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"This isn't a good idea."
"Charles. . . We have talked about this."
Charles shook his head, "I don't care. We can't- I can't. . . What if something happens?"
"It won't."
"You don't know that."
Edwin was giving him a saddened look. He hated that. Edwin wasn't supposed to be sad because of him.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, practically on instinct. Edwin just shook his head, taking a step closer. When he held out a hand, Charles was helpless to do anything but take it, sucking in a deep, unnecessary breath as Edwin intertwined their fingers.
"You do not need to apologize."
Charles gave a curt nod. His throat felt thick, as though it was caked with sludge or glue.
"We have talked about this," Edwin repeated, voice barely above a whisper.
"Look, maybe it'll be best if I just wait until later, yeah? And then there's nothing to worry about. You can-"
"Darling."
Charles' mouth snapped shut, his teeth clicking together.
That wasn't fair.
Edwin knew that that one little word had the power to stop Charles in his tracks. The lilt in his tone that just dripped with affection, the fond look in his eyes whenever he said it. . .
Edwin's other hand came up, his fingers tracing lightly over Charles' jaw and down his neck before coming to rest with his palm pressed to Charles' chest.
"You need rest."
" You need rest. That demon exorcism yesterday was rough, and it took a lot out of you. I'm fine." He pulled his hand out of Edwin’s, taking a step back just far enough to displace Edwin’s hand from his chest.
Edwin fixed him with a glare, "Yesterday you suffered iron burns and nearly had your head lobbed off during a fight with that demon. I do not know why you believe I cannot see your exhaustion.”
Charles looked down at the floor, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. The pair of them were stood in Crystal’s bedroom, the psychic having once again offered up her bed for them to use to get some rest while she was spending the night at Niko’s. Their friend had been pretty adamant since finding out that ghosts required rest that the boys needed a proper place to lie down rather than relying on the sofa and ratty old air mattress in their closet as they’d done for the last three decades. She and Niko both had been pestering them about turning one of the other spare, abandoned rooms near the office into an actual bedroom with an actual bed.
But Charles had gone three decades now without a proper bedroom, Edwin even longer. It felt. . . strange to afford themselves that kind of comfort, especially when they’d use it so rarely. Still, his body did seem to be aching to fall into Crystal’s plush pillows and mound of blankets, no matter how Charles wished to fight the feeling away.
“Charles, please," Edwin snapped. “You still have not fully recovered from the last time you chose not to rest yourself."
There was a sternness in his voice that had Charles grimacing, jerking a step back from Edwin. Despite all they'd talked through it, despite understanding Charles' reasons, Edwin still hadn't quite let go of that one. Charles supposed he’d probably be the same if their roles had been reversed, so he understood, to some extent, Edwin’s frustration over the matter. It remained a sore spot for both of them, though.
Seeing the look on his face, Edwin softened a little, “I apologize. That was unfair.”
Charles shook his head weakly. “‘S fine.”
A tense sort of silence fell between them. Apologies had never really been their strong suit. It wasn’t often that they needed them at all; usually they could move past whatever petty disagreement they’d had with nothing more than a smile or a nod of reassurance. But these days, it felt like apologizing to one another was all they were doing half the time. Their relationship was good, and they loved each other, so much, but. . .
It was still hard.
“I'll lie down with you," Charles conceded. “ But , that's it. That's the best I can do right now.”
Edwin studied him, looking every bit as displeased as Charles knew he would be. After a few moments, Edwin gave a curt nod.
“It is progress, I suppose," his voice reached Charles' ear with a tone of annoyance. Charles wilted a bit under his tone, his shoulders curling in as he stared at the flooring below.
Before he could worry too much that he’d truly angered Edwin, however, his hand was being taken again, Edwin’s touch gentle and soft as he threaded their fingers together. He let Edwin give him a soft tug, following him closer to the bed. Edwin laid down first, leaning his head back against Crystal’s plush pillows, and Charles was helpless to do anything other than follow. He stretched out next to Edwin, allowing himself to relax into the comfort of the bed, even if his muscles were still tense with worry.
