Chapter Text
A stiff breeze, that was more like a hurricane at this scale, pushed it’s way in between the houses, and down the pathways of the fairy village, dragging with it hundreds of ray florets from a nearby clutch of dandelions. Swirling through the air slowly as the breeze died down they bumped into windows, built up against doorways, got caught in the fence palings. The whole village soon looked vaguely fuzzy no matter which direction you looked in. A few heads poked out of windows to look around in dismay. The clean-up was surely going to take hours.
A loud huffing was heard before a ferret came tumbling through the village, scattering the florets. He danced through them all, up and down the paths, the movements of his tail sweeping them all into a towering pile in the middle of the village square. Then he went gambolling off back into the field as an elder exited the council building, their eyes following as his tail disappeared in the tall grasses. They managed to look both pleased and mildly upset at the same time. A few workers filed out of the building next door and set about securing the pile of florets in case the wind picked up again. They could be compacted down and used as fire bricks, so nothing was wasted. The fairies of Joyton always saw everything as an opportunity no matter the inconvenience. It was something drummed into them from the moment they were old enough to understand language.
The late morning sunshine filtered through the leaves of the giant oak tree overhead, leaving dappled patterns on the grass of the Lee backyard.
Felix sat on his old swing, feet pushing himself slowly back and forth, his arms lazily looped around the ropes keeping him upright. He hadn’t sat on the swing for years, but he was feeling nostalgic today. So many things were about to change. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as they threatened to slip off due to the downward angle of his head. A few florets had ended up tangled in the fence and he thought briefly about turning them into something.
He was humming a little tune to himself when he noticed his best friend come fluttering into view over the fence.
“Morning Lix” he waved enthusiastically as his feet touched down. “It’s today right?” He was rising up a little on his toes in excitement and it made his wings flutter, catching the sunlight just so, making them shine.
Felix returned Jisung’s big grin and nodded happily. “I have my interview with Elder Ailis at midday” He glanced over at the sundial next to the back door that was still bathed in full sunshine. “Not long now!”
Jisung was plucking the florets out of the fence and had started to braid the ends together. He started humming the same tune his best friend was earlier.
“I’m going to miss you”
He grimaced a little when Felix tackled him to the ground in a hug.
“I will miss you too. We still have our birthday party on Saturday. It can be a farewell too!”
They wrestled around on the ground for a while before ending up in a comfortable pile of limbs leaning against the stairs leading up to the back door in the full sunshine. There were distant sounds of the children in the schoolhouse singing a rhyming song about the alphabet, a creak of a hand cart filled with rubbish being pushed down a nearby lane, and a splashing sound as someone drawing buckets of water from the well accidentally knocked over a ceramic vessel filled to the brim. “Golly” was the loud exclamation.
All of the sounds and the sights he’d grown accustomed to whilst growing up in Joyton would soon be replaced by something else. Everything familiar and comfortable would be pushed aside for adventure and unpredictability. Striding forth without his mother or his best friend or the village elders to guide him.
The blazing sunshine suddenly dimmed, and everything seemed to grow steadily darker the longer he sat there. He looked up in concern and realised it was a cloud of gnats hovering and blocking the sun’s rays from reaching the ground. Jisung looked at them curiously, he always found the non-fairy creatures they encountered fascinating. Even if they were pests. His dad had caught him harbouring an aphid in his room once. That had not gone down well at all.
Felix watched as a pair of village protection officers flew into view, spraying at the gnats with bellows filled with what he knew to be a foul-smelling liquid. The gnats quickly dispersed and then they were bathed in sunlight again. Glancing over at the sundial Felix was struck with a sudden panic as he noticed he only had five minutes to get to his appointment. He scrambled up to his feet and went racing out the garden gate, leaping over a pile of picked flowers covering the path and shouting a rushed apology to Jisung promising to see him soon.
-|-
His mother was standing at the entrance to the council building, still in her apron covered in smudges of clay, clearly having come straight from her studio to wish him well. Her golden eyes were shining with excitement, and she pressed a kiss to his forehead whilst handing over a wrapped package. It was wrapped in brown paper and held together with twine made from several different types of river reeds. Greens and browns that complimented each other well. He could tell she was about to start fussing so he smiled and repeated what she’d said that morning.
“Smile. Bow. Offer gift. I got it Mum” he hugged her close to him and let her magic swirl around him, blanketing him in a warmth he didn’t know he was missing in the already warm spring air. It never really got all that cold here even in the winter. He could count the times he’d seen snow on one hand and even then it had melted almost immediately when it touched the ground.
“I know you do” Her smile was wide and radiated the love she had for her only child. “I’ll see you at home for dinner” and with another kiss to his forehead she’d fluttered off down the path towards her pottery studio on the edges of the village near the stream.
His eyes turned to the intricately carved wooden doors in front of him. The giant oak tree that their village was nestled beneath spanned over the double doors, the carving done with the careful hands of a craftsman many years before. Felix ran his fingers over the leaves, the acorns, the tiny houses dotted amongst the exposed roots. A bird nestled in the branches, a stone bridge arching across the stream. The dark wood smooth under his touch as he tried to take in every detail. Then he formed his hand into a fist and knocked on the door.
The door opened immediately like the fairy on the other side had been standing and waiting for him to finish his reverie. It was one of the assistants to the Elders and he matched Felix’s broad grin.
“This way please, Mr Lee, she is waiting for you” and he led Felix down a short hallway to another intricately carved door (this time it was fairy wings of all types, even a few gemstones inlaid at certain points). It was the first time he’d been called Mr Lee and it made his stomach flip flop a little. He really was grown up now. The assistant knocked firmly on the door and it was pulled open with a rush of air. He bowed quickly and headed back down the hallway to his desk to do whatever it was the assistants did when they weren’t directing nervous fairies to intimidating doors.
If he didn’t know her so well, he would think Elder Ailis was an imposing figure. She was tall, with silvery grey hair scraped back into a bun at the nape of her neck. Her dark blue eyes that could look like a stormy sea if you were in trouble, now were sparkling like a calm lake in the sunshine. She was dressed in dark blue robes today, with gold embroidery that denoted her status within the village. Golden vines curled around the long sleeves and up around the collar.
