Chapter Text
As long as Peter can remember, he has admired Tony Stark. He doesn’t really have memories of the time when the man wasn’t Iron Man, but he sure does remember being seven years old and seeing the red and gold suit on the news. And when he did research on the man and found out he is a literal genius? Even better.
Peter was nine when he finally realized the morally dubious things Stark has done in his life. Still, as a boy who almost cries in empathy when his bullies hurt themselves in the playground, it did not hinder his admiration. The man is different now, and is putting a lot of work on paying back all the bad he put into the world, and that’s all that matters to Peter.
So when he came home from yet another miserable day in school, and saw Tony Stark in his living room? It took a lot out of him to not retell Mr. Stark’s entire life story to the man himself while fanboying his soul away. Thankfully he has years and years of practice on hiding his weirdness.
Another surprise to him was May’s presence. Peter barely sees her, she has to work a lot to afford the insane New York rent, and she just never was the same after Ben’s death. It’s of course more than understandable, he was the love of her life, that’s not something you recover from anytime soon, if ever. So when May is home, it almost feels like she isn’t there. She is in her bedroom a lot, or watching TV in the living room, barely paying attention to anything around her.
May does try, she really does, and Peter appreciates it a lot. They aren’t connected by blood, she could decide she doesn’t want a random kid in her house. Instead, she provides for him, takes care of him (as much as she can). Sometimes they do spend time together, sometimes she pays attention to him. The only problem is that they have grown apart so much that she doesn’t really know him anymore. May keeps encouraging (pushing) for Peter to socialize more, not knowing the thought of it makes the boy want to throw up. Sometimes it almost feels like she is guilting him, how can it not when she says things like: “It makes me so sad to see you moping around” or “this is not how I imagined your teenage years going”. Never does she say: “is there something wrong, something going on at school” or “whatever it is, I’ll be here for you”.
So when Peter saw May smiling at Tony Stark and giggling at his flirting (which… ew), he almost imagined he was dreaming. But no, instead the man starts talking about some internship Peter most definitely did not apply for. Still, he played along the best he could, stuttering out excuses to May about why he didn’t tell her, because Mr. Stark must have a good reason.
He did, and soon Peter was on his way to Germany. During the plane ride, he had to in fact take a break in the bathroom to cry his eyes out. No matter how much he wanted to laugh it off, he couldn’t take the hurt from the way Mr. Stark kept interrupting him, commenting on his financial status, calling his suit a onesie. Peter knew from the thousands of clips on YouTube that Mr. Stark has a sharp tongue, but he had always imagined that’s just his way of dealing with the ruthless media attention. Who knows, maybe that is the case, and it just extends to people he doesn’t know well.
Peter took power from that thought, dried his tears, and returned to his seat. He had been worried Mr. Stark would notice he cried from his red eyes and blotchy face, but the man didn’t spare him a glance during the whole trip.
The fight had been… intense. Like most people in the US, if not the whole world, he also greatly admired all the Avengers. Still, from the small crumbs of information Mr. Stark granted him, Peter knew he agreed with the man. While he did somewhat understand Captain America’s thought process, he thought there were a million ways the man could have executed it better. Also, Peter had a really strong feeling that Mr. Stark wanting to sign the accords was just one more way he wanted to pay back his past mistakes.
So Peter fought, he let the mask cover his insecurities like always, ran his mouth, and was ecstatic to find he was actually useful in the battle. He did his best to stay out of the way, figure out the plans of his teammates so he doesn’t accidentally ruin anything, and be as efficient as possible.
Then he got smacked by Ant-Man, and there was nothing he could do as the ground got closer and closer. There his memory cuts off for a bit, he must have lost consciousness, and the next thing he knows is the feeling of someone’s hands on him. With his mind still stuck in the battle (he would never say it out loud, but fighting half of the Avengers was very terrifying), he panicked. To this day his cheeks burn with shame when he thinks of himself waving his hands around in some desperate attempt to fight off Tony Stark.
For a moment he thought the man was worried about him, but then he got told in a very patronizing voice that he’s done. The second those words registered, Peter’s brain started chanting to him about how he is a failure, how he disappointed Mr. Stark. He tried to argue, but it was fruitless.
His stay in the hotel with Happy was… miserable. Peter felt like no matter what he did, he ended up annoying the man. That combined with how he had to constantly fight off breaking down from how useless he felt after the battle? Peter thinks he spent more time crying than sleeping that night.
