Chapter Text
“Aw well, since it’s just you at the agency and you don’t have anything better to do - you should try getting out there, dude!”
Katsuki rolled his eyes. The driver's side window was rolled down and his arm hung loosely out of it as Kaminari rattled on from his place in the backseat, where he was replacing Izuku. Mina struggled to find her seatbelt as she sank lower into the cushions next to him. Katsuki smirked as they struggled with the overly-soft upholstery. At least there was one gift from the universe to limit the amount of his nosy friends that could bother him.
However Kirishima, who still maintained his place in the passengers' seat, let out a smug chuckle to corroborate Kaminari’s jabs.
“Don’t think Bakugou’s in the mood to put himself out there for just any ol’ guy, dude.”
Katsuki's eye twitched.
This guy’s been toeing the lines of his patience since he got in the car. Izuku speaking for himself and rejecting his invitation was fine, seriously, it was fucking fine . He would have let it go, it hurt, but he’s not six years old. Yet Kirishima couldn’t help himself and pushed it, and now he was spending the night with this crackling cloud of frustration and embarrassment hovering over him. He didn’t need Hair-For-Brains speaking for him anymore tonight.
“You lot have been talking about sappy shit and dating all night, cut it out.”
Kirishima, not catching the hint, persisted.
“Don’t be like that! Kaminari’s kinda got a point? C’mon seriously, I just think–”
Before the full sentence could come out, Katsuki took a deliberately hard swerve at the turn into Kirishima’s part of the neighborhood, throwing them all into the car door. Kaminari and Mina were only slightly jostled, as the seats protected them from flying too far either which way, but Kirishima wasn’t as lucky.
“Yeep!” Kirishima yelped as his shoulder slammed onto the passenger side door.
Before anyone had a chance to recover Katsuki sped up and made the very last turn into the complex’s parking lot, slamming his foot on the brakes abruptly and throwing everyone’s body forward.
“You two,” Katsuki pointed at Kirishima, then Mina, whose feet were the only thing sticking out of the backseat, and then gestured toward Kirishima’s apartment.
“Out.”
“Wuh?” Mina mumbled in cushions.
“What? She doesn’t live here!” Kirishima flushed, “Besides Kaminari’s further out, why aren’t you dropping him off first?”
“Eh?” Mina finally managed to pull herself out and started to make her escape with an air of calm, “Bakugou told me he was droppin’ me off with you ‘cause you had a surprise for me, why are you surprised?”
Mina squinted her eyes suspiciously and Kirishima shot a pleasant smile at her and a fake one at Katsuki, barely containing his irritation.
“Oh, Bakugou, you know I wasn’t ready to show her that yet,” Kirishima grit through his teeth, playing along.
There was no surprise, really.
Or well, there could be, if Kirishima wanted there to be one. Just trying to help a friend, and luckily Kirishima’s face and tone was oh, so grateful.
“Guess the cat’s out of the bag.”
“Mm. My bad.” Katsuki grunted with a shrug, “Didn’t realize he wasn’t ready.”
“Bakugou, you ass! You spoiled it!” Mina scolded with a light slap across his head. It wasn’t done to hurt, but it almost made him turn around to bite her anyways.
“No, no it’s okay - you can come in,” Kirishima at some point had already made his way to Mina’s side of the car, opening her door and reaching his hand out.
“We’ll make the most of it.”
When Katuski peeked over his shoulder to see Mina gingerly taking his hand, he couldn’t stop his stomach from swirling. They were annoying the hell out of him, but he genuinely was glad to get these two some needed alone time.
Even so, he couldn’t help but feel a dreadful sense of calm and envy wash over him.
His mind wandered.
Katsuki thought about when he’d reached out to Izuku on his first day back on the field with the new hero suit.
That day, Katsuki’s heart had felt lighter knowing Izuku was back chasing his dream, their shared dream. Izuku had never been quite the same after the war, and especially not after One-For-All faded. Their meetings with All Might wavered, and even if on the surface most of Izuku’s habits remained intact, Katsuki could see the truth underneath.