He took a glance at Edwin, who had closed his eyes, his hand upward in the space between them - an offer in case Charles needed to take it.
Good. Edwin would get some rest. And Charles would be here to watch over him.
Crystal had a small stress ball sitting on her bedside table, which Charles picked up and started tossing back and forth between his hands. It would be easier to focus on making sure everything was fine if he wasn’t just laying still. Letting himself fall into actual rest would be too tempting.
Of course, it was only a few minutes before Edwin had something to say about that plan.
“You are not resting,” Edwin accused, rolling over to face Charles.
Charles kept his gaze stubbornly on the ceiling, rolling the little ball back and forth in his hands. “I told you, I’m just laying down with you.
"Well,” Edwin began, using that tilt to his voice that always got him a look from Crystal for being rude or arrogant. The one that made it clear Edwin knew he knew better than you did and was going to make it known. “I shan't get any rest until you do.”
" Well, ” Charles echoed, using as snobby a tone as he could muster, "That's just aces, innit? Looks like we're both gonna be lying here wide awake, then.”
Edwin let out a groan, sitting up. He snatched the toy out of Charles’ hands, tossing it onto the floor. Charles scoffed.
“Fuckin’ rude,” he mumbled, following suit and sitting up on the bed. “Look, mate, I don’t need to fucking- meditate or whatever it is we do, okay? I can get some rest just by. . . lying here, right? Relaxing.”
“Charles, that takes much longer and is less effective- you know that. Then you will have to do it again in only a few days.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Edwin let out a frustrated sounding noise, “Charles-”
“Edwin. Please.”
“If you would simply-”
“ I can’t! ”
Edwin stalled at his outburst, eyes blown wide as his mouth was still open around whatever words he’d intended to say next. Charles blinked rapidly, trying to look anywhere but at Edwin as the immediate guilt sank into his chest. His Adam’s apple felt heavy in his throat.
He hated raising his voice at Edwin. He hated the look that appeared on his face when he did - hated himself for putting it there.
“Look,” he started, the word coming out creaky, “I know we’ve talked about this. I know we agreed to try it and that- that it would be fine. But I just. . .”
He hung his head, staring directly down to the comforter below them. He could see Edwin’s pant leg in the corner of his vision.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He looked up again, forcing himself to meet Edwin’s gaze. "We fought a demon yesterday, mate. And I know that it wasn't even that bad, considering, but. . . Shit like that just gets me in my head, doesn't it? I just keep picturing what might've happened if I was too slow or not strong enough or if Crystal hadn't been to help you with the exorcism.”
“We had a handle on it,” Edwin said gently, quietly. Charles nodded, blinking back the stinging in his eyes.
“I know that. Logically, I do. But it’s like you said. That demon threw me against those iron chains and I couldn’t even get back up. I couldn’t get to you guys. If something had gone wrong before I recovered. . .”
Charles swung his legs over the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. He felt Edwin’s hand come to rest between his shoulder blades as he worked to calm his own useless breathing.
“I’m right here,” Edwin whispered.
Charles nodded against his own palms, grateful for the touch and reassurance.
Edwin was here. He was safe.
They both were.
Nothing was going to jump out of the corners of Crystal’s bedroom to get them. If nothing else, the psychic had taken it upon herself to research protective runes and poultices, which he knew she’d scattered around her room, Niko’s flat, and the office.
Edwin was safe. He was right here where Charles could reach out and grab him.
He did exactly that, lifting his head up to twist around just enough to pull Edwin closer, until the other boy was sitting next to him on the edge of the bed. He gripped Edwin’s hand in his own, tighter than was comfortable for either of them, but his partner did not begrudge him the touch.
“You’re safe,” he whispered, so quiet that he’d be sure Edwin hadn’t heard him if it weren’t for the way he leaned in just a little closer.
