Chapter Text
Today, I finished my small chores earlier than usual, leaving the training of the new knights to hyunsung and went to the experienced knights myself. As the great general of the imperial army, I was in direct service to his majesty, and every week I had to report to the royal court on the well-being of the knights and the state of the army.
Today, I completed the boring routines and exercises at a faster pace. I was really tired and returning to the mansion, now acted like a soothing balm for me.
Maids and servants were probably confused when they saw me! It has become a habit not to return after dark, it wasn’t even dusk now. Tonight, there will not even be a need to check the documents and lock myself in the study room!
A good dinner and a hot shower are the best option, I've been pushing myself too hard these past few weeks! I'm also looking forward to meeting my daughter, my newborn biyoo.
Oh! My biyoo is so sweet and adorable. She's six months old now, already very lively and the older she gets, the more mischievous and playful she will become!
I mentioned biyoo, she should be with her mother.
It would probably be better if I had a short visit with dokja too, I haven't seen him much in a few days! Anyway, he should be fine, no one is as attached to biyoo as he is and devotes himself to taking care of his child.
I think a couple's dinner would be appropriate. At least it might improve dokja's mood, he has been very withdrawn and distant from others these past few weeks. His nutrition has also gotten worse, used to eat little but now he has even skipped many meals altogether!
Oh, that Omega! He must also consider his health; he’s getting thinner and thinner every day! It’s bad, really bad.
As his Alpha and mate, what can I do? Does he even listen to anyone?
I left the army training center with my usual carriage and accompanied by Lee hyunsung. After seeing mansion from distance and getting off, the middle-aged servant greeted me.
"Welcome, Master Yoo" He bowed.
"Any news? No problem?" I displayed my full authority.
"Well, to be honest....." Beta servant raised his head, looking at me with a hesitant expression. "How can I say it?"
Although due to his being as a Beta, the smell of his scent was barely detectable, but it became a little sour!
"Did something happen? Why are you so hesitant?" I raised an eyebrow.
If something troubling had happened, he would probably have been searching for the right words.
"Master! It's better if you take care of the situation yourself!" Servant's voice had a mixture of fear and sadness in it!
Now I'm curious! As I entered, I heard some noise in the background.
A young maid ran around the corner in panic, causing me to be a little surprised. Soon, two other maids with troubled faces entered my field of vision, bowed at the sight of me, and were forced to stop their duties.
"What happened? Why is everyone in such a hurry?"
Two maids stared at me with sad expression and eyes that I thought were filled with fear.
One of them opened her mouth instead of the other. "Master! Unfortunately..... your mate, Kim dokja-nim..... um....." Said in stammered.
I became more nervous, my scent leaking out a little. "What do you mean? dokja, what happened to my mate?" I frowned and glared at her fiercely.
The young maid jumped slightly in her seat. "Sadly, Kim dokja-nim....."
"His committed suicide!" The maid next to her quickly completed her sentence. They both looked at me helplessly, preparing themselves for any reaction!
"What!? What did dokja do?" Suddenly my scent went out of control, my eyes widened and shock appeared on my face. "Suicide!? dokja committed suicide!?"
Did I hear that right!? What does this mean?
Suicide!? Dokja!? No, no, no! It’s impossible! But, for what!? Why?
"General!? General Yoo! Are you okay?" Lee hyunsung’s voice was loud and full of concern, but I didn’t want to hear anything from anyone right now!
I ignored him and walked nervously and hurriedly towards the bedroom. It had to be there, right?
For the past few weeks, dokja had he been locking himself in our room! Could he have gone somewhere else?
"Get out of here, NOW!" I shouted, pushing aside the crowd of servants and maids that had formed at the entrance to the bedroom. They all turned to me, and moved aside at the command.
My eyes widened even more as I stared at the scene before me, dazed and bewildered!
Dokja was lying on the bed with his face and skin even paler than before. His long, lash-like eyelids now closed, and his wrists tightly bound with bloody cloths!
Kim dokja, my mate and Omega, lay on the bed like an angel and his wrists and clothes soaked in blood!
Not only his clothes, but also the fabrics around the bed were stained red! This was dokja's blood!
