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Severus held the poor tortured paper tightly in his hands. It was streaked with salty tears and ripped in a few spots as well as crumpled from getting shoved into a pocket. It was a simple flyer for a carnival ball. A stupid muggle party that Hogwarts wanted to try out. And as always, it's a party that basically requires a date. Even though it's written as optional, everyone knows that if you show up without a date, you'll just get laughed at and kicked out by cooler people. Or at least that's what will happen to Snape for sure. The Marauders won't let an opportunity like that pass by. Even if they were gone, sitting alone for the whole party is just pathetic.
Lily won't go with him. He knows it before he even asked her. When the announcement was made in the great hall, her green eyes immediately darted over to James. And his eyes went to her. They stared at each other just long enough for Severus to loose interest in his dinner.
The floor was a bit cold and uncomfortable. But there isn't really any better place than the bathroom to safely cry so Severus doesn't move. He just continues to take his frustration out on the paper. He pauses just for a second to listen for sounds of footsteps or anything that could hint on someone possibly finding him. When his ears pick up nothing, he continues on with his misery.
---
The library was anything but quiet today. Snape pushed his nose further into his potions book. He wasn't actually reading, he was desperately trying not to listen to Black loudly chattering about his possible dates, who asked him out and who he wants to go out with. He even made a list of them all. It was annoying. Severus pushed whatever feelings he might have towards the boy down and tried to actually focus on his book for once. Maybe if he stared at it for long enough some kind of plan would appear.
A love potion? Too risky. And too classic, everyone knows that nobody would go on a date with him willingly. Maybe an invisibility potion? If he alters the ingredients he could make it last long enough- wait no that will just mean he won't sulk alone in his dorm but instead stare at everyone having fun. Sneaking into the party is just plain stupid. But he can't waltz in confidently can he?
The potions book fell out of his hands when he tried to adjust his position a bit. He quickly picked it up to avoid attention from other people and stared at the page it randomly opened up to. The polyjuice potion. A potion that will allow him to not be himself but someone else. A perfect way to get into the party and get a date. He just needs to turn into someone else, someone who is attractive and cool. Someone like James Potter. But not James himself. He's way too mean. And also Severus wouldn't do that to Lily. Impersonating a guy she likes can only end wrong.
Severus grabbed all his stuff and quickly made his way to the dungeons. He needs to use the potions lab right now if he wants to make what he needs fast enough for the party. Thankfully Slughorn lets him go in and out whenever he wants as long as he keeps the place clean.
---
The cold floor of the bathroom was once again the only thing keeping Severus from completely breaking down. He held onto it, trying to slightly halt his racing mind.
A polyjuice potion is completely out of the question. Even if he alters some ingredients and devotes all his time to it, it won't be done for at least three weeks. The carnival is in just below two weeks. He needs another way. But searching through all the potions textbooks over and over for a solution ended in Severus once again coming out sleep deprived and empty handed. He was running out of time and he still had nothing.
The carnival isn't even that important to him. But for once since he got to Hogwarts he just wants to expirience something nice. He has his mind set on the prize now, it's not easy to simply let it go. The tile floor was very vaguely reflective. Severus stared at himself, his hair mostly covering his features. Because he was looking down, his eyes and nose were barely visible through the bangs. He doesn't exactly look like himself with half of his face covered. Maybe he can still do something. He just needs to get rid of his most recognizable traits.. he needs to get rid of anything that makes him distinctly Snape.
---
The clock's ticking was so annoying, Severus felt like scratching his own ears off. But he waited patiently, watching as professor McGonagall gathered up her stuff and organized her desk a little. She finally looked up to meet his eyes.
"So. What is it that you needed from me so urgently?"
She spoke calmly, voice friendly yet curious. Severus hesitated a little before finally gathering all the courage and manipulation he had in himself. It probably isn't a lot since he is kind of small but that won't make him give up.
"I'm having some trouble with transfiguration miss.. I was hoping I could get some kind of help with it."
He muttered, not suggesting extra classes immediately but also.. well suggesting extra classes. This was his last chance so he can't mess it up.
"Oh Snape, but your grades are doing really well! I'm sure you don't have to worry about anything, you'll pass all my tests easily."
She responded immediately, a bit surprised by the fact that one of her top students was actually wanting to get help.
"I'm not worried about the tests profesor. It's about.. my own knowledge. You see, I'm very interested by how transfiguration works and I've been doing some research on my own. But I know how dangerous it is so I've been scared to put it into practice. I mostly practice on inanimate objects. So as you can probably guess I'm having some problems with transforming living things.. especially.. well myself."
Severus really hopes that this whole thing won't mess him up even more. He's kind of risking a lot already.