Edwin stayed quiet a few minutes, letting Charles get his bearings, before he spoke again.
“Let’s lie down. You need to rest.”
Charles shook his head, “No.”
“Charles-”
“Edwin. Not today, yeah?”
It was almost immediate, the way the frustration flooded back into Edwin’s body and he grew stiff where he was still leaning against Charles.
“Yes, today. Truly, Charles, it could be dangerous if you-”
“Look, we’ve both gone longer, yeah? All that shit in Port Townsend an’ we never rested.”
“And look at what happened!” Edwin exclaimed, removing himself from Charles entirely to stand. Charles clenched his jaw, crossing his arms over himself in semblance of a hug.
“I’m fine,” Charles bit out.
“You are not fine, Charles. You were feeling sluggish all week prior to this last case, and now you are reaching your limit. You are not fine.”
“I’d be better if you’d back the fuck down about this.”
“I understand your fears-”
“Obviously fucking not, or you wouldn’t be pushing this!”
Edwin let out a deep noise from his throat, almost like a growl. “Charles, please-”
“Edwin!” Charles exclaimed, loud and angry. “I said not today, all right? Please, will you just-”
“I will not stand by and- and watch as you run yourself into the ground and collapse into my arms again! I will not let you just fade out of existence!”
At Edwin’s loud outburst, whatever words Charles had planned next vanished from his throat. They stared at each other with wide eyes.
“You don’t know that’ll happen,” Charles argued back weakly, tucking his arms around his body tighter while Edwin began paced back and forth again.
It was all just stories. Tales of the first ghosts to ever exist, or of those so trapped in their desire to hold on to life - those who didn’t know they even needed to rest every once in a while, as they had when they were living. Ghosts who had been around for too long, grown so exhausted that they lost all ghostly abilities, lost their consciousness, lost. . . everything. Poltergeists and vengeful spirits, or those trapped in loops, they were different. They didn't need rest the way most ghosts did, though no one knew why. Until someone got them out of their own minds, it was like they had an unlimited amount of energy. But it didn't work that way for the rest of them. When ghosts got too exhausted. . . Their form eventually just faded away, taking their withered spirit with it. They didn’t move on to the afterlife, nor Hell, nor even Purgatory or Limbo. They simply ceased to exist.
Any ghost who knew anything knew of the stories - the warnings. They knew horror stories of those who could see ghosts, of witches, of whatever evil there was who had once run experiments on ghosts just to see how long they would last before fading. It was a terrifying fate.
Not one they’d ever had to think about before.
It felt like Edwin was staring right into his soul.
“I refuse to find out, Charles. I refuse.”
Charles lifted his gaze to look at Edwin. At the look he was met with, Charles almost looked away again. He had that stern furrow to his eyebrows and his jaw set tightly- Charles could deal with that look. He was used to seeing that look on Edwin’s face, whether directed at him or someone else. It was his eyes that had Charles stalling. He just looked so. . . devastated.
Like Charles was sitting here and just breaking his heart.
He made a noise in the back of his throat- a wounded, guilty sounding thing. It killed him - killed him- to know that he was putting that look on Edwin’s face. On everyone he’d ever known, he’d been used to negative looks directed his way.
Sadness and pain in his mother’s eyes.
Anger from the boys who had once been his friends and ended up killing him.
Disappointment from Crystal, however faint it always was.
Pity from Niko, just sometimes.
Complete and utter fucking hatred in his father’s eyes.
In all this time, he’d never been looked at like those things from Edwin. Confusion, sometimes. Caution other times. Frustration wasn’t uncommon.
But Edwin never looked at him the way others had; like he was an irremovable stain on the world. He’d never looked at Charles with such a pained, broken expression.
Charles had spent years and years growing used to the looks other people sent his way. He was a downright mess and everyone knew it. He made stupid choices and screwed up and let his anger get the better of him and had spent his life having any sort of true happiness being beaten out of him, right up until the day he died. Everyone looked at him the way they did because he wasn’t worth looking at any other way.