Standing next to the bed was the head maid, with Shin yoosung and Lee jihye at his bedside. The little brown-haired girl, Shin yoosung, her eyes wet and red, cheeks and face crumpled from crying, was kneeling by the bed! Helplessly, she tightens the cloth around his wrist, lest more blood flow!
With a sad, helpless, and even scared face, Lee jihye stared speechlessly at dokja and then at me. She was standing next to the bed, and her eyes were more than capable of showing her shock!
The head maid looked up as I entered, surprised to see me. "Master Yoo! You....." She didn't continue.
What was this!? What was this feeling!?
Why am I like this?
"DOKJA! DOKJA!" Boiling anger, fear building, and shock pouring from the impossible scene before me! I shouted and with steps that struck fear in the hearts of those present, walked towards the bed next to my mate's pale body.
Both Shin yoosung and Lee jihye stepped back, clearing the way for me and watched in muffled voices.
My complete pride and authority collapsed! I quickly imprisoned him in my arms, hell, how much blood was there! Dokja's body was too cold, too cold! The moment I touched him, I realized.
His pulse was also extremely weak. But it was like, there was something here!
That is, it was possible..... it was not yet too late!
"Why are you sitting and watching! CALL A PHYSICIAN!" I shouted in desperation. The shock that followed my voice caused every eye and body in the room to tremble and become confused.
It was Lee hyunsung who dispersed the frightened crowd. All the servants and maids reacted differently, but I didn't pay attention to any of them!
"H-how did this happen!? Dokja......" It's impossible! It's impossible, my eyes are wet!
It's impossible, my voice is trembling! This...... what was this lump in my throat!?
Maybe it was from shock! Yes, I'm shocked! I didn't expect such a scene!
What are you saying, fool! You shed more blood in the most horrible way possible on the battlefield! You cut off the heads of your enemies without any mercy!
At that time, your feelings, your heart, your soul, none of them trembled! Why should you be in shock now?
The head maid approached cautiously. "We found Kim dokja-nim two hours ago. immediately tried to stop the bleeding.........."
"W-we already sent someone to the city..... to find physician, but there’s no news yet!" Lee jihye’s voice was a little hoarse, but she felt obligated to explain.
"It..... it was me...... who found him!" Dokja's personal maid and little girl, Shin yoosung said while sobbed.
"Dokja!....... no!" I didn't take my eyes off his face for even a moment, I followed the explanation with half-attention.
He’s still had pulse! Yes, dokja still had pulse! There's still a chance!
Oh, dokja! You're not allowed to leave this world! It's me, that won't let you!
You're mine! Mine! You're my Omega, my mate, the mother of my child, and my asset!
How am I supposed to be an Alpha; ho can't pay attention to his Omega!? Who would let they Omega takes such an action!?
You are the blessed mother, the only one who can grant me liberation, enlightenment, freedom, and salvation!
You are to be my savior! A savior’s duty is to save life, not to destroy life.
I will not allow! Your soul must never leave your body without my command!
I will not allow! I will not give up or lose my asset!
I will get whatever I want! I will not lose anything again....... from that day I swore, I will never lose anything again! This includes you, my only mate!
You will come back to me. It’s okay, I’ll wait again!
I’ve waited for years, I’ll wait for a while longer, but know this, Kim dokja! We are bonded; the mating mark hasn’t yet faded. You can never be freed from this bond even by death!
After all, as Alpha and Omega, we are not only mates, but also companions in life and death! This mating mark is proof of its existence!
**************************************
This is impossible! I shouldn't have these feelings, these behaviors, this pathetic side!
I, the powerful Alpha and the great imperial general, Yoo joonghyuk, must sit in my study room with wet eyes and a distressed and helpless expression, and stifle this corrosive feeling of the Alpha within me!
My inner Alpha is in chaos, outcry, and unexpected tension. My Omega is in anesthesia, struggling on the border between two worlds!
My inner Alpha wants chaos and to go to his mate, I can't suppress it for long!
Is this a feeling that every Alpha always has? It's scary! Is my situation normal now?
Even when physician finally arrived and thoroughly checked dokja's condition, I couldn't leave the room at all. Even physician was shocked by his critical condition! After all, he had lost a lot of blood, and if the maids had found dokja later, he would have undoubtedly died by now!