His white pants and tunic seemed very understated in comparison, but he had dressed according to tradition. Simple and humble. There were many traditions associated with a fairy’s Awakening and he was making sure that he covered everything perfectly.
He started with the smile that seemed to have a calming effect on everyone he’d ever met. Even animals. Or at least the one animal he’d ever spent any time around.
“Good afternoon Elder Ailis” he said formally, bowing deeply. He straightened up and handed her the small, wrapped gift. He wasn’t entirely sure what was in it, but his mother had said not to worry and that she’d spent a long time making sure it was both something that was appropriate for the occasion and something Elder Ailis would like.
“Thank you, Felix” she smiled at him warmly, returning his bow and receiving the gift with both hands. With the necessary greeting formalities out of the way she gestured towards the chair in front of her desk for him to sit in. She placed the gift on the side of her desk and patted it fondly.
He took the seat and looked at her expectantly. He’d submitted his application last week and was very eager to hear when he might be embarking on the next step.
“Now as you know a fairy’s Awakening is a very important time in their life. Once they reach the age of 19 they are given the opportunity to explore the rest of the magical world by being apprenticed to other magical species. You are expected to learn what it is about them that makes them special, how their magic or skills help in their world and ours, and how you may learn their ways to carve a path for yourself. Some choose to stay here with their own kind to deepen their understanding of the magic contained within the air, whilst others choose further afield to broaden their minds and skills. You are one such fairy. I welcome you here today as you take that very important step”
It was a practiced speech, one she had made many times before for dozens of young fairies under her care over the years, even his own mother.
She held his application in her hand as her eyes scanned over it carefully, almost like she was seeing it for the first time.
“You chose the dwarves”
He leant forward on his seat excitedly. His wings didn’t flutter when he was excited or nervous like Jisung’s did. In fact, they hardly moved at all. Something had happened when he was developing in the womb that made him unable to fly. It wasn’t so unusual that it was never heard of, but he’d always felt so self-conscious and “other” to the rest of his classmates. But the teasing could have been worse. They could have picked on his glasses, or the fact he’d grown up without a father, so his somewhat useless wings were a small mercy. He knew his ability to fly or not wouldn’t stop him from doing what he wanted to do.
He didn’t want to work in construction or high-altitude foraging or village protection, so it shouldn’t matter that he couldn’t fly.
“No one has done that in more than 20 years”
Felix’s heart sank. Was his application going to be rejected? “Why?”
Elder Ailis looked uncomfortable and sad. He’d never seen her look sad before. She was always smiling and encouraging the younger fairies under her care. All three of the Elders were. It wasn’t a large village by any means, but it functioned like a well-oiled machine and that was in part thanks to the Elders. It didn’t sit right at all that she was looking sad.
“We are happy people, Felix. Fairies are happy. We bring joy to our families and our friends. We bring joy to our environment”
He nodded along, this felt very much like the start of her weekly meetings with the young people. It felt comfortable and safe. He relaxed a little.
“When something bad happens” his quick intake of breath sounded almost like a hiss. The word bad was akin to a swear word in their village. She paused to lean forward to pat him assuredly on the arm. “We try to find the good instead. If we can’t find the good, then we bury the ba-unpleasant, and never mention it again”
He looked at her confused, trying to understand what she was insinuating whilst not at all answering his question. “Did something…unpleasant happen with the dwarves?”
She had a tinkling laugh that filled the room with lightness immediately. “Of course not. The dwarves are lovely people. Very knowledgeable and kind. If a little loud”
He was even more confused now and showed it by a deep frown furrowing his brow. “But something happened twenty years ago?” His glasses had started to slide down his nose as the room suddenly seemed stifling hot and he felt sweat beading all over him. He pushed them up hurriedly and wondered if the Elder’s nerves at being questioned had caused her magic to overcompensate with the heating.
“We don’t talk about it” she half whispered in a sing-song voice, and busied herself by pouring them both a cup of elderflower cordial. The hand that held the jug shook almost imperceptibly and he noticed her purse her lips as she exhaled like she was trying to steady herself.
His eyes shifted to the knick-knacks on her desk as he thought about how next to phrase what he wanted to say so he’d get an actual answer. Right in front of him was a very tiny tree growing on a rock. He could see the root system weaving an intricate pattern in and out of the cracks of the rock. Small tufts of moss and lichen clung to the underside. It looked like an exact replica of the tree their village was nestled under, in miniature.
Next to it was a geode that seemed to glitter without any additional light hitting it. The rich purple of the crystals almost took his breath away. He wondered if this was a gift from the dwarves.
The other knick-knacks lined up certainly could have been gifts from the other magical species the Elders interacted with. That cluster of pearlescent shells from the merfolk? A weird, dark, somewhat festering lump encased in an airtight glass box might have been some love token from the goblins. He looked back at the tree. The brownies or the wood sprites. Could have been either, but he leaned more towards the brownies when he saw that the tree roots spelled out a word he knew to have more than one meaning. Brownies were cheeky. Wood sprites thought themselves above jokes and frivolity.
“Will I be allowed to go to the dwarves for my Awakening?”
Her face softened into a grateful smile. “Of course you will, my dear. Just be sure to do everything they tell you and-“ she gulped down the rest of her drink like it was fermented and this was New Years Eve. “Be aware that there are humans close to the mine”
“Humans?” he squeaked; his interest peaked. He’d never really believed what they’d been told in class about the humans. His mother had raised him to see the good in people first, instead of their species. She had told him it was a controversial opinion in the village though and it was best to keep that to himself. Which he did. Except for telling his best friend. He shared everything with Jisung. Controversial or not.
“I implore you to stay away from them. Don’t let your beautifully curious spirit get the best of you” she was studying his face carefully, her eyes lingering on his glasses, and there was a tension to her shoulders like she was holding back something.
Felix felt uncomfortable about being regarded so closely and he squirmed in his seat, grabbing the glass of cordial to give something for his hands to do. The condensation on the outside felt blessedly cool to his fingers. He’d always found humans fascinating. He immediately made up his mind to meet at least one of them.
