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The Black family has always prided themselves on their twins. Twins! What an extraordinary feat. Everybody knew twins made the strongest witches and wizards. They strengthened each other, the magic of the one nurturing the other and vice versa. Any set of twins was destined to do great things later in life – but twins of an ancient pureblood house such as the Blacks? They had success and good fortune running through their veins.
Sirius and Regulus liked to have fun with the twin myths. People believed they could speak to each other telepathically or had access to some secret, ancient twin magic. They never denied those things – and they knew each other well enough to make it seem like they could communicate through their thoughts.
They looked alike, of course, and their mother had always made them look identical down to the last millimetre of hair, but, to her dismay, they grew up to be very different people.
Regulus has always been the quiet, shy one while Sirius hoarded all the extrovertism, social skills and charisma for himself.
Regulus was ambitious, liked to read and learn by self-study, did sports because he was good at it and not for the workout. He liked pretty things like old books, dried flowers and dainty little tea cups.
Sirius prioritised having fun above all else. He was talented and smart, but he despised studying. Reading was boring to him, and he preferred to teach himself actual skills – guitar, drums, painting, even handy stuff like how muggle machinery worked and could be repaired. He always talked about setting himself apart from Regulus by getting his lips and ears pierced – but when he finally got ear piercings, he convinced his brother to get them, too.
It so happened, that one twin was sorted into Slytherin like the rest of his family, and the other was sorted into Gryffindor.
This had shocked the wizarding community at the time, but Sirius was convinced that it was all some long con joke by the sorting hat. Maybe his mother had kicked the hat at some point during her Hogwarts years and he tried to give her a heart attack in retaliation, so his theory.
Somehow, the twins were proving all those twins myths about power and talent correct. They weren’t bad at anything. Anything. Not a single subject. And they excelled at Quidditch, too – Regulus as a seeker, Sirius as a beater.
It was infuriating.
James, who was Sirius’s best friend and brother in mind, was mercilessly failing potions and Sirius was collecting O’s left and right – even for subjects he didn’t care for and allegedly sucked at. Even those he habitually skipped and couldn’t even say what they were about he got full marks in every test and every practical application exercise. Even potions.
Despite this, he refused to help James with any of his problems.
Infuriating.
James wasn’t a naturally suspicious person. He would never expect Sirius to cheat without telling him how – he was too loyal of a friend for that. Right?
So, how come that when James was about to go to History of Magic and checked the Map for his friends, he saw Regulus’s name tag in the classroom, but now saw his mate Sirius lounging in his usual spot waiting for him?
James frowned at him. The spot to his right, where Remus usually sat, was empty. Remus rarely skipped a class and if he did, then only because Sirius convinced him and bribed him with kisses.
James took the seat to ‘Sirius’s’ right. “Hey.”
“What took you so long? I almost thought you’d bail on me.”
“Speaking of, where’s your boyfriend?”
“Should be right back with Wormtail, so, get out of his spot.”
Okay, maybe James was just going crazy. Regulus didn’t call them by their nicknames. He thought they were lame.
James switched to his other side. Sirius doodled something on his paper. James glanced at it and recognised the letters R + S surrounded by little moons and stars.
This was Sirius.
James was going insane.
Maybe the map got confused. It was probably a prank Sirius tried to play on them and now he lay in wait for them to notice.
Remus and Peter made their way back to the classroom just before Professor Binns started his lecture. Sirius looked up at his boyfriend, gazing at him for a moment, before smirking and showing off his doodles.
James could barely concentrate on Binn’s monologues on a good day, but today he was entirely too distracted by what was happening next to him.
Sirius leaned his head against Remus’s shoulder and traced a heart on his hand with his pencil. Regulus would never do these things. This was Sirius’s boyfriend, and, from all James had seen, Regulus disliked physical contact.
On the other hand, Sirius was far less touchy with Remus than usual, which was suspicious. The biggest clue though, the one piece James needed to be sure, was that ‘Sirius’ was taking notes.
Sirius never took notes. They were in their fifth year of Hogwarts and Sirius didn’t even own a notepad at this point. He had a sketchbook he carried around and used to doodle or sketch Remus during class. This one had an entire notebook in front of him, took notes, and paid attention to Binns.
Something was wrong.
After the class ended, Remus put his arm around ‘Sirius’ as they walked out of the room. They had Herbology next. ‘Sirius’ didn’t make a move to leave the group until they were about to leave the castle.
“You go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.” He said pointing toward the bathrooms.
“We can wait,” Remus said.
‘Sirius’ scoffed, “And ensure that the Puffs snatch our spots? No way. Go on.” He then kissed the back of Remus’s hand, knowing it would make him soft and compliant.
So they headed in opposite directions.
James didn’t trust any of this. He excused himself from his friends as well and followed ‘Sirius.’
Of course, he did not enter the bathrooms but kept walking.
James caught up with him and exclaimed, “Regulus!”
He stopped. He turned around, looking at James with raised eyebrows. “Not quite, Prongs.” He pointed at his Gryffindor tie. “You good? What are you doing here?”
“Oh, drop the act. I know it’s you.” James regarded him from head to foot. There must be something to give him away. “Sirius can’t go this long without kissing Remus at least once.”
“I kissed his hand. You were there. My, my, Prongs when did you turn into such a pervert that you want to watch us shag, huh?” He smirked.
Oddly enough, it was the smirk that gave him away. Sirius’s typical smirk looked entirely different than Regulus’s. Sirius was more smug, while Regulus’s eyes flashed gleefully for a moment. He’d recognise the difference anywhere.
“It is you. So, where’s Sirius? Did you switch places just so he could skip History of Magic?”
Regulus rolled his eyes in a way that was also distinctly him. “I had a transfiguration test he took for me.”
“Merlin’s balls, that’s how you’re both excelling at every little thing you do, isn’t it? You just swap places when one of you is better at a subject than the other.”
“Maybe.”
“So, you’re the reason he has such good marks in potions. He’s still rubbish at it, but you… you’ve got it all down.”
“I am rather excellent at potions, yes. Listen, I have Arithmancy in a few minutes and Sirius and I need to switch back. So, are you satisfied? Can I go now?”
“Not yet. Wait a moment there, it just occurred to me… this is cheating. You could be expelled for this. So… I have leverage, here, don’t I?”
Regulus slowly raised his eyebrows at him. “Are you trying to blackmail me?”
“Yes.”
Regulus smirked again. “My, my, Potter. I must confess, I have never respected you as much as I do right now.” He looked him up and down, slowly dragging his eyes across his body until finally settling on his face.
He could feel his cheeks grow hot.
“We both know that Sirius is your best friend and you consider him your brother. You would never betray him and get him expelled. You couldn’t if you tried. I’m 95% sure you’re physically unable to do anything to hurt your relationship with him.
“What about the other 5%?”
“That’s a very specific scenario and a lot of hope from my side.”
James sighed. “Can we just pretend I have leverage? I’ve always wanted to have leverage against someone.”
Another eye-roll. “Fine. I’ll indulge you. Name your price.”
“I need you to tutor me.”
“What?”
“Tutor me in potions. Please. I’m failing spectacularly, and I need to get an E in potions to take the NEWT level classes – and then i need to somehow get my NEWT in potions to become an Auror. My entire future depends on this, Regulus! Please.”
Regulus frowns at him. “You want me to tutor you?”
“Yes!”
Before he could answer, Sirius – the real one – appeared from around a corner. “There you are! I was waiting!” Then he noticed James and quickly adopted Regulus’s typical posture. “Potter. Sirius, you promised to meet under four eyes, not to bring four-eyes.”
“Drop the act, he knows. Now, give me back my clothes.”
Sirius grinned at James and switched his uniform with his brother.
“How was the test?”
“Fine. How was Binns?”
“Boring. But with the notes I took, me and my friends can skip his lesson tomorrow. Also, I kissed your boyfriend.”
“That’s fine. I licked that boy from head to toe. He’s mine, forever.”
Regulus grimaced and shook his head.
“Let’s go,” Sirius said after throwing his tie around his neck. He grabbed James by the wrist and pulled him away.
“Potter,” Regulus called after him. “Tomorrow, library, 5pm.”
***
James entered the library around five. He needed a while until he located Regulus near the potion books.
“You’re late,” He said without looking up from the notebook in front of him.
“You said five.”
“It’s six after five.” He closed his notebook and looked up at him in a way that made it seem like he was looking down at him at the same time. He had one of those stupidly fancy pocket watches in his hand.
“If you take potions as seriously as punctuality, it’s clear why you suck so much.”
Maybe this was a bad idea.
“Alright, sorry. Merlin’s blue balls, calm down.”
