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Daniel shut the door very slowly, as if stalling its close would stall the inevitable fallout. He could feel Lou’s discontent radiating out of the kitchen, through the living room, all the way down the hall to him. A dish clattered hard in the sink. Daniel winced.
It had been going so well too. They’d had Daniel’s daughters over for an early Christmas celebration since they’d be with Alice’s family on the actual day. It was the first holiday his kids had agreed to spend with him since he’d gotten remarried. Lou had been excited. She’d spent all day yesterday cooking a delicious spread of southern holiday staples. She’d made the apartment look perfect—warm and inviting and sweet smelling with candles, pillows piled lushly on the couches, blankets everywhere you turned. Lou had been charm itself. Even his extremely cagey daughters had been disarmed by her warmth, her hospitality, her easy smiles, and her engaging conversation. They’d loved the food and the gifts Lou had dragged Daniel through what must’ve been forty stores to pick out.
Then it happened. It hadn’t been that bad in the grand scheme of things. No shouting matches, no storming out, no name calling. Daniel would’ve lost it if one of his daughters actually yelled at Lou. But the subtleness of the moment almost made it worse. They hadn’t been angry, just disappointed.
“This place is so beautiful,” Kate had said, looking around as they sipped their after-dinner coffee. Lou was a big proponent of a warm beverage after a meal.
“Didn’t use to be,” Daniel said, “It’s all Lou.” He looked over at her, and she beamed. His heart had skipped a beat.
“Wow, how long did it take to renovate? Did you just buy it?” Kate asked.
“God no,” Daniel snorted, “Lou’s been on my ass to fix up this place for years.”
It took Daniel a moment to understand his error. Years. He and Lou had only been married for about a year. The year before that had been the divorce. The year before that, he’d been married to Alice. It was a reminder that Daniel had been a cheater and Lou had been his mistress. Lou had moved the conversation briskly along to talk of Leo’s dorm room decorations, but it was too late. The mood had been thoroughly killed. The girls left soon after.
Daniel slowly approached the kitchen. Lou was furiously scrubbing a baking dish. She didn’t even have her gloves on to protect her manicure.
“Baby,” he said slowly, not sure where he was going with this. "Uh…are you…”
Lou looked up, “You don’t have to talk to me like I have a gun in my hand, Daniel. I’m not angry.”
Daniel hesitated, “You’re not?”
“No,” Lou sighed and threw down the sponge, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Daniel frowned, “I didn’t?”
Lou shot him a look.
“I’m not trying to be funny,” Daniel raised his hands, “I thought I said too much. Killed the vibe.”
Lou shrugged, rinsing her hands off, “You told the truth.”
“Yeah, but…” Daniel didn’t know why he was arguing. He didn’t want her to be mad at him. He’d spent years writing about the complexity of human relationships and the impossibility of true fulfillment only to meet Lou and have all his philosophizing chucked in favor of the corny but ultimately true maxim—happy wife happy life.
But he felt like he needed to be sure. “You’re not mad?”
Lou sighed, “No. I’m not mad.”
Okay. Good. That was a relief.
“I’m just…”
Damn.
“I just got my hopes up is all,” she said, drying her hands off, “That I could bridge that gap with your girls. But I’m always gonna be the woman who broke up their family.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, that’s on me, and they know that,” Daniel said, walking around the counter, “And they blame me, believe me.”
“I don’t want anyone to be blamed,” Lou said, setting the towel aside, “I wanna move past it. Become family one day.”
Daniel must’ve made a face, because Lou sighed and turned away, “I know. It’s ridiculous, it will never happen, etcetera.”
“I didn’t say that,” Daniel reached for her, “Hey, I didn’t say that. If anyone can bridge that gap it’s you. You’re the most charming woman on the planet.”
“Stop,” Lou said, rolling her eyes even as she let Daniel turn her back toward him and tug her closer.
“I’m serious,” Daniel said, “With enough Lou exposure anyone will fall in love.”
“You make me sound like covid,” Lou said.
“Exactly. Covid but good. Covid but really sexy.”
“This metaphor is ass,” Lou said.
Daniel laughed. Lou smiled reluctantly.
“Don’t be sad,” Daniel said, nuzzling his nose against her cheek, “Tonight wasn’t a total loss. We made major inroads.”
“You think?” Lou asked, looping her arms around Daniel’s neck. She really wasn’t mad. Daniel never got physical affection when she was mad, not even a peck on the cheek.
“Absolutely,” he nodded, “I didn’t get yelled at once.”
“Well that is progress,” Lou said, tugging him closer. Not mad at all.
Daniel had spent the past several years studying Lou’s moods. There had been a lot of new data to sift through after they got married. Wife Lou was a very different woman to fiancé Lou and drastically different to sugar baby Lou. Not that they fucked any less, they just fucked differently. Everything had shifted after they got married, and, much to Daniel’s surprise, things had gotten easier. It was true Wife Lou had very high expectations, and the consequences of failing to meet them could be pretty fucking dire, but at least Daniel always knew where he stood. Before, when he’d been paying for it, he’d been forced to wonder whether or not she was as happy with him as she seemed. It was a relief not to have to wonder anymore. It was a relief to know exactly what it took to please her.
The guys from the office mocked him relentlessly, had come up with a truly impressive amount of synonyms for pussy whipped, were constantly ribbing him about his new and pressing need to get home on time, or the fact that he’d stopped drinking at lunch, or the marked improvements in his wardrobe. They kept trying to get him to admit that married life with a drop-dead gorgeous twenty-something wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. But underlying all their playful jabs was a question—was it worth it? Leaving your wife, breaking up your family, blowing up your life—was it worth it? And if they’d ever come out and asked, Daniel would've said fuck yes it was worth it, but they definitely shouldn’t follow in his footsteps. Lou made it worth it, and there was no other woman like her.