She clapped her hands suddenly. “You will need some information!” She started pulling out slips of paper from various drawers on the bookcase beside her desk, plucking a little folder from a stack on her desk to put them in. “I will send a communication to the mine foreman about your arrival time. These papers will give you information about the portal and how the transformation will work. Please study it carefully. In a fortnight you will be setting off!”
He felt his heart swell in his chest with excitement. It was happening. It was really happening! His wish had been granted and his Awakening would begin soon.
In a matter of days he’d be starting his journey to find out the truth behind the question he’d been seeking an answer to almost all of his 19 years. The question his mother had refused to answer every time he’d brought it up.
“You’re happy aren’t you, Lixie?” she’d always said in that same sing-song voice that Elder Ailis had used.
She was right. He was happy. Had grown up happy. Happiness was what fairies did best. The Han family were just like family. The sibling energy he had with Jisung and his brother had succeeded in making him never feel lonely. Their parents, his bonus parents. Mr Han helping him understand some awkward situations during his teen years that his mother wasn’t equipped to deal with. Sunday night family dinner was always at the Hans. Felix and his mum bringing desserts to contribute to the table. Happy nights spent sharing food and laughter.
Nearly coming to blows on family game night when everyone was sure Jisung was cheating but he would protest his innocence until he was red in the face. When they were younger the kids putting on little performances in the Lee backyard whilst the parents relaxed on the garden furniture drinking rose wine and clapping enthusiastically. It had been…good. Fun. Fulfilling. He hadn’t felt like he’d grown up lacking for anything. It always chased away his questions for long periods of time. Still, he couldn’t help but want to know something about his father. His name would be a nice start. Did he have siblings? What did he like to do? What did he look like?
The villagers always said Felix looked like his mother. “So much like your mother” they would say, patting his chubby cheeks as a youngster. He wasn’t entirely convinced. Maybe they all saw what they wanted to see. His eyes were not like hers but nobody ever mentioned that. His hair had only gotten darker over the years whilst hers remained light. Sometimes he’d spray his hair with lemon juice and lay out in the sun at the strongest part of the day for the rays. It turned his hair a little caramel but nothing like hers.
He hadn’t really noticed it while it was happening but now that he thought back on it all, the whole village really was there for each other, but maybe just a little more for the Lees. He suddenly felt guilty that his mum had been shouldering thorns by herself all these years.
But the burning desire to find out who his father was, was never a flame that could ever be extinguished by any amount of hugs or kind words from his mum or the village. It was his mission. A mission he was very excited to be finally embarking upon.
-|-
Jisung had been waiting in the village square for him when he emerged. A dandelion floret in each hand, making up some dance and twirling them about in the air like he was cheering on an invisible team. He flew over to Felix and nearly knocked him right to the ground with excitement.
“Well?!” His hands were resting on Felix’s shoulders, and he was trying not to shake him. He was frantically searching Felix’s face for the answer.
Felix beamed. “I leave in two weeks”
Jisung let out a whoop and did a loop-de-loop in the air. “Dude, I am so happy for you!” He looked down at the folder stuffed with papers in his hand. “Oooh, homework?”
Felix nodded his head and looped his arm with his best friend. “Come on, let’s go back to my place and I can tell you everything!”
They strolled back towards the Lee house, passing workers coming back from lunch break and waving enthusiastically at the children playing in the yard next to the schoolhouse. The two fairies had finished their schooling at the end of last year but they’d been dropping by the schoolhouse weekly since school started again, as part of the volunteer program. Helping the younger ones with their reading and teaching them dances.
Felix looked back over his shoulder at the kids a little wistfully. This village was in every part of his bones and though he was filled with excitement about the next step of his journey, he sure would miss this place.
Jisung nudged him with his shoulder. “Watcha thinking about?” They were almost at Felix’s house now, climbing the gentle slope towards the garden gate.
“I’m going to miss home. It’s safe, warm and comfortable. The outside world, the thought of it feels cold. A little uninviting”
Jisung hugged Felix’s arm tightly between his own. “Once you get there it won’t be. Fairies bring happiness to wherever they go. You’ll radiate your sunshine over anything you see. I’m a little jealous of the dwarves. They get to have you all to themselves for a whole year!” and then he was dragging Felix through the gate and up the steps to the front door.
Jisung flaked out immediately on the bed like the elation of the day was just too much for him. He was tracing in the air with his finger, looking up at the stars Felix’s mum had painted onto the domed ceiling. He knew for a fact they glowed in the dark having spent many a sleepover in this room. He rolled onto his side, putting a hand under his head and leaning on his elbow.
“So…tell me everything!” Jisung had been dragging his feet on his own application for Awakening and the cut off was next week. He was hoping to glean any tips from Felix before it was his turn to be standing in front of Elder Ailis.
“She has a lot of weird little things on her desk”
“Duuude”
“Yeah, it was fine, I guess” He was looking thoughtful, something clearly stuck in his mind from the meeting. He was seated at his desk, the folder in front of him, sifting through the papers she’d given him.
Awakening – Dos and Don’ts
Transformation Potion – What You Need To Know
Portal Functionalities & How To Navigate
Dwarven Culture (this seemed woefully lacking as it was only one-half size piece of paper, albeit double sided)
Communication with Joyton
Emergency Situations
Your Safety, Your Responsibility (How to stay away from humans)
He started sorting them into his own personal order of importance. He had no intention of staying away from humans, but he should read that last one anyway. How he’d be when he got the chance to interact with humans, that was another question all together. He’d never even seen one before. All he knew was that they were big and didn’t have wings. Dwarves were also big though. At least to fairies.
“Did you know that no one has gone to the dwarves in more than twenty years? Elder Ailis seemed uncomfortable about it too. Like I was courting danger”
Jisung screwed up his face in thought. “That’s weird”
“Right? And she was adamant I stay away from humans”
Jisung shifted uncomfortably on the bed. He knew Felix’s family had a more relaxed attitude towards humans but he’d grown up toeing the line about all things anti-human and it was difficult to think differently. “She does have a point, Lix. With the history-“
Felix was shaking his head and looking thoughtful. “No, forget that. It felt… personal? Something happened twenty years ago, something significant. She got really tense when she looked at me in the eyes. Like there is something she knows that no one else does”
Jisung made a little noise with his mouth as he regarded his best friend. He loved him with all his heart and had for years, but sometimes the boy was just plain oblivious.