When they arrived back in the US, it didn’t get much better. Peter isn’t sure if he would have preferred for the car ride to be quiet over Mr. Stark somehow simultaneously talking to him and disregarding him all the time. Every time Peter thought he was expected to respond, Mr. Stark powered on before he even managed to open his mouth. In the end Peter stopped trying, and normally he would have more than gladly listened to Tony Stark talking, but the man managed to say nothing at all while talking all the time. Everything that left his mouth was basically a meaningless combination of words, it must be a skill he has learnt for the press always following him around. Reveal nothing while saying everything. Peter really hoped he got to have an actual meaningful conversation with Mr. Stark, he did fight Captain America for the man after all.
When Mr. Stark suddenly leant closer to him after telling him not to do anything stupid, Peter felt like his brain blue screened. He stared at the man with wide eyes, trying to figure out if it was some trick, and just as he was about to raise his arms to return to what he had interpreted as a hug, he couldn’t figure out any other reason for the sudden closeness, he heard the car door open. Peter’s heart jumped to his throat as he realized with horror that Mr. Stark had not in fact meant to hug him, and the boy had been very close to utterly humiliating himself.
When Mr. Stark leaned back to his seat and saw Peter’s wide eyes and half-raised arms, he laughed.
As Peter stood outside his apartment complex and the car sped off (Mr. Stark must have been in a hurry to get rid of him), his ears were ringing with a laugh and “we’re not there yet”, and his cheeks were burning with shame. He barely managed to hold back his tears during his walk up the stairs and into the once again empty apartment. After he was sure May wasn’t there, he buried his face into a pillow to make sure he wouldn't disturb the neighbors and cried out all his pain, humiliation, and self-hatred that had collected during the hellish trip.
-
Now it’s been two months and Peter is ninety-nine percent sure he did something wrong, made Mr. Stark hate him. There has not been a peep from the man himself, or even anyone related to him.
A month ago Peter had collected all his bravery (which was not a lot) and sent Happy a message:
Hi
I hope I didn’t do anything wrong or anything, and if I did, I’m really sorry. Anyway, let me know if there’s any way I could be useful again.
He never got a reply. Still to this day Peter’s chest squeezes with anxiety when he thinks of the message, why couldn't he just have shut up? He will get contacted if they want something from him, he has no good reason to bother Happy.
As he crosses the road while walking towards the staircase leading to his school, he gets pulled out of his thoughts when suddenly his senses scream at him to move. It’s not an unusual thing when he is in school, but it still takes a lot out of him to not do anything a scrawny kid like him can’t do.
“Sup Penis Parker!” Flash’s voice greets Peter as he awkwardly jumps out of the way of the expensive gray car Flash is driving. His heart thumps in his chest as he tries to ignore the fact the other boy probably would not be above driving over him. He decides to just not pay attention to Flash now driving away, but he doesn’t get a long break. Just as he is about to step on the stairs leading to the front door of his school, his senses scream again. Peter forces himself to act like nothing is happening, and in just a few seconds someone is shoving him from the side.
Laughter rings out around him as the passersby stop to stare at him making a painful impact with the concrete stairs. Peter keeps his head down and hopes his hood covers the bright redness of his face as he starts pushing himself up. He doesn’t get very far when he gets pushed down again, but this time a hand follows him. Peter is barely able to bite back the pained whine that threatens to escape his lips when his forehead slams to the corner of a stair. One would think he has grown a tolerance to pain after years of bullying and all his adventures as Spider-Man, but sadly he has not. He has only learned to control his reactions.
Obediently Peter stays down until people lose interest and make their way inside the school building. When he is sure no one is paying attention to him anymore, he pushes himself up, pulls back the tears, and climbs up the stairs. Like every day, the halls are packed, and Peter and his small frame are easily unnoticeable (or people just don’t care) so more often than not he has to stay out of people’s way or he will get pushed out of the way.
He has always been on the smaller side, and the fact that because of his financial status, he has never been able to afford to eat more than necessary certainly doesn’t help. After Peter got bit by the spider and his metabolism got insane, there has not been any hope he could ever afford to eat his stomach full. Nowadays he is only a few pounds away from sickly thin.