Dokja is alive and can live!
The physician expressed hope that further bleeding was prevented, but situation wasn’t resolved yet! The lost blood must be replaced, and only time will tell whether dokja can survive or not!
The recovery of the lost blood depends on dokja's own body! We just have to wait, maybe several weeks!
Nothing is certain, but one shouldn’t give false hope either. Dokja might not be able to cope, maybe he would finally give up and never open his eyes!
Maybe he would manage to open his eyes, maybe he would not surrender to death, maybe.....
Even after hearing physician's statements, I still couldn’t calm down! I was still seething and restless inside, but I kept up the facade. I slammed my same cold, stoic mask on my face with all my might!
Damn, why am I hiding my trembling hands!?
I mean, was it to bit awkward? Why were Lee hyunsung and Lee jihye looking at me so pitifully? I’m fine! I just didn’t expect it, it was unexpected for me, that’s all!
Damn! Had my scent been released? As far as I remembered, they were under my control.
But really, why are you so anxious now, Yoo joonghyuk? It’s not like things can get any worse than this.
Dokja wakes up, your Omega wakes up! You said you wouldn't allow, but how? Shouldn't dokja stay here with his child? Does that mean he's really leaving biyoo in someone else's hands?
Fuck, what are you even worried about? Yes, your Omega did something stupid, now this has to cause you trouble?
The only reason you should keep dokja to yourself is for your child. Your daughter cannot grow up in someone's brace as much as her mother, every pup should grow up in the warm embrace of its mother, not in the arms of Alpha or Beta or even another Omega!
It shouldn't matter to you! It's not like you married and chose mate with love from the beginning!
Didn't you choose dokja because of the blessed mother? That prophecy.....
Wait! The prophecy wasn't limited to this! So, what about you...... Isn't the way to your salvation this blessed mother?
"Shut.... up!" My blood boils upon hearing that prophecy again. I know for myself, choosing my life partner and mate based on a ridiculous old prophecy whose validity is still questionable is foolishness!
I know it myself! I don’t need others like Yoo sangah to remind me over and over again.
I don’t care about dokja! I definitely don’t love him; definitely don’t like him, but don’t hate him either.
He is now my mate: my mating mark is stamped on the back of his neck, he was knot by me, was breed by me, has conceived and given birth to my pup.
I am only fulfilling my responsibilities! I must accept responsibility for my actions, must fulfill my duty as the one who forcibly mated him!
What do you think I am, a capricious person who cannot accept the consequences of his actions?
The reason for my tension is because of the wild Alpha in me! That’s right, the Alpha in me only wants to keep what belongs to him!
The reason for my anger and anxiety is solely because of my biological instincts as an Alpha!
An Alpha has an innate desire and instinct to protect and stay close to its mate and Omega. I’m just struggling with this damn instinct in me, that’s all!
Wait! Your mating mark is on him; you have no marks!
This is dokja that is bonded to you, this is he who is your prisoner and can never be freed! But you are free, there is no ownership mark on you, you have no bond!
What!? What does this mean? So, why is my inner Alpha still roaring and impatient?
"Ugh! What am I even thinking about?" Intrusive thoughts! No need for more mental engagement.
Now that I'm staring out the window of my study room in the darkness at the moon and twinkling stars in the sky, I just remembered! This sky..... these stars..... are so similar to dokja's eyes!
Dokja's eyes are as dark and endless as the night sky! Eyes that shine like stars when the light hits them!
Because I don't spend much time with dokja and don't get close to him much, I keep forgetting! But those eyes were the reason for my initial fascination, the reason I became obsessed with dokja! I loved that darkness and its jewel-like stars.
But that night..... the night I slept with him for the first time, the night I put the mating mark on him, I saw a terrible expression in them. Those eyes were so scared, helpless, incapable and terrified at that time!
"Oh, shit..... why am I drinking alcohol?" My eyebrows furrowed; the bitter taste of alcohol made me sick. I put the glass of alcohol aside.
How ridiculous! I don’t like alcohol at all, so why am I craving it all of a sudden?
You’ve had a busy day today, Yoo joonghyuk! You must be tired, now go get some rest.
Maybe the sound of these clock hands that are ticking in the dark and silent room now, and hitting your nerves like a sledgehammer, will go away with sleep!
