Chapter Text
She walks slowly towards the terrace, finally a day of rest in her busy schedule appeared before her eyes. Her body remains anchored to her warm home, but her thoughts continue to navigate that stormy ocean of emotions.
—What do you want from me?
That phrase was eating away at her soul.
It all started from the day of that casting, one that she had previously failed, and that in her mind, she had already forgotten. Because to be honest with herself, for her all that acting was something experimental and secondary in her life. A respite from studies and the heavy burden that would be placed on her shoulders in the coming years. But from the moment Phi Nay had called her, and convinced her to do the casting for the second time, she never imagined the change that her life would have.
It was crossing those doors, with her hair somewhat disheveled by the wind, with clothes that she had barely managed to choose at random, because of how late she was, and a feeling of asphyxia after the brief race from the elevator to studio seven, when everything was left behind.
Before her eyes was the famous Sirilak Kwong, the same woman who years ago shared acting classes with her. The same one who had remained silent and observant of her surroundings while everyone struggled to fit into that entertainment company. The one she heard comments about from her close classmates over the years, and the occasional gossip in the hallway about how enigmatic she was. And today she was one of the most beautiful and well-known faces of channel three. Her voice choked and she didn't know if it was because of the nerves that suddenly overwhelmed her, or because of the speed with which she arrived at the place.
—Well, I'm glad you arrived on time Nong Orm. I imagine you know each other, so she, Nong LingLing will be who you do the casting with.
Phi Nay's explanation was somewhat rushed, without introductions or any formality. Orm knew from comments from her mother, that they had had difficulties in choosing who would play the character of Nong Earn Sanithada, that the production of the series Jai Son Rak was quite delayed, because of that.
Orm smiles broadly and gives a warm greeting to Phi Ling.
—It's been a while —she tries to break the ice that has suddenly formed in that place.
LingLing returns the kind smile and she feels her gaze run over her from head to toe, not in an uncomfortable way, but rather in a surprised way.
—You've grown Nong Orm, since the last time I saw you, you've become a whole woman.
Both smile and the director's voice takes them out of concentration.
From that moment, her world turned upside down.
Lingling's audacity in going off the studied script, the surprise kiss that knocked her down. Her legs failing and her nerves leading her to an uncontrollable debacle of emotions. The tears that emerged from her uncontrollably. Nothing prepared her for that situation, and she is fully convinced that since that day it was her undoing.
—Are you okay dear?
Her mother's soft voice brings her back to the present.
Orm turns and nods without making eye contact with Koy Narumon.
—You look upset, a few days ago everything was happiness and joy in you and today—she is silent briefly without taking her eyes off her daughter —Today it seems like you have a dark cloud over your head.
—It's just tiredness Mae. We haven't stopped in months and it's weighing on me.
—That or some argument with Nong Ling that I don't know about.
Orm smiles wryly and turns again to stare at the sunset.
—This event is important dear— a hand rests on her shoulder and she feels her mother's closeness —It is a recognized brand and whatever happens, they have to solve it.
She holds back the tears that begin to form in her eyes and clenches her jaw to avoid faltering before her mother.
Koy finally gives up on her daughter's silence and after telling her that she will be there to listen to her, she disappears down the hall.
**
She has a hurried pace in the crowded airport, and her face maintains an unusual seriousness.
Multiple flashes go off in her direction, but Orm ignores them completely.
She barely makes the occasional greeting gesture to some fans, and goes straight to the immigration control area.
She sees the group gathered in the distance, makeup artists and stylists, the manager of Lingling Kwong, the one sent by Khun Dew, her boss, to carry out any arrangements in the organization of the filming, and of course her. Her headache at this moment.
LingLing gives her a faint smile, but Orm chooses to look away at the passport she is holding in her hand.
Her greeting is brief and she notices instantly how the group falls silent.
She doesn't wait for them, she goes straight to the line to verify her documentation.
Everything happens quickly and when her mind registers, she is already walking at a hurried pace down the hall, towards the plane.
Mae Koy is by her side, trying to keep up with her pace and sending her glances from time to time.
Orm doesn't say a word.
In the plane's cabin she settles in and puts on her headphones, she has avoided engaging in conversation with anyone in the group and even refused to eat.
In minutes she surrenders to sleep and the exhaustion she carries in her body.
She wakes up when they have already reached their destination.
At the airport in Vietnam, she does the same, she walks far away from the group and her face remains stoic.
At the exit the team from that well-known shampoo brand awaits them.
They make introductions and the person in charge of serving as their guide sends them both a warm smile.
Orm makes her best effort and shows a measured cordiality.