But it had always been different with Edwin. Charles wasn’t used to putting negative looks in Edwin’s eyes. Yet here he was, doing exactly that. Edwin looked like that because of him. Because of his stupid, fucked-up brain that couldn’t relax, couldn’t trust the feeling of safety, couldn’t trust himself.
“I’m sorry,” Charles choked out - the words creaky and gasping and coming out almost involuntarily. It was a knee-jerk reaction. As if his apologies had ever fixed anything.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated anyway, a sort of begging seeping into his tone. “I’m- I’m trying. God, Edwin, I swear- I swear I’m trying.”
It was almost an immediate switch, the way the devastation faded from Edwin’s gaze and was replaced by such a look of concern, of gentleness and love.
“Oh, Charles. . ." Edwin whispered, kneeling in front of the bed, right where Charles was sitting, as he took Charles’ hand in his own, pressing a light kiss to his knuckles.
“I know you are, darling.”
They’d been working on it for a while now. Trying to get Charles to begin to trust that they were safe. Trying to open up to each other more; Charles told Edwin about his family and the way he was raised, and Edwin told him more about Hell. These days, they knew each other better than they ever had, which was an impressive feat.
But it really was still hard for them.
It was proving to be a much slower process than either of them had likely anticipated, all this recovery they were doing. Crystal and Niko had been trying to ease them both into a conversation about therapy. Neither of them were comfortable with the idea of that, at least not yet, even after Crystal had come to them with a dead, ghost therapist she’d come across on the train.
Edwin was doing better with it all than Charles was, though. Even though he was the one who’d spent decades in Hell and had suffered torture from Esther, he’d always been the better adjusted of the two. Charles was trying, he really, really was. But he felt on edge all the fucking time. Even when everything was calm and happy, and he was smiling and joking around with Crystal or watching some stupid 90s comedy with Niko or reveling in the time he spent with the love of his afterlife, doing everything and nothing. Even then, something in the back of his mind was on constant alert.
He had started fucking flinching when someone came up to him too fast or when he hadn’t noticed them, something he hadn’t done since before being sent off to St. Hilarion’s. He’d been trying to rest, but the second he closed his eyes, his mind would start racing and he’d only last a few minutes before he needed to open his eyes again and see Edwin. Even when he knew for a fact where Edwin was because the other boy was sitting there, holding his hand. It was ridiculous, really, because Charles knew that Edwin would be able to protect himself if something happened, and that he’d be able to protect Charles as well. He’d seen, over time, the power that Edwin yielded and his ability to protect that which he cares about.
But it wasn’t Edwin’s job. It was Charles’. And he still needed to be conscious to do it. Edwin’s reassurances didn’t seem to make a dent.
They’d tried so many different methods of trying to get Charles to relax enough to rest.
Edwin staying next to him, touching him in some way.
Edwin setting up spells and things that would go off if anything was amiss.
Having the girls with them, too, with the promise that no one would go anywhere, so that Charles knew where everyone he loved was.
That last option had worked the best so far. Just last week he’d managed a full two hours of rest, his longest time yet since his body had forcibly shut down for twelve hours.
And then he’d come back to consciousness in a panic, yelling for Edwin.
But those two hours had been progress enough that Edwin had brought up the topic they hadn’t visited for sometime; the idea of taking their rest together once again, as they’d done for 30 years. Charles had insisted once again that he wasn’t ready for that, that it was too dangerous. Edwin had spent hours reassuring him that everything would be alright, and Charles had nearly- nearly- begun to believe him. But that itching feeling in his brain was telling Charles the opposite, and they’d argued back and forth until Edwin relented.
They hadn’t touched the idea for the last week or so.
And then a client had come to them with a demon possession, and Charles had gotten beaten with iron and Edwin had put all the energy he had into an exorcism and they were both fucking exhausted. So Charles, in an exhausted state of insanity, had agreed to at least try.