“It does get me thinking though,” Lou said, fingers kneading his shoulders, “Bout how I want some girls of my own.”
Daniel froze. Lou kept on rubbing at him and murmured, “Unless you want a boy too. Then we could have one of each.”
Fuck. Okay. Fuck.
They talked about having kids after they’d gotten engaged, and yeah, Daniel had been enthusiastic in his desire for more kids, for kids with Lou, but frankly, she could’ve gotten him enthusiastic about high treason. He would’ve said anything not to blow the engagement.
Not that it had been a lie, he wanted to give her kids. But they’d only been married a year. A fast year.
But Daniel wasn’t getting any younger.
But he’d only had a year with her on their own, and well, he liked having her full attention. Fucking loved it actually, couldn’t remember how he lived without it. Sometimes he’d remember he used to share her attention with other men and become sick with retroactive jealousy. It took some effort to shove it aside, but if he ever let it show Lou would ream out for hypocrisy, and he knew intellectually that it didn’t matter. She was his now. He was hers and she was his.
Lou would approach motherhood with the same single-minded devotion she approached marriage. Maybe more. A kid would send her already overdeveloped caretaking instincts into overdrive. Daniel wouldn’t have her full attention. He’d be lucky if he got half of it. He wanted to make her happy, but he just wanted more time.
Plus daily sex would go out of the window the second a kid was in the picture.
“Uh,” Daniel cleared his throat, “Do you think it’s the right time?”
Lou stopped rubbing his shoulders. Fuck. Daniel watched her face, expecting to see her eyes light up in smoldering anger.
But Lou smiled softly. “Maybe. But we don’t have to talk about it tonight, I can see how tired this has made you.”
Daniel blinked, “Oh. Okay, if you—”
Lou leaned up and kissed him, “Why don’t you go finish the dishes?” She said, patting him on the shoulder, turning, and heading for the bedroom.
“Okay,” Daniel said, though she’d already left.
Buying Lou Christmas presents was nerve-wracking. She had extremely particular tastes and opinions on shit Daniel had never thought about in his life, like natural versus synthetic fibers and handmade versus machine-made lace. He offered just to take her shopping and buy her whatever she wanted, but she’d just wrinkled her nose and said that wasn’t very festive now, was it?
“But what if you don’t like what I get you?”
“It’s the thought that counts honey,” Lou said absentmindedly, turning the page in her book.
Daniel scoffed. Lou looked up. “What did that noise mean?”
“It meant you're full of shit,” Daniel said, “If I screw this up? Our first Christmas? I’ll be in the doghouse til I’m dead.”
“You really think I’m that shallow?” Lou asked.
“No,” Daniel said, “I think you read into shit. I think if I don’t get you something that speaks to your soul you’ll decide I don’t really love you or something else insane.”
Lou raised her brows, “Speak to my soul?”
“Yeah,” Daniel said, “You are wildly sentimental.”
Lou smiled. “Seems like you know me pretty well.”
“Like the back of my hand, baby.”
“So it should be easy for you to know what I would like?” Lou tilted her head, “Shouldn’t it?”
“I know you,” Daniel said, “I don’t know the difference between cashmere and mohair or what makes you change your perfumes every season or what any of the shit you put on your face is.”
“So you do think I’m shallow,” Lou shook her head, “You think I only want clothes and makeup? Not books or art or travel experiences—“
“Please, I would never dare to buy you art after the shit you said about my, and I quote, ‘lacking taste level.’ And you don’t trust me to plan a trip to the grocery store.”
“Poor Danny,” Lou shook her head mournfully, “His wife is such a persnickety bitch. He tries so hard to please her and she’s never satisfied.”
“Hey, I satisfy you plenty,” Daniel said.
Lou smiled. She tossed her book aside, “You know, I could just tell you what I want.”
Daniel’s brows shot up. “Really?”
Lou stood and walked across the living room toward him. “Uh-huh.” She reached down and took Daniel’s own book off his lap, tossing it to the floor.
“Okay,” Daniel said slowly, automatically shifting his legs to make it easier for her to sit on his lap. “Is this a trick?”
“Now why would it be a trick?” Lou lowered herself down, perching on one of his knees.
“I don’t know. Seems too easy. You usually like to make me work for it,” Daniel said, hands automatically rising to grip her waist.
“Not this time. I’ll tell you exactly what I want,” Lou said.
“Okay,” Daniel said, tugging her closer, “Go ahead then, tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”
Lou wrinkled her nose, “Ew.”
“Hey, you’re the one who sat in my lap.”
“You’re the one who wanted me to,” Lou shifted, ass settling more firmly on Daniel’s thigh.
“Damn straight,” Daniel said, hand drifting down her back, “Now tell me what your little heart desires.”
“Alright. I want that real good-smelling candle from that boutique we went to last month.”
“Okay,” Daniel should really write this down, but he certainly wasn’t gonna kick her off his lap to grab his phone. “What else?”
“Ummm,” she looked up, thinking, “That Taschen book on folk art I showed you.”
“Uh-huh.”
“A new bathrobe. That lavender room spray. Some cashmere socks.”
“Room spray and socks,” Daniel said, “Really? Got anything sexy you want me to give you?”
“You mean give you,” Lou poked him hard in the shoulder.
“Ow. I mean give us baby. Give us.”
“Uh-huh,” Lou said, skeptical for a moment before her expression turned thoughtful. “But now that you mention it…”
“Yeah?”
