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Daeyoung knew this new path he chose to embark on wasn't going to be a pleasant one.
When he got the call from SM, he immediately decided to give it a go, even though he was fully aware of what he was getting himself into. Daeyoung wanted to become a singer at all costs. He thought it was his destiny. All the scrutiny, the constant sleepless nights, the bone deep exhaustion, the negativity. They would all be worth it if he just got the opportunity to share his love for music with the world. That's what he believed. So when the executives told him he would be joining NCT Universe : Lastart in the middle of the show after only having been a trainee for 3 months, he was absolutely ecstatic. This was his chance and he was willing to do anything to make the cut.
Right from the start when he was introduced into the show, he knew that the other boys saw him as a thorn in their eyes, another competitor they'd have to prevail against. Even if they tried to hide it, Daeyoung saw the disapproving and judgemental looks directed at him. The stressful environment didn't make it easier for Daeyoung to form deeper connections either. Between practice and sleep, he never had enough time to connect with them on a level that wasn't surface. But he told himself that that was fine. He was sure that if he got into the group, he'd get close to his members in no time. Daeyoung was an extrovert and a naturally affectionate person who has always gotten along with everyone. Nobody had ever disliked him. He was absolutely positive there'd be no issues.
He was wrong. Oh so so wrong.
Daeyoung did end up debuting in NCT WISH, their last ever unit. That isn't the problem at all. His biggest dream has come true and he couldn't be happier… If there wasn't a minor issue. You see, Daeyoung gets along with his members so well now. Even if there was a certain awkwardness to their interactions a couple of months ago, they got over it pretty quickly and Daeyoung adapted to them. Well, he adapted to all but one member…
Oh Sion.
Daeyoung is still yet to figure out what exactly about him sets the oldest off. It comes and goes unexpectedly. One day Sion treats him like you'd expect of a leader. Going out of his way to compliment him when he does something well and giving him a hand when he needs help. And sometimes Sion calls him his cute little dongsaeng too. Daeyoung always has the biggest smile on his face when it happens because it's not something Sion does a lot.
But then the very next day there would be this weird simmering tension between them that he can't put his finger on. Daeyoung catches Sion staring, and he means really staring at him, with this weird look on his face. He doesn't even know how else to describe it honestly. The leader's face is all cold and calculating on those days. It almost feels like he's scrutinizing Daeyoung and analysing his every move. Commenting on his behaviour in his head and committing it all to this memory. If Daeyoung knew any better he'd probably think Sion resembles a predator watching his next prey when he looks at him like that sometimes.
But he doesn't know better, so those days just leave him questioning his relationship with the leader of the group he'll probably be in for the next couple of years. It's the most irritated he's probably ever felt in his entire life. And it's to the point he feels uncomfortable in his own skin when Sion decides to act like he suddenly can't stand his mere existence on random days of the week. But what's really annoying is that he fails to hide this weird hot and cold attitude towards him on camera. To nobody's surprise, in those moments the oldest becomes childish. He interrupts him while speaking, throws a pillow at him for no reason or tries to actively embarrass him by asking questions he knows Daeyoung doesn't have the answer to.
Daeyoung hates nothing in this world more than Sion's urge to “little bro” him all the time. And he means all the time. He puts him, and only him, in these weird half-serious-half-joking headlocks and goes even further to force Daeyoung to crouch down to below Sion's height. Daeyoung thinks it's his way of trying to assert dominance and show him that Sion is the one in power. It weirds Daeyoung out because when has he tried to challenge Sion in any way, shape or form? Never. So why can’t Sion just stop playing this game only he's in on?
It doesn't go unnoticed by their fans, but they at least seem to find it endearing and chalk this behaviour up to Sion being fond of his only younger Korean brother. Daeyoung definitely doesn't find it endearing. And he also truly struggles to see it as anything but intentionally annoying and weird. There isn't an ounce of fondness in Sion’s expression when he acts this way but the fans would never find out about it. And that's just because they don't see the shit-eating grin on the man’s face. It's like he's aware he's getting on Daeyoung’s nerves but knows Daeyoung is too nice to ever comment on it. Be it on camera or off camera.