Look how well that was working out for them.
“I’m sorry,” Charles let out again, but Edwin just shook his head.
“No. I’m sorry. I know how hard you’ve been trying. It’s wrong of me to push you. I simply. . . When you collapsed and then slept for so long, I had feared that. . . I’ve never seen something like that happen before. And I had been the one too stupid to realize that you hadn’t actually rested in the first place.”
Charles shook his head sharply, “No, don’t - I did everything I could to make sure none of you noticed. I didn’t - I didn’t think I’d let it get that bad, and it didn’t matter anyway because you. . .”
He trailed off before he let loose some self-deprecating comment that was sure to make Edwin sad. He had been getting better at that, at least, the whole believing that he mattered to the people around him thing. It was hard to believe anything else when Edwin had begun making it a point to remind him daily.
“It mattered,” Edwin reassured. “To the girls and especially to me.”
Charles squeezed Edwin’s hands, “I know. I’m sorry.”
“There is no need for apologies.”
They let silence fall between them, both just sitting in the heavy air they’d created. Charles felt the need to apologize again, though he did not verbalize it.
He’d just made a mess of things. As always. Days like this, he couldn’t be sure how Edwin had put up with him so long. Edwin had only wanted to relax and rest together, as they’d done for decades. He’d only wanted to do something nice and normal, and Charles was just making a mess of it because his stupid dead brain couldn’t bother to calm down for more than a few minutes at a time.
“I do understand your fears. . .” Edwin began hesitantly, and Charles felt a spike of guilt deep in his chest. “You have been worried that some sort of technicality will arise again that may take me back to Hell or lead to Death pulling us apart. . . I fear that, too, Charles. It has always been what I fear, from the moment you chose to run from Death with me. As confident as I am that we are now safe from both. . . The fear of Hell does not simply vanish.”
Charles’ eyes stung, “Shit, mate, I-”
Edwin held up a hand to stop him from continuing. “More than anything, however, I fear for you, Charles. I never wanted you to experience what Hell was like, and I am so sorry that you ever had to. I’d have done anything to stop you from having to experience it.”
A jolt of fear ran through Charles as the memories of what he had seen came flooding back. His fingers twitched against Edwin’s, and a moment later, one of his partner’s palms was cradling his cheek, calming.
“Listen to me. I need you to understand why I am so insistent that you get some rest. Please,” Edwin whispered. Charles looked at Edwin, taking in the way his eyes were wide and filled to the brim with tears. He nodded for Edwin to continue.
“I fear as much as you do that we may still be taken away from each other. I had noticed that after Port Townsend, you had grown a bit touchier with me and that you were more inclined to stay close to my side than you used to be. I had assumed, as you know, that you were simply trying to make things as normal as possible and prove that my confession truly hadn’t changed anything. Then, I noticed that it seemed to be more than that, and that you seemed to be more on edge if we were not near one another, but. . . Well, until you had collapsed into my arms, I truly hadn’t understood why. I felt impossibly helpless, holding you like that. I truly thought that perhaps. . . I swear, for just a moment, your form had flickered out.”
Charles gave Edwin a wide-eyed look, his jaw dropping a fraction. “You didn’t - Edwin, fuck, you didn’t tell me that.”
Edwin closed his eyes for a moment, “I’ve convinced myself that it was simply my imagination, since it did not happen again. I screamed for Crystal’s help, and we got you on the sofa to rest. Even still. . . it absolutely terrified me - I thought that you were about to completely fade away, and there would have been nothing I could have done to stop it. I would not leave your side, at first. I scoured just about every book in our library, trying to find some explanation or spell that could save you in case you did begin fading. When I did go out to see if I could find a new book at Carissa’s - and of course you’d manage to wake up as soon as I’m not there - I forced the girls to stay behind, because I’d never have been able to live with myself should something have happened and you’d been left alone. I’ve been keeping such a close eye on you since, and I’ve seen the exhaustion you’ve been trying to hide. I vowed to myself I’d never let you do so again.”
