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When Izuku woke up, a persistent ringing sound filled his ears and he tried to groan, but no sound came out of his mouth. He felt disorientated, eyes starting at the blank gray ceiling, wondering what the hell had happened for him to get here.
He tilts his head to the side and sees some doctors beside him, talking but he couldn’t really hear them properly. He tried to tell them that, but only a few incomprehensible sounds came out.
Internally sighing, Izuku just relaxes and stares at the ceiling, figuring that he might as well be a good patient and not give the doctors a hard time.
As he stared at the ceiling, he tried to fit the pieces of his memory together, of how on earth he had ended up here.
He remembered fighting Shigaraki and winning… and everything after that felt kind of fuzzy.
Was everyone okay? Kacchan’s probably okay, he always is.
The image of Kacchan’s body lying on the floor, a gaping hole in his chest where his heart exploded suddenly came into mind and panic arose in Izuku.
He needed to know that he was okay.
“Ka… cchan.”
He weakly tried to get the doctor's attention, not even recognizing the hoarse voice that was coming out of his own mouth.
“What? I’m sorry, I don’t understand you.” The doctor said, looking relieved at the fact that Izuku was able to speak somewhat.
“Ka… cchan…” Izuku coughed. The doctor looked concerned, trying to tell him to rest but he was too determined to listen, “he… okay?”
The doctor still looked confused and it frustrated Izuku. He just needed to know if Kacchan was okay, he definitely was, but he needed some reassurance.
“I’m sorry? I don’t really know a ‘Kacchan’.”
Izuku wanted to cry and scream and run all at the same time. Of course they wouldn’t know Kacchan. They would know him by Katsuki.
Thankfully, the door opened and Izuku saw his mother rush in to stand by his bedside, eyes clearly red and puffy from crying. Izuku felt relieved to know that she was somewhat okay, even if she was probably not eating or sleeping properly.
“Kacchan… he okay?” Izuku tried again, this time directing the question towards her mother.
Inko suddenly burst into tears again, crying into her sleeve as she looked at Izuku.
“Oh baby, look at you. I knew the school was a bad idea, I’m so sorry.”
Izuku knew that it was bad to get mad at his mother, especially since this was a valid reaction to her son almost getting killed, but he couldn’t help but feel irritated. He had asked a question, and he needed an answer.
“M–mom, Kacchan!”
Inko just nodded and continued to cry, whispered apologies breaking through her sobs.
“I’m so sorry baby. He–He’s dead. He’s gone, I’m sorry.”
The doctor silently left the room and soon all that could be heard was the beeping of the machines and Inko’s loud sniffles.
Everything around Izuku didn’t feel real, he felt like he was out of his body. The Katsuki Bakugou? Were they talking about the same person? Izuku felt like there must’ve been some kind of misunderstanding along the way because there was no way he just heard what he heard.
“What?”
Even his own voice sounded distant now. Izuku just stared at the wall, trying to wrap his brain around what he had just heard.
“But edgeshot– why are you lying, Kacchan’s fine.”
Inko just shook her head, “Izuku baby, I’m so sorry but he really is dead. They tried everything, but he just– he wouldn’t come back to life, I’m sorry. Baby, where are you going? Hey!”
Izuku was already out the door, ripping off whatever wires or things that were attached to him. He ran out and he could faintly hear his doctor yelling at him and telling him to come back, but he didn’t care.
He needed to go to the front desk and ask what room Kacchan was in. He didn’t know why his mother was lying to him, but she must be lying, because Kacchan would never die like that.
“Midoriya?” A familiar voice said. Izuku turned around and saw Kaminari, who was in hospital clothes but looked well enough.
“Kaminari! I– do you know what room Kacchan is in? Everyone’s telling me he’s dead and quite frankly, that is just ridiculous. Can you believe they’re lying to me like… that.” Izuku trailed off when he saw the look on Kaminari’s face.
Kaminari already looked pale but he somehow turned paler at the mention of Kacchan’s name. His eyes went slightly distant like he was seeing something far away.
“He… He’s really dead Midoriya, I– I don’t know what else to say to you.”
Izuku doesn’t even get a chance to reply back because the doctors quickly catch up with him, harshly telling him that he needs to go back to his room and rest.