“I don’t mean to be rude Lix but didn’t you ever wonder about your eyes?”
Felix looked in the mirror. His eyes were a rich, deep brown. Like the bark on the giant oak tree that sheltered their village from most of the rain. In the sunlight they even looked bronze at times. He’d always been teased for not being able to fly that he never thought that anything else about him might be abnormal.
“What’s wrong with my eyes?” He’d widened them and was making silly faces at his reflection as if trying to figure out what Jisung was insinuating.
“It’s not a fairy colour” he said softly, putting a hand on his arm so he’d turn around. Felix turned to look into the pale green eyes of his best friend. “Green, pink, purple, blue, gold. All completely normal, but brown is…” he trailed off. Not wanting to insult his friend or make him sad.
“Brown is what?” he tilted his head to the side not having a clue what he meant. There it was again, that wide-eyed innocence.
Jisung whispered it like he was scared someone would overhear them and come bursting through the door. His eyes were even darting around the room as if to check for someone lurking.
“It’s human, Lix”
He was fiddling with his hands nervously now, worried about how his friend was going to react. “Your mum makes you wear those glasses for a reason. Why she told you to never take them off around anyone except her. They must be charmed or something, I don’t know. I’m not even sure what kind of magic that would be. When you wear them it makes me not question your eyes. Like I’m unaware of their existence almost. Elder Ailis is powerful. Maybe she sees through it? The first time you took your glasses off in front of me was like a little fog lifted from my mind. I suddenly saw you more clearly than I ever had before”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” he looked a little hurt that his best friend had kept something back from him for years.
“I didn’t know what it meant when I saw the brown. What do we even learn about humans in school? Next to nothing! A few nights ago I overheard my brother talking to my mum about a meeting he’d gone to with the village protection squad. They were meeting with the merfolk. He seemed disgusted when he recounted that the leader had brown eyes. Like it was a disease or something. I’ve only seen that look on his face when he’s talked about humans. It felt illegal to even think anything about it. I couldn’t say anything out loud that would confirm what I had assumed. Our families are such great friends, I didn’t want to be responsible for breaking that apart. Who knows what consequences might have occurred if I’d even whispered about this. You know how everyone here feels about humans. How all fairies do”
Felix knew, of course he did, they’d been taught about the Great Betrayal in history class. When the relations between the fairies and the humans had broken down and it was thought best that fairies be relegated to a mythical status like other sections of the magical world had also chosen to do. Hundreds of years ago. Humans were too much trouble for their own good. It was best to stay away.
Felix was shaking his head. “My mother spent time with the dwarves during her Awakening. I always assumed my father was a dwarf. They all have silvery-grey eyes. Gold and silver can make brown, can’t it?” He felt stupid as soon as the words left his mouth. Is that even how eye colour worked? Blending the two together like swirling paints on a palette? He sank back down on the chair and put his head in his hands.
“I feel so stupid. I chose the dwarves on my application because I thought it might give me a chance to search for my father. Someone there might be able to tell me who she spent time with. But now-“
He made a noise of frustration as he twisted his fingers into his hair and yanked on it with aggravation.
“Dude, there isn’t even an option for human!” he blurted out much louder than he’d intended, glad his mother was still at work. “This doesn’t seem right. I can’t-“ he trailed off helplessly.
Jisung walked up behind him and put his arms around his neck, leaning into his back, careful to not crush his wings. He patted his chest a few times to calm him down. They stayed like that in comfortable silence for a while, as Felix felt the crushing weight of realisation settle on him. All the excitement of his upcoming Awakening had disappeared from him like a rug being pulled out from under his feet. How he wished he could rewind their conversation back past when Jisung had dropped the human bombshell.
“It’s okay” Jisung’s tone was comforting even if he didn’t have the right words to fix things. “You’re still really interested in gemstones and stuff, right? It’s not going to be a waste of an Awakening. There is a lot of wisdom to be learned from the dwarves”
Felix snorted. “You’re missing the point, Sungie. You can’t just drop that bombshell on me that you think I’m part human”
He did have the decency to look embarrassed at his terrible attempt at redirection. “I know. Was looking for a silver lining” His wings fluttered in a way that Felix recognised as him being nervous. “You should talk to your mum”
“Do you think she’d really tell me the truth after all these years? Is it a crime to have a baby with a human?”
“I don’t know dude. It’s a question only she can answer” He poked him in the arm. “Will you help me with my application?” It was a blatant attempt at steering the conversation in another direction but Felix didn’t mind now. Jisung was right. Nothing could be done without him talking to his mum. Right now, in particular, he wanted to pretend he’d not been verbally slapped in the face with the knowledge that his father was a human. He’d just forget it. Tuck it into a corner of the back of his mind along with the taunts from the kids when he’d first gone to school and had failed every unit in class devoted to flying. The teacher had adapted things for him till he became quite an adept climber, but the words still stung even after all these years. He stuffed all those thoughts back into their hole of suffering and turned his attention to his best friend.
Felix grabbed the paper from him and read over the choices as he sat down on his bed. Jisung had made a few notes in the margin for each choice.
Felix found himself cackling with laughter.
“What?” Jisung was bouncing onto the bed to try and see what he found so funny. He pouted when Felix kept the paper away from him.
“You really think the merfolk are a viable option for you?”
“Elder Ailis said the magic elixir gives you characteristics of the species you’ve chosen. I’d be able to swim well”
“I don’t want to doubt Elder Ailis but I’m not sure there is enough magic in the world to make you feel at home in the water” and he was giggling reading the sheet.
Jisung huffed at him. “I’d have a cool tail though and water magic is really fascinating, look” He pulled a bundle of papers out of his back pocket and spread them over the bed. “Most creatures are made up of a high percentage of water so the ability to heal can mostly come from the patient themselves It’s just about learning how to manipulate it the right way. It’s so different from the way our healers work. I find it fascinating”
“What if you meet a siren?”
