Chapter Text
Credence had changed since the last time they had seen each other, he had stopped avoiding her eyes and the usual silence they had been so used to sharing comfortably had filled up with stories and anecdotes from his time at Hogwarts. He had been taking a few classes, his uncle Albus had been helping him fill up the gaps in his magical education or lack thereof. He didn’t mention Grindelwald, he didn’t seem comfortable speaking about his time in Nurmengard, but at the same time, she couldn’t get out of her head the way he had looked at the French witch that he had always kept around. At Queenie’s wedding, there had been a moment after she had left where Vinda Rosier had been the topic of conversation, everyone had exchanged looks when Credence had called her by her first name.
Nagini smiled when he tried to explain to her how the darkness inside himself was not under control but in sync with him now, making gestures with his hands in a similar way to Dumbledore, both of them, his father and his uncle, when they tried to make themselves clear. Credence had been given a wand too. He had restored his name. And he still wished to have her around. A boy made to mirror everyone around him, used to fit in, used to wear skins and shed them. She knew about that more than anyone in the world.
That might have been the reason why she couldn’t properly understand why he was making such efforts to become the son of a father who had never looked for him, the nephew of the great Albus Dumbledore. They didn’t know him like she did. They didn’t. They hadn’t been there in the cold streets, starving, rubbing against each other for warmth.
“But you haven’t told me anything, how have you been? I must be boring you with–”
“You could never bore me,” she answers instantly, interrupting him, reaching for his hand. “I’ve missed you, Nagini.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
And it was charming, the way his cheeks coloured red just the slightest bit. If only her blood wasn’t so cold, she wished he could see how affected she was by his presence too, how grateful to have him close again, how her heartbeat in her throat, her own blood would choke her. Did he still remember the nights, embraced, hiding on abandoned houses and windy rooftops? New York. Paris. And everything after that. She did. She remembered everything. The emptiness in her chest when he had crossed the circle of blue fire without turning back once to look at what he was leaving behind.
And he must have sensed it, her slight mood change, because the room darkened and the lights flickered. Suddenly, Nagini felt the raw magic surrounding her like electricity and swallowed hard, her body tensing. She blamed herself and her thoughts for forcing her sweet boy to defend himself from them. They were sitting on the bed, they had been speaking for hours, everything had been going so well and-
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, let me–,” he looked away, embarrassed, and took a deep breath, his eyes so dark they glinted like jewels, like the sea under the moonlight.
She waited patiently until he gained back control of the obscurus, seriously considering how much she would worsen the situation if she moved a bit closer, if she tried to interlink their fingers again. But light entered back in the room after a few seconds and she couldn’t help mirroring the tight smile drawn on his lips.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t. I’m just not used to it anymore. My thoughts were dark, you just reacted–”
“I promise, this never happens, I don’t know what–.”
She covered his mouth with her hand and felt his breath on her face, slipping through her fingers. Credence had stopped talking.
And she had convinced herself and Queenie and Tina and Newt and everyone that had tried to tell her otherwise, that the bond that kept them going back to each other did not cross the limits of friendship. She had convinced herself that it made no sense for her to love that poor, frail, powerful boy anymore, not when he had so many people to love him and cherish him and teach him who he was and who he could become.
But Credence was not scared anymore, he had changed, the love of others had changed him. His heart was brave and his hands were gentle, they had always been, but he had always been too focused on his past, trying to find his origins to look at her and actually see. Now that he had what he wanted, something softened his gaze and the warmth in his eyes seemed to be meant for her only. And Nagini found herself leaning closer to him, putting her forehead to his.
Credence brushed his nose with hers, his hand barely touched her cheek, uncovering his mouth. It was so awkward, both knew perfectly what happened next, and still they stayed frozen in place. Too close, unable to pull back, his breath hit her lips but he didn’t dare to kiss her.
“What are we doing exactly.”
“I’m not very sure. I’m sorry.” He laughed but it was closer to a sigh.
“Do you even know what you want to do.”
“Yes, I’m just trying to determine how awfully terrible it would be if I were reading this the wrong way.” Nagini snorted loudly, her lips brushing his cheek when she leaned closer, putting her arms around his neck. That, he knew how to do, to hold her, to hug her back. Step by step, she thought. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again and she shook her head. He didn’t have to apologise, not to her, not to anyone in the world. “I’ve just missed you so much, I was terrified you wouldn’t want to see me anymore.”
“Why wouldn’t I.”