She feels the gaze on her, coming from her co-worker, the one with whom she had a terrible argument days ago.
One that only both of them keep to themselves.
One that left her wandering in her head, that torturous question —What do you want from me?
Her mind wanders while they are in the vehicle, straight to the recording set, and they return to the day after those awards.
Awards for the recognition of the most outstanding figures in Thai entertainment, and one that she believed, was the best night of her life.
She took care to look beautiful, despite the fact that the dress chosen by her team was not to her liking, but even so, she agreed to wear it without any problem.
She did her best to make her perfect partner, LingLing, feel comfortable. She filled her with affection, love and even protection. She managed to chat all night long about any topic that came to her mind, since she was aware of the discomfort that Ling felt at those events, surrounded by people and cameras constantly.
But when she noticed a person behind her, the tension in her began to seep through.
That familiar name in the industry who had been caught abroad, next to her beloved LingLing Kwong.
At that point, Orm was not sure if a relationship really existed between them or not.
After the scandal and the pressure from the executives, she herself had felt the cleansing effects of that mistake.
That kiss that LingLing gave her on a morning show on the air for the whole country.
She will never forget the nerves that took over her. The years of acting classes were not enough to hide that feeling of terror. Not because they gave her a kiss, it was the fact that they were not acting, it was not an interpretation of any character, and on top of that it was a woman.
Not that she had any problems with that, but she was aware that Thailand was barely having openness, as far as the issue of love between women was concerned.
Win Metawin was watching in the direction of LingLing and Orm barely made an unwilling bow towards him.
From that moment the tension did not leave her.
When leaving those awards, and saying goodbye to Ling, she got into the car with a whirlwind of emotions surfacing.
—Follow Phi Ling Mae— they left the parking lot and Koy sent an skeptical look to her daughter.
—I just want to check something.
—That's not happening.
—Mom please, just a little bit, okay?
—Since when are we detectives Orm.
—Mae—she put her hand on her mother's arm and gave her a pleading look.
Koy let out a huff after long seconds and without replying, ventured to follow her colleague's car.
—Just a few blocks and nothing else Orm. This is not right at all.
The streets turned into highways, with her mother's continuous protest. When they realized it, the distance had become long, they were arriving at the apartment complex where LingLing lived.
She stopped the car several meters away, trying not to be noticed, Lingling's car was parked on the side of the street, but there was another car very similar to hers, parked a few meters ahead.
Orm let out a kind of sarcastic laugh and closed her fist tightly.
—Let's go.
Her mother alternated her gaze between Ling's car and Orm.
—I don't understand what this is Orm. You made me follow her to check what?
Fortunately, her mother was unaware of the matter. Perhaps because she was not involved in social media, nor was she up to date with the things that fans were commenting about their lives.
Many of them, false and invented from their fantasies, but on rare occasions, were quite accurate.
//
— Nong Orm we have arrived.
The hostess shook his shoulder gently and his mind returned to reality.
— I'm sorry, I think I got distracted — he smiled faintly and followed her out of that van.
Upon getting off, she noticed Lingling's gaze on her again, and once again, she avoided it with all her might.
— We'll start recording here — she showed a busy street and then we'll go to another place. Tomorrow we will travel east, towards the dunes and end up at the beach. It will be fun, I can't wait.
Orm nodded with a slight smile to the woman who was guiding them, and clung to her bag.
She felt the overwhelming presence of her partner behind her.
Between changes of clothes and makeup, about two hours passed. Finally they were standing in the middle of that busy street, with the photography team next to them.
— A little closer — one of the photographers demanded.
LingLing passed her hand over her waist, and dragged her closer to her personal space.
However, she also noticed the rigidity that Orm emanated.
— A smile — a clip sounded — Miss Orm look towards Miss Ling please.
Orm made her best effort to maintain the shell while her eyes were fixed on those of her current torment.
There was something that she could not decipher and when she felt that the clips stopped, she looked away.
— Is everything alright between them?
She heard her hairdresser whisper, perhaps talking to the stylist.
She breathed in air and tried to concentrate on what the photographers hired for that job were doing.
— Well, now we are going to another place, you are going to love it. Then we can eat, I'm sure you are hungry.
— I am, and I think the rest too — Ling commented softly.
Orm decided to remain oblivious to the conversation that had just started.
Once again she occupied the furthest seat in the van and put on her headphones.
Her mind took her back to the bitter event.
//
The day after that event, Orm arrived at the channel in a terrible mood.
Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and her greatest fear was that everything they had worked for for months would evaporate due to another mistake by Phi Ling.
— We have to talk.
