Chapter Text
“Everyone ready? The cameras start rolling in less than five minutes!” Josephine skimmed her hands over her dress, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from the golden fabric.
“Almost there,” Leliana said, her eyes scanning quickly over the checklist before her. Usually those last-minute details would have been Josephine’s forte, but since she was their host, the task had fallen to Leliana. “Our participants have arrived, and our technicians are finishing the last round of camera and microphone checks in prep for the opening events.”
From behind the studio camera, the show’s legal counsel, Solas, spoke up. “All waivers from participants have been signed and notarized, and we have all rights to any and all film and audio produced hereafter.” He reached up and straightened his pale green tie. “Our protections are ironclad. We are ready to begin.” One hand ran briefly over his bald head, the only indication of nerves for the otherwise stoic elf.
“I agree,” Leliana said. She crossed her hands over the clipboard and turned to Josephine. “Are you ready?”
The producer and host looked nervous. “Are you sure? Perhaps I should look things over.” She started toward the ratings director, but the slender woman held up her hand and Josephine froze.
“Josie, please,” Leliana said gently. “We have done everything possible to prepare.” She stepped closer, just inside the camera’s visibility, and touched Josephine’s shoulder. “We are ready.”
Josephine nodded quickly. A blush spread across her cheeks, and she patted nervously at the dark curls piled high on her head. “You’re right,” she admitted. “I’m just nervous.”
Leliana smiled to herself as she stepped back, taking up her place beside Solas. “You’ll be great,” she assured her. “You are a born host. All that’s different now is who you are hosting.”
“The first major reality TV show in Thedas,” she laughed. “No big deal.”
Solas moved as if to speak, but Leliana grabbed his arm, stopping him. “That’s right. Now, do you remember your opening lines?”
Josephine closed her eyes for a moment against the harsh studio lights. She took a deep breath, centering herself, before reciting her lines quietly to herself. When she opened her eyes, she saw Leliana smiling at her. “I’m ready,” she said. “How’s my hair?”
“Lovely, Josie,” Leliana said. She exchanged a look with the studio cameraman, and he nodded. “We’re on in less than 30 seconds now. Last moment checks?” The cameraman shook his head and gestured to the television screen set up behind Josephine.
“We’re green across the board,” he said. “Looks like the house is ready too.” The TV showed a buzz of activity just outside Skyhold, the enormous estate they’d chosen to house the participants in their new reality show. Participants had arrived that morning to sign the last of the paperwork and get mic’ed up, and they had been milling about, few chatting but all looking a little nervous with their suitcases and other personal belongings hanging off them. Technicians ran around making last-minute camera adjustments, and other staff members gently herded the participants toward the looming wrought-iron gate.
“Countdown in ten,” the studio cameraman said, and Leliana flashed Josephine a thumbs up.
“We’re ready to go,” she said, and Josephine couldn’t help her nervous smile.
“Count me down,” she replied. She straightened her spine, falling into the regal posture she found so comforting, and folded her hands in front of her.
Leliana nodded, watching the cameraman for her cue. “Five, four, three…” she held up two fingers, then one, and the red “TAPING” light turned on overhead.
Josephine flashed the camera a brilliant smile. “Hello,” she began, her nerves gone. “And welcome to The Real World: Skyhold.”
---
Talia dumped her neatly labeled suitcase just in front of the gates. Taking a deep breath, she stretched her arms above her head and tried to get a good look at the house that was to be her home for the next three months. It was hard to see from the end of the driveway, but it looked enormous, its decorative façade rising toward the pale blue sky. The producers must have bought it from some wealthy Orlesian family -- the twin lion statues at the foot of the enormous staircase were a dead giveaway that this was not some sturdy castle but instead a house built for entertainment and leisure.
Despite the warmth of this late spring day, Talia shivered. She'd lived in Val Royeaux for years, but she still hadn't gotten used to the Orlesian preference for gilding and masks, and this house looked like the embodiment of that culture.
The grounds before the mansion were welcoming though, all lush green grass and towering trees. Bushes covered with elaborate flowers lined the perfectly manicured gardens, and she found herself hoping there were roses and crystal grace so it would at least smell like home.
