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He's had the most marvelous dream.
The midday sunlight is shining through the curtains. He feels warm and rested, even though his body aches. It's a dull pain however, and a pleasant reminder of the activities the night before. He stretches like a cat: a full flex of muscles from head to toe while a satisfied sigh brushes past his lips.
He rolls over and reaches to pull his lover close, but his hand only meets with an empty pillow and cool sheets. His brow wrinkles in confusion, before his face pales at the realization of what it means.
Loki is gone.
~~~
After a long day at work trying to wrangle contractors, ensure supplies would be delivered on time and placate a nervous client, he'd finally packed up his blueprints and tools before making one last round of the property. He prided himself on his work, and though his father would probably prefer he sit in boardrooms all day, Thor liked being hands-on as much as he could. The physicality and personal interaction of it went well with his friendly disposition. The tiredness that suffused his muscles after a good day's hard work made him feel alive. His employees also liked having their boss work side-by-side with them.
He'd finished work much later than he'd expected, but he always made time for a last minute walk-around to secure the premises. First one in and last one out: it was his responsibility and he took it seriously. Satisfied with the progress of the day, and that the site was secure, he set the last lock on the chain-link fence at the main entrance and moved to the makeshift parking lot. Loose gravel crunched under the soles of his work-boots, but otherwise the area was quiet.
After he tossed his stuff onto the passenger seat, he hopped into his truck. He pushed stray strands of blond hair from his face and was about to start the engine when he noticed the indicator on his phone was blinking. He frowned, and wondered how he had missed it before. Then the thought struck him - after their current client had called him for the 14th time that day he had turned off the ringer, and gone the extra step further of asking his secretary to reroute the calls back to head office. Either the client was neurotic and clever, or he'd genuinely missed a personal call.
Thor flipped the smartphone out of its case. Two missed calls, and a voice-mail. The calls were unknown numbers - no caller ID registered. His eyebrows drew together as a slight frown darkened his face. It was highly unusual for a call to go untagged. He checked the voice-mail. Smooth tones he'd recognize anywhere made his heart leap in his chest, and prompt a heated twist in his gut.
"Hello Thor."
A soft breath. "I'm in town tonight, and I thought we might -" Was it possible to hear a smile?
"Well. Dinner." Not a question with him, no never. Voices called in the distance. That unique throaty chuckle that never failed to bring tingles to Thor's spine. "I'm coming!" The voice on the other end of the line laughed loudly in response to his companions. Another chuckle.
"See you soon." The message ended abruptly.
His phone nearly slipped from his hand. He quickly grappled for it - the slim object tumbled back and forth between his large hands before his was able to firmly grasp it in his fist and press to his chest. Thor sat dumbfounded in the dimly lit cab.
Loki.
***
It had been two years since he had last seen his adopted brother. Twelve since he had left for college just before finding out he was adopted.
Oh, that had been an ugly time.
Their father had worked long hours, and even though Thor was only halfway through his program, he had begun to take over some of the lesser workload - smaller clients and projects - at their father's growing fast growing construction company.
In preparation to attend school overseas, Loki had ventured into the attic looking for keepsakes from his childhood to bring with him: a stuffed animal or childhood family picture. Since he was going so far, their mother wanted him to take a piece of home with him.
At first Loki had argued (rather weakly, Thor thought) with their mother, saying he was no longer a child, but she had gently countered that everyone - even her independent son - got homesick after a time. With some further motherly persuasion, Loki had finally agreed. But instead of waiting for Frigga to help him search, he had climbed up into the attic by himself.
The attic had long been used as a storage space and was filled with old relics from Odin and Frigga's combined past, as well as their children's keepsakes and toys. Large traveling trunks served as the base for books, trophies, clothes, old art projects, stuffed animals, and even more boxes.
It was in this dim upper room crowded with articles and memories from their family’s shared past that Loki, who had often seen himself as second-best, and castaway – even a “black sheep” – had found out about his true parentage in the worst of ways.
Alone.
Loki had been furious. At the time, Thor couldn't understand what was happening and why. He remembered that the yelling had dimmed only for a few minutes as their mother tried without success to calm Loki. It had been in that small time he was able to decipher from under his brother’s hissed words what had happened. Despite their differing parentage, Thor still considered Loki his younger brother, and had tried to console Loki, but the other would have none of it. Thor remembered with a wince all the hurtful things Loki had said to their father, how he had cried and shouted from his room before hastily packing the remainder of his possessions and storming out of their home. Frigga had been heart-broken. Odin had been silent.