“You asked me for help. Now, you must deal with my teaching methods. Sit.”
James, against his better judgement, sat.
“Let’s start with seeing how bad you are. I drafted a test for you.”
“A test?”
“Yes. Mostly basic stuff from years 1 through 5. I’m feeling gracious, so I made it multiple choice. Here’s a quill.”
He held out a spare quill to him, as James hadn’t brought anything. He didn’t expect he would have to write anything down. He also didn't expect to write a test right away without any kind of revision.
“You’ve got twenty minutes. You shouldn’t need more than ten. Begin.” He put the pocket watch and the test paper in front of him and then leaned back in his chair. Watching.
Fun.
So much fun.
What was past-James thinking, asking this bloke for help?
Then he remembered the sequence of Os the Black brothers had in potions and began to read the questions.
He needed all twenty minutes and there were still questions he hadn’t answered and most of the rest was probably wrong.
Regulus snatched the paper from him and then used red ink to correct it.
James sighed to himself. He could be with his mates right now, planning a new prank or something. He could be doing anything more enjoyable than this – like getting fisted by a hedgehog, for example.
Regulus returned the test to him. “So, what happened in third year? That’s when you checked out of this stuff, clearly. You’re trying to get into a NEWT level potions class while operating on a third-year level.”
James frowned at the red marks all over his Page. Regulus and Sirius even had the same handwriting. How was this even possible?
“Also, the instructions clearly say ‘tick’ and you crossed. If I were mean, I would label every answer as incorrect. You’re lucky that I’m in such a good mood today, I only subtracted one point.”
James looked at his completely neutral face and vague expression of annoyance. What did he look like when he wasn’t in a good mood?
“Come on now, ticks or crosses? That’s just ridiculous.”
“It’s basic reading skills, Potter. If you can’t follow such a simple instruction how are you going to follow complicated potion recipes?”
James wanted to reply something witty but Regulus waved his words away and slid a textbook to him.
“We’ll start with this. I want you to read pages 318 to 329 and take notes during it. Then you can summarise the important points back to me.”
“Are you serious?”
“No, Regulus. Which is why you asked me for help and not my less intelligent double.”
“Don’t you rely on him for good marks as much as he relies on you?”
“Rely is such an ugly word. I’m a Slytherin. I don’t rely, I use. And now, do your work or find a new dream profession. It’s up to you.”
James glared at him, cursing him to oblivion, and then opened the textbook.
***
“This is too hard,” James complained and banged his head on the tomb before him.
“Careful that thing is worth more than you. And has more knowledge in it too.”
It was week 3 of this arrangement and James has never regretted anything more in his life. Sure, he finally understood things they had about 2 years ago but at what cost?
Regulus rolled his pretty eyes at him and pulled a tiny praline out of his pocket. He’s been snacking on them all day.
“Secret admirer. Why, jealous?” Regulus had said about it.
Secret admirer. And they got him chocolates? How unoriginal. When James tried to impress a girl, he spent hours twisting wrappers into flowers and placing the sweets inside the petals. That might have been the reason he failed potions in his fourth year. But at least he was original and made an effort. (It hadn’t been well received as Lily pointed out that he had unwrapped and touched every piece which was kind of yucky.)
“How many of those do you have?” James asked confused when Regulus bit into another praline. They were tiny but he insisted on eating them slowly, bit by bit, savouring the taste of each layer.
“A few. Now, concentrate.”
“I can’t!” He whined. “I can’t concentrate. This sucks. I need a break.”
“We’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes, you don’t need a break yet.”
“Yes, I do. I need a snack and sunlight – I need to feel the wind on my face and remember that I’m alive, Reg. I’m developing an allergy to this place.”
“Don’t call me Reg.”
“Reggie.”
“Even worse.”
James whined dramatically.
“Don’t be such a baby. Try again from the top: Name three potions in which salamander blood is used.”
James sighed and pressed his face into the cover of the book. Luckily, he had discarded his glasses a few questions ago, or he would have broken them by now.
“Strengthening Solition. Wiggenweld Potion. Fire Protection potion.”
“Correct. So what might be the reason for that? What might be the properties of the blood?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re not trying.”
“I am. I’m just stupid.”
Regulus sighed. “Well, I’m not going to argue with you on that. Here’s the deal: tell me what you think the salamander blood might do and you get a treat.”
James opened one eye. “A treat?”
Regulus sat one of the pralines on the table between them.
James grabbed his glasses. It was a perfect little cube of white and dark chocolate layers. Or was it nougat? Maybe it was nougat...
Fire protection. Wiggenweld was a healing potion. Strengthening solution...
“Does it have like... it increases resistance, it heals and strengthens so... does it have healing properties itself?”
Then Regulus did something James hadn’t seen him do before: He smiled.
He had a nice smile, effortless and small like it was supposed to only reach one person at a time. Sirius smiled differently. He was all wide grins and teeth for everyone to see and marvel at.
Regulus pushed the sweet to him. “Very good. See, wasn’t so hard. You just need to deduce ingredient properties from the potions they are used in.”
James ate his treat. It was nougat. Perfect.
“Wow, these are amazing!”
“I know.”
“Secret admirer, huh? Any inkling who they are?”
Regulus shook his head. “I didn’t mean that literally. They’re from Pandora, my friend. Her hobby of the month is making pralines in her dorm room. Her dormmates hate her but everybody else is loving it because she gives them away.”
“Wait, she made these? Merlin’s balls, marry her.”
Regulus almost laughed at that. “I would. Our parents have tried to get us together. But unfortunately, she is... not my type.”
“Mate, she makes nougat. Whatever your type is, you need to reevaluate that shit.”
“I know. My taste in people is atrocious. I only have crushes on the most stupid and immature jocks I can find.”
James wondered if he meant anyone in particular. The only sporty girl he had seen Regulus talk to was Dorcas, from the Slytherin quidditch team. She was neither stupid nor immature. She was, however, gay.
It then occurred to James, was Regulus into women at all? If Pandora wasn’t his type?
“You’re staring at me. Stop that. Back to work.”
“Right. Can I get another treat?”
“Can you tell me another ingredient of Strengthening solution?”
James eyed the pocket with the pralines. “Uhm, pressed Griffin claw?”
“Not quite.”
“Powdered?”
Regulus gave him another praline. This one had an almond inside of it. James must befriend Pandora!
***
Regulus kept using treats to encourage James during their study sessions. Pandora made some of them, but sometimes he brought sweets from Honeydukes.
“Next week, we should finally get some practical application in,” Regulus said when they wrapped it up the following Friday.
“Practical?”
“Yes. Potion making. We just need ingredients and a room. You can organise that, right?”
“What? How am I supposed to do that?”
Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, are you suddenly unable to break into rooms? Or does that only work if you want to misuse it for your silly pranks?”
Somehow it hadn’t occurred to James that Regulus, who seemed a classic goody-two-shoes next to Sirius, would ask him to “organise something” by breaking the rules. That was more than doable, of course.
“I didn’t think you had a heart for a little rule-breaking and a bit of mischief.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. Then he shows that damn smirk of his again and leaned closer. “Did you really think it was Sirius’s idea to switch places for tests? As if he cared enough about marks to suggest it.”
He smelled like sweets and expensive perfume.
***
James took Regulus to an empty classroom, which he knew from the map always lay undisturbed.
He had also stolen or bought all the ingredients Regulus needed.
“Did I do a good job, or what?” James exclaimed with spread-out arms as if he had built the room himself.
Regulus hummed and inspected the different ingredients. James couldn’t let this slide. Regulus was ruthless in his feedback, he could praise him at least this once, right? Also, maybe he brought treats...
James came to the workstation and leaned over it until he was in Regulus’s space. “Did I do good?”
Regulus looked back at him with those pretty, silver eyes. In the warm light of the room, they looked more dark grey, like the stones by the black lake. There was some green and blue in them if you looked for it. His lashes were jet black and far longer than they should reasonably be.
“You did well, yes.”
James grinned.
“Let’s see if you can do adequately at the very least,” He sorted the ingredients into two piles and pointed at the smaller one. “Can you deduce from these ingredients what potion you’re supposed to make?”
Regulus hadn’t moved away from him yet, and neither had James. He’s really pretty up close. Most people aren’t too pretty when you are close enough to see every dent in their skin. He is.
“I think I should get a treat for doing well with the room.”
“Your treat will be a mark that isn’t below average and a shot at getting into a NEWT potions class, Potter.”
James pouted, batting his lashes at him.
Their faces were so close, that James could feel his breath on his face when Regulus sighed and pulled a hard candy out of his pocket.
