Work Text:
11/14/24
Layla's thoughts would often convince her that her presence didn't matter to anyone. That she was just a small, insignificant entity in the grand scheme of things called the universe. She would question her worth, wondering if anyone would notice or care if she was gone. And in those moments of despair, she would feel even more lonely and isolated than ever before.
The thought of disappearing, of simply fading away like a star in the night sky, seemed almost tempting, a release from numbers binding her.
In those moments, Layla would almost feel like a cosmic entity herself, a star that had gone supernova, burning brightly for a short period before inevitably fading away into oblivion. Layla soon decides to leave a small note with the exact moment like a star leaving something behind.
It's a common misconception that when a star dies, it just simply disappears. In reality, when a star reaches the end of its life, it goes through a spectacular transformation known as a supernova. During this explosion, the star releases a tremendous amount of energy and material into space.
There is approximately 200 billion— no, trillion stars in the universe.
What significants was there if a single star were to cease?
No one would ever seem to notice if a supernova were to happen because of a star dying.
No one noticed that star anyways.
ꕥ
Layla stood alone on the balcony, her small frame silhouetted against the night sky. She leaned against the railing, her long, dark hair cascading down her back. The white nightgown she wore seemed to glow faintly under the pale moonlight, making her look ethereal in the dim light.
She gazed up at the sky, her eyes taking in the vast expanse of stars that adorned the night. The silence around her was thick and heavy, broken only by the occasional breeze that gently rustled the trees' leaves.
Normally, at this hour, Layla would still be buried under her books and notes, frantically scribbling down equations and concepts before an exam or assignment.
But tonight, she was outside, allowing herself a rare moment of respite from her relentless academic schedule. She felt a pang of guilt for not studying, but quickly pushed it aside. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and needed a break. So instead, she focused on the beauty of the night sky before her, letting the cool night air brush against her skin and soothe her weary mind one last time.
The silence was strangely calming. For once, there was no pressure to study, no internal voice screaming at her to memorize more equations or to cram more facts into her already overstuffed brain. It was just her, the sky, and the gentle hush of the night.
“Please, stars’ give me your blessings to guide me into whatever path fate may give..” Layla whispered and clasped her hands together and looked up with tired eyes into the starry skies.
The silence that followed her prayer was almost expectant, as if the universe itself was listening to her words. The stars seemed to twinkle just a little brighter, as if acknowledging her plea and granting her their silent support.
Layla took a couple of steps forward, her bare feet against the cold stone of the balcony. The night air was calm and still, wrapping her in a cocoon of silence.
She stared at the dark abyss below, her gaze detached and her Layla took a couple of steps forward, her bare feet against the cold stone of the balcony. The night air was calm and still, wrapping her in a cocoon of silence.
She stared at the dark abyss below, her gaze detached and her mind was strangely blank now. It was as if the endless stream of exams, research, and sleepless nights had finally taken their toll, and she had reached a point of total mental exhaustion. The constant pressure, the relentless pursuit of academic excellence— it had finally become too much to bear.
She inched closer to the edge of the balcony, her nightgown fluttering around her legs in the gentle night breeze.
“May the stars’ give their blessing..” Layla whispered once more and clasped her hands before looking up one last time.
The stars above seemed to watch her, their faint light shining down in silent acknowledgment of her presence. . . The only one who acknowledged her existence.
After her prayer, a voice asked.
“..Layla what are you doing?” Alhaitham's voice pierced through the stillness of the night, causing Layla to jump slightly, still in her trance. She slowly turned to look at him, her eyes almost vacant.
"I...I was just looking at the stars," she replied quietly, her voice soft and a little shaky. She had been so lost in her contemplation that she hadn't even heard him approach.
Alhaitham studied her carefully, taking in her tired, disheveled appearance. It was clear that something was bothering her, and he had a strange feeling that it went beyond just the usual stress of academics.
"Are you...sure that's all you were doing?" he asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral. "You look a bit...odd, if I may say so."
Layla's gaze flickered towards the edge of the balcony, as if drawn to the dark abyss below. For a moment, there was a strange flicker in her eyes, as if she was contemplating something, but it was quickly gone, replaced by a mask of emotionless neutrality.
‘Why is he here?’ Layla wondered. Why was Alhaitham here at this hour, and why was he inquiring if she was truly 'just looking at the stars'? It was an unexpected intrusion, coming from her older brother who generally left her alone.
Layla turned back to Alhaitham, her eyes now meeting his gaze. Part of her wanted to know what he was doing, but another part of her wanted to dismiss him, to tell him to leave her alone.
"Why...Why are you here?" she asked, "It's the middle of the night. Shouldn't you be...studying or something?"