He was… subdued.
Sure. Maybe he still muttered to himself, maybe he was still geeking out over quirks and heroes, and maybe he even still kept up with his notebook…he still did all those normal, irritating things and his friends didn’t notice the shift.
But Katsuki did, and it was all so uncomfortably and hauntingly subdued.
The change had been upsettingly accompanied with this wiry, glassy and fake smile and everytime Katstuki looked at him, the stress of it would always set his heart monitor off ever so slightly. His doctor told him to stay calm, but fear about Izuku’s emotional state was making it impossible.
And so, Katsuki’s goal had been simple:
Even if the embers of One-For-All faded, he’d make sure Izuku’s flame never died out.
In the end it’d be a win-win. If he could retain Izuku’s spirit, then Katsuki’s heart rate could stay level as he absorbed himself in this effort with his signature single-minded tenacity.
Yeah, it was all he could do and think about.
For the past 8 years he’d kept close track of his friend. Taking him to work, inviting him to events, making himself expendable at all hours. Then, when he wasn’t with Izuku, he was organizing, plotting, and detailing all the necessary pieces for this hero suit. Keeping tab of every dollar, every improvement, and maintaining communication among all the involved parties to the very last minute. Keeping himself orbited around Izuku was comforting, and his recovery definitely benefited from it. Even when his friends worried about all his effort, the truth was that the anxiety of sitting still would have exacerbated the problem of his heart.
It was all overwhelmingly fulfilling, and he wouldn’t change a minute.
So, by the time it had all completed, and Izuku’s first day arrived, Katsuki had reached out. He was excited, and he couldn’t help himself but feel the beginning of a smile creep on his face…
But with one look at Izuku's face, his heart dropped along with the smile working its way onto his lips.
That same distant, far away look in Izuku’s eyes remained.
And to make matters worse, he didn’t seem to see Katsuki hand reaching out as an invitation.
“I’m coming, Kacchan!” For a moment, a hint of fondness creeped into his eyes, which had dissuaded some of Katsuki’s anxiety.
But it spiked again just as quickly as it came when Izuku burst past him, ignoring his hand.
“Race ya!”
At the time, Katsuki could turn the switch. Izuku’s still competitive, he’s still trying to surpass him…it’s going to be okay. So when the rest of the class joined in on the race, the smile remained.
Until now, a month later.
The guy was still at it. Everything’s bubbling under the surface and coming out as this weird, dumb, oblivious act. It’s giving his skin that familiar itch from when they were kids, that feeling of not knowing what he’s thinking or feeling.
But the worst part is this time, he does .
And he’s not sure what he can do about it.
All he does know right now is that watching Kirishima and Mina walk hand-in-hand back to his apartment is starting to make his head hurt.
“Hey Kacchan, you done staring?”
Katsuki jumped at the sound of Kaminari’s voice being significantly closer. He’d moved from the back seat to sit shotgun in Kirishima’s place. Usually he didn’t care for him using the nickname, but he was on a hot wire.
“Watch it.” Katsuki growled, putting the car in reverse as he got ready to leave and get Kaminari home.
“Look, sorry man,” Kaminari started carefully, “I don’t want you to think I’m teasing you! I was serious!”
Katsuki stayed silent. Maybe Kaminari could talk himself bored until they got to his place.
“You’ve spent all this time working,” he continued with a sigh, leaning back in his seat, “and I get it. You’re not willing to give up the One-Man-Agency bit - you don’t have to - but at least explore your options outside of work?”
“Tch.”
What else is there?
There’s nothing more important to him right now than being a hero. It’s the same for Izuku too, he knows it is, if only he could figure out why he’s –
“And you can’t keep fixating on Midoriya, man!” Kaminari seemed to cut through his thoughts and Katsuki fought to keep his eyes on the road instead of glaring daggers into him for the sick suggestion.
