Chapter Text
It’s not easy to sit under the stars. It’s not easy to fully enjoy it, at least, not anymore. As Sonic sits next to his family, there’s a bitter feeling rising at the back of his throat. The Wachowski family decided on one more camping trip for the summer. Tom, and Maddie had surprised Tails, Knuckles, and himself, with declarations of one, last, epic camping trip for the summer. So here they were, sitting around a campfire, laughing with one another just like always. As the sun sets, and stars start to peek out of the dark sky, Sonic can’t help but gaze up, eyes glued to the little sparkling lights. The noise around him dulls, as his mind races.
The light shines even when the star is gone.
A lump gets caught in his throat. Sonic still thinks about him. A sort of hollow, longing feeling has nestled itself deep inside his core. He had barely known him, barely gotten the chance. He’d only gotten a glimpse of who he really was. He missed Shadow. He missed what little time they’d spent together, and mourned the friendship they could’ve had. What could it have been like? The little while they’d spent together fighting amongst the stars already proved that they had chemistry. Shadow not only matched his energy during the fight, but there was banter, there was life, there were the sparks of something more. Of a friendship that could have been.
“Isn’t that right Sonic?”
At Tails’ voice, Sonic focuses back on the here and now. Suddenly he’s aware that everyone is staring. In an attempt to seem completely and totally normal, he laughs. “Probably?” He answers. Luckily that was the right answer, as his family laughs too, and goes back to their conversation. Satisfied, he tries his best to tune back into the conversation. From what he can understand they were talking about the difference between the three boys, and how messy or clean they were. As Sonic tries to settle, that nagging feeling won’t go away. His legs keep bouncing, his ears keep twitching, he feels like he’s going to burst out of his fur if he keeps sitting any longer.
“Well!” He announces, standing up and stretching. “I’m getting bored. I’m gonna take a run”
Tom looks at him for a moment, almost skeptically, then shrugs. “Honestly I was counting down the minutes until you got up.” He smiles.
Maddie nods alongside him. “Yeah maybe eating twelve s’mores is giving you a bit of a sugar rush? Next time how about we dial it back to a reasonable number?”
He gasps in mock offense. “It’s not my fault Tails has cracked the formula for perfect s’mores Maddie!” Sonic protests, crossing his arms.
Knuckles stands up, as if to protect him. “The hedgehog is right. The fox has made it his mission to make excellent treats. He has succeeded well in his endeavor. Your treats bring great honor upon this family, fox.”
He watches as Tails lights up, giggling all the while. “Aw c’mon. It’s not hard at all.” The little fox smiles.
Sonic looks to his family, and lets out a soft sigh. Everything is as it should be. They’re all happy, safe, and healthy. He should be happy, he should be satisfied. Yet that guilt gnaws at his core. Knowing that if he tried a little harder, had not been so reckless, maybe..maybe he could be here too.
“Anyways - later!” Sonic calls, and quick as always, speeds off. Running is always easier. Staying put just lets his thoughts wander, and fester. He knows Green Hills like the back of his hand, so it barely takes any coherent thought to just run. The warm summer air whooshes past him pleasantly as he continues his run. It’s always been easier to just run. To run until it hurts, until he has no clue where he ends up, just run to escape it all.
He stops before a lake. In a moment of weakness, he looks onto the water’s surface. He watches his reflection carefully. His and Shadow’s question was never answered. Why did they look alike? The stars caught his attention once more. It had gotten much darker than when he first left the campsite. The stars were shining brightly tonight. Almost like they were mocking him.
“I get it, okay?” He murmurs to the open water, and the reflection of the stars on its surface. “I get it…” He says, this time more defeated. A heavy sigh leaves his body, as he sits by the lake. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more, Shadow. I’m sorry I-” He cuts himself off to take a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” The guilt has been consuming him, like a fire desamating and consuming everything in its wake. It grows stronger every day. And it hurts. Really and truly burns a piece of him. Maybe it’s the hero in him, wanting to save the day and everyone involved. Sonic knew that wasn’t the full truth, though. There was a part of him that wanted more. It had been months. He should be happy that his family was alive, that he was alive and yet…he couldn’t feel completely happy. Shadow was missing. He didn’t deserve to-
Tears were falling, wetting his muzzle, and blurring his vision. “I’m sorry.” He wept, hands covering his face, as heaving, ugly sobs wracked his body. This wasn’t the first time he’d had a moment like this. It happened plenty of times before. Usually, late into the night. His tears raged, they just wouldn’t stop tonight.
After a long while of mourning, he picked himself up, and sighed. He made his way to the lake, to look into his reflection. He looked like a mess. He fixed his fur, and wiped his eyes. He couldn’t go back to his family looking so…disheveled. He took a few deep breaths, just trying to calm his nerves. After a few deep breathing exercises Maddie had
taught him, he was off.
