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How many times?
How many times does destiny continue to play a trick?
Nier doesn’t know. He didn’t want to know.
He had often been angry with life, which was unfair and hard—many nights struggling to raise her little sister—Days without sleep. And yet, they took her away from him.
And yet, all the sacrifices he made were for nothing. At all.
Even when alone, he didn't see the importance of having friends. It had always been Nier and Yonah. No one else. Maybe the twins were routine visitors who gave him jobs to survive. It wasn't until that day when he met Weiss that he found what companionship was. Friendship, with Emil. Another kind of love, even in secret, with Kainé.
One that makes him sacrifice his entire self.
Now, here he was. In a place where no one can reach him. One where his existence stays, but only he remembers. With lunar tears to accompany him. But with an unexpected visitor.
His true self.
“Are you happy with your decision?” he asked, now with his sixteen-year-old self, looking at him with a look that the replicant couldn’t fully understand.
“…Yes” he replied, as the human exhaled air. And somehow, steam came out of his mouth.
“Selfish until the end, eh?”
“You know it well” the human, formally known as shadow lord, smiled. “…You should be with Yonah”
“I don’t know how to explain it, but I exist here, and, in my purgatory, if you call it that. So, I can be with Yonah, and with you. Surely, because you and I have that bond of soul and vessel”
“…I don’t fully understand”
“Don’t worry. We have time”
The solitude was less heavy with Nier at his side. Time concurs differently, or so he believes. He wasn’t sure anymore.
The human told him about all he had lived. How he became an orphan at a young age, taking to take care of Yonah as an infant. All the places he was, what he had to do to survive in that world that was dying. How he encountered Emil (even if it was a short time) and the human Kainé. Nier says that the human Kainé was different from her replicant. He theorized that was the environment since the human Kainé lived among cushions and the Kainé he knew did not.
“But we couldn’t know for sure. I’ve never encountered the Kainé I know in my purgatory. So…”
Nier looked at the lunar tears, her symbol in essence. He hoped that she could live a normal live, in what could be a world where it had a deadline. A deadline that he imposed himself when he killed the original Gestalt.
Nier looked out at the horizon, frowning as he could see someone who looked familiar, but not at the same time. Distorted, as if he couldn't reach him.
He didn't give it any importance. After all, he was in a place where he shouldn't have been in the first place.
Time passed slowly there, although it was surely a sigh where he came from.
Even at that very moment, it seemed like he had gone through a thousand lifetimes and still, he had come to the same conclusion: It had all been for nothing.
His pride and desire to save his sister blinded him.
Nier had told him many times that it wasn't his fault. He had the right to fight for what was his. He had his faults too, but he was tired of waiting.
What would it have been like to wait over a thousand years to save your sister without success? To believe in a project that had no value in the end?
Nier couldn’t know for sure.
The white-haired man couldn't help but think about his friends, his sister. What had become of them.
If the king had survived. If his sister was okay. If Kainé was okay. Emil, Weiss.
Devola, Popola.
He couldn't count all the people he had met on that journey of blood and pain. His hands stained with blood as the murderer of humanity that he was only reminded him that what he had done was run away.
As he had always done.
He had run away from his sister, who only asked for time with her older brother. He ran away from Kainé, not telling her what he felt for her. He ran away from Weiss, letting her sacrifice herself after so many years of using him relentlessly. He had run away from Emil, leaving him alone for five years without visiting him even once.
He had run away from himself, when he decided that taking care of Yonah was what he had to do. A sigh came out of her throat, looking back at that dark place that was only illuminated by the moonlight tears. That flower that, by chance, made that adventure begin.
When she looked out of the corner of her eye again, someone was there. But she couldn't see him, as if it were something that couldn't be revealed, yet.
It was one day (or night, or moment) he saw him for the first time. He seemed to be his father, but he was not his father.
His muscular appearance contrasted with his delicate appearance, with an eye patch, his muscles exposed, and the same dark circles under her eyes as him. He also looked at him with caution.
They were so alike, yet so different.
Like a wisp of air, he disappeared. Nier did not understand what he had seen.
But that man would appear more than once during his stay.
Many times, Nier had told him that a woman had reminded her that our decisions made us create different timelines. He couldn't be sure about that, but she reminded him of a merchant he saw a long time ago. Who made him plant moonflowers until he found the flower he was looking for.
The flower bloomed before he could give the owner that flower as a gift.
In that place where time seemed nonexistent, he knew there was nothing to do. Only reflect on his sins and repent for what he had done. There was no other way, it was the path he had chosen and it was the one he was facing alone.
After walking for too long, he blinked when he saw a familiar tree in that darkness of moon tears. It looked like the tree from the forest of myths.
