Chapter Text
Shauna never dropped the knife.
Melissa didn't seem to mind, though, as Shauna kissed her roughly. The torrent of emotions Shauna had felt for all these months seemed to calm. The screaming inside of her brain was drowned out by the touch of another human being.
Melissa brought her hands tentatively to Shauna’s waist. It was light at first, testing to see what Shauna allowed. As she squeezed Shauna’s hips and pulled her closer, Melissa moaned. Shauna wanted more. Needed more.
It had been so long since she had any form of human contact. Tai had been her closest friend out here, but Tai spent her time with Van mostly. And without Jackie- oh Jackie . How Shauna missed the thoughtless touches. The touches that reminded her she was real. A real person- not just a footnote in someone else’s story. Regardless of what they said in anger, Shauna was a real person to Jackie, and Jackie was everything to her.
Now, she was reminded she was a person with needs. The hands groping her slid under her shirt hesitantly, stopping every few centimeters. It was as if Melissa didn’t want to move too fast, lest she spook her. As if Shauna wasn't the one holding a knife to her throat.
Shauna allowed it. She wanted more, though. She slowly dropped her hand gripping the knife until she broke the kiss and tucked the knife into her back pocket. She took in the sight of Melissa- face flushed and hair disheveled from being pressed against the tree. Shauna wondered if Jackie would have looked that way, if Jackie would have even allowed her to press Jackie up against the tree in the first place.
Melissa didn’t seem to mind, though. In fact, she looked hungry for more. Shauna saw the gears in her head turning.
“Shauna, I-” Melissa started, but was cut off by a hand over her mouth.
She wasn’t gentle. She didn’t want to be. Maybe in a time before when she was a different girl. Maybe if a different girl was before her. But this was neither- and they were neither.
Something about Melissa didn't spark tenderness in her; it ignited a desire of sorts. One unfamiliar but not unwelcome.
“Tell me no and I will stop, ok?” Shauna said, searching the other girl’s eyes. Melissa hesitated, then nodded.
Shauna’s hand moved from Melissa’s mouth to her stomach, sliding upwards. Melissa’s hands moved down her hips and dug in as Shauna cupped her clothed breast roughly. Shauna didn't know much about girls, but had fantasized enough to know what got her going. It was odd, though, when she envisioned Jackie in her fantasies, she was never this rough.
Melissa’s breath came harder, encouraging her. Shauna closed the gap between their lips, pushing her tongue inside without warning. Melissa moaned, and Shauna massaged her breast with one hand, pinching at the nipple over her bra. Hands squeezed Shauna’s ass and she gasped in surprise.
Shauna wanted her. She wanted a warm body underneath her. She wanted to see what Melissa would allow her to do. Would Melissa let Shauna strip her out here in the woods where any of the other girls could see them? Would she let Shauna press her hard into the bark, scraping her back as Shauna took her? Where would she let Shauna touch, let her fingers roam? Did Shauna even care what Melissa wanted?
The distant sounds of the girls in the camp only made it better for her. If anyone did see them, Shauna wouldn't care. Let them. Let them see how Melissa craved and accepted the touch of a monster. That’s how they all saw her anyways, right? A monster.
Shauna pushed her harder against the tree, sliding a leg between the other girls’. Somewhere between a gasp and a groan was swallowed by Shauna. The sound fueled the fire inside of her. It was intoxicating, having someone want her. Want her touch.
Shauna kissed down her neck, relishing the hitch in the other girl’s breath. She wasn’t gentle, scraping her teeth against a pulse point. She broke away far enough to tug Melissa’s shirt up. Melissa’s arms came up to help get the fabric off, then she unclasped her own bra without prompting.
Shauna was on her in an instant, loving the way warm skin felt against her. It was softer than she thought it would be. For some reason, she was tempted to change that- to turn the girl around and scrape her chest against the bark, to have the girl cry out and beg for more. To have her take whatever Shauna would give. The thought might have scared her once, but she was growing accustomed to the darkness in her.
She settled for pinching a nipple between her finger and thumb and kissing down the other breast. Her lips wrapped around the nipple and she sucked, drawing a gasp from the other girl.
“Shauna…” Melissa moaned.
A tongue drew circles over the nipple before sucking again, harsher this time. The sounds Melissa made sent heat racing through her. Her hand crept lower until it reached the waistband of Melissa’s pants.
Shauna paused there, keeping up her assault on her breasts. Melissa’s hand covered her own and moved their hands below the fabric. Shauna pulled her head back, locking eyes. There was no hesitation there, only a burning need. It must have been reflected in her own eyes, too. Pupils blown, cheeks flushed, chests heaving.
