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Thanos wouldn't exactly classify himself as a good person. There are a few too many people he's screwed over a few too many times for the words to leave his mouth confidently. That being said, there is a select group of people that he can say with 50% confidence—on a really good day— that he would not throw in front of a moving vehicle for a vape charger if he were drunk.
But hey, that's what they're getting themselves into when they decide to be part of the Thanos World. And it's not like they aren't using him, too. For drugs, exclusivity, sex, whatever, it's all transactional at the end of the day, and he doesn't play with that messy relationship shit anyway, so it's all good with him.
That being said, he sort of is in the middle of that messy relationship shit all because he got himself a fucking fanboy.
It—because not even he can put a word to whatever the fuck this is—started off like everything else. He was high off his fucking mind in some club, and he noticed the cause of all his recent... emotional shit (fucking gross).
This club promoter bumps into him, probably the only guy in the club the same amount of in the skies as Thanos, and gapes at him with these goddamn sparkles in his eyes like he invented heroin or something. And it's not that Thanos isn't used to the starstruck fans or the desperate groupies; it's just that this... guy is such a little bitch to everyone else.
Thanos doesn't even know how the junkie got the job to begin with because all he'd ever seen him do was shoot up, roll his eyes, and make bitchy comments at just about anyone. Except for him, apparently. Call him an egomaniac, but the weird ass hero-worship that had this guy frozen in place—hands still clutched in Thanos's shirt from when he'd bumped into him—made Thanos feel... powerful.
"Careful, my boy," Thanos laughs, patting the hands attached to the front of his shirt in a loose grip. "You a fan, or you just never seen someone as handsome as me?"
The pick-up line is, admittedly, a little lame, but it looks like it's got the promoter soaking his panties, so it doesn't really matter. "Uh, what? No, man! I'm a fan!" He denies with excitement in his voice, his face a splotchy red color.
Blushing? Really? This'll be almost too easy. "Yeah?" He asks with a sharp grin. "I've got myself a fanboy? What's your name then, fanboy?" He asks. Not like he really cares, but half the game is making them think he does.
"Namgyu," The promoter, Namgyu, stutters out. Honestly, Namgyu isn't his normal type, not that he really cares who he's putting his dick in, but usually, it's some young, party girl who wants to go against daddy for a night and get with the dirty, underground rapper.
This guy isn't ugly , but he has a more unique look to him. He's cute, though, or maybe that's the drugs speaking, but Thanos can definitely work with it.
"Namsu," he gets wrong on purpose, just to see how low this guy is willing to put himself. How much he really likes Thanos. "Well, Namsu, why don't you show me how much you really like me?" He suggests when there's no objection to the wrong name.
It's a little brazen—Jesus, he sounds like a fucking nerd—but he's willing to bet this guy says-
"Namgyu," he corrects in a careful voice, though he doesn't seem all that pissy about it. "What do you mean by that?"
Hook. String. Drown... or whatever the hell people say... Either way! Thanos is getting laid tonight. "Why don't you come to the bathroom with me, and I'll show you exactly what I'm saying, baby."
The petname has Namgyu's face going red again as his hands fist a little tighter where they're still. fucking. On. Thanos's shirt (Good god, this guy is touchy). "You serious, man?" He asks tentatively, almost like he thinks Thanos is about to come out with a camera and yell Sike!
It's a stupid thought, one Thanos doesn't even deem worthy of his words, so he simply turns Namgyu around and pushes him to the bathroom with a hand on the small of his back. Chicks dig that shit, and he's never really gotten with a guy, but Namgyu has long hair and a pretty—fucking mean—little mouth, so he'll probably go all soft for the same shit. This is gonna be fun.
And it is fun five minutes later when he's got his cock all the way down Namgyu's throat. He'd say it's the same as being with a chick, but Namgyu sucks dick like he makes millions doing it, so it's honestly a little better. His mouth is warm and tight like any other, but the way he's able to use his fucking tongue has Thanos seeing stars in a way that drugs haven't in a long time. And he has to admit, being with a guy makes him feel less guilty when he yanks on that long hair and fucks into that heat over and over again.
Namgyu just fucking takes it. Of course, he does; he's a real goddamn groupie, but he doesn't just take it. No, Namgyu fucking loves it. "Yeah, you like that?" Thanos laughs through a moan when he sees Namgyu's hand reach into his pants. "You like being Thanos's little slut?"
Jesus! This guy is a depraved little thing, Thanos thinks to himself when Namgyu simply bobs his head and whimpers around his cock, "Yeah, you do." He laughs at the confirmation. "But I didn't say you could get yourself off, did I?" He asks with a disappointed click of the tongue. It's actually pretty hot that Namgyu's so turned on by sucking his cock that he's gotta give himself a lame handjob, but Thanos still wants to see how far he can really push him.
He waits with bated breath for Namgyu to tell him to fuck off or something because that's what he'd fucking do, but he simply whines a little and removes his hand.
Hot. It's so hot. "Good, baby," he smiles, leaning his head back against the stall and offering Namgyu's head a soft pet. "You're gonna finish here, and then maybe I'll let you use my leg if you do a good job." It's mean. Really fucking mean, but there's just something that has him so geared up about how well the little bitch listens to him. Even when his demands are downright rude, Namgyu just looks up with these pouty eyes and doubles his efforts.
The tongue tricks are back, and he's basically letting Thanos use his mouth as a fleshlight. It's the best blowjob he's gotten in a damn long time, but it's not the way he's pistoning in and out of Namgyu at lightning speed that his thighs shaking and his orgasm approaching at a rapid pace. No, it's Namgyu . His little whimpers that cause the best vibrations, his pathetic fucking face, the way his thighs are rubbing together like he's so hot for this. It feels like the first time he shot up.
But the final thing that has him seeing white and coming for what feels like forever is the stupidest shit. Namgyu strokes one of Thanos's shaking thighs with a hand covered by one of his sleeves like he's his girlfriend or something, and it feels like someone lit him on fire the way his orgasm tears through him. It could have been a second or a year for how good it felt, but it doesn't even matter because Namgyu swallows through the whole thing and only pulls off when Thanos pushes his head away.
After about thirty seconds of trying to catch his breath, Thanos looks down and feels his dick give a pretty good effort at getting hard again when he sees Namgyu looking up at him with teary eyes and tented pants. "Did I- Can I?" Namgyu asks in a croaky voice, eyes motioning to Thanos's leg.
At first, Thanos has no idea what the fuck he's trying to ask, but then he remembers the "deal" they made, and a smirk makes its way onto his face. "Did you what?" He asks, playing dumb. "Did you do good enough for me to let you hump on my leg like a bitch?" He asks, pulling up his pants and wincing a little at the sensitivity.
"Can I?"
Shameless. But Thanos can't deny that Namgyu just about sucked the life out of him, so he plays nice. "Hmm, I don't know." Okay, he plays a little nice. "Yeah, okay," he agrees, only after he watches Namgyu's face drop. He doesn't want to push him too far.
He expects the words to light a fire under Namgyu's ass, but he sort of just sits—kneels—and looks down. Thanos rolls his eyes when he realizes that, even after sucking cock like a trashy whore, Namgyu has the nerve to get shy. "Come on, baby. I said it was good," he encourages, grabbing Namgyu up by the collar of his shirt and pressing his leg in between the others.
Such a chick. All it takes is some sweet talk, and suddenly, he's back to his horned-up self. "Yeah, that's right," he teases when, just like a goddamn chick, Namgyu is letting out choked moans and hiding his face in Thanos's shoulder while grinding against his leg like he's desperate for it. "Luckiest fanboy alive. But I bet you do this with all your favorite rappers. Slut like you can't get enough."
He feels Namgyu shake his head against his shoulder as he lets out a very shaky "No. Just you." He doesn't believe it for a second.
"Just me?" Thanos barks out a laugh. "That's right. My slut's so loyal. So good."
"Thanos, please," Namgyu moans, a quiet little sound. Shockingly, for someone capable of making noise with a dick in their mouth, Namgyu has been pretty quiet throughout the whole leg-humping thing. "Please, Thanos. Please," he moans again, this time a little louder, as a whiny note enters his tone.
"What, baby?" He asks in a slightly more gentle voice, genuinely a little confused by the almost distressed pleas. He's not a damn mind reader, but there's definitely an undertone of something other than pleasure in Namgyu's voice.
"Can I come, please?" Namgyu chokes out as a tear runs down his face.
Holy. Shit. It's only when the other's words truly register that Thanos realizes Namgyu has his leg clutched between his own but has been stopping his movements every couple of seconds as he waits. Waits for Thanos's fucking permission. It's too good! He seriously has to take a second to remember what rap he could have written that was amazing enough to have Namgyu so fucking obedient to him.