“Hmm. Never mind it’s really expensive,” Lou shook her head.
“What it is?” Daniel asked, “And how expensive?”
“It’s just this corset that would make my formal dresses look amazing,” Lou said, “But I’m telling you it’s too much. Thousands.”
“But you want it?” Daniel prodded. Lou nodded.
“Then it’s yours,” Daniel said, knowing he’d probably live to regret it, or his accountant would, and not caring. “Send me the link.”
“Really? That easy?” Lou asked.
“That easy,” Daniel nodded.
“You not gon make fun of me when you see me in it, talk about how I’m shopping you out of house and home?”
“Of course not,” Daniel said, “I’ll talk about how hot my wife looks in the gift I bought her.”
“Okay,” Lou smiled, “I’ll send you the link then.”
“Good,” Daniel nodded. He could feel his husband stocks rising.
Lou laughed, “You should see your face,” she said, running her hands up his arms, squeezing his shoulders, “You just love it when I let you play big daddy, don’t you?”
Fuck. She hardly called him that anymore, these days he was Danny and honey and sweetie and good boy and he wasn’t complaining at all, but still, there was something about that word in Lou’s voice, all twangy and sweet and—
“Wait. Let me?”
“Yeah. Let you.” Lou shifted, using Daniel’s shoulders for balance as she straddled his lap. He suppressed a shudder when she settled down against him, the warm juncture between her legs settling on his dick.
“Feels like old times, don’t it?” Lou said, shifting slightly, lopping her arms around his neck again. She pitched her voice high and sweet, “I’m just a poor little girl who needs a big strong daddy to provide.”
His dick twitched, and by the gleeful look on her face she felt it. Daniel cleared his throat. “Well to be fair you were, and I did.”
A bigger smile split Lou’s face now, “Oh really?”
“You don’t think so?” Daniel asked, sliding one hand down from her waist to her ass, gripping a cheek firmly and drawing her closer so he could feel her clit against his dick.
Lou’s voice came out gratifyingly breathy. “I think I could just as easily say I provided for myself by bagging you.”
“Oh, I was a mark, is that all?” She was fucking with him. If Lou didn’t mock him once a day she’d pass out.
“Maybe,” Lou leaned forward, lips near his ear, “Maybe I was a con artist all along.”
“Then it’s a hell of a long con you're running baby,” Daniel said.
“The longest,” Lou said, “In fact, I think I’ll keep it up forever.”
“Fine by me,” Daniel said, slipping his hand around her pretty neck and tugging her down for a kiss. She made one of those happy little purring noises that went straight to his dick.
He got his other hand on her ass, kneading the flesh through the soft cotton of her skirt, and for a moment she let him feel her up, breath quick against his face as he rocked them together. She let out a little sigh.
“That feel good?” Daniel asked sliding his hand under the fabric, fingers brushing against the lace trim of her panties.
“Uh-huh,” she breathed, eyes fluttering shut. She was working her hips in those delicious little forward rolls, grinding her little clit against him all eager.
“Look at you,” Daniel breathed, shoving his hand down the waistband of her panties, “All worked up and I haven’t even touched your pussy yet.”
Lou stopped moving. Him and his big mouth.
She grabbed his hand, stopping his progress toward her hole. Daniel groaned.
“I thought you wanted to hear what I wanted for Christmas,” Lou said, faux scandalized, tugging his hand away, “What kind of Santa are you?”
“The bad kind,” Daniel said, trying to rub his now fully hard dick against her clit again, but she scooted back.
“Listen,” she commanded, “I’m not done. I gotta long list.”
“You know you're more likely to get what you want if you let me get what I want first,” Daniel said, hands going to her thighs instead, loving the way the flesh swelled between his fingers when he gripped tight.
Lou narrowed her eyes, a smile still hovering around her mouth. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
Before Daniel could ask what the hell that meant Lou swung her leg up and pulled away, going from straddling him back to sitting primly on his knee.
“I haven’t even mentioned the most important thing I want,” Lou said.
“Okay,” Daniel said, trying not to sound too frustrated.
“I already told you what it was, actually,” Lou said, smoothing down her skirt.
Fuck, she did?
“You did?” Daniel asked. Should he have bought it already?
“Uh-huh, I told you a long time ago,” Lou braced a hand on his shoulder and leaned in like she was about to whisper a secret, “I want a baby.”
Right. Fuck. Okay. Fuck.
“I don’t think I can get an infant shipped here by Christmas,” Daniel said, trying to keep his voice light.
Lou pouted, “But I thought I could have anything I want.”
Okay, so she was continuing to joke. Good?
“You’re right,” Daniel nodded, “I’ll steal one. Surely not all the babies in the hospital are wanted.”
Lou’s hand slipped down his shoulder onto his chest, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. “How do you wanna do it though?”
Her voice had gone soft. She was serious.
“I was thinking we go through foster care,” Lou said, “It will take a long time, but it seems like the most ethical option.”
Fuck. She was incredibly serious.
Her hand stopped smoothing over his chest.
“What?” She demanded, “Why are you making that face?”
“What face?”
Lou snatched her hand away, “What face? You look scared shitless.”
“Lou—“
“The fuck you mean what face?” Lou tried to stand angrily, but Daniel caught her by the waist and tugged her back down.
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Daniel tried to sound calm. Thirty seconds ago he’d been about to get pussy and now he was doing large-scale damage control. “I’m not scared, not at all. Maybe a little overwhelmed—“
“Overwhelmed for what? Let go of me!”