What really sets him off though aren't the moments Sion treats him like the rest nor is it the days he seemingly wants to piss him off and push his buttons. No, not at all. His growing irritation comes from the small things like Sion not being able to look him in the eyes. Just to give you an example. Eye contact with Daeyoung seems to be absolutely impossible for him. Sion could be called a master at avoiding Daeyoung's looks. And even in the rare times that their eyes do meet, Sion never fails to look away immediately, the expression on his face all bashful and shy and it's not like Sion at all to be embarrassed by something so insignificant. Sion always carries himself with unspoken confidence in his day to day. And Daeyoung knows he’s still a pretty introverted person. But, in what world would he ever be flustered by him? It wouldn't make sense.
But this isn't all.
For example, it's also all the times Sion specifically seeks out a physical connection with Daeyoung. He does it completely out of the blue like it's something they do. Like it's just the way they are. And they're not. Not like that at least. Every time it happens Daeyoung ends up feeling even more clueless than before.
Why's the guy that was staring daggers into his back the other day suddenly sitting on his lap all comfortably? Or playing with his fingers while they're on Live, almost intertwining Daeyoung’s with his own?
It's almost laughable how Sion sometimes treats him like he matters to him in some way.
Like he truly longs for Daeyoung to be closer to him. Like he cares about him on a deeper level than the reality of their twisted… What should he even call this? Daeyoung doesn't know.
And then Sion goes and acts like an asshole again. It's so confusing and nonsensical that Daeyoung avoids thinking about it when he can because it has already left him with terrible headaches in the past. But he has seriously tried to navigate the weird nature of their relationship. To make it work somehow. You need to believe him, really. His attempts to adapt himself to Sion’s Daeyoung-specific mood swings have failed miserably. They change, come and go so unexpectedly that it's absolutely impossible for him to keep up. And in the end all it's doing is adding to the already huge mental and physical exhaustion Daeyoung is dealing with.
And all Daeyoung asks himself is..
Why does Sion treat him this way? What did he do to deserve this? His life is already difficult enough as is. He loves being an idol, he really does. But it all happened so suddenly and Daeyoung is still trying to find his footing in this new environment.
His actions have left him laying awake at night, unable to find any sleep more times than he'd probably like to admit. This whole situation is so sad because Daeyoung has admired Sion since the beginning of his trainee journey. Sion was one of the first trainees he met because of his seniority and he has wanted to work hard to be able to stand on stage with him one day. And he gets to do that now but what does it even matter when the object of his admiration seems to despise him?
His first year in this new career is slowly coming to an end and honestly Daeyoung has been feeling like he’s suffocating and being crushed under the weight of it all lately. Life has been wearing him down so much and while he’s been trying to be the mature one in the situation with Sion all year, Daeyoung knows that he has very little patience left for this man. It's clear that he's about to reach his breaking point here. It's really just a matter of when and how badly Sion acts out again next time.
When they got their extremely packed schedule for the Christmas season handed to them a couple of weeks prior, Daeyoung had the small hope inside of him that Sion would put his focus on other things and leave him alone. As a little Christmas present. But it got even worse. Sion’s mood changed from uncharacteristically affectionate to mean at a way higher frequency. Daeyoung had deemed it impossible but Sion became even meaner to him.
The glares and stares turned into Sion using Daeyoung as an outlet of all his anger and frustration during group practices. Gone was the leader that would give him constructive criticism and here was a guy who yelled at Daeyoung every time he didn't get something immediately. It got to a point where the other members started eyeing him with worry and a look of serious concern. Sometimes, the hyungs would try to intervene and offer to go through to choreo with Daeyoung instead just to keep Sion away. One time after they'd called it quits for the day, Yushi grabbed Sion and told the rest to go to the dorm without them saying he needed to talk to Sion alone. Daeyoung never found out what that conversation was about but he knew it had to be about him.
