Chapter Text
Bakugou Katsuki fell in love slowly, then all at once, like spring awakening finally after a long, long frosted winter. When he realized it, there were no tears of joy, or confessions under the cherry blossoms. There was just pure, unadulterated panic.
And a burnt desk chair.
He couldn’t be in love with Izuku. He couldn’t be in love with his best friend. He couldn’t be in love with the person he vowed to make miserable for years when he was a shithead kid. He couldn’t be in love with the one person he respected, feared and admired the most. He couldn’t be in love with the person that made his totally calm and rational decision making go haywire. Someone like him couldn’t be in love with someone like Izuku.
But as he thought about it, he realized that, for him, it was always going to be Izuku. There was no one else and never would be. Izuku had been by his side through it all, no one else could drive him crazier but no one else could push him to his limits like Izuku. No one else had the same obsessive drive to be the best, no one could handle his outbursts with as much understanding and grace as him. It was more a question of when he would fall in love, not if.
But Katsuki couldn’t love Izuku. He didn’t deserve to.
So he did what he did best, and he made a plan.
A ten-step plan to fall out of love with his best friend, to be exact.
He started off with over fifty possibilities, the first being to block out Izuku completely and pretend he doesn’t exist. He quickly scratched off that one as he imagined Izuku’s watery eyes and quivering lip. Others included transferring schools, which he dismissed immediately as way too dramatic considering he’d spent his life working towards UA. Trying to date someone else, which made scoff and cross it off with an aggressive scratch. Enlist his friends to keep him away from him, which he considered for half a second before remembering who his friends were.
He knew he couldn’t completely ignore him to try and get over himself. He and Izuku would always be connected, always orbiting around each other, he just had to figure out a way to deal with it himself for the time being without raising too much suspicion from Izuku.
Izuku was smart as hell, it was one of the things Katsuki loved about him, but unfortunately, that also meant he was an expert in all things Kacchan related, including his behavior. If Katsuki completely shut him out, Izuku would immediately know something was up. Even if he just refused to spar with him, his big, annoying brain would figure out something was amiss.
Therefore, he knew he couldn’t switch up his behavior too much or else he would be dragged into Izuku’s room and forced to explain himself to a teary-eyed, or even worse, an angry-faced Izuku.
Katsuki knew that even if there was a small, extremely small chance that Izuku felt even a fraction of what he felt for him, it didn’t matter. Izuku forgives too easily, always puts others above himself, accepts shitty treatment from others with a smile. He’d already forgiven Katsuki too easily, he couldn’t let someone like Izuku deal with the mess inside his head, not after everything he had already done.
They would date, Katsuki would exhaust him, and Izuku would leave.
Izuku deserved better than that. Better than him, even if he loved him as easily as breathing. And selfishly, Katsuki just couldn’t bear the thought of losing him for good. So he could never know.
He looks at the late hour on his phone before glancing down at his desk, and grabs the scattered drafts of paper, walks over to his window to open it, leans out and immediately sets them on fire in his palm with small sparks into the night air. Ain’t no way in hell some snoopy ass janitor was reading this shit.
He flicks the ash reminents out the window, dusting his hands off before walking over and quietly opening his door, peeking his head out slightly to make sure no one was around. He sighs, relieved, as he hears and sees no one and quickly makes his way to the bathroom.
Softly closing the door behind him, Katsuki looks up into the bathroom mirror and almost jumps at the pale, haggard face staring back. He shakes his head before going to wash his hands, trying to scrub his hands of the ash and ink, and scrub his mind of Izuku’s chorus of praises from their earlier sparring session. He takes one last look in the mirror, looking at the ever growing bags under his eyes and the sad sheen that’s come over his face.
Katsuki shakes his head again before aggressively splashing his face with cold water and heading back to his room.
Sitting at his desk chair again, he glances at the final list of rules he’s set for himself forcefully scratched into his notebook.
How to fall out of love with your best friend
(1) Do not stare for more than 3 seconds.
(2) Do not do boyfriend duties.
(3) Focus on your friends.
(4) No sleepovers.
(5) Spend time by yourself.
(6) Focus on your hobbies.
(7) Therapy.
(8) Avoid prolonged one on one time.
(9) Remind yourself why it will never work.
(10) Never, ever tell him.
His eyes linger on number nine for a moment before ripping the sheet out of his notebook and shoving it in his desk drawer.
Rule #1: Do not stare for more than 3 seconds.
Katsuki knew starting his plan would be slightly rough. He had realized he was in love with Izuku, processed for about 90 seconds, and then immediately went to rectify the situation. Starting off with keeping his own damn eyes off Izuku seemed like the easiest way to slowly break his own heart while simultaneously trying to mend it. But he was Bakugou Katsuki, future number one, the best of the best. This would be nothing.
