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Adults think they’re so clever. ‘Let’s do something educational on our vacation.’ It was just like the time her noodles were made out of zucchini. Who cares about education when you could just have fun? The museum was fun!
At least most of it was fun. The huge skeleton T-Rex in the foyer was fun. Funny-faced statues were fun. There was a stuffed monkey in a tree with a walkie-talkie, which made the manager turn really red.
The massive crowd of people wasn’t fun though, all long-legs blocking the view of the exhibits and the shiny things inside. She peeked around someone’s knee or tried to side-step, but the long legs just stepped forward and poof, the thing she was looking at disappeared behind another pair of pants. When the denim-clad blockage finally cleared, her hand was taken up and guided away. Now, she was staring at something else—something new, but not what she wanted. Her eyes still darted back toward where the bones and the shiny rocks had been, but it was too late. The crowd had moved on, and so had she.
Then came the Hall of Miniatures. Three long exhibits, just the perfect size. Eye-level for her; back-bending for adults. The way was clear, dotted here and there with other young spectators. She took her time exploring the steep hills of the Mayans, then the sandy railroads of the American cowboys, and lingered long at the bustling display of Roman ingenuity. She especially admired the red brushes on the Roman helmets. They reminded her of an old cartoon Uncle Shawn had watched with her, of an alien from Mars.
“Come on, sweetie. Let’s go see the golden tablet!”
What was the big deal about some yellow ipad, she couldn’t guess. The line was long and slow. The towering dogs with spears made her feel even smaller, but they seemed respectful. There was a dead guy in a shiny box, but she wasn’t allowed to touch. The yellow ipad must have been a first edition, all old and rustic. She was staring at the buttons when two pairs of giggling pants darted in front of her to snap a photo.
“Ready to go, sweetie?”
She wasn’t, but the legs weren’t going anywhere. She couldn’t wait to be tall. She would kick every adult trying to block a kid’s view of anything. Blocking the dinosaur? Kick. Blocking a softball game? Kick.
Kick kick kick.
She would eat every vegetable noodle that appeared on her plate from now on. She would grow big and strong and tall and stand up for every little kid that was ever short.
“Hey look, one of the icons flipped!” Someone called out behind them as they left the mummy room.
—
“Dang it, Johnson, get yer knee outta my peepers.” Jed shoved the sluggish cowboy away from him as he stretched. The lights were especially bright and hot tonight; Jed had a flashback to the Fluorescent Heatwave of ‘07. Adjusting the brim of his hat downward, Jed sat up.
Thunk!
“Of all the low-hanging timber…” Jed rubbed his head. No wonder the lights were blazing hotter than a mid-day sun. The ceiling had shrunk.
Wait a gosh darn minute.
Jed jerked his head up with a gasp. His left hand flattened a few feet of track and a rail switch before he froze. His legs were spilling out of the exhibit and the walls were closing in.
They were… they were…
“We’re Giganators!”
“Ad Ordinatum!” The familiar tones of the Roman General brought Jed out of his rising panic. He shifted and peered to the right. The hall was a sea of flailing roman soldiers and civilians, all in one massive wriggling heap like a pile of spilled kittens. Not Rome’s most dignified moment. Further down, Jed could see the Mayans likewise scrambling to sit upright.
Octavius, of course, had already risen to his feet. The man positively radiated calm authority, in spite of the scene in front of him. He repeated the order, terser this time.
“Told ya there are too many folks at yer place,” Jed couldn’t help but comment.
Octavius turned, eyes narrowing briefly before warm concern took over. “Jed… Are you well?”
“Fine. Just took a knockin’ to my nogging.”
“So no damage, hmm?” Octavius replied dryly.
“Still got my pride. Unlike you, with your…. Dang it, how’d they assemble so fast?” Jed complained. The legion of Roman soldiers now stood in perfect formation. He turned back to his own exhibit, where several cowboys still sprawled halfway in the diorama and halfway in the floor. “C’mon fellers, quit lollygaggin’!”
A stuttering noise crackled overhead, startling the exhibits.
