Chapter Text
Thirty minutes ago I could have killed somebody.
Or better yet, myself.
Exhale.
Her stiff shoulders soften as the hot water hits her back, giving her a moment of solace before what would surely be a very hectic day ahead.
Her long hair - a dark brown color, but in certain lighting it almost looked black - feels heavier as the weight of the water soaks into it, but it felt nice. Her gray eyes shut and she leans her head back into the water, kind of dreading the day ahead, despite the fact that it was supposed to be a cheerful occasion. Spending Christmas with her baby-daddy's family wasn't exactly how she'd pictured this day going. However, due to extreme weather, her flight home to visit her family had gotten canceled. As her baby-daddy was actually one of her best friends and not just some guy that had knocked her up, he invited her to spend the day with him and his family.
She knew his heart was in the right place, but she was afraid that all of this would come off as a bit weird. They'd dated for a really short time, she'd gotten pregnant, they'd agreed to just be friends and try to get along as best they could for the baby's sake - and they did; they got along really well, actually. However, was it well enough for her to be coming to his family's Christmas? That would make it look like they were together, which they certainly weren't.
She supposed it would be in her best interest to meet her baby's grandparents and other relatives that she'd likely be hearing about in the future. Her baby-daddy had said that his family wasn't a judgmental one; that they'd welcome her with open arms and treat her fairly. His family already knew the situation with her being pregnant and her and her baby-daddy not being a couple, and they knew that she was coming over for Christmas. Maybe she didn't have that much to worry about, seeing as for the most part, his relatives knew what to expect. Apparently things had been rough between him and his family in the past, but the idea of a baby coming into the picture soon actually had brought them all closer together, so maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
She feels a thump in her stomach and smiles as she reaches for the shampoo. At seven and a half months pregnant, the baby had been kicking almost non-stop. The baby's father had yet to witness this, as he'd been away for some time now and was just returning home, but she'd messaged him the moment it happened for the first time. Sometimes you could even see the baby moving around, and she made sure to send him plenty of videos of this while he was on the road. It made her happy to think about having a healthy, happy baby that was moving and kicking around in there, even if it got a little bit distracting at times.
After washing and conditioning her hair, she grabbed her razor and shaved under arms - shaving her legs was no longer an option given that her baby-belly had grown too large in size for her to bend down far enough to reach her legs. Maybe she could convince baby-daddy to do it; she'd gotten him to paint her toenails the week before, so maybe she could convince him to help her shave her legs. Or maybe she could just get them waxed like a normal person. Then again, it was winter, so shaving her legs wasn't exactly a necessity at the moment, which was why she didn't even bother trying today. Not that she cared about patriarchal beauty standards that women “should” uphold; it was just her preference. But she supposed it didn’t really matter anyway.
The baby kicks again. She smiles, unable to help herself. Despite this not being the exact circumstance she pictured herself having her first child in, she was happy. She and the baby's father may not be together, but they were still great friends and would be able to raise the baby well together. Despite the circumstances, they were both positive that the baby's life would be filled with more than enough love and that the baby would have a good and happy life.
She puts her hand on her rounded stomach and smiles as she feels a thump against the palm of her hand. The ultrasound months ago had said that the baby was going to be a girl, but sometimes ultrasounds could be wrong, so she and her baby-daddy were preparing for anything. No matter what he sex of the baby would end up being, they would love it either way.
Realizing that she'd zoned out and had probably spent more time in the shower than needed, she went to reach for the body soap to finish washing up. This, of course, was when her clumsiness decided to come into play. There was honestly never any hope for her to have a graceful child, as she and the child's father were both as clumsy as could be.
However, this time, it was no laughing matter.
One slip, a bang. Suddenly, she's laying on the floor with a pounding head and blood pooling from between her legs.
"H...Help!" She exclaims, "Someone! Help!"
x
Driving wasn't exactly the best idea on a good day, but when there was a ton of snow falling as well, it was pretty much a recipe for disaster. Then again, this entire day was likely to be a recipe for disaster. Bringing the mother of his child that he wasn't married to or even in a relationship with to a family event may not have been the best idea.
He'd felt bad, not wanting her to be alone on Christmas. It wasn't that he pitied her, but she was a good friend of his and he felt bad about the idea of her being alone on a day like this. Plus, he figured his relatives should get to know her anyway given the circumstances they were in.
Finding out she was pregnant was single-handedly the most terrifying day of his entire life. He was and still really isn't in the best position to be a father, but was more than willing to support the mother of his child in whatever it was that she wanted to do. It just so happened that what she wanted to do was keep the baby.
It was scary at first, but pretty soon all that was happening became...well, real to him. She'd started showing - by this point she was at the stage where it looked like she had a basketball under her shirt; she wasn't huge and her stomach definitely still had more growing to do in the next month and a half, but she still looked as beautiful as ever. Then the ultrasounds started happening where he got to see his baby growing, and that just made everything even more real.
Then the two of them got the news that they were having a girl, which got them thinking of names and imagining what their daughter would look like. It was likely she'd have her mother's dark hair, and she'd almost definitely have light-colored eyes. She'd definitely be pale and probably have a lot of freckles. She'd be beautiful. So far, Sophia was their top name.
