Chapter Text
Genya was sparring with Tanjiro when the news came in.
"The Wind Hashira is missing! CAW!"
It took a moment for the words to register, but when they did gasps swept through the training grounds around him. Some of fear, some of shock, all of disbelief. Behind him, Tanjiro came up and placed his hand on Genya's shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. It was firmer than it needed to be, but Genya hardly paid attention. His eyes were on the crowd, scanning the fearful faces therein. He watched as wary, frightened glances were shared across the courtyard. Genya could almost hear the thoughts spiraling through everyone's minds: a Hashira - the Wind Hashira - missing? What could possibly be strong enough to snatch one of the strongest Demon Slayers in the Corps? Was it still out there? And if it was, what hope did any of them have to defeat it?
It was enough to send shivers down your spine.
"The Wind Hashira is missing! CAW!"
He glanced up as the bird's shadow crossed over him. It was Shinazugawa's crow circling the air, Genya realized. He shaded his eyes against he sun and watched the creature fly over the Corps compound. It flapped unsteadily. One of its wings looked injured, some feathers missing and at an angle that likely made flying very painful, but she did her duty diligently, as all Kasugai crows did, and cried the news across the estate. The Wind Hashira was missing, and any possible reinforcements should prepare for what inevitably would come next.
They would organize to go save him, obviously. Shinazugawa was too strong a fighter to simply let go without a fight, and it'd be stupid of the Corps to let such an asset go, Genya thought. At the least, they'd send someone to assess the situation and determine if saving him was even possible or worth the resources. If so, then a team woud be sent out soon; if not, then others would be found to promote in his place. Either they would save him or they wouldn't, and life would spin on regardless.
Genya's life would spin on.
He watched the crow fly off to spread the news and tried to muster up something, but he remained unmoved as he had for quite some time now.
It was a peculiar feeling, knowing that his life would continue whether or not Shinazugawa was in it. He was still getting used to it, but he liked to think it was settling in. So there was very little in his heart to be stirred.
He knew he should've felt the same as his fellow slayers, likely with a touch more panic. His brother was missing in action, and no one had a clue where he could have gone or if he was even still alive. Last Genya'd heard from the grapevine, Shinazugawa had gone on a mission with the Mist Hashira to investigate a series of disappearnces and peculiar incidents and rumors across some close knit villages deep in the countryside.
Demons far from people, where news did not travel fast, tended to grow stronger more rapidly than those in major cities, where ears were always searching for gossip and slayers patrolled the streets more frequently. Those out in rural lands, though? They could feast indiscriminately, and the Corps wouldn't know until it was too late. The moment they caught wind of what was going on, they sent a handful of slayers, and when those didn't return they sent the two Hashira available to take care of it except that hadn't been enough either.
Oyakata-sama had always meant to spread patrols out further, but they were already stretched thin as it was. And with the sudden disappearance of the Wind Hashira and the Mist Hashira laid up in the Butterfly Estate, still injured from the mission, Genya knew it would only get worse until they could find or replace Shinazugawa.
That thought alone should have sent a spike of panic through Genya's heart. How would they be able to replace a Hashira, just like that? How could they ever think of replacing Shinazugawa? It just felt so wrong, he would've thought at once point. Now, it didn't even cross his mind, and he was left wondering just what the process was like to replace a Hashira before he realized that he actually didn't care.
He didn't care about anything.
Genya knew that wasn't right. He knew there should have been something in his heart other than this muted shock. Rage maybe, desperation probably, grief definitely. He should've been horrified that his brother was missing. He should've been storming Oyakata-sama's estate, demanding to search for his brother. He'd search for him alone if he had to. He should've been preparing that second, with or without approval, and ready to sneak out at nightfall. Genya should've done a lot of things.
Instead, Sanemi Shinazugawa was missing, and Genya hardly felt a thing.
.. .. .. .. ..
Genya didn't know when the change from Nemi to Sanemi to Shinazugawa happened, only that it did. It happened so gradually and subtly, that he hardly noticed it one day until he saw the man walking across a courtyard, deep in conversation with the Love Hashira, and the only fleeting thought to cross Genya's mind was, Oh, it's Shinazugawa. Then Genya had moved on.
It wasn't until later, as he was preparing dinner with Tanjiro for everyone, that he realized what he'd done. He vaguely remember telling Tanjiro that he needed to leave, apologizing for leaving all the work on him even though there had been very little left to do. His friend had tried to mput some food in his hand to take with him, and Genya had passed it on to Inosuke as he left, mind in a whirlwind.
Genya knew he was... dependent, for lack of a better term, on Shinzugawa's approval. Or, rather, he had been. Now that desperation for even a second his brother's acknowledgement was gone, and he wasn't sure when it left. All he knew that when he'd been rummaging through space in his chest where that desire had been as he walked back to the Stone Estate in a daze, all he could find were cobwebs and stagnant air.
For so long, that want that felt like a need, like water on a parched throat or sunlight after so long in darkness, had been his sole driving force in life. It'd blinded him to everything around him, and with the blinders now removed the world seemed so much brighter. His mind felt clearer, clear enough to see and wonder just what he was doing. Genya had spent so long chasing after Shinazugawa's back, grasping for what he now knew was an unattainable goal that his entire life had passed without him noticing. One second, he'd been a child abandoned by his older brother, the last of his family, and then he was a teenager standing before his brother in the Butterfly Estate with no memory of what'd happened in between. He had finally reached the unreachable, only to have Shinazugawa spurn him. He had denounced Genya as his brother before god and the Butterfly Estate.
Each word had been a barb straight through Genya's heart, confirming what he already knew. He was weak, he was pathetic, he wasn't worth the air he breathed or his brother's forgiveness. It would be better for everyone if he wasn't there being nothing more than a waste of resources. Shinazugawa had spat that at him before shoving past him as he left, leaving Genya frozen in the middle of the hallway until Aoi had hustled him into the kitchen for a cup of tea and a thousand words to say and no way of saying them.
At one point, Genya had fully believed what the man had said. Shinazugawa's words had been as immutable as the laws of the universe, not only for being what Genya mistakenly through was his Nemi but also for being a Hashira. If the man said he was useless, then he must be useless. The value of Genya's life was only in what he could do, and he could do nothing. He had a sword he rarely used, a gun no one knew what to do with, and an ability that would earn him the ire of the entire Corps if they knew, and that was being generous when Genya was well aware what'd happen if anyone found out. Not to mention his lack of Breathing Technique. It was all worthless; he was worthless, and Genya had nearly sunk into that despair and let those thoughts and his overwhelming guilt drive him to self-destruction. His anger was only a thin, chipping layer of paint over his bleeding heart, and in his desperation as everything else toppled around him he held onto it with all he had.
Then he'd met Tanjiro. Tanjiro, his sister, and his weird friends.
(They were his friends too now, weren't they? He wasn't entirely sure yet, but it felt like maybe one day they could get there.)
Genya had been so cruel to Tanjiro in the beginning, and thinking back on their second meeting at the hot springs he could only cringe. It was lucky for him that Tanjiro was as persistent as he was hardheaded, and he'd broken through that paper thin wall of anger around Genya's heard with ease. And rather than seeing those raw, bleeding parts of him and turning away in disgust, Tanjiro had taken them so gently and tended to those wounds Genya hadn't even realized were as deep as they were. They had been jagged things shredding his soul until there was almost been nothing left, and Tanjiro filled those chasms with friendship and unconditional love that Genya still had no clue what to do with. It felt like a bomb in his hands most days, and even the slightest movement would set it off.