The words surprised LingLing, who was in the makeup room and her eyes for a moment remained on those of Orm.
— Give us a moment.
Silence fell in the area and everyone nodded.
Orm heard the click of the door, when the last person who left closed it.
— What happens? Is everything okay Nong Orm?
Lingling's sweet voice had no calming effect on Orm on this occasion.
— Are you still dating Khun Win?
The unexpected question immediately tensed the receiver.
— Why do you ask?
The cold response, pierced her soul.
— Because I don't want to see everything destroyed by what we have worked hard on in recent months.
Ling watched her for what seemed to her minutes, and finally got up and walked until she reached her side.
— I thought we had made that matter clear Nong Orm. Our private lives are separate from all this.
— Not when your private life leads me to expose myself on national television Phi Ling.
Something that Orm could not read clearly, settled on Lingling Kwong's stoic face.
— That was an accident, and I think it's already in the past.
— What was an accident? Freely walking the streets of Seoul with him or kissing me on national television?
A trace of anger emerges in Ling's eyes.
— What is all this about Nong Orm?
Orm takes one more step and practically her face is an inch away from Lingling's.
— I have endured your mood swings, even the fact that some fans have even noticed the discomfort you have had by my side on some occasions, but I will not tolerate continuing to be your toy Phi Sirilak Kwong.
For the first time a flash of fear crosses the dark eyes of her co-star and she sees how she swallows silently.
— Have you confused our relationship Nong Kornnaphat.
A low blow is what Orm feels when those words are finally released.
And her anger momentarily subsides.
— That's it, you have really confused everything and this is a vestige of your jealousy.
Ling continues to launch what for Orm are unfounded accusations.
— Why don't you answer me?
Like a cornered animal, that's how she feels at that moment.
— What do you want from me?
A question loaded with ulterior motives. But Orm does not answer what Ling wants to know.
— If you see yourself with him and that comes to light, you will be alone, I will leave the ship, I will leave the next project and everything that involves without even looking back. I will not care about anything at all Sirilak Kwong if that happens.
The rage in her eyes would make anyone in front of her tremble at that moment, but for LingLing it was a shock against her chest.
An invisible electric shock that ran through her skin from head to toe. A clear warning that if she made a mistake, this time it would be the end.
Orm turned around and started walking towards the door, but before opening it and without looking at her, she released the last bullet against her.
— If you don't appreciate my company, at least pretend from now on in front of the cameras. And tell your boyfriend that if he loves you a little bit, don't destroy your career. I tell you that more out of appreciation than out of warning.
The slam was the seal of that sentence.
\
— Orm — Mae Koy shook her shoulder and approached almost to her face — What is happening to you?
Orm took off her headphones and looked around. They had already arrived at the other filming location.
She got out of the van without answering her mother's question, and refocused.
She was present but at the same time absent. She looked in the directions they asked her to, smiled, let her partner lean on her, until they had to hold hands.
Her discomfort was greater when she felt the humidity in Lingling's hand.
Perhaps due to the heat of that place, or due to the fear that the gesture would bother her.
The anger that still roared inside her chest, made her discreetly wipe her hand when releasing it.
Ling looked barely out of the corner of her eye, but did not comment on anything about it.
Orm moved away a bit from the group, tried to make a shot at that pool table, but failed in a shameful way.
She watched her partner make a perfect shot, and position herself as if she were an expert on the matter.
She left that cue on another table and her eyes were fixed on the target placed on the back wall.
She took a dart and without thinking much she threw it with force. She nailed the dart right in the center.
— Wow... You're good — a subdued voice commented a few steps behind her.
A dry sound made her look away. A badly embedded dart in the low wall, almost made her smile. But the grace provoked by the thrower's inexperience, was erased instantly when she noticed that it was Ling.
She turned on her feet and moved away as fast as she could from there.
— It's time for the last interview and then we will take you to rest and eat something.
Some cheers sounded in the background and Orm was grateful that the day would finally end.
Both sat with a noticeable margin of distance. There was a silent exchange of glances in her support team, but no one dared to say a word.
The interview went smoothly, LingLing taking the lead and Orm briefly answering some questions.
At the end, Orm said goodbye to the reporter and advanced quickly to leave the place, but a firm hand grabbed her wrist.
— Nong Orm we must talk.
Her eyes turned in annoyance and she discreetly released herself from the grip.
— Not today and not here.
She walked faster without looking back.
— What do you want from me?
The question echoed in her mind again.
Her heart hammering incessantly was giving her the answer to that question.
— I want you Sirilak Kwong. Only you.
She erased that stray tear as soon as it tried to escape and got into the van.