"Self transfiguration? But that's things strictly for sixth years. You're a fourth year Snape. You have no need to go that far."
McGonagall clearly wasn't planning on teaching him something that could be potentially dangerous. There's a reason why spells like that are only taught to older students.
"Oh but self transfiguration is just what I need.. the art of changing things, making them your own creation. I'm just so curious about it and that's why I turned to you professor. So I can try it out safely instead of doing it all on my own. The way you transform into a cat.. it's really cool. I bet there's more tricks with transfiguration like that."
Severus played his game very carefully and he seemed to hit the sweet spot with the flattery. McGonagall smirked a little and shook her head.
"Well I suppose it is better to try things like that with supervision. Though I will not be teaching you the spells for an animagus form just yet. That's a bit too complex. We can try smaller self transfiguration spells though."
Snape almost cheered. He kept a straight face though and only nodded eagerly.
"I'd love to."
---
The extra classes with profesor McGonagall were a bit exhausting. She clearly believes Snape to be some kind of transfiguration mastermind. He's not but he has to pretend so that she'll continue giving him the extra classes. He has learned a few spells that could come in handy. Though mastering them is probably out of Severus' reach for now, they should be enough. He started to gather materials for his special plan. The Potter gang can laugh at Snape all they want, about how much of a looser he is. He'll just show up to the party anyway as not himself and have fun so their teasing won't affect him at all.
The bathroom was once again a safe place Severus retreated into. Not to cry this time. To try out different spells. He tried transfiguring his hair a few times, managing to slightly shorten and curl it with just magic alone. He tried to change it's color too but that kind off failed. It was barely noticable on his black hair. He also tried to experiment a bit with beautification charms, though most of them either did nothing or changed him in a way that he didn't like. He'll figure it out though. He's got like a week before the carnival and that's more than enough to get his disguise ready. He'll absolutely dominate that party. Just to prove to himself that he can. Even if not as himself. He isn't a total looser. He just had a bad start that is all.
---
McGonagall was really pleased with Snape. He was improving quickly under her guidance. He learned to alter his appearance quite quickly. He continued to experiment every evening even after classes, staring at a mirror and subtly adjusting his face and hair or trying to make himself taller (and failing miserably at that one part but that's besides the point). He was doing well.
But what he didn't expect at all was a breakthrough. He stopped imagining himself when doing the changes. Instead he started to imagine the image of something completely inverted. He made like a weird opposite of himself. And it worked. The hair changing charm took to his black strands perfectly, slowly lightening them to a soft fluffy and curly white. He managed to make himself taller and even a little stronger. His face was kind of hard to alter but it changed a bit too, mostly just his jaw area though. The more he practiced, the easier it became to hold the transformation spells on himself. He even tried to change his eye color a few times which McGonagall mentioned to be really hard. It was just that but he did lighten them a little one time. He was making solid progress.
---
The day was finally here. The whole school was decorated with beautiful colorful accents all around. Some people were already wearing little accessories and even masks though the party was only in the evening. Severus prepared everything perfectly. The transformation practice came in handy when making his mask, he only needed a spare shirt to charm it into a mask. He was real starting to like transformation spells. When his classes ended he rushed to his dorm immediately to finish his preparations. Taking all necessary things he went into his hideout bathroom and begun his magical transformation.
First, he started with his outfit. He didn't have anything fancy so he took his school robes and dyed them all white. He added blue accents too and a beautiful flowy cape that certainly won't get stepped on my other people or drag on the ground. Not after he makes himself taller at least. Then he touched up his mask, decorated with white, silver and blue feathers. It covered up the upper portion of his face and his nose perfectly which works well with his transformation skills.
After the clothes were done he moved onto the hair. Once again imagining an opposite of himself, it became white, a pure brilliant white just like his robes. He used the beautification charm on his body mostly, trying to make it different than his own. It worked halfway. He had to transform his shoes a bit in the end to make himself as tall as he wanted though. He also made them white in the process so they'd match.
Severus looked into the mirror and almost spooked himself. With the mask on and all the subtle changes he didn't recognize himself at all. Which was perfectly what he wanted. He was like new. Reborn as a different person. Just to attend some stupid carnival ball. Maybe he has gone a bit overboard with this whole thing.. maybe he should have just stayed in his dorm and waited out the party. But he didn't want to hide anymore. He didn't want to be a coward. Being an opposite of his own self is giving him lots of confidence, something he usually lacks even when fighting against the Marauders or chatting with Lily. Who knew a few simple spells could change even someone's personality?
Getting closer to the mirror, Severus cast the last charm. His black eyes lightened a little to a stone gray. Good enough.
The image was pretty much done. There wasn't a part of Snape that he'd recognize as himself. He was finally ready for the party.