“Just listen,” Daniel said, “A new baby is just a lot to think about—“
“Why haven’t you already been thinking about it?” Lou shot to her feet and out of Daniel’s arms, “You know I want kids! You said you wanted more kids!”
“And I do,” Daniel reached for her, “I do. I promise I do.”
Lou narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, but she still let Daniel coax her closer. “Then what the fuck was that face for?”
“I was overwhelmed, like I said. I still have trouble believing you married me and now we’re talking about having a baby,” Daniel said.
Lou’s expression softened slightly. Right thing to say.
“I’m just really happy right now,” Daniel said, managing to draw Lou back down into his lap, “Happier than I’ve ever been. I don’t wanna rush it.”
“Well, I’m happy too,” Lou said, “But with a baby we’d just be even more happy.”
She sounded so sweet Daniel wanted to give in, but he was just getting the hang of making Wife Lou happy, and just beginning to reap the rewards. What about Wife and Mother Lou? How much harder would she be to please? And what about the damn kid? He’d only just gotten the ones he already had to speak to him again.
“You’re making that face again,” Lou said, shifting away.
“Stop,” Daniel reached for her again. Lou was so much easier to calm down if you got your hands on her, touched her softly. Get her body pliable and her mind followed. He rubbed his hands up her arms. “I just feel like I haven’t had enough time alone with you.”
Lou tilted her head and looked at Daniel, eyes narrowed. Not exactly angry, but observant.
“Oh,” she nodded slowly, “You wanna be my only baby, is that it?”
Daniel blinked. “What?”
“Yeah, that’s it,” Lou nodded, “If I’m taking care of my little baby how am I gonna have time to take care of my big one?”
Daniel banded an arm around her waist. “Didn’t we just establish I’m the one taking care of you?”
Lou carried on as if he hadn’t spoken, “I knew you were the jealous type, but of your own baby, really Danny?”
“Baby, you’re the baby in this relationship,” Daniel pulled her back against his chest.
“Keep telling yourself that honey,” Lou said.
“I don’t have to tell myself shit,” Daniel said, “The proof is in the bank statements.”
Lou’s brows shot up, “Oh really?”
“Yeah,” Daniel nuzzled his nose behind her ear, “And in your extensive wardrobe and frequent spa visits and soft little hands.”
“So that’s how it is?” Lou sounded amused, “You’re the big man and I’m the little woman you keep at home?”
“You said it, not me,” Daniel said, pressing his lips to her jaw.
Lou’s aforementioned little hand snatched the hair at the nape of Daniel’s neck, hard.
“I don’t think a big man would be scared of a little baby,” Lou said, tilting Daniel’s head back sharply, “Do you?”
Daniel tried to tug his head away, but her grip tightened. “It’s not about being fucking scared, it’s—”
“You worried mommy isn’t gonna have time for you anymore?” Lou crooned.
Daniel glared. “Real funny.”’
“You worried I’ll neglect you?” Lou’s other hand cupped Daniel’s chin, “That I’ll leave you all alone and uncared for?”
“This is your plan huh?” Daniel said flatly, “Try to make me feel like less of a man for not giving you a kid?”
“I don’t have to try,” Lou said, releasing Daniel’s hair, “You will be less of a man. A man keeps his promises to his wife.”
“Lou—”
“A man hears his wife say ‘give me a baby’ and fucking does it, and is happy about it!”
“And I fucking will,” Daniel snapped, “I just don’t think we’re ready right now, Jesus. Stop throwing a fucking fit and hear me out.”
Lou shot to her feet, “Fuck you,” she spat taking off for the bedroom.
“Lou! Come back here,” Daniel stood up and followed her, “Lou!”
She was fucking impossible to talk to like this, like arguing with a brick wall who was also a prosecutor. No one had ever thrown Daniel so much or pissed him off so bad.
Lou didn’t turn around. When she got to the bedroom she tried to slam the door in his face. He smacked his palm against it, keeping it open.
“You think acting like a brat is gonna convince me we should have a baby?” Daniel said.
“Fuck you!”
“You said that already.”
“You promised me, Daniel!” She yelled, “You promised me we would have a family!”
“And we will!” God would she just fucking listen.
Lou started to pace angrily, “I fucking hate when you do this shit. Act like I’m crazy.”
“Well, I don’t love when you act like this either.”
“I’m only acting like this because—”
“Because you didn’t get exactly what you wanted exactly when you wanted it,” Daniel stepped toward Lou, “I know you think you know everything but in you’re in your fucking twenties.”
“Oh please!”
“I’m the only one in this marriage who actually knows what it takes to raise kids—”
“Yeah and you’re a real expert,” Lou said, bitingly sarcastic.
Daniel stilled. “Wow.”
Lou crossed her arms stubbornly, which meant she was going to refuse to apologize for that remark.
“Well if I’m such a shit father why do you want to have kids with me anyway?” Daniel asked. “Huh?”
Lou huffed. “I didn’t say—”
“Or is the plan to get the kid and then divorce me so I’m on the hook for child support?”
Lou’s face went hard. She hated when he brought up divorce even as a joke, which is why Daniel said it.
“How does baptism for children of divorce work?” Daniel said, “Do you think the priest would allow sinners like us in church?”
“Shut up,” Lou said, jaw tight.
“Will we be able to get Junior into a good Catholic school? I’m sure admissions boards frown on divorcees.”
Lou came at him, “I said shut up. ”
“What? You gonna hit me? We’re not even fucking baby.”
Lou got in his face.
“You promised me,” she said, trying to yell. But unexpectedly, her voice cracked, and so did the hard mask of her face, “You promised me.” Then those big brown eyes of hers went from bright with anger to bright with tears.
