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When Emily decides to run her fingers through the soft waves of JJ’s hair, careful to avoid any catches, JJ tries to brace herself subtly. She clenches her jaw, and muscles tighten against her will, hoping, praying her body won’t betray her. But as soon as Emily’s hand is flush with scalp, she suddenly clenches her hand into a fist, tugging on JJ’s hair sharply, JJ’s reaction is immediate, her lips leaving Emily’s and her head tilting to back to elicit a loud moan.
JJ can feel the exact moment where Emily freezes above her, taking a moment to examine JJ, her skin glistening, her face red.
JJ knew that Emily had heard it.
The increase in volume.
It was almost too loud.
She stops breathing, and still pleads silently, hoping that nothing could be detected from her animated reaction. Her eyes, which were screwed tightly shut, part slightly, and she peeks at Emily’s face. Emily is wearing a smug expression and JJ’s now certain she’d been caught red-handed and instantly begins to fidget in Emily’s hold, but her grip didn’t waver, in fact, JJ could swear she felt it tighten minutely.
“Huh,” Emily starts. A teasing tone to her voice as she tilts her head in question. “Hair-pulling?”
JJ could feel her face growing warm. She attempts, but fails, to swat Emily’s hand from her head—her grip was firm. “Ugh, shut up.”
That warranted another sharp pull, causing JJ’s eyes to roll to the back of her head, a burst of arousal coursing through her veins, down her spine, reaching her core. Her breathing laboured, and if she wasn’t already undressed she would’ve begged Emily to allow her to strip. Sweat coated everything, a sheen layer glazing her skin, between the mere physicality of sex, and now with the unexpected humiliation—she was running hot.
JJ had discovered her hair-pulling kink in college, after trial after trial of never coming from any form of sex, she realised something was wrong with her. It was never something she mentioned to any of her partners though, most never even realised what they had done to her to make her come so hard, believing it to be the oh-so phenomenal ways in which they had fingered her, got her off with their tongue or any other means. Pathetic really the way in which many of them had failed to just glance up at her, their faces too busy between her thighs, to see the way her own fingers had to run through her tresses, and yank, hard enough to make her see stars. She’s tried to remember, but she doesn’t know how she managed to figure that out about herself, and what it meant for her future sex-life. It meant nothing turns out, and she figured out ways to get off without it. Though some part of her always craved it, wordlessly begging whoever she was fucking to just grab and tug.
Hard.
She shouldn’t really be surprised that not many figured it out though as most of the people she slept with in college had been men. They were just shocked by the fact they had even made a girl come to ever try and evaluate why. By the time she had finished anyways, they believed it was their turn, an expectation of reciprocation, like an exchange. It wasn’t until sleeping with women did she realise sex wasn’t like that at all, that girls expected, but never were comfortable with asking for what it was they wanted, like it somehow made what they were doing even dirtier because they wanted it, and having that want voiced was just too much.
It was great for JJ, who also despised the idea of asking, and it was actually fun to find all the different little things that made each girl tick. Curling a finger against that, a deep bite between the collarbone and neck, a pinch here, a lick there, a sharp tug—
JJ moaned again when Emily lightly pulled her head back again, a devilish grin on her face.
She breathed deeply, her pulse rushing, feeling awfully exposed when the tables decided to turn on her. The tables being Emily, naturally.
For the longest time in all her relationships, JJ had been the one putting the effort in, ‘kink-profiling’ she coined it, but now, with Emily, it had switched entirely. Emily was the one doing the work to reveal all the inner ticks that JJ had precariously been hiding. After weeks of doing this, that terrifying feeling of openness and vulnerability seemed to be getting worse and worse, witnessing all the ways Emily just kept testing her, studying each of her reactions to this, to that, to the other. It didn't even have to be a big thing—a shaky breath when Emily bit her lip, rolling her eyes when Emily dragged her nails down her back, a whimper when Emily bent her over her knee.
Emily, Emily, Emily.
Even though JJ hadn’t thought these to be bright yellow signs, saying to Emily: Yeah, I liked that! They obviously had been, as Emily had caught them all.
JJ had thought she had effectively managed to keep this one thing safely under wraps, just wanting to save one secret for herself.
Effectively not.
Regardless, it hardly mattered right now.
JJ wanted to be touched where she needed to be touched. Her hips rolled languidly, hoping to receive anything, any brush, graze, or remote bit of friction she could find against any surface. Emily, though, seemed to have other plans, and grabbed JJ’s waist and pushed her hip down into the mattress, preventing any bit of further movement from JJ.