“When it’s not work, you’re either with Midoriya, or setting stuff up for him, don’t you have…I don’t know, a limit?”
“No.”
“Agh!” Kaminari had the audacity to sound irritated next to him when he’s the one asking stupid questions? “I’m not asking you to cut a limb off dude, here, look.”
Katsuki, the driver , under no circumstances could look at whatever Kaminari was trying to show him, but he noticed the phone brightness in his peripheral as he waved the device in the side of his face.
“Dating app,” Kaminari explained simply, and luckily for him, they were coming up on a yellow light, “they suck, but it’s better than just dealing with a dating pool of UA students. There’s a lot of cool people out there!”
As they pulled up to the - now red - light, Katsuki took a quick glance to look at whatever was glowing in his face. Half out of curiosity, and half out of hope if he budged, Kaminari would get the damn thing out of his face while he’s driving .
However, just reading the name of the app made him scrunch his nose in disgust.
“LUVBUGS?”
The front page was straight up obnoxious.The background of the app was a bright pink, shedding a glow that left the inside of his car looking like a love hotel. It also had two literal cartoon bugs holding hands while hearts and lipstick lips faded in and out all over the screen.
“Look I know. It’s corny,” Kaminari relented and sat back in his seat comfortably, “but you don’t have to get married tomorrow. All I’m asking is you give one new person an honest shot.”
“I’m not makin’ a fool of myself for your entertainment,” Katsuki huffed before taking his eyes back on the road and cruising the car forward as the light changed back to green.
There was an ominous pause, then a sigh from the other blonde.
“It’s not entertaining for me to see ya lonely, man,” Kaminari breathed out with genuine sadness in his voice. Katsuki wasn’t in the mood to be pitied, but the earnestness of the admission did take some of the tension he didn't realize he was holding from his shoulders.
“ ‘m not lonely.” Katsuki muttered quietly and very unconvincingly.
“I believe you,” Kaminari lied, but his ego appreciated it anyways, “I just want you to know if you try this, and it falls through - I won’t say a peep, honest!”
Katsuki didn’t respond. The promise of not being made fun of unwillingly relaxed him, before a heavy and unwanted exhaustion washed over. It replaced all the initial anxiety and irritation that’d been hanging over him all night.
And he was missing it immediately.
It’s all just so much more familiar. The anxiety constantly prickling. Someone bugging him, prodding for answers. Finding joy in his banter.
It was more familiar.
He wasn’t enjoying the prospect of being seen right now.
"All he could think was if his... apparent loneliness was so obvious to Dunce-Face, then why did Izuku seem to not care enough to point it out?
Did he even notice?
He was always the one seeing him when no one else would.
So why didn’t he notice?
He choked back the warning of a sob in the back of his throat, and he appreciates Kaminari’s silence, but he can feel his eyes boring into him anyways.
They continued the rest of the car ride in silence.
When they finally arrived at Kaminari’s apartment, Katsuki took a moment to rest his forehead on the wheel of his car while Kaminari unbuckled his seatbelt. It was grounding after an emotionally exhausting night. If he could get away with it without being nagged by the loft’s security, he’d have slept right here in the parking lot.
“Thanks for the ride man, your new car’s awesome - seriously!”
Katsuki only grunted in response, not lifting his head up. The lack of commitment to talking back only spurred Kaminari to tap on the hood of the car to get his attention.
It took a moment, but when Katsuki reluctantly turned his head, he saw his friend with amused but kind eyes look at him.
“Hey. One person. Try one new person and I’ll personally make sure no one ever bothers you about it again, okay?”
Katsuki only growled in response and turned his head back around to hide his face in his arms.
“I don’t care what you assholes do,” he huffs, “stop trying to reassure me, I’m not some drenched puppy in a box.”
“Alright,” Kaminari laughed, slapping the hood of his car loudly, “Well, goodnight - drive safe! Text when you’re home.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Katsuki mumbled in his arms again, and at that, Kaminari closed the car door and headed up to his own room. Katsuki just needed five more minutes.