“I left you alone. Twice. I left you in Paris. And I left you again after that. To go with my family.”
“It was what you always wanted. To find your place. I’m happy you did, I would have never kept you from that.”
He smiled against the skin of her neck and something broke inside her chest as he tightened the hug. She was happy for him because she couldn't wish him ill. That didn’t mean she didn’t grieve too, his happiness meant separation in more ways than not.
“Still. I’ve been a bad friend to you and I’m- I don’t know how to repay–”
She pulled back to look him in the eye. “Don’t become a stranger, that’s all I ask of you. Keep me in mind.”
“Believe me, I always do.” And he seemed to be surprised to have said such words out loud. He swallowed hard but he slowly brought a hand to her cheek, carefully tracing with his thumb the shape of his cheekbone. “You are always on my mind.”
And her breath got caught inside her chest, from up that close he must have been seeing the flush of her cheeks, the love inside her elliptic pupils, reflecting his image in shades of yellow. His thumb rested on her parted lips as if asking for permission and she nodded slightly. A mere brush, lips briefly meeting, the most innocent kiss she had ever received, the kiss she had wanted the most in her whole life. Her boy of ink and fear kissed her tentatively at first, she followed his pace until he emboldened, finally letting their mouths open, hot saliva, warm breath and her natural coldness making him tremble.
But she didn’t have time to say anything, the shocked look on his face, his eyes fixed on the door and the sound of footsteps rushing down the corridor, his face growing bright red even with smoke oozing hands covering it. He stood up and left his seat beside her on the bed, almost pushing her away with the quick movement.
“Let’s go downstairs.”
“Who was it. ”She stood up next to him, his contagious sense of hurry increasing her pulse. The moment between them was broken. Again, she felt relegated to the back of his mind, to the guilt that would come after having neglected her for too long, to the accepted apologies he would offer her in no time. “Who was it, Credence.”
“My father.” And when his eyes met her, he looked suddenly confused. “You are the only one that calls me that. Credence.”
Nagini didn’t know what to say. She lowered her eyes to her shoes. Tina’s shoes. She had said she didn’t wear them anymore, that she had bought them on a whim, that Nagini could have them, that they looked perfect on her. Queenie had added a hundred more compliments, she had been less discreet about wanting Nagini to have clothes she liked and felt comfortable with. And Jacob had nodded and nodded to everything they had said. Nagini had had no other choice than to try not to die of embarrassment, or of thankfulness, the one that killed her first.
“I’m sorry,” she said after a bit. “I won’t call you that anymore if–”
“No, I didn’t say that. It’s just–” He shook his head, leaning awkwardly on the door. “Nevermind. Let’s go downstairs.”
But her darling boy intertwined his fingers with hers the moment they walked on the corridor, sheepishly looking for approval. It softened the hurt like the lick after a bite.
Albus Dumbledore smoked by the window, Elphias Doge ranted angrily, his voice not higher than a whisper, a hot cup of tea in front of him. Dumbledore only had to give them one look to start laughing, the sound surprising Doge, who turned towards them.
“Where is my father?” Credence walked towards them slowly, dropping her hand.
“Outside. Hanging his embarrassment with the linen.” He took a drag, briefly looking at Nagini, still a few steps behind him, and let out the smoke through his nose. “By now he should have learnt to knock on doors.”
“We weren’t–” His tone, sharp, defensive, scared.
“It doesn’t matter, kid, it’s fine.” Dumbledore smiled, making a dismissive gesture with his hand. He seemed amused by the situation. It was strange for Nagini to see him from that close. The Albus Dumbledore in the flesh. He was powerful, she could feel the magical field around him, his magic growing up the walls like ivy, but he looked more human than she had imagined him. Maybe it was the chain around his neck that made him look real, red hair like the first wizards and piercing blue eyes that hadn’t passed onto Credence through his father, and a broken heart to match the unattainable persona that he had created around him. Maybe she was biased, maybe she knew too much about what the pendant hanging from his neck meant, maybe she was underestimating him. She didn’t know him but she already disliked him, from what she had heard, he wasn’t doing enough to stop the enemy to her standards. “Remind me to teach you a few silencing spells soon, will you?”
He refilled the kettle with a movement of his fingers and invited them to join the table. Elphias continued talking. He wanted Albus to fight Grindelwald. He was using every argument, weak and strong, to convince him. Dumbledore just stared at him, smoking in silence and nodding from time to time, his eyes drifted to the backyard out of the window sometimes. Aberforth came back in after a while and Elphias went quiet. The brothers exchanged a long look and Aberforth mouthed fuck you and went inside the kitchen as if they were alone. Credence pressed his lips together not to laugh too despite the shame. Under the table, she tried to find his fingers, an open palm already waiting for her.