Him and his friends, even Nezuko, were louder than the dark voices that crooned at him in the back of his mind; even now, even when they had no clue what was going on in his head, they were right there as he adjusted to his new life. They were stronger than the loneliness that would have eaten him alive, something Gyomei had tried to relieve with no luck.
Gone was the aching cold that had made his heart and his mind sluggish things only thawed under the flash inferno of a blinding rage that had been out of his control. That anger had only been a temporary bandage, though; the warmth Tanjiro offered was a balm on his soul. There was kindness, affection, acceptance, something Genya had been craving for so long and didn't know he could find elsewhere until a single moment where his whole world seemed to change.
He hadn't even noticed it until he'd found himself laughing at some stupid argument between Inosuke and Zenitsu. Inosuke had had him in a headlock as Zenitsu screeched like a bird. Genya had paused, looked around his friends-
(He had friends; Genya never thought he'd have friends)
-and wished that this was his life had been all along. And when Tanjiro looked at him, Nezuko leaning against his side and laughter in his eyes, Genya couldn't help but wish he'd had a brother like Tanjiro.
(Later than night, Genya shook with grief and guilt tearing him apart at the seams. He had betrayed his brother and everything he had done for him with a single thought. He'd tossed Nemi aside in an instant someone had shown him some basic kindness. What kind of brother was he? What kind of person was he to just abandon the sacrifices made that brought him to ehere he was today? The pain in his chest was overwhelming, and he'd bit down on his hand to stifle his sobs and let the other junior slayers sleep. They did not need to know of his shame.
Tanjiro had sought him out anyway, guided to him by the scent of his sorrow. He friend, his dearest friend, took his hand from his mouth and tried to calm him enough to sleep. Then when that wasn't enough, when all their breathing exercises failed, Tanjiro crawled into his futon and hugged Genya until the shaking stopped. He didn't even seem to care that the blood from where Genya's broke skin was getting on his clothes.
It didn't help with the guilt.
It helped a bit with the pain.)
Genya was almost sure the change to Shinazugawa had happened when the man had tried to blind him, though. It wasn't even the attempt itself that made him come to that cold realization. No, it was him sprawled on the ground after Tanjiro had tackled him out of the way, watching Shinazugawa beat the shit out of a bunch of teenagers just trying to stop him with Tanjiro at the head of the charge. Shinazugawa's face had been twisted in sheer hatred for each child he tossed aside like trash, an expression Genya was terribly familiar with, and his feet and fists flew with all the power a Hashira could put behind them. Seeing those features that had once reminded him so much of their mother darkened with rage, Genya realized something he should have known long ago.
That was not Nemi.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he already knew that. Nemi was the brother who had helped cut Genya's hair when it had grown too wild. Nemi had carried him on his beck when Genya skinned his knee and had tears in his eyes. Nemi let him crawl under the blankets with him when he had a nightmare and held him until the fear passed, and he had protected him when those nightmares became reality under the influence of alcohol, the smell of which still sent Genya into a tailspin some days. Nemi had taken every hit, every insult, every scar that had been meant for Genya, and Nemi had smiled at him through it all.
Nemi had protected him no matter what.
Nemi was not the man punching teenagers so hard they'd go unconscious and then kick them aside for good measure. All the while, Genya realized he looked nothing like the boy Nemi used to be or the man he should've grown into. He didn't look like him at all. In that moment, fresh scar across his face, Genya could only see his father.
Shinazugawa may have looked like his Nemi, but that was not his brother.
Which...
Which was fine, Genya now knew.
Shinazugawa didn't have a brother, after all. The man said so himself. He'd tell anyone who dared to ask.
Watching Shinazugawa beat down his peers, the knowledge that this was not his brother crawled into his heart and took root, growing and branching throughout his soul.
Thinking about it now didn't hurt as much as it had then. So when he'd heard that Shinazugawa was missing a few weeks ago, he felt very little of that brotherly love and panic that everyone had been expecting. In fact, it barely registered as something to worry about. It was just another piece of information to file with the rest that Genya amassed over that day.
Tanjiro hadn't picked up on that yet.
"Are you sure you're okay, Genya?" Tanjiro asked for what felt like the dozenth time that day, following on Genya's heels as he tried to find a specific room in the Butterfly Estate. He didn't bother asking any of the workers; they seemed busy, and Genya didn't want to bother them over something he could probably figure out on his own. He knew the place well enough to know where Muichiro's room likely was. As they walked, Genya ignored the eyes that followed him. He didn't think he could handle their backhanded sympathy right now without snapping; he was well aware that most of those eyes would be mocking anyway. Truthfully, Genya didn't care right now. He cared more about his friend who'd been holed up in an infirmary for nearly a month and was likely losing his mind over it.
Behind him, Tanjiro's voice continued. "I understand if you're worried-"
"I am," Genya told him for what felt like the dozenth time that day, "but not for why you think." A demon strong enough to abduct a Hashira was definitely cause for concern, but it wasn't cause for Genya's concern. That problem belonged to whoever was going to find the man, but you think after a month they would've done something already. As far as he knew, though, it was like the world had come to a standstill. Rumors spread like wildfire through the Corps, but there wasn't even the barest whisper about a replacement or a rescue. That didn't stop the general air of tension from only growing heavier with the passing days.
"-because he's your brother-"
"Shinazugawa doesn't have a brother."
"-and it must be terrifying to hear that he's missing. I mean, if it was Nezuko, I'd-"
Okay, that was enough. Genya turned and dropped his hands on Tanjiro's shoulders, easily shutting the other boy up. He was tired of hearing the same thing coming out of his friend's mouth over and over again. It'd died down as the time passed, but now that Muichiro was awake and they were going to see him the mother-henning had returned. Tanjiro had brought it up far too many times over the course of the last couple of days as they waited for sometime where he wasn't sleeping or having physical therapy to go see him, and Genya's responses were starting to feel rehearsed. He knew his friend only cared about his well-being; and Genya appreciated it, but he was also one more question away from throwing Tanjiro out the nearest window. If they weren't in the Butterfly Estate for a specific reason, standing in the middle of the hallway and taking up an unnecessary amount of space, Genya would've simply walked away and asked Tanjiro to leave him alone.
"Tanjiro, I'm fine."
He really was. He was concerned like everyone else, but that was it.
He felt the same as everyone else.
Nothing more.
Nervous and unsure, Tanjiro tangled his own hands together. "Are you sure? Because I know you've been, you know..." He waved his hand in a circle, trying to say what he meant without saying it, and Genya understood entirely. "...about him and what he thinks of you."
"I know," Genya acknowledged. He'd been 'you know' about Shinazugawa for too damn long.