Izuku quietly complies, turning around and walking back. He looks back at Kaminari and when he sees how shaken up Kaminari looked, he couldn’t help but think that maybe… maybe there was some truth to what he was saying.
___
“Izuku honey, I brought some soup for you! It’s a Mitsuki special, miso soup!”
Izuku looks up from the book he was reading to see Mitsuki coming into the room with a plastic bag in her hand. She looked tired but there was still a smile on her face. Inko was right behind her, profusely thanking Mitsuki.
“Oh Inko, don’t even worry about it!”
She puts the bag down before taking out the container of miso soup and placing it on his bedside table.
“Thank you aunty.”
He bites his bottom lip as he stares at the food, noticing the chili flakes floating around and internally smiles a little.
“Did you bring Kacchan his portion yet? I assume you added spice because of him, right?”
There was silence in the room. Izuku looks up and sees the horrified expression on his mother’s face. An indescribable face appeared on Mitsuki before she just smiled again and pretended she didn’t hear anything.
“Come on, eat it!”
“What? Why are you looking at me like that, it’s a valid question.”
“Izuku baby, let’s not–” Inko tries to say gently but Mitsuki interrupts her, “–Katsuki’s dead. Eat up Izuku.”
Mitsuki forcefully shoved the food into his hands, a kind smile on her face but a fierce look in her eyes, telling Izuku that he shouldn’t question anymore.
He couldn’t understand why everyone was saying that. It was just so stupid, of course Kacchan wasn’t dead, there was just no way.
There was no way.
Izuku kept telling himself that.
___
“Welcome back Deku!”
Izuku blinked before smiling in surprise as Uraraka took off the blindfold. The whole class had gathered around the front door to welcome him back, Sato immediately shoving a cupcake in his face.
He had been discharged from the hospital under conditions that he would not be allowed to train or physically exert his body too much.
He looked around and felt a huge feeling of relief and belonging as he recognized all of their familiar faces. While some of them still had bandages or casts, they all looked well and it was reassuring to see.
“This is amazing!” Izuku exclaimed as he took a bite out of the cupcake.
Sato looked embarrassed but gave him a small smile. Izuku happily lets himself get dragged to the kitchen where there were a whole bunch of pastries. Sato bashfully explained that he stressed baked a lot and these were simply the products of staying up late.
Izuku laughs as Mina comes over with a party hat and immediately ties it to his head. Music was immediately played on the speakers as Jirou and Kaminari fought over which songs to play first.
It felt like home, it really did.
Except something felt a little off.
At the dining table, one chair was missing. It was clear that the class had tried to cover it up, evenly spacing out the chairs but Izuku could tell. There were 10 on one side but 9 on the other.
It was Kacchan’s chair.
Izuku frowns, trying to understand why on earth they would take out his chair. Was it a prank? His friends liked to prank him a lot, he wouldn’t put it past Sero and Kirishima.
“Midoriya, what’s wrong?”
Izuku turns around to see Todoroki standing there. There were a bunch of bandages wrapped around his arms, but overall he seemed relatively well.
“Oh! Just wondering why you guys took out Kacchan’s chair… speaking of Kacchan, where is he? Is he sleeping, it’s probably past his bedtime isn’t it?” Izuku laughed, remembering that Kacchan liked to sleep at 8 pm sharp.
“Midoriya… did no one tell you?”
Todoroki’s voice sounded soft, almost gentle. He had a sorrowful look in his eyes as he took in Izuku’s confused features.
“Tell me what? Is he like training or something? Or is he still in the hospital?”
That would make sense! Kacchan was probably in really bad condition and that’s why everyone was refusing to let him see him.
“Bakugou… he’s gone.”
Todoroki’s eyes seemed to avoid Izuku’s, a hesitant and careful tone laced on his voice. He sounded like he was choosing his words with care, afraid of saying the wrong thing.
“Gone where? Don’t tell me he’s at the training grounds, he should know that he’s not supposed to train after fighting such a hard battle.”
Izuku started to ramble, a reprimanding tone in his voice as he talked about how horrible it was to train while still recovering from physical drain and injuries.
“He could seriously hurt himself, you know? I can go stop him, he might put up a fight but I think I could probably–”
Todoroki interrupted him by grabbing Izuku’s hand, a fierce gesture, clearly meant to capture his attention.
