Chapter Text
Emily always feels like a passenger waiting for a train that she always misses. It’s either she gets there too late or she’s too scared to actually get on the train.
This is what Emily feels whenever she thinks about JJ.
The first time she met JJ, she honestly did not notice her immediately. Emily was the new kid, she was too busy trying to earn everybody’s trust. Trying to earn her spot and prove her worth to the team.
It started with the little things. The first thing that Emily noticed was JJ’s eyes, blue might as well be Emily’s new favorite color. She honestly did not even notice it but she unconsciously started always looking at JJ’s eyes. Whenever she’s talking to JJ, whenever JJ is talking to someone, whenever JJ is around really, but her most favorite is probably when the corner of JJ’s eyes crinkle when smiles or laugh. That’s probably her most favorite to look at JJ’s eyes.
Whenever Emily says anything blue, she associated it with JJ’s eyes. Gentle, kind, and expressive. The opposite of Emily’s, if you ask her.
Then comes JJ’s voice, always so gentle, always so comforting, soothing. Emily could honestly listen to her talk all day.
Emily Prentiss fell for JJ slowly, like the trickle of sunlight through the window as it rises in the morning. Warm and pleasant.
Until it eventually burned too bright and it become uncomfortable, unbearable, and painful.
Emily for the life of her cannot hold it in any longer. And so, she decided that after they solve this case, she will tell JJ.
This is what she told herself while she sitting down in their plane while looking at JJ.
But then the detective from the New Orleans happened.
Emily should’ve known, she had a hunch JJ was meeting someone secretly. The media liaison was always not available during weekends, or is always somehow out of town whenever they get a much deserve break.
Emily didn’t falter though. While the case was on going, she was still hopeful. But hope can only go on so much.
She secretly watched the two of them, secretly watched JJ.
She somehow deluded herself into thinking that this was not a one sided thing, this thing between her and JJ. This dance they’ve done around each other, she taught that the blonde also liked her back.
Clearly, after observing the way JJ stared at Will, the feelings were not at all mutual.
So she did the dumbest possible thing ever.
“You should go for him.” Emily said, if JJ actually listened a little better she would actually hear how insincere Emily was. But Emily was also good at put a mask, and JJ was a little bit too distracted to notice.
JJ did not even look at her. Did not even hesitate to look at her.
JJ did not see the crestfallen look on the brunette’s face, her stoic eyes faltering for a moment. Glassy and hurt.
Reid and Morgan walked just in time, saving herself from embarrassment and giving her the excuse to walk out of the room.
Unbeknownst to her, Morgan was looking at her closely. Morgan was baffled by her reaction, but chalks it up to Emily just getting tired from the case.
Emily returned to the hotel room she was sharing with JJ that night crying.
“This is so pathetic.” She laughed through her tears. Emily Prentiss does not cry. She shouldn’t have opened herself up to JJ, to the possibility of loving and being loved by JJ. She let her walls down. Tonight, she was reminded why they were there as her body got wrecked by sobs.
"You really taught someone could genuinely love you for a minute there. My own mother can't even-" Emily couldn't even finish what she was telling the four corners of the room, as she laughed and cried all at the same time.
Emily don’t fall in love easy, always so careful with her heart. If she’s being honest, this is the first time she truly felt this strongly towards anyone.
That night, JJ did not return to their hotel room. That night you finally admitted to herself that she didn’t just like Jennifer Jareau. She was in love with Jennifer. Hopelessly and pathetically in love with her.
But off she goes.
Just like a train.
Emily was in her head too much, spent too much time being scared.
Emily missed the train.