Chapter Text
You leaned against the door of your black car, waiting for Gerard to show up. You were paired up to write, and perform, a short original play. Neither of you had really spoken before, but you had the biggest crush on him. Maybe he did too, but it was unlikely. You'd caught him glancing at you on more than one occasion, and you saw the way he got nervous when you asked him to come over to practice... but, he was also a devout Catholic and wanted to follow in the footsteps of his father and become a priest. A simple Google search said priests must be celibate and aren't allowed to date, or have dated in the past. Crushes aren't a sin, but the way you think about him sure as hell is. You would almost feel bad about the fact your attraction to him was almost purely physical if it didn't feel so good to tarnish his holiness, even if it was only in your mind.
Your train of thought was interrupted as Gerard walked out of the main school building and started searching for your car. You locked eyes with him, and he made his way over to you.
"Hello." you say, giving a tight-lipped smile. He smiled back and your brain short-circuited briefly. You let out a shaky exhale as you got into the driver's seat. He sat in the passenger seat and fidgeted with his hands a little as you pulled out of the parking lot. As you drove, you cursed your heart for racing in his presence and the more you focused on it the hotter your face got and fuck just keep your eyes on the road and-
"I.. I have a script here for something I wrote if you, uh, well, we.. if you want us to use it." he said, and you could swear he was blushing, but you can't get a good look at his face because he's looking down at his hands. He was always relatively asocial in class, so to you, it makes sense he'd be relatively nervous in social interactions, especially one-on-one with a girl.
"I'll take a look when we get to my place. Honestly, I haven't written anything, so we'll probably have to use it anyway." you responded with a chuckle. You guys held a slightly awkward conversation throughout the car ride, and Gerard seemed to be a little less nervous by the end of it. On the elevator ride up, a man in the elevator- balding, mid 40's- stared at you in a way that could not be considered friendly by any stretch of the imagination. You and Gerard had a healthy amount of space between where you both stood, so it didn't look like you were with him, at least not romantically. Gerard leaned in, murmuring into your ear.
"Is he freaking you out?" he asked. You could feel his breath on your neck and you're certain he knows what he's doing and, fuck, it's working. You nodded and you swallowed, not because of the way the creepy guy was looking at you. He moved the rest of his body closer to you, resting a hand on the small of your back with a gentle touch. Heat struck your core with the strength and speed of lightning, and all you could do is let out a shaky sigh. It's almost uncomfortable how bad you needed him, and you'd never been this close to him in your life. You knew these next few hours were going to be torture. The old guy had, at this point, averted his gaze, assuming you both were together.
"Thank you." you murmured after the man had left, tilting your head so you were deliberately speaking into his neck. You smirked and you heard him inhale sharply.
"Don't do that... speak like that." he mumbled, blushing with a look of slight guilt on his face.
"Sorry."
"It's fine." he responded breathily, keeping his hand on your back until it's your stop. He then returned his hand to his side and followed you to your apartment, where he opened and held the door for you. He put his leather jacket on the coat hanger coolly, as if nothing had ever happened in the elevator mere moments prior that had left you, at the very least, more than a little.. heated. He locked eyes with you and smiled. You flushed, realizing you’d been caught staring. You headed into the living room.
“Take a seat.” you gestured towards the couch. “Can I get you something to eat? Drink?”
“Oh- uhm.. could I have a diet Coke, please?” he asked, fidgeting with his hands a little. You nod. He was sitting a little awkwardly, with his hands moving in his lap and back not even touching the backrest.
“I think I have some… Anyways, make yourself comfortable. I don’t bite.”