It does have one good side: because he never meets his nutritional needs, his healing factor is not as quick as it would normally be, so his bullies will never notice his bruises disappear too quickly. Based on Peter’s calculations, if his healing factor worked on its full potential, for example a black eye would easily be fully gone in a day. Now it takes at least three days, but more often than not closer to a week. It is quicker than a normal human, but not quick enough for anyone to notice, not with how new bruises always replace the old ones before they can fully heal.
The list of bad sides of his lack of body mass is way longer. Starting from how his bullies like to use the fact Peter looks closer to a twelve year old as more ammunition to hurt him, and going all the way to the fact that sometimes after a long fight or any other strenuous activity (for him), he always has to sit down so he doesn't pass out.
Keeping his head down and using his spider-sense to stay out of people’s way, Peter makes his way to his locker. All he can do is sigh when someone shoves him forward as he is entering his code, and his face smacks to the cheap metal. More laughter, more tears Peter bottles up to be let out when he is in the safety of his room (or in the privacy of a school bathroom in case he can’t keep it together for long enough).
Peter can already feel the bruise forming on his forehead, and now a throbbing on his left cheekbone, telling him about yet another bruise about to appear on his skin. Thankfully May stopped asking about them a long time ago (Peter wishes she would ask, pay attention to him, ask him if he is okay, gently coax the truth out of him and hug him as he breaks down).
The first time Peter showed up at home with a bruise on his face, he was eight. Ben immediately contacted the school and Peter got smothered with love and care. It never stopped, and after a year or so, he begged May and Ben to not say anything to the school anymore, as it just made things worse. Both were reluctant, but agreed with the promise that if it gets worse, they will do something about it. Still, every time Peter showed up with a new bruise, he got wrapped in blankets, a cup of hot chocolate, and a Star Wars marathon. Then Ben died, and suddenly all Peter got was sad looks, if even that.
At least he doesn’t have to explain any injuries he gets as Spider-Man.
-
By the time he has decathlon, Peter is done. He already took one crying break after having to sit through a whole period with the person sitting next to him watching videos of Spider-Man on low volume. With his enhanced hearing, Peter could hear it clearly, and there is a reason he avoids videos of himself like the plague.
Putting on the mask feels like putting on a shield that blocks out all of his insecurities (most of the time), and simultaneously removes his brain-to-mouth filter. When he has the mask on, he is Spider-Man and not Peter Parker. Spider-Man has a long list of people who dislike him, but he also has fans. He is confident, witty, and useful. Peter Parker only has people who dislike him or are indifferent, he has the self-confidence of a maggot, he is a spineless, useless, pathetic kid.
Spider-Man is almost like a break from being Peter Parker, a moment where he can be free from all the thoughts his bullies have planted in his head. Peter loves it, patrols are his favorite part of the day for a reason. He can solely focus on helping and keeping people safe, he doesn’t have to think about the empty apartment, the things yelled to him that day in school, he doesn’t have to wonder if Mr. Stark hates him.
Still, Peter can’t think too much about the things he has said as Spider-Man, not without feeling like he is going to die of embarrassment. So hearing himself run his mouth for almost an hour straight is enough to make his chest squeeze horribly, his hands tremble, and cheeks burn. Why would he say all that?
So now that he has to face the fact he is going to Washington with people from his school, Peter is very much ready to bash his head into the wall until he passes out, just to get a break. He doesn’t even want to spend time in his school for more than absolutely necessary, but at least one extracurricular activity is required from all students. So here he is, about to travel to another state with people who either want to beat him up, or couldn't care less about him, for an extracurricular he doesn’t even want to attend.
When the final bell rings, Peter almost runs out of the building. Now it’s time for him to relax (probably in the most un-relaxing way in history). He quickly digs out a few coins someone he saved a couple of days ago as Spider-Man gifted him, and makes his way to Delmar’s. Peter keeps his head down, still covered by the gray hoodie, and mumbles out his order to the owner. As he anxiously waits, heart beating in his chest ridiculously hard considering he is just ordering a sandwich, he collects the bravery to pet the cat sitting on top of the display.
Peter rarely has extra money, but when he does, he uses it to buy himself a snack for patrol. Delmar’s has surprisingly cheap stuff compared to even some chain restaurants or stores, so that’s where he usually goes. The owner knows his aunt, and if Peter was braver, he would reveal his extensive knowledge of Spanish to the man. It sometimes gets tiring to hear the man talk to his coworkers about his aunt like she’s some object that has piqued his interest. Thankfully he has at least stopped trying to make small-talk with Peter after the first couple of times of mumbled half-replies.