Unfortunately, you can’t stop these hands for now. Time moves and it can’t go back.
Just like your past and the actions within it can’t go back!
**************************************
"W-what?" With teasing the sun's rays through the window panes, I lifted my head from the desk.
Wait! The desk? I fell asleep in the chair behind my desk in my study room!?
"Ouch!" I put my hand to the back of my neck, it hurt.
I looked around again, in case I misjudged it! No, I was really in my study room! How could I have fallen asleep in such an inappropriate place? Why didn't I go back to my own room?
Oh! I almost forgot! In that room, dokja are sleeping and......
"What is this?" In disbelief, I looked at the small mirror on the table.
My hair was completely untidy, my eyes were a little red, and there were traces of dried tears on my cheeks and around my eyes!
Oh, God! What a pitiful and humiliating appearance! This must be the appearance of a great general and a powerful Alpha like me!?
No! Why should I have cried at all!? Not only do I not remember how I fell asleep, but I don't even have any reason or image of why I should have cried!
Could it be that I had a bad dream? It's possible, but I still don't remember anything.
**** Knock knock****
"General, are you there?" I recognized that voice, Lee hyunsung!
"Come in!" Even my voice was little hoarse!
I didn't even bother to fix my hair; I just gave permission to enter without any thought.
"General! You're here?" Lee hyunsung hesitantly entered, not expecting to find me in this room! "Wow! Your face....."
"I know, forget it!" I ran my fingers through my messy hair. "What are you here for?" For a moment, how cold and formal I became!
"General, are you going to the palace today for the knights' training? Or maybe....." His expression became doubtful, tried to be considerate. "Are you planning to take off today?"
I frowned, sighed loudly. "Of course I'm going! Why should I take off?" I replied mockingly.
I was perfectly fine; didn't need anyone's concern or pity. I was never one for taking time off and was always present for my duties. Why should I lock myself in this stuffy mansion now?
Lee hyunsung made a surprised expression and looked at me with a mysterious expression. What is this for?
"First of all, I want to see my daughter. Then we'll go to the palace" I said very dryly and stood up.
"Of course" He bowed and, at my order, left the room early to prepare the carriage.
Before I went to see biyoo, I had to go to the bathroom and wash down the hangover that was still lingering in my head with cold water. Maybe the reason my legs were weak was because I hadn't eaten anything last night. I stared at my reflection in the mirror strangely, what is this dominant expression on my face? Why do I look so broken and tired!
With a fierce frown, I ignored the disturbing thoughts that I knew would come soon. After tidying up my appearance and putting on the appropriate clothes, I found myself on my way to the biyoo’s room.
In the first weeks of her life, biyoo spent most of her time next to her mother, dokja was very attached to her, and even for me, it was practically useless to separate her! It seemed that dokja truly loved his daughter from the bottom of his heart!
Of course, I think it's natural! Omegas have an innate and compelling instinct to protect and be by their pup's side.
Unfortunately, I don't know why, but in the weeks before this disaster, dokja stopped taking care of biyoo! So, what happened to that maternal instinct of Omega?
Biyoo herself is very attached to her mother! She is loved immensely not only by him but by all the servants and maids. I love her too, after all she is my child.
The moment she stepped into this world, the moment she left her mother's body, the second I held her in my arms...... I knew from that milky, puppy-like scent that this was my child!
Her pheromones were still weak and unstable, but I recognized it!
A strange scent that carried faint, unstable traces of mint and cinnamon! A combination of my scent and dokja's!
Pups need the pheromones of both parents to grow properly and healthily in their mother's womb. That's why an Alpha must stay with they Omega during pregnancy and scenting them with they scent!
Throughout her pregnancy, I focused my care, supervision, and attention on dokja. I rearranged my schedule at the palace and daily training and returned to mansion earlier. Every night, I would sit by his bedside, hug him, and use my pheromones to soothe him from the tension and pain that instinctively arose in him during this time.
Clearly, I still remember the day that I heard the news of my mate's pregnancy!
Lee jihye told me about the physician's visit and dokja's pregnancy, I was overwhelmed with intoxication and euphoria!
