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Rei realizes something is wrong the moment he opens his eyes. But it’s not the ravenous hunger he feels, or the vague nausea that accompanies it. And it’s not the unfamiliar ceiling either, or the man warm under the blankets right next to him- though both are briefly disconcerting as well.
But the memories come back to him quick enough. The syndicate is gone, the last stragglers in the upper echelon arrested just last week. And last night, the Kudos held a small party in celebration- for Shinichi, mainly, and all his little friends. Somehow, Rei ended up tricked into attending, maneuvered by Akai into at least showing his face.
It hadn’t been as obnoxious as Rei expected it would be, even if the first graders running around made it seem more like a chaperoning event than anything else. He mostly smiled amiably and said nothing of note, a cup of lemonade in hand. There was no alcohol to loosen inhibitions, but he’s never needed alcohol to excel in social situations.
Right now, Rei half-wishes there was. At least then he could’ve blamed sleeping with Akai as a drunken mistake.
But no- he has nothing but his own weakness to blame. He misstepped, staring at his old photos before going to the party. It made him vulnerable, lonely, and Akai knew exactly how to take advantage of that. Knew what he needed to say, and not say, to have Rei following him to a hotel room for the first time in years.
The sex was good. Extremely good. Rei wanted to be wrecked, and Akai complied to the letter. He pinned Rei down to the bed - making good use of gravity and his normally-infuriating slight physical advantage - well enough to make it impossible for Rei to move.
Few to no men could get the better of him in that way, no matter that it was only because Rei showed Akai vulnerability in the first place. That was more than enough to get his cock perking up, his cunt drawing open. Face pressed down into the soft pillows, he desperately wanted Akai to fill him up right then and there.
So he stayed put even when Akai shifted one hand off of him to drag down his pants, drew open his own fly and slipped on a condom with a crinkle of plastic. And when Akai slapped his bare ass with a hand, leaned down to his ear to murmur a soft “Open up,”- his face grew red hot, humiliation burning in him.
But so did greedy arousal.
Rei pushed his ass into the air and spread his legs for better access, and gasped despite himself at the pain-pleasure when Akai pushed himself into his wet cunt with no preparation. He bucked up eagerly when Akai refused to move, but Akai soon stopped that with firm hands squeezing his hips tight into place.
“Bastard,” Rei gritted out, trying in vain to twitch onto Akai’s cock stretching him open. But Akai was too strong, and Rei was stuck with his cock just getting harder and harder.
It was normal to be drawn to power, after all.
In the end, Rei was forced to do nothing but squeeze his cunt around Akai’s cock, until Akai was satisfied that he was thoroughly adjusted to its girth. Rei couldn’t see Akai’s face, not pressed down into the bed. But he could still imagine Akai’s slight smile, calm and infuriating.
He might’ve made another cursory attempt to fight back at that thought- but then Akai began to rail him, and soon his mind was lost to gasps and moans and more more more more-
Akai fully controlled the pace last night. It was what Rei wanted, what he asked for. Even when Rei bounced on Akai’s cock for one round, the way Akai squeezed his ass cheeks made it clear he could pin him back down and claim him whenever he wanted.
Rei, embarrassingly, came harder last night than ever before.
So. The sex was good. Rei can’t bring himself to regret that part- even if he regrets agreeing to it so very easily. He’s certain Akai will come press his luck again, now that Rei has accepted him once.
But he does regret losing himself so deeply in pleasure that he missed a condom breaking.
With an already resigned expression, he draws a hand down under the covers to his still-bare stomach. It’s no longer flat and toned- his hand flits over a gentle swell. He’s sure it would already be obvious to see no matter how loose of a shirt he wore.
A groan escapes his mouth.
Akai knocked him up.
He was a fool. It isn’t as though he doesn’t keep track of his cycle- he knew perfectly well last night that there was a good chance he was ovulating. Logically, he ought to have turned Akai down.
If only logic didn’t fly out the window whenever he faced Akai.
But while not ideal, it’s not the end of the world that he’s been impregnated. Pregnancies only last a week, after all, and childbirth is a simple enough process. Lactating for the next few months would be bothersome, but manageable. He would shudder if humans had to go through the same arduous pregnancies that many animals do.
Since he’s not intending to keep it, he’s allowed up to two weeks for paternity leave- more only if he has trouble finding a suitable family. But newborns are popular for adoption, considering a good minority of people are entirely infertile, and so he hopes it won’t be an issue.
If it is, if the baby is born with too-foreign looks and no one wants to accept it as their own-
Well. He’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
(But he does know he can’t bear to leave a child in a facility like the one he grew up in.
Even if he doesn’t think he’s capable of loving it.)
It wouldn’t be good for his career to take the leave at all, admittedly. But his superiors should look past it as long as he doesn’t make a habit of it.
Regardless of the logistics of the situation, however, Rei is still annoyed.
And he knows exactly who to blame.
“Akai,” says Rei, and flicks Akai’s forehead none-too-gently. “I know you’re awake.”
Akai is tucked comfortably into Rei’s side, smile too satisfied and breathing too regular to be properly asleep. Just as Rei expects, Akai cracks open an eye, raises an eyebrow.
“It seems your skill with a gun doesn’t translate to skill in bed,” says Rei, prickly. “You can’t even use a condom right.”
(Yes, Rei is equally to blame, for melting so thoroughly and leaving everything in Akai’s hands. But he’s annoyed, somewhat nauseous, and horrendously hungry, and he wants to take it all out on someone.)
Akai’s eyes widen, just a touch- he shifts up to throw the blankets off them both. Rei shivers a little as the cool air hits bare skin, and grimaces as he stares down at his swelling stomach. He really is knocked up, and visibly so. Pregnancy proceeds the fastest on the first day, after all. By the second day, the baby has a chance, if small, of surviving outside the womb, and usually begins to kick.
His expression even more inscrutable than usual, Akai is oddly silent as he stares at Rei’s stomach.
“Don’t worry. I don’t intend to keep it,” says Rei, waving a hand dismissively. He stares down at his belly with a grimace. “Though I will expect you to take responsibility for this week at l-”
“-Then I’ll take it.”
Rei’s mouth slams shut, his body moving faster than his mind. It takes a moment, two, for Akai’s words to properly register- and even then, he doesn’t understand them.
“What?” Rei says, his gaze whipping back to Akai.
Akai’s expression remains inscrutable. “I won’t ask for your support.”
“That’s not what I-” Rei shakes his head, as if that would somehow nudge the world back into place. “You want a baby? Why?”
A shrug that explains nothing. Was Akai some extremist morally opposed to adoption? But no, he’d insist on Rei’s support if that were the case. And Akai never struck Rei as the type either way. He must want to keep the baby for other reasons.
But no other justifications come to mind. There’s no logical reason to take on such a burden from a one night stand- Akai should have little attachment to a baby from a man he’s always spent more time fighting than fucking. Perhaps fatherhood itself is enough for Akai to step up, regardless of the situation. How noble of him.
Rei pinches his nose. “Are you even legally alive?”
Akai pauses for a moment, then shakes his head. He doesn’t even have the sense to at least look sheepish.
“How do you even plan to care for it as a single father?” Rei continues. “You’ve just quit your job.” Inexplicably. Wanting to stay in Japan or not, who quits their job before finding another? “How will you afford it?”
“I have more savings than you think, Furuya-kun,” Akai just says. “It won’t be an issue.”
While Akai can be obnoxiously secretive at times, he’s never been the type to outright lie, or act irresponsibly. So- it must be the truth. All Akai really needs is enough savings to last until the baby reaches school age- it’d be far simpler to pick up a job after then.