“No, no, no,” Daniel shook his head rapidly. “This isn’t fair Lou, you’re playing dirty.” She knew he absolutely could not handle it when she cried.
“You promised me,” she said, “And I was so excited to finally bring it up and talk all about it, but now we’re fighting—”
Her voice broke again. Absolutely unfair.
“Don’t cry,” Daniel said, trying to sound stern, but it just came out pleading. Lou crying was just too heartbreaking, like a shivering kitten in an ASPCA commercial.
“I didn’t wanna fight about it,” Lou sniffed, turning away, “I wanted it to be a happy conversation. I wanted you to be happy but…” Tears fell down her cheeks.
“Oh fuck you,” Daniel said.
Lou shook her head like his vulgarity couldn’t even be acknowledged. She walked toward the window, arms wrapped around her middle.
Daniel stood there fuming. It was simply unjust that she had the trump card like this. All arguments must cease until Lou stops crying. Even crocodile tears rendered Daniel incapable of fighting back.
Her shoulders were shaking a little. Maybe these weren’t crocodile tears. Maybe he’d really upset her. His heart thudded painfully. Goddammit. He stalked over to her.
“C’mere,” he said gruffly, pulling her against him tight, just like she knew he would. A bittersweet ache filled him when she went up on her toes to cling to his neck, letting out a shaky breath. A few soft sobs shook her, her tears wetting his t-shirt.
“Shhh,” Daniel rubbed his hands down her back, “Please stop crying. You manipulative bitch.”
“Shut up,” Lou choked out, “Hug me tighter.”
Daniel obeyed, still rubbing her back with one hand. She nuzzled her nose into Daniel’s neck.
After a minute the crying started to peter out, but Lou didn’t let go. “Take me to bed.”
Daniel lifted her off her feet and shuffled them over to the mattress, setting Lou down. Before he could follow her she yanked him hard by the shoulders, pushing and pulling him until he was where she wanted him, straddling his hips and burying her head in his chest.
“Rub my back,” she demanded.
“And you claim you're not a baby.”
“Just do it.”
Daniel did it. She snuggled in, gave a frustrated grumble. “Shirt off.”
“And how exactly am I supposed to do that with you planking on top of me?”
“Figure it out.”
Lou yelped when Daniel tossed her to the side, sitting up to tug his shirt free and throwing it on the floor.
“You’re on thin fucking ice, Molloy,” Lou said, glaring at him.
“Yeah yeah,” Daniel picked her back up and settled her against him, “I think they call this skin-to-skin.”
“I genuinely do not like you,” Lou said, the irritation in her voice blunted by the sigh she let out, by the way her body melted into his.
Daniel rubbed her back, felt her breath deepen and even, felt the slight dampness left on her cheeks against his skin.
He was gonna give her what she wanted. All he was doing now was stalling, because he was selfish, because he was daunted, because he’d screwed up parenthood the first time, because he didn’t want any more ways to disappoint Lou. This past year with her had been the happiest of his life, and he didn’t want to do one single thing to upset the balance. But the balance was already upset. He’d told Lou no.
He’d told Lou no.
Not outright, but he’d wanted to wait, for what exactly he failed to articulate to her satisfaction.
It wasn’t that Daniel never said no to her. They didn’t have the cartoonishly unbalanced relationship people seem to believe they did. Every time Lily missed her train she asked Lou to get Daniel to buy her a car.
“What was the point of marrying Mr. Money Bags if you can’t buy your girl a Porsche or three?” She whined.
“He’s a writer, he doesn’t own oil fields,” Lou said, “And I married him to marry him.”
“Sure,” Lily rolled her eyes, “And I eat vegetables 'cause I love the taste.”
Lily was mostly joking. She’d often remarked on Lou’s newfound contentment, her ease, had stopped expressing surprise when Lou didn’t want to go out some weekends and would rather stay home with her “old man.” But still, she was only mostly joking. Lily would come around eventually, but Lou knew that, for the rest of their lives, she’d have to deal with people looking down on her marriage, thinking she was only in it for the money.
It grated. It didn’t square with the image of family she had in her mind. That image was thoroughly respectable. She and her man and their babies, well fed, well dressed, well loved. Picnics in the park, family pictures lining the mantle, attending church on Easter and Christmas.
She’d been thinking about kids a lot lately. That never-dormant itch was now distractingly persistent. She’d done it. Somehow, she’d done it. If she could go back in time and tell little Lou that not only would she grow up to be a beautiful woman, but she’d be a woman with a career and a home and a husband who loved her, little Lou would’ve passed out.
The picture was almost complete, with one glaring exception. It made Lou antsy, made her stomach twist with desire.
And Daniel had said no.
And despite what Daniel thought Lou could hear no and be fine. He said no when she’d suggested Paris for their spring vacation and Lou had agreed, temporarily accepting his hatred of the French as reason enough not to travel there. He said no when she suggested they move out of Brooklyn, and she’d been fine with that too, not even pointing out he’d been born in California when he said “I was born in this borough and I’ll die in this borough.” He said no when Lou asked if she’d look pretty with a shaved head, then immediately backtracked and said she’d be gorgeous no matter what but please please don’t do it. All of this Lou had been fine with.
And the first time Daniel tried to put off the conversation, Lou had let him, thinking the debacle with his daughters was making him wary of the discussion. But no! He actually wanted to wait. That she was not okay with. That frustrated her beyond measure.
“I want our baby to be black too,” Lou said. It was late morning on Christmas Eve. She was dragging Daniel to three holiday parties tonight, so she was indulging in his desire to laze in bed together this morning.