When Thor had gone to his brother's room later that evening, the space seemed as if a whirl wind had blasted through it. Books were strewn across the floor from their usual neat places on the shelves; a few clothes were piled on the closet floor and tossed in anger across the bed. Pictures had fallen from the wall and dresser, the glass in all of them fractured in a cruel parody of their current family.
In that moment, Thor had fought to hold back his resentment. True, he had blamed Loki for the strained state all their relationships from that moment on. He couldn't understand his brother's anger. No matter who Loki’s parents had been, or where he had come from, Thor still considered him family. For days after his dramatic departure, the question of why Loki left so abruptly had plagued his sleep and waking hours.
When Frigga could finally enter Loki's former room without being brought to tears, she had asked Thor to help her pack away what remained of Loki's possessions. Odin refused to help; instead he busied himself with even longer hours and often slept at work, or barricaded himself in his study while at home.
While his mother had set about cleaning up the glass, Thor had begun to collect the clothes strewn across the bed. They had worked in silence, each focused on their tasks and private hurt that was a result of Loki's absence. No longer did they hear his distinctive laugh or his voice in earnest tones as he tried to explain the most recent debate he’d had with his friends. Though Thor was usually the most celebrated son, Loki’s presence, even when quiet in his room working on project after project, was a missed comfort.
They had been cleaning up for a short time, each lost in their own thoughts when Thor had come across it. Tangled in the clothes on the bed, he had found an oddly square shaped sheet of paper crumpled in half. With the clothes instantly forgotten, he had smoothed out the paper as best he could and read its contents.
Thor had gasped, and sunk down onto the mattress. He hadn't believed his eyes. In his hands he held Loki’s adoption certificate. He had brought it closer to his face, read and reread its contents until they had finally sunk in. Listed as adopters were Odin and Frigga, but there was nothing written in the place of birth mother or father. No names. It only showed the name of the local hospital, and their childhood physician who had retired and passed away years ago.
Not clue as to who Loki's parents had been, or where they had come from.
Nothing.
***
Thor blinked and checked the time on this phone. It had been at least an hour and a half since Loki had left the message. Now it was nearly 10pm. He turned on the vehicle, and threw it into gear before peeling out of the parking lot. The rear lights of his red truck wavered back and forth when he made it onto the side road before they steadied and quickly faded into the night.
By the time he arrived at his condo, it was nearly 45 min later. He hastily parked his truck in the underground structure, and grabbed all his paperwork. The rest of the tools he left on the floor in front of the passenger seat. Before he pocketed his phone, he noticed the indicator was blinking again.
1 NEW TEXT MESSAGE.
Sent and received a half hour earlier.
"I'm waiting."
Thor broke into a run.
***
He nearly burst out of the elevator, but forced himself to take a more sedate pace as he made his way down the short hallway and around the corner. He held his breath wondering if he had made it in time, if Loki would have waited. Thor had no idea how far Loki had been when he placed that first call. He checked his watch and cursed silently.
Thor ran the last few steps and rounded the corner with a smile on his face.
"Loki?" His deep voice echoed in the empty corridor.
Standing alone, Thor felt a wave of stinging disappointment wash over him.
So rare were Loki’s visits that Thor could count on just over one hand the amount of times he had seen him in the last twelve years. It meant the world to Thor anytime he could spend time with Loki – it was like he was gaining a part of their younger years back again, before the secret, before the separation, when their relationship was simpler. When it defined them as brothers. Now Thor and Loki found themselves on a different field, with stronger affections. It tied Loki to him in a way that allowed Thor to show his former brother the depth of his love for him – but at a very high cost. One that seemed to get higher the longer they were apart. It meant that Thor had to practice the patience of the saints and wait for Loki - who always seemed to be testing and stretching the boundaries of Thor’s love - to come to him. To miss another opportunity to have Loki close, in his arms, and pretend that this was enough to keep him, hurt Thor in a way he wasn’t prepared for.
He blinked back the threat of tears and pulled himself together. Thor rearranged the load of paperwork and his briefcase, while he tried to search for which pocket he had shoved his keys into. He attempted to balance it all on one arm, but slowly the loosely-rolled blueprints slipped from the crook of his arm and fell with a spectacular mess at his feet. Thor grimaced at the clutter surrounding him before his faced darkened with anger.
He growled a few more choice curse words that would make any sailor proud, and bent over to collect the files and paperwork. Disappointment hung like a bitter weight on the back of his tongue as he knelt down. When most of the files were somewhat in order, or stuffed in the side pocket of his briefcase, he reached out to place the key in the lock. He intended to push the rest of the load inside the door, and deal with it later.