"Yeah," Thanos breathes out. "Come on, fanboy. Be good for me and come just by my fucking leg. Come on, gorgeous." He doesn't even know what he's saying at this point, his head light with the rush of power that Namgyu's words gave him, but all he knows is that he wants Namgyu to leave this and think about it every time he closes his goddamn eyes. Think about how fucking good Thanos ruined him for anyone else.
As if Thanos put a goddamn battery in his back, Namgyu starts to ride his leg like he's going to die if he stops, and the way he's letting out more of those sweet whines and sniffles, it seems like he just might, "Thanos! Gonna- I-!"
"Yeah, do it, baby. Gonna come all over my fucking leg like a good boy," he practically growls as he grabs Namgyu's hips and starts controlling his speed. "So fucking hot."
That's all it takes for Namgyu to seize up and start squirming like a fucking bug, mouthing at Thanos's shoulder as he comes.
He can't tell you why, but Thanos feels the overwhelming urge to see Namgyu's face—to see what a mess Thanos made of him—so he pulls him away from his hiding place in Thanos's shoulder and forces the other to look him in the eye through his orgasm.
Fuck. Namgyu is... fuck. He's got the same teary eyes from before, but they're absolutely streaming as he lets out a loud, high-pitched moan that Thanos immediately wants to record and put in the back of every single one of his songs. He's so hot like this. With all the bitchy, guarded layers stripped away, all that's left is his little fanboy that just got his shit rocked, and Thanos wants the moment to last forever. Why did he ever do drugs again?
"Shit, man," Namgyu's voice takes him out of his thoughts as he finally recovers.
It's then that Thanos realizes what his stupid, impulsive high just made him do. He fucked a guy.
It's not his proudest moment, but ask any other guy who takes as many drugs as him, and they'll let you know that the worst part of any high is that the comedown fucking sucks. It's half losing that transcendent shit that makes you want to do it over and over again, and the other half—maybe even the bigger half—is realizing what the hell you just did. Then comes the backtracking or denial or whatever the fuck else people like him do to pretend shit didn't happen.
"Glad to be of service, but aren't you supposed to be working or some shit, Namsu," He says, prying Namgyu off him and making a move for the exit before he can hear any protests.
Obviously, he was sort of a dick to Namgyu, but in his defense, he definitely could have been worse. For one, he made him come, which he technically didn't have to do. And for two, well, there is no two. He's not gonna lie.
But! The point of all that is to say that it'd make the most sense for nothing to come from the situation, except maybe Namgyu to move on to the next rapper and Thanos to move on with his fucking life. That's what makes the most sense.
So he has not a damn clue how he ended up back at Pentagon. More importantly, he's not exactly sure how he ended up back in Namgyu's good graces because when he sees Thanos, he pauses, does a double-take—Jesus fucking Christ—and stops bitching at one of his coworkers to send him a wave. And, oh, look at that, the sleeve thing is back.
"What the fuck?" Thanos asks out loud because, really, what the actual fuck will it take for this guy to stop being his fucking fanboy. A slap to the face? A simple "Fuck off"? Another hook-up where Thanos doesn't let him come? Now that he thinks about it, he's not so opposed to the last option...
"Thanos?" A voice interrupts his train of thought, and like a nightmare, Namgyu is in front of him with curious—visibly high— eyes. "They didn't tell me you were coming tonight."
He's not entirely sure who they are, but apparently, Namgyu has them keeping tabs on him. "Why would they?" he asks, focusing more on the pills in his hand than the conversation. "You spying on me, Namsu?"
"What?" Namgyu asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "No, man. Pentagon tells us when VIPs are coming, and it's Namgyu." He corrects, but he doesn't seem all that bothered by Thanos supposedly forgetting his name.
"Sure," Thanos agrees easily, slipping the pill in his mouth. "Did you need something, my boy?"
Namgyu, finally catching his drift, shows his first sign of understanding that Thanos isn't really in the mood to be talking to one of his mistakes. His face scrunches with what could be hurt, but Thanos doesn't really understand why. It's not like they had some crazy connection or that it was some insane experience. He got blown, and Namgyu humped his leg. Nothing special. Right.
"What're you taking?" Namgyu asks, giving Thanos fucking whiplash when he realizes that, rather than looking at Thanos like he is the answer to all his prayers, he's looking at Thanos's pills.
"A mix between E and some other shit," Thanos answers distractedly, feeling irritation itch in his chest when he realizes that Namgyu still isn't looking at him. "You want some?" He offers lazily.
Finally. Finally, Namgyu looks up from the damn pills in Thanos's opened cross necklace with eyes that practically burn with need. "Really? Can I?" He asks with a hopeful expression.
This fucking junkie. "I don't know. I doubt you could handle it," Thanos teases with a smile. He's actually pretty fucking certain that Namgyu is just as much a slut for drugs as he is for Thanos's attention.
"Dude," Namgyu laughs, a hand coming up to his mouth before it comes back down to roll up his sleeve. "I've done it all," he reveals the track marks on his arm along with some of the shittiest line work Thanos has ever seen done for tattoos.
"So, my fanboy's a little junkie, then? Checks out," he snorts as he picks up a pill and waves it around. Namgyu's entire head follows the path of the pill, and Thanos can't help but wonder where a guy like him gets off being such a bitch to other people when he's so openly pathetic.
He even goes as far as to kneel next to Thanos on the couch and clutch his shoulder with both hands. "Thanos? Please?" He asks in a whiny tone that is scarily close to the one he was using while riding Thanos's leg.
"Shit," Thanos murmurs, looking around to see if Namgyu's obvious desperation has caught anyone's attention. It hasn't. Nobody gives a shit in a place like this. "You're so fucking hot for it, huh?"
Namgyu simply nods at the accusation as his hand travels from Thanos's shoulder down to where the cross necklace is, "Come on, dude. What do I have to do for it?"
Bingo. It's something about the way the question is phrased that's giving Thanos that same rush to his head from the last time they were together, or maybe it's the pill... Either way! Thanos feels like he got what he needed out of the interaction.
"Jesus. Fine," he laughs, holding out the pill between two pinched fingers, and rather than be a normal fucking person, Namgyu's hands brace themselves on Thanos's thighs as he takes the pill. With. His. Fucking. Mouth. "Ah, come on, Namsu!"
It's only a split second of that soft tongue surrounding his fingers, but it's still a weird thing to do to someone. "Sorry," Namgyu shrugs, but he doesn't really seem all that sorry. It's like he lives to poke at Thanos's patience, and for some reason, Thanos has let him do it every time.
"Whatever, man," Thanos replies, suddenly a little too high to be bothered by Namgyu's little crush on him or the way he's all up on Thanos, like in his lap all up on Thanos. The contact isn't... too bad, and it's not like Namgyu's all that heavy... it's like having a cat. In your lap. God, that sounds so fucking weird. They probably look so fucking weird, but he's never really been one for images.
That being said—and Thanos hates admitting this—but Namgyu isn't all that bad. He likes to hear Thanos talk about his music, he's funny in a way that is surprisingly quick considering how damn high he is, and he's a goddamn bitch to every single other person but Thanos.
Seriously. He's almost thankful for Namgyu's obsession with him by the end of the night because the douchebag chews out every other person that he comes in contact with. And it's not even in some tough-guy, asshole type of way. No. Namgyu is a cunt. He's like one of the mean girls from high school the way he'll eye people up and down, whisper some mean shit about them in Thanos's ear, and call them irrelevant whores.
So, yes, annoyingly, Thanos actually fucks with the mean girl cat. Like, wants to keep him around fucks with him.
Which is exactly how he finds himself at Club Pentagon night after night, getting high with Namgyu. They obviously never talk about the whole blowjob thing or the fact that Namgyu is a whore for having his hair pulled, but they do begin some sort of fucked up friendship? He's not exactly sure what he'd call it, but he doesn't have any plans of messing it up.
Didn't. Because, if you remember, Namgyu is his current messy relationship bullshit.
Thanos can't say exactly how they got to that point, but he can pretty confidently say that it started not at the blowjob but the first time Thanos took Namgyu to his studio.
"What time do you get off?" Thanos asks Namgyu, both their heads leaning back against the couch and facing each other.
"I don't know. Sometimes in the morning, but it's more of a need-based thing."
...
Thanos snorts at the lame joke. "Dude," he laughs, pushing Namgyu's face away gently. "Some lame shit right there. What time?"
"I dunno," Namgyu smiles as his head returns to its spot. "I could probably just leave now. My boss won't notice."
Hospitality. Namgyu works in fucking hospitality. "You wanna come to my studio? I'm supposed to turn some shit into my manager tonight, and she'll have my neck if I don't finish it," he explains, already sitting up with a groan.
Namgyu's eyes and smile widen simultaneously, "You serious, dude?" He asks like Thanos just asked for his hand in marriage or some shit.
"Whatever. Don't make it weird, Namsu," He scolds with a light smack to the back of Namgyu's head. "Are you coming or not?"
"I told you, it's a need-based thing!"
"Dude!"
"Fine," Namgyu laughs as he sits up. "Of course, I wanna go."