He wished he could go back in time and tell that kid trying so hard to find the brother that had abandoned him that he was running towards a losing battle. He needed to let that brother who no longer existed go and become someone without the specter of Nemi hanging over his shoulder. Because Nemi was gone and would never come back. That kid needed accept that his brother and protector and find a life where he survived without one. He no longer had someone to hold onto when it all became to much; that frigthened kid he used to be only had himself to rely on, no one else, and nothing hurt more than the day he realized that. Genya remembered standing in the middle of the road as adults just walked around a sobbing child like he'd been nothing more than an annoyance.
Genya wanted to hug that kid so damn bad. Wrapping his arms around himself and reminding himself that he was alright wasn't the same.
"I know, but I'm okay."
He was. There were still some weird emotions going on in his chest, but those had very little to do with Shinazugawa and everything to do with not caring about Shinazugawa anymore. Genya had a feeling it'd take some time to adjust. He knew he'd get there though, for now-
"I swear I'm fine," he said, glad that he wasn't lying. Genya hated lying, especially to his friends.
Tanjiro still looked like he didn't fully believe him and likely wouldn't for a while when he didn't know what was going on in Genya's heart. He hadn't told him, didn't want to tell him until hje knew for sure just what exactly he'd say. So he understood why Tanjiro was so worried, and he felt comforted when he offered Genya a smile. "I believe you, Genya, but you'll come to me if you aren't alright, right?"
He'd the first person Genya would go to, him and Muichiro.
"Yeah, I promise." He gave Tanjiro's shoulders a squeeze, which seemed to dispel some of the concern in those dark red eyes, before letting him go. Together, the pair of them continued down there hall where Muichiro, another friend Genya hadn't expected but now loved as much as he loved Tanjiro, was holed up.
His friend had been the one to go on the mission with the Wind Hashira, and he'd come back alone, gravely injured and holding himself up by sheer force of will. The moment he had found himself at the Butterfly Estate, though, he immediately collapsed. No one noticed until Kanao had stumbled upon his body and run back to Ms Shinobu as fast as her legs could carry her. The Insect Hashira and the staff of the Butterfly Estate had descended upon the teenage Hashira and carried him back to the estate with a swiftness that bordered on reckless, anxiety lining their faces and Ms Shinobu taking whatever vitals she could as she barked orders to get a room ready for him.
Muichiro had been at the Butterfly Estate for nearly a month now; but he had only woken two weeks ago, and it was only now that they'd been able to go see him between his recovery and their missions. From what Genya hear, Muichiro hadn't spoken word of what had happened except to those taking the official report. Anyone who asked only got a blank stare, reminiscent of how he had been before the Swordsmith Village incident. However, Genya knew whatever silent run Muichiro was operating on wouldn't hold for him. Call it a gut instinct but Genya fully expected his friend to tell him everything.
Getting into the room was no problem. Muichiro was a few days out from being released and well enough to handle visitors, not that he'd gotten many. Ms Kanroji had seen him once or twice, but that was it. So when he and Tanjiro walked into the room, Muichiro lit up, smile pulling at the new scar across his cheek. The sunlight that seemed to stream in from every large window highlighted the dark shadows beneath his eyes, and the overwhelming scent of wisteria incense filled the room, making Tanjiro's nose wrinkle.
"Tanjiro! Genya! You're here!"
Those teal eyes sparkled with so much happiness that Genya couldn't help but feel a little guilty for not coming by sooner. He still wasn't used to someone being glad that he was there, but maybe one day it wouldn't surprise him every time Muichiro and Tanjiro gave him big smiles the moment they saw him.
"It's good to see you better!" Tanjiro perched on the edge of the bed, and Genya took the chair beside it. "Ms Shinobu said you could leave soon, right?"
"In a few days-"
Genya didn't think a few days was enough. Under his dark hair, Muichiro was paler than usual, veins dark against near translucent skin. When he smiled, it didn't fully reach his eyes, which were still a bit glassy now that that spark of energy he'd had on seeing them dimmed. He looked small, thin, like something had drained the life from him, and Genya wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold himself up if he tried to walk. Muichiro's hands were fists bunched up in his blankets, and Genya could see that they trembled slightly. Was sitting up that hard for him? Genya had half a mind to suggest he lay down but swallowed the words back.
"-but she wants me to return for a final check in case of any complications."
"There won't be," Tanjiro said firmly. Genya wished he could agree. He felt that Muichiro needed another month at least, but if Ms Shinobu said he was clear to leave then he guessed Muichiro must be healing alright. Other than some soreness, he hoped his friend wouldn't have too many problems.
Muichiro laughed. "Is that a promise?"
"Yes."
The sound of their laughter warmed Genya down to his core, briefly dispelling his doubts. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of that sound.
"I'm glad you're alright," he told Muichiro.
"Thanks, Genya." His hands tangled together in his lap as his weak smile dropped slightlty. "You're here to talk about your brother, right?"
"About Shinazugawa, yes." Genya ignored how Muichiro started at his correction and then glanced sideways at Tanjiro, who only shrugged. He knew he'd have to explain what changed in him sometime soon, but Genya wasn't ready for that now. Plus, he had a different reason to be there. "I just want to know what happened."
"Why?"
'For his own curiosity' was the honest answer. Outside of that, Genya really didn't need to know other than the fact that he and Shinazugawa happened to share blood, but truthfully there was no reason for him to know. If he were anyone else, he wouldn't even know about anything about any kind of rescue operation until Shinazugawa was back or his sword returned without him. He simply didn't have the clearance for that kind of information, and he wondered it was for the best that he didn't know. He could go on with his day, let the Hashira handle it, and not think about it anymore.
But Genya wanted to know like he wanted to know everything that went on in the Corps. Even as he was trying to distance himself from Shinazugawa - to the clear surprise and confusion of his friends - that didn't stop the curiosity from trying to figure out just what kind of monster had almost taken out two Hashira.
"I just want to know," he told him. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine."
Genya really didn't care either way about the man. Him from couple of months ago would have, but current Genya that was sitting in a room in the Butterfly Estate could admit that he'd be just as fine hearing about it later as he would be now. At some point, he'd want the details, but he was not so desperate to get them as he would've been. Muichiro needed to rest; he wouldn't ruin his recovery just because he was nosy.
Muichiro nodded anyway, still terrible confused and he began with, "It's not much of a story."
Which was the greatest understatement Genya had ever heard.
The mission had started normal enough. They arrived to the town with the most recent incident without much fuss and started investigating as soon as they arrived. They hadn't gotten very far, between Muichiro's tendency to freak people out with his extended stares and Shinazugawa's flaw of his entire personality. The people hadn't been very forthcoming either, not trusting two strangers who had waltzed in and started demanding information. That wasn't even touching on how neither of them really didn't know how to talk to people in general.
Eventually and after far too long, they'd gotten a bit of information: random strangers with seemingly no connection to each other, had just stumbled from their homes as if under another's control. As night turned to day turned into night with no sign of them, the village had been ready to write them off as a lost cause. Except, as the first rays of dawn on the second day emerged, they had come back, looking as if nothing had happened and acting completely fine. More than fine, actually, and so everyone went on thier way happy that those missing were back, but by the end of the day, something about them was wrong.
No one could explain how they were wrong, only that something was off enough to make people wary. So far, the only thing they could do was try and keep their distance from the people who looked and acted like friends and family but were definitely not. Day by day, though, it seemed like more people went missing and came back until was felt like half the village was wrong. None of them knew what to do or how to fix it, and it would've been best if they had just stayed missing, one had said in a fearful whisper.