She'd pushed herself all the way up against the high wrought-iron fence that surrounded this place, her hands gripping the bars so she could get a better look, when someone behind her cleared their throat. She spun around.
A tall man with the most ridiculous twirling mustache she'd ever seen stood behind her. His tawny suit jacket was unbuttoned, revealing a gray v-neck t-shirt over a pair of weathered jeans. One hand tugged down his sunglasses to give her an appraising look, a smile creeping across his features.
"I was coming to have a look at our estate," he began. "But I see the view is much better with you in front of it."
Talia's eyebrows rose into her dark hair. "Excuse me?"
The man pushed his sunglasses up into his perfectly coifed black hair, revealing a pair of twinkling blue gray eyes. "I did not mean to insult," he said, and with a flourish, he performed an elaborate bow, one hand extended toward her as if she were royalty. "Dorian Pavus, at your service."
Talia glanced around nervously, wondering who this stranger was performing for. "Are the cameras on already? I thought we'd have some warning," she asked, her voice nearly squeaking with her sudden anxiety.
Dorian straightened before her, one hand brushing over his outfit. Talia noticed an enormous silver skull ring on one finger. "Goodness no," he assured her. "But I am always this fabulous, darling, and you must get used to that." He winked.
Talia stared.
The man rolled his eyes and stepped past her to look at their new home. "Really, I just thought I'd join you. I haven't yet seen Skyhold, and any minute we're to be ushered into its depths for months. It seemed only proper to have a look first." He glanced at her over one shoulder. "Plus, you looked lonely over here, so separate from the crowd. I thought I'd keep you company."
Talia still stared. "I'm so confused right now," she muttered.
Dorian turned back, pushing the sleeves of his blazer up his arms as he did. "Shall we start again?" He held out his hand and smiled once more. "Dorian Pavus. I'm to be one of your new roommates."
"Talia Trevelyan," she answered, extending her hand as she wrapped her mind around the reality of his statement. She'd agreed to be a participant on this new show weeks ago, but it was now sinking in that in only a few minutes, she'd be getting a host of roommates and expected to survive with them for three months in one house.
She gave herself a mental shake and tried to smile back. "I'm sorry," she said. "This is all a little shocking to me still." She pumped Dorian's hand several times too many, but he just chuckled.
"I absolutely understand, darling," he said. He gestured toward the crowd of people behind them, and Talia saw the Tevinter dragon tattooed on the inside of his tanned forearm. "Have you met our other roommates?"
"Not yet," she said, surveying them. Despite the crowd, it was easy to tell who was a participant and who was staff. The staff members all moved with purpose -- attaching mics, straightening collars and cuffs, testing equipment -- while the participants mostly milled about awkwardly, few speaking and even fewer looking happy about their current situation.
She studied the participants for a moment. An older man with a dark beard was glaring at the petite technician fitting him with a mic. Beside him, a slender blonde elf bounced on the balls of her feet, the hem of her red tunic fluttering against her plaidweave leggings with each movement. She was talking excitedly to a gigantic qunari wearing a wife beater and black jeans tucked into his combat boots. He was head and shoulders taller than the elf, but that didn't seem to bother her as she reached up to touch his horns, inspiring a laugh like rolling thunder on the horizon.
A few steps away stood an elegant woman with dark skin wearing an expensive-looking white dress. She was typing away at her phone, her long nails probably clicking with each letter as she worked. Like Dorian, she wore an enormous pair of sunglasses, though hers were rimmed with gold that matched the hoops in her ears. A dwarf stood near her, his long hair tied back and his unbuttoned shirt revealing a surprising amount of chest hair. His arms were crossed as he studied the other participants, and Talia found herself uncrossing her own arms so she didn’t look as annoyed as he did.
Talia scanned around the crowd for the other participants. Nine of them had agreed to this little adventure, yet including herself and Dorian, she only counted seven. Where were the other two?
Another moment or two of searching and she spotted them all the way at the back of the crowd, the furthest people from the gates leading into Skyhold. One, a tall, severe-looking woman with close-cropped hair, was gesturing and talking, while the other, an even taller blonde man in a white button-down, stood silently by, his intense gaze turned toward the gates -- and toward Talia, though she quickly looked away so they wouldn't catch her staring.