So, that's how they end up in Thanos's makeshift studio in his basement. It's not a lot. Just some basic equipment, but it's soundproof, and Thanos took out a shit tone of loans to get all the producer bullshit, so he doesn't give a damn what anybody has to say about it. That being said, Namgyu just stares at it in that weird, reverent way of his as he goes around and touches the random NAS posters on the wall.
"Cool," he breathes out the compliment, tucking his hair behind his hair. "It's cool," he repeats, stronger this time like he revealed too much the first time.
It's not like the whole studio thing was originally going to be some sort of test, but if it was, then Namgyu passed. But it wasn't. That'd be some gay shit. "I know. Can't produce magic like Thanos without a sick setup."
"Obviously," Namgyu agrees as he takes a seat in the desk chair in front of his audio interface. "So, what? You just have to record some shit?"
He walks in front of Namgyu and motions for him to get out of the seat, "Basically. Sit on the couch and sleep or something. I'm not used to people being here for this part."
With nothing but an eye roll, Namgyu gets up and lays down on the couch Thanos stole from off the side of the road. Hey! He disinfected it, and shit! "Kay," he agrees, eyes closing with ease—fucking cat. "If you're gonna be all shy about it."
"Shut up, Namsu," Thanos mutters as he takes a seat and puts on the pair of headphones.
And that's how it goes.
Sort of.
See, the plan was to record the rap that he wrote while drunk about a week ago. Something that sounds suspiciously like the rest of his raps have lately. Sex, girls, drugs, the usual, but now, it's like he's got a different inspiration. So, with Namgyu catching Zs like he hasn't slept in a decade—and the dark circles under his eyes basically scream that he hasn't—Thanos writes something reminiscent of when he gave a shit about what he put out.
Six hours. The sun is fucking rising outside, and Thanos has recorded and rerecorded the rap over and over again. He's added, and unadded just about every instrument he can think of, yet something is just missing. It's seriously pissing him off!
"Thanos?" A sleepy voice breaks through his headphones as he turns around to see Namgyu rubbing his eyes and pushing his long hair behind his ears—fucking girly shit—but then it clicks. It's fucking stupid, but it just clicks. It clicks what he needs to add to his song, and it's not a dumbass instrument it's—
"Namgyu," Thanos demands, beckoning him over with a snap. "Go in there and put this on," He directs, giving him a pair of headphones and pointing him in the direction of the vocal booth.
"What? Why?" Namgyu questions through a yawn, but he's already putting on the headphones and stepping inside.
He presses a button that lets Namgyu hear him and takes a deep breath. "Say it again."
For a second, Thanos feels like Namgyu isn't going to understand what exactly he's supposed to be saying again, but then he just nods and—
"Thanos," he repeats in an unsure tone like he's not exactly sure if he got it right.
"Again," Thanos says because it's closer to what he wants, but not perfect.
"Thanos," Namgyu tries again, and it's better. More similar to that lilting tone he uses when he wants Thanos's attention, but it's not...
"My real name," Thanos blurts out without even thinking. "Choi Subong. Do my real name." He's not even sure why it matters. He killed that fucker a long time ago, and he's got the scars on his arms to prove it, but he just wants to see... Fuck, he doesn't even know what he wants out of this. He just has to know.
"Subong," Namgyu says with a laugh, not a cruel one like the one he uses to make fun of any girl who tries to offer Thanos a drink, but one of adoration or something equally gay. "Subong."
It's the same. It's the exact same way that he says Thanos. It's better. It's... "Perfect!" Thanos whoops, ripping off his headphones and going into the vocal booth. "That's right, baby!"
"What was the point of that?" Namgyu snorts, pushing Thanos away when he ruffles his hair. "I don't know if this music shit is my thing."
"Yeah, that's cause being a fanboy is your thing," Thanos waves him off because he doesn't really want to explain that he's about to use the fuck out of the second long sample Namgyu just gave him.
Namgyu rolls his eyes and yawns again. "Screw you, man. Can I use your shower? I have a shift in like four hours," he says as his arms stretch above his head.
Thanos feels his mouth go a little dry when he sees a slither of Namgyu's hips from where his stupid black button-up is untucked. It's so stupid because Namgyu is just a skinny little fuck with horrible tattoos. "Do what you gotta do, my boy. I gotta finish this, but just take whatever from my room if you need to change," he offers, trying to get his mind off whatever weird shit it decided to fixate on. (Like, Jesus Christ, really? Namgyu's bony fucking hips? Strange shit. He needs to get laid.)
Luckily, Thanos has always been an out of sight out of mind type of guy, so he doesn't think about Namgyu using his goddamn shampoo or towels or whatever while he edits the living shit out of his track. It's better than a lot of the stuff he's been putting out lately. Something he'd actually wanna attach his name to. Maybe even something that could chart...
"Can I hear it?"
"Holy shit, man!" Thanos nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears the voice behind him and feels two hands on his shoulder.
Not only does this little shit Catman have the balls to scare him, but he's got the balls to laugh at him after the fact. Thanos should-
Oh. Namgyu's wearing Thanos's hoodie from his very short stint in university. It's not like it's revolutionary or something, but there's something about it that makes him feel a little... aggressive? It doesn't even make sense, but he sort of wants to squeeze the fuck out of Namgyu. Who knew? Catmen in casual wear really bring out the violence in him.
"So, can I hear it?" Namgyu questions again as he detaches himself from Thanos's shoulder. Good. It was weird to smell Namgyu smell like him. Gay.
"It's not completely done yet. My manager will probably want to edit it or something, but yeah," he waves off as he hands Namgyu his pair of headphones.
Did Thanos mention that Namgyu couldn't define personal space if he was a goddamn dictionary? Yeah, well, now someone is sitting on his knee. He'll leave it at that. Getting Namgyu to be less touchy is like getting the earth to stop turning. Plus, there's more important shit at hand.
"Wow," Namgyu laughs as he turns a little to face Thanos. Damn. How did Thanos never notice he has freckles? "This sounds like some of your older stuff. It's really good. Weird, though."
"How the fuck is it weird?" Thanos scoffs, and okay, he can be a bit defensive about his music.
Namgyu does that doting girlfriend bullshit and squeezes Thanos's forearm. "It's just weird to hear my voice. Not used to it," he explains as his hands go to tuck his hair, stopping when the headphones get in the way. Oh. He's doing the coy shit or whatever.
"Yeah, well," Thanos shrugs as he snakes one of his arms around Namgyu's waist and pulls him further back into him. "I gotta hear that shit all the time. It's not bad."
"No?" Namgyu asks with a lopsided smile.
"Nope," Thanos confirms, slipping his hand under Namgyu's sweatshirt for a split second. He just wants to feel for infection from those horrible tattoos."Not really at all, my boy."
"Huh," Namgyu comments, his head lolling back on Thanos's shoulder. "Wanna get food?"
Honestly, Thanos doesn't. He sort of just wants to sit here with Namgyu and keep tracing the tattoos on him—to check for infection. Like he said—but Namgyu is a dumbass. By that, Thanos means that he's the most selfish prick in the world when it comes to getting his next fix or ditching his job or leaving a customer waiting for a drink for three hours, but he won't even ask for the simplest shit when he's with Thanos. So, obviously, he's trying to say, I'm fucking hungry, in the most difficult way possible.
"I'll order it," Thanos compromises while digging his phone out of his pocket. "Pick what you want."
"Sweet," Namgyu comments, snatching the phone and leaning forward again. "Can I get a drink?"
"Whatever you want," Thanos answers distractedly as he runs his fingers along Namgyu's tattoos again. "Who the fuck did your tattoos?"
Namgyu's fingers slowly stop, and he turns his head a little to face Thanos, "Uh," he starts before snorting. "I did."
Thanos pauses his trail as the words sink in, "What?"
"Yeah, when I was eighteen. They're pretty shit, right?" He laughs, lifting up the sweatshirt even more so Thanos can get a better look.
They are shit. Like, really fucking bad. But Namgyu sort of makes them work. "Nah," Thanos denies with a shake of his head. "They're just sloppy."
"Pfft," Namgyu laughs, putting the sweatshirt back down and going back to his order. "No, they're shit. Who did yours?"
"I don't know, dude. I was high when I got them do—Hey! Don't go crazy, my boy!" Thanos scolds when he sees Namgyu fall for the upcharge and get the large drink. Does he think Thanos is made of money?
"You said I could get whatever I wanted! Plus, we can share or whatever," he argues, finger hovering over the delete button. "But I'll get rid of it if-"
"No," Thanos interrupts Namgyu's self-sacrificing bullshit with a groan as he snatches the phone. "It's fine. We can get the dumbass large."
"Sweet," Namgyu smiles with a content sigh as Thanos puts in his information.