“You can have any color baby you want,” Daniel said sleepily, “In a few years.”
Lou’s jaw tightened. He was being so fucking flippant about it all, like she was being silly for wanting what he’d promised her. She lifted her head from his shoulder and glared at him. “You can’t even let me daydream in peace?”
“No,” Daniel said, “You would take that as tacit agreement.”
She would. Lou glared at him some more.
“Do you think I’d make a bad mom? Is that it?” She said it like she was joking, but she wasn’t really. They were married, Lou and Daniel, really married, in that unshakeable way Lou had always craved. Or at least Lou thought so. Maybe Daniel didn’t think so, maybe he wasn’t taking this seriously. He wasn’t acting like he was taking it seriously. She knew he loved her, but he also thought she was impulsive and emotional and irrational. He could be so smugly “logical,” acted like Lou’s problem wasn’t that she disagreed with him, but that she just wasn’t seeing clearly. He was acting like her wanting a baby right now was just another one of her “whims” like when she made them go apple picking or retiled the bathroom.
“Stop,” Daniel said, rolling his eyes, “You know I think you’d make an incredible mother.”
“Then make me a mother,” Lou said, pushing up on her arms, “If you’d think I’d be so good at it.”
“I will,” Daniel sighed, exasperated, “When we’re ready.”
“Why do you get to decide when we’re ready?” Lou threw a leg over him, straddling his thighs.
“Cause you decide everything else,” Daniel yawned again, tugging at Lou’s arms, “C’mere.”
Lou stayed stubbornly upright, sitting on his knees, “This should be a joint decision.”
“Why are you pushing this?” Daniel asked, “You haven’t even finished your PhD.”
“Because I’m ready,” Lou said, “I want this. I don’t need to explain the human desire for offspring to you.”
“No,” Daniel shook his head, “This is something else. What is this actually about?”
“Don’t treat me like a subject,” she said. She hated it when he did that.
“I would never,” he said, “I don’t work on holidays.”
"Daniel—“
“Baby, it’s Christmas Eve,” he said, tugging at her arms again, “Can we just enjoy our first holiday together?”
Using her sentimentality to shut her up was so unfair. But Lou allowed herself to be moved this time, pressed up against the warm, furry expanse of his chest. Daniel’s hands shifted to rest on her waist, sliding under her tank top, calloused fingers brushing softly over her skin. She ran her fingers through his chest hair. She could feel the outline of his dick pressing against her stomach.
So much had changed after they got married. The more secure they felt with each other, the more intimate and complex their relationship became. Lou had never been seen so clearly. It was thrilling and challenging and comfortable.
But maybe Daniel had gotten too fucking comfortable.
“You know,” Lou faked a yawn, “I don’t think I should let you have any pussy until you’re ready for a baby.”
Daniel went still beneath her. His hands stopped stroking her back.
“Really?” He asked, too casual to be believed.
“Mmhmm. As you pointed out I am Catholic, and we only have sex to conceive.”
Daniel was quiet for a moment, but then his hands resumed their motion, “That threat would worry me more if I didn’t know how badly you need to get fucked.”
He sounded entirely too sure about that.
Lou lifted her head to glare at him. “I can fuck myself.”
Daniel laughed. “Baby, you need cock like you need air,” He slipped a hand under her panties, between her ass cheeks, brushed a finger against her hole, “I’ve felt how greedy this little pussy is, remember?”
Daniel rubbed a little more insistently and she couldn’t help but arch into his touch. He laughed.
Sometimes she almost missed when he was nervous around her. Sure, his cockiness turned her on, but at what cost?
Lou pushed up on her forearms, “Maybe I’ll just use your dick until I come then leave you to finish yourself off.”
“Why would you wanna do a thing like that?” Daniel asked, rubbing lazy circles around her hole, “You want a baby, don’t you? I gotta finish inside. Deep inside.”
That made her pussy flutter against his fingers. Clearly, he felt it, cause his smile widened. He was getting hard against Lou’s stomach. She’d be ignoring that.
“Then maybe I just won’t let you come at all,” Lou said, raising her chin, “Make you save it for this illusive right time.”
“Nah,” Daniel shook his head, “Your wifely powers are going to your head.”
“Please. If I wanted to lock up your dick and throw away the key you’d let me.”
Daniel raised his brows. “Would I?”
Lou raised her brow right back. “Wouldn’t you?”
Daniel rolled his eyes. He would. Lou felt a little thrill of power go through her.
“I mean,” she reached down and tugged off her tank top, “I thought we both agreed that I own you. You’re mine, your dick is mine, your come is mine.”
Daniel started to look significantly less cocky, mouth opening, eyes glazing as they locked on her tits. He was fully hard, pressing insistently on her inner thigh. She resisted the urge to grind against it.
“It’s all yours baby,” Daniel said, voice hoarse. “All yours.”
Fuck yeah, it was. Lou couldn’t resist rolling her hips just a little then, feeling that heavy hot length glide against her, “So if I want you to knock me up that’s really my call, ain’t it?”
Daniel's dick twitched. He liked that.
Lou swung her leg over and climbed off the bed.
“Where are you going?” Daniel sat up urgently. She ignored him.
“I made you my man, and you didn’t really have a choice in the matter,” Lou opened the nightstand drawer and picked up the bottle of lube. “So why should I let you choose this?”
She walked back over to the bed. He reached out to take the lube from her.
“Nuh-uh,” she snatched the bottle out of reach, “Pussy is for good boys who do as they’re told.”
