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Perhaps it was a cruel twist of fate, perhaps it was to taunt him. Grian promised it wasn’t some rogue wild card but he had yet to believe that.
Or maybe it really was just the time of year.
The bitter chill cuts through both the mossy fibers of his overalls and his shirt even with the sleeves rolled down, slicing through his body and causing him to keel forward onto his knees. He had wished he had just put in a little more time last session to put a roof (and maybe even a door) on his tower, because then at least then he could’ve shut it out just slightly better. The most he had was the small glow of the four torches he placed around him, though the miniscule warmth barely emitting from them wasn’t nearly enough to make a difference.
Every man for himself. Tuff Guys don’t get cold. Tuff Guys don’t need each other to stay warm.
Bdubs had shoved himself into the warmest corner he could find as the snow started to fall a little heavier, the white of the frost beginning to blanket over the charcoal grays of the deepslate fort around him.
As if potentially freezing to death wasn’t enough torment, he was quickly starting to realize all the memories it was starting to bring back, which he was quickly starting to hate. Castles of snow and soul sand, from being held close in the soft quiet of the night, to unsteady eyes through iron gates and fences down the center swearing they couldn’t be together anymore. Promises he swore were heartfelt at its core made and broken, arrows driven into the depths of his heart as it was buried in-
Bdubs shook his head.
Running his hand through his hair, he turns his gaze upward from the floor in the direction of the copper tower just across the way from him.
He was sure Etho had already found a way to keep himself warm. Bdubs didn’t feel like going over to check if he made himself a fireplace or even just an indoor campfire, but at least he had the mind to give himself a roof and a door. Plus he had that stupid jacket, impractical for the times they played these death games in the warmer seasons, but perfect for now, he must imagine.
Oh, what he’d give to be nestled in it too , face tucked into the crook of Etho’s neck, arms wrapped around him while he pressed his lips against his skin-
But Bdubs knew better than anyone else that he was stubborn. He wasn’t about to just go saunter over to the copper building across the way, make his way inside and hope that Etho would let him be wrapped up in his arms without any question or hesitation. But he knew it was different this time.
They're not supposed to be a team this season- right?
It’s different this time.
The white that had appeared in the ebony of his hair in the following games still hadn’t disappeared, despite having made it down to just the tips of his hair.
He loves me.
Cool enough in tone to match the growing patches of snow around him, it remained a cruel reminder of the last time he had so willingly opened his heart to Etho, the one he had loved more than anyone else. Certain there was no chance he would leave him for dead.
He cares, he does.
It sometimes sickened him, that even after all that, he was still so desperate to be close to him again. That with every brush of their hands in passing, every snarky conversation, every kiss they shared in secret even when they were soulbound to other people, all he could think about was how he just wanted Etho to himself.
And for goodness sake he finally got it. But even then he was still distant, still hesitant to let himself fall all in. And he hated it.
“Bdubs?”
His thoughts were interrupted by the faint sound of Etho’s voice coming from just outside.
“Hello?” he groveled. “What do you freaking want.”
He looked up to see Etho’s face appear in his doorway, and as suspected, had pulled his coat sleeves down to his wrist, the teal vest now zipped up to his neck.
His voice sounded as if he wanted to say he was annoyed at Bdubs’ response but the softness in his eyes and expression said otherwise. “Just came by to check on you B. With the snow and all, wanted to make sure you weren’t getting too cold or anything.”
Bdubs feels his face flush slightly at the use of his nickname. He knows how well it works on him, and so does Etho. Stupid stupid . “I’m fine, thanks for asking.”
He watched Etho step inside, an eyebrow raised, clearly skeptical. Etho lowers his mask just below his mouth, leaving the black cloth around his chin. “You sure?”
There’s an air of honesty about such a vulnerable gesture made without hesitation that sends a flutter through Bdubs’ chest, that he elects to try and ignore. He pulls his legs tighter to his chest. “Yes I’m sure.”
He watches Etho furrow his brows in brief thought. He could tell he was going to make it difficult for him. “Y’know Bdubs, I’m sure it’s a little warmer on my side, if- you wanna come over.” Etho gives Bdubs a soft smile, putting on a show of genuineness he was hoping was coming through.