She feels it again, that vulnerability under Emily’s intense gaze. Every part of her body is on fire, but it’s still screaming at her to not reveal anything, not to reveal any more than she already had, to stay calm, and goddamn it—stop moaning.
But she knows Emily.
Knows that although Emily is aware that JJ gets uncomfortable with Emily’s thorough dissection of her—Emily delights in it, revelling in the fact she gets to know JJ more intimately than anyone ever has.
JJ is incredibly aware of how Emily will probably try anything to elicit that sound from her lips again, even if it took all night—just a matter of time.
Emily laughs. “Really? Just like that?” She blows a hair out of her face and tips her head back to the ceiling to laugh again.
JJ squirms in her hold and scoffs, trying to keep her voice as even as she can make it. “I fucking hate profilers,” she grumbles.
Emily just smirks and leans down to kiss her, surprisingly softly, “Yeah well, you're fucking this profiler,” and she winks. JJ rolls her eyes at her as she muffles against her lips, “Well, not if you keep teasing.”
That softness soon dissipates when Emily abruptly ends the kiss, an evil glint in her eye. JJ doesn’t know why, but she feels like she’s about to be read some more, but this—the hair-pulling thing, was the last thing Emily had yet to find about her.
She looks at her curiously, maybe a bit anxiously, and Emily dips lower, planting a quick kiss to her cheek to try and soothe some of JJ’s nerves. She moves her mouth slowly closer to her ear and JJ bites her lip to stop herself from asking what exactly she was planning. She doesn’t like asking.
Emily’s breath is warm as she whispers, “What is it about it, hm?” She smirks into JJ’s skin when JJ shakes her head. “No really, I’m curious.”
They hadn't done this before—not really. Dirty talk felt too intimate, and they still, after all, were coworkers, not a couple. Just needing to blow off some steam here and there between cases, the long hours diminishing any chances of a stable sex life with other people. It was convenient, and although it was fun, and private, there were certain lines that even Emily wouldn’t cross as it felt too unprofessional. Even despite everything they had already done to one another.
Sex was just sex, but words were words.
What they had been doing required very little of them, only “Fuck me,” or “There, JJ,” or “Yes, Emily,” uttered occasionally.
This was new, and JJ couldn’t help the way her stomach clenched.
Her clutch of JJ’s hair tugged a bit, urging JJ to speak.
“Is it the sting of it, JJ?” Emily asks calmly, “Do you like pain?”
“Emily—” JJ's breath grew shallower at her words, unsure of a response, unsure if she even wanted to respond. Her body grew hotter and throbbed for a release.
Emily, of course, was relentless, not letting her catch her breath, “Or is it about control?” She asks. “Do you like giving it to someone else?” She leans back to watch as JJ frantically tries to tear her eyes away. “Come on, Jayje,” she grins, following her line of sight wherever it lands, keeping JJ’s eyes trained on hers. “I can take it, baby. I want it.”
JJ fights the urge to shut her eyes. The pet names, the things Emily was saying. It all felt too much, she felt too exposed, like Emily has peered into her soul and seen the most private parts of her and is now toying with them like a cat would a mouse. JJ wished the word ‘CONFIDENTIAL’ had been stamped across her forehead, maybe that would've kept Emily out.
JJ squirms, trying to relinquish herself from her grasp, but Emily’s palm was still firm on her hip. “Please,” she says, but she knows it’s useless.
Forbidding JJ’s eyes stray from hers, Emily lowers her head towards her again, and slowly pulls JJ’s head back into the pillow by her hair. JJ’s chin turns up, her mouth opening in order to catch her breath. Her chest falls and rises rapidly, and she hopes Emily isn’t focusing on the shakiness or the sound to it.
“Does it turn you on,” Emily whispers, her voice low and almost tender, her eyes boring into hers, watching out for any tells, “when I pull your head back like this, and you have to arch your back just so you can breathe again?”
When JJ’s breath hitches she knew that Emily had found it.
“I see—” Emily begins, her hand quickly letting go of JJ’s hair.
“Wait—”
“If I were to just—”
“No, wait—”
Emily places her hand lightly against JJ’s throat and JJ couldn't help the choked moan that escapes her throat and the way her hips naturally move up, searching for something.
“I knew it.” Emily grinned at her, beaming.
One of Emily's hands rests at the base of her throat and the other moves to get lost in the waves of her hair. It was so much. JJ thinks she would collapse if she didn't come soon enough.
“Emily,” she gasped out. “Emily, please.”