"I could ask you the same thing," he retorted. "What are you doing out here at this ungodly hour?"
"I...I was just looking at the stars," Layla repeated, her voice slightly defensive. She fidgeted a little, shifting her weight. Despite the mask of calm indifference she was trying to maintain, there was a hint of uncertainty in her expression.
Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, not quite satisfied with her response. "Just looking at the stars? At this hour?" he questioned, his tone a bit skeptical. "Really? That's all?"
Layla shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, aware that he wasn't entirely convinced. "Yes...That's all," she said a bit too quickly, avoiding his eyes. The last thing she wanted was for him to know what was really going on in her head.
Alhaitham narrowed his eyes, his perceptive gaze seeing straight through her facade. "I don't believe you," he said bluntly. "There's something else you're not telling me."
Layla swallowed hard, trying to maintain her composure. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her nightgown, avoiding his gaze. "What do you mean? There's not, really," she protested feebly, her voice cracking a little.
Alhaitham crossed his arms, his gaze not leaving Layla. "You're a terrible liar," he said bluntly but without malice. "I know you too well for that. There is something else bothering you, isn't there? Something more than just 'looking at the stars'."
Layla knew that engaging in an argument with her brother was a dangerous move. She didn't want to risk getting scolded by their parents for being disrespectful. "No, there's nothing else," she insisted, her voice firm. "I'm really just...looking at the stars."
But Alhaitham wasn't buying it. He could tell that she was lying, and he wasn't keen on letting it go just yet. "Come on, Layla," he pressed, his voice still gentle but firm. "There's something you're not telling me. I can tell."
Layla fidgeted again, her eyes darting around the balcony. She didn't know how much longer she could keep up her facade. "Really, there's nothing," she said again, her voice softer, almost pleading. "Can we please just...drop it?"
Alhaitham let out a soft sigh, a slight hint of annoyance crossing his face. "Layla, you're not doing a very good job of convincing me," he said bluntly. "I can tell there's something on your mind, something you're trying to hide. Why won't you just tell me?"
Layla felt a pang of frustration and anxiety. She hated confrontation, especially with someone as stubborn and perceptive as her older brother. "It's just...personal stuff," she muttered, shifting her weight again, avoiding his eyes.
Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, clearly not satisfied with that explanation. "Personal stuff?" he repeated, his tone a bit skeptical. "What kind of 'personal stuff' could you possibly have that you can't even tell your own brother about?"
Now she’d done it..
Layla winced internally, realizing that she had probably pushed Alhaitham's already thin patience a bit too far. Now, he was giving her a look that clearly said that he wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily.
"Layla," he began, his voice firmer now, "You can't expect me to just drop this and pretend like nothing's happening. I'm your brother, and I worry about you. If something's bothering you, you should talk to me about it."
“Don’t act like you suddenly cared!” Layla's voice rose, and her words were sharper than she had intended. Frustration and resentment built up within her, fueled by years of feeling neglected and unappreciated.
Alhaitham froze, clearly taken aback by her outburst. He hadn't expected her to be so confrontational, especially not when it came to something like their relationship.
Now she’d really had done it.
Layla looked up at him and waited for his reply.
"That's..." he began, clearly struggling for a suitable response. "That's not true, Layla, and you know it."
"It's always about you! Your grades, your future, your plans. I'm just...I'm just...I'm always the last one you think about, the last one to matter."
Alhaitham frowned, his expression torn between anger and sympathy. "That's not true and you know it," he said gruffly, struggling to keep his voice even. "You're my sister. You will always be important to me."
Layla huffed, "Then why do I always feel like an afterthought? Like all those years spent studying and working hard don't matter to you, or to anyone, because they’re always so focused on your own success..."
Alhaitham was quiet for a moment, not quite knowing what to say to that. He hadn't realized that the constant focus on his own success had made Layla feel neglected. But he didn't want to admit it, not just yet. Instead, he chose to deflect. "What about your studies? You've always had excellent grades, and you always study hard..."
"Yeah, because I'm supposed to," Layla retorted, her voice bitter now. "But it's not just studies. It's everything. All the time. My achievements are always just...expected, like they're the bare minimum."
Alhaitham clenched his jaw, his patience wearing thin. "It's not just about expectations, Layla," he said, his voice edged with annoyance. "It's about hard work and dedication, about making something of yourself. That's what our parents want for you. A future, a good life."
“And you didn’t think that I would be affected?” Layla erupted.
Alhaitham shifted uncomfortably, his defensiveness fading into remorse. "Of course I thought you would be. But it wasn't intentional, Layla," he protested, his voice softer now. "They just... I want you to achieve your full potential. I want you to succeed."
"It wasn't intentional," she said, "How convenient for you. It was never intentional. But it still hurts, you know. I'm just...I'm just tired of being the afterthought, the little sister you never really cared about."