“There. And I thought my brother was the dog out of the two of you. Now, rake up the remains of your brain and tell me what we’re doing here.”
James looked at the ingredients before them. He blanked.
“I don’t know.”
“Take your time. Look at what we have. Think about what the ingredients typically do in their potions instead of trying to remember which potion has this exact combination.”
James took his time with each thing in front of him, picked them up, tossed them from one hand to the other, and tried to remember which they had talked about and why.
“Ginger is used in, like, a thousand things.”
“Yes, and makes horrible tea. If it doesn’t tell you anything, move on to the next.”
He took a jar with a brown-green liquid. He opened it and sniffed it – regretting it immediately.
“Oh, Merlin’s Balls, what’s this? It smells like vomit!”
“Read the label...”
James unrolled the tag on it. It was the Armadillo bile the Marauders had stolen the night before.
The last two ingredients were a glass of tiny, red Newt spleens (James tried not to think too much about the cute, tiny newts which were now spleen-less) and a jar of scarab beetles.
“James, just deal with them one by one, mentally.”
He nodded and rubbed the glass of beetles between his hands.
“Scarab beetles... form of beetle, obviously. Used in... many things, loads of things, so many things... Skele-Gro? I think they’re used in that, and... wit-sharpening potion?”
“Anything else?”
James stared at the dried beetles. “No.”
“Alright. Next.”
“Newt Spleens. Aging potion. But it can’t be an aging potion bevause you need a snake, a leaf and a banana for that.”
“Do I want to know why you know the ingredients of that potion, of all things?”
James grinned at him and winked.
“What else do we need Spleens for?”
“No idea.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I don’t know. ...What about this bile shit? I know that you can make an Armadillo Bile mixture which is supposed to eat itself through all kinds of shit like acid. Can we do that?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Can we make a bomb out of this stuff? It smells like a nice prank.”
“Sure, then I’ll dump it on your bed and all your clothes. Concentrate.”
James pouted and looked at the glass with the bile again. He had that stuff in potions class before. He remembered because it was a vile smell.
“Oi, we used this when we made whit-sharpening potion!” He exclaimed. “And the beetles are also for that potion.”
“And the other two?”
James recalled the day they made this potion in class. The smell had coated the entire room and made it unbearable to breathe – Remus had said something like, ‘suddenly Ginger tea doesn’t smell so bad, does it?’
“Ginger is in it too. And i guess the spleens?”
“Yes. Very good.” Regulus walked around the table and placed another piece of candy next to his hand. “Now, look for the recipe in your textbook.”
***
James was shocked to find out that Regulus wanted him to study even when they were days away from a Quidditch match.
“If you can get up at 5 to run around the lake, you can also study in the afternoon.”
“I literally can’t. They cancel each other out.”
“Do you want to be a professional Quidditch player or an Auror?”
“I-“
“Gryffindor can’t win against me anyway, regardless whether you get enough training hours in.”
“My team is objectively better than yours. I made statistics on this – our chasers score more on average than yours, our keeper prevents more points.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, you made statistics?”
“I looked at the records, put them into tables and calculated the average, yes. I need the numbers for our team. Our captain doesn’t do it, but I know that we can only be better if we keep an eye on our performances.”
Regulus kept staring at him.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just need a minute to comprehend this information. …You gathered data and compiled statistics.” He turned away but his cheeks had taken on a curiously pinkish colour.
“Anyway,” He cleared his throat and pointed at the textbook in front of James. “Read.”
“Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? Stop distracting yourself. Read.”
“Are you... blushing?”
“I don’t blush.”
His cheeks darkened even more. He was blushing.
Why? Because James could do math?
“I’m just embarrassed for you because you’re usually so stupid that the fact that you can count is surprising.”
He was cute when he blushed but adorable when he tried to make an excuse for blushing.
Some corner of his brain, likely responsible for self-preservation, told him he should stop thinking of his best friend’s twin as cute or adorable or think too much about his pretty eyes.
“Besides, your math is futile. My chasers don’t have to score more often than yours, they just need to score enough for us to win when I, inevitably, catch the snitch before your Seeker.”
“Maybe, but you were blushing.”
“That’s it. No treats for you today. Read.”
“I feel like I already got a treat.” He winked and pulled the text to him.
***
James’s chasers were better than Slytherin’s. Everyone who played against Slytherin knew that they had no chance against Regulus and had to try to win by scoring enough points to have a higher score even after the snitch was caught.
For this, James had to focus. While this was usually hard for him, it came naturally to him with this game. Not even being a bit more tired from all the homework and tutoring could distract him.
Regulus hasn’t had much to do as of yet and somehow ended up near James in the air.
It was cold but sunny, so his cheeks were bright red and his hands were covered by gloves. The sun hit his curls, highlighting small, brown strands and fly-aways. Did his eyes sparkle like his silver rings when he was in the sun like this? James moved toward him.
It almost looked like he was blushing again.
Regulus noticed him and looked at him with one raised eyebrow.
A smile tugged on one corner of his mouth. James got closer. He had to see the full smile, and he had to see it up close.
“Oi, Potter!” someone yelled from across the pitch and James looked up just in time to see a Bludger soaring his way. He ducked away and, to his horror, noticed that he was several metres away from his teammates.
Regulus chuckled somewhere behind him and James had to call on all his self-control to not turn to him. He hurried back to his team, earning all kinds of frowns and glares, and got back into the game.
They lost, of course.
Regulus gave them hope by catching the snitch rather late and let them have the small satisfaction of a close call.
***
“What the fuck was that today?” Sirius exclaimed when the Marauders were back in their dorm. “What were you doing across the pitch? Did you get a few too many Bludgers against the head and it’s finally catching up to you?”
“Nothing. I just… I don’t know, I got distracted. I’m sorry.”
“Distracted by… Regulus?” Moony asked, cocking his head to the side. His doing that was never a good sign. It meant he was about to realise that they made a fatal mistake and scold them for it. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately.”
“He’s tutoring me in potions, as your boyfriend is utter rubbish at helping me.”
“Oi,” Sirius exclaimed. “My marks are better than yours, aren’t they?”
“Yes, but we both know why. Reg is a good teacher.”
“Reg. I see.”
James hated his friends sometimes. He turned to Wormtail. “Wormy, let’s go to the Great Hall. I need to eat.”
“Oh, come on. I stood in the cold for your game for hours. You could at least do me the favour of letting me watch him chew you out,” Peter complained, pouting theatrically.
“It’s not even like we lost because of me! We would have lost regardless. Reg is just too good.”
“Yes, yes, Reg is incredible, I’m sure.” Moony smirked.
Sirius looked at his boyfriend. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I’m the one you should find incredible, not my brother.”
“You look the same. You can’t expect me to only find one of you enticing, love. But don’t worry, I prefer you.” He pushed himself up from his bed and kissed Sirius’s cheek.
“Yeah, you better. I’m much more likeable. It’s not like we’re the same person. We’re very different and you must only love me.”
Remus kissed him again and whispered something to him, making Sirius smile and giggle like a child.
The twins were very different, of course. Sirius could never treat him like Regulus did during their tutoring sessions. James loved Sirius like a brother, but he didn’t fascinate him the way Regulus did. He never noticed how his eyes changed in the light or how he looked when he blushed – although they had the same eyes and cheeks.
Remus looked up from his boyfriend to glance at James. He had that look in his eyes that said,+ that he knew something about you. He winked at him and turned back to Sirius.
“You’re not too different though, aren’t you? You and Regulus?”
“What do you mean? Are you saying you fancy my brother? Betrayal!”
“Never,” Remus laughed and kissed him. “Just wondering, does he like boys? Is that a twin thing, sexual orientation?”
Sirius looked at him thoughtfully. “Yeah, he’s gay. Gayer than me, probably. Don’t tell anyone, though. But it being a twin thing… never thought about it. Do you think we have the same taste in men? O! Do you think he fancies you?”
James could almost see how nightmare scenarios of Regulus kissing Remus while impersonating Sirius flashed before his eyes.
“O, that little piss-face! If I catch him-“
“Relax, Love. I’m certain he doesn’t fancy me that much.”
“But you’re hot. Why wouldn’t he fancy you?”
“Just an inkling,” he said, kissed him again and winked at James.
James had no idea why the bloke kept winking at him like they had a secret between them – well, unless he figured out that the twins switched as well! No, couldn’t be. Remus clearly had no clue that half of the time he was touching Sirius during classes he was actually flirting with Regulus.
James remembered how Regulus would doodle Remus’s name, trace hearts on his skin and kiss his hand while pretending to be Sirius – how he gleefully told Sirius that he had kissed his boyfriend! And Regulus was gay! Maybe he had a thing for Remus after all?