Jesus. He just got suckered. The little bitch knew Thanos was going to let it slide, and come to think of it, Thanos lets a lot of shit slide when it comes to Namgyu. It's like the promoter has some type of power to get Thanos to do the weird shit he would never do. Because, just like Namgyu, he's not exactly known for being a goddamn martyr.
But maybe that's because he hasn't given a shit about someone enough to actually consider them in a very long time. It's then he realizes that he does care.
And that's when it started to get... complicated. It was easy when he could just think about Namgyu as some guy he gets shitfaced with, but when he took Namgyu to his studio and put him on his goddamn track, that's when their dynamic... shifted.
After that, Namgyu started sleeping on the couch in his studio more often while Thanos would spend hours producing, and then they'd go get food and smoke weed. It was like they had this routine going, and it felt like some fucked up version of the domestic shit normal people's parents do.
Even then, though—even when Thanos had admitted that he does give a shit about Namgyu—there was still a way for him to play it off in his mind like they were just close. And that became even easier when he realized that Namgyu thought Thanos didn't remember the whole blowjob thing. So, it really could have stayed the way it was. They could have just stayed best buds, or whatever the fuck they are, but Thanos has a habit of pushing things to their limit, and Namgyu has a habit of letting him.
They're addicts. They don't really talk about that fact, but both of them should probably be on a list of people banned at blood banks for how toxic theirs is. Point is, it was never going to be something that wasn't pushed to the limit, and it really fucking was.
He's not even sure how he started doing it, but eventually, flirting with Namgyu, touching Namgyu, buying shit for Namgyu, recording Namgyu for his track, calling Namgyu petnames—gay, fucking caring for Namgyu became part of the routine.
And he liked doing it. He liked the way Namgyu never really got used to people doing shit for him, or maybe it's just that it was Thanos doing it for him that he got off on, but either way, Thanos could offer him a bottle of water and Namgyu would do the whole chick routine. Splotchy blush. Hair behind ears. Hands in sleeves. And sometimes, a bounce in his walk. It was his signature or some shit.
Despite all of that, though, they never evolved past the teasing shit. Until, of course, they fucking did.
Namsu:
Whaf is hpnen rn
aru cmig t pegaon tnit
Cn u com
Yo, what the fuck? This is the first thing Thanos thinks when he gets the text about an hour after Namgyu leaves his house to go to work. They don't really text often, and when they do, it's more in the realm of "come over" and "wanna get high." And despite Namgyu's outrageously shaky hands, he's not really one to have a lot of typos. At least not this many.
So, Thanos can only come to the conclusion that A. Namgyu is somehow more high than usual or B. Something is wrong. He feels a shiver go down his spine when the more he reads the words, the more it seems like option B is what's going on. For one, Namgyu doesn't triple text. In fact, he hardly triple-syllables. For two, it seems like he's asking Thanos to come to Pentagon. Namgyu. Asking.
Thanos doesn't even finish rolling his joint before he's out the door and on his way to Pentagon, and the minute he gets there, he understands what's going on.
Clowns, dude. Namgyu fucking hates clowns, not even in a slightly off-put way; no, the guy's got a genuine phobia. So, it's basically got to be some nightmare shit for him to be high off the edibles they took earlier and surrounded by a bunch of clowns because Pentagon is a club with the shittiest themes on the planet, and Namgyu is the most inattentive promoter on the planet.
"Hey, do you know where Namgyu is?" He asks Minsu, one of the workers that Namgyu bitches at on the regular—fucking mean girl.
Minsu looks at him with wide eyes before shaking his head. "I don't know. Maybe the bathrooms," he shrugs with a pained look on his face. "Sorry, but, uh, if you find him, can you not tell him that we talked?"
The question is weird, but the more he thinks about it, the more he sort of understands. "I got you, my boy," he reassures with a wink as he looks around distractedly.
"Oh my god, I'm going to die," Minsu mumbles to himself before scurrying away with a miserable look on his face when someone calls his name.
Strange, but Thanos has more important things on his hands. He walks as fast as socially acceptable—not that he cares, but if he knocks into the wrong chick, then he's getting his shit rocked—to the bathroom, swings open the door, and makes eye contact with a random guy pissing. No Namgyu.
He's just about ready to call Namgyu an embarrassing amount of times when the door to the stall swings open to reveal Namgyu.... who looks scared shitless. You'd think it was armed gunmen instead of clowns.
"Thanos?" Namgyu asks when he notices him. "There's-"
"Clowns," Thanos finishes with a nod. "I know, man. Wanna leave?"
"Dude," Namgyu stresses the word. "Yes."
Thanos snorts as he grabs Namgyu's wrist to lead him out of the bathroom, "Are you... chill?" Thanos asks awkwardly.
Namgyu stops walking and forces Thanos to turn around with the force. "They're everywhere, man. I'm gonna freak." That's about close to a no that Thanos is gonna get from the guy. (See, complicated.)
"Yeah," Thanos sighs, rubbing a hand down his face. "Close your eyes, Namsu."
"I don't want a surprise right now," Namgyu levels him with a serious look. And, okay, to be fair, Thanos asks him to close his eyes all the time and then "surprise" him with an edible or a spoonful of cinnamon, but obviously, this is different.
"No, just, Jesus fucking Christ," Thanos groans before taking a deep breath. "If you close your eyes, then I can... lead you? I don't know, man. I'm high, too!"
Somehow, Namgyu seems to understand what he's saying, so he closes his eyes, and Thanos is left to fight the battle of worming his way through a bunch of drunk, high bitches alone.
"We did it, my boy!" Thanos announces when they finally break out of the club, and yeah, maybe he should have checked his surrounding because Namgyu opens his eyes, and Thanos only has a second to process before Namgyu brings up a slow finger and points behind them with like there's a fucking axe murderer or some shit.
Fuck. He's dumb. He already knew that, but overlooking that there would be a line of clowns waiting to get in is some real amateur shit. "Oh," Thanos winces, body going cold when tears start filling up Namgyu's eyes. Fuck. He's not good at this. "Shit, um, no. Come on, baby. Uh. Smile."
Namgyu's face drops even more, and his entire body starts to tremble.
"No, not that," Thanos corrects nervously, grabbing Namgyu's shoulder and shaking him side to side. "Smile, see, we're fine. Everything's fine," He sing-songs to him, but yeah, that shit ain't working.
Alright, fuck, Plan B. Sometimes, the best way to get Namgyu to do something is to take use the one thing he likes the most. Thanos, duh. "Hey, man. I came out thirty minutes to save your tweaking ass from these damn clowns, so why don't you show me some appreciation by getting in the car?" He snaps, and no, he's not actually mad. It's just if Namgyu thinks he is, then—
"Okay," Namgyu agrees, eyes finally focusing on Thanos instead of the damn clowns as his hands tuck his hair.
It's a quiet car ride home, which is weird. Part of the reason why Thanos fucks with Namgyu is that the guy has the capacity to talk almost as much as him. Seriously. Get some weed in his system, and he'll start bringing up the strangest shit. Given the circumstances, Thanos expected a little bit of quiet given... whatever. But that's not the only thing weird.
Namgyu's got his knees turned toward the door, arms crossed, and he won't even look in Thanos's direction. He's definitely pissed. At what, Thanos isn't really sure, but he's the who.
And it's some real annoying shit because even when they get inside and Namgyu takes his place on Thanos's couch, he faces the other direction. This dumbass is really looking straight into a couch cushion to avoid looking at him.
At first, it's actually pretty funny, but then an hour passes and Namgyu still hasn't said a word to him, and suddenly it's not all that funny, "Okay, dude, what's your problem?"
"Nothing," Namgyu scoffs in the same way he does when someone asks him if he's supposed to be working. Thanos is getting Namgyu's mean-girl treatment. What the fuck? "Go back to your music. I wouldn't want to bother you."
Ah. Alright, cool. So, that's what this is about. "Nah," Thanos says, as he goes to squat next to the couch with a smile. "I think I'm gonna sit here, and you're gonna tell me why you're acting like a bitch on her period."
Namgyu is still for a moment before he flips to look Thanos in the eye. "You yelled at me, man. You don't— You never did that," he explains with an upset crinkle between his eyebrows.
Ouch. Major damage. "Oh, that," Thanos sighs as he brings a hand up to smooth the crinkle.
"Why'd you even come if it was so inconvenient? I've dealt with bad trips. Just tell me to fuck off next time," he sighs, sitting up on the couch.
Was he really that harsh? He just spewed the first thing he thought would get Namgyu to lock in. "It wasn't, dude," Thanos waves off tiredly as he takes a seat next to him on the couch.
"Then why'd you say—"
"Because you were scared!" Thanos blurts, taking a deep breath after. "You were fucking crying, and I wanted you to stop because I—" He cuts himself off.
"Because why?" Namgyu asks, head turning to look him in the eye.
Thanos turns away."Because you're my boy, but you're also my people, you feel? Not like I wanna see you crying."
"Oh," Namgyu breathes in that reverent tone that makes Thanos feel like someone cut him open. "Well, I don't really cry that often, so don't let that weigh too heavy on your mind, Subong. It's just the clowns."