She shimmied her panties down her hips before climbing back onto the bed. Daniel’s dick was tenting his boxers obscenely. There was a damp patch forming where the head of his cock met the fabric. Lou’s gut clenched, but she resolutely looked away.
“I think I’ll just take care of myself,” Lou said with all the nonchalance she could muster, pumping out some lube and spreading it between her fingers, “Since you’ve proven yourself useless.”
Daniel was staring at her, eyes bright, face flushed, chest heaving.
“Is that really how you wanna play this?” Daniel asked, voice rough.
“Play what?” Lou asked, reaching behind her, grabbing one of her ass cheeks in one hand, and sliding the other down to press against her hole. Her fingers were entirely too small.
“Play sex chicken to get your way. Really?” He was glaring now, “It’s fucking immature.”
Lou let out an exaggerated sigh of relief as she slipped a finger inside. “You mad Danny?”
“I’m annoyed,” Daniel said flatly. His cheeks were even redder. The tip of his cock had to be flushed deep red by now. She wasn’t gonna ask to see it. Or suck on it. “You think you can dirty talk your way into making me change our lives?”
“Why not?” Lou quirked her mouth to the side as she tried a second finger. “I’ve done it before.”
“No you haven’t,” Daniel snapped, “I fell in love with you of my own fucking free will.”
It was hard to remember why she was mad at him when he said shit like that, but she persevered.
“Then it’s just bedroom talk then,” Lou said with a shrug, “No need to get so upset about it, is there Danny?”
“You’re so full of shit,” he said, “And what are you fingering yourself open for if not my cock huh? It doesn’t take that much work to fit your skinny fingers.”
It didn’t. How infuriating.
Lou dropped her hand and glared at him. “Maybe I’ll go see the man I got on the side,” she said, taking an impulsive wild swing, “ He takes care of business for me.”
The next second Daniel was in her face, eyes hard and furious.
“Not fucking funny,” he said, biting off each word. He didn’t sound so flippant anymore. He was actually mad.
Lou felt a little lightheaded suddenly. Her fingers had been deeply inadequate.
“So only you’re allowed to make jokes?” Lou asked, voice unfortunately breathy, “You can talk about divorce all day long but if I mention letting some other man get me pregnant—“
Daniel grabbed her and put her on her back on the bed. Just like that. Tossed her down so she bounced softly against the mattress.
“Is this what you want?” Daniel asked, looming above her, gripping her knees, “You want me so angry and horny I can’t think straight? So I agree to anything?”
“Is it working?” Lou asked. She hoped it was working. She felt very empty.
Daniel yanked her legs open, then grabbed the bottle of lube, pumped too much out in a fury, “This is some juvenile bullshit. We’ve been married for a fucking year, thought we were past mind games but apparently not.”
It was funny watching him rant while he was clearly so desperate to fuck her. Her Danny could rant through anything. It filled her with an odd affection. Affection and a pressing ache.
He grabbed her hip, lubed up fingers hovering near her pussy. “Are you gonna let me touch you?”
Lou squirmed, indecisive. She hadn’t seen him quite like this before. It made her flush hot. It made her want to push him harder. But his fingers were so much bigger.
“Lou, either tell me I can touch your pussy or tell me to fuck off so I can go take the world's longest cold shower,” Daniel said.
Lou squirmed again. He was calling her bluff. It was so mean he hadn’t gotten his cock out yet.
“You can touch it but—oh.”
Two fingers knuckle deep, no preamble.
“But what?” Daniel asked, stroking deep, “Huh? You got more demands?”
Lou gasped when he crooked his fingers just right. “Fuck,” she gasped.
“What was that?” Daniel stroked the same spot again.
“Don’t be—“ Lou hiccuped as he started to scissor his fingers open, “Don’t be mean.”
“Why not?” Daniel asked, “Oh I forgot, only Princess Lou is allowed to be mean. Your loyal subjects just have to shut up and take it, don’t we?”
She should’ve easily had some smart-mouthed response to that, but then he started to stroke her clit with his other hand, holding it lightly, caressing the tip with his thumb. Her eyes squeezed shut, back arching, pressing herself against his hand. It was crushingly perfect, the rough insistent strokes deep inside her, the gentle way he worked her clit. It was amazing how good he was at that. She’d felt him get better every day, so carefully learning what she needed, filing it away in the endless vault of his brain. Every time it seemed impossible for him to figure out a new way to make her feel good he did, having noticed things she didn’t notice herself.
He started to work a third finger inside, and her whole body tensed, “Danny, it’s too—it’s too—“
“Shut up and take it, baby,” he said, groaning when all three fingers slid into the knuckle, “There you go. Take it.”
He was gonna make her come like this, which was so unfair, she hated it when he won, and she hadn’t even gotten to play with his dick.
Lou was unable to suppress the high whimpers rising from her throat. These were the consequences of letting a man know you too well, letting him get in your head. You ended up on your back with your legs spread trying to bite back pleas for his cock.
“Fuck,” Daniel cursed low, “You make the sweetest fucking sounds baby.”
Lou opened her eyes. Daniel didn’t look angry anymore, he looked awed, staring down at her face, studying her expression, ceaseless even now in efforts to learn how to please her.
He loved her so much. More than she deserved.
Her voice came out in a whine. “Danny, Danny, I—”
“What baby? What do you need?”
“Put it in.”
Daniel swore low and hard. Normally he’d lube up his dick a bit more before putting it in but today he didn’t seem to remember, immediately shoving her thighs up, eyes greedy on her hole as he lined himself up. She inhaled when the tip started to breach her. “Come on,” she urged, “Gimme more, come on.”