He chuckled nervously. When you came back from the kitchen, he sat cross legged and was looking much more comfortable in his seat, but his face still had a touch of nervousness to it. You smiled to yourself at his slightly nervous demeanour. You passed him his Coke, deliberately making both your hands touch in the process. He took a sip, his face a little flushed. He swallowed and took his hand-written script out of his pocket. He unfolded it and handed it to you. His handwriting was a little messy, but you can tell he took his time on the script. If you were being honest, you didn't pay much attention to the story because he was right there and looked so fucking pretty as he went through his story... something something 1000 evil men. You practise the script for about an hour, then you get talking. He was creative, sweet, funny, and really polite. And he wasn't an "in-your-face" Catholic, either. Just a sweet boy. Fuuuuuuuck.
"Can we go outside? I just need to smoke, if that's alright with you." you asked, picking up your half-empty and probably half-flat Coke. He nodded, muttering an agreement, and followed you outside onto your balcony after you had both put on your coats. You stepped out into the bitter December air, lighting a cigarette and leaning your elbows on the railing. Streetlights illuminated the snow-kissed roads as wispy, feathery clouds decorated the dark sky. Gerard leaned his elbows on the railing, next to you. He chuckled softly.
"You're lucky I like you enough to stand out here. It's bloody cold..." he joked, looking over at you. You smiled and took a drag, and he watched you almost as if in a trance.
"Sorry." you responded, smoke tumbling out of your mouth. His eyes dart down to your lips for a moment, and another look of guilt crosses his face.
"You look guilty."
"Do I?"
"Yeah." you responded, taking another drag. "It's like sometimes... you just get this look in your eyes, then it's.. just immediately replaced with guilt."
"Well, if I'm being honest..." he chuckled softly. You blew smoke out of your mouth. He averted his gaze downwards and smiled to himself. But you don't break eye contact, and he can tell. "I've kind of... actually liked you for, well, a while now." he mutters nervously, "Call me crazy, but I think you feel the same way too, and... I don't know. I-I've been open about wanting to be a priest... and, it's- it's... just weird. You're... distracting." he stammered with a chuckle. "Would you stop looking at me like that? It's making me nervous, ha.."
You clicked your tongue and took another drag from your cigarette, looking away with a small smile.
"I'm flattered you think I'm distracting. And," you blow out smoke, locking eyes with him again which causes him to look away. "well, you know, you're right. I feel the same way." You finished your Coke and your eyes darted down to his lips briefly. "You're much easier to focus on than this project." you purred, putting out your cigarette and locking eyes with Gerard again. He smiled and looked down, blushing crimson.
"Don't- Don't flirt with me." he mumbled. Contrary to his words, he moved closer to you.
"Why? Afraid you'll want to kiss me?"
"...I do want to." he let out a shaky exhale, eyes darting down to your lips. You could see his internal forces clashing in his eyes, his faith combating the filth that is human nature. "Bad." his voice cracked slightly, lips parting.
"What's the harm? Surely they won't turn you down for kissing one girl just once in college."
"I've never kissed anyone before."
You groaned softly. You'd be the first. Fuck.
"You'll get the hang of it."
He grabbed your chin gently, rubbing your bottom lip with his thumb slowly and the look in his eyes told you he was painfully touch starved. Wide, eager pupils looking down at you with those hazel irises filled with a gorgeous mix of pent-up lust and guilt. He kissed you, slowly and deliberately. After mere seconds, he's already cracking. His hands slid down to your waist and it felt so very right to have someone so holy, so pure, so fucking close and hot against your mouth. He whined softly and you groaned against his lips. He pulled away reluctantly, sighing softly.
"Mmh.. I can't." he muttered.
"That's okay."
"But I want you so bad."
"Not much difference between thought and action."
"I guess you're right.."
You took his hand, leading him inside. You closed the door behind you and threw your coat on the floor, and he did the same. His hands returned to your waist and you slung your arms around his neck. He was so close you could feel his breath on your face.
"Do you want to go home?" you murmured, eyes glued to his lips, before flicking your gaze back up to his eyes. "Because I will drive you home at any time."
"No, I don't."
"Just say the word.. and this stops, mkay?"
He nodded.
"Can I kiss you?"
"...Please."