Alhaitham's jaw tensed, "That's not true," he said again, his voice softer now. "I do care about you. We just...we have different expectations, that's all."
“Just please shut up and let me die!”
Why did she just say that?!
Laylah's words hung in the air, and she immediately regretted them. She hadn't meant to say that out loud, and certainly not to her own brother.
Layla's horror at her own outburst was mirrored on her face. She hadn't meant to say that. She hadn't meant to mention such a dark thought, not even to herself, let alone to her brother. She opened her mouth, intending to take back her words, but they had already been spoken.
Alhaitham froze, his expression a mixture of shock and hurt. He hadn't been expecting her to say something so drastic, and it took him a moment to process her words. "What did you just say?" he asked, his voice quiet now.
Layla froze, her face turning pale. She hadn't meant to say that, it had just slipped out, a mixture of anger and frustration. Seeing the hurt in Alhaitham's eyes, she immediately regretted her words. "I... I didn't mean it," she protested, backpedalling rapidly. "I was just...I was just angry, that's all."
But Alhaitham was not buying it. "You didn't mean it?" he echoed, his voice laced with disbelief. "You just casually throw out that you want to die? And you expect me to believe that you didn't mean it?"
Layla flinched at his words, her heart racing in her chest. "I... I don't know what I meant," she stuttered, her voice cracking a bit. "I was just...I was just angry, that's all. I didn't really mean it. I don't... I don't really want to die."
“Layla. Is this why I found you on a balcony?”
Layla looked away, a mixture of shame and guilt in her expression. She hadn't realized that Alhaitham had figured out her current predicament. "I... I was just...looking at the stars," she repeated, her voice a poor attempt at a lie.
Alhaitham's eyes narrowed, not buying her obvious lie. "Looking at the stars, huh? Then why was I able to find you standing on the edge of the balcony?" he asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.
Layla swallowed hard, her heart pounding in her chest. How had Alhaitham figured it out? And now, he was questioning her even more. "I...I wanted to...breathe in the fresh air," she mumbled, trying desperately to come up with a believable excuse.
Alhaitham shot her a skeptical look, clearly unconvinced by her explanation. "Is that so?" he responded dryly. "Because it looked more like you were about to jump, not 'breathe in the fresh air.'"
“…”
She had no explanation, no defense. Alhaitham had her cornered, and she was out of excuses.
The silence between them grew thicker, the weight of Layla's confession and Alhaitham's realization hanging in the air. He studied her for a long moment, his expression betraying a mix of concern and judgment.
Layla's thoughts were a whirlwind of guilt, shame, and desperation. She wanted to jump right then and there, anything to avoid this situation, avoid Alhaitham's questions and his reaction. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, and the more she fought against the urge, the more her heart raced in her chest.
Alhaitham was still watching her intently, his eyes never leaving her face. He could see the turmoil within her, the conflicted emotions warring with each other. "Layla," he began softly, his voice a little gentler now. "Can I ask you something?"
Layla nodded in reluctant agreement, her heart still beating wildly. She could tell that Alhaitham wasn't going to let this go, and she was dreading what he was about to ask.
Alhaitham took a step closer, closing the distance between them. He looked her in the eye with an intense gaze, his voice serious. "How long have you been feeling like this?" he asked bluntly.
Layla swallowed hard, her eyes dropping to the floor. She could feel the weight of Alhaitham's question, the gravity of his words. "I...I don't know," she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper. "For a while...for a long time now."
Alhaitham frowned, clearly dissatisfied with her response. "How long is a 'while'?" he pressed, his gaze not wavering. "A month? A year? Longer?"
“Since.. the graduation of middle school.” Layla admitted and wanted to just cry.
Alhaitham's eyes widened in surprise at her revelation. "Middle school?" he asked, his voice tinged with disbelief. "That long?"
Layla nodded, her face pale and guilt-ridden. "Yes," she whispered. "Since...since middle school."
Alhaitham wrapped his arms around his sister and pulled her closer, enveloping her in a tight embrace. Alhaitham's action took Layla by surprise. She hadn't been expecting a hug, much less a comforting one. But as he wrapped his arms around her, she found herself leaning into the embrace, the weight of her emotions finally starting to come crashing down.
“This is the least I could give you after you’ve been through..” Alhaitham whispered softly.
Layla's tears spilled over, streaming down her face. She couldn't hold them back anymore, not with the weight of everything that had been building up inside her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice catching. "I'm so...so sorry."
Alhaitham squeezed her tighter, his arms providing a comforting anchor. "Don't be," he said quietly. "This isn't your fault."
…
‘I guess this was stars’ blessing afterall..’