“Hey everyone. This is Larry. Um.” A cough and a shuffle squeaked through the PA system. “Um. We’re currently experiencing some, ah, difficulties, but so I would appreciate it if everyone would stay in their space. I promise to get around to everyone as soon as I can. So again, please stay in your area.”
Jed turned to Octavius, eyes sparkling. “C’mon, Oct, let’s go see what’s happening!”
“I believe that’s the direct opposite of the orders we received,” the Roman replied.
“Since when do we listen?” Without waiting for a reply, Jed took off towards the entrance of the Hall of Miniatures. He had no doubts that Octavius would follow.
One, two, three, four, five, six…. Six steps from the Western Diorama to the doors, a journey that usually took them a good half hour to travel. Excitement surged through the cowboy. Jed broke into a run, and a mere few seconds later found himself in the museum lobby. Footfalls followed; Jed turned to see a matching grin on the Roman General’s face.
“Since we’re Gigantors, do you realize what this means? We can go explore the city!” Jed whooped. A whole world of unknown territory ready for exploration - what adventures they could have!
Before Octavius could answer, a throat cleared. “Hey, Jed? Octavius….? Why are you…” Larry’s brow furrowed as he took in the former miniatures. “...You’re big.”
“We’re Gigantors! And you’re…. short. Have you always been this short, Larry?” Jedediah ambled towards the night guard, who appeared more flustered than usual. Jed made a motion with his hand, comparing his own height against Larry’s. The four-inch gap pleased the cowboy.
“Yes,” Larry replied flatly. Being put down by a former inches-tall man was unfortunately not in the top five strangest things that had ever happened to him. “Listen, guys, since you’re already here, I need your help. You may have become life-sized, but everyone else in the museum has become miniature.” He opened his palm, revealing a tiny Rexy. The dinosaur skeleton nipped at Larry’s thumb and let out a diminutive roar.
“Sure thing,” Jed chirped. “But just for a spell. Oct an’ I are gonna go outside!”
“Jedediah… I believe it’s more important for us to assist Mr. Daley,” Octavius stated firmly.
“But, Oct! We may never have this chance again. We’re… normal. We can walk or run the entire city in no time without having to worry so much about the sun!”
“I understand and empathize with you, Jed, but we cannot in good conscience leave our friends helpless.”
“C’mon… I’m sure everything is under control.”
“We nearly lost half of the African mammals to the vents already,” Larry contributed, unhelpfully. Jed glared.
“I said I’d help,” Jed spoke slowly, irritation shining in those blue eyes that Octavius so admired. “I’m just askin’ for an hour or two to ourselves. We’re not the only miniatures, I mean, former miniatures. You’ve got a gazillion soldiers to do your bidding. They can help too.”
“Octillion,” Larry murmured. “Not a gazillion, but an octillion soldiers…” Neither Jed nor Octavius paid much attention to his pun, but that was typical. They were, as usual, wrapped up in each other. “Right. I’m going to start at the east wing and talk to people. You guys catch up when you’re done arguing.”
“This is simply a moment where every countryman must look out for each other. We’re experienced in this matter, Jed. We know very well the dangers of being miniature in a vast world.”
“We’ve been miniatures our entire lives! Everyone else can deal with it for one night. We can be normal, we can be free!”
“The Jedediah I lo—” Octavius caught himself, swallowing hard. “The Jed I know is selfless, and giving of his time to others. I don’t understand why you want to go out there so badly. Is your lust for exploration overriding your kindness to your fellow museum friends?”
The words stung. Old memories of feuds between the neighboring exhibits rose to the forefront. “No. I just know what I want, and I’m actually goin’ for it, unlike some cowards who are too afraid of sayin’ anythin’,” Jed snapped.
“Quid est hoc? What do you mean?” The words were lost as the cowboy turned on his heels, storming out of the front door and disappearing into the night.
Anger fueled Jedediah down the steps and up Constitution Avenue. Distractions were everywhere: the star-dappled sky, the buildings with their neon signs, the people, the vehicles crawling down the roads, all the smells, noise of nature and city clashing. An entire world to explore before dawn came crawling.
None of it mattered. Not without Octavius.
