Chapter Text
Christmas is over. Classes start again tomorrow (In eight hours). Last trimester's grades weren't that bad this time around. Although Mori doesn't seem to think so.
"A cero in history? Come on, Dazai. We can't have you failing this year. You'll lose your container priviledges." He said.
To be honest, the history teacher was a bitch. She said she would mark our grades solesly on the proyects. So, even thought she gave incredibly boring lessons, I did the projects. I turned them in. Both of them. We were ment to present the slideshow part to the class, but I didn't show up. I could've, there was nothing between me and the class except a staircase, too many people and my own expectations. Yet she failed me. With a cero. My projects weren't worth a cero, I'll tell you that much.
Why am I even studying history? Why am I even at school? I have no future. I'll stay in my container until I rot. I don't have to eat. I'd have to ask Mori for new videogames until then. I don't want to relay on him. I do not relay on him actually,I'm just using his money until I get my own income. If... I get my own income.
I don't really think I'm able of working. Mori's corp. is supposed to be a promising future. I just don't know how am I supposed to go to work every day. I rather just die. I rather just bleed out right here and now. Atsushi would worry, sure, but it's not like I have to give him any explanations. He won't even notice if just act as always and wear my stinky bandages. I should shower. Well, I did shower three days ago, I should be good for the time being. I want to die. I was planing to go to the arcade with Chuuya next weekend. I really don't want to. Why did I agree to that? Why am I alive? Why am I writting into this stupid diary instead of taking the fucking sharpener and FUCKING CUT MYSELF. I want to cut. It's been almost a year since last time. I don't know how I've survived this long. To think I would feel happiness. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die, I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.
I... I don't really want
I miss my dog.
It's already been an hour, I want to sleep and never ever wake up again. I want to scream some really emo music lyrics from the bottom of my lungs and hope I don't wake up the neightbores. My container has really thin walls after all. I want to- I feel so empty.
I think my insomnia is better now. My eyes are heavy and my eyesight is blurry. Am I tired, falling asleep or passing out? Finally I'll get some sleep before school. I fucking hate school. Do you know what I hate, more than school? Mori. Fuck that guy.
I don't want to got to class.
I want to die.
Maybe I'll skip tomorrow. I can almost hear Mori's annoying voice telling me how I'm such a leech for staying in my cointainer without doing anything while he works his ass off everyday in that stupid office of his.
I wan to die so badly.
I was so happy to start over new this year.