James wasn’t altogether sure why the thought gave him a stomach ache.
***
James had an important test coming up, so he really should concentrate when Regulus was explaining stuff.
They were in the abandoned potions room and Regulus gave him a recipe to follow – it had neither title nor description. It was supposed to be a potion for NEWT level students, which sounded scary, but Regulus used it simply to practice reading and following instructions to a T. It was, at the end of the day, a concentration exercise, which they agreed was James’s biggest problem.
And, as it had to be, he couldn’t concentrate today. He had other things on his mind.
After every successful step, Regulus gave him a little treat (apparently Pandora had abandoned the pralines-thing and was now making cupcakes with elaborate and outlandish topics. James got a quarter of a cupcake for every step.)
Despite this delicious bribe, his brain wouldn’t stop wandering. Regulus sat a Herbology test for Sirius today and before and after let Remus hug him and kiss his cheek and head. He looked peaceful standing around with Remus’s arms around him, leaning back against him, and resting his eyes. He embodied Sirius so perfectly that James had to ask him whether it really had been him afterwards.
James couldn’t imagine Regulus ever being so at ease while being touched by another person – at least not without being utterly in love with them. Did he fancy Remus after all? His brother’s boyfriend? That was just wrong on so many different levels! For one, that was his brother’s boyfriend. Two, Remus didn’t even know it was Regulus. Three, … well, James was sure there was a third one… he just couldn’t remember.
“James. What is up with you today? Quit staring at me and stir!” He reached out and pushed his head down so he’d look at his cauldron.
James stirred.
“Counter-clockwise. Can you read a clock?”
James stirred in the other direction. Regulus muttered something under his breath, likely calling him an idiot.
He didn’t mind being called an idiot by him. He sounded less like his brother when he was slightly agitated and whenever he glared his eyes got a bit of sparkle – like he enjoyed being grumpy.
“Sorry. I was just…”
“Somewhere else as always?”
“I guess. …I was wondering, you and Remus seemed pretty cozy earlier.”
“When I pretended to be his boyfriend? Yes, that was the point.”
“Aren’t you worried Sirius might get jealous?”
“No. It was his idea. We started doing this toward the end of the first or beginning of his second year, I’m not sure. At some point he was complaining that I was ruining his progress with Remus by essentially ignoring him when we switched. Then, after they got together, Remus and he got into fights because Remus felt ignored by me and thought there was a problem. Also, people started to gossip about them having problems when they saw me being less cozy with him. We agreed that we needed to nail this twin thing perfectly when we switch, down to the boyfriend-part, or we’d be found out sooner than later.”
James nodded. “And you? Aren’t you worried you’d start to fancy Remus at some point if you keep pretending to be in love with him?”
“No.”
“No? How can you be so sure? Isn’t that like, such a cliché? You pretend to be in love and then fall in love.”
Regulus sighed and pushed James’s hand up so he’d stop stirring, then pointed at the instructions.
“I believe, “ he said when James was on-task again, “that we have far more control over our feelings than people commonly like to admit.”
“Oh?”
“Attraction is one thing. But falling in love is a development. You have to let certain thoughts happen and indulge them for them to turn into feelings, especially those deep, can’t-help-it-anymore feelings. People like to pretend they couldn’t help their feelings or fight their love and thus it’s justified to cheat or hook up with your best mate’s boyfriend or ex or parent.”
“Parent?”
“I’ve heard of such things, yes. But no one can convince me that you see your brother’s boyfriend and suddenly, without process or point of return are so deeply in love that all self-control goes out the window and you have to shag him. Remus is a reasonably attractive guy. I’m not claiming not to see that. But he’s in love with Sirius and Sirius… he’s been planning their wedding for a year or two, that’s how far gone he is. I’m not going to think of Remus as anything more or less than my brother-in-law. No crush. No love. Nothing. …Unless he hurts Sirius, then I’ll have to kill him or something.”
James frowned at the potion and added the last ingredient. “I think you’re too rational about it. It’s love. It’s supposed to be irrational and all-consumingly powerful.”
“Do you want me to be in love with Remus?”
“No! Merlin’s balls, no. I’m just saying… sometimes love should be this unlogical, powerful thing. That’s what makes it beautiful.”
“Those things don’t cancel each other out. I say, you can control when to let that kind of love happen. It can be all of those things without ruining other relationships or families. For example: I had something with my friend Barty. You know, teenage boy fun, testing the waters, realising things about yourself and wanting to explore them. That kind of thing. It was that far more than love or crushes. We broke up and a few months later, Evan, our other friend, Pandora’s brother, confessed to me that he has a crush on Barty and wants to explore those feelings and make a move but only if I’m fine with it. I was perfectly fine with it, of course. Those two are perfect for each other. Anyway, they’re together now and he later told me, that he didn’t give the attraction towards Barty any room in his head while we were still involved but he chose to indulge them after we broke up, and yet, was sure he could have not indulged them further and stayed platonic with Barty if I had told him I didn’t want anything to happen between them. It’s self-control and, more importantly, self-awareness.”
James looked down at the potion, letting it simmer for a few minutes. It had taken on a mother-of-pearl sheen. Regulus’s words made sense, though he didn’t like it.
“Besides, Remus isn’t my type. I think he’d be an enjoyable friend, but in terms of romance I’m not into the bookish type. To my own embarrassment, I find it attractive when you look at a man trying to solve a task and start to wonder whether they can read at all. It’s tragic, but I blame the incest.”
Right, he said that before. His type was stupid jocks. Neither of which described Remus.
Regulus took a deep breath. “Oh, I think we’re done.”
He walked around the workstation until he stood right next to James. He could smell his perfume.
He took the plate with the cupcake pieces and let him have one. “Good job. Can you tell me what potion it is?”
“How would I if it’s for NEWT students?” he asked through the cupcake.
“Smell it.”
James couldn’t smell much, as both Regulus’s perfume and the cupcake were too overpowering. Something about the smell reminded him of Quidditch, though, and home.
“I don’t know… I think all the fumes from being in here is giving me a headache. What does it smell like to you?”
Regulus smiled. “I’ll tell you another time. Research homework: find out what this potion is and what it does.”
“How?”
“Research. You have the recipe. You just need to hit the books and find it. And afterwards you can take those research skills and prepare for your next test. Should be that last big one before the OWL exams. If you do a good job with it, the OWLs will go well, too.”
“Right that stupid test… You’ll sit it for Sirius, I assume?”
“Yes. He takes transfiguration with your beloved McGonagall for me in return.”
“You won’t help me cheat, would you?”
“No. We’ve been doing this for months. You’ve come a long way since we started.”
James looked up at him. He has rarely heard him speak so softly and… kind. “You really think so?”
“Yes. Concentration is a big issue, but you made great progress in the practical application, the theoretical knowledge from year three, four and five, and even reading comprehension. In fact, you can have the rest of the cupcake.”
James grinned and took the treat. “Maybe you should go into teaching.”
“I doubt my methods would be well received by most parents. Now, you should probably return to your stupid friends. I’ll clean up.”
“I’ll stay and help you,” James said quickly. He probably had plans for some prank with the Marauders but… he simply didn’t want to leave yet.
***
James sat in the library with the other Gryffindors to study for their upcoming Potions test.
“Psst, James,” Lily whispered from across the table, “You’re reading the wrong book. That’s a sixth year text book.”
“I know but I’m trying to find a potion. I already revised most of the other stuff.”
“What potion?”
James shrugged and showed her the recipe for the potion he made with Regulus. She studied the ingredients for a moment. “Oh, I think I know, it’s-“
“No, I have to find out on my own. It’s important.”
Lily looked at him confused. Remus, who sat next to him, looked up as well.
“You want to do a potions thing by yourself? You?”
“Yes. Is that so hard to believe?”
“I’d literally sooner believe the earth to be a pyramid.”
“A pyramid?” Wormy said from next to Lily. “That would be cool. Unfortunately, it’s just a plain disc. Wish we could have got a cooler shape.”
The others looked at him for a long moment.
“Peter, you do know that the earth is round, right?” Remus asked.
Peter chuckled. “Round. Don’t be ridiculous. That’s impossible. How would the people on the underside not fall off? And you’re supposed to be the smart one.”
Remus blinked at him in horror but Peter just turned back to his book. James did the same and scoured the texts for Regulus’s potion.