“Nagini, how do you like Godric’s Hollow?” Dumbledore asked her before Doge could continue with his speech.
“Why haven’t you killed him yet?”
And even Aberforth came out of the kitchen; after the question, the silence in the room had been unnatural, the world becoming devoid of sound the moment the words had left her mouth. She felt Credence’s eyes on her, making holes on her skull. Dumbledore made as if he considered her question, tilting his head to the side.
“It’s not easy to find someone that doesn’t want to be found, young woman, especially when there is nothing tying you two together anymore.”
“You still wear the chain.”
“And my blood still runs through his veins.” He lifted his right hand and turned it, showing a reopened scar, still in purple and red. “I appreciate your concern, but let me remind you we are on the same side.” His eyes went to Elphias too, including him on his remark. “And that I’ll be there to duel Gellert the moment he decides to return to the face of the earth. Until then,” he took the last drag of his cigarette and a bright red spark burnt the stub between his fingers, “I cannot do much more than listen to everyone’s complaints and write my will.”
“Don’t say that.” Doge’s gaze was low, fixed on his cup of tea.
So that was why he wore the chain. To feel connected to Grindelwald. Now that the blood pact was broken, it was as useful as a trinket, there was sentimentalism in the gesture, but there also was ego, a way to encourage himself to act fairly; at the end of the day, his scarlet letter was also his heart on his sleeve. Nagini nodded and Dumbledore offered her an affable smile.
“I’m sorry,” she heard herself say.
“You are young, it’s normal to be that angry.” And she could read between the lines how Dumbledore was confiding in her a piece of himself with those words. “It will pass.” He sat on one of the chairs, his attention back to Doge. “Elphias, tell Theseus I will be there for the anniversary of Leta’s death. And about what we’ve been talking about before, I’m sorry, I have already done everything in my power, it’s not as if I could send a letter or go look for him in Nurmengard.”
Doge pressed his lips in a line, looking apologetic. He was not wearing the Head of Department emblem Nagini had seen him proudly show off, chest puffed out in pride. Dumbledore and he were friends, or they had been friends, she was not really sure, there was a distance between them that she could read in their hesitant interactions with the other, as if none of the two was sure where the other stood. She would ask Credence later in the night, when they were alone.
“Let’s go, miss,” he said, standing up. When she didn’t move, Elphias exchanged a look with Albus. “Unless you are staying.”
Nagini crushed Credence’s hand between her fingers and he reacted on cue.
“I was hoping she could. I haven’t spoken with my father yet but–ehrm–”
There was an awkward silence in which Dumbledore just stared at him as he lit himself another cigarette, no emotion apart from the slight amusement that arched his brows. He spoke to Nagini.
“You’ll probably have to sleep downstairs and that sofa is a nightmare, it’s been here before we moved in from Mould-on-the-Wold.”
“That’s fine with me,” she answered, anxiously looking for Credence’s gaze, but he was focused on his uncle.
Dumbledore spoke to Credence then. “Let me speak to him. He’ll say yes.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Let’s say, in this family, when we were around your age everyone kept from each other where the nights were spent.” He shrugged. “It didn’t end well. Aberforth would rather have you inside the house than sneaking out the window of my old room. Believe me.”
Dumbledore walked Elphias to the door and they spoke there a while more. Nagini gave Credence a questioning look but he just caressed her hand between his.
“I can leave if you want, I just said it because–”
“No. Please, stay. I wish I had asked you before.”
It silenced her. After a while she let go of his hand and walked around the living room, observing the moving pictures. A little girl with long hair and a bright smile, all teeth, moved towards the camera, holding between her hands a flower crown. Behind her, two women laughed.
“That’s my aunt Ariana. And my great-aunt Honoria is the one in black, the other one is my grandmother Kendra.”
“You look a lot like her.”
“So I’ve been told.”
She could feel his breathing on her neck. She turned to meet his eyes but he looked away instantly.
“Tell me who everyone is,” Nagini asked him, and she dared to touch his face to have his eyes on her again.