"Fucking clowns, man. That's some mad lame shit to be scared of. What'd they give the wrong flavor cotton candy when you were a kid?" Thanos jokes over the sound of his heartbeat in his ears when he hears his real name.
Namgyu snorts and pushes Thanos's shoulder with both hands, "Shut up, man. We've all got our shit."
"Yeah," Thanos agrees with a sigh.
And then, it's quiet, and the two of them are just staring into each other's eyes, and Thanos isn't sure how he never noticed how damn long Namgyu's eyelashes are or how fucking pretty his face is when you really look at, but now, it's like he can't focus on anything but that.
He can't really say who moved first, but they're closer than ever, breathing in each other's air, and it's a lot, but it's not enough. It's the moment before a needle enters your arm or a pill your mouth. It's making his hands itch with the need to just grab Namgyu and-
"Can I-"
"Yes," Namgyu interrupts.
Fuck. That's all it takes, and Namgyu is in his lap with his hands pulling at the roots of Thanos's hair. It's familiar, the weight of it all, but it's also different. Namgyu's mouth is just as hot and sweet as he remembers, but it's so different when it's touching Thanos's. Drugs are out, Namgyu is in. The way he arches into Thanos's hands when they land on his hips and lets Thanos plunge his tongue into his mouth way too soon has his mind feeling lighter than anything before.
It's the definition of filthy. Namgyu is making these slutty fucking noises in his mouth, and Thanos's hands have moved from Namgyu's hips to his ass. He's never been able to keep things sweet, and this is no exception. His tongue is tracing Namgyu's teeth, and he gives Namgyu's ass a squeeze that has him pulling away and throwing his head back. Open fucking season. Thanos attaches his mouth to Namgyu's long, pale neck in a second and bites him in a way that will make Namgyu remember who exactly gave him the marks.
"Thanos!" Namgyu whines his name as his hands clutch at Thanos's shoulder. God, he's always so fucking affected. "There's gonna be—I have work."
Thanos chuckles into Namgyu's neck, "You don't give a fuck. You love being mine. My boy. You want everyone to know, isn't that right?"
"Yours," Namgyu nods, grinding down and tilting his head in a way that offers Thanos easier access.
"Yeah, you're mine," Thanos laughs as one of his hands snakes around to Namgyu's waistband. "And don't ever say I don't take care of what's mine," he murmurs, picking Namgyu up and flipping them so that he's in between the other's legs.
"Touch me," Namgyu pleads, all splain out for Thanos. "Please, Subong."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Thanos feels all the blood leave his head at the words, and he puts his hand in front of Namgyu's mouth, "I'm gonna make you feel so good, gorgeous. Gonna touch you 'til you're begging me not to. Spit."
It should be a little disgusting, but the way Namgyu spits into his hand has Thanos leaking precum in his pants like a fucking virgin. But he's got a reputation to live up to, so he's gonna have Namgyu seeing stars before he even thinks about himself.
He goes to take off his rings, but Namgyu grabs his hand and shakes his head, "No! Keep them on. It's hot. Please," he asks, head turning to the side like voicing the thought embarrasses him.
"Pain slut," Thanos snorts but leaves them on regardless. "Then you want to act all shy and shit. Drives me fucking crazy." It really does. He has the nerve to pull the whole innocent act even now when he's practically drooling for it, and his pupils are swallowing his irises.
He slides down Namgyu's nerdy fucking dress pants to reveal his cock, and of course, he looks painfully hard. If Thanos thought he was leaking like a virgin, he's got nothing on Namgyu, whose dick looks like it could come from the right type of breeze.
"Aww," Thanos coos. "What's got you all hot and bothered? All I did was mark you up."
"I want it so bad. Think about it all the time," Namgyu says through shaky breaths, hands quickly covered with sleeves.
Something about that movement paired with the words has Thanos feeling the same fucking caveman aggression he did when he saw the other in his clothes, and he's not even thinking about it when he rips Namgyu's shirt open before grabbing both his wrists to put them over his head.
"That, too. The fucking sleeve thing. You're all over me like you want me to bend you over and have you wherever I want, but I say one thing to you, and it's the fucking sleeves. Gets me so fucking hot for you," he growls, licking a stripe of Namgyu's stomach before leaving a bite mark on his chest.
"It's just a habit," Namgyu defends through a moan, wrists resisting Thanos for a second like he's about the make the damn sweater paws again before he gives up. "Fucking pervert."
Thanos smirks and wraps his hand around Namgyu's cock, jerking him off roughly. "Yeah? Thanos is the pervert here?" He asks as he swirls his palm around Namgyu's tip. He probably didn't even need the spit with how much precum was pearling with just a couple of seconds of Thanos's hands on him.
"Yes," Namgyu answers as his hips rise to meet Thanos's movements.
"But you're the one who was 'thinking about this for so long.' Every time you sat on my lap, I bet you wanted me to grab you and pull you down on my cock. I think you might be the perve here," He argues as he leaves a trail of kisses up Namgyu's body until they're nose to nose.
"No," Namgyu shakes his head, but it's such bullshit. "You're the one with the weird sleeve thing."
"Yeah, whatever," Thanos murmurs against Namgyu's lips. "You can deny it all you want, but I know how much you get off on it. Bet you've jerked this pretty cock a thousand times thinking about this."
He can see Namgyu open his mouth to deny it, but Thanos swivels the thumb over his tip, and all he does is peck his lips against Thanos's before pulling back, "Yeah."
"Yeah," Thanos repeats with a smile. "Knew it," he teases before plunging into Namgyu's mouth and speeding up the movements on his cock.
Namgyu is all moans and jumpy hips and pleads from there, and Thanos feels like he'd definitely receive some type of karma if he denied any of it this time around, so when Namgyu's eyes snap open, and he no longer has the coherency to do anything but pant into Thanos's mouth, he pulls out all the stops until Namgyu is coming all over his hand.
After the fact, he releases Namgyu's wrist and attempts to close the remainder of his shirt as the other lies there panting and boneless.
Ten seconds. Thanos is gone for ten seconds to clean the sperm off his fucking hand, and when he comes back, Namgyu is passed out on the couch with his pants still around his thighs.
Jesus fucking Christ, Thanos rolls his eyes as he pulls up Namgyu's pants and puts him in a more comfortable position that won't have him bitching about his back pain in the morning.
If it were any other of his hook-ups, Thanos would wake them the fuck up and tell them to suck it or get out—once again, he never claimed to be a saint—but he actually doesn't mind this outcome as much as he usually would. For one, he feels like he's got shit square with the creator, considering that last time he sort of called Namgyu a whore and left him on a bathroom floor after the fact, which, yeah, he'd currently be pissed as fuck at anyone who tried that shit on Namgyu. But! Since he can't beat himself up, this will have to do.
As for now, he sort of just sits there with his cock hard as he plays with the hairs that frame Namgyu's face. He catches himself smiling a few times, and it's some real gay shit, but he just jerked a guy off, and nobody is there to pass judgment or whatever, so it doesn't even matter.
There's this feeling he used to get before he discovered drugs. He never did any of the girly shit, like going to therapy for it, but he started to figure out the pattern after a while. It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you say the wrong thing, and everyone looks around like you're a goddamn weirdo. Or, Or! When you're about to go on stage, it's awkward for that split second before people figure out whether they like you. The best way to describe it is all of your insides feeling too large. Like they're just waiting to spill out from every hole in your body. Fucking uncomfortable.
Nowadays, Thanos just rolls a joint, and his body stops feeling tight all over, but he's high right now, and his chest feels weird, like a balloon with a hole in it. The last time he felt this, he forgot the words to his rap on national fucking television, and now, he's feeling it again, so that can only mean a shit storm is to come.
With that circling his mind, he has a bit of an epiphany. Or more like a question. What the fuck has he been doing? He's damn near thirty, and he's supposed to be finishing his fucking album, but instead of doing that, he's been slumming it with some fanboy every night.
Namgyu is a problem. He wormed his way into Thanos's brain and got him all caught up in the flirty bullshit. He just jerked a dude off, for God's sake. It has to end. It has to end before something bad happens.
Which leaves him to now. It didn't take much for Thanos to ghost Namgyu, and it only took a couple of unanswered text messages and a few nights left alone at Pentagon for him to figure out that Thanos had peaced out.
It took Thanos exactly two weeks after that to wish that he never did.
The entire thought process was that he was worse off with Namgyu because that's a pretty logical conclusion. He made Thanos feel all light and weak and fucking soft, and he probably wasted more time staring at Namgyu's sleeping form and talking about fucking aliens—Yeah, Namgyu's a theorist when he's high—than recording anything. But... he was happy?
That's fucking weird. Thanos has never really given a shit about happiness because he can't remember a time when he was. Not even in that pansy way that people say it, but genuinely, it felt like he was always chasing that feeling that everyone else described, but for him, it was just fleeting. He thought it was like being high or performing, that chemical rush of drugs or adrenaline, but it's something lighter than that.
