the stars were beginning to vanish; the day was ahead.
There was a familiar weight against Rei's back, warm and soft and naked. Rei felt for Kazuki's arm, which lay limp over his hipbone, but as he did so, he noticed a foreign object on his finger – the object that was. He raised his arm, blinked a couple times – his vision became clearer and clearer – and watched it spark and glitter in the growing light: the ring.
Rei stared at it, the awe clearing the sleepiness. He pushed his thumb over the ring, feeling its smooth surface and watched the shimmer of light.
For a whole lifetime he had been used to handling weapons of all kinds, but he had long since been free of that weight. As he now felt for the new object he would be wearing for the rest of his life, he didn't feel like its weight bothered him. The ring had already become a part of his hand, his body, and mind. It felt right, just like the hand above his hip, just like the swaying palm trees in front of the window, and the familiar scents that lingered everywhere around him, the scents of home.
Suddenly, Kazuki behind him stirred. "Hm?" he groaned in question. "Rei?"
Rei looked over his shoulder, and after a moment he said, "thank you."
Confusion furrowed Kazuki's brows as he tried to keep his eyes open. "Wha' you mean?" he mumbled. He pulled his arm away from Rei, but let his elbow rest gently on his side as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his fingers.
"For cleaning up my room," Rei replied.
Kazuki stopped wiping his eyes and looked at Rei with a puzzled expression. "What?" he asked, his lips twitching.
"For sorting my games," Rei continued, never letting go of Kazuki's eyes. "For cooking food, healthy food, for taking care of my laundry."
"Rei, what are you…"
"For accepting me for who I was," Rei whispered, making Kazuki shut up and watch him in silent wonder. "Even though… Even though you barely knew a thing about me when we first met."
"I… figured stuff out along the way," Kazuki muttered. "But Rei, you–"
"And thank you for not walking away when you heard about my family, my father, the things I had to do for him."
Kazuki gazed at him, confusion replaced by growing awareness. "I wasn't exactly a clean slate either, you know?" he said, reaching out to stroke Rei's shoulder.
"Thank you, still," Rei mumbled quietly and relaxed into the touch; it was grounding, like always. "Also for taking Miri with you during that job."
Kazuki glanced back at him.
"For being here with me and…" Rei licked his lips, his eyes flickering from Kazuki to the mattress and back, his heart beating faster. "And for… for not being opposed to marrying me."
Kazuki looked at him for a long moment; his eyes were shimmering, but other than that Rei had no idea what he was thinking.
"Of course not," Kazuki eventually said quietly, slowly shaking his head with a smile on his lips. "It was probably the best decision I ever had."
Rei frowned. "After what?" he wanted to know.
Kazuki looked at him flatly. "Deciding that you were worth it," he simply stated, as if that was the most natural conclusion ever.
The heart rate picked up again and Rei feared that the pounding might be noticed outside of his body; he wouldn't have been surprised if Kazuki had glanced down at his chest and made a comment about it. But he didn't; he was utterly serious about what he had just said.
Rei swallowed thickly, realising what Kazuki meant. "O–oh," he breathed out.
A knowing smile played around Kazuki's lips as he leaned forward to kiss Rei on the temple. "And quitting the job was a pretty good decision, too," Kazuki said. "So was moving here, of course, and opening the diner with you." His eyes wandered off and gazed around the room without actually looking at anything in particular. Finally he glanced back at Rei.
"But you're the best one of them."
Rei watched him for a long time, letting his husband's words replay in his mind; he remembered turning through the pages of colourful pictures, full of tulle dresses, glass shoes, swords and armour, and the occasional dragon. He stayed quiet, but his lips began to twitch.
Kazuki, who of course noticed this, frowned. "Spill it," he said.
Rei shrugged. "It's just like in the books," he said and added, "corny."
A little sigh escaped Kazuki's lips. "Seriously," he said with a furrowed brow, "what kind of books did we read to Miri?"
Rei chuckled and leaned back against Kazuki's chest, closing his eyes for a moment. He could hear a bird sing just outside their window and the rustling of the palm trees as they danced in the wind. He felt his husband's breath against his shoulder and Kazuki himself tracing arbitrary patterns on his upper arm.
"So tell me, Rei."
"Hm?" He opened his eyes and looked back over his shoulder.
Kazuki smirked crookedly at him, but his eyes sparkled, just as they always did on Christmas Eve. "Marrying," he said, "Is it like a fairy tale? Just like in the books?"
Surprise flitted through Rei, confusing him for a moment. But then he smiled. "No," he said, "it's so much better."
And then he leaned forward to kiss the smirk off his husband's lips.