Suddenly the door swung in and open. Thor found himself on his knees in front of a pair of slim legs encased in black denim. When he craned his neck back to see the face of their owner, a pair of bright green eyes and a mischievous smile greeted him.
"Thor? Ahh, there is only one person I know who can swear like that."
The keys made a bright tinkling sound after they slipped from Thor's fingers and hit the floor.
***
Loki sighed dramatically.
"You know I like you on your knees Thor, but isn't this a little public for you?" The smile sharpened.
Thor continued to kneel with his mouth agape.
"Loki," he mumbled when his mind finally caught up with his eyes. Another frown. "But how did you...? Inside?"
Loki chuckled, and Thor felt himself blush. "You gave me a key on my last visit, remember?" To make his point he pushed his hand in one of his front pockets as Thor watched on with a slightly open mouth. How Loki managed to slip his hand in, and retrieve something from said pocket of his slim-fitted jeans was a question that pleasantly distracted Thor. Most likely it was the way the dark denim fit around his thighs.
Loki produced a set of keys linked to a key chain with some sort of decorative hammer worked in silver.
"See?" He said as the metal objects danced in front of Thor's eyes before Loki quickly slipped them back into their sheath. He then noticed the jumble of items at Thor's feet. He rolled his eyes with excess drama, and yet another sigh.
"Oh god, here let me help you." They made short work of the mess and set the rest of the loose sheets on the side table just inside the front door. Thor's briefcase and blueprints were tucked in as neatly as possible underneath it.
Thor rose to unsteady feet. He rubbed a palm over his face, still surprised to find Loki in his home. He took a moment to absorb it. Only minutes before he thought he had missed his only chance to see his former brother. The front door softly clicked shut behind him.
"It's good to see you too," Loki teased lightly before he turned and walked through the main hallway towards the kitchen. The sound of his bare feet against the hardwood floor was enough to shake Thor from his stupor. He followed Loki and was met with the pleasant smell of cooked food. His stomach rumbled in anticipation.
"You cooked?" Thor's voice rose in surprise.
"I visit you, and you expect ME to cook?"
For the second time that night Thor was rendered speechless. He scrambled for a way to cover his error.
"Forget it." Loki dismissed Thor’s effort with a wave of his hand. "I hope you like the Chinese restaurant down the street. It was the only place open so late in this area." Thor nodded absently as Loki unpackaged the food.
"You haven't been waiting very long then," Thor observed as Loki slipped the covers off the take-out, food still steaming hot. A bit of sauce spilled from one of them, and Loki licked his fingers clean. Thor followed the course of Loki’s tongue and felt his breath quicken slightly at the innocent action.
"Hmm. Maybe about 15 minutes? Plenty of time to make myself comfortable." Thor looked around and noticed that he couldn't see Loki's luggage anywhere.
"No bags?" He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. A Loki that traveled light was a Loki that didn't stay for very long.
"Soy sauce?" Loki countered, "Or are you still on that no-salt, low carb, protien-rich blah, blah, blah boring diet?" Thor shrugged, but gave Loki the space to change the subject.
"Well, not all of us can have your slim figure," Thor chuckled and tried to lighten the mood.
"No, they can't. I maintain this svelte figure with constant dining-out, breakfast on the run, and copious amounts of coffee." Loki gestured flamboyantly to himself, from head to toe. After a beat, they both burst out laughing. In the quiet space that followed as their laughter died down, Thor took the moment to compare Loki's appearance now to that of when he last saw him.
It had been years since Loki's hair was styled short and in a slicked-back imitation of seriousness as it was in the days before he left for school. Now it was much longer, hung loosely, and just brushed past his shoulders. He wore a dark green shirt rolled up to the elbows that opened slightly at the collar to reveal more of his pale skin. Thor unconsciously licked his lips, and felt himself grow warmer. Then, of course, there were those black jeans that seemed to fit his legs like a second skin.
Though he thought he looked well and seemed to be in a playful mood, Thor still wondered what prompted this last minute visit. The previous time Loki had dropped into his life, he had teased Thor with short messages and texts for about a week before his arrival. It had left him anxious in anticipation of Loki's appearance. After he had picked him up from the airport and brought him back to his condo, they hadn’t left Thor's bedroom for several hours. Thor smiled to himself as he remembered that there were still dents in the wall from the headboard’s rough treatment. Despite how much Thor missed him, he was beginning to dread the moment when Loki would inevitably leave. It left Thor in a desperate state of balance: the physical pleasure of having Loki within arm’s reach against the near panic of his unpredictable departure.