“Midoriya. Bakugou died on the battlefield. He’s no longer with us.”
Izuku felt confused for a couple of moments before annoyance and anger filled him. He pulled his arm away and gave Todoroki a disappointing glare.
“This isn’t funny, you know. Everyone’s been telling me that, and it’s honestly a really insensitive joke. I dunno what you guys are trying to accomplish here, but joking about someone dying is not funny.”
Izuku huffs, not waiting for Todoroki’s answer before immediately walking away. He finds Uraraka talking with Tsuyu and joins them.
“Deku! I’m so glad you’re alright.”
Uraraka hugs Izuku and Izuku hugs her back, a small smile on his face. He realized how long it had been since he had any physical touch and realized just how bad he had missed it. It was nice.
“What were you and Todoroki talking about?” She asked as she let go of Izuku, bringing up her hand to offer him juice.
Izuku gratefully took it, suddenly registering how thirsty he was.
“Nothing important. He did say something really insensitive though. He joked that Kacchan was dead, can you believe that? I never expected something like that from Todoroki out of all people.”
He sipped the juice, and when he put the cup down, he noticed the weird looks on Uraraka and Tsuyu’s faces. He awkwardly laughed, scratching his head.
“Um… hi?”
Uraraka shared a glance with Tsuyu before nervously laughing, “Deku… what are you talking about?”
“Oh, just you know. People keep saying that Kacchan’s dead and stuff, and it’s just obviously not true. I honestly don’t know why they keep saying it.”
“Midoriya… Bakugou really is dead. I– I don’t know how else to say it to you.”
Izuku gives Tsuyu a weird look before glancing at Uraraka and seeing her nod in agreement. He couldn’t help but feel annoyed at how many people were in on this stupid prank. Honestly, who went around telling everyone to spread the obviously false rumour that Kacchan was dead? When Kacchan finds out, he’s going to completely blow up.
“Hey, Midoriya needs to rest.” A stern voice said behind them.
Izuku turns around and sees Aizawa standing there, giving them a disappointing look. Aizawa glares at the whole class around them and the music immediately stops.
“Come on. Everyone go back to your dorms and rest.”
___
“What– where am I?”
Izuku finds himself waking up in a completely white space. He stands up and wanders around, trying to call out for someone.
“Hello? Anyone here?”
Izuku strains, trying to hear for anything but the only thing that could be heard was the echo of his own voice.
“Deku?”
Izuku quickly whips his head around, eyes widening when he sees the familiar figure standing in front of him. Blonde hair, red eyes, yep, that was definitely Kacchan.
“Kacchan! Oh my goodness, you can’t scare me like that. I was starting to think I had been kidnapped or something. Where are we anyways?”
Kacchan doesn’t give him an answer, just shrugs and looks at him with an indescribable soft gaze in his eyes.
“I’ve been having a crazy couple of days. Everyone keeps telling me you’re dead. It’s so insane, but obviously you’re not dead because you’re literally right here.”
Izuku reached out to hold Kacchan’s hand, but his fingers went straight through. Izuku blinks and tries again, but his hand just keeps going through Kacchan’s.
“Izuku.”
Izuku looks up, a little bit of a panicked look in his face, “Okay, this is really weird. What is happening?”
“Izuku, you need to wake up. I’m dead, I’m gone.”
“Wh– Kacchan, what’s happening, please!”
Izuku didn’t know what he was pleading for, but everything was starting to make his head spin. He desperately tried to grab Kacchan, but his hands kept going through him.
“Get with reality Izuku, you need to stop dreaming.”
Izuku looks up and sees Kacchan starting to fade away, repeatedly telling him to wake up. He kept trying to grab the embers that were fading away, to desperately hold on to what was fading away.
“Kacchan, no, please, Kacchan!”
Izuku wakes up with a gasp, staring up at his ceiling. He sits up in the sweaty sheets, eyes darting around as he takes in the familiar features of his room.
Kacchan was dead. He was dead. Kacchan was dead. Dead. Dead.
He had known this, Izuku always knew deep down that it was true. He had seen his battered body on the battlefield and he had immediately known that there was no saving him. But he had desperately tried to hold on to some hope, some hope that maybe Edgeshot would succeed.
He had to, or he would go insane.
But that didn’t make it any easier. Kacchan, who he had always admired, who had been the one constant stable thing in his life was gone.