The dam finally breaks during the cool down after one of their many practices for the Christmas and year-end shows.
The six boys lay on the floor, still catching their breaths. Nobody is saying a word. They're all trying to fight the exhaustion seeping deep into their bones. The choreographer absolutely pushed them to the limits today. The minutes pass by and Daeyoung returns back to feeling somewhat like a living human being and less like a zombie. He feels someone nudge his thigh and turns around to see Riku staring at him with kind eyes.
“Daeyoungie, sit up. I wanna loosen up a little bit”, Riku says and pats Daeyoung’s thigh for good measure. Daeyoung can't help but smile at him. Riku looks too much like a docile cat right now. He sits up and beckons him over to come closer. “Sit down, hyung.” He opens his legs so Riku can settle between them. It's really nothing unusual. Him and Riku have gotten closer over the last couple of months and since they're both physically affectionate people, it's an almost daily thing to see them cuddled up somewhere. Be it on camera or off camera.
So Riku starts twisting his hips from side to side while Daeyoung’s hands sneak around his waist to steady him and they start talking and giggling quietly with each other. They try not to disturb the rest of the members. It appears they aren't quiet enough though because not long after, Sion suddenly plops down behind Daeyoung and puts his arm around him without another word.
He tenses up at the sudden contact. But Riku goes completely still in his arms for a moment. Why's Riku acting like that now? Before he can dwell on it, Riku is out of his arms and scooting a bit further away from him and Sion. What the fuck is going on? Sion only tightens the grip around his shoulders. Daeyoung feels like he isn't following anymore. But right now? He doesn't want to. He has no more energy left to deal with Sion’s antics today. He tries to shake Sion off with a polite “Hyung~ let go of me, please.” and even adds a fake giggle to appease him but it's not enough. Sion stays put in place without another word. And Daeyoung really isn't having that today. He forcefully pushes his arms away from him, grabs his wrist, stands up and drags Sion to his feet right in front of him.
“Sion hyung, that's enough”, he hisses and Sion stares up at him with wide eyes. The practice room goes completely silent. Daeyoung looks away from Sion and finds everyone else staring at them. He rushes to the corner of the room to grab his and Sion’s belongings. Sion follows him willingly. It makes Daeyoung tighten his grip on his wrist. Daeyoung ends up pushing Sion’s things into his free arm and turns to his members. “Excuse us guys, I forgot I have something to discuss with Sion hyung. You can go without us.” He feels absolutely crazed as he drags Sion with him out of the practice room and slams the door shut behind them. He doesn't stop walking until he reaches a quiet corner in the building and turns around. He throws his bag to the side.
Sion is looking down at his feet and curling in on himself. Daeyoung’s face turns dangerously cold. “Don't give me that, hyung. Talk. Come on.”, he laughs, it almost sounds like he's mocking him. “W-What do you mean?”, Sion replies, his voice shaking. He's still not looking up. Daeyoung gently grabs his chin and turns Sion’s face to make him look at him. “You know what this is about and it's time you explain it. Don't you think you're being too childish?” Sion starts shivering under his fingertips and his eyes tremble more the longer Daeyoung stares into them.
The atmosphere between them changes drastically. Daeyoung is almost about to take a step back because oddly enough, Sion seems a little bit scared of him right now. But then, he sees something flicker in Sion’s pretty eyes that he can't completely read and he pauses. What he sees in those eyes makes him grip onto Sion’s chin harder. Sion’s eyes involuntarily flutter shut and a sound Daeyoung has never heard before escapes his mouth. Sion’s eyes shoot open again and they both just stare at each other, absolutely frozen. As they lock eyes rather intensely, it hits Daeyoung all at once. He understands it now. Finally gets why Sion has been so hot and cold towards him. The intense stares, the rudeness, the trying to little bro him all the time, the unexpected affection and the forced intimacy. It makes sense now.