“…Fine. Then we’ll do this,” says Rei, caressing his swell almost unconsciously. There’s a baby growing swiftly in there. Akai’s son. It still doesn’t feel quite real. “We’ll register him on my family register with you as a foreign parent- they won’t bother to look into whether you’re legally alive then. You’ll still be his caretaker, and if you work out your citizenship in Japan, I’ll transfer him onto yours.”
There’s a curious look to Akai’s gaze now, as though he didn’t quite expect Rei to be so cooperative. Rei just huffs.
“Newborns are popular to adopt,” he says, “But newborns who look too foreign might not be. We won’t know what he looks like until he’s born. I’ve no interest in being a father unless I have to, much less with you, so I won’t turn down your offer.”
And it’s an all too precious thing for a child to be wanted by a parent. It’s a love that Rei has never known, and a love he doubts he’ll ever give.
“I’m rather surprised you trust me that much.”
Rei gives him a dirty look. “I wouldn’t have let you in my bed if I didn’t.”
Akai’s eyes widen again- then melt back down into something a little too soft for Akai Shuichi. Pathetic. Rei didn’t realize a simple one night stand as their true selves would tame Akai this much.
“But for now,” says Rei, “I meant it when I said to take responsibility for this week.”
They sell both paternity and maternity wear in stores, loose enough to wear throughout a week of pregnancy. But it’s late spring, and decently warm. And Rei has little desire to step outside when he has Akai’s son growing in his belly. The very thought almost makes his cheeks burn.
If he meets anyone he knows, they would inevitably ask- who’s the other parent? And Rei would either have to admit that he let his much-beloathed Akai Shuichi into his bed, or claim he’d prefer not to say: neither of which are ideal outcomes.
So Rei hurries back to his apartment in a too-tight shirt before his belly grew too large to even squeeze into that, then proceeds to close the curtains and go shirtless the rest of the time. He does send Akai out to buy him a set of paternity wear, because he’ll unfortunately need it to visit a hospital or clinic- but for most of the week, he doesn’t intend to leave his home.
Back in his apartment, Akai gives Rei’s bare stomach something of a longing look- at least by Akai’s standards. Rei just rolls his eyes.
“Come here,” Rei says impatiently, slapping the spot next to him on the couch.
And while Akai blinks, he obeys without question, the couch shifting under them as he sits down.
Rei promptly drags Akai’s hand to his stomach- Akai’s eyes widen a touch.
“I’m bearing your son, Akai,” Rei says. “You can touch my stomach if you want to that badly.”
Akai’s eyes soften. “My son, hm?”
“Would you have preferred a woman to bear you a daughter?” Rei says, snide.
Men bear sons, and women bear daughters. Barring a few atypical situations, that’s simply the way it is- and their situation, for once, is typical. He can’t bear daughters, and neither can Akai.
“No,” says Akai, and leans down to press a light kiss against Rei’s belly.
Rei has to suppress a surprised jolt. They might’ve fucked more than once, but they’ve never kissed in any way- and certainly nothing as soft as a fluttering kiss to bare skin.
But it’s clear that Akai meant to kiss his son and not Rei, so it’s easy enough to dismiss.
Akai draws back up, his hand gently caressing the swell. “I adore him already.”
“You don’t even know him,” Rei says, exasperated.
“He’s your son,” says Akai, as though that’s all that matters. Incomprehensible, and also incorrect.
A child that one gives up isn’t one’s own, no matter what biological connections there might be. Rei is no father unless he chooses to be. It’s a simple fact of life, at least in Japan. After all, imagine the alternative. It’s far too easy to birth unwanted children- forcing that biological connection to stay would leave them unwanted forever.
Some children stay unwanted forever either way- but others, at least, get a chance.
Perhaps Rei won’t give the child up legally. But they came to an implicit agreement that Rei will give him up in essence, and so the child shouldn’t be his. At least as far as they’re concerned.
“I’m giving him to you,” says Rei. “Logistics alone will keep him on my register for now. He won’t be mine.”
Something unreadable flickers in Akai’s eyes. “My apologies. You’re correct.”
“As long as you don’t forget again.”
The nausea at least passes soon enough- by the second day, Rei isn’t feeling it anymore, though his stomach has ballooned to the size of a basketball. The hunger, unfortunately, remains. He’s ravenous every few hours while awake- the baby in his belly is so very needy. If there's a biological component at play here, then Rei blames it on Akai’s genes.
Akai, meanwhile, mostly just seems cheery. Even when Rei sends him off to satisfy one of his fleeting cravings for the third time in a single day, he heads out with a small smile and comes back with the food and an expectant look. If Akai had a tail, it would be wagging.
“I don’t understand you, Akai Shuichi,” Rei grumbles, digging into the fourth hamburger he’s had this lunch. He takes a generous bite and swallows, his swollen belly pressing a little into the kitchen table. Finally, his stomach is beginning to feel sated- nobody ever mentioned how hungry pregnancy would make him.
From the other side of the table, Akai simply raises an eyebrow.
Rei huffs, and doesn’t bother to clarify.
But while the hunger is obnoxious, it’s dealt with easily enough.
The incessant arousal that hits him on day three is another story.
He googles it, after spending an hour with his thoughts helplessly wandering to Akai’s cock and how to get it back into him. Reportedly, it’s a common experience mid-pregnancy, particularly for men. A man’s cunt normally only opens when he’s sufficiently aroused, just as a woman’s cock would only unsheathe itself when she’s growing hard. But on days three to four of a male pregnancy, his cunt stops closing in preparation for the upcoming birth.
And that tends to cause constant arousal.
Yet another thing no one ever talks about.
Perhaps he would’ve kept himself together, if he were at home alone. But when he steps out of the bedroom to see Akai sitting on the couch wearing a pair of reading glasses, book in hand, lust overtakes him.
Before he knows it, he’s on his knees panting in front of Akai.
Akai blinks down at him from behind oval lenses. “Furuya-kun?”
Rei nuzzles his nose into Akai’s crotch. He can feel it slowly getting hard- the sound of Akai swallowing hits his ears.
“Furuya-kun,” Akai says again, voice a touch more strained this time. “What exactly do you want?”
What an inane question. In lieu of responding, Rei catches the pants zipper with his lips, dragging it down- and promptly mouths at the half-hard cock peeking out through the fly in Akai’s underwear.
An aborted, breathy noise escapes Akai. To Rei’s lust-filled mind, it’s nothing but beautiful. At last, Akai’s hand reaches down to clench at Rei’s hair- the tight stretch, the slightest pain, is perfect.
Rei hums happily- and stops moving. He simply warms the tip of Akai’s hardening cock in his mouth.
He’s sure Akai can tell what he wants.
Akai hums back, more contemplative than anything else, then gently pushes Rei deeper onto his cock- Rei goes eagerly, his thighs rubbing together for friction when the cock hits the back of his throat and he chokes. Akai pulls him back just as gently, and Rei moans, the sound muffled around Akai’s cock.
“Faster?” Akai asks, almost a murmur.
Rei nods eagerly, Akai’s cock bouncing with him in his mouth. Akai’s hand is so strong and tight in his hair, keeping him firmly in place, firmly on Akai’s cock.
His cunt feels wet and empty. But Akai won’t fuck him the way he wants in his cunt, not right now. Not with the baby he’s carrying in him, his swollen belly large and shifting with every move he makes. Akai is just that kind of person these days.
His mouth, however, is a different story. Rei is sure of that.
“Cover your teeth,” Akai orders, and automatic offense wells in Rei for a moment.
His pride asks him: does he really intend to submit to this man?
His logic answers: he already has, and he’s chosen to give him a child because of it.
Rei’s cock twitches.
Besides, is he really to blame? Akai is so very strong. If he wanted to, he could claim Rei as much as he wanted, and even if Rei struggled against it, he would be forced to submit in the end.
So what else can he do but let Akai use him like he wants?
(He ignores that he could always just bite Akai’s cock off. It ruins the fantasy.)