She doesn’t beg. Not normally.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
Emily’s hand strains at her throat, and JJ fights the desperate urge to claw it away. She whines and tries to breathe through her nose. It’s not working. She can not remain calm. But she needs to come more than she needs to breathe right now.
JJ whimpers, actually whimpers, and Emily is soon there to comfort her.
Or so she thinks.
“Shh”, Emily hushes her, stroking a hand over the top of her head then running her fingers leisurely through her blonde strands. “Let's not get ahead of ourselves, yeah?” She teases, twirling a lock on one finger. JJ feels her eyes start to sting as Emily smirks. “I have no free hands, Jay.”
“Emily,” JJ chokes. “I swear to God.”
“Hey, it's a valid question. How are you going to get off now?”
JJ wraps her brain for ideas, struggling. “My—my hands.”
Emily tutts, almost menacing. “Hm, no I don't think so.”
“What?”
She can’t breathe. She’s too warm.
“Try again.”
“Emily…”
“Quit begging and think.”
Emily shuffles on the bed and JJ is suddenly reminded that Emily was straddling her, but not the way she normally is.
But surely… surely not, right?
Right?
“Come on, Jay. I know it's in there somewhere.” Emily reaches a hand down in between her thighs, and just lightly brushes against where JJ so desperately needs her. Her hand comes away wet, and she brings her fingers up, glistening, for JJ to blush at, "Or do you really want to be left writhing all night?” She sucks them off one by one, torturously.
JJ groans, a deep one, feeling her chest rumble.
She couldn't say it.
JJ didn't want to say it.
Her face heated up and she felt a heat reach her chest, exposure and humiliation suddenly warming her more than the sex was. But when Emily’s hands flexed against her for what felt like the hundredth time this night, she broke, “One of your hands,” she gasps, knowing it wasn’t what Emily wanted. “I don't know Emily, please.”
Emily rolls her eyes, and JJ has the awful feeling that she’s somehow disappointed her. “Wrong answer, babe. Do you even want to come?”
JJ whimpered. “Please.” Don't make me say it.
Emily looks at her for a minute, her expression softening slightly, before she got the hint and nodded, perhaps a bit sympathetic. Her knee moved between JJ’s legs lightly touching her center. “Was this what you were looking for?”
JJ nodded frantically, unable to speak.
“Can you rub yourself off like this?”
JJ feels her face heat up once more, because of what it was that was getting her this riled up, and now having to be the one to actually put in the work. Sometimes Emily just liked observing JJ fall apart, this she knew.
“Can you—can you not use your hands…” She voiced it like a question, but she already knew what the answer was going to be.
“I could,” Emily says, evenly, and JJ wonders how her voice had been unaffected for the duration of this time. Was she not wet too? “But I think I’d rather watch you come on my knee.”
Her eyes stung again. “God, you're evil,” JJ bit out, embarrassment making her frustrated. “I hope you know you're such a—”
The hand on JJ’s throat squeezed abruptly and her breathing cut off instantly. Emily held it for a second, another second, and another one. Perhaps longer than she should have, before releasing JJ with a strangled cry. “Want to finish that?”
JJ choked, struggling for breath, before she shook her head, another godforsaken moan inching its way up her throat.
Still smirking, Emily said, “Didn't think so.” She pressed her knee firmly against her, and before she could retract it, or change her mind, or pull her hair again—JJ moved, wanting to reach her release as soon as possible.
And it helped, it did, it relieved some of the pressure, but it really couldn’t be that simple for her though now, could it?
After a couple minutes of trying, with no success, JJ gave up.
“Just touch me, Emily.” Her voice broke this time, she couldn’t help it. “It won’t work.”
“No.”
“What?” JJ actually looked at her, shocked to be refused, despite it all. Had she not tried hard enough?
“You heard me. No.”
“But…”
Her hand snaked up her throat again, but just let it rest there. “Poor, innocent, vanilla, JJ,” she taunted. “Used to being coddled during sex, I see. You want it your way, and I’m telling you that you can't have it. So you're either coming like this or you're not coming at all, understand?”
It was too much now. Actually too much. JJ fell silent, her mouth opening and closing.
“Can you—” JJ bites her lip before the words could sneak their way out.
Nope.
No.
Absolutely not.
JJ could just about manage for Emily to discover these parts of her. She wouldn’t stoop so low as to ask for it too.
But Emily saw it. Of course she did. The cut off, and the hesitation, but it didn't matter what she saw, because at the end of the day, JJ still wanted her hair pulled.
However, maybe it was the way JJ’s eyes couldn’t leave the duvet, or the way she kept swallowing timidly, Emily seemed to realise she brought JJ to her brink. She wasn’t going to make her ask, she’d take care of her through this last stretch.