“Speaking of coffee, I see you got my gift,” Loki said as his slim fingers glided over the stainless steel surface of the gourmet coffee maker that sat near the sink on the far side of the counter-top. A gift from Loki's last passage through France, it was a state-of-the-art machine that he claimed was the home model of the commercial version that had made the perfect cup of java.
“Still getting used to it,” Thor murmured with a lopsided smile, and leaned against the counter by the food. “So many settings. Maybe you can show me…” The invitation died on his lips. Loki's mouth held a coy smile that didn’t quite warm his eyes underneath those dark lashes.
Thor knew that look. Loki was humoring him.
The situation seemed to play out the same way each time. Thor would leave Loki a space, that if he chose, he could easily slide right back into Thor’s life – the only caveat being that once there, he must stay. Thor's last effort with the gift of house keys had been his most recent failed attempt. Loki never stayed in one place for very long. Thor had evidence of this fact by way of the large shoebox in his closet full of postcards and trinkets from Loki's various travels. Though he would never admit it to his former brother, Thor cherished each item. For months and even years at a time they had served as his only connection to the other man.
"You got anything to drink in here?"
"Uh, yeah. There should still be some beer in the fridge."
"Anything harder?"
Thor shook his head, and Loki sighed. "It'll have to do then. Help me move some of this to the living room?"
***
After they arranged the food on the coffee table, Thor went to clean up and change out of his clothes. While he slipped into a pair of comfortable jeans and a red tshirt, he could hear Loki fussing about in the kitchen.
"Do you want a glass for your beer?" called Loki's smooth voice. The fridge opened and closed, followed by the heavy sound of glass bottles on the counter-top.
"Don't bother," Thor called back, "Less to clean up later."
***
By time Thor finished dressing and came back out to the living room, Loki was seated on the couch, and helping himself to what appeared to be dumplings. Thor smiled despite his best effort not to, and allowed a small part to wonder if Friday nights could always be like this: the both of them curled up together with whatever take-out either of them could snag before coming home from work… if Loki stayed-
He squashed the thought before it could grow any larger and truly take hold.
Instead he crossed around the sofa to sit beside Loki. He slid his hand past the long dark locks and wrapped it around the side of the other's neck. Loki turned to face him, and Thor took the opportunity to kiss his pale mouth. Loki tasted fainted of Asian spices, which made Thor lick his own lips.
"It's good to see you," he said quietly.
"It's good to be seen," was Loki’s cryptic reply. A moment of soft silence stretched between them. It was filled with so many possibilities, turns and choices. Loki’s eyes widened slightly as it stretched for longer than was comfortable. Thor fought for the words that he hoped would finally make Loki stay. Should he bully him into it? Make his former brother feel guilty? Or beg and plead for Loki not to leave? In the end, Thor put up a fake smile, and chose a safer course.
"So, what did you get?" Thor let his hand slip from Loki's shoulder, and turned to look at the Chinese food laid out on the coffee table. Faced with all the delicious options, his stomach audibly rumbled. Loki was quiet and still at his side and just at the edge of his peripheral vision. He seemed confused, but the expression quickly passed before he too leaned forward to point out each dish.
"I bought extra so you'll have left-overs tomorrow." Thor noticed the way Loki didn't use the word "we." He tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. It was just another sign that he would probably wake alone in the morning - if not tomorrow, then certainly the next day. Keeping his smile bright, he thanked Loki and began to serve himself. When Thor was done, the other man handed him a fork.
"So most of the food makes it to your mouth," Loki teased with one dark eyebrow raised, referencing Thor's first nearly disastrous experience with chopsticks.
"Thank you." Thor gave Loki a kiss on his cheek. Loki favoured him a small smile and dished out more food for himself. Their hunger got the best of them and they made quick work of dinner. They sat in companionable silence as they ate.
When the dishes were in the sink and what little food that remained had been stored in the fridge, they settled back on the couch with more beer.
"So," Thor opened up conversation again after a long swallow, "what stories do you have from far and wide?" Loki laughed and set down his drink. He shifted closer so that he could face Thor on the couch.
"I was in Germany," Loki said after he was settled. Thor's eyebrows rose in surprise and he waited for the story to continue. "Wonderful people, gorgeous architecture, and delicious food – I was sorry I couldn’t stay longer. You would love the beers they have there – so many varieties! Most of them from brew masters following family recipes that have been handed down for who know how long.
"I think I took thousands of photos. In some places it was like stepping back in time hundreds of years." His expression turned inward and almost wistful, as if he could see the very sights he was describing. "It will take me at least a week to organize all of them, I'm certain of it." He paused as if to gather his thoughts. His slim fingers turned over themselves anxiously. Thor noted it with mild concern, but said nothing. When Loki continued his voice was soft, as if he were sharing a secret. "I'm thinking of submitting them to a gallery here in Manhattan."