Keening lowly, Rei rolls his lips over his teeth and opens wide and ready.
His gag reflex has never been that strong, and this isn’t the first time he’s choked on Akai’s cock. Rei humps eagerly onto the floor as Akai fucks his mouth full, thrusting freely with Akai’s hand keeping his head tight in place.
Akai screws his mouth like he would a cunt, rolling his hips and pistoning. Rei’s jaw is beginning to hurt, his throat aching- Akai thrusts his cock in again, and a choked gasp escapes Rei.
His cock strains up against his swollen belly.
It feels so terribly good to be used for once, to be forced to lose control. Akai doesn’t touch Rei’s cock, or his wet gaping cunt leaking out onto his thighs, but the strong hand in his hair, the cock thrusting into his mouth as if it’s just another pussy for Akai to use-
It’s everything Rei needs. It’s everything Rei could want. His whole body feels hot, and heat is pooling both in his stomach and the base of his cock. He doesn’t know how long it’s been - too long, and yet not long enough - but eventually, Akai thrusts deep into Rei’s mouth, cock hitting the back of his throat, and Rei lets loose a muffled whine.
Vision going white with sheer pleasure, his cock splatters onto the couch and his pregnant belly.
Akai pauses, takes a ragged breath, then. “I’m always surprised at how well your mouth works as a cunt,” he says, voice mild.
It’s not really dirty talk. Akai has never particularly excelled on that front, not as Rye and clearly not as Akai. But a neutral statement of facts is somehow worse, and Rei finds a choked whimper escaping him despite himself.
His cunt is still so wet.
Akai returns to fucking him- it seems he’s close as well, with the way his breaths are going staccato. A quiet gasp escapes him, and Akai is coming into Rei’s mouth, filling it with a bitter taste that Rei has never quite liked.
Rei still obediently swallows, and finally lets the soft cock slip out of his mouth.
Akai carries him to bed after that, wipes him down and brings him warm tea to soothe his throat. As thorough as ever nowadays, even when it’s unnecessary. Back in the day, he was never this gentle with him. Rei would blame his pregnancy, but Akai was equally gentle with him after they fucked the other day.
It disconcerts him.
So he drags Akai into another round of sex as soon as he’s drunk down his tea, wrapping his legs around Akai - or at least the best he can with his big belly getting in the way - and demanding his cock.
As he expects, Akai complies. But also as he expects, Akai sets an obnoxiously slow and careful pace when he fucks Rei’s actual cunt. Rei wants to say it’s ridiculous, that the baby wouldn’t notice a thing no matter how roughly Akai fucked him- but it’s also not so bad, seeing Akai so needlessly careful with his future son.
Rei can’t say he’s particularly attached to the being growing in his belly. It’s a brief inconvenience and nothing more. But he’s never quite been able to destroy his empathy for other unloved children, and so he’s glad that this one at least will have a parent who loves them unconditionally.
“Furuya-kun,” says Akai later that afternoon, once they’re all cleaned up and back on the couch together. “Would you mind if I stayed for a short while after the birth?”
Ah. Now that Akai mentions it- lodging would be an issue, wouldn’t it? He can’t exactly bring a baby back to the Kudo Mansion. Or rather, admittedly- he probably could, considering how the Kudos are. They’d probably coo over it and be overjoyed for them both.
It wouldn’t be particularly fair to Shinichi though, who’s just returned to being himself. And while perhaps Akai wouldn’t care either way, it would be rather rude to impose on the Kudos for longer than he needs to.
“You have plans for the long term?” Rei asks.
“My family is helping me look into housing.”
But a week’s notice would naturally be a bit short to finalize anything.
Rei can’t say the thought of living with Akai and a baby particularly enthuses him. His apartment is already small, a simple one bedroom- Akai has been sharing his double bed during his stay here. It had been out of ill-thought spite and nothing else that he demanded Akai stay and cater to his every need for the week. If he had been thinking a little more calmly, he would’ve just chased him out instead.
But living with Akai these past few days hasn’t been as bad as he would’ve expected. Akai is an unobtrusive house guest, and it’s admittedly been nice to have him at his beck and call. He’s aware that won’t continue once the baby is born, but still- it would be tolerable, sharing a space with Akai for a short while longer.
It’s not so bad, having someone happy to listen to whatever he has to say.
(And sleepless nights from a baby’s tears would be little different than sleepless nights staring blankly at a laptop screen.)
Besides, it would be social suicide to kick Akai out onto the streets with a newborn baby. It doesn’t matter that no one would see the baby as his once he gave it up- it would still be seen as heartless. He would rather Shinichi not think even worse of him. Rei hasn’t quite lost the hope he could still drag that sharp mind into the NPA.
“Very well,” says Rei. “Have you already bought everything you’ll need? You might as well move it in now.”
Akai shakes his head, and Rei’s eyes narrow with suspicion.
“You do know what you need, don’t you?” Rei demands, exasperated. “A bassinet and wearable blankets. Baby bottles. A car seat or a stroller, to take him for checkups. Akai Shuichi.” He points at the door. “Your son will be here in days. Go get everything ready.”
Love is all well and good, but there’s little point in love without all the practicalities dealt with too. He’s beginning to suspect Akai has no idea what he’s getting into. Perhaps Rei is partially to blame, for demanding Akai do nothing but listen to his whims for the week- but he could’ve just asked for some time to go shopping for his new son.
Honestly. Maybe it’s a good thing that Akai is staying for a little bit longer.
On day five, Rei begins to lactate.
After that unpleasant surprise on day three, Rei read through every clinical article on pregnancy he could find to properly prepare himself- as clearly, his knowledge was embarrassingly lacking for once. So this time, he’s not taken aback when he wakes up to his breasts aching and his nipples leaking.
His breasts had already gotten rather perky- big enough for Akai to cup with his hands, though not so big they’d be noticeable through a suit jacket. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem lactating has made them get too much bigger.
He would be lactating for around the next six months, or longer if he continued to pump past when his milk production began to slow down. But for the first little while, he would have no choice but to pump. His breasts would constantly produce milk, and he would begin leaking and aching painfully if he didn’t release it.
Another annoyance that Rei could do without. There’s no way he’s pumping any more than he strictly needs to. And as soon as he’s finished giving birth, he’s going on birth control.
Well. Assuming he continues to sleep with Akai, he supposes.
So since he’s forced to do it anyway, there’s little reason not to give the milk to Akai. He doesn’t intend to personally breastfeed Akai’s child, but why let the milk go to waste?
He didn’t expect Akai to stare with such open interest across the table as Rei hand-pumped milk out from a breast. It’s horribly rude - Rei should’ve expected no less from Akai - but well-
Rei can’t say he hates it.
(It isn’t as though he’s gotten any less horny in the last couple days. His cunt is as wet and open as ever. The frequent sex has sated him a bit, that’s all.)
“Akai,” he says, clinking the pump down onto the table. He squeezes his breast, just a little- a drop of white milk drips down, splashes onto his swollen stomach. “Would you like to try?”
“Pumping it?”
“That too, if you’d like,” says Rei. “But I rather meant suckling it.”
Akai half-chokes, though he quickly disguises it with a cough- Rei watches with fascination as Akai’s cheek are dusted with the faintest of pinks. So this, of all things, is enough to finally catch Akai off-guard.
“It’s for the baby.”
Rei pointedly glances at the two containers of milk on the table that he’s already almost filled.
“I’ll have more than enough,” Rei says, voice dry. He’ll probably have to throw some of it away at this rate.
It’s solid logic, and it’s enough to convince Akai- though Rei imagines he doesn’t need much convincing, with how obviously he was staring at Rei’s chest just now. Akai slips around the table and onto his knees, pushing his face into Rei’s closest breast. He licks at Rei’s nipple once, cleaning the still-dripping milk off of it- then sucks it into his mouth.