Shinazugawa hadn't liked hearing that, and it was only Muichiro stepping in than had kept him from attacking the man. Why he felt so strongly about the man's younger brother, who had been staring at them from the stairwell with unblinking eyes, Muichiro didn't know and he hadn't asked or cared when he knew what kind of man the other Hashira was. Not that he expected Shinazugawa to be forthcoming with any kind of personal information.
After the sun set and the half-moon was rising, clouds diffusing its light, they pair of them had walked into the forest with the eyes of the villagers drilling into their backs as they departed, some fearful but hopeful but many of them with an inexplicable anger. It wasn't the first time civilians had been more than frustrated at their presence, but they had a job to do. Apparently, there was a small cave system somewhere inside, and they assumed it was likely where the demon holed up during the day. They'd intended on finding the creature and finishing the job in a single night. The demon hadn't sounded very powerful. Between two Hashira, it should've been an easy mission.
It should've.
Muichiro's hands clenched in his sheets until his knuckles turned white and the fabric threatened to tear. Genya reached forward and then drew back as Tanjiro placed his hands over their friend's, gently coaxing him to relax his grip. Muichiro then grasped onto Tanjiro's hands and squeezed as hard as he could.
Genya's hand tightened into a fist on the bed where it had been reaching out. It was good Tanjiro had gotten to Muichiro first. Genya hadn't touched someone so casually in a long time; he'd probably mess it up somehow. He'd let Tanjiro handle it while Genya continued listening. For now, he could watch his face, make sure he was okay, and figure out something comforting to say because no matter how the story ended, Genya did not blame Muichiro one bit. When he told him this, his friend tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace as he continued his story.
They had been walking through the forest, Muichiro continued, and it had been silent as a graveyard. Even the slight breeze that had followed them seemed to die the further in they went.
From somewhere deep in the forest, something had been hurled at them as fast as an arrow, and Shinazugawa barely dodged. It caught the side of his throat, though, and left a line of red across his neck as it bounced along the forest floor, coming to a stop at Muichiro's feet. It'd been a small rock; it could have fit into the palm of his hand, and Muichiro went to pick it up when everything went wrong.
Shinazugawa had been leading them when he suddenly froze in place between one step and another. Muichiro watched in mounting fear as something manipulated his arms and legs, and small noises of pain escaped his throat. His arm had trembled as it was raised by not him. His hand landed on the hilt of his sword, making it rattle in its sheath as he tried to fight against whatever was moving him. Before Muichiro could ask what was going on, before he could remove his own blade, Shinazugawa turned and attacked, sword cutting through the air with a ring as lovely as a song as it tried to decapitate him.
Muichrio had dodged and weaved and parried as best as he could, but one hit had caught him on the hip. Jumping back, hissing in pain, he watched in horror as Shinazugawa advanced on him against his will. He swung his sword powerfully but aimlessly, no pattern to pick up on whatsoever and it had taken everything just for Muichiro to keep that blade from hitting him again. An unpredictable fighter was just as dangerous as a master, and Muichiro wasn't going to get too close until he could find an opening and take Shinazugawa down if he had to. He hadn't been able to deflect every blow, though, distracted by the rare fear in Shinazugawa's face as he was moved this way and that by an unseen force. At some point, Muichiro had taken the hilt of his sword to the face, and as he stumbled back with a bloody nose, his vision blurred until he was seeing two of Shinazugawa swinging at him again.
Whatever it was that controlled the Hashira seemed happy to make sure Muichiro was dead, he realized between jumping back from a strike that would have gutted him and parrying a swing aimed for his neck. Thus, seriously injured, he did the only thing he could have done in that moment: he ran like a coward.
The thing controlling Shinazugawa had taken that opportunity to slash him across the back from shoulder to hip, and when Muichiro glanced back over his shoulder he'd had a split second to see the terror and instant regret in the man's eyes before Shinazugawa had been forcefully turned away and dragged into the darkness.
"I left Shinazugawa behind," Muichiro said once he'd finished his tale. His hands trembled in Tanjiro's. "It's been almost a month. He could be dead because of me."
"No." Genya nudged Muichiro's leg, making his friend look him in the eyes. He needed to make sure Muichiro heard this. "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing else you could've done."
"I could've stayed and fought."
"You could've died," Tanjiro added, "and then the Corps would be down two more Hashira, and we'd be down a friend. It's good that you saved your life; now we know what happened and can figure out what to do next."
Muichiro nodded slowly.
"As soon as I'm cleared, I'm going to go find him," he told them. "Will you two come with me?"
Unsurprisingly, Tanjiro agreed immediately, determination strengthening the set of his shoulder, but Genya frowned. He knew Muichiro, and his friend hated Shinazugawa. The only thing he hated more were demons, so hearing him plan to rescue the man? He knew he'd want to make up for what happened that wasn't his fault, but him willingly offering to lead a mission to find the other Hashira was unlike him. Genya fully expected Muichiro to be drawn into it against his will since he'd been the last person to see the man. Yet there he sat with some kind of zeal driving him that didn't feel right. Genya knew what Muichiro was like when relentless, and it wasn't this.
'Is he okay?'
Genya leaned forward to get a good look at Muichiro's face, and he could almost see that there was something wrong with one of his eyes right as Tanjiro drew their friend's attention into planning the rescue and the immediate aftermath. "Just in case he needs medical care! He probably will."
"Do you think he'll be badly injured?"
They all knew the answer to that. Strong as Shinazugawa may be, he was still painfully human. Now he was painfully human under the influence of a demon strong enough to snag him before he had a chance of fighting back. If the demon valued strength above all, then it likely was reluctant to let Shinazugawa out of its grasp and would hold him there by any means necessary. The man was probably fighting to free himself if he was still alive, and the demon was having none of that. Anything could've happened to the man. Like Muichiro said: it'd been a month. There was no hope that he'd walk away from this unscathed if there was anything left of him to rescue.
"It's best if we prepare for the worst but hope for the best!"
The strength of Tanjiro's optimism seemed to burn away some of Muichiro's doubts, and the two fell into planning, ignoring Genya's silence as his mind was reluctantly turned away from what he thought he saw onto what they were talking about. He wanted to interrupt, to ask Muichiro if he was okay, but he seemed to have gathered some energy now and Genya didn't want to ruin that. He wanted Muichiro to feel good in the rare moments he could, so he tucked those questions away with intention of asking later. For now, he'd listen as they spoke. With his experience as a Hashira, Muichiro had a better idea of what a rescue mission entailed, and Tanjiro added to it with a gleam in his eye. The two of them chatted excitedly, and Genya wanted to join them. He really, really did. But he wasn't entirely sure if...
No, no, that wasn't true, and Genya wasn't going to lie to him. Genya knew for sure that he wanted Shinazugawa found. No one deserved to be held hostage by a demon. If Shinazugawa was still alive, it was paramount that he be found, the demon killed, and the man brought back to the Corps for medical attention as soon as possible. It was just that Genya didn't think he was the best person to go on that mission no matter what Muichiro thought. It wasn't just because he was weak-
(Tanjiro's voice in his head firmly reminded him that he was not weak. Genya was still working on believing that.)
