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Most days she was fine.
She was just a normal person running her shop. She served noodles, cleaned, chatted with the customers. Sometimes Kai or one of the other ninjas stopped by for lunch. Or dinner if Zane wasn’t cooking. It was a quiet life. Well, that’s not true. There was always someone in the restaurant making noise. A couple talking loudly to each other or a kid playing in one of the booths. But that’s the way she liked it.
Some days she was able to convince herself she was normal.
Some days she couldn’t.
It didn’t take much. Just the right shade of purple, a snake symbol that hit a little too close to home, someone mumbling that sounded a bit too much like ancient chanting.
She was back. Back to her father’s torture. Back to his control. Back to his cult. She was trapped and there was nothing she could do. The smell of the torches assaulted her nose. The purple marks on the cultests’ faces filled her vision. Her father grinned like a madman in front of her.
She felt the same fear. Of what would happen if she failed him. Of what would happen if she succeeded. He tried to control her. And he did. There was nothing she could do to escape him. Any thought of escape was treacherous on its own. So she didn’t have those. She followed orders like a good little cultist. Like she was supposed to. Like she was trained to do.
Somehow she got out of that heck. Of that prison. And now she didn’t show those feelings. When the purple was the right shade, when a snake looked like an Anacondrai, when she thought she heard the dreaded chanting. She plastered on a smile. She pretended to understand what the customers were saying as fear consumed her thoughts. She smiled when she needed to, pretending she was fine.
She wasn’t.
She heard once that people can’t be broken. They don’t need to be fixed. Then what was she? Why did the smallest things set her off? Why couldn’t she just live her life like a normal person? She was out of that place, out of his rule! Why was she still not okay? Why couldn’t she just be okay?
She blinked bringing herself back to the present. Quickly she scanned her surroundings for anyone who might have noticed the dejected look she was sure she had written across her face. Sometimes it was harder to hide.
The bell above the door chimed and she looked over just in time to see the ninjas. Well, Kai, Jay, and Lloyd anyway. Kai gave her a cocky smile as they headed over to their usual booth. She goodnaturedly rolled her eyes grinning back at him. If he would just get around to actually asking her out when they weren’t in danger, or in the middle of a fight then maybe she’d actually say yes. Instead, he just tried to “woo” her with flashy smiles and cocky remarks.
Grabbing them their usuals she headed over to their booth. At this point she had all their favorites memorized. Well except for Cole who ordered a different combination each time that always ended with, “Have you added cake to the menu yet?”
“Yessss food!” Lloyd cheered taking the bowl of noodles from her. Kai tried again with his cocky smile as she handed him his plate.
“Nice try fire boy,” she said, sliding the last dish to Jay.
“Thank you for the food, noodle lady,” Jay said, using the nickname Jay, Cole, and Lloyd had so kindly gifted her. Jay took the food immediately stuffing it in his mouth. “Mmm oh, we were talking about your dad’s snake people. That place was crazy, huh? All that chanting, and the marks on their faces? Kinda creepy if you ask me.”
She wanted to yell.
She wanted to yell so bad.
He didn’t have a right to complain. He didn’t have a right to be scared. He was there one time. He didn’t live it. He heard the chanting. He didn’t fall asleep at night to that haunting noise. He painted the markings on his face. He didn’t…didn’t…
That was her life. That was all she knew. She had seen every horror that place was hiding. She didn’t have the option to leave like he did that day he came.
That place that he thought was so scary, was the only place she had. And he was trying to claim it as his fear when it had been hers for as long as she could remember.
She smiled. It was strained and forced, but still believable. He didn’t deserve her anger, she thought. He was just trying to connect using their “shared experiences”. But he didn’t understand. He thought he did but he didn’t.
And she didn’t want him to. So she smiled.
“Yeah it was pretty bad,” she answered using the voice she reserved specifically for her dad’s evil empire. “Anyway, can’t stay and talk today,” she said gesturing to the, luckily, full restaurant. Turning away she caught Kai’s searching, sympathetic look. Somehow he knew more about the things she never told anyone than he should. He knew when the purples, and the snakes, and the mumbling got to her. Though she had no idea how.
She gave him a reassuring smile, as she left the table. Her hand immediately jumped to her shoulder the moment she was away from the table. She had let her mind wander a bit too far before. She never let her mind wander that far. She tried to never think about the tattoo on her back. The branding. The proof that she was never free of that place, of her father, no matter what she did. Proof of all the things she had done, because they had convinced her to. It marked her in a way that was irreversible.
She tried to leave that place in the past. She ran the noodle shop by herself. That was something her father would have never let her do. She was friends with the ninja. Practically the sworn enemies of that cult. Using her powers for what was right. Not what her father wanted with them. She tried. She tried so hard to rebel against everything that that place and her father taught her. And yet that snake stayed. Taunting her. Marking her as always belonging there, no matter what she did. She couldn’t escape. She belonged to it. And to her father.
Maybe she was broken.
She felt something touch her hand, and she jumped. Whipping around, she found Kai pulling his hand away from her. She noticed the hand that Kai had just touched was still on her shoulder over the tip of the tattoo. Quickly she pulled it away, trying to act as calm as she could.
“Just me Sky. You…okay?” He looked nervous.
Skylor smiled reassuringly. Opening her mouth to talk. She stopped. Tears pushed behind her eyes, threatening to fall. Her throat seized. There was no way she could talk without crying. Closing her mouth she just nodded, pushing the tears down where they belonged.
Kai still looked unsure. Of course, he knew she was lying. How could he not? But what was he supposed to do?
Skylor saw the sympathy in his eyes. Maybe she wouldn’t mind telling him about it. About all of it. Maybe telling someone would help. Maybe then she wouldn’t be so broken. Maybe.
It was definitely something to keep in mind.