Chapter Text
The voice of Carla Connor was going to be the death of her.
‘You mustn’t put yourself in harm’s way. Not just for Betsy’s sake…’
Lisa couldn’t control when Carla’s words replayed in her mind. They were normally with her in the morning. They popped up during inappropriate moments at work. The actual evening they were uttered, she had fallen asleep with the husky incantation in her head. She was grateful that a busy shift the following day drowned the phrase out, only for Carla to appear at the station and give it new life. She could have sworn that Carla looked more than a little disappointed when they agreed to move on from ‘something that never even happened’. Lisa was trying to convince herself just as much as Carla with that statement. Everything had happened. Every single inch of her had come alive during that communion with Carla’s eyes. The explosion of desire would not be curtailed. It was as if, having purposely shut down the needs of her body for years, it was now seeking revenge with an almighty display of arousal. The best she could do was calmly register the ferocity and attempt to carry on. Each interaction with Carla was an orchestrated act of medium range friendship - close and caring, attentive and concerned, banter and smiles that kept them on just the right side of platonic affection. She could do it, but only in small bursts.
As she emerged from Roy’s with her morning coffee, she prepared herself for another of those efforts. Carla’s beaming face was there to greet her at the door, explaining how made up she was at news of her reinstatement.
‘Hey, we should go out and celebrate one night.’
‘Yeah, well I’m always up for a night out.’ Lisa heard herself say. ‘What did you have in mind?’
‘Aw ye know what, I think we deserve the whole shebang. Bite to eat, drinks in town. Might even take you out dancing if you can keep up.’ Carla laughed.
‘Out, out you mean? Careful Carla. That sounds like a challenge…’’
‘How about tomorrow?’
‘Yeah. Definitely’
‘Good. That’s sorted then.’
Lisa’s grin stayed on her face as she turned to go, but soon gave way to a look of mild panic. Keeping up the facade for a few minutes here and there was one thing. To keep the act going for an entire evening doused in alcohol was another. She toyed with the idea of making up an excuse and pulling out, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to do it. What she needed was a strategy. One that would keep them within the parameters they’d agreed. Maybe, if she clarified early doors just how much she valued their friendship, and explained she was glad they had managed to maintain it, that would be enough to keep the proceedings sensible. Maybe. Definitely maybe.
…
The next evening, waiting for Lisa, Carla surveyed the familiar hum of the bistro, allowing herself to admit there was something altogether unfamiliar in the excitement she felt. She’d been in this position countless times over the years; hoping for a meaningful evening, for the rewards of connection in its many forms. Time and time again, be it with so-called friends or even partners, she’d been disappointed. She tried to pinpoint the difference with this new and spectacular person as she savoured her wine, mulling over what elevated their every encounter. Part of it was the guarantee that she would simply enjoy herself, that she could rely on a familiar warmth that was hers to bask in all evening. Part of it was knowing that in Lisa she had met some kind of spiritual match. She was decent and kind and genuine and all of those universally celebrated things, but underneath it all, more than anything else, she was fierce. Fierce as fuck. And yet, she allowed herself to be vulnerable too. Maybe that’s why the fascination had recently wandered into infatuation. Out of respect, and to avoid any more accusations of tourism, she’d tried to reign it in, only to find herself regressing to a giddy teenager any time Lisa was within a ten metre radius.
She knew that Ryan’s gentle mocking was well intended, designed to help her take the leap and see where she might land. But Lisa had said it herself - she wasn’t cut out for casual. If Carla wasn’t completely clear on what it was she could offer, she had no business offering anything at all. Lisa meant too much. She deserved so much more than to be the object of someone’s foray into the unknown. She watched a couple at the next table pick at their starters while staring into their phones. They had barely said a word to each other since their arrival. When she was with Lisa, she felt like one of the most important people in her world. She felt seen. She took another drop of wine before Toyah startled her.
‘Whose the lucky fella?’
‘What? Eh, no. Meeting a friend actually. We’re going into town…. Nights out are few and far between when you get to my age. Got to make the most of it.’ She hadn’t made much more of an effort than her normal get up. Maybe a smudge more eye liner and lip gloss, a bit more life to her freshly tousled hair.
‘Well good luck. It’s a jungle out there.’