“God, Edwin. . .” Charles brought his own hand up to cup Edwin’s cheek, wiping away with his thumb the tears he could feel matched on his own cheeks.
“Every time you fight me on getting proper rest, all I can see is the image of your form flickering in my arms. I know I have pushed too hard or been too harsh with you. I just. . . I want to help you - to protect you as you have done for me for so long. I need you safe, Charles.”
A quiet sob broke from Charles’ throat, and he lunged forward to wrap his arms around Edwin, pulling the other boy between his legs to hold him in as tight a hug as he could. Edwin’s grip back was just as fierce, his arms clasped around Charles’ waist as he tucked his face into the juncture between Charles’ neck and shoulder.
“I love you,” Charles gasped against Edwin’s hair, his tears free flowing and landing against the shoulder of Edwin’s shirt. “I’m sorry.”
He felt Edwin shift so his face was free from being pressed against Charles’ shirt collar, “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Charles shook his head, “No. It’s fine. I shouldn’t’ve. . . God, Edwin. I’m so sorry.”
It was easy to forget, sometimes, with how put together Edwin always was and how well he’d adjusted to all of it, that traumas of what they’d gone through, be it individually or together, could catch up to Edwin, too. It was easy to forget, even though Edwin made it so clear to him so often, that he mattered just as much to Edwin as Edwin did to him.
He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like in Edwin’s place, to see the boy he loved flicker away for a moment.
As fucking terrified as he’d been to watch Edwin be pulled back into Hell and away from him, as much as the images of Edwin dead in the Dollhouse still haunted his mind, he’d known he’d be able to get Edwin back. There would have been nothing on this plane or any other that would have been able to stop him from getting to Edwin, and even if they hadn’t been able to make it out of Hell, Charles knew he would have stayed down there with him.
No matter what force tried to pull them apart, Charles was always going to get him and Edwin back to each other.
But fading out, if it truly was possible. . . It was permanent. There was no coming back from that. No spell to cast, no deal to strike with the Lost & Found department, no nothing.
If Edwin was right, and he really had flickered. . . Not even Death herself would have been able to bring him back if it had gotten worse.
If places had been switched, and he’d have had to watch Edwin collapse, not sure if he’d regain consciousness, he’d be doing a lot more than Edwin had been to try and force him to get some rest.
God, it was no wonder Edwin had been so adamant about finding methods that worked for Charles to rest. It was the most dedicated to solving a problem Charles thought he’d ever seen from his partner, with the amount of trials they’d done and arguments they’d gotten into over it.
“I love you, Charles,” Edwin croaked out in little more than a whisper. “I just want you safe.”
Charles nodded, squeezing Edwin to him impossibly tighter for a moment before pulling back, leaving his hands resting on Edwin’s shoulders. Edwin’s eyes were rimmed red and his face a mess of tear streaks, and he was giving Charles that same look he gave him on the steps of Hell. Underneath a lace of fear, he looked at Charles like there was not a damn thing in the world that mattered more than he did - like Charles truly was as precious a thing as Edwin made him feel.
It should be impossible, how much he loved this boy.
“Let’s lie down,” Charles suggested quietly.
“What? Charles, no, you do not need to - That is, I should have listened to you. You said not today, and I should not have pushed. We can try again tomorrow, or-”
Charles smiled, letting out a wet laugh.
“No. You were right. I need to take care of myself. I’m fucking terrified, but. . . I’m not going to put you through anything like that again, I swear. I’ve just got to. . . Trust it, yeah? That you’re safe and I’m safe, and Crystal made this room as safe as she could.”
There was a joy glossing over in Edwin’s eyes that made Charles smile a bit more.
“And you. . . I want you to trust that I’m not ever gonna make you feel that scared again. Even if I - Shit, mate, this is gonna be hard. But I want to try.”