---
The walk to the ball was really stressful. Severus was having a lot of second thoughts and doubts. His plan was beginning to look more and more plain stupid. He just wanted to not be himself for one night.. but it won't change anything. Not in the long run. He's still himself under all those spells.
Though he knows that after tonight, his new persona will probably be useless, Severus hopes to just have some fun. He made a final wish, to be free of all the burdens he has hanging over his head as Severus. To be free of all the mean words thrown at him as Snivellus. To be free of all the pain as Snape. To be free of all the responsibilities as the Half-Blood Prince. He then entered into the room, his strides long and confident. The white cape swung behind him in a fluid motion, creating a nice effect. He felt eyes on himself. And for once they didn't burn him. They felt warm. Nice. He felt new.
---
There were a few tables placed in a circle around the large dancefloor. Most of them were overtaken by bigger friend groups so some students chose to stand. Severus decided to use his confidence and chat with people he always wanted to talk to but never really could as himself. He went right past the Slytherin table with a few people his year and sat with a few friendly Hufflepuffs. It was nice, he ate something and chatted a bit. He avoided questions about his name and house, mostly because he didn't think about that part. He didn't have any fake identity for himself. Some of the Hufflepuff students started to place bets, most on him being a Ravenclaw. Clearly inspired by the color theme he chose for himself. After hanging around for a little more Severus decided to move on somewhere else since he isn't planning on wasting his big chance sitting in just one spot.
He could try and approach Lily. She probably won't recognize him but he still feels a bit bad about possibly tricking her. That's not his intention after all. After thinking the idea through for a bit, Snape slowly moved on from his table and sneakily approached a few Ravenclaws. He always liked Ravens and how smart they all are. Maybe they can chat with him about how cool potions are. His clothes fit most of theirs too. He just now realized that accidentally all the blue accents made him blend in with the Ravenclaw table really well. He did kind of sneak in but nobody commented on it and Severus felt himself get accepted into the group really quickly. He discussed a few mistakes he saw in one of the textbooks and complained about some teachers. It was going amazingly.
Though lingering for too long isn't something Severus wants to do. He reminded himself of that fact and then slowly dissapeared from the conversation before slipping away and moving onto the next table. He wasn't sure if he should stop here or not. There were a bunch of Gryffindors all laughing together. He recognized Remus from the Marauders there too. He could go to some other table, maybe find a different group. Maybe a mixed one or Hufflepuffs again. But he did come here to try new things.. so without standing awkwardly for too long, Snape went up to this table too. He didn't join into the conversation at first but he idly listened, waiting for everyone to notice his presence and possibly accept it.
His tactic worked well. The Gryffindor table was a little confused at first, but then carried on with whatever jokes they had going on. Severus was about to join in when someone spoke to him. It wouldn't be too surprising if not for the fact that it was Lily, who clearly appeared when he wasn't looking.
"Hey, what's your name?"
She asked in a friendly tone, smiling warmly at Snape. His mind went blank for a few seconds, just staring at her as if she transformed into a dragon.
"Uh- it's Evan."
He finally stammered out, making the name up right on the spot.
"Evan? That's so cool, my surname is Evans! We're kinda matching."
Severus turned his black, wait no, gray eyes up to the ceiling, praying to whatever was up there that she doesn't connect the dots. Technically the dots are already connected but he just hopes she doesn't look at them closely and see that Evan is Severus and the name he made up is definitely based off her surname due to his absolutely empty creativity for names.
"Huh.. yeah that is nice. Your outfit is nice too."
Severus lowered his voice a little, forcing it to stay calm. Stuttering now would probably make him melt onto the floor from embarrassment.
"Thank you! I tried to go for a flowery look since my friend suggested that it fits my name. It's Lily by the way."
Snape watched as Lily showed off the flowers in her hair a bit and the rose mask she had on. He didn't exactly have any topic for his own clothes since he just wanted to cover up his distinct features. But maybe he can somewhat gather whatever he made into a theme.
"I'm kind of like.. a phoenix? But with ice instead of fire maybe."
Severus lifted a hand and touched the blueish feathers on his mask. He said the first thing that came to mind when he recalled how he looked like in the mirror. Lily seemed pleased with it.
"That's a really cool idea Evan. Do you wanna hang out together? I'm walking around and checking out other tables."
So she was doing the same as him. Well damn the idea of not meeting with Lily. Snape is too deep in at this point and he doesn't want to stop. He has some confidence so why not use it to talk with someone he actually likes for once? He nodded energetically, a bit too energetically actually because his hair kind of fell over his eyes and he had to correct it again. Wavy hair is definitely more annoying than his usual straight hairstyle.