Carla offered a wry smile and sipped more wine. Toyah’s assessment was correct. The dating scene was potentially a jungle, one she had no wish to enter at this stage of her life.
She glanced at her phone again, then she set eyes on her. Lisa was standing at the door with a shy air of apprehension; hair down, black halter neck, skin tight trousers and calf high boots. There was a heavier definition to her make up, a smoky scowl that turned into a seductive smile when Lisa’s scanning eventually settled on her. Carla enjoyed watching her approach. Maybe she was underestimating that particular part, how much she liked to look at her. As she watched the play of the muscles in her strong arms, the shape of her hips as she negotiated the stairs, it gave her a new understanding of the word ‘attraction.’ She just wanted to be near her. She felt something within herself soar. The exact nature of what she wanted to do with and to her body eluded her, or so she told herself, but one thing was clear; she was compelled to be as close to it as possible, for as long as she possibly could.
‘Hey. Good to see you. Sorry I’m late. Betsy was…being Betsy.’’ Lisa smiled sweetly before taking her seat opposite.
Carla already knew that she was going to enjoy the evening far more than was appropriate for a few hours with a ‘friend’. But they’d agreed hadn’t they? Lisa’s effort wasn’t specifically for her, she had to remember that.
‘You’re fine. Nice outfit. That’s an ‘out,out’ ensemble if ever I’ve seen one.’
She thought she saw Lisa blush.
‘Yeah well, nice to get out of my detective clothes. Sometimes I feel half copper half librarian...You don’t look too shabby yourself.’
‘Thanks. I took the liberty of getting us a bottle. I’m a glass ahead.’
Lisa slid her glass over, her fingers accidentally brushing against Carla’s. When it was almost full they made a toast to her reinstatement.
‘Cheers. You have no idea what this means to me Carla. Adult company, getting out. Having you as a friend. I’m so glad we managed to hold on to that. I value it so much.’
‘Yeah, I do too. You know that.’
Lisa’s sheepish smile confirmed what Carla suspected. That her message of appreciation was also a friendly warning, a nod to their terms and conditions. Fair enough.
‘Hey, listen.’ Lisa said. ‘If we do make it to a club, do you mind if we go to one of my kind? I’ve just been thinking…never know, might get lucky.’
A look of surprise crossed Carla’s face.
‘Fine by me. I thought you didn’t do casual?’
‘First time for everything.’ She sighed heavily. ‘I literally haven’t been touched in three years. Surely you wouldn’t deny me an exception to the rule?’
Carla was caught off guard by the admission, by the images it brought to mind. She found Lisa’s eyes.
‘There’s nothing I would deny you.’
Lisa, equally taken aback, almost choked on her first sip. Not just at the words themselves but at the change of intonation. Carla continued.
‘What if…What if just for tonight we could somehow separate things. If I was your experiment. So that you’re the tourist and not the other way round?’
Lisa let her eyes dart from the fullness of Carla’s lips to the intensity of her eyes while she felt a playful, electrifying stroke on her wrist.
‘Carla…’
‘I’m just saying... You decide. I want this night to be for you, for whatever you want -’
‘Carla can we just…change the subject? Please.’ She looked around desperately for contact with a waitress.
….
With the help of wine and a gin and tonic for the road, they were able to move past Carla’s offering and keep to familiar topics - work, colleagues, Ryan and Betsy and Bobby and Roy, the occasional tales of previous partners and embarrassing teenage anecdotes. They sat, happily transfixed, each indulging in appreciation of the other. But all through their talk Lisa returned to the enticing possibilities. Ever since Carla had entered her life, it was getting harder and harder to cope with the physical frustrations. In fact, that very morning, Carla had been front and centre of her fantasies as she shuddered with the only touch she’d known for some time - her own. Carla had been on top of her, whispering her name as she -
‘Lisa? I said should we get going?
Lisa cleared her throat.
‘Sorry. I was miles away there….Yeah sounds good. Let’s move on.’
She silently chided herself. Friends, remember? The strategic protection of a vital relationship. One they’d both come to rely on too much to risk for a fleeting episode of release. So she told herself, as they linked arms in the damp air of the street, ready to embrace the next stage of their evening together.