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Let’s finish this together.
There was a gesture like a sweep of an arm, an exhalation, coinciding with more colors, sounds, and memories than a human being could take in during their lifetime. And just as quickly as he could shut a book, Jayce was somewhere else. And he was holding the back of someone else’s head.
“Excuse me,” piped a familiar voice, somewhat sharply. “If you would unhand me, that would be appreciated.”
Jayce immediately let go. He took a slow and shaking step backwards. He knew this place, although his mind, already reeling, needed a few more moments to catch up to his body. Then, as he stood blinking at the tall, immaculately etched windows and vaulted ceilings, the answer reached him, as surely as a ship pulls up to port. The halls of the Academy.
He’d spent so many years here, working and worrying, and praying to find solutions to his problems. Now he was back. Or rather, he was somewhere much like the place he’d been familiar with. Already he could tell this wasn’t quite his world.
A slightly shorter man with slightly unruly hair, wearing the school uniform and leaning on his cane, looked at him expectantly.
“May I ask what business you have here?” The Viktor of this world demanded. “On whose authority?”
Jayce chuckled sadly. He closed his eyes and let his body sink to the floor. The Viktor that had been his partner… he’d lost him again. He wondered where, exactly, his Viktor had wandered off to, through the corridors of space and time. He wondered if that Viktor was speaking to another Jayce, just as he was speaking to another Viktor now.
The Viktor of this world regarded him with a mixture of suspicion, intrigue, and concern. He crouched by Jace and said, a bit more gently, “Forgive me for stating the obvious. But your demeanor– and your clothes, I’ll add– are at odds with your environment.” Jayce knew that this was true. He had nearly died in battle. No doubt he was a haggard mess.
“May I ask,” Viktor continued, “where you are from?”
Jayce considered the question. “I could tell you. But I doubt you would believe me.”
Viktor regarded him seriously. Jayce had the distinct feeling math was going on. He wondered what the calculations of his face betrayed.
“You know,” Viktor said slowly. “Someone in my position might dismiss you outright. Think you were nothing more than a vagrant who wandered onto the property. Looking for food or company.” He paused, thoughtfully.
“I don't think it’s so simple in your case. Is it.”
Jayce looked at him steadily. “No.”
Then Viktor sighed. “Well, I suppose it's been decided. I’ll hear what you have to say.” His eyes flickered across Jayce’s slumped form. “Do you need assistance getting up? Shall I call for someone?” Jayce shook his head. Then he returned, with only a little struggle, to his feet.
Viktor started to leave. Before he did, he turned to take one more, pointed, look at him. “Let’s go to lunch. It will be my treat.”
****
Jayce stirred the tea in his teacup. He was aware other patrons were looking at him with disapproval. This was a high-end cafe with outdoor seating. And he still looked like he had just been to, and nearly been killed in war. The Viktor of this world, meanwhile, ate across from him, while ignoring the others. Their opinions did not matter. Not right now.
Jayce closed his eyes and considered his options one more time. If he understood the rules, this world was doomed. Every world he wasn’t from was doomed. That was how it worked, wasn't it? At some point, magic would be discovered, and this place would be destroyed. Its version of humanity would be abolished. The sadness of that knowledge weighed on him like a blanket made of stone.
Still, he tried to remind himself how much larger this all was than just himself. He could tell this Viktor anything he wanted, really. Nothing that he said today would change the fate of all these people. Nothing would change anything. The Viktor of this world might scoff. Jayce might impact his own personal and immediate well-being. But eventually the body count would be no greater.
It should have set his mind at ease, at least a little. And yet. Jayce couldn’t quite accept the premise.
He opened his eyes and looked at Viktor, and experienced a strong and familiar pang. He loved his Viktor. And, to some extent that was difficult to measure, he loved this Viktor, too. Even if this Viktor beheld him as a stranger.
Jayce cleared his throat. “Here is what I can tell you.”