Problem was, his eyes tended to wander towards Izuku even when he wasn’t trying. It was like his brain was on high alert for green hair and dumb freckles at all times and it made him want to bang his head against the table. Even during class, he found his head tilted ever so slightly so he could see Izuku’s feet fidgeting under his desk behind him. He felt pathetic, he couldn’t even keep his eyes off those ugly ass red sneakers Izuku refused to take off, but they still filled Katsuki with warmth at the idea that they were just so purely him. What the hell was wrong with him? Why the fuck does love make people so damn soft? Why do people want this?
Sitting at lunch proved to be even more difficult, as Izuku was sat at a table directly in front of him, directly in his line of vision, and even worse, they were facing each other. Katsuki could see every smile, every laugh, every worried look, every idea that popped into his head and it was torture. His grip was tightening on his water bottle with every passing moment and he had to try and stop himself from burying his face in his arms on the table and screaming.
“Bakugou, you good? You look like you’re about to explode that tofu.”
“I’m fucking fine, Shitty Hair. Leave me alone.” Katsuki grumbles, glancing over at Kirishima’s concerned face before stabbing his chopsticks into the now cold food in his bowl.
“Come on, Bakugou, God forbid your friends try to help you when you look miserable. Who do we think we are?” Mina pouts, and Kaminari throws his hand to his chest in mock offense.
“Dead fucking meat is what you are.”
“Bakugou, chill out, man! What’s up with you today?” Kirishima asks, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as Katsuki just rolls his eyes.
“What’s up with me is you lot asking me stupid fucking questions when I said leave me the fuck alone.” Katsuki snaps, picking his head up from his bowl to glare at him.
“Okay, whatever you say, big guy.” Kirishima shoots Mina a glance before clapping him on the back once, and Katsuki quickly shoves his hand off of him.
“Fuck this, I’m going to class early.” Katsuki stands up to grab his bag and tray, throws his trash away, and stalks off before he can hear his friends' protests. He rounds the corner out of the cafeteria and stomps away for a little bit before stopping and leaning against the lockers, attempting to slow his breathing and calm himself down.
How the fuck was he going to do this?
Squeezing his eyes shut one last time before opening them again, he takes a deep breath and tries to shake off his uneasy feeling and makes his way towards the section of the school his next class was in.
“Kacchan!” Katsuki has to suppress the urge to groan before turning around to face bright green eyes and a blinding smile.
“What do you want, nerd?” Katsuki responds gruffly.
“Well I-I just saw you leaving and I wanted to ask before I missed you if you wanted to spar later? I have a meeting with All Might at 4, but would you wanna meet at the gym after that? I have this new move I wanted to try out and I think you would really—”
“Sure. I’ll see you later.” Katsuki responds, readjusting his backpack over his shoulder and looking down at his shoes before moving to turn away.
“O-Oh, okay! Bye, Kacchan, see you later!!” Izuku’s face wavered for just a moment before he smiles brightly again and waves goodbye before turning around and walking off back towards his friends in the cafeteria.
Katsuki allows himself to look at Izuku walking away for a few moments before shaking his head at himself and turning away to walk down the hall towards his classroom.
“Come on, nerd, that’s all you fuckin’ got?”
Katsuki and Izuku were in the sparring gyms, sweating and panting as they lost count of what round they were on. They’d been sparring for almost two hours, their bodies exhausted but adrenaline still pumping through their veins, pushing them further and further.
“As if, Kacchan. You just want to tap out.”
“‘Tap out’ is not in my fucking vocabulary, Deku.”
Izuku grins at him, glancing at his feet before Katsuki launches himself at him, and he quickly side steps before kicking his foot out and tripping Katsuki.
He grunts as he tumbles towards the mat, sticking his hand out and pushing off, spinning his body to face Izuku again, squatting slightly.
“Sneaky fucker.” Katsuki tsks at him and Izuku just shrugs innocently, smiling slightly before bending his knees. He bounces slightly before tilting his head and puts his hand up, beckoning Kacchan towards him teasingly. Katsuki feels his face twitch with a smile as he shakes his head and the two charge at each other.
Izuku and Katsuki had been sparring and fighting with each other for so long, their movements almost mimicked each other. People who watched them always said it looked like a routine rather than a fight, like it was second nature to them.