As he drove to his baby-mama's house, he hoped that that would be the thing that his family would focus on today - the beautiful idea of the new baby, and not the fact that said baby was the product of having a little too much fun with a girl he barely knew at the time that he dated for only a short frame of time after that - despite his true feelings for her. From what his family knew about the situation, they were at the very least proud of him for stepping up and doing what was right in the situation.
But why wouldn't he? Sure, he'd made some mistakes in the past, but his family had made it out like he'd become this horrible person and that stepping up to the plate to help his friend was something totally unexpected. Not only that, but they also seemed surprised that he wasn't just doing it out of obligation, but that he also actually wanted to do it. He was actually excited . He was never sure if he'd be able to have kids with his line of work, but had always thought about having them to some degree and now that it was actually happening, he was looking forward to raising his daughter and watching her grow up.
This is my life's work
Eleven tracks is not enough
To tell you how I've died inside
And love is lost like words
Eleven tracks is not enough...
The music blared through his speakers as he drove to her house. It wasn't his favorite band, but hers. It wasn't bad music, but Muse would always have his heart. She'd always liked heavier music, which was sort of what led them to meeting each other. He liked a lot of the bands that she liked too though and she'd certainly turned him on to a lot of good music. That's part of the reason why they got along so well...
He really hoped that that could continue.
For now though, he just hoped that his family wouldn't try and insist the two of them end up together. He was a flaming bisexual, which everyone knew, though he tended to lead more towards men. His family was content with this, but of course on the rare occasion that he ended up with a woman, he ended up knocking her up, so they were constantly riding him to be more than friends with her. He was fine with them not understanding, willing to deal with it; he just hoped that they wouldn't end up bringing his daughter into it once she was born. He didn't want her growing up with a fantasy that would never be, despite how great it might be if the two of them could end up together.
Finally, relieved that he hadn't crashed the car in the snow, he arrived at her house. It was a small house, and she didn't technically own it; she was renting it for the time being. A while back, when they'd first found out she was pregnant, he'd been half-tempted to ask her to move in with him so that they could be in the same place as they raised the baby together, and also so that she could have the security of having a place to live where the money was taken care of. However, them moving in together would only cause more questions as to why they weren't together, and both of them had seen enough episodes of "Friends" to know that that was a bad idea.
He stepped out of the car and shivered, but also smiled to himself as he loved the snow; he always had. The first snow of the year always had him feeling like a little kid again. He loved sitting on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa or coffee and watching the snow fall. There was something very peaceful about it...
He approached the house, raised a tattooed hand and knocked. He stood out there a moment, but there was no answer. He knocked again, and again there was no answer. She knew that he was coming, why wasn't she answering?
"Hun, I'm here!" He called, "Carrie!"
He knocked again and pressed his ear to the door, trying to hear if there was anyone inside. Her car was in the driveway, so she was definitely here. Why wasn't she answering?
A muffled scream.
"Carrie?!"
More muffled yelling.
He grabs the door knob, but it won't move. He scrambles to get down and reaches under the doormat, searching for the spare key in the snow. Once he finds it, he stands and with a shaking hand, manages to get the key in the doorknob with some difficulty before unlocking the door and barging inside.
"Care!"
"I'm in here! Help me, please!"
He ran inside, and what he saw horrified him.
She'd managed to shut the shower off with her foot and reach her bathrobe that she'd hung up nearby. However, she'd been unable to get up, and there was still blood pooling between her legs. Tears streamed down her face and she looked terrified.
"I'm bleeding! The baby! I fell! W-What do we - "
"Come on, I'll take you to A&E, let me help you up."
"My arm, the baby - "
"It's gonna be okay, c'mere," He says, wrapping his arms around her.
x
"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP US! PLEASE!" He screamed, practically carrying her into the hospital, both of them now covered in blood.
He'd almost legitimately crashed the car six times on the way to the hospital, nearly killing the two of them all six times. However, at this rate, death seemed like a much better option than what was going on right now
A nurse rushes over to them, "What happened?!"
"I fell, I'm bleeding, my baby - please, my baby! I - "
"It's okay, you'll be okay. Can I get some help over here?!"
A handful of other medics run over and load her onto a gurney. They rapidly push her off as she just continues to scream and scream and scream...
He runs after them, and he tries to go with them into the room, but they tell him he can't.
So he waits.
He stands outside the room, covered in her blood. His family was probably wondering by now where the two of them were, but he didn't care at this rate. He just paced back and forth in front of the room, ignoring the horrified looks he was getting from passersby when they saw he was covered in blood and the looks of sympathy from doctors and nurses that walked by, likely having seen things similar to this before.
Some Christmas this had turned out to be.
For a while, things had gone silent. After a while though, he heard more screaming and crying coming from inside the room, but clearly two voices instead of one...would everything be okay after all? Yet there was clearly muffled panic from the nurses and doctor that were in the room too, so he knew it would be wise to not get his hopes up.
So he backed himself against a wall, slid down to the floor, and released the sobs that he'd been holding in, ignoring his phone vibrating in his pocket, not knowing what to do. He almost began to wish that he'd crashed the car after all, so that he could have slipped into oblivion by now.
No pain, no suffering.
Just oblivion.
If only…
Song for this chapter: X-Mas in Hell by Sixx a.m.