-but because Shinazugawa would hardly appreciate being rescued by anyone, let along three children despite one of them being his peer and especially his younger brother who wasn't his brother. He was just as likely to attack Genya for daring to be there as he was to jump into the fight in spite of his injures, and Genya didn't want to tip the scales and find out which one would happen. The inevitable argument would just hamper the mission. It might even put them all in further danger depending on just how strong the demon was and whether it matched up to how stubborn Shinazugawa was, and Genya refused to let that happen. Knowing that, knowing Shinazugawa as well as he did (or, as well as he used to), there was no justification for Genya's presence on the mission. He was about to tell his friends that, convince them to not include him in his plans, when-
"That's not an entirely terrible idea."
They all jumped at the sound of Ms Shinobu's voice; they hadn't even noticed her come in, not even Tanjiro.
She stood behind them at the foot of Muichiro's bed. Who knew how long she'd been there, listening to their every word. That ever-present, genial smile was on her face. Unlike most times she dealt with Hashira and other slayers in her estate, her smile seemed genuine enough, and Genya didn't trust it in the slightest.
"Though," she continued, "I'd bring more than three-"
"Four!" Tanjiro patted Nezuko's box at his feet.
Her smile widened. It was considerably less kind now. "Four children, even if one is a Hashira. Beside, Muichiro is still very injured. I have him cleared to leave in a few days for continued recovery at his estate not to go back to active duty."
Muichiro leaned back with suspicion at her words, and Genya couldn't help but agree. "You're not arguing, though. Are you saying that you agree with this plan?"
No, Genya knew, she didn't. No adult in their right mind would agree. Even though they often faced worse odds as slayer, especially as junior slayers, their supervisors didn't knowingly send them into fights they knew they couldn't win. Assignments were brought to them nearly every day to make up for the lack of fighters, though, and what were they supposed to do? Ignore them? That'd be a fast way to probation and maybe even removal from the Corps, so they had to obey whether or not they were prepared to. More often than not, they ran into demons stronger than them, and it was as much luck as it was their minimal skill that got a the fortunate ones back home. For those who didn't, it was another crack in the foundation of the Corps' existence as they lost more slayers than they could recruit.
Now Ms. Shinobu was actively listening to them talk about a mission that had not been approved yet to pursue a demon strong enough to take down the second strongest Hashira in the Corps? She should have been staunchly opposed to the idea and threatening to get them on house arrest for even considering something so stupid. Four children going on a mission that had nearly killed two Pillars was stupid at best and suicidal at worst, even if one of them was a Hashira. Instead, she stood there with her smile, and Genya leaned away from it as well. He knew there was something she wasn't saying. If anything, she was just indulging their stupidity for the moment before she shut them down before they even began.
"No, I'm not," she told them. "However, I've come to realize that when it comes to certain members of the Corps-" Ah, there was that vein in her head Genya'd been expecting. "-they tend to do what they think is right whether I agree or not."
Beside him, Tanjiro began to sweat.
"Then who do you suggest we bring?" Muichiro asked, trying to steer the conversation into less passive-aggressive waters. "Gyomei wouldn't hear of us joining him on this mission, especially with me being injured. And I think Mitsuri and Tomioka have their own missions coming up. Who-"
"Iguro."
"The Serpent Hashira?" Genya'd heard of him. Sometimes, he caught glimpses of him across the Corps' property; once he'd come by the Stone Estate, but Genya hadn't relaly gotten the chance to interact with him when he'd just dragged Gyomei off for a private conversation. Bandages across the lower half of his face, a striped haori, and a white snake he wore around his neck like a scarf - Genya thought he was pretty cool, even though he had never spoken to the man. He was much more reserved compared to the other Hashira to the point where very little was known about him, and he blunt to the point of unkindness but never cruelty. He had a strong love and dedication for the Corps, though. Other than that, Genya didn't know who he was.
"He's the closest thing Sanemi has to a friend," Ms Shinobu said lightly. "Not that Sanemi is really capable of making friends. If anyone would approve an unauthorized mission that'd put a handful of junior slayers in danger to find a Hashira, it'd be him. Now, you two get out so I can check on my patient."
Her smile told them that that was not a suggestion.
Wishing Muichiro well and promising to visit again later, Genya and Tanjiro left the room and the Butterfly Estate to find something when Tanjiro's stomach growled and he bashfully admitted he hadn't really eaten all morning. Outside, the weather was beautiful even with how cold it was, but Genya liked the cold even if Tanjiro was slowly huncing in on himself beside him to preserve warmth. Fluffy clouds hung low in a sky so blue you wanted to swim in it. Above them, a handful of crows circled the estate in lazy circles; Genya wondered if one of them was his own. She tended to linger even if she didn't often join him on the ground. An icy breeze heralded snowstorms earlier than usual, and it shook the remaining leaves on the trees, some drifting away with the wind. Low conversations of Corps members hastily trying to escape the winter filled the air as they were carried on the breeze. If those conversations were about anything other than the missing Hashira, Genya might have found it calming. But they weren't, so he didn't. In fact, he was quite stressed because Genya was torn.
In one direction, there was Nemi. His Nemi, the person who had only wanted to protect Genya with everything he had until that fateful day when everything changed, right before he had abandoned him. The boy who maybe didn't exist anymore. If he did, Genya wanted to protect that boy like Nemi had protected him for all those years growing up. The only way to find out if that kid still existed was to dig deep, deep into the quagmire of Shinazugawa's heart, and the thought of that already made Genya feel exhausted. He was tired of searching, of reaching out, and he wasn't sure if it was worth his energy. Genya had accepted that Nemi was gone, had let him go to grow from being Gen, but he knew that there was no unraveling the string in his heart that connected him to that boy long dead.
In the other direction, Shinazugawa. Genya fucking hated Shinazugawa. It had skipped right over dislike and had fallen into a vitriol so fierce it scared Genya sometimes when he found himself seething at just the mention of the man, and that anger had been triggered more often than not lately. The man was cruel, and Genya wanted noting to do with that; he'd had his fair share of cruel and violent men for a lifetime and a half. Genya wanted to stay as far from him and the mission as humanly possible. While he would never wish death by demon on anyone, a darker part of Genya wished that in some way Shinazugawa died and something else would be reborn in its place. Anything else would be better than the man who he'd found at the Butterfly Estate.
If that couldn't happen and Shinazuagwa lived on, Genya would be satisfied with never seeing him ever again.
Somewhere in the middle of Nemi and Shinazugawa was Sanemi, maybe. Genya didn't know who Sanemi was, and he didn't know yet if he wanted to find out. The man was a stranger to him. Growing up had seen far too many strange men turn out to be aggressive men. Genya felt justified in his wariness when he thought of pale hair and tried to imagine a scarred face not contorted in anger.
Holding Nemi and Sanemi and Shinazuagwa in his hands, Genya didn't quite know what to do with all those disparate pieces, if he was even meant to do anything with them at all.
Shinazugawa had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with Genya. The man likely hated him, too, and that realization had sent Genya into a panic attack when it first hit him. Now, Genya could think about it with hardly a pang in a chest. Because overall, he didn't care what Shinazugawa thought about him anymore. It had no bearing on what Genya would ultimately choose. He just didn't know what to do yet.