Thor's eyes widened. Though he knew photography was Loki's stock and trade – often being sent on assignment to photograph a wide variety of people and places; the reason Loki traveled so often – he’d always taken the required pictures of his appointed subject or place and kept any personal shots to himself. He never showed his entire collection with anyone – not even Thor. If Loki was now thinking of submitting shots from Germany, his longest and most recent trip – this was quite the revelation. Loki reached for his neglected drink and finished the rest in one swallow. Thor watched as Loki's Adam’s apple worked the liquid down. He shifted uncomfortably: it felt as if his jeans were suddenly too tight. The slight movement in position lent him the perfect amount of friction to his half-hard cock. He ended up facing his former brother, with one arm slung over the back of the sofa.
Loki stared at the bottle in his hand, and then glanced over to Thor. "How many of these have we had?"
Thor smiled a little wider than normal before he quietly said, "I have no idea."
Loki gave him a long blink, and before Thor knew it they were laughing hysterically.
“Seriously – you need to try those beers they have there, so much better than this stuff,” Loki said when he could breath normally again, and waved the empty bottle. All Thor could do was nod as he wiped away the tears. He watched Loki: bright eyes, flushed cheeks and slim lips. He loved the way Loki gestured when he spoke, as if he were spinning the stories from memory and his graceful fingers could bring it into reality.
“When did you arrive in Manhattan?”
“Hmm,” Loki leaned closer. “Yesterday.”
"Ah, so you weren't that far then."
"When I called?" Loki asked. Thor nodded, before he took another long pull on his beer, careful not to dislodge Loki as he leaned near his shoulder. "No, not really. I stayed with a friend for the night before I came here. Did you know the price to take a cab has gone up since I was here last? It’s ridiculous. I think I spent almost twice as much getting from-”
“I’ve missed you.”
Loki instantly fell silent.
Thor swallowed thickly, but refused to let his nerves get the best of him. He had long since set his drink down; now he reached across to touch Loki's cheek with one stroke of his finger from temple to chin. Maybe the best way to make Loki stay was to show him how much he was wanted - needed. Again he cupped his broad hand around the nape of Loki's neck, and brought him close for another kiss.
At first it was soft, a gentle press of lips that spoke of the time that they'd been apart. So careful to tread around this new part of their relationship, to renew these old flames. Before the kiss truly became heated, Loki moved to slip closer and straddle Thor's lap. Hot breath huffing gently between them, Thor rubbed his nose against Loki's own. With this new and intimate dimension of their relationship, he realized how they seemed to fit together so perfectly. Thor smiled and ran his hands up and down toned thighs, kneading through the dark fabric. Loki slowly ran his fingers through the other's golden hair, and when their lips connected again for a kiss, it was a passionate dance of tongues and teeth.
He could never get enough of Loki's kisses. They would start soft as a simple press of lips and slowly descend into suckling and biting - teasing Thor at every step. Thor's preference would have been straightforward, even hungry, but Loki slowed them down and played against Thor's tongue, making him moan in appreciation.
When they broke for air Loki's eyes were bright - that unique shade of green was nearly devoured by the dark center. The sight of him so affected made Thor's heart pound - made his body flush with heat… and against his better judgment, it made him hope.
There were always moments of uncertainty with Loki - though he was often amiable to flirting and teasing when the mood struck him, Thor sometimes wondered about his true feelings. Deep down he worried if all of this might simply be a way to pass the time - a bit of mischief - to spend a few hours rolling in the sheets with the man he used to think of as a brother, especially when Loki seemed so talented at breezing in and out of his life. Thor was fearful that one day he and Loki would lose touch with each other, when even this tenuous string - this taboo relationship - would snap or fade, and turn them into nothing more than familiar strangers.
Loki slipped slim fingers under Thor's tshirt, sweeping lazy circles against his abdomen and broke his worrisome spiral of doubts. Thor refocused on the pliant body before him; broader hands cupped Loki's ass and squeezed hard. It brought his elusive lover even closer, with more delicious friction against the ache of his growing arousal. The younger man continued to press against Thor, teasing him with flicks of his wet tongue against his lips while he dragged blunt nails down Thor's sides.