Was his mind playing tricks on him? Or was that tree that seemed to be connected to so many things that that place was one of them?
Maybe, in those moments, when everything seemed like a dream, they were that place?
Nier could no longer be sure of anything. He sat in silence, staring at the tree with a mixture of wonder and curiosity.
In a blink, he saw several figures that seemed to be there, but weren't.
And for the first time in a long time, he closed his eyes.
When he opened his eyes, he could see that he was still in the same place. The moon tears were still shining, and the tree seemed to have grown (or he had fallen near it, he wasn't entirely sure anymore). As he supported himself with his forearms, he realized that he wasn't alone.
"Do you remember me?" the woman asked, with that characteristic smile as she adjusted her glasses.
Nier forced himself to stand up again, surprised. "The merchant..." he murmured, "Accord"
"Wow, I thought you wouldn't remember me" Nier shook his head.
"Those jobs, those weapons... the way you taught me to cultivate the moon tears... helped me fall into the deepest depths" he said, looking at her. "I don't think I can thank you" The woman smiled, and the white-haired man frowned "...Perhaps?"
"You could say that I'm here like your original. I'm somewhere else, and somewhere else at the same time" Nier blinked. Did she know about the Gestalt project? "Tell me, Nier," the white-haired man frowned, seeing that he knew his name, "If you had the chance to go back, would you go back?"
That question completely threw him off. He looked down, unable to avoid thinking about that question. Being with his sister again, with Kainé. Emil, if there was a possibility. However, his blood-stained hands did not prevent him from having any remorse about it.
"... Why are you asking me this?"
"Because you have the power to make it happen" he replied, while looking at her again. It seemed that the tree was shining around her. "Timelines are quite convulsive. A small thing, a small moment, causes another alternative ending to occur. Singularities, people who make that possible, are interesting. Like you. Like her." she paused, as if she had remembered something far away.
"... So?" he hesitated, not very sure.
"Humanity was already doomed from the beginning. There was no other way to end it, as it ended" she answered, making Nier lower his gaze. "You're interesting: you're a singularity that sacrificed its existence for another singularity. That caused her to not forget you completely. And to want to bring you back."
"... Kainé" he whispered, sighing "Idiot"
"She's struggling with this tree, almost as if she were climbing it. She's been feeling very alone, you know. The vague memory of you keeps her going."
"...Who are you?"
"I'm just a time traveler who investigates these singularities. I don't usually get involved, but... this isn't the first time I've helped out," she smiled, as if the memory of something comforted her.
"... Then why are you doing it?" the woman smiled.
"Because I promised you."
The tree shone, turning the dark sky white, causing Nier to cover his face for a few moments until he got used to the light. At that moment, thousands of selves were around him, as if they were watching him. There was also the man who looked like his father. His sixteen-year-old self, a self that seemed happier, another that seemed bitter in pain. A self that seemed calm, despite having suffered a lot. Nier looked at the woman again.
"In all the timelines... in all the possibilities... only you have the power to return to your desired family," she replied, while continuing to look at him. "In some timelines, you've been a father to Yonah, rather than a brother. In others, you've managed to keep your sister alive long enough before the black scrawl killed you completely. In others, she didn't last long, leaving you in a pit of bitterness and pain. In others, you've sacrificed yourself for Kainé, but she didn't remember you so she could save you. Yet this singularity is happening. Something that is both wonderful, and strange. It's fascinating to record."
"..."
"Only you have the power to decide, Nier. Only you."
Nier let out a breath, as if the decision he was about to make was difficult. Did he really want to go back?
Oh, he really wanted to come back. "...I see I have no other choice, then."
"Very well." The woman smiled, as she nodded.
"...Thank you, Accord."
The woman shakes her head. "Thank him." Nier turned around, seeing a sixteen-year-old me, at that moment when he felt so lost, right after the battle against Jack of Hearts. They both gave each other a slight smile, before disappearing.
Nier took a breath, feeling like he was sixteen again. Tears fell from his cheeks, perhaps for no particular reason. "Kaine!" he yelled“Stop! Don't do it!"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Nier laughed as he heard Kainé again after so long .“I've already made up my mind! Nobody tells me what to do! I swear I would be a sword! I swore it would be YOUR sword! "Do you hear me?!" Nier closed his eyes “So I'm going to bring you back, and I don't care what it takes! Who the FUCK do you think you are to just up and dissapear like that? Huh? I'M the one who gets to decide what my life means to me! It's MY life and I'll do whatever I want with it! So quit wasting time like a brainless fuckwit and GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW!"
It was then that everything turned black again, to be reincarnated by a singular desire.