Just a little more to gather himself.
All this talk about dating tonight really had him on edge. He’d never been interested, not even in middle school. Maybe he’d found a guy or two objectively attractive, but he’d always figured if a partner was ever in the equation then they’d blend into his life’s work as he bulldozed through all his goals.
That’s how it had been for his parents, some chance meeting at their design agency that spiraled into a marriage before they knew it. And frankly, that’s how he’d always preferred it to happen for himself.
It couldn’t be too random, but couldn’t be too planned either. You either know when you know, or you don’t. At the end of the day, just like your dreams, love won’t - no it shouldn’t - just fall into your lap. Dating seemed like one way to distract yourself from the natural progression of things, creating an uncomfortable awareness of each other’s intent that feels performative.
And Katsuki Bakugou was anything but performative.
Everything he did was with sharp and calculated precision. The intent isn’t to win you over, you should already be won over. That part of the equation shouldn’t be in question once Katsuki had decided to intertwine you with all aspects of his life.
So what’s happened to you now then, dumbass?
“Agh!” He sat up quick, shocked at the sound of his own voice mocking him in his head. To stop it from going on any further, Katsuki turned his car on and began to make his way out of the parking lot of Kaminari’s complex.
He needed to head straight home.
Click.
Katsuki unlocked the door to his apartment.
The complex Katsuki stayed at was expensive in a well off part of town. Most top heroes lived here to maintain some semblance of collective protection and privacy from the mediaIt worked well enough. Especially with the decrease in criminal activity. Heroes weren't being followed or hassled by the paparazzi as often. No, where Katsuki lived could be considered any pro-heroes quiet and secluded haven.
SLAM.
However, Katsuki was by far the loudest tenant, opening his door in a way that shook the floors.
Stumbling into his room, he angrily kicked off his shoes. He was halfway to the living room when he paused, scowling to himself as he halted. (then, came back around to set them properly in place in the gekkan).
Then! He violently threw his bags on the couch!
(Taking a minute to gingerly hang his coat on the coat rack where it belonged).
Finally, he calmly placed his leftovers in the fridge…
Then SLAMMED the door causing all the pepper shakers, utensils and glass around it to clack and shake.
He didn’t even know what he was angry at! It wasn’t aimed at anything in particular, even as he messily worked to remove his shirt to change in the midst of the tantrum.
He wasn’t mad at his friends, they’re annoying but the night together was nice.
He wasn’t mad at Izuku, a little hurt, but his fucking damage was another project for later.
No, he didn’t know what he was mad at…until he came face to face with himself in the long mirror in his bedroom.
Looking at himself – the exhausted eyes, the disheveled hair, all signs of a well spent day out – and then he glanced down all his scars.
His shoulder, heart and waist… with all the talk about dating, he felt himself getting oddly protective of them… dating would mean someone else would have to look at them eventually. These were his battle scars. He got them. He didn’t want to share them with anyone else.
Except…maybe Izuku.
He remembered when they were kids, they used to show off scabs and wounds like they were trophies.
Izuku was a crybaby, so at first he hated it, but slowly he came around to Katsuki’s way. Anytime Katsuki had a scar Izuku would marvel at it with awe. ‘Ooo’ and ‘Aaa’ like it was the coolest thing in the world. Then eventually, even with tears in his eyes, Izuku would try to show Katsuki his scars with pride. Katsuki was a brat at the time, so he’d say something like “Oh whatever, Izuku! That’s nothing compared to when I jumped off the monkey bars!” and Izuku would whine, but it didn’t deter them. It was a mutual arrangement until their relationship started to deteriorate, but it was always a happy memory.
Everything had moved so fast from both wars that he didn’t get the chance to make a show about these new scars but…he wanted to.
He hasn’t even been curious.
This swirling pit in his stomach started to churn, and looking at himself was actually making him want to gag.