It was like slipping back into old habits. Familiar touches blazed new and bright only because of the time they had spent apart. When Thor surged forward for another kiss, Loki met him with a passion to rival his own, pushing up Thor's tshirt even more to explore the muscular planes of his upper chest. Loki spread cool hands against his warm skin, and used his thumb to rub Thor's nipples. The older man grunted, and broke the kiss. His eyes were just as dark as Loki's now; the serious set of his brow seemed to turn them from blue to indigo. Loki gave him a lazy grin, and tugged on the red fabric - a clear signal for Thor to remove the shirt. He smiled and complied easily, stretching his arms upward to let Loki slip it off. Halfway up, the younger man stopped, leaving Thor blind. He was about to protest when he gasped in surprise.
Loki's hot tongue lapped his chest, flicking the tip back and forth over the sensitive nipple. Thor groaned and his breath quickened. Each lick and nip was like a lightening bolt to his cock - he could feel it twitch behind the confines of his jeans. He was about to pull the offending garment off when Loki turned his attention to its twin. This time Loki's talented tongue made Thor wish he could put it to better use. The image of those thin lips, wet and wrapped Thor's thick cock gave him the push he needed to free himself from the gentle torture - but not before Loki pressed his teeth into the meat of his pectoral and bit him.
"LOKI!" Thor gasped in disbelief, as he tore the shirt off from above his head. The smug look on the offender's face broadened. He raised a single dark eyebrow as a silent challenge. With something near a snarl, Thor gripped the collar of Loki’s shirt and wrenched it apart. Buttons popped from their stitches, skittered across the floor and out of sight.
"Well, at least it wasn't my favourite shirt," Loki quipped. He untangled himself from the torn garment and tossed it aside. "But you still owe me a new one."
Thor gave him dark grin before he pulled Loki close by the nape of his neck, and growled in his ear: "Keep teasing me, and you'll need a whole new set of clothes." The heat of Thor's breath on his shoulder made Loki twist in the grip on his neck.
"Then perhaps we should come to the main point of this... conversation," Loki whispered, as he gently pressed his forehead against Thor's own and held his gaze. Clever fingers teased their way down the blonde’s chest until they met the barrier of Thor's jeans.
Here the delicate work began: pressed so close, Loki shifted to his knees and slipped his hands between his thighs. He found Thor's zipper without looking down and silently worked on finding the button above it. When the fastenings were finally undone, Loki pressed his hand against Thor’s erection still trapped behind a layer of thin cotton. Loki stroked him as best he could despite the awkward angle while Thor welcomed the touch, and canted his hips against Loki's palm. He held onto the cushions with a white-knuckled grip, and couldn't seem to catch his breath. Eagerly, Thor exchanged his tense hold on the couch for one that left his hands full of the length of his lover's thighs once more. Loki watched him struggle, his green eyes half hidden under a fringe of dark lashes with a lop-sided smirk.
With that one expression, all of Thor's fears suddenly resurfaced.
"Loki," Thor whispered as his breath hitched in his throat. "We... I can't do this any longer."
Loki went stiff in his arms, and pulled back. He looked away, but when he turned back, his face held a careful expression of disinterest when he looked Thor in the eye once again.
"Do what, exactly?" Loki's voice was low and cautious.
"This Loki: this!" Thor hissed. "You coming and going, in and out of my life whenever the mood strikes you.” Thor's frustration got the best of him and he helplessly watched green eyes turn hard like glass as Loki built up a wall between them. Still he forged on.
"Loki, I just need you to make a choice. Here or there -" Thor gestured widely, "but you have to pick one."
Loki forcibly untangled himself from Thor's grasp, rose and stepped aside, tension written in every line of his tall form. He thrust his hand through his hair, and in that one movement he seemed to cement the emotional distance: Loki's face became a neutral mask.
"Please, don't do that," Thor said softly and stood up to follow. He reached out to touch Loki, but the younger man stepped back just beyond the reach of Thor's hand as if the touch might burn. The blond let his arms fall limp to his side.
This was what he was afraid of: that moment when he and Loki would be at odds in this fragile world they had created. He wanted to keep Loki closer, not push him away. Though the physical distance between them was only a few feet, Thor could feel an emotional chasm that seemed to stretch for miles. The expression on Loki's face was a harsh reminder of the times just after the revelation of his adoption: purposely blank to show none of the inner turmoil he was feeling. It was an obvious tell for Thor, having grown up with the other man, and seen variations on that same mask until it was perfected in the weeks that followed Loki's departure from their family.
He decided to try a different tact. He spoke in gentle tones as if trying to soothe a wild animal. "Loki, you will always have a place with me, but I can't watch you leave again. Maybe it's selfish of me to want you to stay when clearly you don't, but I can't help it." Thor continued with a broken voice, "I want you. All of you. Loki I- What do I have to do to make you see? What do I have to do to make you stay?"