The other Viktor nodded as Jayce explained he came from another world. Another version of this world. He frowned as Jayce refused to offer clarifications for why he was removed from one world to another. Jayce could only make himself refer to “certain forces.” He couldn’t make himself say magic. Viktor’s frown deepened as Jayce offered evidence he had, in fact, been to the Academy, or at least one version of it, citing various courses he had taken, as well as certain anecdotes Heimerdinger would only tell students that were in his confidence.
“It certainly sounds like you’ve been a student,” Viktor conceded. He slightly twirled his fork as he spoke. “You also must recognize that your lack of clarifying details about your…. current situation… feels all a little suspect. And makes it harder for me to evaluate the validity of your claims. But that is not the concern I find most pressing.”
He pointed his fork at Jayce. “Why are you telling me this? I can’t tell what you hope to gain from this interaction. Are you seeking resources? My help? Are you looking for an audience with Heimerdinger?”
Viktor started cutting up his slice of quiche and went on. “Based on what you’ve told me, I don’t know whether you’d like to get back, or if you’d prefer to stay here. I do not understand your motivations.”
Jayce looked at Viktor. He decided to be completely honest.
“There is a Viktor in my world. He is my partner. Wherever we were supposed to go, we were supposed to go together. But we got separated. Now spending time with you is the closest thing I have to being with him. I want you to understand. What it means to me.” Jayce stared at his plate with a half-eaten pastry and felt a sob rise. Instead, he expelled it as a broken sigh. He knew he’d made quite a scene already.
“I miss him. That’s all.”
Viktor stared at him. He looked a little startled. Like that was the strangest thing Jayce had said so far. Then his features softened, changed, transformed into a steady curiosity.
“Would you mind telling me about him? This Viktor of yours?”
That, Jayce could do. Some parts of Viktor’s life were too complicated, or too painful to explain. But there were so many things Jayce knew and could share about his partner. His habits, his turns of phrase. The way he stored his chalk pieces in a little leather bag. The songs he’d hum that he’d first heard inside the Undercity. The little, impossible creatures he’d draw when he was bored. One creature he would draw frequently within the margins of his notebooks, named Rio. His favorite chair.
Jayce went on and on. He registered that the Viktor of this world was looking at him with no particular expression. No, that wasn’t right. He was transported, vacant. He looked entirely outside himself. Jayce slowed down. He felt an all-too familiar wave of guilt.
“I’m sorry,” he offered. “I’m guessing you and the Viktor from my world are a lot alike. I can’t imagine it’s comfortable for a stranger to know so much about you. It must be invasive.”
The Viktor across the table continued staring blankly. Then he appeared to re-enter his own body. He looked up at Jayce.
“We should be focused on getting you back to him.”
Jayce looked down at his plate, miserable. The potential implications of this line of inquiry were disastrous. Is this how magic is introduced to this world? Have I doomed this place already? By encouraging this Viktor to help me reunite with the man I love? It was entirely possible. Jayce also knew, perhaps better than anyone, how quickly thoughts like these could drive a man insane.
Jayce shook his head and took a different tack. “I’d like a shower,” he said simply. “I have some old wounds beneath my clothes that need fresh dressing. I’d like my clothes mended. Or, better yet, a new outfit. I promise I will pay you back for these services if and once I’m able.”
Viktor tilted his head. Then he smiled, a small crooked smile that instantly brought Jayce back to their first days working together in the lab.
“These things, at least, can be done.”
*****
A few hours later, Jayce was sitting on Viktor’s bed, clean, in new trousers, with fresh dressings around his chest and one shoulder. Being ushered into Viktor’s suite of rooms had been surreal. Traveling down the dormitory hall while the student body was leaving or going to their various pursuits, he felt like a massive predatory animal, with his dark beard and large body and ragged clothes and bowed head, still heavy with its payload of phantasmagoric horrors. Meanwhile, the students surrounding him had the air of clever children. Sometimes charming, sometimes pompous.
All naive. All exceptionally fragile.
