Chapter Text
[NO. 1 APPRENTICE GROUP]
10:35
hermione granger: is call awake yet??
rockhater: He better be, Master Rufus is getting impatient
not_a_makar: how can you even tell what master rufus is thinking
that man is like stone to me
rockhater: It’s the art of jasper
I’m too amazing
captain fish face: yeah you were soo amazing when you left that rock and let the magisterium find us
rockhater: OH COME ON
hermione granger: he lives!
jasper no.1 hater: the boy who lives!!
captain fish face: i am NOT being compared to harry potter
not_a_makar: i mean… black hair, soul of an evil overlord, magic…
captain fish face: YOU TOO AARON??
betrayal.
hermione granger: if i’m hermione then call is harry
jasper no.1 hater: then is aaron ron?
not_a_makar: but i’m not in love with tamara
but apart from that, i guess so?
rockhater: Ron hijacks that car in second year, so close enough
captain fish face: yeah but aaron didn’t only hijack the car, he hotwired it
rockhater: Sorry call but you’ll never be able to beat Aaron in most popular makar. Chaos magic AND hotwiring cars
not_a_makar: read my name, jasper. not a makar anymore.
jasper no.1 hater: wait so then is jasper draco malfoy?
THEN WHO AM I?
hermione granger: comes from a family of all magic users, call/harry’s enemy but not very important overall
captain fish face: uses way too many products in their hair
rockhater: I need this many products to make my hair as stunning as possible, thanks.
jasper no.1 hater: keep telling yourself that
rockhater: GWENDA YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE
jasper no.1 hater: when have i ever been on your side???
rockhater: 😕 </3
captain fish face: jasper never use emojis again
i am begging you
rockhater: Why? 🤨
captain fish face: NO
IT LOOKS WRONG
rockhater: Yolo!
not_a_makar: WHAT
jasper no.1 hater: NO
captain fish face: ABSOLUTELY NOT
hermione granger: jasper we can and will kick you off
jasper no.1 hater: NO DEAD MEMES IN THIS CHAT
captain fish face: unless its pepe the frog
jasper no.1 hater: UNLESS ITS PEPE
not_a_makar: pepe for president
rockhater: Pepe for president! Yolo!
captain fish face: .
hermione granger: call just slide tackled jasper in the middle of the refectory what did i miss
AGAIN REALLY JASPER.
not_a_makar: yolo doesn’t really apply for me though
jasper no.1 hater: yolt
you only live twice
not_a_makar: yoluystys for call
jasper no.1 hater: you only live until you stop transferring your soul 🔥
not_a_makar: how did you get that??
hermione granger: you share one brain cell istg
rockhater: I’M BACK!
jasper no.1 hater: oh fuck
hermione granger: greattt. just what we all wanted.
rockhater: you seemed to want me when you kidnapped me
hermione granger: i was aiming for call . you were just in the way
not_a_makar: wait when did that happen?
rockhater: oh you were dead
jasper no.1 hater: yknow i really get fomo whenever you guys talk about something like this
captain fish face: and i get ptsd
hermione granger: we all need therapy.
jasper no.1 hater: not me!
captain fish face: you have to deal with jasper as your boyfriend. you need therapy
jasper no.1 hater: fair
rockhater: this is bullying???
captain fish face: oh no.
whatever will we do.
jasper no.1 hater: this is unacceptable, we better report ourselves to master rufus
hermione granger: i can’t believe we’d stoop so low as to become bullies
rockhater: that one time where you poured your food on my head.
captain fish face: KDHAHOWNAOAMSHQIAN
hermione granger: … is he okay
jasper no.1 hater: no he’s just died in the refectory
rockhater: oh no
anyway
captain fish face: i live
rockhater: …
jasper no.1 hater: don’t you dare say it…
rockhater: yolo
[rockhater has been removed from NO. 1 APPRENTICE GROUP by captain fish face]
captain fish face: why did jasper have to be added to the apprentice group.
jasper no.1 hater: hear hear
captain fish face: gwenda this is kinda your fault
jasper no.1 hater: WOAH.
OKAY THEN
hermione granger: master rufus is looking for you three, lessons have started and me and aaron have been here for ages
captain fish face: fuck
jasper no.1 hater: truce to find our way to class?
captain fish face: truce
[NO. 1 APPRENTICE GROUP]
16:43
[Jasper DeWinter has been added to NO. 1 APPRENTICE GROUP by hermione granger]
Jasper DeWinter: HA
captain fish face: NOOOO
jasper no.1 hater: tamara why 😭😭😭😭
hermione granger: felt sorry for him
not_a_makar: i mean he did turn up to our lesson 3 hours late and soaking wet
captain fish face: uh yeah and master rufus’ face was priceless???
jasper no.1 hater: not seeing the problem here
Jasper DeWinter: I FELL INTO TWO RIVERS.
captain fish face: that sounds like a skill issue
not_a_makar: did you try and not fall in to the rivers?
Jasper DwWinter: wow. yeah i’ll try that next time, thanks.
not_a_makar: your welcome!!
hermione granger: oh, and nearly forgot
[hermione granger has renamed Jasper DeWinter ‘rockhater’]
hermione granger: there
rockhater: what did i do to deserve this.
actually don’t answer that