(Though he was leaning heavily towards abandoning Shinazugawa as he'd been abandoned so many years ago, but was that fair? Shouldn't he be better than that?)
What he did know is that he didn't want to go on the mission and said so to someone's very vocal disagreement.
"But you'd be so helpful!"
As expected, Tanjiro didn't approve of Genya's decision and told him so over lunch. Genya swirled his chopsticks through his barely-eaten soup, watching the oil shimmer on its surface and breathing through nausea. He kept quiet and let his friend talk himself out. Sometimes one had to know when to pick their battles; Gyomei would be so proud that Genya did not default to 'all of them.'
"You've gotten so much better at hand-to-hand combat," Tanjiro continued, "and your skill with a blade have improved so much! And your gun means you don't really even need to get up close enough to use your sword. You're amazing with your gun, too! It's like no one else even needs to be on the battlefield. Could you imagine if you had two? Or if everyone trained with one? It'd be amazing, and you could train them all since you're so good at it!"
Genya tried not to smile. He was not surprised at all Tanjiro went off on a tangent, and Genya had no intention of stopping him.
Despite how he felt about himself, Genya knew everything Tanjiro said was true. He had gotten better at hand-to-hand combat, mostly thanks to being thrown around by Inosuke whenever he had the chance; and while his skill with a blade had been okay, enough to keep him alive so far, he had gotten even better since the Swordsmith Village with Tanjiro and Muichiro having a hand in his training without Gyomei's knowledge. That was nothing to say of his skill with a gun. Genya was good, full stop. It was the one thing he could take pride in.
"Anyway," Tanjiro continued after another couple of minutes of imagining a world where every Demon Slayer had a gun, "you'd be perfect on the team! Mr Iguro, Muichiro, and I are good fighters, but we don't have the long range like you do. We'd be perfectly well-rounded if you came with us."
"Tanjiro, it's literally you, who has taken down two Upper Moons, and two Hashira, one of which has also taken down an Upper Moon by himself. I don't think I'd be much help with that kind of skill on the field. I'd just be in everyone's way."
"You helped take down an Upper Moon, too," Tanjiro pointed out.
"Barely," he reminded him.
Genya knew better. Where Tanjiro was a brilliant optimist, Genya was a painful realist, and he knew he hadn't been much help in that fight. He'd gotten a few good hits in, yeah, but that meant nothing when your opponent could regenerate in the blink of an eye. That demon might as well have never taken the damage at all. No matter how many shots Genya took, the only thing they did was make him run out of shells. He hadn't even taken down the main body of the demon itself; that had been all Tanjiro. He'd just come running in at the end when it was all over and everyone was all hugging about it.
Now, he was not being self-degrading (much) but rather practical. Tanjiro may have been right about about him getting stronger and having a weapon no one could predict, but Genya simply wasn't strong enough yet. There was so much still he needed to learn, so far he had to grow, and Genya wasn't going to delude himself into thinking he was good enough to stand on the same podium as his friend and two Hashira. He simply didn't have anything to offer the team.
Well, other than...
"What about your, um, special skill?" asked Tanjiro in a low whisper, leaning forward so Genya could hear him just enough to make out the words.
That.
In a fight it'd be incredibly useful, Genya could admit. He'd be hard to kill, and he could take hits no one else could. They'd hurt like hell, but they'd give his teammates a brief moment to recover. He could keep fighting if one of them needed to take a step back or had to be taken off the field entirely.
There was just one problem, though: Mr Iguro. If Genya chose to go on the mission, which he wasn't, and it was just Muichiro and Tanjiro, it wouldn't be an issue. They already knew about it. They'd seen it in person and accepted it with surprising ease, simply folding it into another aspect of the odd life they all lived. If they managed to convince Mr Iguro to come along, though, Genya wouldn't be able to use the one thing that could actually help his team; and frankly, Genya was not particularly interested in getting killed by a Hashira over it. He knew what Mr Iguro was like about demons. Hell, everyone knew, and Genya didn't think he'd be spared just because he was human most of the time. The moment the man caught whiff of his ability that was it.
"Between you three," he began, brushing aside the mental image of that curving blade slicing through his neck, "and the Kakushi nearby, I don't think I'd be worth having there."
Plus, there was the real issue, even more so than Mr Iguro killing Genya on the spot.
"Genya, you're strong enough to-"
"And," he quickly interrupted, "the last time I was near Shinazugawa, he tried to gouge my eyes out." Only Tanjiro's quick thinking had prevented that near disaster, and Genya was incredibly lucky his friend had shown up when he did.
He took the smallest bite of his food as he watched his friend process that; it had long since gone cold, and he pushed it to the side as his stomach threatened to send it back up.
Sometimes, Genya thought Tanjiro was more upset by the attempted maiming than Genya was. He had been upset at the time, but now it was just another thing in the incredibly long list of stuff that kept Genya from ever approaching Shinazugawa again. Whereas he just shrugged it off, though, Tanjiro always seemed like he was close to trying to talk the painful memory away, as if enough of his adoration would make the moment less horrific to him. He always seemed to have the right words to say, but there were no words this time because Genya didn't feel anything about it. Now, it was nothing more than something for him to hold up and remind people of the man's cruelty.
"It just wouldn't be smart if he decided it was more important to fight me than to escape, and I won't put you all in danger like that."
"Do you really think Mr Shinazugawa would do that?" Tanjiro asked. "I mean, he's a Hashira. He should know better than to jeopardize a mission over something so petty. Not that you're petty! I just mean-"
"I get what you mean, Tanjiro. It's fine."
The thing was that Genya did think that Shinazugawa would do something like that. If there was one thing Nemi had always been, it was stubborn as a donkey, and that seemed to be the only part of him that remained in Shinazugawa. If Genya showed up, then whatever disdain the man held for him would just come out in a roaring flame, and then who knew what'd happen. Either Shinazugawa was going to attack him on sight or he was going to make problems the entire way back to the Butterfly Estate. Or he'd just ignore him and make the trip terribly awkward for everyone with his general aura of perpetual rage. What Genya was preemptively doing was maintaining the morale of the entire group. Tanjiro should be thanking him, honestly.
"He's been a demon's hostage for a month, too" Genya added when he'd told Tanjiro all that. "We have no clue what we're going to find or what his mental state will be. Anything could have happened. And whether or not he would doesn't matter. I want to take that possibility off the table entirely, so I'm not going."
"But-!"
"Tanjiro." His friend's mouth shut with an audible clack. Then he rubbed his cheek after biting the inside of it. "I'm not going on the mission. I'm sorry, but I can't. It'd be better for everyone if I stayed behind. You should focus your energy on trying to convince Mr Iguro to go with you. He'll probably be worse than I am. At least I actually like you."
Tanjiro frowned, and Genya braced himself for the argument. He knew his friend wouldn't let it go. He was like a starving dog with a bone. Gnawing and gnawing and gnawing at an issue until something broke. Genya could relate, but he hated being on the other end of it with those big auburn eyes swimming in concern and confusion.
To his surprise, though, Tanjiro's shoulders just slumped, and the tension rising in his blood just faded away. "If you're sure. But please reconsider!"
