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Bianca was the one that hit him first. She had been his friend for the short time he’d known her, and he’d enjoyed her company. She was smart and he had no doubt that she would have become an incredibly powerful demigod if she’d been given even half a chance to grow into her abilities.
Bianca had risked her life to get a toy for her brother, and in the end had sacrificed herself for Percy and the others.
Thoughts of Bianca always led him to Nico. The small excitable boy might not have physically died, but Percy was intimately aware of just how the weight of expectations could crush one’s spirit. Nico had died, in a way. The bright, enthusiastic kid had been killed by his sister’s death, and in his place was a young man that was more shadow than flesh, and more dead than alive.
While Bianca had been the first person close to him that died, Zoe had the distinct claim of being the first death he had actually witnessed. He had wondered, on his many nights with Lupa and then at Camp Jupiter, why the constellation smiled at him, why it moved to subtly point its bow towards what he needed. Now though, he could remember. He remembered Ladon’s poison, how she had willingly jumped into the fight while injured, Atlas’s rage, and how the titan had hit the warrior princess so hard she went flying dozens of feet into solid marble. How Artemis had taken them to a field of flowers and soft grasses, where the Hunter had been so happy just to see the stars.
Then there came Lee Fletcher, Castor, and all of the other campers that had died in the Battle of the Labyrinth. Their faces were stuck in his mind, and Percy had tried so hard to memorize all of them.
No demigod should ever be forgotten.
Percy’s heart seized and his breath hitched on a sob as he thought of Charlie Beckendorf, who died to save him simply because that was what the boy did: sacrifice his time, his energy, his life for others. Just like Micheal Yew; two cabin counselors that had sacrificed themselves for him, and for everyone else.
Then there were Silena, Ethan, and Luke: traitors who had died in pursuit of their redemption.
Percy shook with the force of his emotions as his returned memories rolled over him in waves, dragging him under, drowning him like the tide never could.
Before, there had been a sense of loss. A vague but present knowledge that he was missing something, that he had lost people before. But this?
This was life and loss and war and death on a scale that he wasn’t sure his heart could take.
“I loved them.” Percy gasped out, crying into Annabeth's neck. “I loved all of them.”
His girlfriend just held him tighter, one hand running through his hair and the other covering his lower back. Protecting his mortal point, despite the Curse having been washed away.
She whispered into his hair as he shook in her arms, tears soaking her shirt. “I know. I know Percy. And I am so sorry that I couldn’t protect you from this, that you have to go through this a second time. But I’m here. I’m here and I’m not leaving, and we’ll get through this and everything else just like we always have; together.”
They laid like that for a long time; Percy learning how to mourn all over again and Annabeth holding him as close as she could. Eventually her boyfriend’s hiccupping cries petered out, and they curled together, just listening to the creaking of the ship and each other’s breaths.
“You know it wasn’t your fault.” Annabeth spoke, after what was probably hours of them laying together lost in their thoughts. “None of it was, Percy. They made their own decisions. Not even you can save everyone.”
“They made their choices, and we have to be okay with that.” Percy shuddered slightly as he spoke, the aftereffects of his crying evident in his voice.
“You don’t actually believe that, do you.” Annabeth’s voice was sad with the realization.
“No. But I hope that one day I will.” Percy admitted quietly.
“Y’know, I know one person you’ve saved.” Annabeth shifted up onto one elbow to look down at him.
“Who?”
“Me.” She gave a small smile, her hand moving to cup his cheek. “I would have turned into an insufferable brat without you there to temper and strengthen me.”
“Would have?” Percy asked, subdued but sarcastic.
“Oh shut up.” She laughed quietly, elbowing him before settling back down. “Camp was home, but you and Grover and Chiron and Luke were the ones that gave me a family. And you’re the one that’s held me together after, well…everything.”
“You’re my duct tape, and I’m your glue.”
“Exactly. We keep each other together, no matter how many pieces of us there are.”