Finally, he came to “Amortentia.” A powerful love potion made out of, among other things, pearl dust. James grinned and wrote AMORTENTIA above the recipe. He then kept reading the description, until he got to:
The potion has a strong multi-faceted scent, which varies among people. It resembles the scent of objects or concepts of what attracts the person. Commonly, this attraction is romantic and quite literal in nature, so the potion may smell like the shampoo or perfume of a romantic interest. It may also be more abstract and resemble the scent of a place or thing associated with a partner. It has also been reported that the scent is less focused on one particular romantic interest and instead resembles the smell of a safe place or time. In this context, subjects have smelled their mother’s homemade biscuits or their grandmother’s herbal remedies as well as the smell of lakes and fish in memory of fishing trips with their father.
Regulus had asked what the potion smelled like to him. James thought he couldn’t smell anything through Regulus’s strong perfume and the treats he brought. Maybe those were the things he smelled in the potion… Regulus would never wear so much perfume one could barely breathe through it, no matter how closely he stood next to him.
Perfume of a romantic interest.
James blinked at the page.
“Amortentia,” Remus read the title next to him. “Did you make that during your tutoring sessions with Reg?”
For some reason, Remus always called Regulus ‘Reg’ in that very annoying tone when he spoke with James. “Yes.”
“Huh. What’ya smell?”
James turned to him. The guy was grinning wider than James had ever seen and wiggled his eyebrows at him.
“Piss off.”
“Oh, I can imagine what it was. Let’s see… Euphemia’s hot cocoa? Mixed with the smell of brooms and leathery Quaffles. And likely some fairly nice perfume which costs more than my entire wardrobe.”
James leaned back, sneaking a glance at Sirius, who, luckily, wasn’t listening.
“I’m fucked.”
“Well, if the twins thing extends to all aspects of life, you’re in for a wild ride. Literally.”
James kicked his leg, hard. “Be quiet. Okay, maybe he’s very pretty and I like him… maybe even romantically – that doesn’t mean he’s-“
“Oh but he is.”
“How would you know?”
“Intuition.”
James almost said something to the effect of ‘You can’t even tell when Sirius and Regulus switch places’ but thought better of it.
Could it be? Did he have a crush on Regulus?
He was unbelievably pretty of course. Beautiful even. But he and Sirius looked exactly alike and he surely didn’t have a crush on his friend. Regulus was sort of mean-spirited and enjoyed being angry and grumpy as long as he could complain and make his funny little comments – and he looked damn good doing it. He was disgustingly gleeful when he won at Quidditch. And yet, all of it, every time he rolled those pretty eyes, was stupidly attractive.
He remembered something about Regulus talking about choice and letting thoughts and feelings happen. He couldn’t let a crush on his best friend’s twin brother happen, could he?
As if summoned, Regulus emerged from between the shelves and stopped by their table. He placed a ring next to Sirius, who quickly dug around in his pockets and handed a similar ring back to him. Maybe they mixed them up when they switched last time. Then Regulus looked at James and gave him that small one-person smile. James’s stomach did a little flip-thing and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. Regulus came closer and leaned down to him until James could smell his perfume again.
“Did you find it?” he whispered.
James was sure he possessed the general ability to speak, just not at this particular moment. He grabbed the paper with the recipe and gave it to him.
Regulus nodded as he read the name of the potion and placed a box with a cupcake on the table. “Well, then, keep studying.”
James made a pathetic humming sound.
“Hey, Reg,” Remus said and James almost kicked him again, “Why don’t you study with us? You can sit here, we scoot. Pads, scoot.”
Regulus looked at the free seat between Remus and James on the bench. With one glance at Sirius, he shrugged and sat down. “Don’t call me Reg, Lupin.”
“Oh, is that not the generally accepted nickname?”
“No nickname is generally accepted.”
“I see.” Remus smirked at James. He wondered whether he could kick him without Regulus noticing.
Regulus shook his head to himself and opened his notes and textbook.
“Look at you, Remus,” Lily whispered from across the table, “sandwiched between the Black twins, living the dream of every pervert at this school.”
“Not only the perverts at this school, I assure you.” Remus grinned and kissed Sirius’s head.
Regulus kicked Remus under the table. That settled it, James was in love with him.
Or at least, romantically attracted. Strongly attracted. He couldn’t concentrate on his textbooks now that Regulus sat next to him with his stupid perfume and stupid hair and those pretty, long fingers perfect for playing piano. He wore far too many rings on them. The metal would be cool against the skin when he touched someone.
“James? Concentrate. Have your treat and then keep going.” He whispered. He was speaking softly again. James might melt on the spot if he kept it up.
***
The test went well. Actually, it went fantastically. It felt so effortless that James genuinely feared he had done everything wrong because potions had never been this easy for him.
“Well, mate, that’s what fucking happens when you study for a change,” Regulus, still impersonating Sirius at that point, had said. It had earned him laughter from Remus and Peter, as they knew that Sirius never studied for anything, least of all potions. Even during their potions study sessions at the library, he had been busy drawing a picture of a stag, a dog, a rat and a large wolf by moonshine. It was beautiful and Remus had pinned it to the wall above his bed. So, what business did he have to tell other people to study?
They received the marked tests a week later. This time Sirius was present and Regulus sat in his own class.
“You can pick up your tests from my desk when you leave,” Slughorn said.
Usually, James dreaded these moments – the hit of yet another bad mark pushing him away from a career as an auror. But today, he had a good feeling. It was time to see whether spending hours at the library had any actual results besides wet dreams and random bursts of jealousy when he watched Regulus being a bit too friendly with Remus while impersonating Sirius. Also, yes, his dirty dreams have begun to take place at the fucking library – likely one of the unsexist places in all of Hogwarts, except when he thought about pressing Regulus against those shelves to kiss him.
They picked up their tests and gathered outside the potions classroom.
“Look at that, another Outstanding,” Sirius smirked, shaking his head at the test, “Full marks, not one mistake. This is getting boring.”
“Yeah, we’ll see what you have to say next year in NEWT classes, when we are scheduled to have class together with all houses, not just Ravenclaw.”
Sirius smirked at him. “For your information, I’m not taking potions next year.”
“What? You’ll just leave me alone?”
He shrugged. “Reggie will be there. Speaking of, time to see whether my darling brother is a good tutor or not. What did you get?”
James bit his lip and finally looked at his test.
“Merlin, shit…”
“Is it bad?”
“No, it’s… I got an O.” He turned the page around to show the others. “Just one mistake. I got an O, guys. In potions!”
“Congrats, good job, Prongs,” Remus patted his back, “You should go and thank Regulus, shouldn’t you?”
“Oi, forget him, we need to celebrate!” Sirius exclaimed. “Prongsie’s first potions O. Momentous Day.”
“We totally have to celebrate,” Wormtail agreed. “Saturday we’re treating you to as much Butterbeer as you can drink.”
“Thanks guys, but I really should go and thank Reg for this. He might even say he’s proud of me.”
“Good look with that,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “I think he just had his last lesson, too. So he might be on his way to the common room. You can look for him later, let’s go to the dorm together.”
Remus pulled the map out of his cloak. “Or find him with this and thank him now.”
James wasn’t sure whether to kick or hug Remus, so he just thanked him and looked Regulus up on the map. He was at the library.
James found Regulus between the shelves in the Arithmancy section, putting textbooks into place. He once told him that organising bookshelves was “fun” for him and it also made the librarian like him and let him stay after closing hours.
“Hey, Reg,” James exclaimed when he found him.
Regulus shushed him. “Library voice, James. Also don’t call me Reg.”
“Fine, Reggie. What are you doing here?”
“Sorting books. All my friends have another class, so I’m just passing time. What about you?”
“I was looking for you.”
Regulus stopped and turned to him, regarding him hesitantly. “Why?”
“I got my potions test back. You know, from last week. You got full marks for Sirius, by the way.”
“Of course. Well, don’t keep me in suspense. What did you get?”
James showed off his test like a proud child, jumping up and down. “Outstanding. I got an Outstanding in potions! Can you believe it?”
“Just one mistake? Wow, that’s amazing, James. Congratulations. I’m sure you will be able to pass your OWLs as well like this.”
“You’ll keep helping me, right? I don’t think I can do it without you.”
“Of course, if that’s what you want.”
James stopped jumping and instead pulled Regulus into a tight hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, Reggie! I would be lost without you.”
Regulus made a surprised humming noise. Slowly, he brought up his arms around him to hug him back. He smelled so nice. James wanted to bury himself in his hair.
He had to pull back before doing something stupid and thoughtless, like kissing his neck.
“You should probably go back to your friends.” Regulus said quietly. He looked like he was blushing again.
“Yes, I should.” He didn’t want to. He would watch Regulus organise this bookshelf if he had to. Merlin, he would help him just to spend time with him. “Do I… get a treat for getting an O?”