“We’d compare singing voices?”
Felix snorted. “Or they’d kill you the second you tried to open your mouth”
He slapped at his best friend in mock annoyance. “Moving on. I am seriously considering the brownies”
“I thought all brownies did was chaos and trickery?”
“They have magic too. They sing to the earth. Create shifts to purify spaces. They have an affinity with animals too. Maybe if I spent a year with the brownies then Hyunjin would trust me the way he trusts you and your mum”
He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but Felix’s connection with the ferret that lived close by their village had always made him a little jealous. He liked animals. Most were far too big for him to get close to, but the ferret was manageable. The bonus being that he had never tried to eat anyone either.
“Don’t take it personally, dude. He doesn’t seem like he trusts easily. He will tolerate those that need his services, but only because they are paying him with snacks. I’ve even seen him hiss at Elder Lennox”
“Sometimes I feel like hissing at Elder Lennox too” Jisung mused which caused his friend to laugh.
Felix made a mark next to brownie. “Okay, that looks like the forerunner at the moment. No interest at all in wood sprites?”
Jisung let out a derisive sound “Just snobby fairies”
“Goblins?”
He wrinkled up his nose. “Brownies without the magic. Also, smelly”
“Elves?” Felix raised an eyebrow as he said it like he knew this one might throw a spanner in the works.
Jisung sighed. “Too pretty. I’d fall in love with all of them and never want to come home” He was looking dreamily out the window like he could see them all now, luring him in with their gorgeous faces, lithe bodies, and flowing hair.
“Water sprites?”
“Merfolk without the cool tails”
Felix grinned over at his best friend. There really wasn’t anything for it. He’d rejected everything except the brownies. Months of Jisung agonising over his application had simply been solved in one afternoon.
He pushed the application into his hands. “It’s the brownies. Earth magic and animals! Sungie you’re gonna have so much fun. Imagine all those animals you’ll get to pat”
Jisung dropped the paper, grabbed Felix’s hands and they jumped around, spinning in circles together laughing and chanting “Brownies, brownies, brownies”
-|-
Felix helped his mother prepare the dinner. Washing and cutting vegetables, grating some cheese to put on top when everything was all cooked. They worked together cohesively like always, moving in and out of each other’s spaces without bumping into one another.
He set the table whilst she organised their bowls. Filling a jug with cold water from the ice box and putting two ceramic cups next to it. He diced up some lemongrass to sprinkle into the top of the jug. He put it next to the vase in the centre of the table that contained a sprig of blossoms that were giving off a sweet scent not unlike honey.
“Was this amongst the flowers he dropped off this morning?” he asked, touching the soft petals with his hand and marvelling at how the pale lilac colour of the outside faded into a white in the centre.
She set the bowls down on the table, gesturing for him to take a seat. “Mhmm. I haven’t seen it for years. It’s so nice to brighten up the space, don’t you think?”
He nodded in reply and dug into the food. They ate mostly in silence, his mother occasionally mentioning a new order she’d received or a new glaze she wanted to try out. She would need to get more clay and go on a little trip further upriver to dig for it along the banks. She asked him if he’d be available to help or if he was due to leave before then, but Felix was staring into space with too many thoughts in his head. When he dropped a piece of meat on the table she clicked her fingers in front of his eyes.
“My little love, you’re far away” she cradled his face in her hands and gave him that smile that reminded everyone in the village of the warmth of summer and happiness. “When do you leave for your Awakening?”
He returned her smile. “Two weeks. I can help with the clay. Sorry, just lots of things to think about”
She removed her hands and went back to eating, looking at him fondly. She wanted to coo over him and wrap him up in a bundle and rock him to sleep just like she’d done when he was a tiny, little baby but he wasn’t a baby anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time. Elspeth let a little breathy sigh escape through her nose. He’d only be gone for a year but she found herself missing him already.
“I’m still here” he laughed, as if reading her mind. He stood up and cleared their dishes before starting on the washing up. She grabbed a tea towel and dried the dishes whilst they made little jokes and jabs at each other. Once everything was dry and put away they went over to the couch for their usual after dinner chat.
They had been doing it for as long as he could remember. Talking about the thorns and the roses of the day. Thorns being the challenges or not so pleasant parts of the day, the roses being the shining stars that made them smile or their heart flutter with happiness. He vaguely wondered if the other fairies in the village did this. He couldn’t imagine Elder Ailis even entertaining the idea of thorns in her day. She’d just sing-song them away no doubt.
His head was resting on a cushion in her lap and thinking about thorns had caused a deep frown to land upon his face.
“Aww, my sweet little Lixie” She was running her fingers through his hair as she sat cross legged on the couch. His frown relaxed as she started forming little braids by his ears to keep it out of his face. “What’s on your mind? Getting excited for your Awakening? I can’t wait to see what you picked”
As was tradition, your Awakening choice was not revealed to your family until the day you were due to leave. An old superstition about safety and not letting the dark fairies make plans. Dark fairies hadn’t been seen for over 200 years but still the superstition persisted. Felix wondered how seriously everyone else in the village took that part. Always looking sideways at their family members like they were a dark fairy trying to integrate into their lives sounded exhausting.
He just hummed and closed his eyes. “Can we not talk about that right now, Mum. Please. Tell me a story”
“About what?”
“Tell me a story from your childhood. Or my grandparents. Or your Awakening. You never talk about the time you spent with the dwarves. What were they like? What did you learn?” It was curious that she spent a year with them but had never done anything remotely related to dwarven mysticism or gemstones. Her skills as a potter were remarked upon by everyone in the village and her studio always had a steady stream of customers, but there was nothing magical about the pieces she created. They were just functional. Beautiful at times, but very much functional. She’d even starting make roof tiles in the last few years as house designs started to change and the fairies drifted away from woven river reeds to keep out the weather.