By the time he had reached the camp, the fire was out, and everyone was asleep. Everyone except Tom.
“Welcome back kiddo.” Tom welcomed softly, patting the spot on the log next to him.
“Hey.” Sonic replied softly, hating how his voice was hoarse. He took Tom’s silent invitation, and sat beside him. The two sat in comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of nature, in the warmth of the summer night.
“The stars are pretty tonight, aren’t they?”
The sentence made him tense. It almost started the waterworks up again. “Yeah.” He croaked out. “I’m uh, I’m gonna head to bed.” Sonic announced abruptly.
Tom looked at him with a puzzled expression. “You sure?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m just a bit tired.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Night.” He said simply, joining the tent his brothers were in before Tom could stop him.
If Sonic seemed off the next morning, no one bothered him about it. As they raced back home, he tried his best to snap out of it. To get a grip, but he couldn’t. It was a vicious cycle. He’d try to seem fine, but by night, he was a disaster. When the family was asleep, he’d escape to the roof, or run to the forest to watch the stars. Some nights, he’d cry himself practically asleep. Other times, he’d just stare, numb, and cold. Then he’d wake up, and try to seem normal and the cycle would continue. Each day he woke up, the night before had worn him down more, and more. Until it was too obvious to ignore.
“Sonic, are you listening?” Tom had asked, sounding a bit frustrated.
“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry.” He nodded sheepishly, as the family sat at the dinner table. As the conversation continued, Tom wouldn’t stop looking at him, no matter who he was talking to. Once dinner ended, in a flash, the kitchen was clean. “Welp I think I’m gonna retire early for tonight, my bed is positively calling my name.” He smiled. Before he could sprint away, a hand landed on his shoulder.
“Bud, can you and I talk?” Tom murmured quietly.
His heart sank, blood growing cold. “Sure Donut Lord.” He shrugged, trying to play it off as best as possible. He was jittery, as he and Tom headed to his room. Once they were both sitting on his bed, Tom put a hand on his shoulder.
“Sonic, what’s going on with you? We’re worried about you. Tails and Knuckles say that sometimes they wake up to find you gone from your bed in the middle of the night. You’re spacing out like crazy, and you just seem…dull. And that’s not the Sonic I know.” His guardian explains gently.
Sonic is silent, and still. Something that rarely happens. He can’t deflect anymore, he’s got no more cards to play. “I miss him.” He admits guiltily, his head hung low. “I know he hurt you but…I miss him. I want him here. It’s not fair that he died.”
Tom looks confused. “He…?”
“Sh…Shadow.” He whispers, like it’s a terrible secret. “I want him here, with us. It’s not his fault Tom, it wasn’t his fault.” He says frantically. “He lost his best friend, and…and he went through so much, he barely got to experience life and it…it’s my fault he died.” Tears are forming fast, and his words are spilling out even faster. “I miss him. I miss what could have been.”
“Sonic.” Tom murmurs, wrapping him in a big, tight hug. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure he made that choice because he wanted to. He did it willingly.”
He sobs into Tom’s embrace. “How do I know that? How can I know that?”
Tom shakes his head, hugging Sonic tighter. “You have a funny way of making the people around you change, and do the right thing.” He reassures. “He could still be alive too. Isn’t he the..uh..Ultimate Lifeform?”
“I don’t know. I just…I don’t know. I want him here. I want to apologize. Tell him I’m sorry.” He cries. “He told me something his best friend told me. About the stars. I haven’t looked at them the same.” He admits. “That’s where I go. I watch the stars. They remind me of him.”
Tom gently rubs his back. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the guilt you’re feeling. But bud, hold out hope, okay? Even if he is gone…he did what was right of his own free will. And I know you miss him…and I’m sorry you do. You have us to help you through this. We’re stronger together. You know that.” He comforts, his voice oh so gentle, and soothing.
“Y..You’re not mad that I miss him?” Sonic holds his breath, fearing the answer.
His guardian shakes his head. “Of course not. Not one bit. If this has got you so upset like this then I know he was a good soul. You surround yourself with good people kiddo.”
He lets out a sigh of relief, one that was rooted deep in his soul. “I’m glad you think so.” He sniffles. The two stay like that for a while, as his cries die down. Eventually, Sonic feels better. They say goodnight, and Sonic lays in bed still wide awake. He gets up, quietly, and makes his way outside the house. As he takes a deep breath, he shakes his head. “Last time I’ll do this.” He says quietly, looking up at the sky. And in an instant, he’s off.
Sonic speeds off to the forest. He races to the highest point of one of the mountains, and sits down. The grass is soft beneath him, as a few flowers sway in the wind. The stars are gleaming tonight. He can’t help it, a few stray tears fall, as his head falls in his lap. “I’m sorry Shadow.” He apologizes to the empty air.
“Sorry for what?”
He’s never looked up as quickly as he did at that moment.
Shadow.