She'd meet all of them soon enough; they didn't need to think she was strange before they'd even met her.
Talia glanced around for Dorian only to find him taking a selfie with the iron gates of Skyhold. She couldn't help her chuckle, and Dorian looked over before gesturing for her to join him.
"I'm good, thanks," she laughed, but he wasn't taking no for an answer.
"Come now," he demanded, walking over and grabbing her arm. "We must document this momentous occasion!"
"What occasion," she asked as she stumbled along behind him.
"The start of our friendship, of course," he said, his voice suggested that this was entirely too obvious to need explanation.
"That's great and all, but I don't like being in pictures."
Dorian paused and looked up from playing with the camera settings on his phone. "I'm sorry," he began. "Did you just say you don't like being in pictures?"
Talia blushed and ran a hand through her hair. "Well, yes," she admitted, not making eye contact.
Dorian stepped very close to her, much too close for the strangers they actually were, probably too close even for the friends he'd labeled them. "Talia, my dear," he said seriously, putting a hand on her shoulder. "We are about to be reality TV stars. We'll be on camera 24 hours a day, minus rest stops. How do you plan on accomplishing this if you don't like taking pictures?"
She pondered this for a moment, her eyes drifting away from Dorian's serious face and instead roving over the other participants again. Most were still just standing about, though the staff moved more urgently than before. When she glanced at the man who had been staring so unhappily at the gates before, she found that he hadn't looked away. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, and a jolt of adrenaline rushed through her, like she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't. She looked away and inadvertently looked right back at Dorian.
He fluttered his fingers at her in a rather effeminate wave. "Thank you for joining me," he teased. "Now, my question…"
"I don't know, Dorian," Talia groaned. She rubbed her forehead briefly. "My brother signed me up for this as a joke, I didn't think I'd get picked!"
"And now here you are," he chirped. He positioned himself at her side and lifted his phone. "Smile, dear. Now's the time to overcome that hate of pictures and go for it." He flashed her a smile and turned to the camera.
Talia took a deep breath. She had no idea how this total stranger had pinpointed her exact discomfort in such a short time, nor did she have a clue as to how he'd made overcoming it sound so simple. But taking a picture and enjoying it suddenly did sound simple, and just as a real smile slide over her face, the camera flashed.
"Look how lovely you are," Dorian told her, flipping through the tiles to find their selfie. "Absolutely stunning. Now," He tucked the phone away and, with a flourish, replaced his sunglasses over his eyes. "Shall we join the group?"
She glanced over again and saw the technicians herding everyone toward them, toward the gates. "Ten minutes to taping," one shouted, and she cringed. This was it -- in the next few minutes, she'd be meeting her new housemates, and within an hour, she'd be probably be playing some ridiculous icebreaker game so she could figure out who she'd like, and who she could merely tolerate.
Beside her, Dorian looked positively gleeful. "Look at the muscles on that one," he muttered, once again tugging down his sunglasses to turn his appraising eye on the approaching group.
"Which one," she asked without thinking, but she missed the smirk that crossed Dorian's face. Instead she was trying to figure out who he was looking at -- all seven of the other participants were coming towards them, but so were about a dozen staff members and technicians.
"Him," he replied, gesturing, but that didn't help. Between the glare of sunlight and the mass of people, she had no idea.
"Tell me later?" She asked just as the group reached them, the staff members urging the participants into two lines. Dorian didn't answer, only wiggled his eyebrows at her as he was moved into the back row with the other men. Suddenly Talia found herself between the elf she'd noticed earlier and the woman in the dress. She was still on her phone, and didn't look up even when a staff member guided her into place in the line. Talia was wondering if she'd be allowed to keep it when a staff member whistled. Most of the techs stepped away, leaving only a dwarven woman with a set of elaborate braids before them.
"Listen up," she shouted, and the participants stilled. "I'm Lace Harding, and I'm the head tech for the house. I know you're all nervous" -- Talia heard Dorian snort behind her -- "But we're about ready to go, so I want to review a few things very quickly." She started rattling off rules, reminding them for about the hundredth time that they were on camera at all times unless using the bathroom or showering. Talia remembered how the show's legal counsel, a serious elf in a crisp suit, had even made her sign something that stipulated how many times they'd reviewed the filming rules with her.