“A treat?”
“Yes, I did well, so I should get a treat.”
“I’m afraid Pandora fell out of love with the cupcake thing. Everyone is trying to get her back into making pralines. I don’t have any sweets on me.”
“But I got an O, so I need a treat. I will not leave until I got a treat.”
“Look at you, trying to blackmail me yet again. I respect that.”
James grinned at him.
“Fine. A treat. But if you don’t like it, you can’t complain. Close your eyes.”
James, who still wasn’t a very suspicious person, closed his eyes.
He could smell Regulus perfume as he stepped closer. He put a hand on James' cheek, with the metal of the rings cold against his skin, and then the softest touch of lips on his cheek as he kissed him.
James sucked in a breath in surprise. Yes. Please. More of that.
He slowly opened his eyes and turned to see a red-cheeked Regulus standing closer than ever before.
James dropped the test.
He cupped his cheeks and kissed him on the lips. Regulus made a surprised sound and then – like a dream come true - kissed him back.
James pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss.
His chest was about to explode but his mind was completely blank. He dreaded having to let go of this boy and allowing thought and worry to return to him. So he won’t. He decided then and there he’d simply never stop kissing him. He’d die happy.
***
Of course, that afternoon they had to part at some point. They probably said goodbye three or four times and yet ended up kissing again and again before Barty, Evan and Pandora showed up out of nowhere and dragged Regulus away.
He must have been in quite a state when he returned to the dorm, as Remus took one look at him, smirked and brought him a glass of water, mumbling something about ‘Welcome to the club, mate’.
Now, they sat in the library again, in some secluded part away from other students. There was a book and some self-made test in front of James, but who could ever care for those things if Regulus Black sat next to him with those damn kissable lips and those pale cheeks which filled with such sweet colour when he was touched?
“James, pay attention to the book,” Regulus said yet again.
“But why? You’re right there.”
Regulus leaned to him, looking up out of his pretty silver eyes. “And I’ll leave if you don’t try. I thought I was kissing a future auror.”
“I like the kissing part of that.”
“James. Effects and Problems of the Drought of Peace?”
“Calming effect. No more anxiety. Sooths even angry Slytherins. One would think it’s good for exams but it may make you too careless.”
“And… why is it important to measure the ingredients correctly?”
“Because it gets you treats from pretty boys?”
“James.”
“Long Sleeps. Could be irreversible even. Like a coma.”
“Correct.”
“Treat?”
“Fine, you get a treat.” Regulus wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him. It was definitely his new favourite kind of treat.
James grabbed his waist and almost pulled him off his chair.
Regulus pulled back way too soon. “Big treat for such a small answer. Complete the test I drafted for you and I’ll let you kiss me for the rest of our study session.”
James let go of him embarrassingly quickly and picked up his quill.
“But you need to get at least 50% right, so make an effort.”
“What do I get if I get everything right?”
“You’ll have to find out.”
***
Regulus liked to be held. He liked having James’s arms around him and being trapped between his body and a wall, bookshelf or mattress. He liked being kissed at the spot where the neck met the shoulders. He liked getting hickeys but told him to not mark too high or it would break the illusion of being Sirius. He blushed when James gave him flowers and then proceeded to dry and press them until he could turn them into bookmarks. Suddenly, he had no problem with being called Reggie. Quite the contrary.
Reggie gave him treats in form of sweets and kisses. He gave him a good luck charm for his next test – a snitch he made out of some of the dried flowers. It was beautiful and James carried it around with him wherever he went. He didn’t change his teaching methods, which James didn’t mind as they were effective. He was also still grumpy and called him stupid, but he was smiling when he said it and rolled his eyes affectionately. Then he called him Jamie for the first time when they were lying in his bed and James kissed his neck, and James wanted to melt and marry him as a puddle.
It was pure bliss as long as they were together but when he got to his dorm and Sirius complained that he was spending more time with Regulus than with them, he felt a bit guilty.
Sirius was his best friend after all and he didn’t know that he was regularly kissing his twin brother.
“Should we tell Sirius?” James asked one afternoon. Regulus had sneaked into his room by boldly walking in, pretending to be Sirius, and now they were lying in James’s bed, cuddled up together and sharing lazy kisses while Regulus asked revision questions about potions.
“Tell him what?”
“You know what. About you and me. Us.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why? He’s my best friend and your brother. Shouldn’t he know? I assume we’re keeping it quiet because, unfortunately, you’re going back home come summer and your mother wouldn’t survive two openly gay sons.”
“More like we wouldn’t survive it. Imagine the lengths we went through to hide the ear piercings.”
James disliked it when the twins talked like that. It worried him. If it were up to him they would never go home.
“We still did everything we could to convince Mother the rumours about Sirius openly snogging a half-blood boy in the corridors were false.”
“Successfully?” He could hear how hopeful he sounded, what a foul he was.
“No.”
“I’m a pureblood at least. Does that help?”
“Depends, do you have a dick? Because if yes, then absolutely not.”
“Do you want to check?” James smirked and lifted his hips in what he hoped was a seductive way.
Regulus seemed unimpressed. “You are so damn lucky that I’m into dumb boys.”
“I know. And I’m lucky that I’m into smart, mean boys who call me an idiot before they kiss me.”
Regulus smiled and whispered, “Idiot,” before kissing him.
“Still,” James mumbled, “Should we tell him you’re my boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend. Huh. First time hearing that word.”
“Is it? Are you my boyfriend?” He hugged him tightly and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Please?”
“Ugh, fine. Idiot.” He leaned up to kiss him again. “Do you want to tell him?”
“It feels weird to have such a secret from him. Though, I’m not sure how he’d react. Do you think he’ll be angry?”
“He’s likely to be dramatic but he’s dramatic about everything, so, meh.”
“Meh? Did you just say meh? I didn’t think that was part of your vocabulary.”
“Tell him if you want. Or should I tell him?”
“No, I’ll do it. …Soon. When the time’s right.”
“Okay. Now, kiss me before those idiots come back.”
“Hey, what are you doing calling other boys idiots? That’s my title.”
Regulus chuckled and kissed him again.
***
Somehow the right time didn’t come. Remus kept making comments and hinted at Regulus having a lover and James having a secret – and Sirius despised both of these ideas.
The OWLs were slowly but surely drawing nearer. Cheating at the practical tests would be easy, the twins said. They had to sit some of the written exams together but so far, Sirius considered faking an illness for his exam date and for Regulus to take it for him later, while Regulus planned to simply study for those subjects.
With the OWLs, the summer was also getting closer. Usually, this was something to look forward to. You somehow survive the school year and the exams and then get to relax for two full months with your family. Perfection. Bliss.
He thought the best course of action would be to wait until Sirius was in a lovey-dovey kind of mood, drunk on devotion and wishing for everyone to be as happily in love as he was. How angry could Sirius be about James making Regulus as happy as Remus made him?
One week before the first exam, they sat in their dorm in the evening and Sirius lay in Remus’s arms on his bed. A record player next to their bed was playing a soft melody and the two boys were whispering and kissing each other.
“Sirius?”
He didn’t react, too lost in his boyfriend.
James slid from his bed and went to theirs.
“Sirius. Can we talk?”
The two parted with heavy sighs.
“Is it bad? James I don’t want bad news right now. I’ll have to go home in a matter of weeks. Can’t we keep it happy and light until then?”
Unfortunately, not everyone went back to a home like the Potters. It has always been hard to know Sirius would go home to his mother who ignored him on a good day and on the bad days… she might do things so vile and wretched James couldn’t even imagine them.
Since Sirius came out and dated Remus openly earlier this school year the situation at home would be even worse.
Then there was Regulus. His lovely, beautiful Regulus. He said, that if anyone would die because both Black sons were gay, it would be them, not their mother.
He was scared for them both. Somehow, it made him want to confess his relationship with Regulus even less.
Remus caught his eyes, probably realising what he was about to say.
“Prongs, another time. Not right now.” He pulled Sirius against him, rubbing his shoulder.
This, evidently, wasn’t the lovey-dovey mood James had anticipated. Sirius often became melancholy and quiet when the holidays were approaching.
“Right, sorry. ...How are you?”
Sirius shrugged and closed his eyes, resting his head against Remus’s chest. Regulus did that too, sometimes.
“Sometimes I wish I could just put you into my pocket and take you home with me,” James whispered.
Sirius smiled “Yeah, that would be it. But I doubt Reggie would be on board.”
James mulled those words over in his mind. He had taken Sirius home for short holidays before. He hated his family anyway and didn’t want to go home.