Shauna’s hand slid across bare skin to the curls right above where she wanted.
“Shauna, I-” Melissa started, and for a devastating moment Shauna thought she would tell her to stop. “I’ve never done this.”
Shauna breathed out a sigh of relief. “Me neither. Not with a girl, anyway.”
“I’ve never been with anyone- man or woman.” When their eyes met, Shauna saw a tinge of fear. Then she understood- Melissa didn’t want it to hurt, as most first times do. Did that apply to being with a woman, too? Fingers are smaller, but perhaps the hymen tearing would hurt either way.
Shauna didn't want to stop. If anything, the idea of stopping caused anger to boil up inside her chest. Nobody should be able to take this away from her. Hadn’t she lost enough? Doesn’t she deserve this…outlet for her stress? She knew what she had to say. It was what Jeff had told her during her first time.
“I’ll be gentle,” Shauna promised, though she wasn’t sure she would keep it. It seemed to appease Melissa, who nodded and leaned in for a chaste kiss- a thank you.
Shauna wasn’t sure she liked it- the gentleness. She needed something but wasn’t sure what. What was missing? Or maybe what was there that shouldn’t be? Melissa’s eyes on her was unnerving. Ah, that was it.
“Turn around,” Shauna ordered, not unkindly.
Melissa obeyed and yelped in surprise when Shauna’s hands grabbed her own and planted them on the tree above her head, palms splayed attempting to find purchase. The fabric of Shauna’s shirt didn’t allow full contact, but it didn’t bother her. Maybe some separation would be good. Her hands ran down Melissa’s bare stomach, tracing the lines of her abdomen. Shauna nipped at her shoulder, scraping her teeth across skin and soothing it with her tongue.
Shauna’s hand trailed down past Melissa’s waistband to where she wanted it most, and cupped her bare sex, feeling how ready Melissa was. Moans escaped them both, Melissa in pleasure and Shauna in anticipation.
Shauna didn’t have experience pleasing a woman, but the reach around angle was similar to how it felt to touch herself. She figured she would just start with what she liked. She swiped two fingers from Melissa’s entrance to her clit and back, pulling wetness with it.
Melissa’s head fell back to rest on her collarbone. Shauna pressed harder, earning a louder moan. Shauna was painfully aware of the girls in the camp. A part of her liked the idea of them knowing what was happening out here in the woods, but the logical side of her brain won out.
“Quiet,” Shauna hissed, and clamped her free hand over Melissa’s mouth.
Melissa let out a whine, then a moan when Shauna put 2 fingers inside. They slid in easily with the wetness, and Shauna was a bit disappointed to find her hymen was already broken. A sick part of her wanted to cause some discomfort.
Their bodies were flush, a naked back against a clothed front. Shauna leaned against her, letting her weight push against the other girl, hoping the bark was digging into Melissa’s palms. She still had a hand clamped over her mouth, and Shauna thought it best to keep it there for now.
She dragged her fingers almost all of the way out of the girl and thrust back in, curling her fingers the way she liked it when Shauna fucked herself. Then she did it again, loving the muffled sounds she earned. She set a deliberate pace, not exactly slow, but she focused on pressure rather than speed. She thrust in deep and imagined how it would feel to get Melissa pregnant.
When she had sex with Jeff, she loved when he whimpered as he got close and thrust as deep as he could before cumming. She imagined she was doing the same thing to Melissa.
Shauna’s fingers sped up. Muffled moans grew louder. Shauna ground her palm against Melissa’s clit every time she bottomed out. She wanted more.
“Stay quiet, ok?” she whispered in Melissa’s ear. She nodded, and Shauna moved her hand from her mouth to her hip, pulling her as close as possible. She knew her hard grip would probably bruise, but Melissa didn't tell her to stop. Instead, she rested her forehead against the tree as Shauna ravished her.
She stifled her moans well. Shauna almost wished she didn’t. What a contradiction: wanting to hear the other girl moan and have the whole camp know Shauna had her hand down Melissa’s pants right now, yet also not wanting to get caught and wanting to keep this moment as hers alone. It would be a proper ‘fuck you’ to them all, seeing that despite all of the fucked up stuff she’s done, someone still wants her.
Her thrusts came faster and harder, her hand starting to cramp. Once again, she imagined she was Jeff- or maybe some other boy- with the biological urge to breed. She could feel Melissa’s cervix right there as she pressed impossibly deeper. She imagined putting her load right there, this time instead of Shauna having to get pregnant, she could force that on someone else.