A breathy sigh escapes Rei. His nipples are far too sensitive now that he’s lactating, and it’s a relieving sensation to have milk sucked out from his breast. Akai nips at the nipple as he suckles, then licks it again- Rei’s thighs rub together, his underwear beginning to feel rather soaked. It’s so bothersome to be constantly aroused.
But he can’t say he dislikes the aching pleasure that accompanies it.
Akai’s hand reaches up, pinches Rei’s other nipple in a light grip- milk spurts out in a spray onto the table, an utter mess and an utter waste.
But it feels so very good. Rei can’t bring himself to care too much, not right now. His milk begins to slow, flowing warm down his breast and over his stomach’s large swell- Akai bites lightly at Rei’s nipple again, and Rei can’t help but moan.
“Akai,” Rei says, strangled. “Bed.”
There’s an obnoxious glint of satisfaction in Akai’s eyes as he pops off Rei’s nipple and stands up to draw Rei into a bridal carry.
But he’s willing to look past it as long as Akai gets his cock into him in the next thirty seconds.
“Have you decided what to name him?” Rei asks, late at night in bed on his sixth day of pregnancy.
It’s likely he’ll go into labour sometime between now and the next day. He’ll go to the hospital early if his water still hasn’t broken by the day after tomorrow- but for now, it’s a waiting game.
“…Why do you ask?” Akai asks. He won’t be your child, is the implication.
“I can be curious as a bystander,” Rei says.
“Perhaps as a friend.”
“Don’t push your luck, Akai Shuichi,” says Rei, curt. He feels his baby kick inside him- his hand draws down to soothe him. “So? The name?”
Akai sighs, a quiet sigh that Rei can’t quite parse. “Reo.”
“Reo?” Rei echoes. The sound, at least, resembles Rei’s name far too much for him to like it, but it’s not as though he has a say. And he supposes it doesn’t matter too much. There’s no one left alive who uses his first name, and the characters are likely completely different. “How is it written?”
“With mio and sakura.”
Rei falls silent. The entire room feels thunderingly silent, though nothing has changed between this moment and the last.
Sakura. Cherry blossoms. Simple enough- o was an alternative reading for the character when used in a name.
Mio. A waterway, technically, though the character is typically only used for names. It incorporates the character for zero.
And so naturally, its alternate reading is Rei.
“He won’t be my child,” Rei finally says.
“I know.” Simple. Resigned.
Akai wants him to be Rei’s child.
Akai wants a child with Rei.
In retrospect, Rei had been closing his eyes to the signs this entire past week. It was obvious what Akai truly wanted every time he slipped and called his own son Rei’s.
But that name- Rei can’t close his eyes to that name. It’s too obvious, a desperate longing. A desperate attempt at a connection that Rei plans to sever.
Rei never intended to keep the child unless his hands were forced. So it’s bad, bad for Akai to want the child to be Rei’s. It risks a continued connection where there should be none.
Even putting aside Akai, and Rei’s incapability for anything beyond sex with him, he still doesn’t feel an ounce of love for his soon-to-be-born baby. The child shouldn’t have a parent who doesn’t love him. Not when he could instead be basking in Akai’s immediate and unconditional love.
Rei can’t bear to do that to him.
“I think it would be best if you moved to the couch,” says Rei. Curt. Matter-of-fact. It’s convenient to share a bed, but it’s better not to string Akai along if they’re not on the same page.
Akai’s eyes flick closed. “Understood,” he says, and shifts off the bed without complaint.
Rei watches silently as Akai plods away.
(He wishes the bed didn’t feel quite so cold.)
Love has never been something that Rei felt so easily.
He loved Doctor Elena, after the months she spent building trust with him. He loved Hiro, as the years passed and he eventually grew to trust the other boy more than himself. And he learnt to love Matsuda, Hagiwara, and Date, through all the hijinks they got up to.
Thirty years of life, and he can count the number of people he’s loved on a single hand. The number of people he’s genuinely cared for isn’t much higher.
(Rye. Once upon a time. He couldn’t love him, not a ruthless killer. But it was all too easy to forget that when working with him- it’s why Rei learnt to demand rough sex when they fucked. It helped him remember who Rye was.
Unfortunately, it rather backfired in the end- now he’s stuck with a kink for it.
And his heart still shattered at Rye’s betrayal either way.)
So he can fuck Akai, and he can perhaps even enjoy time spent with him- but he can’t love him. His heart already tore for him once, and Rei can’t sew it back together so easily.
He’s already patchwork. He doesn’t have any more thread to spare.
And a child… a stranger, in the end. Rei knows he won’t love him out of the blue, no matter that he birthed him. It’s just not the way he works.
Still. Perhaps he’s heard too many stories, of mothers and fathers immediately feeling a connection the moment they look into their child’s eyes. Because when he finally births the newborn baby after a half-day of uncomfortable labour, and holds him in his arms-
He finds there’s still quiet disappointment in him when he doesn’t feel a single thing. Not even wonder or interest- all he feels is vague tiredness at best.
But Rei knew this was coming. It’s nothing to be disappointed about- he already expected it. He’s never quite been normal, has he?
(Bitterness still fills his chest.)
“Will you be keeping him?” asks a nurse on duty.
Rei wants to say no. But no matter the love he’s missing, he won’t tear this child from a parent who actually loves him. Akai can’t legally take him as his own just yet, so Rei will do what he needs to.
“Yes,” says Rei, and that’s that.
He buys a spare futon for the living room, to use while Akai is still here with the new baby.
“It’s your apartment,” Akai tries to argue, the baby swaddled and sleeping in his arms.
“You have a baby,” Rei says, and refuses to budge an inch. Stubbornness, at least, is one battle he’s never lost against Akai.
Rei doesn’t intend to help with the baby. Akai said he wouldn’t ask for support- Rei should hold him to it. He wouldn’t have any connection to the child at all if Akai hadn’t insisted on taking it.
But the very first night they take him back from the hospital, Rei is awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of a baby crying. That in itself isn’t anything unexpected.
The way it doesn’t stop for some minutes is. Rei can hear Akai trying to hush the child, a thread of worry in Akai’s voice.
Fool. He has no idea what he’s doing, does he? Akai actually has family, unlike Rei- why not press his mother for information? His father may have birthed him, but his mother likely still helped.
Practicalities over love. Rei slips out of his futon. It would be pointless to let a child suffer because his doting parent finally discovered something he was incompetent at. Rei has gone undercover at an early-age daycare once- he dares to say that he has a little more experience than Akai at least.
Akai stares at him in clear surprise when Rei steps through the door, but Rei does nothing but huff.
“What have you tried?” Rei asks, walking up to them both.
Akai is sitting on the edge of the bed, the baby in his arms still crying- a baby bottle is left discarded on the sheets, so he seems to have tried to feed him. Perhaps Akai isn’t entirely incompetent at this.
“I’ve changed his diaper and fed him,” says Akai. Another sob breaks through the air. “Perhaps he’s in a mood.”
“It’s possible,” Rei concedes, glancing over the baby.
(Dark eyes, dark skin, a single curl of dark hair. Rei has been trying not to look too closely at the baby, but it’s difficult to ignore how much he’s inherited from them both.)
The child is swaddled warm and tight. Rei hums. “But he could also be too hot. Why not try unswaddling him?”
“My mother said it’d be unsafe,” muses Akai. “But I suppose I’ve never listened much to her.”
Ah. So he did talk to his mother, but her outdated tips are working against him.
“I don’t believe it’s strictly necessary,” says Rei. “Let’s give it a try.”
The baby does settle down in the end, once the AC has been turned on and he’s been moved into a looser wearable blanket.
Akai’s face returns to inscrutable calmness as his child relaxes in his arms. Gently, he returns him to his bassinet.