“Does that mean... if Regulus agreed, you’d come home with me instead of going to your parents?”
Sirius opened his eyes at him. “Are you... are you really suggesting it?”
“That you get away from those awful people and be safe at my home? Yes. Come live with me. My parents love you, they’d be thrilled to have you there.”
Sirius considered it. James couldn’t believe he never suggested it before – he could keep the twins safe if they just went home with him and lived at his house!
“I don’t know. It sounds too good to be true. What if our parents come to get us? I mean, not me, but they still tolerate Reggie. Also… I don’t know if he’d be on board with it. Leaving the family, being dirt poor and relying on your family for hand-outs. He doesn’t even know Effie and Monty.”
“Ask him. If he says yes, you both come with me. Your parents, I mean, even if they come, they can go fuck themselves, honestly. My mum won’t let them take you back.”
“And if Reggie says no?”
“Then we’ll lock him into your trunk and drag him with us, if we have to. We both know that you don’t want to go home. I think, neither does he. And Remus, Pete and I are worried sick about you being at that house. Right, Moony?”
Remus squeezed his boyfriend in his arms and kissed his head as if it translated his answer perfectly.
“Okay… I guess I ask him.”
James couldn’t help himself. He threw himself into the couple’s hug in relief. “Thanks, Pads. I’ll write to my parents immediately and tell them about our plan.”
***
Sirius said he spoke with Regulus about it and didn’t get a clear answer. Since their conversation, Regulus has been avoiding James.
He didn’t show up for their final study session and kept out of the library. James watched him hide in his dorm on the map.
He couldn’t deal with this. The last thing he needed leading up to the exams was his boyfriend ghosting him.
James’s first exam was the theoretical portion of Potions. Regulus and the other Slytherins, as well as the Hufflepuffs, wrote their theoretical exam in Transfiguration at the same time, meaning, that the twins would switch.
After breakfast, Sirius disappeared in a restroom and Regulus came out and joined them like nothing happened.
He told on himself when he looked at James for a moment too long as he rejoined the group. That was his Reggie, no doubt.
After being ignored for a week, it filled him with a ridiculous amount of jealousy to watch Regulus play boyfriend with Remus as they walked to their examination room.
“Sirius,” James said as they were about to enter, “I need to speak with you.”
Regulus didn’t look at him. “Now?”
“Yes.”
“Can’t it wait until after this?”
“No. It’s important. Please… Or do you want me to flunk my exam?”
Regulus forced himself to smile at Remus. “Safe me a seat, I’ll be right there.”
Then he let himself be dragged into an alcove by James. “What is it?”
“What is it? Hello, earth to Reggie. It’s your boyfriend speaking. I know it’s you. I know your switch-schedule.”
Regulus sighed. “Sorry.”
“Yes, you better be sorry. Why have you been ignoring me?”
He looked down at his hands, twisting his rings. He shrugged, finally. “I didn’t know what to say to you.”
“Why? Is it about my offer to let you and Sirius stay at my place?”
His silence told him all he needed to know.
James took his hands. “Reggie, think about it, you could be safe at my place. We could be together the entire time. You get a room next to mine and I come sneaking into your bed at midnight to steal some kisses.”
“James.”
“Okay, a lot of kisses. Maybe something else, too.”
“James,” he said again, looking at him with his ‘I’m serious about this’ expression. “You’re not taking this seriously enough. That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it. You cooked up some spontaneous, romantic idea about running into the sunset together. But you’re talking about me leaving my home, my family. I’d lose everything I own, my inheritance, my social standing. You want me to become a homeless beggar who has to rely on stranger’s kindness because you think it’d be fun to sneak into my bed at night.”
“Reg, no,” James said softly and pulled him into a hug. “I want you and Sirius to be safe. You’re not safe at home with those people. You wouldn’t be homeless. My parents will give you a home. And money, inheritance, social standing… it’s not as important as survival and being free to do what you want.”
“What good is your survival if I don’t have a life afterwards?”
“You’ll have me. You’ll have Sirius and your friends.”
“That’s not what I mean. Do you plan to be my Sugar Daddy for the rest of my life or why wouldn’t I need money?”
James shrugged. “You’re way too bright to remain unsuccessful in life, even if you break with your family and cause a bit of a scandal. Though, I would certainly not mind giving you everything you want and buying little treats for you like books or vacation homes.”
He leaned back just far enough to look into his eyes. “I’d do anything to keep you safe. I’d do anything so you’d come with me. Once you’re out of that house, we can be openly together too, tell your brother and… everyone. We’d be so happy, Love.”
“You’re making it too easy for yourself.”
“You’re making it too hard. A little less rationality and logic, a bit more mad love would be good for you. We’ll figure it out, I promise. But I can’t let you go back.”
Regulus almost smiled. He shook his head, whispering, “If my love for you got any madder, you’d have to commit me to an asylum.”
James’s heart tripped over those words.
“That’s why I didn’t want to talk with you about it. I knew you’d convince me to do it against all my better judgment.”
James hugged him again. “Does that mean, you’ll do it? You come home with me?”
“I… I guess. Yes. I’ll go with you. But only if it’s no burden on your parents.”
“It won’t be. I talked to them and they’re thrilled about the idea. Oh, Merlin, I can’t believe it. I love you so much. So, so much. You make the happiest man alive.”
“I love you, too,” Regulus mumbled into his shoulder. “We should go take that exam, though.”
“Right, right, just one last treat before or I won’t be able to concentrate on anything.”
Regulus smiled at him and then pulled him into a deep kiss. The press of his lips might be the only thing powerful enough to convince James he could pass this exam with an O.
They have to part far too soon for his liking. As James looked up, he was unexpectedly looking into someone else’s eyes.
Lily had appeared out of nowhere and was staring at them in shock.
Fuck.
“Uhm, hey, Lils,” James said sheepishly and slowly let go of Regulus. “Should we go take that exam now?”
She just kept staring at him like she had witnessed a hippogriff flying into a dragon’s maw. James took Regulus’s wrist and pulled him past her to the examination room.
***
James was filled to the brim with happiness. No exam could distract him from the thought of going home with Regulus and Sirius in a few days.
Lily has avoided him since the day she saw him with Regulus, and he couldn’t say why. He might have to sort that out before they leave.
They were nearing the end of the second week of exams and James strolled into the Great Hall for supper with Remus and Peter. ‘Sirius’ had excused himself to the restroom – probably to switch back with the actual Sirius.
As they approached their usual spot on the Gryffindor table, he noticed a large group had formed around the girls. They were whispering and talking amongst each other and suddenly fell silent and looked up as the Marauders approached.
“Hey, what’s all this?” Peter asked. “Is there gossip? More importantly, are there chips and gossip?” He hungrily scanned the table for anything potato-related to eat.
The group dissolved wordlessly and the boys took their usual seats next to Lily and her friends. They were still staring at them.
“Did something happen?” Remus asked. “You’re being weird.”
Lily cleared her throat. “James, do you have anything to say?”
“Uhm… not really? Why? What did I do?”
“Oh, you know exactly what you’ve done. Remus is your best friend. I gave you a chance to tell him yourself but if you won’t do it…”
James looked from her to Remus and back. “Tell him what?”
“You know what.”
James looked helplessly at Marlene and Mary. They just glared back at him.
The doors to the Great Hall opened and Sirius sauntered over to them. “Man, I fucking aced that practical. I’m quite excited to get my results, actually.” He winked at James and let himself fall next to Remus to immediately invade his space and kiss him. They had been, more or less unknowingly, apart all day.
Lily cleared her throat again. “Sirius, do you have anything to say to Remus?”
Sirius kissed his cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Babe. I don’t think that’s what Lily meant though.”
Sirius turned to the girls confused.
“You and James have something to say, don’t you?”
“Uhm… nothing in particular comes to mind, no. Why?”
Marlene scoffed, shaking her head. “Unbelievable. You two are such massive arseholes. How could you do this to Remus?”
Sirius began to look genuinely concerned. “Do what?”
“Oh, you know.”
Sirius leaned over the table to James. “What the fuck are they talking about?”
“I don’t know. They’re not telling me.”
“James. I saw you. Remember? You should at least have the decency to tell him. Or I will.”
The realisation hit him like a stupefying charm.
Lily saw him kiss Regulus – just that Regulus was impersonating Sirius for one of the most important and strict exams of their school career at the time. She thought he was kissing Sirius. She thought they were cheating on Remus!
James saw the nightmare unfold before his eyes with no way to stop it.
“Saw us when? Doing what? What’s this about? We didn’t even plan a prank lately. Broken some rules, maybe, but nothing major.”
“I’m not talking about rules or pranks, Sirius. You cheated on Remus!”
