Chapter Text
The first time Ted rejected food was as an apology.
"Hey- What did you do!?" He remembers Diego yelling, he didn't mean to scratch up the guitar. He just dropped it. "I-I'm so sorry I..." He managed to stammer out, It was a pathetic apology, really. He was never good at apologies. Diego's face scrunched up into an expression of hurt, or what Ted thought was hurt. Ted didn't know what to say, so he just stood there like an idiot. That guitar meant a lot to Diego, he had said such, and yet Ted still couldn't stop himself from damaging it. He felt his eyes sting with tears, but he would rather die than cry in front of Diego, so he just regretfully stared at the ground, like a child being scolded. Diego opened his mouth to say something, but no words were heard. He then picked up his guitar, and a rock. Ted looked at him, bewildered, what could he want with those? That was until Diego started scratching something into the base of the guitar. Ted was shocked, "Diego, what are you doing!?" He said, running towards the scene. The initials 'T + D' were carved into the base, encased in a heart. The engravement covered up the previous scratches. The scratches he caused. Even if Diego smiled, and said "Now you really can't die on me," that guilt made him feel sick.
Which is why he gave all the food he collected to Diego that day. Diego tried to reject it, but Ted insisted upon it. He didn't deserve it anyways. Eventually, he got Diego to accept it under the guise he had eaten on the way back from his foraging expedition.
An unwritten rule had embedded himself into Ted's mind that day.
If he ever screwed up, Diego could have all the food he gathered.
Turns out, Ted screws up a lot.
"Are you really sure you aren't hungry?" Diego started saying nearly every day. Ted always responded with, "Yeah, don't worry about it."
Soon, Ted found himself resenting the taste of food. It always felt foreign on his tongue, so he started intensely analyzing every detail of Diego's face and body language. If he seemed even slightly upset with something he did or said, it was just another excuse to not eat. It became a win-win scenario. Well, not entirely, Ted's stomach still constantly ached, demanding some sort of nourishment. That perpetual pain made the system he made stand, it was still a punishment for messing up. He eventually forgot what even counted as a mistake, all he knows is that somewhere along the line, Diego looked increasingly concerned each day. What did he do? It doesn't really matter anymore does it? If he's unhappy, Ted doesn't eat. Those were the rules, and they were pretty damn easy to follow.
The first time it was an apology, hell, the first five were. Then it became habit, only using the apology aspect as justification. The pang of hunger aided in proving nothing was a dream as the days blurred into each other. It got to a point where he couldn't remember what day it was, or even what month it was. He only ate what he couldn't convince Diego to keep. Every time he did that he felt the urge to throw up. He guesses that's how he avoided starving to death. Another thing that showed how undeserving he was of Diego. He could swear he looked paler and thinner each time he saw his reflection. It was probably just his imagination. Even if it wasn't, he didn't think Diego would notice. At some point in time, Ted could barely walk, but he made sure to not let Diego worry any more. He said he had hurt his foot searching for food. It seemed to work, from what Ted could see of Diego's blurry face...was it always that way? He can't remember. Was he always this tired? Well...he must have been or he would've remembered otherwise.
The days (or what he thought were days) seemed to go in slow motion, but Ted could never remember for the life of him what even happened in those days. He only felt his fatigue grow with each passing second, and the pain of his hunger grow unbearably strong. Diego was talking to him...he thinks. He can't make out any legible words. When did these black spots get here, and why were they growing?
Then everything went dark.