I was about to become a father; my Omega was pregnant and I couldn't suppress the excitement of the Alpha inside me! For a few minutes, everything was a dream.
Maybe that prophecy..... what am I saying? That prophecy, do I really believe it?
It means my child with blessed mother..... maybe yes! Maybe I really was clinging to this thread of false hope!
It was exactly after this news, that my inner instinct, my inner Alpha entered another level of anxiety and inner conflict, I had an extreme and terrible desire to be with my mate!
I had to cling to something, so that this crazy whisper of my instinct would be suffocated, suffocated and I would gain certainty that everything was under control!
It was awful, but somehow, I managed to get through it.
The first time I held my pup, my daughter biyoo, I had a terrible mix of emotions. I couldn't believe it; this was my child! But it was!
A child whose face, as soon as I looked at it, I felt it was very familiar! A face that reminded me of my mate, biyoo had many of her mother's physical features.
This was my child and now, in addition to my mate, another debilitating desire was building inside me! This time, I had two people to protect.
Even now, at six months old, my daughter is still as cute and innocent as she was the first week of her life! Her babyish giggles and energetic antics must have caused trouble and confusion for her caregivers. My beautiful daughter, how quickly she has grown in the blink of an eye!
Even though I was busy serving in the knights’ camp until late at night, I always went to visit my daughter when returned to the mansion. She was sleeping so soundly and comfortably in her crib that I was afraid of disturbing her with my footsteps!
I was relieved to see that dokja, like me, was fully focused on his child. I had no doubt that as an Omega and the mother of my child, I would entrust biyoo to her. Dokja was truly sensitive to all matters concerning her!
But what happened after that? Why couldn't dokja give his child that love and attention anymore? Why did he leave her to another maid and Shin yoosung after a while?
Does that mean he's tired of his daughter? No, it's impossible! Dokja can't be like that, he can't.....
When dokja personally took care of his pup, he always put her crib next to the bed in our shared room, but now..... not anymore! Now, biyoo stays in her own nursery in her own room.
I stopped in my tracks for a moment, this is the sound of biyoo’s voice!
"Waaaahhhh......."
Biyoo is crying! Her voice is loud and also painful! The Alpha in me unintentionally woke up.
Through the half-open door, I saw Shin yoosung, holding biyoo in her arms with a worried and helpless expression, trying to stop her crying. "Calm down, calm down! Okay....... okay......."
"Maybe she's hungry?" The young maid beside her, said.
Shin yoosung kept moving biyoo in her arms, even the other maid shook a doll above her head to distract her, but nothing!
Shin yoosung looked at the other maid sadly. "I tried to feed her milk, but she won't eat at all! I think....."
"Master Yoo!" The other maid lowered her head upon seeing me. Shin yoosung also turned to me and bowed briefly.
I entered the room, activating my official and authoritative posture. "What happened?" I gave my daughter, who still hadn't calmed down and was crying even worse, a sad look. Some of my scent probably also released, but I didn't care. "Biyoo! What's the matter?"
"Master, no matter what we do, the young lady won't calm down! Ever since she woke up, she’s been restless and crying non-stop!"
Shin yoosung continued instead of the other maid. "She's neither hungry nor sleepy, doesn't have fever or pain too! I think......" The brown-haired girl stopped, pressing her lips together. "I think...... she wants to go to her mother side!"
I let out a weak sigh of sadness. Of course it happens! Of course she wants to go to her mother! A child like biyoo, who is overly dependent on her mother, finds peace only in her mother's arms and scent.
Even after birth, pups still need their parents' pheromones for a while, they need to feel their parents' presence, otherwise they cannot survive the cold environment full of strange pheromones!
Unfortunately, no matter how much she cries, no matter how restless she was, biyoo still doesn't understand that..... her mother can't come to her side right now!
Oh, my poor daughter, how fidgety she is for warm hands right now!
My instinct groaned; it couldn't help but tremble at this sorrowful image! My daughter is in pain, she's suffering! She needs the comforting feeling of an Omega, an Omega she can peace with it. This Omega is her only mother, no one else can evoke her mother's scent for her.
"Give her to me, I'll take her" My voice was no longer dry and formal, I let a weak part of my emotions slip out.
"You? But....." Shin yoosung hesitantly followed my order.