He wouldn't but Genya promised anyway; he could spare a thought or two just to make good on that promise but nothing more. Once their lunch was done - Tanjiro had offered to finish Genya's food, and he had immediately passed it his way - and went their separate ways, Genya let the hand he was waving Tanjiro off and his smile drop. With a deep sigh, he dragged his hands over his hair before turning to head back to the Stone Estate. He was drained, and Gyomei would understand that he needed some time by himself while everyone else was busy training. He wasn't going to hide, per se. He just, just...
Genya huffed.
He enjoyed being Tanjiro's friend. He really, really did. But if there was one thing he hated about him it was his inability to just let an issue be what it was. He had to jump in, he had to try and fix it, and any other time Genya would have appreciated it. Not this time, though. There was nothing to fix. Tanjiro was just picking at a wound that was never going to fully heal no matter how much he grew around it, and Genya was sick of constantly having to remember what he'd lost and the awful thing that had taken its place.
He couldn't entire blame him, though. Part of it was his own fault, wasn't it?
Genya could admit that the change from Nemi to Shinazugawa, from craving nothing but his brother's acknowledgment to being indifferent to his existence, seemed unimaginably rapid from an outside perspective. Seemingly from one day to another, Genya had changed his mind entirely on the sole driving force of his entire life, and people had definitely noticed.
Genya wasn't ignorant of the whispers that followed him throughout the Corps estate. If he wasn't being pitied, then he was the laughing stock among the Demon Slayer ranks. Poor, idiot Genya. What else could he possibly do but give up on his dreams? The Wind Hashira would never consider him worthy of any kind of respect; wouldn't it be better for him to just turn the other way? Leave the Corps entirely if he's too weak to make it? Now that his supposed brother is gone, he should follow in his footsteps and make his superior proud.
No, he shouldn't and woulnd't. The Corps, being a Demon Slayer, was all he had now, and he'd decided that nothing was going to shift him from that path, no matter how hopeless it felt most days. However, he could understand why the sudden shift would be concerning to anyone, especially his friends. They were worried where his mind was, what his next steps would be. Truthfully, Genya didn't know what his next steps would be, not when it came to Shinazugawa. His only steps were to become stronger, to become the best Demon Slayer he could be, and maybe one day become a Hashira despite not having a Breathing Technique. He wanted to protect people as well as he could, and to do that he had to protect himself first. To do that, he had to let Nemi go.
Genya didn't think that kid was gone entirely, but he was gone enough that Genya knew nothing he could do would bring him back. That was entirely on Shinazugawa, and he was sure the man would do anything to keep that child gone. It'd be a weakness to hold onto to the child he had been even as Genya held on to his own.
Genya placed a warm hand on his chest as he walked. Beneath his palm, he could feel the consistent thump-thump of his heart. Was Gen somewhere in there? Was that doe-eyed, innocent kid still lingering in the corner of Genya's heart? Sometimes it felt like it; he was almost positive that he'd felt the kid running around sometimes, overjoyed in his freedom from all he thought he wanted. When he was with his friends, or when he was sitting with Gyomei, that kid would poke his head out and bask in their warmth, letting Genya fall into a safety and comfort he hadn't known in years. It didn't feel like weakness, though, not to him; it felt like rest. A warm bed, sunlight on your skin - what else could they be but the building blocks of strength?
Gyomei had always told him he would never get stronger if he didn't allow himself to rest. Would he be proud knowing that Genya understood now? Genya knew what it was to rest.
Did Shinazugawa?
When Genya had seen his brother again for the first time, he had seemed so strong. He was a Hashira, the pinnacle of Demon Slayers - what else could he be but the strongest? And that rose-tinted view of him had made Genya think he could do no wrong. Because if his judgement as a Hashira and older brother couldn't be trusted, then nothing could be.
Now, looking back at Shinazugawa and all he had done, Genya almost felt the stirrings of pity. There was so much anger in his heart, and Genya knew what was beneath all that anger: fear. Fear of the world around you, fear of those you loved being lost. Fear that every decision you made would be the wrong one, and everything you had precariously built would go tumbling and take you down with it. Oh, Shinazugawa may had hidden it better than he had, but Genya wasn't fooled. He was no stranger to anger. He'd held onto it with bloody fingers and the shredded remains of hope, because it was all he could do after Shinazugawa had tossed him aside. Who was he without his anger?
A desperate and scared kid, that's who. A desperate and scared kid who only wanted his brother and would have done anything to get him back, and Genya was sure there would always be a part of him that'd be that kid. As long as he lived, he didn't think it'd go away, but it was no longer the whole of him. As the weeks had gone by from the moment his world crumbled around his ears to the hateful words of who his brother had become, that kid's pain had become quieter and quieter the longer he spent gathered up in Genya's arms, and he had become painfully aware of how much of his life he had dedicated to Shinazugawa when the man didn't deserve it.
How much of his life would he have missed out on if he had continued like that? Would he even have the friends he had now? Tanjiro had barged in and shaken up Genya's life enough for him to see anything other than his brother's back. If Genya had rejected him, like Shinazugawa had rejected him, would Genya have a life he actually enjoyed now, surrounded by people who loved and cared for him?
Probably not, and Genya was so glad he didn't have to know that version of himself. He was likely still very angry and so very lonely.
Some part of him was still so, so angry, only it didn't control him anymore and never would again. Genya wouldn't go back to that life of nothing but anger and fear, not when he'd had a taste of having people in his life who were not ashamed of showing how much they loved him.
Also, people who wouldn't try to maim him while he was baring his soul.
Yeah, that was nice.
He never thought he'd have a life outside of his brother, and now he did. A life he liked, if not loved, with all his heart. A life he refused to lose. So Genya would hold on tightly to it as he'd once held onto his anger, and he would let go of the life he'd thought he wanted. Maybe one day, when he was stronger, he'd go back and take a glimpse at that life, see if it was somewhat attainable, if something could be salvaged between him and Shinazugawa not as brothers but at least civil strangers. For now, though, Genya was going to keep tending to that abandoned boy he used to be and make them both stronger. He wasn't beholden to what had broken them; Genya and Gen could find a new joy together.
Though it'd been hard getting to where he was now, Genya was proud of himself for that change, even if no one else saw it.
(He kind of wished someone else would see it. He wished someone wouod tell him they were proud.)
He wanted to keep going and changing and growing into someone that was happy with himself. That meant not going on the mission and being the target of Shinazugawa's ire again. He shouldn't have to deal with that. He refused to be someone else's emotional - and physical - punching bag. If Mr Iguro joined Tanjiro and Muichiro on that mission, he could fulfill that role. If he was as close to Shinazugawa as Ms. Shinobu said, then the other Hashira could handle those fits of rage because Genya simply wouldn't. He'd probably respond to it a lot better than Genya ever would, too.
As if thinking of him summoned the man from the ether, Mr Iguro was suddenly passing in front of him on the way to the Stone Estate. He was likely heading to his own estate - it was in this direction, Genya was almost sure - after a long day of doing whatever it was Hashira did when they weren't on missions. Waiting for the next one, probably, or maybe training. Since he wasn't fuming, Genya guessed Tanjiro hadn't had the chance to talk to him yet. The man had an odd distaste of Tanjiro that Genya couldn't fully understand, and if Tanjiro asked the Hashira to join the rescue team then he'd get rejected immediately. Maybe if his friends were smart, they'd get Muichiro to ask him. He might say yes then, but his friends weren't that smart when they had a goal to reach, and Genya knew that at some point soon news of that inevitable altercation between Tanjiro and Mr Iguro would reach his ears.