“Thank you, Furuya-kun,” he says, quiet.
“Thanks are unnecessary,” Rei says right back, voice prim. “It was rather satisfying to see you struggle.”
A wry smile breaks through Akai’s calm face, like sunlight through clouds. “You’ve always made me struggle, Furuya-kun.” He glances, quick, at Rei. “But I’ve never regretted it.”
Rei’s heart aches- it's as if old wounds are flaring up. It was better, in a way, when he was incessantly aroused for most of his pregnancy. He could have Akai as close as he wanted, and not think too deeply about it.
But he can’t do that now.
“Don’t ask for what I can’t give you,” Rei says.
“I don’t intend to,” says Akai.
Rei’s eyes just close. “Get sleep while you can, Akai.” He shifts back up from the edge of the bed. “I imagine he’ll wake again soon enough.”
“I will,” Akai says. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
But it’s easier said than done to keep a man and his child at arms’ length when living with them.
Work helps. He returns just days after giving birth, and throws himself back into the backlog of cases and security planning he’s missed while he was gone. He’s awake in the mornings for breakfast though, and returns to his apartment in the evenings, sometimes even in time for dinner, and-
Rei can’t bear how glum Akai seems. He’s not obvious about it - it’s Akai, after all - but Rei is more than capable of seeing the signs. He didn’t understand Akai’s cheer at all during those first few days of Rei’s pregnancy. But this quiet solitude, this air of complete resignation around Akai- it’s far, far worse.
(He’s never loved easily. But he’s always loved so very deeply when he does.
Perhaps it was all wishful thinking, to try and claim he never truly loved Rye. The echoes still clearly remain.)
Practicality over love.
Couldn’t it apply to Akai’s happiness as well? Rei won’t string Akai along, and it’s true he doesn’t love Akai’s child. But at the very least- he’s willing to share the burden, and cares enough to treat them well. He’s capable of that much, and it makes sense to help out where he can while they live together.
(Even if he still can’t bring himself to say the baby’s name.)
In the end, Rei’s resolve breaks in less than a month.
It was a mistake to let Akai into his home at all. Before, he could tell himself that Akai would be infuriating to spend time with- that their history would be too much, that Rei would find himself snapping and snarling at every little misstep Akai made.
Now, he knows he’s just falling far too easily into old routines.
“Akai,” says Rei, one morning over the breakfast table. “It’s rather inefficient for me to pump milk that you immediately feed to him.” He draws a hand over a still-covered breast. “If he’s ready to feed while I’m home, I’ll breastfeed him myself.”
Akai blinks- once, twice. The baby is sleeping away in a sling on his chest. He raises an eyebrow, almost suspicious, as though to ask- that’s an unexpected about-turn. It mildly stings, but Rei begrudgingly admits that for once he can’t blame Akai for it.
“I…” Rei says. His eyes flick closed- his hands clench quietly in his lap. “These half-measures give you false hope you shouldn’t have. I ought to cut you out entirely, or not.”
Rei made it clear from the very start that he didn’t intend to keep the child. Akai has no ground to stand on if he wants physical support- he said he was willing to take the baby on alone. Monetary support, well- Rei was prepared for that, at least, the moment Akai wanted to raise the baby. Even if he somehow doubts that Akai will ask for it.
But…
“My bed felt warmer with you in it, Akai Shuichi,” Rei admits, almost wretched. “I’d prefer to share one again, even as-“ friends seems too odd of a term to use with Akai, but colleagues or acquaintances puts too much separation between them. “Even not as lovers,” he finishes lamely, unable to think of anything else.
Idiotic. This too is nothing but a half-measure. But for once, he doesn’t quite want to stop the truth from leaving his mouth. Perhaps Akai will simply reject all this half-baked nonsense, and all will be well. At least it’s out of his hands now.
But no. Akai’s smile is wry and small, but he’s still smiling. It’s only been some weeks since Rei last saw it, but he found he’s missed it.
“I’d like that too, Furuya-kun,” Akai says, far gentler than Rei deserves.
And something warm knits itself together in Rei’s chest.
“Furuya-kun,” Akai says that night, voice quiet.
They’re in bed together for the first time in weeks- or the first time in years, perhaps, depending on how you saw it. The baby was just fed and put back to sleep, so they should be trying to get some sleep of their own before he inevitably starts crying again.
But Rei doesn’t quite want to push Akai away, not when it’s so warm and comfortable to be tucked into Akai’s chest.
“Yes?” he murmurs.
“I ought to apologize as well.”
“…I never apologized,” Rei points out.
“Perhaps not with words,” says Akai. Which should rightfully mean it doesn’t count- but Akai has always been far too lenient with Rei, and Akai has always been far too good at reading him as well. “Furuya-kun. I did mean it, when I said I’d raise him without your support. You need not feel obligated.”
“I don’t feel obligated,” says Rei. It’s genuine. “I can’t see him as my own. But so long as we share a bed, a home-” a shrug, the sheets rustling under him, “Why would I object to caring for him?”
It’s only practical. Rei fully admits the baby is more obnoxious than anything else right now- his cries are grating, he often smells, and he can’t really do anything but blindly lie in bed.
But he’s Akai’s child.
And despite everything, he does still care for Akai in some warped way. In the end, those torn feelings, those discarded scraps of fabric, are just enough for him to help take care of a child Akai loves.
“Furuya-kun,” Akai murmurs, barely above a whisper. “I…”
Akai trails off, as though he’s reconsidered what he was about to say. Instead, he flits a hand to Rei’s cheek, leans down a touch.
Rei should stop him. Rei should turn away. They both know they aren’t lovers, and Rei can feel his heart rip further with every quick breath he takes.
Instead, Rei closes his eyes.
Akai captures his lips in a searing kiss, and Rei can’t bring himself to draw away.
Another month passes in the blink of an eye- then two, three, four...
At six months after the birth, the baby has gotten noticeably bigger, but it’s still easy enough to lift him to Rei’s breast for feedings. Rei could lift Akai up into a bridal carry if he wanted to- this tiny baby poses no challenge to him.
…Not that it should be a challenge, but regardless.
They haven’t slept together since the pregnancy- the baby does tend to sleep through the night these days, but it still feels too awkward to go at it with a baby in a bassinet right next to them.
Perhaps that’s why Akai has gotten into the habit of kissing him instead. Pecks to the cheek before he goes to work in the morning, chaste kisses to his nose before Akai accepts the baby back from Rei’s arms. Deep, open-mouthed kisses in the depths of night, sometimes passionate enough to make Rei excuse himself to the bathroom.
(There’s more to it than just sexual frustration. Rei isn’t stupid. But he can still be willfully blind when he wants to be.)
Akai hasn’t mentioned moving out, and while Rei hasn’t forgotten, he doesn’t bring it up either. Six months is far beyond an acceptable timeframe for a “temporary” stay- but once the baby learnt to sleep through the night, Rei has been sleeping better in a bed with Akai than he has for years. Even with the night terrors that still haunt them both, the warmth by his side- it makes things better, easier, than staring in silence at the ceiling all alone.
He doesn’t want Akai to leave.
Which is why his heart thumps into his throat when Akai so casually says one morning-
“I’ve found a house I’d like to buy.”
“I see,” says Rei, voice completely controlled, perfectly natural. He takes a sip of his miso soup- it’s much better these days, Akai’s miso soup. He’s been getting a lot of practice, Rei supposes.
He shouldn’t be thinking about the miso soup. It’s not important.
“I suppose you Americans are paid far better than us,” says Rei. “Purchasing a house isn’t an expense I could justify.”
Not that Akai has a salary any longer, but Rei imagines he’s still saved up quite a bit. He must have, to be able to purchase a house outright- he wouldn’t qualify for a mortgage without a job.
“Reo is almost ready for his own room,” Akai says. “This apartment is a touch cramped for us.”