In response, he roughly turned the mirror around, being careful not to break the glass. With a groan, he threw his body into his bed. He didn't want to shower, or look in a mirror, or... make any contact with himself, really.
He doesn’t want to share things with you like before. He doesn’t want you.
That sneering voice that sounded like him returned and Katsuki blinked back the start of some tears. Burying his face in his pillows with a whine, he inhaled and then let out a large grounding breath. What is wrong with him? It’s just more invasive self deprecating nonsense.
No. No, fuck it.
Fine.
One new person. One .
Against every instinct in his body, he picked up his phone and downloaded the stupid, ugly bug app. If it was between wallowing or being productive, Katsuki was always going to try to be productive no matter how demeaning. In the end signing up to the thing was easy, as expected. A couple of taps after having connected the account to his email brought him to the page where he would have to tell people about himself.
He’s a guy only looking for men, aged 20-30.
Easy enough.
But then it started to ask weird personal questions, and that started to piss him off.
He’s fucking Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight. If they don’t already know who he is then it’s an automatic ‘no’ anyways. He answered all the questions simply and unhelpfully:
I’m looking for someone whos…
> not annoying
After work you can find me…
> at home
My real-life superpower is…
> explosion
And now it’s asking for pictures. He wasn’t a camera person and didn’t have many selfies worthwhile. So, he just saved some of the photoshoots he’d done and found online, posted those, and called it a day. Some of them had a watermark on them, but whatever, it's fine. Like Kaminari said, it wasn’t like he was trying to get married. Just one date with one extra so everyone could finally leave him alone.
Now it was just a matter of swiping.
He almost called the whole thing off when one of the first guys he saw closest to him in terms of common interests was Monoma.
He naturally had plenty of selfies showing off his body in various angles, and it was doing absolutely nothing for him. The app's shitty algorithm forcing him to see more of this asshole's nipples than he'd ever want to see in his life pissed him off so badly that he damn near almost deleted the app and called it a night. Instead he gritted his teeth and swiped left.
One more mishap like that and he was abandoning the whole bit. The whole point was to get away from UA alumni.
And so, for the remainder of the night, Katsuki got lost in the chore of swiping. Whenever he thought he was getting tired, a bout of stubborn anxious energy would shock him back to his senses. His mind was wrapped in this mantra of needing to just find one guy.
It just needs to be one .
The act of swiping in it of itself was a little therapeutic, even if he was mostly disinterested. Occasionally another objectively attractive man would show up, and he’d nod to himself in recognition, then swipe anyways.
It was like this for several hours. He was nearing a limit even his prickling sense of duty couldn’t overcome until finally, finally , one guy raised his eyebrows.
He didn’t know what it was, but something about him clicked right away.
Katsuki didn’t believe in love at first sight or any of that bullshit, but it wasn’t easy to be handsome and get a reaction out of him.
The guy’s name was Saito and he had curly black hair with a variety of noticeable and gnarly scratches and marks on his face. Nothing like Izuku’s, of course. This guy’s scars seemed to go diagonal across his face as if someone took an axe to it, and it was cool as fuck . The first photo was a poorly taken selfie angled awkwardly as if he was trying to get as much attention off his face as possible and show off his body, but his face was the whole appeal .
He scrolled in hopes he could see more, but all the other photos were more of the same. He clearly seemed anxious about his looks. Whatever caused the scars on his mug was way worse than the lighter hints of scarring all over his chest and arms. Even so, his body wasn’t anything to sneeze at either. Not too buff, not too scrawny. He clearly kept himself in shape, which was perfect. ‘Meant in a pinch he could keep up, and that’s all Katsuki’s ever looking for, really.
He took a cursory look at Saito’s interests, and they didn’t seem to line up with Katsuki’s at all. One of his hobbies was gardening, his favorite hero was Lemillion (boring), and his type was.. well.
I’m looking for someone whos…
> unique and honest! I’m looking for that special someone but I’m not picky, let’s just enjoy each other’s company :)
Special.