It's like... bright and warm. And constant. The last part is probably what made him miss the fact that he was happy. He didn't even recognize that it was there because it had been present ever since he got high with Namgyu that first time.
It really only hit him that that was what it was when he got used to the cold, numb feeling again, only to get back the warm, bright shit when he saw a picture of a goddamn cat on his feed and thought of Namgyu.
Immediate, but gone in a second. It was there, though, and it was enough to make him come to the conclusion that he felt something more than care for the promoter.
There was also the fact that, even with one of his raps breaking the top 100, he still felt like shit, and yes, it was, of course, the one with Namgyu calling out his real fucking name because, even if he got blue-balled, karma still wasn't on his side. It was the most stable he'd ever been in his life, yet, he felt the shittiest he ever had.
And Subong, not Thanos, Subong has lived through a lot of lows. He lived through enough lows, in fact, that he tried to die with them. So, yeah, not to get introspective, but Thanos knows what feeling shitty is like, and he knows how to bounce back, but even with the new stream of fans and his dad deciding to give him a call to let him know he's proud—fucking prick—he still felt nothing.
Entitlement is natural for people like him, and shame is basically non-existent, but he still couldn't bring himself to fix his damn problems. Because in this case, yeah, he'd be helping himself, but he'd be fucking with Namgyu. Hurting Namgyu. And for the first time in his life, he cares if he's hurting someone.
Namgyu isn't a good person, either. They're both douchebags, that's no new news, but the thing is, that's sort of what makes them good. With Namgyu, he wants to be fucking nice and caring. There's meaning with Namgyu if that makes sense. It probably fucking doesn't. Feelings aren't his thing, and he's always been shit at explaining them.
Bottom line, he wants nothing more than to steal Namgyu from his job and keep him on his fucking basement couch forever and make him cry when he comes and kiss his stupid freckles after the fact. (See! Sappy, gay shit!) He can't, though.
Well... He can't until he figures out a way to earn Namgyu back because, if he were Namgyu, then he'd probably beat the shit out of him, but since Namgyu is Namgyu, he'll probably just come back regardless of the emotional, messy shit Thanos has been putting him through for the past three weeks.
"Are you kidding me?" Semi, his tattoo artist—yes, he knew her name, but explaining that she was covering up his damn suicide attempt scars is kind of a downer—asks.
Thanos groans at the response, "Hyperrealism is like your thing, right, señorita?"
"I mean, yeah, man, but this seems a little weird. Do you even have a picture?" She scoffs with crossed arms.
Thanos leans against the counter, "No, but I've got a good memory. I swear. It'll be like in those dumbass detective shows with the sketch artists."
"That happens in real life, too, Thanos," Semi says, her mouth a line. "But, I guess we could try it. Don't be a dick if it's not perfect."
"Wouldn't dream of it, Señorita!" Thanos waves off with a wink. "It sort of does have to be perfect, though. So try not to fuck up, alright?"
Semi grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him off balance, "Are you talking to me?
"Uh," Thanos starts, gently detaching her hand. "Nah, I was on the phone."
She rolls her eyes and nods, "Good, that's what I thought. Look, just come by sometime tomorrow, and we'll get it done. I'm all booked for today."
"You're the shit, Semi!" Thanos whoops.
"Obviously," Semi replies with another eye roll. He'd pay to see her and Namgyu go head to head in a bitch off. "Now get the fuck out. I have actual paying customers coming by soon."
"Consider me gone," Thanos replies, already walking out the door. Normally, he'd stick around to annoy the shit out of Semi a little more, but he has some shit he's got to get done yesterday.
It's after three days straight of work—and yes, he means that. Three. Days. Straight—when he finally finishes, and it's one day later that he waits patiently for Namgyu to make his move. If he doesn't, well, Thanos is just going to have to kill himself... Kidding! He's kidding! Maybe...
It doesn't matter how easily a joint would untie the knot in his stomach; Thanos spends all day pacing instead of reaching for the gram of weed he bought two days ago because if Namgyu does decide that they can... well, he doesn't even know where they would go from the shit they're in now, but if it does happen, then he wants to be sober. He's already shit at the feely crap, but it can only get worse if he's high, so there, sobriety... for a day.
Waiting, though. It sucks ass. It's been a full twenty-four hours since he "reached out," and he's starting to think that Namgyu figured out what self-worth is in these two weeks. A pretty unlucky time for character development if you ask-
Namsu
Dude.
Is that my fucking nipple?
Thanos stops his pacing, looks up at the sky, puts both hands together, and smiles. "Thank you! Bro, I owe you. I'm still gonna do drugs, but I owe you."
Me
Kind of
It's a sketch
Thanos's strategy is to let Namgyu control where this goes.
Namsu
💀
Why?
Me
Come over?
Okay, so he gave up on that strategy. He doesn't want to text Namgyu some gay-ass paragraph, and Namgyu isn't going to take the initiative even if he does want to see Thanos.
It might have been too much too fast if the way the typing bubble has disappeared and then reappeared like twenty times is anything to base shit off of. This must be what edging feels like. How is anybody into this shit?
Namsu
Can't
Work
Boss is cracking down
It's a good enough excuse for Thanos to think there's a slither of truth to it, but it's not a direct fuck off, so he can still try one more thing.
Me
Listen to the album
Come over whenever
Thanos, not without shame, turns his phone off and throws it across the room after the last text. Namgyu's chick shit must be rubbing off on him because it's such a pussy move. He can't really do anything but wait at this point, but it's getting so old. How the hell do people say I'd wait a thousand years for you with a straight-ass face?
But he fucking waits. He waits until 3:00 AM the next day before his lack of sleep finally starts to kick in, and he conks the hell out.
"Dude! Let me in!" A muffled voice wakes him at god knows what time, and Thanos is about to yell at the person to fuck off until he remembers that, oh yeah, it could really only be one person.
He runs to the door like someone lit a fire under his ass and opens it to see a suspiciously damp Namgyu. Shiiiittttttt. Not a good start.
Remember how he threw his phone earlier? Well, he never actually rechecked it, so he never actually found out if Namgyu decided to come over. In his defense, he did not know it was going to be raining outside.
But yeah, Namgyu is currently looking at him with crossed arms, dripping hair, and—
"My boy, when'd you get glasses?" He asks, leaning forward to inspect closer, only for Namgyu to push him away roughly.
"When'd I get—Dude, what? Can I come in?" He asks as he wipes the water off his glasses. "And don't my boy me."
Okay, yeah, fair crashout. "My bad, man," Thanos apologizes, grabbing Namgyu's wrist to pull him in.
It's so fucking awkward. Thanos doesn't really know where to start, and even if he did, he has no clue what the end goal is. Like, yeah, he wants Namgyu and him to keep doing what they were, but even then, there was always something more, so does he want more or... Yeah, it's messy.
"Thanos, what the hell, dude?" Namgyu answers his prayers and decides to start the conversation himself. "You go all Casper on me, and then you, what, want to apologize by making my torso your album cover?"
Well, yes. Sort of. Thanos isn't good at feelings. Established. He's good at music, so he thought that if he was able to talk about everything in a way he knew how then Namgyu would see. "Yes?"
Namgyu stares at him blankly before letting out an exhausted sigh. "Should I go?" he asks, taking off his glasses and wiping them on his sweatshirt.
"Shit, no," Thanos blurts out before he grabs Namgyu's hand, drags him downstairs, and sits in his chair with Namgyu standing above him. Not without protest, but they get there.
"Thanos-"
"No, just listen," Thanos interrupts, pulling out the vinyl version and pointing to the song titles. "It's not just about the cover. That's part of it, but it's not just the cover that's about you. It's all of it. Bathroom. The first time we met. Tattoo. Dude, come on, who else would that be about? In My Clothes. You think anyone else gets to wear my shit? Sleep, Baby. That couch. Right there. Do you know how many times I watched you instead of working? Cat Eyes. Freckles. My Boy. Your Name. Sleeves. It's yours. It's your album," He explains in a borderline manic-ass way, pointing to each one of the titles.
He's not brave, and he's not high, so he doesn't look up to see Namgyu's reaction, but he feels the slightest surge of relief when Namgyu's shaky hands enter his line of sight and take the album from him. "What?! Those were about me?" Namgyu exclaims loudly, moving to stand in front of Thanos.
"That's what I said," Thanos nods, still not making eye contact. He feels fucking exposed like this. "I wanted to call it your name, but my company wouldn't let me."
"But you said— In like half of those songs— and- wait. You remember the bathroom?!" Namgyu rambles, and when Thanos finally looks up, he has wide eyes, and his hands are coming up to tuck his hair.
"Sort of," Thanos shrugs. "I never said I didn't. You just assumed," he argues, mouth twitching when he notices the category-five bitchy face.