“Yeah right.” Bdubs bites his lips. “I’m perfectly fine here, I just said.” He gestures up to his walls, hitting his hand on the textured stone. “You see this? Perfect construction from a master builder, keeps the cold out very good, yes it does.”
Etho chuckles endearingly, humming. “If you say so. Because I’m all bundled up and I still feel pretty cold in here.”
“HEY!”
It's enough to get Bdubs to rise from the floor, reach up and grab Etho by the lapels of his coat, face turning as red as his headband.
Even with the playful anger behind the gesture, there was an undertone of desperation to it that he’d be lying to himself to deny it.
“Yeah? Well- you’re always freaking cold! Especially your stupid hands-”
“Nuh uh.” Etho teased back, reaching to place said hands on Bdubs’ forearms, earning him a yelp in response as he let go of the jacket. “You’re the one who’s shivering.”
“No, I am Not.” Bdubs shakes Etho off him and elbows him playfully in the side. “ You’re freezing, get off me-”
“All I’m saying, I still don’t think deepslate makes good insulation.”
“There’s wool in the walls.”
“Not a lot”, Etho smirked, rocking back and forth on his heels. He readjusts his jacket, pulling the wool collar up closer to his neck, clearly finding some degree of amusement in riling Bdubs up enough to persuade him he was right.
“Look I doubt copper is any warmer, its metal. ” he grumbles under his breath. Bdubs tries his best to shoot the giggling man as sharp a glare as he can, but perhaps both from the cold air still numbing on his face and the settling feeling of knowing that he really did appreciate Etho stopping by to check in on him, he couldn’t find it in him to be genuinely annoyed.
And as stubborn as he was and he hated to admit, Etho was right. After all, it would be idiotic of him to resign to the fact he could very well turn yellow in-between sessions if he stayed put and ended up getting buried in the layers of snow that he was sure would start to build up in the next few hours.
Bdubs feels a shiver go up his spine at the thought of it. He knew for sure being laid deep in the weight of frost upon his body wasn’t something he wanted to experience again.
Before he can get lost in the heaviness of the memory again, he feels Etho place his hands on his shoulders, this time gentler in intent, running them down his arm until he’s holding his hands again. Despite being still just as cold as ever, there was a contrastingly familiar warmth to the contact this time.
The playful expression on Etho’s face had shifted into one of concern, as Bdubs had a feeling he could see the shift in his own tone, no matter how subtle or how well he was trying to hide it. He feels Etho squeeze his hands slightly, drawing them ever so slightly closer.
“C’mon Bdubs. I’m not lettin’ you freeze to death on me.”
Tuff guys don’t need-
Tuff guys-
Bdubs sighs.“….. Fine. Sure. You win, ya happy now?”
Etho nods, giving him a soft and grateful smile which Bdubs returns without a notion of sarcasm. Begrudgingly - but still willingly- he lets go of Etho’s hands and shuffles outside, with Etho just behind him.
There’s a silent exchange of words, and Bdubs feels Etho wrap an arm around him as they walk over to the copper tower, pulling him in just a little closer which he decides not to fight, leaning ever so slightly into the embrace.
Even if the moment is brief, and all he feels is the worn down fabrics of the coat, it provides enough comfort for that short period of them trudging through the near ankle deep snow.
Etho's door swings open with a quiet click.
Despite arguing against it just moments before, the thick walls of the cut copper kept the heat inside Etho’s tower quite well. Illuminated by the ochre glow of torches lining the walls, it was definitely a stark departure from the sharp cold of his own frost covered tower- a coziness that’s inviting, and Bdubs comes to quickly embrace without much fuss.
Etho leads him to the stack of pillows and woolen blankets piled somewhat haphazardly atop a series of planks against the wall across from the stairs acting as a couch in place of an actual bed, Etho clearly not having had time to craft one himself.
The caution remains in Bdubs eyes despite the known security of the space around them as he watches Etho take a seat, letting go momentarily to remove his mask fully and place it in his vest pocket.
Even with the obviousness of the invitation, there was still a part of him that reminded him he could sit anywhere in there. That surely he didn’t need to surrender at this moment just to not die.