Credence obeyed. Picture after picture, he said the names of the family he had never met with the pride of one who finally had found his place in the world, repeating anecdotes that had been repeated to him, telling her in detail the memories of someone else. Aurelius Dumbledore was his name now, that was who he was. To her, he wasn’t much different to Credence Barebone, the same eyes, the same face, his hair was longer but it kept its shine. He was taller too, more handsome too. And his accent sometimes slipped, words said in the wrong accent or a weird stress in a word. It was normal, he spent most of his time with his father and his uncle. And Bathilda, he had said, more myth than woman, the most intelligent and kind person he had met.
Nagini reached to pick up one of the pictures, in it there were three kids next to Bathilda. Baby Ariana in her arms, asleep, Aberforth sitting still on one of his knees and Albus, next to them, a serious expression on his face and an open book hanging from his hand. She focused on the cover, in it she recognised Grindelwald’s symbol. Credence saw where her mind travelled to and smirked.
“Eerie, right? It’s from a tale. The Tale of the Three Brothers. I can read it to you tonight if you want me to, there is a copy in the house. My uncle and Grindelwald were on the quest for the Hallows when they first met.”
“What exactly happened?”
He hummed. “I haven’t been told the story with much detail. My aunt Ariana died, she was also like…like me.” He bit his lips and Nagini squeezed his hand to encourage him to continue speaking. “She was killed. A spell backfired. There was a duel. My father, my uncle and Grindelwald.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry.”
“It was a tragedy, she was so young. After that, Grindelwald left Godric’s Hollow.” His hands held smoke and he made a face, letting her see how much it troubled him. “It’s better not to ask, really. I’ve learnt more from what I’ve heard them speak than from the questions I’ve asked. She’s…” He licked his lips. “It’s as if she were still here sometimes, Ariana, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“You don’t have to. I think I understand.”
Because in a way she did. Hadn’t she given up her past for this boy? Hadn’t she chosen time after time to hold him, to make his cause hers, to follow him to the end of the world, just to give her life a purpose that didn’t make her unhappy? She couldn’t redeem her past actions and she had no family to apologise to. I’m sorry I was born this way, I’m sorry I was cursed from the start, I’m sorry I’ll never be who you wanted me to be. No. This was more important, this made her hope for something better, for a life where she didn’t leave her in chains.
Wasn’t she getting better too? Hadn’t the French man said to Newt and Tina that her destiny hadn’t been set yet? His wife was a seer too, like Grindelwald, and she had held Nagini’s hands and her eyes had been covered in white. Your love will keep you alive, she had said, love and your body won’t be a prison unless you want it to be. Nagini hadn’t had to ask any questions, she had known exactly what to do, where to go, who to find.
She hadn’t told any of them. Those kind people kept her around and offered her distractions and clothes and life lessons she would have learnt otherwise if life had only been better to her. She still flinched at the sound of metal against metal, the sound of the lock of her circus cage had a pitch she would recognise everywhere. But life was better. And she felt guilty. But if she only stopped thinking about herself and focused on Credence, life turned a brighter shade, because if he chose her to be around, she would be free of everyone’s pity and finally be seen as an equal and not something broken to take care. She was beyond fixing, and so was he. But he had others now too, others who loved him, others that he had once rejected and now admired.
Nagini would stay for as long as she was wanted. Then, she had no other choice but to continue loving. How, she wouldn’t know, but she was too scared of never returning to her human shape, never speaking again, never feeling a warm cup of tea between her hands, condemned to hiding, condemned to nature. No, she’d love. She’d love til’ the very end.
For dinner, they ate a yellowy soup that was a bit too salty for her taste. Small pieces of meat and spinach floated in it. In the kitchen, they had heard Aberforth and Albus speak and she had thought they had been arguing, but Credence had assured her it had taken him a while too to realise it was friendly conversation what was happening between them.
“Has Aurelius showed you around the neighbourhood?”
It took her a second to associate the name with Credence.
“Yes. We haven’t walked very far, though.”
“There isn’t much more to it, the city square and the church,” Credence spoke to her, meeting her eyes only to lower them on his plate a few seconds later. “I can show you tomorrow if you like.”
“The graveyard was nice too, I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“You’ve taken her to the cemetery?” Aberforth asked him. “What are you, your uncle? Take the girl for a walk in the countryside, there are poppies this time of the year, the fields are red.”
Albus made a sound, between a huff and a laugh but didn't comment on it. Credence used it as an excuse to ask about a part of the past that wasn't forbidden.
“Oh, I have a question. Who was sneaking out of the house when you were my age? Uncle Albus said something about it before.”
Aberforth gave his brother a look, raised eyebrows and a spark of humour shining inside his blue eyes, the question hanging in the air.