A parent and their child should each have their own room. It’s a reasonable desire.
“I can’t deny that.” Facts. It’s always easy to stick with facts.
“When is your next day off?” Akai asks.
Pause. “For what?”
Akai’s brow furrows- he gives Rei something of an odd look. “So you can tour the house. I’ll have to keep searching if you don’t like it.”
…Rei cares for Akai, in his own broken way. He likes sleeping by his side, and likes sharing meals together. He likes sitting silently beside him on the couch, as Akai reads through those accursed reading glasses and Rei reviews case files.
But Akai is still utterly infuriating from time to time. For the love of every god and buddha in existence, this man is incapable of clear and succinct communication.
Rei huffs- more with exasperation than relief, though he can’t claim both aren’t there. “Thursday. I'll be free then.”
“I’ll tell the realtor.”
The house that Akai wants to buy is beautiful. It’s in a good neighborhood - walking distance to both a train station and a grocery store - and it’s not too bad of a commute to police headquarters. Two stories, four bedrooms. Stone fences, quintessentially Japanese, surround the home and its lovely garden. There’s a cherry blossom tree above a small pond, and it’s no doubt a sight to see when it blooms.
And it’s a recent build to boot. The owners are apparently moving to Fukuoka to be closer to family, and are disinterested in maintaining such a large house from afar.
Rei knows the price would be outrageous even before he asks the realtor how much it costs.
“Akai,” Rei hisses, sitting on the porch, “Even if you can afford to buy it outright, have you considered the taxes? The ongoing upkeep? A house this big, we may need to hire cleaners.”
“Perhaps before Reo goes to school,” says Akai, glancing down at the baby sleeping away in his arms. He shrugs. “But I won’t have much else to do once he does.”
“Housekeeping isn’t your area of expertise, Akai.”
“I can learn.”
Fine. Perhaps Akai is both capable and willing to deal with a house this large. Regardless, though- “There’s still the cost of repairs to consider. I understand things are different abroad, but houses don’t appreciate in value here. It won’t be an investment, Akai.”
“Furuya-kun.” Akai meets Rei’s eyes, steady. “Do you like this house?”
“I…” Of course Rei does. It would be a dream to live in a home like this, a traditional Japanese house as opposed to the dorms and apartments and hotels he’s been stuck in for all of his life. But someone needs to think about the practicalities, and it’s clearly not going to be Akai.
“Furuya-kun,” Akai says again, then leans in to peck a kiss against Rei’s cheek.
Then he shifts, just a touch, and murmurs some absurdly high number into Rei’s ear.
Rei frowns as Akai leans back. “What does that mean?”
“The amount of money I have saved.”
“Dollars or yen?” Rei says, suddenly feeling a little weak. Either is far too much, but-
“Dollars.”
It’s likely more money than Rei would ever make in his entire lifetime, even if he filled his days with overtime. He isn’t in his career for the money, but somehow it still galls.
Utterly unacceptable. Rei has lost in yet another battle he didn’t know he was fighting.
“Do you like the house?” Akai asks again.
Dammit all. His pride wants him to refuse, to say no. But- practicalities. What purpose is there to staying with Akai, to helping him with his child, if he can’t even stick to the practicalities? A one bedroom is too cramped for three, and if Akai can comfortably afford a house like this, there’s no reason to refuse.
Rei slumps, his hand slipping up to cover his face. His eyes squeeze closed, a half-muffled sigh escapes him.
“…Yes,” he admits.
Akai just chuckles, far too cheery for Rei’s tastes.
“With money like that, you had no need to stay in my apartment.”
It’s an observation that hits him once they’re in the car, heading back home. It would’ve hit him earlier, but his mind was still working a touch too slow after today’s revelations.
Akai could've easily afforded to rent any apartment he wanted for a few months, or even to stay in a hotel or hostel that accepted babies as guests. It would’ve barely made a dent in Akai’s savings either way.
Rei was tricked. He really should be more annoyed about that than he is. No wonder Akai didn’t care whether he got any monetary support from Rei- it would make no difference to him either way.
“…Yes,” admits Akai, eyes focused on the road. His hands clench the steering wheel the slightest bit tighter- as though he’s nervous.
How ridiculous.
“I’m glad you did,” Rei says, quiet.
It annoys him that Akai misled him so very easily, but- it would’ve been far worse if Akai simply left, and Rei was left with a cold bed and a lonely apartment.
Rei can see Akai relax, almost imperceptibly.
“Thank you, Furuya-kun,” he says, just as quiet.
“Apologize instead,” Rei orders.
“…My apologies, Furuya-kun.”
“Good,” says Rei, and stares out the window at the buildings rushing by. “That’s all I needed.”
He’s not looking at Akai right now, but he thinks he can still feel him smile that small, happy smile of his.
Rei’s lease isn’t up for a few months yet. But there’s nothing stopping them from moving in early, and having the apartment still available makes it far less hectic to move things back and forth.
Akai takes him the very night they’ve fully transitioned the baby to his own room.
This kind of soppy, gentle sex isn’t Rei’s preference. Akai is fucking him like he would the finest silk, as though Rei is some fragile butterfly and not a man who could punch him into tomorrow.
Rei moans helplessly as Akai brings him to yet another gentle orgasm, his cunt squeezing tight around Akai’s thick cock. Akai captures his mouth again, tongue sliding over his own, and-
A whimper would escape him if he weren’t too busy being kissed. Rei finds his arms wrapping tight around Akai.
Perhaps it’s not so bad to feel so utterly claimed, from time to time.
But only from time to time. It’s been a week, and Rei thinks his mind is going to turn into a gooey, useless mess if he lets Akai fuck him like that even one more time.
“Furuya-san,” says Kazami, plopping a folder of documents down onto Rei’s desk. “If I may ask…”
“Speak.”
“You’ve seemed to be in a good mood these last few days,” Kazami says, a touch hesitant. “Would you have any good news to share?”
“You still have quite a ways to go until you’re an effective agent,” Rei says, curt. “Your observation skills are lacking, and your conclusions are utterly incorrect as a result.”
Kazami straightens like a rod. “My apologies, Furuya-san!”
“Forgiven. And dismissed,” says Rei, waving Kazami away and picking the folder up from the desk.
Maybe turning Rei's mind into mush is Akai’s goal. Maybe Akai wants to melt his brain with gentle orgasms until he can’t live without Akai’s cock in him. Maybe Akai wants to trap him in his all-too-warm bed and even warmer home, to keep him constantly naked and knocked up, to have him devote his life to nothing but Akai and their fami-
Ahem. It’s an admittedly arousing fantasy, but not one in any way based in reality. And thankfully so. Rei doesn’t intend to birth any more children.
(Not when he can’t even feel guilty for lacking the love that anyone else would have with ease.)
So later that evening, when he’s long since come home from work- Rei walks into their bedroom fresh from a shower.
And decides to tell Akai exactly what he wants tonight.
“Akai,” he says, and slips onto the bed, onto the waiting Akai- he presses his knee down onto Akai’s stomach, pinning Akai firm underneath him.
Akai gazes up to him, seemingly intrigued. He cocks his head to the side.
“Shall we change things up tonight?” Rei asks.
“Oh?” There’s a glint of excitement in Akai’s eyes.
“Akai,” Rei says again, then leans down, nips at Akai’s ear. “Take me against my will.”
Akai’s voice goes rather dry. “…I can’t say I expected that.”
“Is it so different from what I’ve requested of you in the past?” Rei asks, shifting back up to face him.
“Perhaps not,” muses Akai. “But, regardless…” he shrugs, the sheets rustling under him. “Ah, no matter. I don’t mind playing along,” he continues, “-but it rather seems counterintuitive to take you ‘against your will’ when you’re clearly so very willing.”
Rei scowls. “You were an undercover agent. Act.”