But never mind that's what he really wanted. For all that he fought with himself over this shaky alliance, it would be idiotic to keep up the charade. Especially being this close, especially with him right there, with open arms.
He sighs.
It doesn’t take words for Bdubs to hear the desperation in Etho’s face. He feels another gentle tug brush across the top of his calloused fingers from below him.
Just let me help you. Please.
Let me keep you safe this time.
Deep down, Bdubs knows there’s no expectation. This isn’t some extension of goodwill with strings attached. No exchange of lives at the hands of the death of another. His life isn’t a brief moment in running, his survival being dependent on a tether that falls short by seconds.
It could have drawn him in, and held him close. But it didn’t.
But it wanted to this time.
The tension the silence carries as they just stand there stings. He can feel it and he knows Etho feels it too.
Wind and snow continue to lament outside in baritone howls.
There was no use in fighting anymore.
At least for now.
Bdubs allows himself to sit and sink down onto the bedding next to Etho who relaxes into the touch. He can hear Etho breathe a heavy sigh of relief, a soft smile releasing whatever tenseness he was holding there before.
Bdubs pulls his headband off and shoves it into his front pocket, letting the white tips of his hair fall and brush against his face just above his eyebrows.
“Here.” Etho pulls his arms out of his jacket, putting one side over his own shoulder and draping the other side around Bdubs, closing the whatever distance between them remained. He goes to curl his arm around Bdubs’ waist, the moss on his overalls still comfortingly soft to the touch despite the soft layer of frost over them.
As he nestles into the embrace, He feels Etho press a soft kiss to his forehead, sending a wave of warmth down his spine that settles heavy in his chest.
Almost second nature, Bdubs reciprocates the gesture, rotating his body to allow himself to drape his arms over Etho’s chest and back, pulling himself against Etho. There’s an sincerity to it that he hasn’t quite expressed as fully as he would have liked to in the past few times they’ve been able to have time to themselves in past games.
Surrendering even further in, Bdubs tucks his face into Etho’s neck, pressing a soft kiss against the redstone stained skin just above the top of his sweater.
He lingers there for a moment before pulling away slightly when he feels cold fingers brush across his jawline, slowly making its way to his cheek.
“Feel better?”
Bdubs nods and tilts his head up to face Etho, chuckling softly.
“‘Sure do, sweetheart.” he purrs, brushing his thumb across Etho’s chest. Even if he was one to use endearments quite generously, it always amused him watching Etho turn a slight shade of pink when it does catch him slightly off guard like that.
“Mhm,” Etho hums, pleased with himself. He lightly runs his hand across Bdubs’ cheek until he’s able to twirl his fingers gently in his hair.
When he feels Etho’s hand on his back, Bdubs lets him fully close the distance until their lips meet, and whatever inhibition he might have had falls off him like sheets of snow in the warm glow of the sun.
Every part of him melts into the kiss, reaching forward to place his hand on Etho’s waist, allowing him to press up even closer. His other hand moves up Etho’s back until his fingers become lost running through his silver hair.
Etho pulls away slightly for a moment to swing his legs up onto the box so that when Bdubs pulls him back, he’s able to lean back slightly onto the pillow pile beside him allowing them to deepen the kiss even further, becoming consumed in the warmth he hasn’t felt in a while.
When they finally break apart, Bdubs falls gently back down onto Etho, resting his head on his chest, exhaling a small laugh through an infatuated smile. Etho sinks into the weight of Bdubs on top of him, wrapping his arms around him again and pulling the coat back over them.
As snow continues to fall upon the precipices of the walls around them, for the first time in a long time, he does not feel it settle on the fortresses which sit around his heart.
Etho presses another kiss to his cheek for good measure, humming tenderly.
“Oh you..” Bdubs purrs, a soft red dusting across his cheeks as he settles his face against Etho’s collarbone. He can feel him chuckle under him.
He knows it's different this time. It always will be.
But in the solace of all they were, maybe there was still a constant even if it wasn’t what they yearned for all those years ago. A peace in the cold of winter, a quiet intimacy in the treachery.
A closing of distance.