"It's okay, give her to me! You two can go for now" I emphasized again.
Shin yoosung gently handed biyoo to me, I concentrated hard, to hold her in my arms gently and without any pressure. The two Beta girl left the room after bowing.
Biyoo continued to cry, her face contorted and red from crying. Now that no one was watching, I let go of my tears, my lips curling down painfully. My face lost its authority, sobbed silently, still conscious of the pressure in my hands.
Instinctively, I released my pheromones, the scent of mint wafted out but it wasn't going to have any effect!
I don't know why..... why did I keep biyoo? Why did I give such an order?
I'm an Alpha, not an Omega! Alphas don't have the comforting and reassuring qualities of Omegas, they can't calm a crying, hurting pup! What was the point of my doing this now?
Biyoo was still crying, not calming down a bit, struggling, and the sound of her crying echoed throughout the room. Maybe she was even more reactive!
"Easy, easy, sweety....... biyoo! daddy's here, biyoo!" I repeated the same thing Shin yoosung did, shaking her between my hands. Was I doing it right?
Every time I stared at that face buried in tears..... the only thing that passed before my eyes was the image of the person who caused these things!
"I'm sorry, biyoo..... I'm sorry! I'm not your mom, biyoo" My voice broke!
Why did I have to witness such a scene? It's not fair. Someone needs to come and calm me down. This scent isn’t work for calming anyone.
Biyoo's cry in my ear became like a terrible bell that burns the soul, a dagger of an unpleasant situation! Even this sound no longer meant a normal cry to me!
Maybe..... maybe biyoo had felt her mother's departure, maybe she felt that she had lost something!
No, wait! What does you mean he lost? Dokja is still alive, his soul hasn’t yet left the material world.
He is just struggling. Yes! He is between the thin and fragile edge of death and life! He isn’t gone yet, he will return. That's right, dokja is returning! He doesn’t dare to leave his child.
With bleary eyes and a broken heart, I sat in the rocking chair, holding my daughter in my arms and trying to comfort her in every pathetic way.
I don't know how long it took, but I know it was a long time! Biyoo finally fell asleep and closed her eyes from crying so hard. Perhaps the gentle shaking had distracted her and ultimately helped her fall asleep.
In the end, my pheromones had no effect, I feel useless!
Of course, it's not going to have any effect, not because they belonged to an Alpha! Rather within them, my paralyzing emotions such as fear, sadness, anger, helplessness, confusion, and brokenness surged!
I couldn't deny it anymore. This tragedy, this stupid suicide of my mate, really affected on me!
Dokja's suicide broke me! I can't ignore it anymore; I was sorrowful and heartbroken by dokja's suicide!
Why? Maybe because he has put me in deadly trouble with this selfish act of his.
The suicide of dokja not only deals a fatal blow to me, his mate, but also inflicts crippling damage on his child.
When an Alpha sees they mate and Omega planning to leave them by committing suicide, they become enraged and develops the impression that as a mate are unsuitable and useless! Does that mean I'm useless too? No, no, no!
When a pup is not with they mother, it cannot receive the sense of security and peace it needs to nourish they soul, and it becomes extremely tense. Does that mean biyoo is experiencing something similar now? No, no, no!
I stared at biyoo's still red, sleepy face. For now, she calmed down temporarily, but when she woke up, when she couldn't feel her mother's presence again..... how could she be calmed down?
Oh, dokja! dokja, dokja, dokja, dokja.....
Look what you've done, you idiot!? Look what you've done to me and to your child?
Even if I was a useless mate, even if I wasn't a perfect person, what about your child?
You didn't show me mercy, but what about your child? Why at least you didn't show mercy to biyoo?
Why did you commit suicide? I saved you from a miserable life with your father! All I wanted from you was to be my suitable mate, to be the mother of my children.
I would give you whatever you wanted, you just had to do your duty properly.
Why? Why? Why? Why?
I don't understand, where did I go wrong? Where didn't I give you what you needed? Why? Why?
Why do you love hurting those around you so much?
You'll come back. And when you come back, I'll make sure to get the answers to every single question out of you.
Whatever it is, you're my mate, my Omega, you're my salvation, my freedom, my light, and of course my companion in life and death.