“I can certainly try,” says Akai, amusement filling his voice. “But acting is more your forte than mine, I’m afraid.”
“Then I’ll act enough for the both of us,” Rei says.
“Hm.” A flicker of a frown. “Don’t go too far.”
“Please. Do you have so little faith in your ability to see through my masks?” That would be a laugh, coming from the man who clocked him as a spy before anyone else even suspected.
Gaze softening, Akai pulls Rei back down, pecks a quick kiss against his nose. “A fair point.” He shifts back just a touch, then raises an eyebrow. “So? Did you have a particular setting in mind?”
Rei hadn’t considered one, fully intending to be taken as himself- but perhaps Akai would find it more arousing, if they acted it out like a play rather than as themselves in truth.
“I can think of a few,” says Rei, musing.
“Amuro-san,” Akai says, his grip on Rei’s wrists tightening, just shy of painful. His face is stone, not a hint of emotion. It’s an expression Rei now realizes he hasn’t seen for a long, long while, at least not aimed at him.
Rei’s heart flutters.
Acting isn’t his forte. Hmph. He knew from the start that Akai was downplaying his talents.
“Did you ever consider the dangers of breaking into a man’s home?” Akai continues. His voice is steady, icy calm.
Rei has been pinned against the bed with his arms and legs both stretched wide- knees pushing his thighs in place, a hand on each wrist. Tentatively, he flexes his hands, tries to push himself free.
Akai’s grip is like steel- he has gravity and his own body weight on his side. He doesn’t budge an inch, doesn’t act like he’s even noticed Rei’s futile attempts to escape. As if Rei’s strength is nothing to him.
He can truly do whatever he wants to Rei. A ragged breath leaves Rei’s mouth.
“Perhaps a lesson is in order.”
Dragging Rei’s hands together, he pins them in a single grip, leaving one hand free- Rei has more power now, can push up with more strength. Akai’s hand does budge a little this time- but then he pushes down with more force, and that’s that.
Akai still doesn’t bother to acknowledge Rei’s feeble resistance. Instead, he slips two pairs of handcuffs out from a pocket, and slaps one cleanly on Rei’s wrists. The other locks him to the headboard.
“Do you truly think I can’t make it out of cuffs like this?” Rei goads, flexing his wrists- the handcuffs clatter against each other. “I’ll escape soon enough.”
An amiable smile spreads across Akai’s face. Ah. Rei recognizes that smile- Akai is channeling Okiya, it seems. That does explain the Amuro-san over Bourbon.
“I’m afraid you’ll find it difficult to move at all by then,” Akai says, as though it’s a simple statement of fact. He grabs a pair of scissors they left on the bedside table, and uses it to snip through Rei’s old black shirt.
Rei bites back a gasp as cool air hits his stomach, his breasts. His belly never really returned to its pre-pregnancy flatness- there’s still a slight flabbiness there that Rei hasn’t been able to burn off. And his breasts, of course, are as perky as ever- he’s still breastfeeding after all, even if he’s not forced to milk himself a minimum of twice a day anymore.
“My,” says Akai, throwing the torn remains to the side. His eyes open wide- it’s a little overacted, but Rei will forgive him for it. “You’ve already given birth before?” His hand slips down to pinch one nipple- Rei bites back another gasp. “How surprising.”
“It’s none of your business,” Rei bites out.
“How many times have you done it, I wonder?” Akai fondles both of Rei’s breasts, squeezing and releasing. “Just once? But I suppose you’re a detective. You must always be looking for information. Dozens would be believable too.”
“I didn’t-” A finger flicks at Rei’s nipple, and a gasp breaks through him.
“I suppose there’s plenty of people who’d be easier to seduce if you let them rail you raw.” Akai squeezes his breasts again. “Perhaps I should’ve expected this.”
Rei has no idea where any of this is coming from, but he’s certainly not complaining. His cock perks up in his pants.
“Well, Amuro-san?” Akai raises an eyebrow. “If you tell the truth, I might be convinced into letting you go.”
Right. This is a scene, and Akai expects a response.
“Hmph.” Rei lifts his nose into the air, prideful. “It only makes sense to use every tool at my disposal. So what if I’ve let one man or twenty knock me up? I solved the cases I needed to.”
“Then one or two more ought to be no skin off your back.”
Oh. So that’s where this is going. Rei’s eyes dilate.
Akai shifts back, rips Rei’s pants down off of him. Rei does make an attempt to kick Akai’s face - it’s not as fun if Rei doesn’t even try - but Akai manages to catch the foot in time, pressing it back down against the sheets as he drags off the last pants leg off.
Rei is fully naked now, handcuffed to the bed and completely helpless as gazes up at Akai.
His legs are forced open.
Rei strains, tries to push his legs back closed- but he can’t. It’s too tough to get the momentum he needs in the position he’s in. Akai’s grip keeps him in place.
His cunt is wet and gaping open, and he can’t do anything to hide it. It’s there and ready to be fucked, ready to be stuffed full of cock regardless of Rei might want. The thought just makes him wetter.
“Oh?” Akai smiles again, that same mild smile that Okiya always used. “I expected it to be more difficult to draw your vagina open. But I suppose you couldn’t have let that many impregnate you without learning to enjoy it.”
Going out to fuck man after man with no protection at all, knowing his belly might be swelling by morning but still eagerly shaking his hips for his target for the day- the fantasy fills him, and his cock grows to full mast, aching.
Akai lets a leg fall for a brief moment- he unzips his fly, draws out his own straining cock. But before Rei can try for take two at roundhouse kicking Akai off the bed, he’s already got his steel grip back on it.
Breathing growing heavy despite himself, Rei stares up at Akai’s cock. It’s always been stupidly large- the perfect painful stretch in Rei, especially when Akai takes him without prep.
“No, no, stop-” pleads Rei- and Akai, obnoxiously, actually pauses. But Rei narrows his eyes at him, and with a short cough, Akai obediently slams himself inside Rei’s cunt.
Pain shoots through him, his cunt forced to swallow down the thick cock without the slightest bit of preparation. Rei moans, seeing stars.
Normally, Akai would wait here, even when taking him rough. That bastard wouldn’t start properly fucking him until Rei’s cunt was as wet and loose as could be.
(A balance between both their desires, if Rei were to reluctantly cut Akai some slack. Akai has never been much of a sadist, even as Rye.)
But today, Akai finally treats him for once. A pleased gasp escapes Rei as Akai begins to move, slamming his cock against Rei’s walls with every thrust. It hurts, it aches, it certainly shouldn’t feel good- it does, though.
Rye, unfortunately, has long since awoken this kink in him.
Rei’s cock remains untouched, and of course it is- he’s nothing but a fuckhole right now, and all that matters is that his pussy is tight enough to fuck. His legs twitch in Akai’s hands, longing to wrap around Akai even if it doesn’t quite suit the fantasy he’s sunk himself in.
“You’re very loose,” Akai muses. “I suppose that makes sense when you’ve birthed so many. You’ve taught your body to be prepared for impregnation at any time.”
He won’t bring another soul he can’t love into the world. But the memory of being pregnant with Akai’s child, the way his belly swelled so much he could barely move, his mind too filled with helpless arousal to even think straight-
In a blissful haze, Rei so wishes Akai was actually fucking another baby into him.
“Ah- Akai-” the name spills out, Rei’s cunt clenching tight as Akai slides back out of him, back in. Heat rises. He stares up with teary eyes, his vision blurred. “Akai-”
“Amuro-san.” A mild voice, a surprised voice. Okiya’s voice, in tone though not in register. “You’re quite the whore, aren’t you?”
The heat reaches a swirling peak deep in his womb, and with a high gasp, pleasure turns his gaze blind.
Embarrassingly, his memories cut out after that. Perhaps he passed out- perhaps Akai simply succeeded in blowing his brains out from his head. He’s not sure which would be less humiliating.