Can't hurt to be reminded one last time, she thought. Harding was still talking, so she couldn't have missed much. Quickly the tech listed some of the house activities, like game nights and trips into Val Royeaux, they'd be participating in over the next few months, and she assured them that if something went wrong, she and her fellow technicians would be there within minutes to take care of things.
"What might go wrong," asked the woman beside Talia, her phone finally less interesting than the person speaking before them.
"We don't anticipate much," Lace assured her. "But should the washing machine break, a light bulb go out, that kind of thing -- we'll be there to take care of it." She gave them a huge smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "We won't leave you high and dry, don't worry." The woman beside Talia shrugged and went back to her phone. Behind her, Talia could hear one of the men mutter about replacing light bulbs themselves, and she couldn't help but smile.
Harding listed off a few other minor details before another tech produced a set of envelopes and pens. "Your phones will need to go in these," she explained, passing them out. "We'll give them back when filming is over. You each get one un-monitored phone call per week to the person you designated during your legal consultation. Otherwise, no outside contact is permitted."
Talia remembered that part too. She'd listed her brother Will on her form, figuring that since he got her into this mess, he should have to listen to her bitch about it. She fished her phone out of her purse in time for the elf next to her to pass her an envelope.
"Exciting, innit," the woman giggled. Her short blond hair was spiked and messy, but her enormous smile was friendly and honest. Talia smiled back.
"I hope so," she said, tucking her phone into the envelope.
"Come on," the elf said, elbowing her. "It'll be fun! All sorts of adventures, you know." She scrawled her name across her envelope, and Talia could just barely read her writing: Sera. She didn't answer, wondering if she could ever see this as an adventure.
A phone-less adventure, though. The technicians swarmed over them, taking envelopes and sealing them before scurrying away. There was a brief altercation with the woman in the expensive dress, as she didn't want to give up her phone, but that was soon solved. The woman didn't look happy though, crossing her arms and glaring daggers at the tech.
"Two minutes to taping," a staff woman said to Harding, and the head tech clapped her hands.
"All right, now that that's done," she said. "We can get started! Josephine will talk you in -- she's our host -- and the first time you'll do is go through the gates and up to the house. Once there, go inside and find your rooms. They've already been assigned, so no worries. After that, you have about fifteen minutes to get settled and then there's lunch in the main lounge area."
"Is all our time scheduled," growled the older guy from the back row. Talia was pretty sure he was the same one who had complained about the light bulbs.
"Other than today and the events, no," Harding answered. "There's a pool party and a barbeque tonight, and after that you're on your own! Daily events, if any, will be posted on the fridge each morning. Just don't forget the cameras are always on!" She winked at them. "Any last minute questions?"
Talia had about a dozen. Who was her roommate? What if she didn't like her -- or him? They wouldn’t make her room with a guy, right? What if she didn't get along with someone? What if the kitchen caught on fire when she tried to cook? What if she'd forgotten something, like a toothbrush or her swimsuit? What if --
Her thoughts were interrupted by Harding once again. "If no one has anything…" she glanced around one last time before giving them a wave. "Have fun then! And good luck!" She stepped away, her hand already on her headset to report they were ready to go, and suddenly all nine participants were standing alone before the gates to their new home.
They all glanced nervously at each other before the qunari spoke from the back of the group. "Here goes nothing," he intoned, his deep bass voice vibrating through Talia's chest.
From Sera's other side, the dwarf with the chest hair leaned out and spoke. "Good luck, everyone," he said, chuckling. The woman with the close-cropped hair made a disgusted noise, and Talia glanced back, catching Dorian's eye. He winked at her and flashed her a smile.
"We'll be great," he said. Talia was about to answer when a far too cheerful voice boomed out of a television screen set up about ten yards in front of them.
"Hello," the voice said. A gentle Antivan accent washed over her, and suddenly Talia felt much better about this whole mess. She, along with the rest of the participants, turned toward the screen. "And welcome to The Real World: Skyhold."