But Daniel didn’t move, eyes screwed tight, hands gripping her knees. “Fuck.” He pressed forward slowly, too slowly.
“Danny.”
“Can you be quiet for one fucking second?” He ground out, inching in a little farther. “Just let me—fuck.”
Lou squirmed, stretched wide but only half full, heart beating quick at the heat in his voice. “You’re—you’re being mean again.”
Daniel’s eyes flew open. “I’m being mean?” He scowled down at her, the creases between his brows furrowed deep. Lou nodded.
Daniel leaned over her and braced his arms on either side of her head, “But I thought you didn’t need it? I thought you wanted to lock it up.”
“Danny, just—“
“I thought you could get it from some other man,” Daniel said through his clenched jaw.
Lou met his eyes, which were bright with anger and possessiveness and challenge. He’d figured out a new way to make her feel good and he didn’t even know it.
“I could,” she said, breathless, “I could get it from some other man, any other man—“
Daniel pulled out in a quick, rough motion, leaving her empty, clenching down on nothing.
“Daniel,” Lou sat up urgently, “Why—what are you—“
He flipped her over, grabbed her by the hips so her face tumbled forward into the mattress, and shoved it all in in one harsh thrust. Lou’s wail sounded pathetic even to herself. He started fucking her angrily, selfishly, barely pulling out at all, driving in with deep, short strokes, just enough to make her feel it, make her whine, but not enough at all, stopping just shy of where she needed it most.
“You think you’re so fucking clever,” Daniel spoke low in her ear, “I fucking know you. I can see you getting off on fucking with me.”
Lou tried to assemble enough wits to deny it, “What do you—I—”
“You want me mad, don’t you?” Daniel demanded, “You want me to fuck you quiet.”
Lou wasn’t able to form a comeback then—he pulled out almost completely, then shoved back in with one harsh stroke, cock dragging perfectly over her sweet spot. She cried, tightening around him involuntarily.
Daniel moaned, “Oh, you fucking love this, you evil little psycho. Who cares if I have a bad day if your pussy gets wet, right?”
“No,” Lou choked out, “Not—not evil—I just—”
“What?”
“I just need it so bad,” she whimpered.
Daniel’s rhythm faltered. “Need what?”
“Wanna—wanna have your baby,” Lou said, voice barely there, eyes watering, “Need you to give it to me.” She wanted it so bad, the desire a pit deep in her stomach.
Daniel’s thrusts slowed. “Quit fucking around.”
“I’m not,” Lou said in a frustrated whine. Why wouldn’t he listen? She tried to push back on his cock, but was half crushed by Daniel’s weight, “Come on.”
“Sure you aren’t,” Daniel said, still fucking her slow, pressing her into the mattress, long strokes in and out, ignoring the impatient kicking of Lou’s feet. Anger apparently made him patient. “All you need is to get fucked and filled and you’ll be happy right?”
Distantly, Lou’s rational mind registered that as a very offensive thing to say, and she never let Daniel speak to her like that, but her rational mind was not remotely in control, so instead of setting Daniel straight she gasped and shuddered against him.
“What, you like that?” Daniel still sounded skeptical, though his voice was raspy and deep in her ear, sending tingles up her spine, “Thought I married a career woman but what you really want is to be barefoot and pregnant hmm?”
“Don’t—don’t say that,” Lou protested weakly, nails digging into the sheets, “Please just—”
“Please?” Daniel gave her one long, torturously slow stroke, “Did I just hear a please, princess?”
Lou’s chest was heaving, eyes burning, the frantic, aching desire between her legs and in her gut only building instead of being satisfied. Daniel was winning this argument. Unacceptable.
Lou sniffed, turning her head on the mattress. “Please daddy.”
Daniel froze, and for one awful second Lou thought he was gonna call her bluff again, that he was gonna pull out and leave her empty, but then she felt his hands grip tight on her hips before he rammed into her so hard the bed shook. That always worked, thank God.
“Oh god,” she gasped, hands fisting in the sheets as he rammed into her again and again, that deep, steady, just rough enough pounding he knew she needed. She tried to open for him more, arching her back and bracing her thighs wide.
“Take it,” Daniel grunted, “You want it so bad take it.”
Daniel angled her hips up higher, fingers digging deep into the fat of her hips, and her back was aching she was arching her ass up so high, face being rocked into the mattress, she could barely hear herself whimpering anymore.
“Come for me,” Daniel demanded, voice hoarse, “Show how bad you need my cock.”
He was losing his rhythm, jamming it in harsh and mean, grinding his hips up against her ass.
“Fuck daddy,” she whimpered as she tightened around him one last time, her whole body seizing in pleasure, “Come in me,” she babbled, “Please come in me daddy, I need it, please, please.”
Daniel came just as the intensity of her orgasm began to relax, sending another hot pulse of primal satisfaction through her. He groaned low and long, throbbing inside her, muscled in as deep as he could go.
After a long moment, Daniel moved to pull out. Her hand flew to his wrist.
“Don’t,” she said, “Leave it in a bit longer. So it takes.”
Daniel just groaned. He collapsed against her back, crushing her under him, heavy and sweating and breathing hard. Lou luxuriated in it, her man was spent and she was satisfied. She let out a long happy sigh.
“Good job baby,” she said, reaching back to pat his arm.
Daniel kissed the back of her neck, “Fuck you.”
Eventually, they rearranged themselves, fell into their usual after-sex position—Daniel’s head on Lou’s chest, Lou’s hand stroking through his hair.
“This argument isn’t remotely over,” Daniel grumbled, breath warm against her skin.
Lou patted Daniel on the head. “I don’t know honey. It feels pretty over to me.”