When he comes to, he’s sitting on the bathroom floor, the shower running above him. Akai is lathering Rei’s body with soap, circling the bath scrub soft over his stomach. It’s not half-bad, and almost helps soothe the horrific aches in his body.
He likes being claimed as roughly as Akai can manage. But he can’t say the aftermath is quite as enjoyable, not without the pleasure that accompanies the pain.
It helps though, as much as it galls to admit it. The contrast of Akai’s gentle touch on him in the here and now.
“Akai,” he murmurs.
Akai looks up at him, smiles ever-so-slight. “Furuya-kun. Are you lucid?”
“Mm,” says Rei, and plunks his face into Akai’s shoulder. It’s there, after all, and it’s nice to have Akai closer.
“Perhaps not.” There’s a hint of amusement to Akai’s voice.
A hand threads through Rei’s wet hair, ruffling it. Rei can’t help but lean into the touch.
“Rei,” murmurs Akai. His arms draw out, tugging Rei tight into his embrace.
He breathes out a single quiet phrase. Words that Rei shouldn’t want to hear, that Akai has been careful never to say.
But right now, Rei just finds himself smiling happily into Akai’s shoulder.
Last night was a mistake.
Rei stares up at the whitewashed ceiling all alone in bed, eyes wide and wild.
Last night was a horrific mistake.
How much of a fool could he be? It didn’t matter how rough Rye took him- he still tore his heart to shreds all the same. Why would Akai taking him any rougher fix a thing?
Now he’s fantasized about having Akai’s child yet again. He birthed a single child he can’t even love right, and he’s already become an utter slave to his biology. He shouldn’t be this type of man.
And now Akai has said the words that weren’t meant to be said.
Rei thunks his head back against his pillow.
“Furuya-kun?” Akai’s voice echoes up from downstairs. “If you’re awake, I’m almost ready with lunch.”
Rei just had to go do this on the night before his day off too. He has an entire day with Akai and the baby awaiting him now.
He buries his face into his hands, taking a quick breath. He gives himself a single moment to patch himself back into place. Anything more would be excessive.
When he straightens himself back up, he’s perfectly composed.
“I’ll be down!” Rei calls back, and pushes himself out of bed.
But trying to hide how he feels from Akai is a fool’s errand. Akai knows him far too well, unfortunately. When Akai suggests they go for a walk after lunch, and the baby is lulled to sleep in the stroller Akai pushes with care, well-
Rei isn’t surprised when Akai brings it up.
“What we did. Did it go too far?” Akai asks. His expression is emotionless enough, his voice too, but- somehow, Rei feels Akai isn’t quite as calm as he’s pretending to be.
There’s little reason not to put the man out of his misery.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Rei scoffs. “I’d make it scathingly clear if you went past the line.”
A low chuckle. Akai pushes the stroller over a slight bump in this winding side street. “Perhaps. But then-” His eyes, endlessly green, flick at Rei. “Why?”
What’s wrong? What’s the matter? Why is there misery glinting behind Rei’s nonchalant mask? Rei doesn’t know what exactly Akai intends to ask, but he can make an educated guess.
Rei’s fists clench at his sides.
“I can never forget for long,” he says, quiet. “What’s happened between us. The memories we share.”
Even on a cheery sunny afternoon like this, in a slow and sleepy neighbourhood, barely a soul in sight. Sickeningly domestic, strolling away to the park in the crisp winter air with a baby in a pram.
All Rei has to do is close his eyes, and he sees long hair, a broken phone, crimson blood.
“I can’t mend it,” Rei continues. “I can’t return to the way I was before.” His eyes flick up to the sky. “And I can’t say those words. I don’t think I ever can.”
Sex overwhelms him, makes him forget, forces him to lose himself in passion and pain and pleasure. But even then-
I love you hasn’t escaped his throat.
(Even if he thinks he might love Akai as much as he even can anymore.)
“Ah.” Akai’s voice is as quiet as Rei’s. “You heard me. In the shower.”
Rei nods.
The street is empty. The sky is ever-blue. And Akai Shuichi, in an act of utter tragedy, loves Furuya Rei.
“Furuya-kun,” Akai says. “There’s parts of myself I can’t ever mend as well.” He pauses, the stroller rolling to a gentle stop. His hand slips into Rei’s, squeezes tight. Rei lets him. “And I can’t say I’ve forgotten a thing.”
It’s something Rei already knows. It would be difficult to miss when they’ve shared a bed for months, what with the night terrors that still haunt Akai from time to time.
Regardless-
“You’re mended enough to love our son.”
Silence fills the air. Rei would look away from Akai, but he’s never been a coward. He meets Akai’s eyes instead- steady, defiant.
Akai’s mouth opens, though no words come out. He swallows, as though his throat is dry.
“Our son?” Akai echoes.
“I’ve helped raise him for months,” Rei says, matter-of-fact. “Perhaps out of practicality, but-” his gaze flicks down at the baby, napping away in his stroller.
His gaze flicks down to Reo.
“It would be foolish to deny it any longer, if I’m also acknowledging your equally foolish feelings.”
“Furuya-kun,” says Akai. There’s more joy than sorrow in his voice, inexplicably. “I ought to have introduced you to my family.”
It’s a complete non-sequitur. “Excuse me?”
“I thought it might scare you off,” Akai continues- rather offensively, really. Rei is no startled bunny. “But it may have done you good to hear my mother’s advice.” A chuckle, wry. “Can you guess what she first told me?”
“To be prepared to lose sleep?” Rei offers, a touch snide.
Akai’s hand squeezes Rei’s. “That I shouldn’t assume I’d love him straight away.”
Huh? Rei’s brow furrows. He gazes at Akai, more helpless than anything else. His words are registering, but don’t make a lick of sense.
“She told me,” muses Akai, “-that she didn’t love me until I was two.”
Rei almost chokes. “She told her own child that?!”
Akai cocks his head, as though to ask- why not? Perhaps this is simply how the Akai family shows their affection, and Rei shouldn’t question it. Or perhaps it’s just how all families are. It’s not as though Rei has any personal experience with it.
(At least not until the last few months.)
“Babies haven’t quite developed much of who they will be.” Akai shrugs. “Is it so odd for it to take time?”
“You loved him in my womb,” Rei argues.
“I loved you, and that was enough to try,” corrects Akai. “Trying is enough, Furuya-kun.” There’s rare exasperation in his voice. “Is this why you’ve never said his name?”
“It’s disconcerting to have a son named so obviously after myself,” Rei argues, stubborn.
“…I do apologize for that.” Akai’s smile is far too soft, far too happy. “I never expected to have you both.”
Torn or not, patchwork or not, Rei finds his heart can still thump. The sun is clearly far too hot today, no matter the icy chill in the air- he can feel his cheeks warming.
Rei squeezes Akai’s hand back. “Trying doesn’t guarantee success, Akai.”
“It does for Furuya Rei, no?” Akai’s voice may be half-teasing, half-taunting, but regardless- Rei has never been fond of backing down from a challenge. Particularly one issued by Akai Shuichi.
His eyes flick back to the stroller. Reo stretches in his sleep, his mouth opening lazily as he snuggles himself back into the blankets.
Love still doesn’t well in his chest.
But he finds his tattered heart would hate for anything to happen to his child.
And that, perhaps, is something.
“I do love this life,” Rei murmurs. That’s one thing he hasn’t denied, from the moment he realized he needed Akai warm in his bed.
Akai brushes a light kiss against his hair. “Then why not accept it?”
Accept Akai. Accept Reo.
Rei breathes out, slow and steady. It’s easy to say, but not so easy to do. He still lacks the thread to mend his heart back together, and he has no idea how to weave it.
Trying, though-
He thinks he’d like to try.