Her hands stopped in his hair. “It was all so long ago my little love, I can barely remember”
“But it was your Awakening” He knew his tone was getting disrespectful and very pushy but he pressed on. The need to know more was growing inside of him like a burning fire. Maybe if he kept going she’d have no choice but to tell him everything he wanted to know just to shut him up. “Everyone is supposed to remember their Awakening. It’s right there in the name. Awakens you to your new possibilities. How can you not remember? What won’t you tell me?!”
She yanked on his hair a little too hard and he frowned, his eyes flying open. The atmosphere in the room had changed. The flames of the candles flickered in their holders. Like the oxygen was slowly being sucked out of the room. He took a deep breath, and it didn’t feel right. The fingers in his hair felt decidedly colder than they had moments earlier.
“Lixie please. Don’t” her voice was shaky but insistent. “There’s just too much…don’t make me remember”
He removed her hands from his hair and sat up. He’d not expected that. Her eyes were brimming with tears and her wings shuddered with every breath. The candles had returned to normal but her hands still felt cold. His mother had always been sunshine and warmth. He wasn’t used to seeing her like this. It was like her happiness was draining right out of her. It was so heartbreaking.
“Mum?” he rubbed her hands to try and warm them and searched her face hoping to find a solution. She was staring blankly ahead, haunted by some memory of the past. He wiped the tears off her face with his sleeve. “Can you hear me?”
A low sound issued forth from her throat along with her next breath. He couldn’t tell if it was a cry or confirmation that she’d heard him. He rubbed circles on her back, partially to comfort her and partially to check she was still breathing normally. Her chest rose and fell in a normal pattern but she was shaking and it wasn’t from the cold anymore. Her wings had gone almost completely translucent, none of the shimmering golden edges and delicate veining that strung from side to side normally and he was afraid that if he touched them they would crumble to dust in his fingers. Like everything that normally gave her life had been snatched away.
“Do you need me to get a healer?” he asked softly.
That seemed to snap her out of it. She pushed him away hurriedly with a very loud “No” and scrambled off the couch, disappearing into her bedroom.
He sat there rooted to the spot, stunned by what had just transpired. He wanted to follow her to the bedroom, knock on the door, and make sure she was alright but that no had been so harsh and final sounding that he felt scared to approach her. He could hear sounds coming from down the hall. Loud bangs as drawers were opened and shut repeatedly. The sound of things being thrown across the room (clothes?). Loud thumps of boxes being dropped on the floor. It sounded like a frantic search was underway. A time sensitive search by the sounds of it as he heard her grunt in frustration.
Now she was crying out in a language he didn’t understand. Over and over again. It sounded like she was begging or pleading for something or someone.
Then it stopped suddenly. The silence was cold and Felix felt it settle down over him like a morning wintery frost.
He moved swiftly down the corridor and battered frantically on the door. “Mum?! Open up”
The door opened in a flash, but she wedged herself in between the door and the frame so he couldn’t enter. She looked like she’d gone to hell and back but she was smiling. The big, broad grin she always had was back upon her face and she was radiating sunshine again. Her wings were positively glowing golden now like the overhead sun. He could see a sliver of the room behind her head. Stuff was everywhere and one of the ceramic bedside lamps lay smashed on the floor. The aftermath of an emotional tornado.
“I can help, Mum. To clean up. Let me start with the lamp”
She gave a nervous laugh. “I bumped into the table and it fell right off. Can you believe that? I can make another one at the studio”
Her eyes were pleading with him not to mention the insanity he’d just experienced. She was pushing a fist into her own chest so hard to steady herself he could see the knuckles turning white from the pressure. He didn’t like seeing her like this. It was so unsettling. She was always so put together.
He pushed forward to lay his head on her shoulder and wrap his arms around her waist. “I love you, Mum”
She stroked his hair and she could feel his smile against her shoulder. “I love you too”
There was a small pocket of warmth settled in the spot on her chest she’d had her hand before and he cuddled into it. His mother was always sunshine and warmth. This was just a blip. She was fine. Everything was fine.
-|-
After helping her tidy up the room with not a word spoken about why it got into that state they’d both gone to bed. Felix staying awake into the early hours of the morning not being able to sleep until mental exhaustion eventually overtook him.
After breakfast he’d excused himself to disappear to his best friend’s place for the morning. His mum had looked completely normal like nothing had happened. It just felt so eerie. The only difference from normal was that she pressed her hand to her chest a lot. Like she was reminding herself of something, or trying to stop something from escaping. He wasn’t even sure she noticed she was doing it.
The usual “Don’t forget your glasses” had chased him down the front path but he already had them on his face and he waved at her with a big grin on his face as she poked her head out the lounge room window. He wondered if she’d be upset that he took them off around Jisung. After what he’d witnessed last night, today definitely wasn’t the day to find out.
Jisung flung the door open excitedly but immediately his face fell when he saw the look in his friend’s eyes. The dark circles under his eyes were unmistakable.
“Come in, come in” he ushered him swiftly through the front door and grabbed his hand to drag him down the hall to his bedroom. “Me and Lix are going to be studying for Awakening. No disturbances please” he called out to his mum as they whooshed past the living room. She barely looked up from her embroidery but did say a fond “Welcome” to Felix as he softly greeted her with a low rumble.
Jisung pushed the door shut behind them, locking it with the key and hanging a rose quartz on the hook above his bed. It was supposed to promote calm but he suspected it only did if you knew how to handle it properly. He did not, but it couldn’t hurt to have it hanging there anyway.
He pushed him onto the bed, shoved the giant stuffed acorn into his hands, then fell down onto the bed at his feet. He looked at his best friend expectantly.
“Dude. What happened? You look distraught”
Emotions bubbled up through Felix’s chest and as the flood gates opened he had tears streaming down his cheeks, dripping off his chin and splashing onto the material of his trousers.
Jisung gently removed his glasses and lay them down on the windowsill. For some reason that made Felix cry even harder.
“Come here. Cry it out. It’s okay” He reached for his best friend and carefully tucked his wings down so he could lay comfortably on his side.
He was trying to talk through his sobs but he shushed him. “Take as much time as you need” and he sat on his bed with Felix’s head in his lap for what seemed like a very long time, stroking his hair to try and reassure him.