The cat, Murph, is definitely worth the company of the stupid humans. Usually Peter just sticks to admiring the feline, but occasionally, when the cat is closer to him, he gathers the bravery to get a few pets in. Peter can’t help his small grin as Murph leans to the touch and meows at him.
Very soon, with the sandwich safely in his backpack, Peter makes his way to the familiar alleyway. It’s long, and at the end, there is a sort of an alcove, deep enough for him to hide behind from anyone who might end up walking further into the alleyway. Even though Peter trusts his senses to warn him if anyone gets too close, he still makes very quick work on changing into the suit gifted to him by Mr. Stark.
For the first time that day, Peter feels light, as he pushes his overgrown curls back and pulls the mask on. He makes quick work on shoving his normal clothes into the backpack, and webbing it to the top of the alcove. Then, with a wide grin, Peter scales up the wall of the building until he reaches the roof. He gives himself a brief moment to admire the view, and then he runs until he reaches the edge of the roof, easily jumping down. Peter can’t help his quiet laugh as he free falls for a few moments before soothing a web to the opposite building, his fall turning into a swing.
Finally, he thinks. This is what he has been waiting for the whole day.
-
Peter can’t help the small smile stuck on his face as he sits on the railing of a fire escape, mask pulled up enough to reveal his mouth. He is using one hand to eat his sandwich, and his other one is holding his phone as he scrolls through news websites. Like usual, there are no incidents where Spider-Man is needed, either the police or the Avengers already on the scene.
His patrol was relatively calm, more focused on helping people rather than saving them, but Peter doesn’t mind. He is doing good, and that’s all that matters to him. While it would be exciting to stop a bank robbery or something, helping an elder to find their home is equally as important.
As he moves his gaze from the phone and instead studies the city in front of him, his attention gets caught by a group of people entering a building with an ATM near the entrance, and while it would normally not be that suspicious, their dark clothing and covered faces make their intentions pretty clear. Peter is quick to shove the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth and crumble up the paper in his fist. Then he doesn’t hesitate to jump down from the fire escape, pulling his mask back down while falling.
A few feet from the ground, Peter shoots a web to a lamp post, using it to swing right to the front of the building. He blinks as he watches through a window the group use some definitely not human technology to pull the ATM machine out of the wall. He needs to be careful to not get hit by any of their weapons, who knows what kind of things they have in store.
Peter bites his lip in concentration as he swiftly enters the building, being very careful to not make any noise. The second he has closed the door behind himself, Peter jumps up to the ceiling, figuring the element of surprise is the safest bet when dealing with unknown dangers. The group is very focused on what they’re doing, one of them is watching for threats, but looking exactly in the wrong way. Peter has to bite back a laugh when he realizes they all are wearing cheap Avengers costume masks, many quips already forming in his head.
Deciding he has wasted enough time, Peter crawls on the ceiling until he is right above the one in watch, the only one with a visible weapon, so they are the priority. With a plan formed in his head, Peter shoots a web to the gun, swiftly pulling it out of the “Iron Man’s” hands. Before they can even react properly, Peter throws the weapon on the other end of the room, as far from the criminals as possible, and jumps down from the ceiling to knock out the “Iron Man”. They go down like a sack of bricks after one well aimed hit. If Peter wasn’t so afraid of jinxing it, he would call it easy.
The other three have finally realized what is going on, and before Peter has the chance to secure all the other technology they have with them, his senses are telling him to dodge. He manages to avoid the fist “Thor” throws at him, but before he can fight back, “Hulk” is running towards him with the clear intent of smacking an elbow into his face. Peter easily grabs the elbow, pulling the person towards him, taking them out of balance, and without hesitation, he throws them on top of “Thor”. Neither pass out, but it’ll take them a few seconds to get back up, and Peter is planning on using those few seconds well.
His heart drops when he turns to “Captain America” only to be face to face with a loaded weapon, emitting a purple glow. The words he has been spewing out during the whole battle die in his throat, and he has to once again thank his spider-sense as it warns him to jump just before “Captain America” fires the weapon. Peter could be dead and rotting if it wasn’t for his senses, but sadly, this time they aren’t enough. Just as he clings onto the ceiling, the weapon is fired, but it doesn’t do it like a normal gun would. Instead it releases a sort of a deep blue glow, and “Captain America” doesn’t hesitate to aim it upwards, trapping Peter in the glow.