The strangest part was how they acted towards him. They were all momentarily surprised, or disgusted, or distressed. Then something appeared in the corner of their eye, and they lost their interest. Something next to Jayce that reminded them his presence was unexceptional. Jayce realized with some bewilderment what put everyone at ease: the fact he was accompanied by Viktor.
“We should not be disturbed. They are accustomed to my sorts of guests,” Viktor had explained with matter-of-factness. The comment took a moment to land. Jayce stared at him. Who are the types of people he brings up to his bedroom? But Jayce had been hurried into the bath before he’d had a chance to inquire further.
Now he was much closer to presentable. Viktor stood across the room inside a doorway. He indicated a sheath of paper he held in one hand.
“I have looking through the records. There is no one named Jayce Tallis included in the list of present or past students. I also spoke to Heimerdinger. He does not recall anybody with that name. Nor is he, or anyone I consulted, familiar with a ‘House Tallis.’”
Jayce smiled sadly. “I don’t exist in this world.”
Viktor nodded. “It appears you do not.”
They both didn’t quite look at each other. Finally, Viktor placed the papers on his desk and sat next to the larger man.
“Neither of us know why you’ve come here. Perhaps our time together will be short. In that case, we could see what I can do to… ease your obvious and considerable suffering?”
Jayce looked up. “Is that what you do with the visitors you bring up here? Ease their suffering?” The questions sounded harsh and accusatory in his ears. Am I jealous?
Viktor did not seem offended. Instead, he shrugged. “Sometimes. Other times, I am merely in need of recreation.” Then he shot Jayce an almost puckish look. “Is this an aspect of your Viktor you were not familiar with?”
Now it was Jayce’s turn to shrug. “We were so busy in the lab. He would always tell me there wasn’t any time to lose. That our work could help so many people. We needed to focus on what was important.”
Then Jayce sighed. “But we could have talked about it. I could have… pursued him more. Gotten him to tell me more about himself. We were so close. But there were always secrets.”
Jayce thought about the end, when they were holding each other in the Anomaly. Privy to each other’s memories. By then, it had been too much. He suspected he had forced himself to forget most of what he heard and saw there. All that was left were stray moments that wandered through him. Spirits, sliced in half.
Viktor placed his hand on Jayce’s better shoulder. “Don’t be mistaken. I did not ask the question to cause you pain. It is possible your Viktor and I are very different in some ways. In our…inclinations. Perhaps as a child he slept near a contaminated vent. It is surprising what can change our nature.”
For the first time in ages, Jayce felt himself forming a genuine smile. “Perhaps you were the one who slept near the vent.”
Viktor threw his hands up. “Perhaps I did.”
*****
Jayce finished his cup of red wine. Behind him, Viktor was… it was difficult for Jayce to dwell on what was happening. A part of him wanted to disengage. But he also knew that wasn’t in the cards. Viktor was massaging his back. But he also pressing his lips into Jayce’s neck and shoulders. The contact was shocking. Confusing. Then it changed. It became tender. Diligent. Viktor in spades. Jayce’s mouth hung slightly. He hadn’t decided to open it. The room was cool. The furniture was indefinite. Vague shapes retired behind gaslight and shadow. The window curtains were long enough to reach the floor. They swayed from a trivial current.
Jayce had never fooled around with men. It wasn’t unheard of in the minor houses. But everyone understood it brought a certain kind of indignity to proceedings. It wasn’t quite the thing. Nor had it been Jayce’s intention to lower his own reputation, or that of his mother, to pursue his baser preferences. So he focused on girls. He kissed a young woman at a garden party. That initial, promising wave of arousal had been such a fucking relief.
Jayce heard a small wooden, shuffling movement. At the edge of his periphery, he noticed Viktor had produced two small, ornate boxes from his sidetable.
“What are those?” Jayce asked. His first thought was that Viktor was producing jewelry for Jayce to wear. Was that too strange? Would he like that?