Remus frowned at her. Sirius now looked like he was hit by a stunner, too. Then, he laughed.
“Sorry, I what? I wouldn’t cheat on Remus.” He turned to his boyfriend. “I wouldn’t cheat on you. You know that, right?”
“Yes, of course, Love. Lily, what are you talking about? Maybe you misinterpreted something. You know these two. They’re ridiculously close sometimes and act like they’re dating every other day.”
“That wasn’t just their usual antics, Remus. I’m sorry you have to find out this way, but I saw them kiss – they were snogging in the hallway. I swear, it’s what happened. I’m so sorry.”
“This is bullshit,” Sirius said. “I wouldn’t do that. I never snogged James – well, outside of party games. When was this supposed to have happened?”
“Last Monday before the theoretical portion of the Potions exam.”
Sirius knew instantly that he had never taken that exam. He realised this. He then realised that Regulus was there impersonating him. He then realised that if Lily saw James and Sirius kissing, what she really saw must have been James kissing Regulus.
He slowly turned to James. Then looked past him toward the Slytherin table.
“Merlin’s bloody, blue balls,” he said slowly.
“Sirius-“
Sirius held up his finger. “No. … Lily, what you saw was… harmless fun and a bet. I’m sorry you got the wrong impression. Remus, Love, you remember that bet, right? I’ll remind you later if not.”
“No, I remember,” Remus said immediately. “You could have said you meant last week before the exam. James has trouble with exams, you know that. So we had a bet about who could best distract him from his fear of it. Sirius chose the kissing route. It worked. That’s not cheating, Lils. …Maybe you can dial back the gossip now?”
He kissed Sirius’s cheek and turned back to his food.
Sirius pulled a piece of paper out of his sketchbook, scribbled down a quick message and folded it into a small paper plane. He levitated it over to his brother at the Slytherin table, all while glaring at James.
***
Whatever Sirius had written on the paper plane, led to Regulus sneaking into the Marauders’ dorm after supper.
Sirius was pacing the room muttering while James, Peter, and Remus sat on their respective beds.
They all looked up when Regulus entered.
“We’re being cheery, I see,” he said and closed the door. “What’s all this then?”
“You. Sit.”
“Where?”
“Far away from James.”
“Ah, I see. So, I gather he told you and this is your absolutely not-dramatic way of dealing with it?”
“I said sit.”
Regulus rolled his eyes and sat on Sirius’s bed.
“Sirius-“ James tried, but he wouldn’t hear it.
“Are you two fucking insane? Kissing while you’re supposed to be me? Kissing at all! Merlin knows what else you’ve done! James, that is my brother, how fucking dare you?”
“Nothing more than kissing, I promise.”
“Yet,” Regulus added and stuck out his tongue when his twin glared at him.
“That’s why you asked us to go to your house for the holidays, James? So you can shag my brother?”
“No, that wasn’t the reason. I want you to be safe, I-“
“Oh, shut up. All those study sessions you actually spent snogging him behind my back.”
“Not all of them.”
“Sorry, what do you think what kind of tutor I am?” Regulus interjected. “I tortured him with school work before kissing him every time we met. I wouldn’t date someone who fails all his OWLs.”
James wasn’t altogether sure whether he should be offended or scared by that statement.
“But why did you have to keep it secret from me? You can’t keep a secret like this from me! You’re my twin – and he is my best friend.”
“Because, despite you sending me an owl every time you take a leak, you’re not actually entitled to every little aspect of my life, Sirius. Our relationship is non of your business.”
“None of my business? Sorry, half this school thinks I cheated on Remus! Darling, Love, you believe that I didn’t cheat on you, right?”
“Not a doubt on my mind.”
Peter cleared his throat from where he was watching. “Hey, yeah, feeling kinda left out over here. Is anyone going to fill me in?”
Remus shrugged. “They’ve been switching places to take tests for each other. Regulus took the potions exam for Sirius last Monday and when Lily saw James kiss one of twins, she thought it was Sirius, but it was Regulus.”
They stared at Remus.
“Wait, did you know?” Regulus asked.
“Realised it earlier this year. To be honest, I am kind of disappointed in myself that I hadn’t noticed earlier. I assume you’ve been doing it for years but the illusion really is perfect. Down to the perfume.”
James looked from him to Regulus. “So, you knew it was Reg when he was cozing up to you while pretending to be Sirius? And you did nothing?”
He shrugged and grinned. “Who am I to ruin the fun? Besides, the only thing better than having an insanely hot boyfriend is having an insanely hot boyfriend with an identical twin.”
“Twat,” Regulus muttered. “Well, Sirius, are you done with your drama? Your relationship remains intact and I’m sure you came up with a stupid lie to appease Lily.”
“Yes, for now. But if you two are dating it will only be a matter of time until other people figure out that it wasn’t me he kissed that day and that you took my exam. This could be our downfall. They could revoke all of our marks and exam results.”
“I doubt it’ll come to that. Besides, they have no way of proving anything. Calm down.” Regulus stood up from his twin’s bed and walked over to James, where he leaned down and kissed him.
“Hey! I didn’t say that I’m okay with that. What were you two thinking? You can’t be together.”
“But why? We love each other, Pads. Like you and Moony. Don’t you want your best friend and your brother to be happy?”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Not like this, no. Not when you hide it from me and are secretive about it.”
“Fine. We’re not going to be secretive about it anymore. We’re going to spend the entire summer making out right in front of you. You come into the room, I immediately start dry-humping him. Will that make you feel better?”
Sirius gagged and let himself fall on Remus’s bed. “That’s it. We’re going home to Grimmauld Place after all.
Remus laughed and kissed his face. “Let them be, Love. James has such devoted puppy-dog love for him he’s rivalling you. Isn’t that what you want for your brother?”
“Ugh, don’t tell me you knew about this, too.”
“Of course I did. It was blatantly obvious that James had a crush on him.”
“But what if they break up?” He sat up to look back at them. “What if you break up? You can’t make me choose between you. And will we have to go home then after all?”
“Of course not, Pads. No matter what happens, you and I will always stay friends and you can stay at my house.”
Regulus frowned at him. “Sorry, do you think you’re getting out of this relationship any time soon? You wanted illogical and mad love, now you’ll have to deal with this for the rest of your life.”
Although, he made it sound like a threat, James’s body filled with pleasant warmth. He slung his arms around Regulus and pulled him against him. “It sounded like you’re going to break up if I fail too many of my exams.”
“Don’t fail your exams then.” He said kissed the tip of his nose. “Speaking of, Sirius if you have decided to calm down by now, James has to go back to revising for tomorrow.”
“I will think of an adequate punishment for you both for hiding this from me and administer it over the summer.”
“Fine whatever. You’ll have to deal with my revenge. I’ll go back to my dorm.” He kissed James’s lips, smiling. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
When Regulus vanished, Sirius sighed. “Well, I don’t know what you see in him. He’s such a tosser.”
“He’s lovely,” James mumbled.
“And you,” Sirius turned to his boyfriend, who had his arms around him. “You knew it was Reggie and still hugged him and played boyfriend? Do you have a crush on him, too?”
Remus grinned. “I love you. Only you. But he looks exactly like you. You can’t expect me to only be attracted to one of you, physically. Also, I know you had fun with your little trick and thinking I had no idea. Why would I ruin it for you?”
He kissed his neck and whispered his love professions until he had turned Sirius into a giggling mess who gladly forgave him.
“Uhm, hello?” Peter spoke up again. “Does that mean you fucking cheated on your OWLs?”
“Wormy, I haven’t taken a potions or herbology test in four years. Regulus wanted the credits for Care for magical creatures but he hates most animals, so I sat all of his tests in that and most of his transfiguration stuff.”
Peter stared at him, shaking his head. “I don’t know whether to be angry or impressed.”
“My two favourite emotions to inspire in people.” Sirius smirked. “Unfortunately, we won’t be able to keep it up in some NEWT level classes, that’s why I’m dropping potions. But it was fun while it lasted.” He sighed and looked back to James. “Prongs, for the record: You hurt my brother, I will kill you.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
“You’re not too angry, right? I really love him and I make him happy.”
“Just don’t snog in front of me and don’t you dare ever break up and make this difficult for me.”
“Okay.” James grinned, though he wouldn’t promise the snogging part. He suspected it may become part of Regulus’s revenge plans, should they be necessary.
James sighed and let himself fall back into his bed. He grabbed his notes for his next exam from the bedside table and turned the pages until he found one of Regulus’s little handwritten notes and reminders. At the end of the page he had written in his prettiest cursive: Amortentia smells like you.