Was no longer there.
There would be no more fighting in secret. No more witty texts. No more staying up at 2 am on call despite living in the same building.
Izuku was finding it harder to breathe.
He could feel his chest contracting with silent sobs and gulps, mind going dizzy with lack of oxygen. The room was starting to spin a little and he had to bury his face into his pillow to keep himself grounded.
He could distantly hear his door open and vaguely wondered if he was being loud right now.
He felt a hand on his back and a steady voice speaking into his ear.
It was Todoroki.
“Midoriya, I’m here okay? Try to breathe.”
___
It didn’t feel real. Waking up, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, lounging in the common room, standing here in front of his grave, waiting for the procedure to begin. It didn’t feel real.
It was a relatively small funeral, and Izuku knew that Kacchan would like that. The only people here were his family and his classmates. No one else.
Time seemed to move too quickly. It felt like there was no time to process his death, and suddenly they were supposed to attend his funeral and celebrate his death? It didn’t feel right.
“Midoriya, you look great.”
Izuku looked up and saw the shaky smile that Kirishima was trying to give him. It was clear he was trying to lighten up the mood a little.
“Thanks, you look good too.”
It didn’t feel right.
The funeral began with Mitsuki and Masaru giving a speech about their son, his achievements, his growth, and how lucky they felt to have him as their son.
It all felt like a blur, people giving their speeches.
The paper that was in his hand was starting to crumple with how much he was shaking while holding it. The speech that he had written and rehearsed so many times started to feel wrong, distant.
When it was his turn to give his speech, he felt all eyes turn on him. He looked down at his paper before realizing that he didn’t want to say any of this. He didn’t want to talk about Kacchan with decorated words, formal language, it didn’t feel right.
Kacchan would kill him if he said any of what was on the paper.
He was going to speak his feelings, the feelings that he had tried to bury down deep inside of him but always prevailed through.
“Kacchan was an asshole,” He could feel Uraraka beside him give him a startled look but he ignored it and continued on. He knew this was what he wanted to say, “He was rude, bratty, loud, annoying, and so much more.”
There was a ripple that ran through the class, everyone giving him warning looks.
“He would yell at me, laugh at me, call me names, but…” Izuku paused, struggling to put what he was thinking into words, “But he was the asshole that drove me to be better. That taught me so many things.”
“Oi, you dumb nerd, I literally did the same move on you. You have to be perceptive when you’re fighting, stop falling for the same things twice!”
“Move right you shithead!”
“Put more power into it, do you think I’m made of skin and bones?”
“I’m going to fucking kill you if you don’t kick me for real.”
“He motivated me to be a hero, he motivated me to train more. But I think the biggest lesson is that…”
Izuku thought of the sound that Kacchan made when he genuinely laughed. The way his smile lifted his cheeks, the way he would fall on the ground to laugh, the way his eyes reflected the happiness of that moment.
He thought of the way that Kacchan’s hair seemed to have a mind of its own. The way it stubbornly stayed in its bed hair, the way that it would flow in the wind, the way that it would remain spiky, reflecting Kacchan’s fierce personality.
He thought of the way that Kacchan fought. He would always move with purpose, always fight till the end for the victory that he strived for.
He thought of the way that Kacchan’s hand felt. The rough calluses on his hand from sweating so much, the tough skin on Izuku’s scarred ones.
“The biggest lesson was that he taught me what love felt like. What it felt like to love him.”
“Oi nerd, what are you looking at?”
“You’re so fucking stupid.”
“You’re smart sometimes… I guess. And I’m only saying that because I need someone good to beat!”
“Loving him is like the rivers on the hills, always flowing and changing but somehow still ending up at the same place. Despite all the ups and downs, it remains unchanging.”
“Look, I fucking hate you okay?”
“… I’m sorry.”
“Eat properly shithead, here’s katsudon and I want the bowl fucking empty when I get back, okay?”
“It was never easy, but that was the part that made it so much more worth it. We fought all the time,”
“Why did I end up having to chase after someone who was always so far behind me!?”
“Argued,”
“I’m going to be number one, not you shitty Deku!”
“Made each other cry,”
“Just… shut up.”
“If someone gave me the option to go back in time, there’s so much I would change but falling in love with him wouldn’t be one of them. Thank you.”