“It’s okay, baby.” She said, pressing a light kiss against JJ’s lips, before pushing her gently to lie back down into the pillow. “I know what you want,” she murmurs softly against her skin, pressing more and more kisses against any exposed flesh she can find. “You don’t have to ask anymore, I’ll give it to you. I’ll take care of you.”
A small tear trickles down the side of JJ’s face and she quickly brushes it away before Emily spotted it, knowing she would stop this instantly and want to know what was wrong.
It was JJ. She was the wrong thing. Why couldn’t she just tell Emily what she wanted? Why must she always make people work to be close to her?
She’s not talking about sex.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
There’s a light tap against her cheek, and JJ looks to find Emily staring intently at her, “Hey,” she whispers gently, “Are you with me?”
JJ nods, not trusting her voice.
Emily gives her a look that says, you know that’s not good enough.
“Yeah,” JJ says. She clears her throat, “Yeah, sorry.”
Emily looks at her for a second, JJ is terrified that she’s going to stop, before she dips her head and kisses her slowly, savouring her. “Don’t be sorry,” she says as she moves one of her hands between JJ’s legs, the other running through her hair, “You know you can always tell me when it gets too much, yeah?” JJ nods her confirmation before Emily’s fingers are inside of her, and her others are tugging at her hair.
“Emily,” JJ whimpers.
“Shh. It’s okay. You’ve earned it. You’re so good, JJ. So tight.” Her fingers curl against that one spot, the one she’s memorised by now, and JJ’s vision blurs. “Come on, baby,” she goads, her thumb grazing her clit. “You’ve done so well. Let go, fall apart, I swear I’ll hold you.”
The sudden shift, the one from the brashness and domineering tone of Emily, to the soft and soothing one has a strange effect on her.
This side of Emily, the one no one else gets to see, is JJ’s favourite version of her. Perhaps Emily’s not the only one making discoveries in their time together. Maybe JJ’s made a few of her own.
Emily continues to mutter praises against JJ, and when she pulls gently on her hair for a final time, JJ gasps, as she tightens around Emily’s fingers. Her thighs clamp around Emily’s hand as she slowly comes down from her high.
Emily does as she promises, and holds JJ through her release, the hand which was once pulling at her, now cupping her cheek lovingly.
Not lovingly, sorry. Not that.
JJ’s breathless for a minute, watching Emily watch her. After a minute, Emily lays down beside her on the bed, still holding JJ, an arm lazily draped around her stomach.
“Sorry,” Emily says quietly and she looks away from JJ.
JJ’s mouth parts slightly, unsure as to why Emily is apologising. “Why, Emily?” She asks, tucking a strand of Emily’s hair that had fallen over her face behind her ear. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
When Emily looks at her, JJ almost expects to find what so many college girls had in their eyes after nights with her—shame. But it’s not that she sees, it’s something much worse. Resting in Emily’s eyes is fear, and JJ falters, because why does she feel like she put it there?
“Did I—” Her voice catches. “Did I do something?”
Emily is quick to reassure her. “No, no, of course not.” Her eyebrows furrow as though she’s confused as to why JJ would even think that. “It’s just that…” She trails off for a second to collect her words. “Usually I’m better at reading you. I thought you wanted it rougher tonight, but now I don’t think you did, or you changed your mind at some point and I didn’t see it in time.” She blushes, and JJ smiles because it’s nice to see Emily being human. “I’m sorry.”
JJ grabs the back of Emily’s neck to pull her in for a soft, chaste, kiss.
“No, Emily,” she says when she releases her. “I’m sorry. For making you do so much guesswork. I should... I should tell you what I want more and be okay with asking for things. I’m going to start trying more, alright? I promise.” There’s a stinging sensation in her eyes, one that she knows comes with her vulnerability and she tries this time, actually tries to be okay with it.
Emily nods and pulls JJ into her arms, and JJ lies there, feeling Emily start to fall asleep, their chests rising and falling in tandem.
They haven’t done this either. Slept over. Too intimate for coworkers again, they still weren’t a couple.
Secretly though, JJ’s always wanted to fall asleep in Emily's arms.
She takes a deep breath. “Emily,” she whispers. She feels Emily hum underneath her—she’s listening. JJ swallows. “Can I spend the night?”
JJ feels the softest of kisses being placed on the top of her head, and she lets out the breath she’d been holding, her eyelids already starting to flutter close.
She can hear Emily’s smile in her words.
“Thought you’d never ask.”