Peter has to work really hard to not get sick when suddenly his body turns completely weightless. His center of gravity changed when he got his powers, making being upside down a second nature for him, but even that could not prepare him for the complete weightlessness. With slowed down movements, Peter tries to get out of the glow, but his body doesn’t work the way it should. His limbs feel extremely heavy, yet weightless at the same time, it’s a very unpleasant feeling.
Before he can panic, or plan a method to escape, “Captain America” suddenly thrusts the weapon forward, and with that Peter gets thrown back, his body hitting “Hulk” who has just stood up, knocking them right back down. Peter can’t help his pained yelp when he smacks onto a wall, body sliding down until he hits the ground. He is going to be so bruised tomorrow.
He doesn’t give himself time to recover, instead instantly jumping back up, only to get stuck in the blue glow once again. Peter has to bite his lip and swallow multiple times to keep back bile as he gets smacked onto the ceiling, trapped in the glow. Then, without mercy, he gets thrown to the floor, and up to the ceiling again, his stomach lurching as he gets smacked around, head spinning. It goes on forever, all Peter can do is run his mouth, not even sure what he is saying anymore, trying to hide how alarmed he is by the situation, his voice trembling and breathing too quick. He needs to de-escalate, quickly.
Peter eyes his surroundings, doing his best to not let the way his body gets continuously smacked between floor and ceiling bother him. Then he notices a shelf behind “Captain America”, and without hesitation Peter shoots a web to it, praying he won’t miss because of his quickly changing position. The second the web hits its target, Peter pulls his arm back, the shelf flying towards “Captain America” and knocking them to the floor.
The second Peter is out of the glow, he stands up and gets back to fighting. He wants to end this quickly before a civilian gets pulled into the mess (it has happened a few times on the rare occasions he intervened in a bigger fight. Still to this day he sometimes gets nightmares where he wasn’t quick enough to get them out and it was his fault they got hurt). So with his mouth running mindlessly, Peter starts working on taking the criminals down while making sure they don’t get a chance to grab any of their weird alien weapons.
As Peter is webbing one of them onto the window, he suddenly spins around when his senses scream. His eyes widen as he sees “Iron Man” has regained consciousness and has another type of weapon loading up. He doesn’t hesitate to jump forward, knocking the person down, but he is too late. While he is tackling “Iron Man” to the ground, they fire the weapon, some sort of a ridiculously strong laser shooting out. It doesn’t hit Peter as “Iron Man” loses their aim while getting tackled, instead it shoots out to the side, easily soothing through the windows and walls of the building. The weapon fired for barely even a second, and it managed to cause ridiculous amounts of damage. This is probably the part where Peter should call Mr. Stark, not that the man would probably even reply.
When Peter has “Iron Man” webbed to the floor, he turns around, only for his heart to drop. The laser reached all the way to Delmar’s across the street, and now the place is up in flames. Fuck.
Guilt claws Peter as he runs across the street, mind blanking as he deflates back to Peter Parker, no traces of Spider-Man left even if he is still wearing the mask. He doesn’t hesitate to jump into the burning building, barely focusing on avoiding the flames as he focuses on his hearing, begging and praying for any sign the man is still alive.
It takes all of Peter’s willpower to not burst out in tears when he hears two sets of heartbeats and quiet groaning. His whole body shakes as he follows those two precious sounds, forcing away the images of what he would have found if the laser hit Mr. Delmar.
The second he sees a body laying on the ground behind the counter, Peter sprints to it, glad to see the man is conscious. That must mean the smoke hasn’t done too much damage yet. He barely notices how his own lungs burn as he helps the man stand up while scooping Murph into his free arm, ignoring how the cat claws at his hand. Peter hates to make the feline uncomfortable, but there is no time to dwell on that. When he is sure Mr. Delmar’s legs are steady, he starts leading the man out of the building, trying to figure out the best way out through all the smoke.
For once, he is silent while wearing the mask. Peter is incapable of pulling the shield of Spider-Man to protect him from all the feelings assaulting him, all he can do is try to keep it together until everyone is safe. Peter has never fucked up as badly as he has now (Mr. Stark must have seen it coming and that’s why he ignores the boy, not wanting to waste his time on a failure).