She damn near growled at the thought and surged forward to bite where Melissa’s shoulder and neck met, not relenting her punishing pace. Melissa cried out in surprise, or pain, or both- Shauna didn’t care. But as her cries grew louder, signaling she was getting close, Shauna brought up the hand on her hip to push Melissa’s face into the tree. She looked to the side so her nose wouldn’t get crushed. Shauna’s hand covered the side of her face, pushing hard. She had to stop the noise. This time, Melissa was hers. Any noise she made was for Shauna’s ears only.
If this was Jackie instead of Melissa, she would have fought back. Maybe their positions would be the other way around and Jackie would be scraping up Shauna’s face she she fucked her against the tree.
Oh how she wished Jackie were here. She wished it was Jackie’s fingers in Shauna’s cunt, she imagined Jackie was the one who got her pregnant. The thought was not unwelcome. It spurred her on.
Melissa was already close and she knew it. Shauna sucked on the side of her neck while a hand held her face in place. The moans weren’t exactly muffled, but it would do. The moans came out breathier, higher in pitch, and as they crested Shauna bit down on her shoulder.
Another cry of surprise or pain or pleasure, she couldn’t be sure. She didn’t slow her pace until the girl whimpered and reached to still her hand. Shauna huffed, but relented. She took her hands off Melissa and stepped back.
She watched as Melissa let out a trembling breath and pushed back away from the tree. Shauna could see marks on the side of her neck and shoulder- bruises blooming and teeth marks. She felt…something. Guilty? No, that wasn’t it.
Melissa turned around slowly and Shauna froze. What would she think? Shauna threatened her with a knife, found out she was a virgin, and still fucked her roughly against a tree. In the woods. What the fuck was wrong with her?
Melissa didn’t say no, though. But maybe she was scared Shauna would slit her throat if she did. Shauna’s stomach dropped as she realized Melissa might have had a very different experience here. She could definitely see how this could be interpreted as rape by knifepoint. Maybe not even interpreted- maybe it was that way. Maybe she did that. After all, maybe Melissa only kissed her in an attempt to save her own life.
Melissa faced her and Shauna took in the state of her: her face was red and raw from the bark but, thankfully, not bleeding. Shauna met her eyes. She didn’t look mad, or even scared. More like pleasantly surprised. Or maybe that was Shauna’s wishful thinking.
“Wow,” Melissa breathed out. “I didn’t know you had that in you.”
Ok, good. Shauna could work with that. She grabbed Melissa’s hands to inspect the damage.
“They’re ok, they don’t hurt too bad and I don’t think they’re bleeding,” Melissa said, almost shyly.
Shauna nodded. “That’s good.”
Should she apologize?
Melissa met her eyes again and smiled. “Hand me my shirt?”
“Oh, yeah,” Shauna felt a smile begin to form on her own face, though it didn’t come as easily. “We should probably get washed up, you know, so the other girls don’t…”
“Shauna Shipman, are you ashamed of me?” Melissa said it lightly, but there was a very real, very heavy…thing… behind her eyes.
She let out a laugh and brought Melissa’s hand up for her to kiss the red palm, not breaking eye contact. It was an apology of sorts, though Shauna would never admit it.
“Get dressed, Melissa.” She stepped back to give her space but before she got far, Melissa grabbed her waist and tugged her back in close. Shauna put a hand to the center of the other girl’s chest on instinct. Melissa cupped her jaw and waited, giving Shauna a chance to stop her.
“Shauna, I-” she started, then was cut off by lips pressed against hers lightly. It was another apology. Maybe Melissa knew that, or maybe not. Shauna would never say it aloud, though. That would be admitting wrongdoing, and Shauna may be fucked up but she was never wrong.
Shauna pulled away first.
“I’ll see you around?” Shauna asked, joking but not joking. She needed to know Melissa was ok. But more than that, she needed to know Melissa wouldn’t go telling the other girls about how fucked up Shauna is.
Melissa seemed to understand the question beneath the question. “Yeah, Shauna, I’ll see you around.”
It wasn’t until that night that Shauna realized she never got off. She lay in her shelter, eyes closed tightly and imagining Jackie’s fingers inside her, her touch stoking a fire that had been so dormant in Shauna up until now. She came easily enough, though shame coursed through her. She sobbed softly and turned over, wishing- for the not first time and certainly not the last- that Jackie was here beside her.