As much as he wanted to avoid being so close to Izuku, Katsuki couldn’t help the excitement he felt and the crazy grin that crossed his face when he and Izuku got into a groove like this. They weren’t fighting, they were almost showing off, daring the other to best their last move. These moments are where Katsuki really fell in love with Izuku, where they could both let loose and fucking relax, and Izuku was confident, more electric. He couldn’t help but let his eyes stick to Izuku under the guise of watching his movements, when in reality, he never admired Izuku more than when he was like this.
Passionate, driven, wild, free. Grinning like a madman, his eyes fierce and calculating, analyzing Katsuki’s every move before he can even think of it. Like the enormous expectations placed on him by All Might and the world lift off his shoulders for the brief moments they dance together on the mat like this. Like it was just them and that’s all that mattered again.
Distracted, Katsuki feels his breath catch as he stumbles ever so slightly and Izuku takes the opportunity to stick his foot between Katsuki’s legs, spinning his shoulders and forcing him to the ground to slam his chest onto the mat, his knees straddling across his lower back, legs pinning his. Izuku’s hands press his wrists above his head, his mouth just inches from Katsuki’s ear, and he can feel the warmth from his panting breaths travel down his neck.
Katsuki glances up at Izuku above him, his cheek pressed against the mat, and he’s never been more glad his face was half obscured. Izuku’s eyes were dark, heavy, and unmoving, staring down at Katsuki and he just couldn’t look away, he felt frozen underneath his intense gaze.
“Kacchan?” Izuku blinks, leaning back and looks worriedly down at Katsuki’s silent body. Katsuki blinks rapidly before attempting to regain his cool, grumbling and trying to move against Izuku’s hold to get him the hell out of here.
“Get off me, you freak.” Katsuki gets out, trying to regain his focus as he pushes his arms against Izuku’s pinning him to the mat and Izuku quickly releases them and hops off him, wringing his hands together nervously.
“S-Sorry, Kacchan, I think I got a little carried away, we were just doing so well and got into such a good rhythm that I just—”
“It’s fine, nerd. It was a fucking good one, just got distracted,” Katsuki responds simply, sitting up from the mat on his elbows and glancing up at Izuku, whose face is still slightly contorted with worry, “Oi. I said it’s fine. So it’s fine.”
Izuku just nods softly before quickly turning around to go grab their bags from the bench and Katsuki hangs his head back between his shoulder blades, sighing deeply before shaking his head and standing up. He glances over at Izuku hovering around their bags, his own thrown around his shoulder and his left hand was hesitating over Katsuki’s, slightly shaking. Katsuki shakes his head, rolling his eyes before strolling over towards him.
“Beat my ass and not even gonna grab my bag for me? Wow, Deku, some fucking hero you are.” He reaches up and ruffles his hair, and his chest relaxes as he hears Izuku’s light laugh as he swats his hand away, leaning down and throwing Katsuki’s bag against his stomach.
“Shut up, Kacchan.” Izuku mumbles, his face blushing slightly pinker as they make their way outside. Katsuki slings his bag on his shoulder, glancing over at Izuku’s profile against the setting sun. His freckles stood out against his flushed, sweat slicked face, and the sun bounced off his eyes, illuminating the different shades of blurred green. Katsuki has to force his eyes away from him towards the sidewalks ahead of them, almost grossed out with his own soft thoughts.
“So, what’d you think?” Izuku breaks their comfortable silence, his voice slightly apprehensive.
“Of?” Katsuki keeps his eyes on the grass next to him.
“My new move! Come on, Kacchan.” Izuku scoffs, glancing over at him for a moment. Katsuki looks to meet his eyes and sees him looking uneasy, like he was genuinely nervous.. He tries to ignore the guilt gnawing at his stomach at the implication of it, knowing he was the one who made Izuku so anxious around him and couldn’t do a fucking thing about it.
“It was good, nerd. You need to make it look more natural, your fucking face and hips are giving you away, I can tell you’re planning something, like, five moves before you do it.” He responds, attempting his new fine line of keeping his voice neutral but still encouraging.
“That’s just because you’re Kacchan, you're too smart and can read me too well.” Izuku laughs and rolls his eyes playfully as Katsuki looks over at the sunset to cover the light burn on his cheeks.
“Well, you’re still being too fucking obvious. Fix it.” Katsuki grumbles but Izuku just laughs, his laughter echoing through the trees surrounding them.
“Okay, Kacchan, I will.” Izuku looks over at him, smiling.
Katsuki allows himself to look back at Izuku, and feels his heart contort as the sun perfectly frames his face, the edges of his hair almost glowing under the golden light. Katsuki feels himself smile slightly back before he just nods silently and tears his gaze away, cursing himself as they walk quietly along the sidewalk towards the dorms.
So, room for improvement on rule one.