Katsuki knows this is the typical spiel all guys give. He’d just spent so long swiping and not actually being interested enough in the options, that seeing the one attractive guy on this godforsaken app meet the bare minimum was making his weak heart whirl.
So fine. This is the one. He swiped right, and locked his phone.
It was late, so he wasn’t expecting a response until morni-
Ping.
His phone showed they’d matched and Saito had already sent a message.
So an insomniac. Just like Izuku, he can deal with those.
He opened his phone to go ahead and get a peek, but what he saw instantly made him snort.
S > hi! if ur catfishing me that’s not necessary btw. I wont judge u
Hah! He’s in that much disbelief? He must be getting attention left and right if he’s comfortable confronting a potential catfish this confidently. He likes it.
K > not a catfish. nice instincts, though.
S > proof?
Proof? Even if this guy was doubtful, he should be feeling grateful he was potentially being noticed by the Katsuki Bakugou. He really thinks he’s such hot shit that someone would go this far for him? That’s way too much arrogance on one guy, what the hell.
Feeling spiteful, Katsuki logged into his official social media account he hadn’t used in months. Usually his social media manager handles all his posts and updates where he’s usually disinterested, but he always has access if necessary.
They should really reconsider that.
He grabbed one of the ugliest photos he had of him flipping the camera off that circulated and became a meme. Then, with fast fingers he reposted it with the caption:
dating apps are for NERDS!! GET A LIFE!!
And shut off the phone.
He hung back while his notifications went off and comments came flowing immediately:
> HELL YEAH!! THATS Y UR THE BEST!!!
> thats rlly insensitive dynamight :/ its just one way to get out there!
> umm idk about that one chief!
> they hated jesus because he told them the truth
Another notification from one of those skeevy news websites.
BREAKING: DYNAMIGHT WAGES CULTURE WAR AGAINST DATING APPS?
He snorted to himself, these people are so bored. Oh well, he’d get the reaction he wanted in about 15 minutes. After a little bit of taking in the sound of various app notifications, he finally got the specific ping he was looking for and checked his phone.
S > ur idea of proof was having my whole timeline flooded with debates about the ethics of dating apps? Dude id have taken a video xD
K > naaaahhh
A fond smile creeped on Katsuki’s face despite himself, he’s glad Saito thought it was funny at least. His social media manager and PR team getting on his ass later will be worth it after all.
Saito seemed to be taking his time…occasionally the signs he was typing would show up, then disappear, then show up again. A full 2 minutes passed before something finally went through.
S > ah well this is really cool! I don’t know what to say, but I’m glad I matched with you :)
Oh eugh. He probably didn’t mean it that way, but that sounded like the end of a conversation more than the beginning of one. He’s not getting away from Katsuki that easily.
He’s his ONE guy.
K > why dont we start with why ur favorite hero is lemillion and not GEMGD?
S > !
S > ur crazy xD
He waited for another cheeky follow up to that…but nothing. So he’s just not going to answer the question? That’s annoying…this conversation was already getting a little dry, but for some reason…he was too invested at this point to give up.
And so, for the rest of the night Katsuki put an extended amount of effort and energy into getting Saito to loosen up and have a back and forth conversation with him. Nervous energy around someone as prolific and amazing as him had to be overwhelming, of course. All he had to do was push a little.
Over the next hour it was starting to work…a little bit.
He learned Saito just thought Lemillion is cool and he has a thing for blondes (score). He also learned more about the gardening thing.
It relaxed him apparently.
Normal enough.
But, ugh. He was still leading the conversation and asking all the questions. He hated that he's bored, but this guy… Every time he clicked out to go look at his photos he felt like he won’t get a chance like this again with anyone else. Maybe he was being a little desperate, but fuck.
Well, there was one other thing to try.
K > hey you said you just want someone to enjoy company with, right?
S > yea!
Last shot, for the guy who was a shitty texter.
K > how’s dinner tomorrow sound?