Chapter Text
Feng Xin was having a surprisingly productive day, so he was almost expecting it when Pei Ming entered his Communication Array with a sheepish tone while he finished up paperwork from a recent mission.
‘General Nan Yang! How’s it going?’
‘Cut the shit and tell me what happened, Pei Ming.’
‘Right, so… You know how His Highness and I were working together to track that spirit?’ Feng Xin groaned and laid his head down on his desk. He was alone in his office. He was allowed to be a little undignified. Pei Ming continued. ‘Right. Well, the good news is we caught the spirit! But, uh, he hit His Highness with something and now he seems to have forgotten everything since shortly after his first ascension.’
Feng Xin sincerely considered smacking his head against his desk until he forgot Pei Ming ever contacted him.
‘So I’ve got it mostly under control, I calmed him down and explained to him and I think he believes me, but it would probably go over better if someone he knows told him too,’ Pei Ming said. Feng Xin indulged in one head slam before replying.
‘Fine, I’ll be there soon.’
‘Great-’ Pei Ming started, but Feng Xin cut him off.
‘But! I’m bringing Crimson Rain and I’m definitely telling him it’s your fault.’
Pei Ming was quiet for a moment, then spoke in a resigned voice, ‘See you soon.’
Xie Lian had given Hua Cheng’s spiritual array password to Feng Xin and Mu Qing in case of emergency recently, and at the time Feng Xin had sworn to never use it. He still found it hard to believe that Xie Lian actually says it regularly, and if he happened to rant about it for multiple hours then that was no one’s business but his (and Mu Qing, who of course was the one subjected to the rant).
He shuddered reciting it now, but this was unfortunately the kind of situation he was given the password for, and considering the alternative is going to Ghost City to track Hua Cheng down he picked the lesser of two evils and recited it through gritted teeth.
‘Hua Cheng.’
‘What.’ It wasn’t the nicest greeting, perhaps, but it’s a lot better than Feng Xin would have gotten from the Ghost King even a few years ago, so he let it slide.
‘Pei Ming fucked up and Xie Lian forgot everything since his first ascension.’ Best to just get it all out there at once. ‘If you want to go see him, meet me-’ Feng Xin didn’t get to finish before an angry blur of crimson appeared next to him. “...outside my palace, I was going to say outside my palace. You couldn’t have waited for me to finish the sentence?”
Hua Cheng just glared at him, singular eye glowing red.
“Yeah, yeah,” Feng Xin sighed. “Save some of that for Pei Ming. I’m just the guy he turned to to fix his fuck-up.”
“Oh, believe me, I’ve saved a lot for Pei Ming,” Hua Cheng promised in a voice that sent chills down Feng Xin’s spine. Then, he tossed his dice and the two of them vanished in a flash.
The last thing Feng Xin was expecting when they arrived was to be met with an armful of Xie Lian and a pair of lips pressed to his own. His eyes widened in shock. His muscles shut down, leaving him frozen. All he could think about was the last time he’d felt this, nearly 800 years ago.
Xie Lian hadn’t been the same since he came back from wherever he had been the last few months. None of them had been doing particularly well, of course, especially since Mu Qing…
Well.
Feng Xin pushed down the wave of emotion (rage and hurt and loss and so much more) that threatened to overtake him every time he thought about Mu Qing and went back to studying Xie Lian. The former prince was asleep, though his rest was fitful. Honestly, Feng Xin was surprised he was even allowed to be there, considering he hadn’t exactly had the best reaction when Xie Lian returned after vanishing for months. He had been worried and afraid, and lashed out. Still, when he followed Xie Lian into their room that night, the prince hadn’t said anything, only climbed into their bed and curled up facing away from him.
They had spent a few days now in this state of tension. During the day, Xie Lian was curt with everyone, lashing out at the smallest things and avoiding any mention of where he had been or what had happened. At night, he and Feng Xin silently lay in bed and barely slept. Any rest they did manage to get would inevitably be interrupted by Xie Lian startling and thrashing, though he never cried out. He flinched away when Feng Xin tried to help.
By the time Feng Xin stopped pretending to sleep, the Queen was already awake and cooking. He grimaced internally, not wanting to have to force himself through another of her attempts at food, but said nothing and went to set the table.