Namgyu lightly kicks one of his shins, "Dude! Not cool! I thought I was going crazy!" He scolds before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, that's not important, I guess... Why'd you do it, man? Why'd you cut me off?" He asks, hurt replacing any of the anger on his face. He looks tired. Vulnerable. It makes Thanos feel like shit.
He figures that now is as good a time as any to be honest with Namgyu. "Because I'm fucked up," he answers, stopping Namgyu with a hand when the scowl is back on his face. "No! Like, really. You think I'm this cool celebrity or something, but I'm not, and I didn't want to wait around for you to figure out that Choi Subong isn't as cool as Thanos and leave. Because I fucking like you, and I didn't want you to stop liking me. That's it. That's why I left." He explains. It's messy. Sloppy. He's not even sure if he made any sense, and he can't bring himself to look Namgyu in his pretty eyes.
"CS1," Namgyu's voice comes out neutral. "That was your first stage name, right? Before you were Thanos."
His head snaps up the minute the old name is used. Jesus Christ. Thanos hasn't used that name since he was eighteen and trying to figure out how to tell his parents he dropped out of university. He got like ten streams with that name. "How did you—"
"Choi Subong 1," Namgyu figures out the initials. "I was fifteen when he became my favorite rapper, and I didn't like him because I thought he was some cool celebrity. I like him—you—because you were rapping about all the shit I was feeling. However fucked up you think you are, I'm right there with you, man. That's why I—" He cuts himself off suddenly, hands pulling his sleeves down.
"Why what?" Thanos waits with bated breath.
Namgyu takes a deep breath. "I love you," he says with determination. "Thanos. Subong. All of you. And I hate everybody. So quit being a dick to me because I wouldn't let anybody else get away with that shit."
"Fuck," Thanos wheezes out, no air in his lungs. It's like he's seeing Namgyu clearly for the first time.
He does hate everybody. He's mean and bitchy and rude, but not to Thanos. He has too much pride for his own good but doesn't give a damn about looking desperate when it's him. He can get drugs any time he wants, but he says he can't as an excuse to be around Thanos. Subong. Namgyu loves him completely and utterly selflessly. He's Namgyu's exception.
And Namgyu is his. Thanos doesn't let people touch him unless they're fucking, but he lets Namgyu hang off him. Thanos has never had another person in his studio while he's recording, but it was natural to have Namgyu there. He's poor as shit! He doesn't buy people food, but he lets Namgyu order whatever the fuck he wants. He hated Subong so much that he took a razor blade to his wrists at age nineteen, but he practically begged Namgyu to say the name in that lilting tone of his. Thanos would throw himself in front of a bus for Namgyu, but he'd push any other fucker if it saved his skin. That's—
He swallows. "Love," he tries out the word that has always felt so foreign in his mouth. "I've been trying to put a name to it, but I'm pretty shit at those. But yeah, you got it before I did. I... love you?" It's still fucking weird to say, but it doesn't sound wrong.
Namgyu's face breaks out in a smile, and his hands reach up to tuck his hair before he makes eye contact with Thanos. "That's really gay, man."
Thanos laughs because, yeah, it's downright pussy shit, "Bunch of homos, you and I."
"Man, don't say that!" Namgyu laughs with a hand over his mouth. "You're making it sound weird!"
"It's true, my boy," Thanos nods decisively. "You love me and shit. Said it yourself."
"Yeah, well," Namgyu gets that mean girl look in his eyes. "You named an album after me, and you had someone draw my shitty tattoos. That's gay. Even if you forgot the best one."
What. Thanos sat with Semi for hours, trying to make that shit perfect. No way did he forget something. He wouldn't. "You're lying, my boy."
Namgyu shakes his head with a mischievous look before straddling one of Thanos's knees (Hot. So hot.) "Left collarbone. Look for yourself," he shrugs.
He pauses for a second before stripping Namgyu's hoodie off, leaving him completely bare, and— no fucking way. CS1. CS1 is branded on Namgyu's collarbone in his shitty fucking handwriting. "You—" Thanos swallows, fingers coming up to trace the letters. "You're such a fanboy. Holy shit," he laughs in disbelief.
"Whatever, man," Namgyu waves off airily as his arms wrap around Thanos's neck and his lips go to his ear. "You like it. I know you do. I can feel it," he whispers, his soft lips tickling Thanos's ear, causing heat to pool in his stomach.
Alright, so Thanos is going to fuck the shit out of him. "Yeah?" Thanos smiles as he moves his hands to Namgyu's waist. Shit's tiny. "Wanna know something, Namgyu?"
A strangled noise escapes Namgyu at the sound of his name, and the cocky asshole from a second ago has a full-body shiver. "What?" he whispers in Thanos's ear.
"I like pretty much everything about you," He reveals with a smirk because Namgyu might get off on pain, but he's a goddamn whore for the sweet talk shit. "Your mouth, your eyes, your shitty tattoos, your ears-"
Namgyu interrupts him with a laugh, "That's stupid. Ears are ears."
"Yeah, well," Thanos shrugs. "Yours are cute. You're cute. My cute fanboy," he coos, a little condescension slipping into his voice as his hands slide up and down Namgyu's body.
"Shut up, man," Namgyu groans, dropping his forehead on Thanos's shoulder. "So embarrassing."
"Wow, feisty," Thanos comments, lifting Namgyu's head so he can nip at his tattoo. His name. On Namgyu's fucking collarbone. "You weren't like this the first time, you know? It was all Thanos, please! Can I come, Thanos?!"
Namgyu gasps and hits his shoulder, "I don't sound like that. You made me sound like a bitch!"
"Yeah, I'm about to," Thanos agrees, licking a line up Namgyu's collarbone to his ear. "Gonna have you screaming my name, and then, I'm gonna put it all over my next track, and then everyone will know your Thanos's slut." Said lovingly.
"Please," Namgyu blurts out, mouth hovering over Thanos's. "Kiss me?"
Thanos can hardly get himself to stop smiling—goddamn cheesy—but he kisses Namgyu the best he can, and it's like the first time, except maybe... sweeter? Yeah, it's sweet. Namgyu and him are pretty much just breathing into each other's mouths in between smiles, but it's still desperate and spit-slick in the way that it always is with Namgyu.
It's like they're teenagers with the way they're grinding against each other and kissing like it's the first time they've ever done it, but Thanos doesn't feel any of the urgency he usually does with this shit. It's like he wants to take his time in case he ever forgets what it's like to have Namgyu like this.
Perfect. That's the first word that comes to mind, even if it feels like a stupid one. Still, Namgyu is soft and enthusiastic and reactive and— Yeah, he's perfect like this. He's a good kisser, too. His tongue explores Thanos's mouth with an ease that makes him want to press down a little harder where his hands are on Namgyu's hips because, damn, someone else has had him like this before. Someone else got to hear Namgyu's soft sighs and feel his body clench up a little every time their hands touched the right spot. That blows, but for right now, and probably a long damn time, it's all his.
"Touch me?" Namgyu requests in this whiny tone that Thanos wants to sample and put on every song for the rest of his life. "Subong, please, just do something."
Thanos removes one of his hands from Namgyu's waist and snakes it up to the back of his neck, pulling the other away from him to get a better look. "Gorgeous. You're so fucking pretty," Thanos whispers when he sees how fucked out Namgyu looks. His lips are swollen and red, his face is all flushed, and his eyes are blown out like he just did a line.
"Fuck me," Namgyu asks in this polite fuck tone, tucking his hair behind one ear. "I want you to. Please, I want it all the time."
"All the time, huh?" Thanos teases, standing up and holding the skinny shit with one arm. (He'll get him eating more than one meal when he gets his royalties.) "Is that what you were dreaming about all those times you slept on that couch? That's pretty naughty," He comments, setting Namgyu down on the desk in front of them and pulling his shorts off.
"What? No!" Namgyu shakes his head, but the intense splotchy red color on his face picks up the phone and calls bullshit.
"Such a damn liar," Thanos tuts as he wraps his hand around Namgyu's weeping cock. "It's okay, though. I'm gonna make those dreams come true, gorgeous."
"Oh, god," Namgyu moans, throwing his head and wrapping his legs tighter around Thanos. "Please, can you- Shirt?"
Thanos isn't sure what the fuck he wants because, for all the talking Namgyu does, he can never get his words out during shit like this, but then it hits him, and his shirt is off in seconds... and Namgyu fucking twitches in his hand like he's about to cum. He knows he's what a lot of people would consider attractive, but Jesus. He's not even sure he'll get to fucking Namgyu if this is how he reacts.
"Wow, It goes all the way down," Namgyu comments breathily as his fucking bedroom eyes trace the tattoos that go down Thanos's sides. "I always wanted to know."
"You like that?" Thanos chuckles, taking one of Namgyu's hands up to his neck. "This one goes down my back. Wanna give me some more?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" He chants, but then Namgyu's body does that squirmy thing, and Thanos genuinely has to squeeze the base of his cock to stop him from coming, his heart twinging a little when Namgyu looks at him with hurt eyes. "Why?" he whines.