"It was the both of us.”
“Well, I was the only one who bothered to use the front door. I wouldn't call it sneaking out.”
Dumbledore put his spoon down on his half empty plate, for an instant he seemed to be considering having the conversation in private, the topic was more delicate than she could imagine.
“I used the window because I didn’t want to wake anyone, it wasn’t my fault you were already awake.”
Aberforth scoffed.
“You weren’t subtle about it either.”
“I thought I was being subtle, okay?” He laughed, clearly a bit uncomfortable and poured himself more water. “My head was somewhere else during that summer.”
“You don’t have to swear to it”
Nagini would have considered it a sharp comeback if she hadn’t heard them speak to each other before. It was the type of conversation Credence had described, where they spoke about a past that only belonged to them, about which no direct questions were accepted. She didn’t need his foot stepping on hers under the table to notice but she appreciated his intention to warn her.
“Don’t play the saint now, you were doing worse than I.”
“That’s questionable in this day and age.” Albus made a gesture at the words. “And I was being more discreet anyway.”
“That’s not true.”
“You didn’t know.”
“Abe, I did.”
“What? No.”
“Of course I knew.” And there was a long pause after that in which both were waiting for the other to explain. Albus did, then, slightly lowering his voice. “He told me.”
Credence and she exchanged a look.
“He what?”
Albus pressed his lips in a line, he seemed to be struggling to put it into words without revealing too much. He was aware of them having Nagini and Credence there, something that didn’t seem to worry Aberforth so much.
“You two overlapped at some point, one sneaking in, the other sneaking out, I don’t remember how it happened exactly.”
“It can’t be true.”
“He was certain you hadn’t seen him,” he continued, his eyes met Nagini’s for a second. “And I asked him to not use it against you.”
Aberforth Dumbledore was a man who had looked older than his brother for a while already, the untrimmed beard and his grumpy nature didn’t do him any favours either. For the first time Nagini had seen him, he looked way younger than he was. Albus was smiling at his expression of shock.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why would I? You were having fun. I was having fun, let me remind you I was seventeen, if you were the one sneaking out I didn’t have to leave too, I preferred to have the house for myself. Plus, I could keep an eye on Ari if she woke up.”
Aberforth considered his answer for a while.
“I doubt she would have, those potions were–”
“I know, but with her one could never know.”
There was a strange silence after that. Nagini looked at Credence's hand, closed around his spoon, his knuckles almost white, but there was no smoke.
“And Bathilda allowed it? Didn’t she keep an eye on him at night?”
“You think anyone has ever been able to keep an eye on him? She was glad he was with me, I was a good influence.”
“You know you were not.”
“According to Bathilda." They had spoken at the same time. "And I hadn’t gotten kicked out of school. " He sighed. "It was convenient and, as long as he came back in the morning, she preferred to at least know he was somewhere safe at night. With someone she knew.”
They exchanged a long look. Nagini wished to be able to read minds like Queenie, even if Albus Dumbledore was probably very difficult to read, she could have got something more out of the story. They didn't speak Grindelwald's name, they didn't need to, she wished to know what moved them not to. There were too many things everyone kept from her. Not that she needed more excuses to hate Grindelwald, but it would have been nice to have someone fill the gaps for her. She tried to find Credence’s eyes but his gaze was on the scene in front of them, drinking in every detail.
“Has she told you this?”
He nodded. “I had my suspicions. Last Friday she confirmed them over tea.”
Aberforth let out a whistle. “Poor woman.”
“On that we agree.”
They settled many blankets on the sofa and had a cup of tea next to the fire. Around midnight, Albus left to go back to Hogwarts despite Aberforth insisting on him leaving the following moring. It was too late, too dark. Fawkes, who had been inside the chimney all the evening, left with him. In no time, Aberforth left them alone with an awkward goodnight wish and climbed the stairs.
Nagini didn’t mind having to sleep downstairs, she’d make sure to convince Credence to stay with her, even if he didn’t seem to need much convincing. His eyes shone like onyx with the flames of the chimney as he read to her the story of the Deathly Hallows and the brothers that first wielded them. Cocooned under the blankets, she wasn’t listening very carefully to the story, too focused on the boy next to her, on his lips quietly speaking the words, leaning towards her to not raise his voice louder, on his gaze drifting towards her face more often than not, on the short distance between them.
At some point, after he had been silent for too long, lost in her eyes, Nagini pulled the book from his open hands and put her lips to his, tired of waiting.