They continued to stand apart; Loki remained unmoved and though he no longer made eye contact with Thor - his face slightly tipped down and to the side making his hair a dark curtain before most of his features - he hadn't responded since Thor began speaking. Instead he balled his fists at his thighs until his knuckles went pink and then white from the strain. Loki was always the sort to be clever with words, so this silence in the midst of what was promising to be a bitter argument was unsettling.
Thor felt a flush of a different heat rise to colour his face. He was disheartened, this was certain, but Loki's unwillingness to acknowledge his pleas pushed him further toward anger - to losing his temper. He tried to hold it in check by pacing back and forth, but nothing helped so long as Loki remained so still.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” Thor bellowed and his voice filled the living room. He winced, and instantly regretted shouting at Loki. The silence that remained after the outburst was bitterly heavy with repentance and self-reproach. Thor wiped his hands over his face in shame. They very last thing he had wanted to do was fight with Loki.
Loki's startling answer was to close the distance and capture Thor's mouth in a bruising kiss.
Thor's mind went white.
It certainly was the last thing he expected. Loki cupped the stubble-coated jaw before him, and moaned into Thor's mouth as he pulled him closer. Teeth pressed against lips, and Loki’s tongue slipped into Thor’s mouth. For his part, the older man held Loki close as the heat rose once again between them.
If this was somehow second chances and forgiveness, Thor swallowed it all down. They groped their way around the furniture and towards his bedroom attempting to shed jeans and underwear at the same time without losing contact. It made for awkward progress and they nearly tripped at the threshold. So enraptured by the man with him, Thor didn't even bother to turn on the lights; the distant illumination from living room was enough.
When they parted for air, Loki's thin lips were bruised soft pink. Thor smiled and rubbed the rough pad of his thumb across the damp surface, relishing the way Loki followed the motion. Just when Loki was about to bring him in for another kiss, Thor turned them on the spot and pulled the other man down onto the bed. Loki fell with a small laugh, their limbs askew as they play-fought. Loki tried to use his slimmer frame to his advantage and slip through Thor's grasp and keep himself upright. The previous dispute seemingly forgotten, Thor chuckled deep in his chest like a rumble of thunder. The vibrations made Loki pause and in that moment of distraction, Thor hooked his ankle around Loki's calf and turned them over. He grasped a handful of smooth raven-dark hair, and pulled back until the long pale line of Loki’s throat was exposed to the scrape of his teeth.
“Wanted to do that all night,” Thor growled into the side of Loki’s neck. He reveled in silky strands and clean scent. The younger man let out a strangled moan, and curved into the embrace.
"Surely that's not all you had in mind," Loki tried to respond coolly, but barely managed to keep the wavering note out of his voice. He twisted underneath Thor, pressing against all the right places. Thigh against hip. Another shift moved to press their bellies together. A calf trapped by an ankle. Thor grunted when Loki slotted his thigh between his legs, moving just enough to press against his balls. By now Thor's cock was thick and full with anticipation. Thor reached under his pillow and produced a small tube of lubricant.
"My, aren't we prepared?" Loki drawled, leaning up to nip on Thor's chin. "Or is it a new habit of yours to always hide lube in your bed?" His long fingers stroked lazy circles and patterns across Thor's back. "Should I be concerned?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," Thor retorted before he sat back on his knees, still straddled over Loki's hips. The pale creature beneath him knew very well where Thor's affections lay, but Loki teased anyway. Thor refocused on his task. With a small pop, the cap flipped open and he poured a generous amount into his hand.
When he was satisfied, he tossed the tube behind Loki's head, and then slipped a hand between them. Loki licked his lips as he watched Thor take himself in one large hand and stroke from root to tip. The dim light from the hallway glistened in the thick, clear liquid as it squeezed between his fingers and slid down to the base of his erection. Some of the excess tangled in the darker blond hair at his crotch while most of it hung in suspense from his grip. It quivered there as Thor's hand tugged on his shaft before a large amount dropped onto Loki's lower abdomen. Thor grinned to see Loki's belly lurch a bit in response to the warm wetness.
"Ahhhhhh," Loki gasped softly. His slim fingers played against Thor's hips, tracing the muscles that shifted under his sun-kissed skin. Loki's eagerness left Thor with a few thin red welts; Loki was so much more tactile in these intimate moments. Again, Thor's heart ached to know how many other ways he could coax his side out of Loki beyond during the times they met under the sheets.