Edwin leaned forward, kissing Charles gently. He let out a hum as Edwin pulled away, already missing the sensation of Edwin’s lips against his.
“Thank you.”
Charles grimaced a little, “Don’t thank me yet. This might go to shit the second we lie back down.”
Edwin let out a little laugh, standing up from where he was still kneeling on the floor. Charles shifted, making enough room for Edwin to lie down next to him without having to move back around to the other side of the bed.
Charles felt a little shaky as he rested back against the pillows, even as he could feel Edwin’s arm pressed against his. Edwin intertwined their fingers, and Charles forced himself to close his eyes.
This was just fucking awful.
He actually hated this.
He could feel Edwin’s hand in his, could feel the other boy’s eyes on him, and yet every instinct in his body told him to sit back up so he could check that Edwin was still there.
It’s fine.
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.
Edwin was here.
Crystal’s room was safe.
Nothing was going to happen.
God, he really fucking was tired. His body had started feeling heavy for days, and it was so much worse after that wrapping up that exorcism yesterday.
It’s fine.
Charles would just. . . get some rest, and when he came back to consciousness, everything would be the exact same. Edwin would be next to him, Crystal’s furry purple blanket would still be thrown over the chair in her room, and the stress ball Edwin had stolen from him would still be resting against the closet door where it had landed. Edwin would still be here, and so would Charles, and they’d be fine.
Fuck.
“Are you alright?” Edwin’s voice broke through his panic softly. Charles opened his eyes again, turning his head to look at Edwin.
“Can you just-" Charles hesitated, frowning. “I need- Can you-"
Edwin was giving him that concerned look again, with all that love and care in his eyes.
“Ah, bloody hell," Charles mumbled, reaching out to Edwin. “Come here."
He pulled Edwin to him, scooching further down on the bed so he was fully horizontal. He was grateful that Edwin did nothing to resist Charles' movement, only giving out a light laugh as he realized what Charles was trying to do and settling himself in the younger’s embrace. Charles moved his legs so Edwin had plenty of space to rest between them, then gave a light push to Edwin's shoulders to get the boy to fully lay down, resting his ghostly weight on Charles' chest. Edwin hummed, placing his head on Charles' collarbone, his forehead just touching the underside of Charles' jaw while his hand came up to stroke the opposite side with his thumb.
By nature, ghosts weighed nothing. Yet Charles could still feel the pressure of Edwin on top of him, could feel practically in his soul every single point of contact they had right now. He wrapped his arms tightly around Edwin's back, holding him to him. It should scare him, he thought, how much the idea of never moving from this spot, never once letting Edwin away from the embrace, appealed to him.
“Better?” Edwin asked.
“Fuckin’ brills,” Charles mumbled back, feeling his body start to actually relax a little for the first time all day.
Edwin lifted his head so he could look at Charles. Everything felt right in the world, he thought, when he and Edwin were looking at each other.
Edwin leaned in as best he could from the angle he was at to kiss him again, soft and quick.
“Close your eyes,” Edwin commanded in a breathless whisper. Charles was helpless to do anything but obey. “I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Charles let a stream of air out from deep within his non-functioning lungs, tightening his grip on Edwin’s shirt.
This was just. . . fine.
Actually fine.
He didn’t hate this.
Not when he could feel Edwin pressed against him so entirely and his hand was brushing soothingly over Charles’ cheek.
They were both right here.
Crystal’s room was safe.
Edwin wasn’t going anywhere.
It was fine. Everything was fine.
Everything would still be fine after he gave into the nudging feeling in the back of his head that was pulling him closer and closer to that relaxed state while Edwin continued to caress his skin and whisper a reassurance every minute or so.
They were both doing just fine.
It might take him a while to properly fall into a resting state, but that was fine, too. Progress was goddamn progress. And he and Edwin would be here to take care of each other, whatever they needed.
That, if nothing else, he could trust entirely.