“I asked her to tell me about her Awakening and she just fell apart. It was awful Sungie, truly awful. I was so scared. I’ve never seen her like that before”
He hugged the acorn tighter to his chest and gratefully took the offered handkerchief from Jisung to clean up his face.
“She just looked so lost. Like her mind wasn’t there with me. She’d been dragged into the past with some sort of memory that triggered these feelings that she couldn’t control. I suggested fetching the healer but she freaked out. She was crying, and screaming, throwing things around. I was just frozen in the living room while she rampaged in her room. Then it was like some switch got flicked and she was normal again” He gave a wry smile. “Well, not normal, because she looked like she’d gone through it, but she acted like everything was normal again. Textbook fairy style”
Jisung was humming a calming song under his breath as he stroked Felix’s hair and it really seemed to be helping settle his nerves.
“Sungie?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you ever think maybe we should have asked more questions. Tried to find out more. When little shadows flickered over our every day life, instead of looking for the light, we should have dove into the dark? Investigated the unknown and not accepted what we’ve been spoon fed?”
“Even thinking that seems wrong” he sighed deeply. “But I understand what you’re saying. That’s what our Awakening is for, I guess. We’re going out into the dark”
Felix pulled Jisung down with him so they could cuddle. They lay there in the heavy silence for a long time, minds racing, until Jisung’s mother called out that lunch was on offer.
-|-
It was almost a week later and the kids at the schoolhouse were being too adorable today. All wanting to sit in Felix’s lap because they would miss their “big bro” when he went off on his Awakening. He got way too many pleas of “Just one more story, please Mr Felix” that he couldn’t help but cave. The last book was about a princess that the youngest child had picked. Mingi climbed into his lap, looked up at Felix with those soft pink eyes of his like he hung the moon and asked if the princess in the story could be anyone. Felix had ruffled his hair like he always did and replied that anyone could be a princess if they had a brave heart and a kindness towards others. Reading the rest of the book out to the children he’d very pointedly changed the princess’s name to Mingi and the child in his lap had snuggled into his chest very happily, almost falling asleep in the last few pages.
By the time Jisung swung by to pick him up he felt cross-eyed after looking at so many books. Two…no make that three, more earnest hugs from Princess Mingi and then he was out the door.
Jisung was hovering just above the ground in his white pants and tunic. Knees bent in a little and his shoes gently tapping together as his legs dangled in the air.
“Hey Sungie” Felix grabbed for his friend to pass on some of the hug-love he’d received. Jisung gave out a little yelp as his feet touched the ground and he stumbled.
“Dude!” his eyes were wide. “I’m so excited I can’t feel my feet!”
Felix laughed at this. “Maybe you should have picked the merfolk. Cause you definitely wouldn’t be feeling your feet for a year with them”
That earned him a quick slap from Jisung and then he was dragging him off to the council building, back up in the air slightly, trusting his wings to get him where he needed to go. Felix jostled along behind him, with Jisung tightly gripping his hand with his own. Once or twice he had to remind his friend that even though he was off the ground, Felix was not, so he couldn’t drag him straight through a pond without him getting very, very wet.
He wasn’t quite sure why they were in such a rush. He still had at least fifteen minutes before his meeting with Elder Ailis about his application.
“I. Just. Need. To. Be. There” had been the breathless reply. “I’m worried I won’t be able to feel my arms next”.
The assistant had been surprised to see Jisung so early (it wasn’t traditional) but had let them into the lobby anyway, a kind look on his face as he ushered the two of them to a bench to wait. He left them with a gentle reminder that Jisung had to attend the meeting by himself. Felix had returned his smile and assured him that he’d wait right here for his friend to be finished.
The sounds of an increasingly louder argument had started to filter down the hallway from the direction of Elder Ailis’s office.
“…dead…grew up without…so stubborn invested in the past…never forgive you”
Felix and Jisung couldn’t help but lean their heads into the hallway to hear better. Felix’s heart dropped into his stomach when he realised the upset voice was that of his mother. The two of them glanced over at the assistant who currently had his head in a cabinet searching for something. They looked at each other, nodded, then crept around the corner and snuck their way closer to the door, gingerly sitting down on a bench that looked identical to the one in the lobby.
“You know how much I lost that day. How much we all did. We shouldn’t forget. We should aim to be better. Raise the next generation to not be chained by our own failures. He deserves to know!”
Jisung and Felix exchanged puzzled and worried glances.
“The decision didn’t lie with only me. I was on your side, Ellie. You know that” the exasperation in the Elder’s voice was clear.
“It never felt like that”
“I helped you to h-“ the loud knocking of the assistant on the door stopped their heated discussion immediately.
“Your two o’clock appointment is here, ma’am”
Elspeth brushed the assistant aside and stormed out. She seemed shocked to see Jisung and Felix there, sitting on a bench and trying but failing to look nonchalant like they hadn’t just been eavesdropping.
“Hello boys” the smile was instant, but not genuine, it didn’t reach her eyes. Felix noticed her hands were clenched into fists and they were shaking.
“Mum?” He stood up and Jisung mirrored him.
“Congratulations on submitting your application, Jisung. I’m sure your parents are very proud” and she patted his cheek just like she used to do when he was younger. She held him at arm’s length and looked over his outfit with approval. “Good luck with your appointment”
She turned to Felix and she saw the concern on his face and she caved just a little. She pulled him into a hug and whispered in his ear. “Just some thorns my little love but the roses will come again”
Then she was out the door and Jisung was pulling his gift for Elder Ailis out of his pocket whilst Felix sat back down on the bench and let his mind wander.
-|-
Jisung was successful with his application for the brownies, of course, but he wouldn’t leave for another two weeks after Felix.
Felix went upriver with his mother to collect more clay and they spent a weekend camping, enjoying the nature and eventually loading up Hyunjin with their takings from the riverbank. He’d spent almost the whole weekend with them too. Bringing them flowers in the evening whilst they cooked a modest dinner over the campfire, letting them snuggle into his furry side to sleep at night. Jisung was right, Hyunjin definitely had a special connection with the Lee family that no one else in Joyton did.