Coward. Jed winced as he recalled his words. Octavius was one of the bravest men Jed knew. It was time to face the music: Jed was either ‘pot’ or ‘kettle’. He hadn’t exactly said what he should have. When Jed thought too much about Octavius, the words got all jumbly. Oct was the speech guy; he was more of an action fella. But his actions this night hadn’t exactly impressed the Roman General. And that hurt.
What good was a night of freedom when the fella you wanted to share it with was upset with you? Jed sighed and rubbed his face.
The top of the museum was still in his sight. With a groan and a kick at a rock, the cowboy turned and began walking back towards the stairs.
He found Octavius in the Hall of Human Origins, crouched down by a huddling group of tiny Neanderthals. The Roman’s tone was firm but soft as he encouraged them to stay in the safety of the exhibit. One of the cavemen attempted to attack Octavius’ toe through his caliga, but the Roman gently rebuffed the miniature with a careful finger.
Jed leaned on the wall nearby, waiting for Octavius to finish. He tried not to stare at the skin below the general’s pteruges. He dragged his eyes upwards as Octavius straightened.
“My men are making rounds, and Larry is investigating the cause of this reversal with Ahkmenrah. He believes the tablet’s magic is acting up once more.” Octavius spoke up before Jed could address him.
“Alright. Can we talk? In private?” Jed met Octavius’ gaze and held it until the general’s expression softened. They kept their steps as quiet as they could as they moved away from the miniatures, conscious of their jarring vibrations playing havoc on the tiny Neanderthals’ balance.
Once they were far enough away, Jed cleared his throat and dropped his voice. Being life-sized was glorious, yet weird. As a miniature, Jed was used to being overlooked. He and Octavius could carry on whole conversations without fear of being overheard, but now, even a calm normal voice felt like he was booming his business to the entire museum.
“Sorry, Octie. I just wanted to explore the city with you. To have another adventure with you. But yer being all responsible and…” Jed sighed. “An’ I get it. You’re looking out for everyone. I’m just trying to look out for you. You never do anything for yourself.”
Octavius folded his arms across his chest, which seemed to Jed just an excuse to show off his biceps. “On the contrary. Every night I spend in your company, I am pleasing my own whims.”
“Yer what?!” Jed’s eyebrows shot up.
“I mean… when we drive around in the car, or watch videos, or have discussions, I am choosing to spend time with you over training or my duties,” Octavius explained, slightly flustered at Jed’s expression. “Spending time with you is doing something for myself.”
“But don’t you want more?” For some reason, Octavius’ eyes darkened. Now it was Jed who was flustered. “There’s a whole world out there and for one night only, possibly, we could go out there!”
“Going outside would be nice,” Octavius replied slowly. He took a deep breath. “To answer your question honestly, I do want more. But not from my surroundings. Everything I need in life is right here in front of me. Directly in front of me,” he added as Jed glanced around dubiously.
“...What? You mean… Me?” Jed blinked, stunned.
“Yes, you, amica mea.” Octavius stepped closer, one hand cupping the cowboy’s bristly cheek.
“Hold yer horses, Oct. What are you doing?” Jed swallowed. The nearer Octavius came, the more sweaty Jed’s palms became.
Octavius smirked. “Well, I know what I want, so I shall go for it.”
Outside, inside, big, small. The world faded as the general’s lips brushed against the cowboy’s, tender and warm. Heat skittered down Jed’s spine as the kiss slowly deepened. Octavius’ face was delightfully flushed when they eventually parted, both men breathless.
Jed blinked, heart hammering in his chest, and adjusted the brim of his hat. “Boy, howdy…” He had buckin' broncs in the belly, and his thoughts seemed to have fled him entirely. Whatever he had been chasing outside in the world was suddenly irrelevant. “Give it another go, eh, Oct?
Octavius chuckled, leaning forward. Before he could reclaim Jed’s lips, his senses tingled. They were being watched. Octavius hesitated before glancing over his shoulder.
Dozens of miniature eyes stared curiously up at the pair.
"Perhaps it would be best to proceed with our plan. We can resume the courting at a later time,” Octavius murmured softly.
“Yeah, okay,” Jed agreed after following the Roman’s gaze. New adventures awaited them, and no matter how chaotic life became, they would face the world together.