Sion wants Daeyoung. In ways that he knows aren't friendly or platonic at all. The revelation makes Daeyoung laugh out loud. Sion is looking at him with a face painted in complete horror, like he's aware that he's been caught.
“You're a bit pathetic, aren't you? It's cute though.”, he whispers. “Hyung, do you like me?” Sion’s breath catches in his throat but he doesn't answer. Doesn't know how to. Doesn't want to. “Hmm. That's what I thought.”, Daeyoung mutters, an amused grin painting his face. “I didn't see it before but all the stares, wanting to let me know you have power over me..”, he says, lost in his own thoughts before scanning Sion's face. “You feel intimidated by me, right? By my height, my body, my strength. And don’t want to accept that that feeling turns you on.” His face turns beet red in an instant but Sion still can't move himself to look away from Daeyoung’s gaze. His eyes have him absolutely transfixed. There's something about them and his expression right now that lets Sion dream.
Daeyoung moves his fingers from Sion’s chin slowly up to his cheek while watching every little microexpression on his face. “You should look at yourself right now, hyung. You're trembling… Seeing me with Riku hyung made you jealous, am I right?” He nods. And Daeyoung smiles. “Yes, I know. It always does. You can't help but want to be in his position. That's why you get so clingy and mean sometimes.” The look in Sion’s eyes turns needy and he drops his things onto the floor, gripping onto Daeyoung's t-shirt. He whimpers.
“Daeyoungie, I-”, Sion manages to whisper. “What hyung, what is it that you want, hm?” Daeyoung leans even closer to Sion’s face. He can feel his quickened breaths on his own face now and sees the sweat beads on his forehead. He gently wipes them away with the hand that isn't caressing Sion’s cheek. “Anything, please Daeyoung. I-I’m sorry for treating you this way”, the neediness slips into his voice now and he swallows. “I’ve needed you for so long so please. Please”, he begs. His voice is desperate and so is the grip on his shirt. Daeyoung thinks he looks like he's on the verge of tears. His eyes have turned glassy and needy.
Daeyoung's tone shifts again — serious, low. “Close your eyes for me, hyung.” Sion obliges immediately and his entire body relaxes under his touch. He already knows what Sion wants. The thing Sion truly craves. “You’re so beautiful like this.”, he murmurs. His gaze moves to Sion’s plump lips. To Daeyoung, his lips have always stood out the most. They're so full compared to his thin lips. He thinks he wouldn't mind kissing them one day.
Daeyoung moves closer and closer, until their lips almost touch. But only almost. He breathes onto Sion’s lips and he visibly flinches. And Sion whines, clearly getting impatient. He whines loudly. For a moment, Daeyoung is scared someone might hear him, so he puts a finger on his lips and shushes Sion. “It's a kiss you want, hm?”, Daeyoung answers, his voice deep and teasing. Sion whimpers quietly in response. The sound vibrates against his finger. “That’s too bad. You're not getting one from me.” Daeyoung stops himself from laughing because that would be really mean. He chuckles instead.
Daeyoung slowly moves away from Sion and drops his hands from his face. He waits for Sion to open his eyes before continuing. “You haven't been good for me lately, hyung. I don't think you deserve a reward, yet.” Sion blushes in shame and stares at him in utter disbelief. His whole body is on fire. “W-What? Please, I re-” He's about to really start begging for it but Daeyoung stops him in his tracks. Not today.
“We need to sit down and talk, hyung. Until then you're not getting anything from me. It's simple.” Daeyoung glances at the watch on his wrist. “It's getting late. I think I’m gonna catch the next bus home.” Daeyoung stays silent for a moment before fixing Sion with his gaze. “Maybe you should go on a walk. To cool down, you know.” He looks him up and down and there it is, Daeyoung’s very own shit-eating grin. In the middle of his face. He grabs the bag he discarded earlier and with a quick “Good night, hyung” he's gone.
And Sion? Sion stays rooted in his place for a very very long time, completely in his own head. But there is only one question filling up his mind.
What the fuck just happened?