"Here," Loki whispered, pulling him back to the present, "let me." Thor paused before he released his loose hold. With his opposite hand, Loki wiped some of the lube from Thor's palm, and tightly wrapped his fingers around Thor's cock.
No matter how many times he tried to recreate it, nothing seemed to match the feel of Loki's smooth palm as he slowly pumped his hand up and down. Thor let his head fall back for a moment, his balance barely maintained as his focus narrowed to the slick tightness that surrounded him. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, a rhythm that throbbed in his limbs and almost left him dizzy.
Thor opened his eyes in time to watch Loki's lips curl into a familiar sly smile. Then he saw the dollop of lube on Loki's belly and was struck by an idea. Thor wiped it away with his fingers, then gently and slowly he removed himself from Loki's hold.
"What are you doing?"
"Be patient," Thor admonished. He moved from straddling Loki's hips to kneeling between his legs, and braced one knee over his hip. With his moistened hand he slipped a finger between Loki's cheeks.
"Mmm," Loki murmured as he grasped Thor's meaning and shifted further to make himself comfortable. Thor continued to prepare him with his thick fingers, opening him wider one digit at a time while Loki resumed his strokes at a more leisurely pace.
Soon Thor was working three fingers with one hand; with the other he twisted his grip back and forth, up and down along Loki's erection. The double stimulation left Loki gasping for breath with his hands fisted in the sheets.
"Thor, please. I need, I need-" Loki twisted his hips to push back against Thor's fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut as his head rolled against the mattress and left his hair spread in a dark halo. Thor didn't dare deny him from what they both wanted: he stilled Loki and guided himself to press into him. Loki watched with eyes barely open, and his breath hitched in his throat when Thor filled him to the fullest. At first Thor set a slow deep pace and pulled Loki against him by his hips. He let his hands explore Loki's pale skin on the flat plains on his stomach, firm chest and finally with his lips along the curve of his neck which was usually hidden by his hair.
“Stay,” Thor cooed against the shell of his ear. “Stay, Loki. Stay, please.” Each breathless word was punctuated by another thrust of Thor’s cock.
Loki let his thighs open wider to accommodate the blonde’s hips. Thor automatically slid in closer as if he belonged in that tight heat. With a new angle that allowed him to plunge deeper, Thor's pace increased. He could feel that familiar molten heat pool in his belly. Loki shifted restlessly beneath him, his pale skin now flushed with colour, moist with sweat. His blunt nails sank into the muscled flesh of Thor's lower back, pulling him forward with desperate encouragement.
"Stay with me."
The only answer Loki gave was the arch his of back and the strained cry of Thor's name when he came.
***
He had the most marvelous dream.
The smell of coffee wafted into his bedroom, and midday sunlight shone through the curtains. He felt warm and rested, even though his body ached. It was a dull pain however - a pleasant reminder of the activities from the night before. He stretched with a full flex of muscles from head to toe as a satisfied sigh brushed past his lips.
He rolled over and reached to pull his lover close, but his hand met with only an empty pillow and cooling sheets. His brow wrinkled in confusion, before his face paled at the realization of what it meant.
Loki was gone.
Thor bolted out of bed and charged naked into the living room with blond hair tangled about his head in a parody of a halo. He impatiently pushed it from his face, and ran his fingers through it to pull the strands into some semblance of order. He blinked the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes, and looked around frantically.
“LOKI?”
“Will I be treated to this sort of view every morning?” Loki drawled as he leaned against the island counter in the kitchen to face Thor. “Oh, don’t cover up,” he smiled coyly with green eyes half-lidded, “I do so admire the view.” He licked his lips and gave Thor a lecherous once-over from head to toe. Despite the blush that he was certain began to cover his whole body, Thor continued to stand his ground.
“You’re still here,” Thor silently congratulated himself for keeping the accusatory tone from his voice. He crossed the distance from the living room to the kitchen in a few long strides. He noticed Loki was wearing one of his old t-shirts – completely too large for his slimmer frame, it gaped at the neck and hung from his shoulders. The one bonus was that it came up short under Loki’s butt, and gave Thor a tease of firm pale flesh as Loki busied himself about the kitchen.
"You cooked.” Thor smiled and wrapped his arms around Loki while he leaned over his shoulder. Scrambled eggs seemed to sizzle cheerfully in the frying pan. Or perhaps that was just the result of his bright mood.
“Why did you stay?” Thor brushed aside long dark hair, and caressed gentle fingers across the back of Loki’s neck while he whispered in his ear.
In the silence that followed, the coffee maker chimed happily as another cup of the steaming liquid was completed.
“It’s about time I stopped running from the one thing I wanted.”
/FIN