Xie Lian joined them as she was finishing up, and watched silently as she carried the food to the table. Feng Xin nodded to him in greeting, but quickly left to take food and medicine to the King. He and Xie Lian had fought again yesterday, and he wasn’t entirely sure where they stood now, but after breakfast he resolved to try and talk it out. As he was coaxing the King into taking his medicine, however, he heard yelling coming from the kitchen, and when he returned, Xie Lian was gone.
He spent the rest of the day consoling the Queen, who was convinced she had driven her son away again, and that he wouldn’t return. He did his best to dissuade her, but it was hard when he couldn’t help but worry about the same thing. It was a relief to both of them when Xie Lian returned late that night, less so when Feng Xin followed him to their shared room and watched him throw down a couple sacks filled with gold and silver.
“What- Where did this come from?” Feng Xin asked, jumping up in shock.
“Relax,” Xie Lian said, sitting down and starting to go through the haul. “I paid a visit to a big household in the city. No one saw me.”
Feng Xin’s eyes widened. “You stole them?!” He barely remembered to keep his voice down so he wouldn’t disturb the King and Queen in the next room.
“There’s no need to look at me like that,” Xie Lian dismissed. “Everyone was having a hard time. This will make things easier.”
Something in Feng Xin broke as he looked at his prince, his best friend, his beloved, the one who had always done what was right, no matter how difficult, and realized that he didn’t recognize him. It was scary. He stumbled back a step and whispered, “What made you this way?”
“What way?” Xie Lian looked up at him, and it truly looked like he couldn’t tell he was acting any different than usual. Feng Xin was afraid. He channeled it into anger.
“Look at yourself! Look at what you’ve become! I’ve already stopped asking about the robbery, so how did things get even worse?!”
Xie Lian snorted. “I knew it.”
“Knew what?”
“I knew you were still hung up on Mu Qing and the robbery thing.” Feng Xin wanted to protest, but Xie Lian rose and began stalking towards him and the words got caught in his throat. “You wanted to ask, but you didn’t have the heart. You’ve thought about it a thousand times, right?” He kept closing in as he spoke until he was directly in Feng Xin’s face. “Well you can stop obsessing about it. I’ll tell you the truth: I robbed someone.”
“You…” Feng Xin got in his face then. “If you’re willing to do those things then why have we been suffering until now? Are you really going to just throw everything away like that? What happened to the Royal Highness I used to follow?” He was hissing in anger, barely containing himself to not disturb the King and Queen.
“He was a dumbass!” Xie Lian snapped back. “I never fought back when I was beaten, never talked back when I was cursed, and always overestimated myself. Who’s so determined to save the common people? A dumbass, that’s who. Is that who you want me to be, Feng Xin? Because I won’t be that person anymore, I’ve come to my senses.”
“Are you crazy? When did you become like this? I’m… Why did I follow you all this time?” Feng Xin didn’t know what to do. It was as if everything he knew was turned on its head.
“I’m not crazy. It’s the old me that was crazy, and if you can’t accept that then maybe you should just leave.”
Feng Xin felt his heart skip a beat. “...What?”
“I said leave. Don’t follow me anymore.” Xie Lian repeated.
“Are you…” Feng Xin’s voice cracked as he spoke, “breaking up with me?”
“I guess I am.” Xie Lian’s voice wavered slightly, but he held firm. “You clearly can’t handle who I am, so I’m telling you not to. Leave.”
Feng Xin’s entire world was breaking down around him. He had been frustrated, yes, but to leave? He never would have imagined this, especially not after Mu Qing left. He had held Xie Lian that entire night as he cried and swore he would never do the same, only to now be told to go. He tried to protest, to put any of the emotions he was feeling into words, but his mouth refused to cooperate. Instead, he did the only thing he could think of to show Xie Lian what he was feeling: he kissed him.
The kiss tasted like tears. When it broke, both of their faces were wet. For a moment, something cracked in Xie Lian’s expression and Feng Xin saw the prince he remembered, but it quickly closed off.
“Leave,” Xie Lian repeated a final time. Feng Xin obeyed. He would regret it forever. And 800 years later, when Xie Lian kissed him again, it would still taste like the tears from that night.