As he thought, he didn't realize that the Hashira had stopped to watch him until he nearly bumped into him.
"Oh! Sorry, Mr Iguro!" He gave him quick bow.
The Serpent Hashira inclined his head in acknowledgment. "Shinazugawa."
"Genya," he corrected automatically, and then mentally slapped himself for. Why the hell was he correcting a Hashira? He didn't know, but he couldn't stop himself from adding, "It's just Genya."
The Hashira's eyes narrowed briefly, and Genya was worried he had made some egregious mistake. Then the man blinked and nodded. "Genya. What're you doing here?"
"Um, I'm heading to the Stone Estate." He gestured down the path leading to Gyomei's - and for a long time now, Genya's - home.
"I didn't know the Corps allowed the junior slayers so much time for leisure," Mr Iguro drawled, something in his voice that could climb towards scathing. He raised a hand and pointed an finger in Genya's direction. "Shouldn't you be training with the rest of them? It seems detrimental to let you walk around unsupervised when you could be developing your skills to better serve the Corps."
"I just finished training for now."
"Then train more."
"I will, but I needed to go see Gy- Himejima first." He needed a moment away from everything. He needed a space where it didn't feel like all eyes were on him every direction he went. Genya was getting more and more tense with each passing moment, and Mr Iguro's blunt nature wasn't helping. Gyomei understood gaining peace from solitude, and he'd accommodate Genya as much as he always had. He just had to get to the estate first.
"What do you need the Stone Hashira for?"
"Uh..."
Now how could he possibly explain that?
Fortunately, Mr Iguro continued speaking before Genya could get his thoughts in order. "You're not using your time wisely, and that's a waste of skill and resources that could be better allocated to junior slayers who actually take their training seriously. If you're set on being a waste, then by all means don't let me stop you. Go to the Stone Estate then; maybe Gyomei can mold you into a semi-competent Demon Slayer."
Genya resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He'd known the man could be honest to unkindness, but it was different being on the receiving end. Not that it really had much effect. He'd heard far worse and didn't take the words to heart. Genya had a fair reason to retreat to the Stone Estate, and it wasn't like he would be shirking his training. Gyomei would see to it that he continued once he'd taken his moment to rest and clear his mind, and his guardian had never been known to go easy on anyone, Genya more so for his connection to him. Genya liked to think under his tutelage he had become a good Demon Slayer even as he felt like he was hitting a wall, and Genya had to remind himself that Mr Iguro didn't know him. He didn't know the hours of work Genya had put in to get where he was. He was only meeting him now, and it was unfair that he thought so lowly of Genya from a single conversation where he'd hardly been able to get a word in.
So what if what he said had some truth to it? That didn't mean Genya just had to stand there and take it. He was beyond that now.
With that in mind, Genya gave the man a curt bow. "Then I'll stop wasting your time, sir."
His heart pounded in his ears as he turned to leave. Maybe he needed a little more than a couple minutes to calm himself, more like a couple of hours. Gyomei would give it to him, too, but Mr Iguro was right. Genya couldn't be wasting his time just lounging about; he had to continue training, continue getting stronger. It was the only way he would really amount to anything, but he needed to center himself, first. He could feel a familiar anger starting to rise, and it'd only fuck up the rest of his day if he let it consume him. Just because it had diminished didn't mean it was gone entirely. He just needed space to release the pressue of it on his own except it seemed like Mr Iguro wouldn't allow that.
Behind him, the Hashira's stern voice called him back. "Shinazugawa."
"Genya."
"Stop being foolish, and go back to the other junior slayers." When Genya turned back around, Mr Iguro's eyes were narrowed in barely restrained contempt.
"I will after I've been to the Stone Estate."
"You have no reason to go to the Stone Estate."
"I do." He tried to keep the bite out of his tone, but he didn't think he'd succeeded with how Mr Iguro's head tilted to the side. The man's eyes became searching as they bore into Genya's, and he should've looked away. It was only polite when the man was his superior, but his hands had been clenched into fists by his side almost the entire conversation. He wasn't quite ready to back down, not yet. This jerk didn't deserve it. He'd just met the man today, and already Genya knew that he didn' like him one bit. His personality, his presence, everything about him just fed into his anger until it was gnawing at Genya's ribs and making his lungs burn as his breathing grew deeper and made his body tense as if ready for battle. He could feel in warming his blood and shrpening his vision until he thought he could almost see the man's individual eyelashes from that distance.
Genya couldn't allow that, though. He couldn't allow his emotions to get the best of him no matter how hard they tried. Each second that passed felt like another inch lost as he fought against them. His mind was frazzled from the day, and was quickly losing his grip on his self-control. From receiving the news of Shinazugawa's disappearance, to listening Mucihiro recount the mission and having something ping his suspicion that he couldn't place, to having to turn Tanjiro down again and again to join the stupid mission, Genya had been emotionally exhausted for the last month. His thoughts were a whirlwind, and he was starting to get a migraine.
"Shinazugawa-"
"It's Genya," he snapped.
"Genya Shinazugawa." Mr Iguro pointed at him once more, and Genya had to resist the urge to walk forward and slap his hand away. He could control his anger. Once he was at the Stone Estate, he could let it out. He just needed to hold onto his rapidly fraying patience just a bit longer.
"You can deny your name, but that doesn't mean you can deny who your family is," Mr Iguro hissed, and Genya barely bit back calling the bastard dramatic. His pale snake emerged from his hair, and Genya was sure it was glaring at him too. Genya glared back with twice the heat. "You bear the burden of your family's sins just as much as Shinazugawa does, you coward. Just because you got your feelings hurt doesn't mean you can just throw off any responsibility to your name. Your brother-"
"Shinazugawa doesn't have a brother."
Mr Iguro leaned back, face falling into a carefully blank mask a half second after Genya saw surprise in those two-colored eyes. Something Genya did startled him, and the man could keep it to himself. He really didn't care about what was going on in Mr Iguro's head right now. Genya knew he should have been apologetic for nearly yelling at a Hashira, but he was tired and frustrated and he just wanted to go home right now to find a space to decompress. Maybe later he'd formally apologize, and he knew it'd mean nothing when he man clearly thought the worst of Genya.
'What an asshole.'
Fortunately, Genya just had to restrain himself from yelling at a Hashira a little longer. It wasn't like the man was going to be in his life longer than this moment lasted. It'd better for both of them if they just ended their interaction there and went their separate ways. Let Mr Iguro think he was weak and flaky; Genya knew himself better, and he knew he was done with this conversation. So trying not to huff like a child, Genya made to storm away.
"Shinazugawa."
His voice sounded much closer, and when Genya turned back once again, Mr Iguro was almost beside him.
"Mr Iguro." It didn't seem worth correcting him again.
"I'm also heading to the Stone Estate."
Great.
Just fantastic.
Genya nodded. It was the only thing he could do without further losing his self-control, and he walked alongside Mr Iguro in tense silence as they made their way to the estate.