Felix had so many questions he’d wanted to ask but he let them all fall by the wayside to enjoy the time with his mother instead. How very fairy of you. He’d scoffed to himself. Setting aside the hard questions in favour of happiness and balance.
Their time away had been good. Everything was fine. Normal even. Whatever had happened with Elder Ailis had been stomped down and forgotten. He felt it was a mistake not to ask. How could he head off on his Awakening without having as much information as possible. But he couldn’t bring himself to send her in a spiral again.
You know how much I lost that day. How much we all did.
Which day? What did she lose? He’d spent hours contemplating this. What did she mean that everyone else lost something too? He didn’t enjoy what was steadily becoming his new normal of feeling very naïve to the world around him.
He deserves to know.
What did he deserve to know? He already knew his father was human. It was the only thing that made sense. He didn’t delude himself to think he’d be able to find him. He had no name, no description, no idea where to even start. The dwarves would probably report back to the Elders if he asked any questions about humans. Probably. Ugh. The what ifs were going to drive him crazy. He’d read every pamphlet that Elder Ailis had given him but he still felt like he was going in blind.
-|-
He did not expect her reaction to him telling her he was spending time with the dwarves to go the way it did. He thought she’d be wary, maybe even sad, but she’d just smiled the way she always did and had hugged him tightly. Told him that the mine in the mountains was beautiful and the dwarves were kind. Loud, but kind. That the sheer amount of different types of gemstones would astound him. He’d said maybe he’d run into dwarves she’d met and he’d be able to tell her how successful she’d been with her pottery. She’d only hummed at that with an unreadable expression on her face.
He watched her place a small lump of clay onto her wheel. Since he was a small child he’d always found it soothing watching her work. She kicked the wheel at the bottom expertly, dipped her hands into a water bowl, and started turning the lump into a beautifully simple ceramic cup. She made six and set them aside. Then started on a set of bowls, all for the same order. He curled up in the worn armchair in the corner of the studio happy to let the hours pass like this. She’d not flipped the shop sign to open today. It wasn’t likely that anyone would have interrupted anyway. Everyone knew he was leaving today. Well wishes had followed him as he ran into almost everyone in the village in some form as he’d made his way to her studio. Voices calling from windows, heads popping up over fences, doors opening so they could wave frantically.
When she finished the order, having lined them up on the drying shelf, she put a little folded card next to it with today’s date. It wouldn’t be ready to be fired for a month. She washed her hands and he looked up reluctantly.
“It’s time, isn’t it?” She nodded and he stood up, pulling his bag up off the floor.
“My beautiful baby boy” she was holding his face between her hands but he wriggled away from her now, embarrassed.
“I’m not a baby, mum” but all the same he pulled her into a fierce hug, trying to stop himself from crying.
“You will always be my baby, no matter what” she murmured into his hair. “I just can’t believe the day is here. You’re off for your Awakening. Where did the years go?”
He and Jisung had celebrated their 19th birthdays together last week like they’d always done. All set up in the Lee backyard. Handmade paper chains strung between the trees and a bunch of wildflowers propped up against the fence that Hyunjin had left there before anyone was awake.
“I’m so proud of you. I want to give you something”
She fished under her shirt with one hand, pulling out a necklace with a gemstone hanging from a silver fitting.
“This is very important to me. It is one of the only things I truly value in this world as much as you”
He lowered his head so she could easily slip it over and then tucked it down the front of his shirt. She placed her palm over his heart, trapping the gemstone against his skin. It felt warm.
“I need you to promise me. You will be careful. You will be kind. You will be open-minded. You will work hard. You will learn as much as you can. You will enjoy yourself” She had tears glistening in her eyes.
“I promise” his eyes also filled with tears.
“Lixie. Lee Felix Yongbok. Wear this with pride and joy and remember the promises you have made” she said rather formally. Then she let out a breath like a weight was being lifted from her. He felt a pocket of warmth developing where her hand had been.
“I have something for you too” Reaching into his pocket he removed a small pouch, handing it over to her carefully. “You have always made me feel safe and protected. I worked on this with the silversmith”
She couldn’t hide the surprise on her face as she undid the drawstring. She looked at him curiously wondering how he’d kept this quiet from her.
A delicate silver bracelet slid out into her palm. Several charms were attached to it. She ran her finger over each one carefully as he explained what they all meant. A sun for her personality. An acorn representing the tree their village sheltered under, a vase for her studio, a flower that represented their animal friend, and a rose quartz that stood for love, compassion and emotional healing. He helped her fix it around her wrist. The crystal twinkled in the light as she lifted her wrist up to see it all closer.
“This is beautiful, my little love. If you create more jewellery like this the dwarves won’t want to let you return home” she mused.
Another hug engulfed him and he let himself memorise the feeling of his mother’s arms around him. After many long moments he finally pulled away.
“Mum, your Awaken-“
“My Awakening gave me you. A joy I could only dream of” and she planted a quick kiss on his cheek before spinning him around and pushing him out the door. “Now go!”
He turned around to protest but she was already disappearing back into her studio with proud tears tracking down her cheeks, one hand rubbing over the links of her new bracelet.
Felix took a deep breath, hoisting his bag up on his shoulder, and when he looked up he was surprised to see the whole village had turned out to farewell him. Familiar faces lining the path that led to the bridge he needed to cross.
The Elders were standing in their formal robes and they bowed to him as he passed by.
Jisung with his family, excitedly cheering and waving at him holding a banner strung between them stating “You’re gonna ROCK your Awakening”.
The children from the school performing the little dance he’d taught them last week. Mingi front and centre wearing the little princess crown Jisung had weaved him out of the dandelion florets.
The woodcarvers and the glass workers, throwing streamers in his path.
The silversmith playing a little tune on his trumpet.
The village protection officers all lined up in rank and giving him a salute. He couldn’t keep the grin off his face, dipping his head in bows and clapping his hands at all the enthusiastic encouragement. This was Joyton, this is what they did. He stepped onto the stone bridge turning to wave at them all one last time before heading into the field beyond, filled with the love and encouragement of everyone he’d ever known.
-|-