"Because my baby can only do one, and it's gonna happen with my dick inside of him," Thanos murmurs, mimicking the pout on Namgyu's face and snorting when one of Namgyu's socked feet kicks his back. "Don't worry, I'll make it worth your while. Suck," he instructs softly, bringing two of his fingers to Namgyu's lips. Prep. He researched this.
Namgyu hesitates for a moment before he looks Thanos dead in the eyes and takes them all the way down his throat. "Jesus," Thanos groans, looking away for a second so he doesn't cum in his pants like a loser.
Did he mention Namgyu's a whore for his attention? Yeah, well, when Thanos doesn't look back while he's doing his crazy tongue tricks on his fingers, the shitheads fucking nips him. "Okay, that's enough of that," Thanos removes his fingers with a pop. "I'm trying to get my dick in you, remember?"
"Fingers first," Namgyu nods with urgency, and Thanos isn't really one to deny him, so he's flipped around with his back arched in seconds. "Hurry, hurry. Fuck me."
"Just a second, my boy," Thanos reassures, stroking up and down Namgyu's soft back before taking off his rings. "Alright, relax for me. I'm gonna put one in," he directs, and this part, he can do. He might not have ever gotten with a guy, but he's had plenty of anal.
Namgyu shudders before he practically melts into the desk, and for a second, Thanos is happy he can't see Namgyu because that means Namgyu can't see him cheesing like a weirdo while putting a finger in the guy's ass. "God, you're pretty everywhere," Thanos mumbles, more to himself than Namgyu.
It's true, though. Pretty face, pretty waist, pretty ass. A fucking treasure— "Hurry!" An impatient one, but a treasure.
"Shh, let me have this," Thanos says, stroking Namgyu's long hair. "I've never seen you like this. I wanna remember it," he explains, adding another finger and scissoring inside. He's tight. Tight enough to have Thanos worried about hurting him.
"I'm fine, it's good," Namgyu sighs with content, cheek resting on his forearm. Not that Thanos isn't happy that he's fine, but he sort of wants to have the guy seeing stars. With that thought in mind, Thanos looks for the spot that the wiki-how page was talking about— "There! Again!" Namgyu practically moans out, cutting his sounds off halfway through by biting down on his arm.
"Don't do that," Thanos blurts a little aggressively, stroking Namgyu's back when he jumps a little. "Sorry, just— It's hot. Let me hear you," he instructs, stroking the spot again and closing his eyes when Namgyu's noises start up again. Fucking musical.
"Can you—Fuck! Can you do another?" Namgyu pants, hand dropping to his cock. Thanos rolls his eyes at the action. The one-nut-wonder is at it again. Not on his watch, he thinks, grabbing both of Namgyu's wrists and restricting them behind his back.
"Sorry, baby. On my dick, remember?" He soothes when Namgyu turns to look at him over his shoulder with a devastated look. "Don't worry, I haven't heard any complaints about my stroke game yet." Wrong move. Namgyu's face morphs into a scowl. Possessive little shit. Rookie mistake.
"Don't talk about other people with your fingers in me, man!" he scolds, but it's a little ineffective with how shaky his voice is.
Thanos rolls his eyes. "Whatever, you're the best either way," he waves off, adding another finger and moving them around until Namgyu's entire body is writhing. Shit. Can he come untouched? "Don't come. We're almost there, gorgeous."
"Thanos!" Namgyu whines, wrists wriggling in his hold. "Please, just put it in! Wanna feel it, anyway," he mumbles the last part, and that's all it takes for Thanos to shimmy out of his pants and flip Namgyu around.
He lines up his cock and runs his hands up and down Namgyu's sides. "I'm gonna put it in now. Tell me if it hurts, okay?" He requests in a slightly reedy voice as the anticipation starts to kill him. He's so hard it feels like his dick is gonna fall off.
"Kay," Namgyu nods rapidly, eyes boring into Thanos's soul. "Do it, come on. Do it. Fuck me." And just like that, he's inside Namgyu.
Tight. Obviously, it's tight and warm and fucking perfect because it's Namgyu, but it's also intense as fuck. Namgyu's arms are hanging loosely around his neck, one hand stroking his nape, and he's taking these deep, choppy breaths that make Thanos want to pull out and see if he's okay because, yeah, he puts Namgyu above himself. At the same time, though, he wants to turn the tears in Namgyu's eyes into ones of pleasure, so he just waits for the other to let him know.
"You're big," Namgyu pants, throwing his head back as he takes another gulping breath. "Just need a second."
"It's okay," Thanos whispers into his neck, leaving sloppy kisses over the marks that he already left. "Just tell me when baby."
It's a couple of seconds later that Namgyu's breathing finally evens out, and he pulls Thanos's head away from his neck. "Okay," he nods with determination. "Okay. You can do it."
Thanos starts slow, really just using his grip on Namgyu's waist to move him up and down, but the minute Namgyu's face starts scrunching in pleasure, and he whimpers out a little "Subong," it's basically over from there.
His hips piston in and out of the addictive heat, and he lets out a loud groan when Namgyu's fingers start clawing at his back, "You're so fucking tight. How's it feel?" He pants.
"Good!" Namgyu moans out, a line of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. "It's— full!" Okay, so the vocabulary is a little limited right now, but the tears rolling down Namgyu's face seem to be the good kind, so Thanos just speeds up and focuses on drilling the same spot over and over again.
"You're so fucking hot," Thanos growls in between kisses. "All mine, too. Nobody but me gets to see you like this, right? Such a little shit to everyone else but not me."
"Just—Unh! Yeah, just you," Namgyu nods, hair bouncing as Thanos moves him up and down to meet his thrusts. "Only want to be nice for you."
The words have him pausing for just a second as his heart feels fucking warm in his chest, "Yeah, you are. So good for me. Fucking love it," Thanos groans, resuming his thrusts when Namgyu hugs his arms around his neck and nips softly. Cute shit.
He thanks god for the fact that he's been edging Namgyu for a good hour straight because his body is already squirming when he puts his mouth to Thanos's ears and whispers, "Love you, Subong." He thanks god because that's basically all it takes for his orgasm to approach him like a freight train and for him to fuck into Namgyu's heat like he's never going to do it again because no, he's not coming before Namgyu.
"Yeah, I love you too, Namgyu," He whispers back, legs shaking as he tries to hold back. But like he said, Namgyu is a slut for praise, so that's all it takes for him to let out one final, high-pitched moan as he comes untouched on Thanos's cock, tightening up enough to basically rip the orgasm out of Thanos's body.
He stays inside him for a good ten minutes as they both try and catch their breath. "Damn," Thanos pants, finally removing himself from Namgyu's body when he feels the cum in between them start to dry. "Gay sex... who knew?"
Namgyu looks at him for a couple of seconds before he snorts, "Shut up, man. I can't feel my legs."
"Shit," Thanos whispers when he looks down and sees how, even after however long they spent melded together, Namgyu's legs are still trembling. "Give me a second," he says, grabbing his shirt and wiping the cum off of Namgyu as best he can.
"Wow, chivalry isn't dead," Namgyu mumbles, lifting his ass off the table to help Thanos get his pants back on.
"Yeah, well, I try," Thanos winks, slipping his own pants back on.
Namgyu nods tiredly, and yeah, that checks out. "Wanna sleep?" He asks, looking at the couch longingly.
"I could sleep," Thanos shrugs, tapping Namgyu's thigh. "I'm gonna carry you."
"Sweet," Namgyu comments, wrapping his legs around Thanos's waist.
"I know I am," Thanos quips back, carrying them over to the couch and lying down with Namgyu's head on his chest.
It's quiet for a moment before Namgyu's head pops up, and he straddles Thanos's lap. "Why's your dick so big, man? I felt like it was in my throat."
"We can do that if you want. Just give me a minute," Thanos offers, squeezing Namgyu's bare waist where the handprint bruises are.
"Hell, no!" Namgyu shakes his head before tucking his hair behind his ears. "Maybe later."
"Slut," Thanos teases with a lazy smile.
"Nevermind. Suck your own dick," Namgyu scoffs before going a little quiet.
Thanos sits up a little as his smile slowly drops, "What?"
"So, are we like..." Namgyu clears his throat awkwardly. "Boyfriends or some shit?"
Thanos considers the word for a second. Boyfriends. It's hella gay. Weird, too. But in a good way. Like when they say they love each other and shit. "Yeah, sure. We're boyfriends."
"Sweet," Namgyu cheers. Cute. "So, uh, are you gonna get my name tattooed on you?"
"Not if you're the one doing it," Thanos teases, tracing the shitty tattoo on his wrist. "From someone else, though? Yeah. A cat, right on my heart."
Namgyu snorts. "That's fucking gay, man."
"Yeah," Thanos nods. "We kind of are."