You kissed him, hard and slow. He was so good at kissing you too, moving his lips effortlessly against yours as if it were the most natural thing in the world. You slid your tongue against his bottom lip, and you feel him hesitate for a moment, but he churned his guilt into arousal and tangled his tongue with yours eagerly. He whined, and you couldn't tell if it's of pleasure, or shame, or a mix of both, but you feel how hard he is against your thigh and suddenly you can't think of anything other than fucking him senseless. He tasted so good, and it's not because of the Coke. It was the purity. You were drunk off how new this must be to him. All the tongue, all the spit, all the unadulterated heat between you two. It's so filthy, and primal, and you're staining an innocent, sweet boy, but you're too turned on by it to feel guilty.
"Need you... I need you so fucking bad." he moaned pathetically into your mouth. He rocked his hips against you and you groaned.
"Mkay.. fuck, you're such a good kisser." you mumbled, pulling away. You took off your shirt, and he did the same. You rubbed his achingly hard cock through his jeans, coaxing a groan from his lips. You sat down on the couch while he stood in front of you. You undid his jeans, then worked on undoing yours. He was so big, you could tell through his boxers. Your eyes widened as you took his cock out. You look up at Gerard's crimson face.
"Can I just-" he mumbled impatiently, pulling down your underwear and sliding in unexpectedly.
"Mmhh... that was- ngh.. sudden." you groaned, and he's so deep you think you might choke. He moaned softly, head falling into the crook of your neck and kissing absent mindedly as he slid in and out, making you take it up to the hilt.
"Can't- mmph.. help it.. you feel so fuhh.. fucking good..." he whined, licking a stripe up your neck. He fucked into you faster, almost animalistically, coaxing moans out of you. He whimpered pathetically into your neck, effectively fucking both of you stupid. He was moving on instinct, doing whatever would satisfy him because only God knew how bad he needed this. You've reduced him to this. To nothing more than his most natural instincts. Nothing mattered that he couldn't feel and fuck, he needed to feel.
He continued, whining and whimpering pathetically into your ear. You wanted to taste purity on his breath, so you kissed him as he kept his pace. He kissed back to the best of his abilities, but his coordination weakened as his brain became more and more clouded by lust and guilt. He was so deep, and he felt so good it's almost a shame that you're the only one he'll ever do this to. He sped up a bit ("Aah.. mmh.. feel so fucking good, baby.."), and if you could think straight in this instant you would be impressed at his stamina. He pulled away from your mouth, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
"God," he muttered, his voice breaking a bit, "please forgive me- haaah... I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry... mmmngh, gonna cum... I'm- so filthy... but she feels so good.." he moaned in between small sobs, kissing your neck brokenly. "It's not her fault.. all mine, a-all mine.. In- oh, fuck.. gonna fucking cum.. Jesus name, A-Amen..."
Hearing him pray, something so sacred, so holy, while he was fucking you raw and so hard it made you see stars sent you to the edge immediately. He sobbed softly into your neck, whining and moaning pathetically as he continued his pace. The filthy juxtaposition of his frenzied, animalistic actions and pitiful, pathetic noises made your eyes roll with the help of another slamming thrust into you.
"Nice 'nd deep.. nice and deep.. awh, fuck... you feel so fucking good, sofuckinggoodsofuckinggood... mmmph.." he moaned, slamming inside you a few more times to make sure you took all of his cum. He was so unintentionally dirty, having pounded you raw then proceeding to fuck his cum into you, almost as if he was born to be nothing more than a sinner. Your orgasm ripped through you hard, making you rock your hips against him with a moan. He was so fucking ruined. Fucked and impure. You kissed his tear-stained face gently, almost like an apology. You just prayed class wouldn't be awkward tomorrow.
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I should be SHOT. Anyways hope you enjoyed. I'm a sick fuck. I didn't proof read super well, so i may tweak it later.
Tweaked on Dec 30th !