“One contains a painkiller. For my leg. Sometimes it feels poorly after activity,” Viktor explained. “The other has my lubricant.”
The sequence that unfolded next was not exactly like a fairy tale. But Jayce acknowledged that it occupied a kind of kindred realm. Viktor, Viktor, Viktor. The other man sat in Jayce’s lap and reached inside his waistband. Jayce was soon overcome by a sudden and ferocious wall of want. He grunted and Viktor looked down at him slightly. Nearly all in shadow, sillhouetted by light, Viktor took on the appearance of a fae creature that has first come across his quarry. Curious and pleased. The operations just beneath the fabric of his trousers made Jayce feel wild and wanton. Helpless, if he was honest. Viktor kissed him gently across his brow and at the corners of his mouth. In this moment, Jayce was confident that Viktor was another species. A kind of higher being. But all he could say was, “More.”
A long time ago, Jayce had said to Mel, “He’s like my brother.” It was an answer to her question, “you two seem very close.” That was a strange chapter in his life. A time of climbing and hiding. Jayce had suspicions to dispel. He had a woman to pursue. He had a reputation to consider. He had a city to save. He had everything to lose.
Viktor was lowering himself onto Jayce’s prick, careful with concentration. Here, Jayce began to see Viktor as a man again. The way he trembled. All the sweat there was. The longing in the younger man’s expression. The way it paralleled distress.
“Jayce,” Viktor murmured as their bodies rocked together. Jayce touched his face and hair and neck. Jayce pressed, then lay his fingers beside the little mole between Viktor’s mouth and nose. His favorite.
Viktor leaned in and said, once more, “Jayce.” The tone was so pleading. Jayce would have sold the world to hear Viktor say his name like that each night. It hurled Jayce over the edge. Viktor followed him shortly.
*****
They lay together. The curtains were a little open now, and moonlight passed through the room, blue and black with shadow. While Viktor slept, Jayce couldn’t stop looking at his lover’s face. Was that word all right to use? Could you use it for someone you’ve only been with once? Jayce was never sure about these things.
As if disturbed by all of the attention, Viktor roused slightly and gave Jayce a tired smile. “I hope you enjoyed it.”
Jayce smiled back. Then he was struck by an unwelcome thought. “I hope you did,” he said, earnest where Viktor had been teasing. Jayce thought he had. He thought he could recognize a climax. But now, looking at Viktor, he wasn’t certain anymore.
Viktor sat up slightly. There was a slow, afflicted way he moved that reminded Jayce of… no, it was too soon. Jayce banished that thought at once. As he did, Viktor looked at the sheets then back at Jayce.
“I am jealous of your Viktor, I think,” the other man admitted softly. “Once you find him, I think he will never stop being loved. Even while you’re here, and not sure where he is, or if he’s still alive, you love him.”
Jayce looked away and closed his eyes. Finally he managed, “I do.”
Viktor started smoothing out the sheet. An absent motion. He said, almost to himself, “I have enjoyed my time at the Academy. But I’m not sure I belong in Piltover. These people don’t understand me. They barely understand my research. Heimerdinger says to give it time. But I suspect he overestimates the amount of time I have.”
He took a deep breath. “Still.” He looked at Jayce. Then he leaned over and took Jayce’s face in one hand.
“Perhaps there is someone who will one day truly know me and appreciate me as a partner. It’s not out of the realm of possibility.
“You may be the proof I needed.”
*****
When Jayce woke up, he was lying on a beach. The stars shone above, bright and cold and mum. They set themselves in strange configurations. Constellations he hadn’t seen before. Gods and goddesses whose names had not been spoken in his presence. Whose names had not been written in his books. It made him shiver.
He noticed, before the surf, a figure. Slim, with slightly long, bedraggled hair. Wearing nothing but a blanket. They didn’t move, as if their thoughts were far away. As if they’d been through hell. As if they were still there. As if it would take a hundred years or more to bring them back.
His Viktor.