---
Lily chatted away with her new friend, really glad she got to meet him. Evan is quite interesting. She never had many chances to interact with students from other houses so the carnival ball is the best place for making new friends. The guy clearly has style and he looks really cool too. She has never seen anyone with purely white like snow hair in the corridors. Or in class. Which made her wonder if it's maybe dyed or something. Doesn't look like it though, it looks really natural.
They went over to the corner of the room where Lily has last seen James. She wanted to introduce him to her new friend. Maybe he'll have a better reaction to Evan than to Sev. She noticed James and Sirius together, staring into a random piece of parchment, their faces having that usual "plotting something" expression. Peter occasionally snuck a peek at whatever they were reading in there, while also looking around the room quite often.
"I can introduce you to my friends if you'd like. They are quite nice once you get to know them."
Lily offered, watching as Evan looked down a bit, hiding his face even more. Maybe he's got a bone to pick with James and his squad. They are big troublemakers so they gained a name for themselves even in their first years already.
"Sure that could be nice. Thanks."
Evan responded eventually and Lily lead him over to the trio. Remus wasn't here so it could get chaotic since he's like the voice of reason in this group.. but a little chaos can't be that bad right?
---
Severus was nervous. More than he'd ever been before honestly. Lily's presence was kind of comforting but still strolling right up to Potter, Black and Pettigrew was not something he planned for. He was just gonna have some fun, indulge in not being an outcast, experience other houses since all the sneaky Slytherin business is getting kind of boring and repetitive. And here he is approaching his rivals. Technically they're more do so bullies than rivals but it's not like Severus is innocent. He fights with them too.
"Hey Lils! Who did you bring now?"
James asked, putting on his usual confident tone. Sirius just stared, almost making Snape shiver a bit. His cold stare isn't something he likes having on himself.
"Oh just a new friend I met at one of the Gryffindor group tables! His name is Evan."
Lily was clearly about to start introducing the Marauders when Sirius cut in.
"Evan? I've never heard of an Evan in Gryffindor.. or or any other house in our year for that matter."
Good thing the new hair and the feathered mask were covering Severus' forehead well, he's definitely sweating bullets right now. The only people at the ball who are able to break his cover are Lily, the Marauders and maybe a few teachers. He doesn't want to go back to being himself yet, not so early into the party.. there's still so much to do.
"Might have not noticed me.. also uh.. the costume makes me look a little different."
Severus forced himself to look into Black's eyes. He lingered in a staring contest with him for a few seconds before moving on to James. He's both facing his fears and also making sure they see his gray eyes. Not black but gray.. so not Severus but Evan. McGonagall would be proud of him for sure.
"Guys come on stop interrogating. We're here to have fun right? Now I wanna check out what those younger Hufflepuffs over there are up to."
Lily smiled again, making Severus smile back immediately. James nodded and then gave Peter a look. The shorter boy seemed to understand it and went up to Lily.
"I'll go with you. They do seem interesting."
He said, slowly starting to walk alongside Lily. Snape moved to walk but found himself frozen in place. James and Sirius were now flaking him on both sides.
"So.. Evan."
James started, looking down at Severus' hands. Him and Sirius were purposefully standing uncomfortably close. They clearly want to provoke Severus into getting scared and trying to protect himself as usual. His wand is the only thing that stayed the same about him. The only thing still connecting Evan to Severus. If they saw it, his special night would be ruined.
"How about we-"
James stared, taking another step closer. Severus pushed through the two teens quickly and harshly.
"Sorry I've gotta go now!"
He quickly blurted the sentence out before just booking it out of the room. It doesn't even matter if they know or not, he's not sticking around to find out. He had enough fun for today. Running through empty Hogwarts corridors, Severus found himself slowly dropping his spells. He almost tripped over his shoes as they melted back into their usual state. The white color which covered basically everything was now fading, almost dripping off like snow at the end of winter. By the time Severus ran into his dorm, he was not only very much out of breath but also looking like himself again. His mask gone, his face and hair just like they used to be for the past few years.
Severus Snape looked down at his black robes, taking a deeper breath and then letting it go slowly. The change had been so quick it took him a little while to get his mind back to reality. He's himself once again. Sitting on his bed in the Slytherin dorms, Severus stared at the ceiling, thinking about a fairytale once read by his mother. He basically forgot about it up until today when it happened to him. Changed for just one party and for what? Memories? He's got enough of those. Maybe if he dropped his shoe on some stairs a prince would come and rescue him from this nightmare.
Not bothering to even change, Snape slowly drifted off, letting his mind dream of the party some more. This whole situation felt like a dream. And he'd of course treat it as such. Just a pleasant little dream in which he was crazy enough to actually try a plan as stupid as that to get into some carnival ball. Yeah.. crazy.