Even the fresh air filling his lungs as he steps outside the burning building does nothing to make him feel better. Peter holds Mr. Delmar upright as he couches violently while simultaneously trying to suck in as much of the fresh air as he can, and when the man is done, Peter helps him lean on a lamp post. He bites his wobbling lip as he sets the irritatedly meowing Murph on the ground, forcing himself to not feel hurt when the cat instantly jogs away from him (he could have really used a few pets for comfort, but he guesses he doesn’t deserve them anyway).
Then he turns to look at the ATM building, only to see it empty, all the criminals having escaped. Instead of facing his failure, Peter quickly climbs onto a roof, hearing the sirens approaching and knowing Mr. Delmar will get medical care soon. He doesn’t see the group of criminals anywhere, but he still forces himself to swing forward, mindlessly searching for them.
-
It takes two hours for him to give up, the sun already having set, leaving everything into darkness. There are no signs of the group anywhere, no matter how desperately Peter searched. Only when black spots fill his vision from the continuous running, and the burning in his lungs from the smoke and exercise gets unbearable, does Peter stop. He crashes onto a rooftop, legs instantly giving out under himself. As he gasps for air, he rips his mask off, throwing it to the side.
Then finally the tears start falling. Peter bites his arm to hide his sobs as he curls over himself, forehead pressing onto the scratchy concrete. Guilt is pressing down on his chest until he feels like his ribs are going to crack under it, the pain in his lungs is nothing compared to that. It takes everything in Peter to not let out his anguished wails, no wonder everyone hates him, no wonder Mr. Stark wants nothing to do with him.
People could have died tonight, all because of Peter. The thought makes him want to rip his brains out and smash them onto the ground until he stops being so fucking useless. There are so many things he could have done differently, but because he is an idiot, he did none of those things and instead escalated the situation to the point of someone almost dying. It’s been a while since Peter has hated himself this much.
When he finally manages to stop crying, pushing all his guilt into a box he can deal with later, he takes out his phone. Peter forces himself to not overthink it, and instead finds Happy’s contact and pressing call. This is something he needs to tell to someone who can actually deal with it, not fuck up like Peter did.
While he waits for Happy to either answer or hang up, he wipes his tears roughly, wincing at the pain in his body he has just now noticed. Peter feels like one big bruise, and he is pretty sure he has a couple of cracked ribs. He needs to remember to be careful to not get hit there until they heal, he can’t afford broken ribs. Those are not a thing Peter thinks he can just wait out, especially if they shift out of place.
Much to his surprise, Happy actually answers the call, spitting out an irritated “yeah?”
“H-happy”, Peter starts, hating how his voice cracks. He tries to desperately figure out what to say before the man loses his patience and hangs up, he never expected to get this far. “There were these people robbing an ATM-”
“I don’t have time for ATM robberies”, Happy cuts him off, and before Peter can explain himself, the man is continuing: “I have moving day to worry about, everything’s gotta be out by next week”. Peter’s heart drops. Moving day?
“Moving?” he chokes out, hating how pathetic he sounds.
“Tony sold the Avengers Tower, we are relocating to a new facility upstate, where hopefully the cell service is worse”, Happy explains like it’s the most obvious thing. The man’s clear dismissal towards him barely stings compared to the realization Mr. Stark is leaving. If Peter never called Happy, when would have he found out? Would anyone have bothered to inform him? Not that Mr. Stark has any obligation, Peter just apparently is more delusional than he thought. He wants to laugh at himself, did he really think Mr. Stark was ever going to pay any attention to him? Why would he? Peter has nothing to give to the man.
Apparently he takes too long to answer, as Happy is continuing: “Look, just stay away from anything dangerous, I’ll be blamed if you do anything irresponsible, okay?” and then the man hangs up.
Peter locates where he left his backpack basically blindly, his vision obstructed by tears. Changing into his normal clothes is just a blur, as is his walk home. He can’t pay attention to anything else than the insults his brain screams at him. Useless, failure, unwanted, burden. As he enters the empty apartment, he doesn’t even make it to his room until he breaks down, falling on his knees onto the living room floor. All he can do is remove his hoodie so he can press his cries into it, and then Peter is swept away by his suffocating emotions.